Giving Power back to Love: Making the Choice to not be Dominated by Hurt

What would it mean to not be dominated by hurt? What would it feel like to not react when abused, blamed or targetted in some way? What would it feel like to give power back to love?

A little while ago now I started an autopsy on ‘hurt’ to find out what it was really all about. I was tired of reacting and feeling emotional, I was tired of the upset and the inner discomfort, and I was tired of wasting days stressed and behaving in a way that was intense for myself and those around me.

Of course when another person is choosing to be loving, there is nothing here to trigger me to react and because of this, it is easy to respond in kind.

There have been many other occasions when another person has expressed to me something personal about myself, and I could have easily reacted from insult or hurt given the content that had been raised, but the loving quality that they have expressed meant that I did not feel hurt at all. In fact, I have felt the truth in what has been shared as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity provided to change and live more aligned to my true self. When the intention behind the comment was from tenderness and care, I would feel every bit of the support.

It is not so easy however, to not react when another is choosing to express themselves in a way which is unloving or abrasive.

The hurt from these situations was something that I would usually carry with me for some time, and the way I can be when I am hurting is just as abrasive and uncaring as the behaviour of the person who may have incited the hurt in the first place.

What I have felt here is more of a backlash and sometimes I was just collateral damage, caught up in the path of someone’s pain and frustration where they were desperate for relief. Without knowing my true value or having love for myself, it is easy to fall into the turmoil and become part of the cycle.

I cringe when I admit this, but for many years when I was hurt I would talk about the problem incessantly and in a way that was not constructive or healing. I could talk badly about the person, I could make assumptions about what is going on, I could avoid the person, I could withdraw from the person, I could hold a grudge against the person and for many years I would turn the matter onto myself with self-beratement, feeling an immense guilt for how I had not handled the situation well. I can do all of this behind a wall that says “I can’t stand feeling this hurt anymore, please stay away from me.”

This way of being with hurt has never served me well. It impacted on my relationships and capped the opportunity for any real healing or understanding.

Bringing my Hurt to Universal Medicine

When I first came to the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I felt hurt from everyday life and lived behind a wall in an effort to not feel what I was feeling. The wall did not work well and hurt could enter my body like lightning. In fact, my body would experience hurt long before my brain had even registered what had happened before me.

Despite my ‘wall’ never serving as a supportive technique to deal with hurt, I continued to spend my days with it up, keeping people out and keeping me contained too. Now I realise that all I was really doing was to stifle love – I stopped myself from allowing love in and love out, so it makes sense that my days were full of hurtful situations and reactions, for if there is no love, there is everything else.

The teachings encouraged me to bring love and care to myself each day, and eventually my self-worth and sense of value began to blossom. I didn’t rely on others so much to be ‘pleasant’ or ‘friendly’ or even ‘polite’ so that I felt secure and so that I could manage my reactions, as I was providing for and honouring myself. I was dealing with my hurts as they presented instead of burying them, and in this I found that my wild reactions to others began to subside.

I discovered how important it is to not fight the hurt but to surrender and honour the feeling of fragility, bringing tenderness and deep care to myself until the inner turmoil shifted. Sometimes I needed to reach out for support and talk the situation through with someone I really trusted.

Learning to care for myself during these times allowed space for me to return to my true self, as well as the opportunity for great clarity and wisdom to rise to the surface – an essential step to giving power back to love.

These changes were a step in the right direction, but I began to wonder whether it was at all possible to not react when another person was aggressive, hurtful and accusatory? Could I stay connected to my own steadiness and simply observe the behavior before me without taking on board another person’s reaction myself?

I felt there was a possibility that I could not react to another, but I wasn’t going to just believe something because I wanted it to be true, I had to know it was truly possible from my own lived experience. Fortunately, I did not have to wait too long for a situation to arise that would provide the answer.

In the days following the 2015 Universal Medicine Lennox Head Retreat I was feeling particularly amazing, enjoying an unshakable inner knowing and stillness in my body that I had never felt before. Upon returning to work I felt a certainty and assuredness and was handling tasks and resolving problems with ease.

My newfound calm approach showed me that the chaos was outside of me, not inside of me.

I was then approached by a work colleague who made certain accusations. An experience like this would have normally disturbed me and my typical response would have been to deny what I had been feeling, smother the hurt with ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ and say nothing, or I would become defensive. In this situation though, I responded to the other person instead of going into a reaction. I spoke openly and honestly about how I was feeling without any holding back. My words were expressed with love and consideration, and I shared with utter honesty about my concerns. Initially, this situation had all the warning signs indicating conflict, but this is not what happened. When we parted, we both knew that something amazing had happened for us both and we commented to this effect.

This particular situation showed me that when I observe a situation as it unfolds before me rather than be all-involved, I have clarity and can express from my true self because my hurts and reactions are not charging the situation, but when I make myself small, make it all about me, go into self-doubt, blame, jealousy, frustration, anger, insult or defensiveness, I choose to be distracted by all the emotions that are there waiting to have an experience.

It appears that there is no end to the reactions I can endure in my life if this is what I choose. As difficult as it is to admit, these reactions are simply distractions used to keep me from feeling all the times in my life where I have chosen not to express what I truly feel and where I have said YES to the emotional rollercoaster rather than YES to love.

There are many other situations that have presented since where I have been able to connect with the truth instead of simply reacting to the situation, but presently I have not yet mastered this way of living and do not live it with any consistency. What I can say however, is that I have experienced a glimpse of what it would be like to not take life and the reactions from others so personally.

By choosing to not be dominated by emotion, we maintain a sense of clarity, we bring understanding to our relationships – and in this we give power back to love.

By Maree Savins, Engineering Project Support Officer, Tertiary Education, Australia

Related Reading:
~ We Are Not Our Hurts
~ Loving Daily Choices and Healing Hurts
~ Expressing How We Feel – A Matter of Responsibility

1,781 thoughts on “Giving Power back to Love: Making the Choice to not be Dominated by Hurt

  1. Maree your blog feels like it represents the voice of humanity. I have read this many times and each time it is such a supportive, embracing and powerful healing experience – thank you. I reckon that not speaking up and being able to say how I feel in a situation is the first reaction, which then spirals into all the other reactions.

  2. When we give power to our hurts we completely lose true perspective and become narrow in our vision. This completely colours everything and dominates our every move…

  3. Being very sensitive we can react to the energy in which someone is expressing rather than the content. We might want to protect ourselves by speaking out and stopping the harm that is being unleashed. By developing our clairsentience there is more space to read more easily what is actually occurring and to understand the situation rather than being caught up in it.

  4. Over the years of attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, there have been many times when I or others have had the ‘uncomfortable truth’ presented to us – uncomfortable only as the truth expressed by Serge, exposes the lie we have been living. The way it is expressed is not with any sting of blame or judgment and it is easy to appreciate that someone is presenting truth as a life changing opportunity for all.
    “I have felt the truth in what has been shared as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity provided to change and live more aligned to my true self”.

  5. ” Giving Power back to Love: Making the Choice to not be Dominated by Hurt ” this is so wonderful thanks for sharing Maree.

  6. Serge Benhayon has taught us that we only say yes to things and that we choose what to say yes to as opposed to something else. Hurts do not escape this rule. We say yes to them… or we say yes to something else (love?). By saying yes to something (an energy), we give it permission to enter the body and find its spot and to stay there. Energies are not just energies. They have an impact in our movements until we decide that it is time up for them and choose something else as an energy we want to be running throughout the body and impulsing our movements.

  7. Choosing to not be dominated by emotions is to catch that space between what is being said and…. holding it there. And if space is filled with the intelligence of God, then it is also filled with God’s love and so what you say Maree makes total sense, that : “By choosing to not be dominated by emotion, we maintain a sense of clarity, we bring understanding to our relationships – and in this we give power back to love.”

  8. Serge Benhayon has inspired me to rediscover the natural love that I am and to let go of the protection and allow love in and to let my love out and I can feel deep within me that my love continues to grow.

  9. We can never be victims when we realise that it is within our power to heal any hurt. That way we can rise above what has occurred in our life.

  10. There is choice being made isn’t there, about how to respond to what presents itself? Yet I can also see there is a preparation of the space from which those choices come and by paying attention to that, the choices then flowed. So I am realising that we think we have choices, but I wonder if we actually are fed options from the environment we have created for ourselves. If we remain in a space that is dominated by our hurts and reactions to those hurts then one set of choices, if we move to purpose and understanding, then another set of choices.

  11. “my body would experience hurt long before my brain had even registered what had happened before me.” This is what we underestimate and should talk about more. We feel everything.

  12. This is an everyday choice to choose love over hurt until we realize that the hurt is just a justification to not be the love we are and actually want to live. Only from love we can clearly see the falseness of the hurt, in the hurt we only see the hurt.

  13. Like you Maree, I’ve found that hanging on to my hurts is a drag; a constant albatross around one’s neck. Far better to recognise, feel, acknowledge and move on; or, if moving on in a timely manner is difficult, seeking support with a practitioner.

  14. ‘By choosing to not be dominated by emotion, we maintain a sense of clarity, we bring understanding to our relationships – and in this we give power back to love.’

    Choosing not to be dominated by emotion – yes, that is the key. It’s been wonderful – very freeing – to no longer be at the mercy of my emotions, at least to the best of my ability. It doesn’t necessarily happen overnight, but with steady development and the application of awareness, the possibility of an emotion-free is very much there, for us all.

  15. As one who lived a huge part of my life saying “YES to the emotional rollercoaster rather than YES to love” I know what a liberating feeling it was when I began to closely observe what exactly my hurt was and where it may have come from instead of going into instant and very destructive forms of reaction. I now know that the hurt comes with a very timely message for me but in reaction that message gets lost. It can only be accessed and learned from when I take the time to stop and make the choice to be with all of me; not easy at times but becoming a little easier hurt by hurt.

  16. We spend a lot of time and effort keeping our hurts going – by harming our bodies with foods and drinks, substances, activity and all the rest. If we make life about moments and a series of movements in those moments then we realise that each new moment has the opportunity for us to move differently. So we don’t need to bring our hurts along for the ride – unless we want to…

  17. To see and understand that our reactions are used as a distraction in order to not feel things we don’t choose to feel is very empowering – to recognise this, come to a stop and choose response instead is far less exhausting.
    “reactions are simply distractions used to keep me from feeling all the times in my life where I have chosen not to express what I truly feel and where I have said YES to the emotional rollercoaster rather than YES to love”.

  18. How often do we bring our hurt to situations only to project them onto others or situations? When we come from a hurt we demand, whether deliberately or not, that another or a situation gives us something which is horrible as this is not unconditional love in any way.

  19. This is such a powerful blog and one that is perfect to read today. I got another level of understanding that life is about energy first and if I personalise it and I make it about the hurts of course there is no space for love in that. So often the reactions I can go into are a great distraction to not honour what I feel, so now I’m looking more deeply at my reactions, at why I’m demanding others be a certain way and in fact getting more honest about how I feel.

  20. You have highlighted a great point here Maree, feeling the intention behind comments that are from a quality of tenderness and care we are able to honestly look at what has been expressed and with that appreciate the opportunity and loving support offered to deepen the love we hold for ourselves.

  21. I like what you are saying here Maree that we think that hurts are being done to us from outside but actually when we are living protected or guarded then we are actually generating the hurts because we are stopping the love that would otherwise be there. Great way to look at this.

  22. I can be someone who has been highly reactive and super sensitive to situations, finding it difficult to not personalise things, however, I am getting steadier in myself and learning to appreciate what I offer and this gives me a greater foundation to read and not react.

  23. One thing I have been pondering on lately as I am working on clearing a hurt, it’s my unwillingness to evolve that is stopping me wanting to deal with hurt. I know that letting go of my created hurt will make space within for love, it’s crazy to be so attached to a hurt to not surrender to love.

  24. I used to think my hurts were just part of me and that they were there to stay. Its very empowering when we realise we are the ones that keep our hurts alive and so therefore can choose to heal them.

  25. ‘By choosing to not be dominated by emotion, we maintain a sense of clarity, we bring understanding to our relationships – and in this we give power back to love.’ This is a powerful reminder Maree, to not be owned by emotions is a game changer, it allows us the space to stop and observe without getting caught in any old hurts or reactions, this is key to deepening all our relationships in life.

  26. There is great wisdom in learning not to fight the hurt but to observe, read and even surrender. In my experience it is the fight that creates the most tension and resistance – but when I choose to accept a situation and be loving with myself, the dynamics change and energy shifts accordingly. When we react we fuel the very situation we would in truth prefer to liberate ourselves from. Choosing to have a loving relationship with ourselves is what supports true change in my experience. It all has to come from within us, from our innateness first – and not from another or from outside.

    1. So true Richard… But as you say there is a depth of wisdom that is needed to not fight the hurts, or to numb them, in any way shape or form but to actually feel and read and as you say, surrender.

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