Growing up as a boy I know the feeling of being judged for something that I am.
From the age of 8, when I first heard of the possibility that two men could live together as a couple and love each other just like Mum and Dad did, it was then I knew that I would one day be living as a gay man. Very innocently I told a friend this. Weeks later I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people, and that this word could be used as a weapon. I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right! And how could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another?
Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression. I developed a pattern of contracting away from who I truly was and started to express less of me, even pretending to fall in love with girls and so on.
All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies. Not very pleasant!
But underneath this hurt of being bullied for an expression that I couldn’t in truth change, was another, even deeper hurt.
Years later in sessions with Esoteric Healing practitioners, I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy. To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down. On this foundation of contraction all the misery and loneliness of my teenage years was then built.
I had a lot of support from family, friends, therapists, esoteric practitioners and finally Serge Benhayon to find the root cause of the hurt I was carrying in my body.
This was a process of stepping up and opening my eyes again to what is truly going on in the world. Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. This not only supports my well-being, but also serves all who I am in contact with – my family, friends, clients and the community.
For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media.
This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.
Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.
By Felix Schumacher, Complementary Therapies Practitioner, Hamburg