Giving Power back to Love: Making the Choice to not be Dominated by Hurt

What would it mean to not be dominated by hurt? What would it feel like to not react when abused, blamed or targetted in some way? What would it feel like to give power back to love?

A little while ago now I started an autopsy on ‘hurt’ to find out what it was really all about. I was tired of reacting and feeling emotional, I was tired of the upset and the inner discomfort, and I was tired of wasting days stressed and behaving in a way that was intense for myself and those around me.

Of course when another person is choosing to be loving, there is nothing here to trigger me to react and because of this, it is easy to respond in kind.

There have been many other occasions when another person has expressed to me something personal about myself, and I could have easily reacted from insult or hurt given the content that had been raised, but the loving quality that they have expressed meant that I did not feel hurt at all. In fact, I have felt the truth in what has been shared as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity provided to change and live more aligned to my true self. When the intention behind the comment was from tenderness and care, I would feel every bit of the support.

It is not so easy however, to not react when another is choosing to express themselves in a way which is unloving or abrasive.

The hurt from these situations was something that I would usually carry with me for some time, and the way I can be when I am hurting is just as abrasive and uncaring as the behaviour of the person who may have incited the hurt in the first place.

What I have felt here is more of a backlash and sometimes I was just collateral damage, caught up in the path of someone’s pain and frustration where they were desperate for relief. Without knowing my true value or having love for myself, it is easy to fall into the turmoil and become part of the cycle.

I cringe when I admit this, but for many years when I was hurt I would talk about the problem incessantly and in a way that was not constructive or healing. I could talk badly about the person, I could make assumptions about what is going on, I could avoid the person, I could withdraw from the person, I could hold a grudge against the person and for many years I would turn the matter onto myself with self-beratement, feeling an immense guilt for how I had not handled the situation well. I can do all of this behind a wall that says “I can’t stand feeling this hurt anymore, please stay away from me.”

This way of being with hurt has never served me well. It impacted on my relationships and capped the opportunity for any real healing or understanding.

Bringing my Hurt to Universal Medicine

When I first came to the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I felt hurt from everyday life and lived behind a wall in an effort to not feel what I was feeling. The wall did not work well and hurt could enter my body like lightning. In fact, my body would experience hurt long before my brain had even registered what had happened before me.

Despite my ‘wall’ never serving as a supportive technique to deal with hurt, I continued to spend my days with it up, keeping people out and keeping me contained too. Now I realise that all I was really doing was to stifle love – I stopped myself from allowing love in and love out, so it makes sense that my days were full of hurtful situations and reactions, for if there is no love, there is everything else.

The teachings encouraged me to bring love and care to myself each day, and eventually my self-worth and sense of value began to blossom. I didn’t rely on others so much to be ‘pleasant’ or ‘friendly’ or even ‘polite’ so that I felt secure and so that I could manage my reactions, as I was providing for and honouring myself. I was dealing with my hurts as they presented instead of burying them, and in this I found that my wild reactions to others began to subside.

I discovered how important it is to not fight the hurt but to surrender and honour the feeling of fragility, bringing tenderness and deep care to myself until the inner turmoil shifted. Sometimes I needed to reach out for support and talk the situation through with someone I really trusted.

Learning to care for myself during these times allowed space for me to return to my true self, as well as the opportunity for great clarity and wisdom to rise to the surface – an essential step to giving power back to love.

These changes were a step in the right direction, but I began to wonder whether it was at all possible to not react when another person was aggressive, hurtful and accusatory? Could I stay connected to my own steadiness and simply observe the behavior before me without taking on board another person’s reaction myself?

I felt there was a possibility that I could not react to another, but I wasn’t going to just believe something because I wanted it to be true, I had to know it was truly possible from my own lived experience. Fortunately, I did not have to wait too long for a situation to arise that would provide the answer.

In the days following the 2015 Universal Medicine Lennox Head Retreat I was feeling particularly amazing, enjoying an unshakable inner knowing and stillness in my body that I had never felt before. Upon returning to work I felt a certainty and assuredness and was handling tasks and resolving problems with ease.

My newfound calm approach showed me that the chaos was outside of me, not inside of me.

I was then approached by a work colleague who made certain accusations. An experience like this would have normally disturbed me and my typical response would have been to deny what I had been feeling, smother the hurt with ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ and say nothing, or I would become defensive. In this situation though, I responded to the other person instead of going into a reaction. I spoke openly and honestly about how I was feeling without any holding back. My words were expressed with love and consideration, and I shared with utter honesty about my concerns. Initially, this situation had all the warning signs indicating conflict, but this is not what happened. When we parted, we both knew that something amazing had happened for us both and we commented to this effect.

This particular situation showed me that when I observe a situation as it unfolds before me rather than be all-involved, I have clarity and can express from my true self because my hurts and reactions are not charging the situation, but when I make myself small, make it all about me, go into self-doubt, blame, jealousy, frustration, anger, insult or defensiveness, I choose to be distracted by all the emotions that are there waiting to have an experience.

It appears that there is no end to the reactions I can endure in my life if this is what I choose. As difficult as it is to admit, these reactions are simply distractions used to keep me from feeling all the times in my life where I have chosen not to express what I truly feel and where I have said YES to the emotional rollercoaster rather than YES to love.

There are many other situations that have presented since where I have been able to connect with the truth instead of simply reacting to the situation, but presently I have not yet mastered this way of living and do not live it with any consistency. What I can say however, is that I have experienced a glimpse of what it would be like to not take life and the reactions from others so personally.

By choosing to not be dominated by emotion, we maintain a sense of clarity, we bring understanding to our relationships – and in this we give power back to love.

By Maree Savins, Engineering Project Support Officer, Tertiary Education, Australia

Related Reading:
~ We Are Not Our Hurts
~ Loving Daily Choices and Healing Hurts
~ Expressing How We Feel – A Matter of Responsibility

1,877 thoughts on “Giving Power back to Love: Making the Choice to not be Dominated by Hurt

  1. I love the distinction between the emotional rollercoaster and Love. They are vastly different and well worth committing to experience the difference for ourselves.

  2. Dominated by hurts, gosh, definitely. Hurts are often my reaction to not having my expectation met, and sometime I feel as though I am being tossed around from one reaction to the next – any excuse to not be in my essence.

  3. “I was dealing with my hurts as they presented instead of burying them, and in this I found that my wild reactions to others began to subside.” It shows how loving taking responsibility for ourselves is, and how this also supports others. Serge is the only person I have met that truly understands the human condition, and the support he offers means we can empower ourselves to make our way out of situations like you describe Maree. It’s an extraordinary opportunity for us all to return to living from the essence of love we are, and to do so in a very emotional, challenging and turbulent world.

  4. Reactions are emotional time bombs and are just waiting for the right time for everything to explode and when we are understanding that we can also simply respond it defuses the most volatile situations.

  5. While reading the title of this blog I had a huge realisation as to how much I allowed my life to be dominated by my hurts and by the emotions which came with them in one damaging package. It was definitely a big light bulb moment which illuminated the fact that I have moved on from living like this – well most of the time. By allowing my hurts to run me I was forever playing the victim role, a role I realised was the reason my life was not very easy to live at times. Coming to understand the various hurts and being willing to face and to heal them has meant that my life as it was, has been replaced by a life in which I am no longer a victim, simply a woman who loves living the life she now has, every single day.

  6. When emotions take over, we can easily go into dramas – frustrations, anger, sadness etc. But if we were to stop to feel where and why these are coming up, it offers us an opportunity to explore the hurts we hold. Emotions are the layers that sit over the hurts attempting to hide and protect them. Feelings on the other hand are different to emotions for they are just feelings and are not hooking or enticing or grabbing like emotions are. So once you get below the emotion you get to feel what is really underneath and what it is that is offered as a growth that we are saying no to by going into the emotion.

  7. We all have our hurts, and when they are triggered, this is an opportunity to seize the hurt and look at it deeper to understand where it is coming from and hence work with it to heal it and hence let it go. It is one of the most freeing things we can do in life and is one that allows us to embrace the next steps offered.

  8. Maree I don’t feel that there is anything like the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
    If we depersonalize any situation and look at it from an energetic stand point everything changes because we get to see the energy behind the movement and from that there is a greater understanding it is not the person but the energy they are probably unaware of and so allowing to come through them. I am re learning how to de personalize life and read the energy it is fascinating to do this because it opens up a wholly different world.

  9. Love reading your blogs Maree, you write about subjects that all of humanity go through, with a depth and understanding that gives us insight into our own behaviours and how we react. I could very much relate to your blog and how my hurts used to dominate my life too. This is no longer the case, I am now willing to listen to and honour my body and stay steady and not react and allow situations to unfold without pictures or expectations or judgement and It really does make a difference to situations that would have before ended up in a reaction followed by a hurt that could go on for days or in some cases life times. It is worth every second to give our power back to love and not to the hurt.

    1. Maree’s blog is definitely very relatable, so much so that I feel every person who reads it will find something within its wisdom that resonates with them. For me, it was the power I gave my hurts to dominate me, and in doing so I also gave away my power in so many other ways. Saying no to the hurts and saying yes to love, although at times not that easy, has in the end been so very liberating from the confines of the life I had built with these hurts in its very wobbly foundation.

  10. When we take things personally then it is an opening for reactions and hurts. If we depersonalise any attacks or digs and read what is really going on, we get to see that the attacks are not really about us. Because for anyone who chooses to attack another person, the truth is they are attacking themselves first and the flow on effect of this is to then attack others. Also, to understand when someone is in the attack mode, the energy that is running through them does not come from them but from a force that seeks to drive humanity a part. When we understand the games that these forces play on people, we get to see how we are all simply vehicles of expression and therefore, nothing is truly personal because we do not own our expressions.

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