All my life I have been frightened to trust men. I was raised with a father who abused alcohol, which made him feel quite frightening to me a lot of the time. I also watched a few too many episodes of ‘Australia’s Most Wanted,’ where men were portrayed as dangerous and appeared to do terrible things to women and children. This was confirmed when an older man tried to kiss me and flashed at me when I was about ten years old.
From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.
In recent years, through attending some Universal Medicine events, I have met some lovely gentle men and this has allowed me to consider that maybe labelling most men as untrustworthy is a little extreme. From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner.
Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life, although I still felt there was no way I would be open to trust men who I considered strangers.
Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.
For the last 6 years I have been redeveloping my ability to trust what I feel with the support of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities. I have realised that this innate ability was something I had when I was little, but over time I had turned it off due to not knowing how to handle scary encounters with men.
I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on and it played out recently when I gave a lift to a stranger who happened to be a man. Yep, you read correctly – a man – and one I didn’t know.
This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies and, after this, I was feeling very lovely. As I left I met an older man (just to clarify, maybe 10 or so years older than me) who asked for directions as he had got off at the wrong bus stop. I happily used my phone to give him directions and, after realising it was a 20 minute walk and it was quite cold, I simply offered him a lift.
Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.
Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.
By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, Brisbane, Australia, aged 54
Related Reading:
Women Trusting Men
Who can I Really Trust?
We are not our Hurts
Words on Serge Benhayon 
Feeling our connection to others opens the door to our own evolution as we leave behind the self and open the door-way / path to our inner essences, inner-heart or Soul.
The deeper we connect within, the less things like fear, mistrust and withdrawal can settle in.
Absoulutely Leigh, the depth of our connection allows those seemingly different hooks to dissipate.
Your story Sharon relates to the world and its events on a much broader scale. There would be elements of distrust, suspicion, fear, as well as negative beliefs in many of the worlds cases of discrimination, abuse, violence, and in the foundation that brings us to war. Although this is one person’s story it’s really the story of humanity at the moment.
We’re conditioned from very young to take on the beliefs of parents and community. To be shown another way, through the work of Universal Medicine was a revelation. We all can learn to re-connect to our true essence and qualities of delicateness, love and stillness and let that be our guiding light. This supports us to feel the same qualities in another, regardless of gender.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know.” I feel the same Sharon, Serge Benhayon has also rebuilt my trust, not only in men but also in life again.
Like you LE and Sharon, I learned to trust myself, life and men with the support of Serge Benhayon and team of esoteric practitioners.
It is totally freeing when we can move without any prompt whatsoever that would usually underline and motivate our behaviour. It’s very hard to break the long-held image and belief as they are often seen as the truth, and this actually feels to be a rather lazy relationship to have with truth as what we are doing is basically repetition that would not even consider a possibility of there being something different, another way.
Understanding the feelings in our body and not over-riding them becomes a science that continually expands our awareness of so much of what is happening around us.
Reading this confirms to me how we taint the world and people with our perceptions and pictures, and as a result, keep the world and people at arm’s length. Then we are always on guard with people and then when the slightest thing that happens to indicate that a person is going to let us down we retreat.
‘I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.’ I love how you just responded to the situation and only afterwards realised this. I’ve had this where I just responded and only afterwards realised I’d cleared something big that I hadn’t fully realised I’d let go of. That’s the magic of healing one’s hurts and issues. What once bothered us now doesn’t even register.
Thank you Sharon for sharing so honestly your experience with getting your trust back to man. Now I have one question: Could it be that you with trusting man and yourself so much more you also have got back more joy in your life????
The truth is that men are innately very tender, warm and caring. The fact that so many behave in completely opposite ways is simply an indictment on society; on how boys feel so rejected by it that they get caught up in identifying with a role and behaviours that are utterly false. These ideals and behaviours become cemented by the time they reach adulthood and so the whole cycle begins again.
Yes, this really is an indictment on society as you say Michelle. And, as far as I can see, it’s an indictment worldwide where women are abusive and mistrusting of men and vice versa. Our hurts fuel our behaviours when really we could stop and start appreciating the divine qualities we bring to each other when we’re not at war.
And that’s the key.. focusing on what is there to appreciate rather than any ill behaviour that manifests. People are not their behaviours – these are just symptoms of their hurts. Cutting though all the behaviour to connect to the essence parks all that tension to one side and allows the appreciation of the innate qualities that are there.
I have found it is always great when I see and feel every situation and meeting as it comes in the moment rather than judge or project on to people or moments based on hurts of the past.
Yes, this is a wonderful way of living. To start afresh with every interaction and be open to the opportunities to heal those past hurts.
This is a beautiful story showing how, with the right support, we can heal deeply rooted hurts. Universal Medicine has certainly enabled me to let go of so many, so many in fact that I have lost count. I feel so much more joyful and empowered as a result.
To transcend past hurts and disappointments and be the love we innately are supports us to embrace all others equally.
“We have a great capacity for love and this is very beautiful to witness” and I would add live. When we become the love we innately are divides and judgements of others are exposed for the harm they cause. True love is without boundaries and holds all others equally.
Yes Richard there are two different energies to choose from and expression is everything. When we expect less, this is often what we feel we’re been given (energy of lack). When we have no expectations but live in the present, open, enquiring and appreciative of what we have, we feel fulfilled (energy of abundance). Simply learning from every experience and receiving each one as a blessing brings meaning to life.
‘Never trust a man’ was the guidance I received fromm my Mother, her hurt passed on to me became my mantra. It took years to dissolve this belief, first I had to learn to trust myself again. With self love it’s possible to open up to the truth of who we are as human beings and never again blindly pit one group against another again.
Yes it seems we pick up so many ‘mantras’ and beliefs from our parents and family members but we don’t have to stick to them.
What a beautiful and simple encounter that offered you an opportunity not so much to trust men again but to trust your own feelings. This is what Universal Medicine has been presenting to us since day 1, learning to re-connect to our body so that we can feel what is true and what is not.
Great distinction to make Alison. Not just trusting men again, but listening to our bodies and trusting our own feelings
How beautiful it is when you open your heart to a man, and what it reveals within us as women and men what we have missed = love.
Learning to trust men who are trustworthy is a very beautiful experience.
This is really lovely to read. Recently I had a horrid experience with a tradesman who were there to swindle me out of money. What was great was that my body was letting me know, screaming at me even in the form of tears and distress to not let him go ahead with some work. I got to realise this, not immediately as I put down my distress to other factors in my life at the time, but I did realise this. I got to feel how I could trust my body as I used it as a guide (how settled did I feel with the other workman I invited in to do quotes) as to who to choose next to rectify the mess and he did a great job.
When we carry a fear with us, we always expect the worst and then treat people as a result with that hurt constantly in our mind, and keep them at arms length, however when we drop our guard we realise that continuing to hold the hurt separates us from others and from those we love because we are always on alert, when we let go of the hurt we realise how constrained and controlling holding the hurt was.
When we say we don’t trust men or don’t trust women it comes with a judgement which caps our ability to truly connect and discern.
I can see what you’re saying there – as in if we project past experiences onto others then we don’t allow ourselves to truly see (receive) who they are, and that muddies our discernment.
Whenever we mistrust people, men or women, it is a sign that we are holding onto our hurts. We miss out on truly connecting if we hold a mistrust with people based on our hurts. This is why I feel it is so important to heal our hurts as it opens our body up to express more love.
This mistrust in men is huge and I for one have carried that around. Even after having experiences where you would say, rightly so, not to trust them. I have been able to heal and let go of long held experiences with healing my hurts and taking responsibility for my part in the situation thanks to the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom as taught by Serge Benhayon. Here we are free to feel and discern openly with all.
Very beautiful Natalie, healing our hurts is very much needed and this allows us to no longer hold the rest of humanity at ransom but like you shared to be ‘…free to feel and discern openly with all.’ This is super important.
Learning to trust what we feel in our own body allows us to feel what and who we can trust in another.
What I can feel from this is how easy it is to form a belief and pattern of reaction when I don’t allow myself to feel and accept what I am feeling and instead bring out judgment to feel like I am in the right, and it is never a conscious decision but it can happen very quickly and pretty firmly, and I need that to protect my position of being hurt. And I am beginning to wonder, when I say I ‘trust’ someone/something, what exactly am seeking to trust? It feels like I am wanting a guaranteed response, unconditionally – and that is so not going to happen as we are all vehicles of expression. And so the next question is – do I trust that we are actually all love in our essence? And I can sense some cloud over that one.
This is really lovely to read and has me reflecting on whether I’ve dropped my mistrust of men, but more so, of women. I would say yes, still a little bit of caution sometimes from old hurts before meeting new people in social situations as a kind of fantasy that I will not be liked and picked on, but the reality is, in person no. Perhaps it’s time to let go of these negative pictures I’ve been carrying around?!
Beautiful to read Sharon how through Universal Medicine and the reflection fromSerge Benhayon you were able to heal your hurts and learn to trust men and what your body was telling you.
Listening to our body allows us to know that the impulse is true over the knowledge or ideas that can so quickly flood into our mind.
I truly feel what you mean and I can tell that from this sharing that much has shifted inwardly that makes you move in that way now.. being able to trust people (men) more naturally as you described. Which is actually so natural to us, we just need to be trusting of what we feel inside us, then there is no problem at all, also not in trusting men or women.
Today I worked with a lot more men that I normally do and it was fantastic. I noticed that men respond really well when they not being imposed upon.
Reading this highlights to me how much we can project onto others how we are expecting them to be according to our beliefs or past experiences (or what we’ve seen on TV!) rather than actually being open to receiving how they are in that moment…
It is significant to realise how much our hurts from our past can still shadow and affect so many of our thoughts and behaviours today when they are unresolved.
A beautiful transformation and testament of how healing is it for us all when men live in connection to the tenderness of who they are in essence, and how deepening our relationship with the sacredness of our essence allows us to develop a greater sense of knowing the truth of any situation as such living with power.
The more we live from and honour our bodies the more we can let go of any old hurts and ways of being that are just not true anymore.
And how healing that is for the quality that we then bring to all our relationships and interactions.
Beautiful story of how when we deal with our hurts our world actually changes.
Well said Elizabeth and so true that when we take responsibility for the quality in which we live, for healing our hurts, the impact this has on all our relationships and beyond is phenomenal yet feels very natural and honouring all round.
That is very beautiful to read. We can build up a fear of the world if we are not open to it, and how we are actually deeply loving, sensitive people – and if we lived from our essence I am sure we would all be giving strangers lifts.
I know this feeling, this feeling of being afraid of men. And I also know this realisation of how this fear is partly based on the views of others – that is, of how men have been portrayed – and also due to a few bad experiences which left me untrusting of all men, no matter how sweet and tender in their nature they may be. So in as much as it is a huge task to over come this, I feel that it is also perhaps incredibly simple, because there is already something there that is beautiful and actually quite easy to find when one is willing to see a man for who he truly is.
Sharon, the healing that has occurred to allow for such a big turnaround in being able to trust where you didn’t trust before is profound and deeply inspiring.
I love how natural it is to let go of our hurts to the point that once healed it actually feels normal to not have them influencing us any more.
A few years ago, I would not have imagined this for myself. Today this possibility is now my natural way, having let go of and healed past hurts, I am no longer dominated by them.
It’s beautiful how reconnecting with our whole body helps us to recognise and let go of imposing beliefs that we may have taken on; filters that colour our perception of people rather than simply sensing each person as they are.
Yesterday I spoke with two men who I’ve never seen before. I would judge them easily in the past by their physical appearance but I could feel a no imposing energy that invited me to open up to them. This was not about giving my power away or sharing with them with blind eyes but by being in my body completely surrendered I could feel very clear what I had to say and all what was going on. The conversation flowed with ease, there was no need for anything else, I felt like me in my childhood sharing with other children, completely free, open and at the same time feeling beautiful from within with no holding back. This experience felt very new to me in my relationship with men. Definitely trust is not about having blind faith in anyone but feeling me and trusting the inner senses of my body. I appreciate the work done with Universal Medicine along these years as I’m learning to trust in me again, thanks to that I’m realizing that there is no need for being fearful or untrustful anymore.
Learning to trust men is still a walk I’m working at mastering. It’s a lot easier to work through when you have many men around showing you that men are tender, trustworthy and loving. This is one of the many gifts being a student of The Way of the Livingness offers. A gift of what it is to be around a true man.
‘Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.’ When we are connected to wisdom through the body there is truth we can rely on. We can be supported to reconnect to this via Esoteric Yoga, Connective Tissue Therapy, True Movement or Sacred Movement and we can have treatments with well qualified Esoteric practitioners too.
Sacred movement connects us back to the divine within us therefore it is easy to see the divine in another.
We have been educated from the moment we could hold conversations that the other gender is bad for us. I remember my relatives drilling into us that girls are actually worse than boys because they’re manipulative and can bring a lot more harm to the family. How insidious and ludicrous – if a girl is loved and cherished, she blossoms into a beautiful flower, these criticisms can only cement a lack of self-worth and care for one’s self.
Universal Medicine presentations have opened my eyes up to the beauty that lies within us all, both men and women and this has hugely supported my healing around being a woman. The more that I heal what has gotten in the way of me loving myself as a woman the more I heal my relationship with men.
I absolutely love the men in our community, they hold such deep respect and adoration for women.
When tenderness and sweetness are truly presented there are very few men who reject it. But where there is protection and fear this tends to confirm to them that this world isn’t safe and triggers there own personal hurts. The more we present our divinity the more we may see men around us melt into the caring, delicate teddy bears they naturally are. The alchemy comes from us living the truth – no holds barred.
” Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again. ”
This is very true for re-connecting with self is required for the healing of self first which is then reflected to the world.
I love this story, it shows that we are not the victims of our experiences and that we can heal the hurts we have experienced and truly can let them go.
I too am learning to be myself with all men and women in my life, to not hold back and see them for who they truly are… tender, caring, beautiful and delicate human beings.
Serge Benhayon was the first man I met that I truly knew would never ever hurt me. Now that doesn’t mean I haven’t been friends with or connected with men before who are utterly gorgeous and lovely… it was just that for me my whole body could surrender when talking with Serge, there was no need to protect. And because of this experience I have now been able to let in and open up to many many men in my life.
We can learn so much from life and especially when we meet strangers that show us again and again that little other aspect of life we have been blind to or not been able to see. And with these interactions we enrich our lives to the fullness we all deserve to live it.
We can hold on to experiences we had as a child into our adulthood. It is understandable that we have other capabilities to deal with situations as an adult, then why should we carry the hurts of bad experiences from our childhood into adulthood while the same experience as an adult would not bring that same hurt because of the increased awareness and reasoning we have developed. So it makes no sense to carry these hurts unresolved into adulthood as they do not relate anymore and are only a way we use to distract ourselves from life in full because of the fear of having to experience these situations once again. So in a way we make a story of it in our mind, a story that unnoticeable will have its influence over us every day.
They say it takes longer to undo a negative feeling than a positive one – but this totally switches it on its head – showing how we can actually let go of past hurts by simply being open to the present. That is so huge – to break the whole construct of beliefs and to be open to what is next.
I’m struck here about responsibilities – how the imprint of one relationship (in this instance your father) then has a knock on effect for the rest of your life. This ripple effect can be both negative and positive, but it is tangible and real and calls us all to be responsible for our movements.
Indeed Simon, any act or interaction can bring that little spark that lights peoples day. To bring the responsibility to live in that way into your life can never be a burden.
I am realising we cannot address our hurts unless we learn to trust and in order to learn to trust we need to let go of the hurts! It is the most divine healing cycle.
Ha ha love that Lucy, yes a most divine cycle! I have found that I can be very stubborn in letting go of said hurts though, and find a lot of us find it easier to stay in perceived protection over surrender and responsibility.
I wonder if this is because we think someone is going to tell us off for getting it wrong. I am starting to live being OK with being wrong, not judging myself but actually saying to myself, “OK, how did that happen?” The most important part of breaking the cycle I have found is to live in a way that builds a relationship with love and a gentle way of being so I sow seeds that grow the quality I want to reap 🙂
This is beautiful Sharon, imagine how men must feel being always eyed with suspicion of violence, I remember my flatmate a man, sharing he would always cross the road if he came across a woman walking in front of him, I was confused at first then I understood he didn’t want to be perceived as a threat. We most certainly do set everything up so we are all in fear men and women.
This is extraordinary Vanessa. What have we as women been emitting to cause a young man to have to act in such a way? It is time for us to claim our loving, holding ways, to make a path back to gender harmony, and bring appreciation of the beautiful men in our lives.
Yes men are easily painted by society as being scary, dangerous and so on, but this is just a few men that are so very hurt and empty that they do these things, not all men! But I know the feeling and I find it really inspiring how you let that go completely by relearning to trust your feelings again. Which is in the end the only way we can know the true intent of anyone we meet, be it a man or a woman.
When we feel the trust return to us then we have become reconnected to our essence so we feel what energy others are living in. No judgement or critique as each person is living in accordance to the choices they make each moment.
I wonder whether we relearn to trust our sixth sense and inner knowing more than other people or a particular person in these instances?
Its the responsibility of all men to lead with their fragility, their vulnerability so the world can be re-educated and see that super tender side of us rather than the image of abused strength and violence that has been our calling card for aeons.
As men we have exactly the same issues going on, and so we stand with our walls up, shaking hands, talking about work and sport but always keeping others out. Your words inspire me Sharon to see that just one of us deciding to open up allows the rest to melt and no longer harden up.
As a man who experienced some negative events around women as a child and teenager, I had a similar suspicion and mistrust of women which played out and plagued all my relationships until with the support of Universal Medicine and healing sessions I could see more clearly my part in it and my choice to react to these situations and also the presentations and modalities of Universal Medicine have supported me to understand more fully and compassionately why human beings behave the way they do, including the energetic forces at play behind the scenes, which allows me to understand the bigger more expanded picture which has supported me to heal many of my personal hurts around women and relationships and now I also enjoy wonderful relationships with many women in my life, including my wife and daughter.
” I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men. ”
The beauty of this is that, men will now get the opportunity to do the same when they meet you.
I agree Sharon, in the past I was quite cautious around men and would be quite shutdown to them if I didn’t know them. This has changed for me as well since meeting Serge Benhayon, I can now embrace men with a warmth and openness that has completely transformed my relationships with men.
The fact that men and woman are so amazingly different and yet in essence so equally delicate and stunning is only known to me so deeply thanks to the presentations and living teachings that make up Universal Medicine. Also, the part men and woman play on a larger scale, I understand so clearly now, equality has taken on a whole new meaning.
This is a very important subject to raise, as many women live with this distrust lurking in the background of their lives, that affects their relationships with everyone, not just men. So to read about someone who has been able to truly heal this distrust is a beacon of light for other women.
This is a beautiful sharing of how simple, supportive and engaging life can be when we are deeply in touch with our own bodies.
When we live from our past experiences we do not know the truth of what is in front of us, our vision can be tainted with unrealistic fear from the past. When we drop that our awareness grows so we can in fact feel the situation at hand this allows us to discern accurately.
Beautiful to hear the beginning, healing, and end of your mistrust Sharon… the depth you let anyone in is a clear indication of the depth to which you are allowing yourself to trust and that will affect your whole life and everyone in it.
Yes, and I am getting a clear indication that this applies to every aspect of our lives. If we are fearful of a particular outcome we energetically push people away, so there is no outward, logical reason why it is happening but happen it does and will continue till we spot the pattern. When it happens we believe it confirms our fears were founded and therefore cements them further, yet we are the reason our fears came true! Whoops – I shot myself in the foot again – pictures unravelling left right and centre!!!
Such a cool story. I love how we each have the opportunity to heal whatever it is we need to in order to free us from the shackles we put ourselves in. It can be so simple.
The more we know our true selves the less we worry about other people. It’s our knowing, openness and natural confidence that keeps us safe. Thank you Sharon for the reminder.
So true Joseph, and may I add that when we are open to being self-loving then it is that openness, which allows our body to not absorb others choices that are not so loving.
Sharon that’s beautiful, learning to read again is something that the world desperately needs, at the moment many of us have lost our ability to trust and without reading the situation and not being able to feel what is true the worst case scenarios can often get played out – leaving us all short of that beautiful connection we can otherwise be offered.
This clearly shows that when we mistrust, we have a missing of love within ourselves.. a trust that is missing because we do not allow ourselves to be loved, to be ourselves and to let out the love in our selves. Profound to let go of any hurt or protection we might hold – if this is to a man or a woman. As when we let go, we let ourselves be seen and there is more space to love, being love and being loved.
Trusting men was something I too have overcome over the years Sharon and found the more I trusted and connected to myself the more open and honest I have become with not only men in my life but also everyone in my life. Once we confirm ourselves we then confirm all others and this has been a significant key for me and all my relationships.
Once we claim ourselves, know our own Godliness, strength, beauty, delicateness, intelligence and love, we only have to read men, and women, and understand, and then there will be no lack of trust, no contraction, no fear, just a knowing.
Lack of trust is a massive thing worldwide, it’s so important to know that every movement and every choice and every word we speak either builds trust or destroys trust in someone.
What I love about this is that it shows me that when we can allow our feelings to communicate what is going on right now we don’t have to rely on our past experience to judge a person/situation. I can really feel the lightness of that – stark contrast to the heaviness of going about the day as though I am dragging suitcases loaded with the past hurts and emotions just in case I need to refer back to them to make a judgment about what is happening now, and to justify the heavy loads, and the misery of carrying them.
” By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, ” This is pretty awesome especially when one considers your profession , what a knock on affect that will joyfully have.
It is such a powerful expression … trust… and it is deeply healing for all
Over the years, I am learning that the more that I trust myself the more that I don’t invest in having to trust another but allow them to just be.
I have a similar experience with women who behave in a particular way and it is an ongoing amazing experience to be free of this stricture.
Like a scarred and scared rescue dog on one of those tv vet shows, I can see I have been cautiously petrified about being close to people. There was a time I would proclaim how much I loved them yet not let them near me in reality. Whilst I have come so far since then, today reading your words Sharon I can see how much further my rehabilitation can go, how normal it is for us to keep others at arms length. But is that our natural way? Not at all.
Gorgeous Joseph, the universe celebrates 🙂
Thank you for sharing so openly, Sharon, and by doing so you reflect that the deepest fears and hurts can be healed.
Thank you Sharon, so true, when we are trusting men, we are equally trusting ourselves — hence it is more the question: how much do we allow of ourselves to be with everyone (as men and women are in truth equal beingnesses)?..
That is true, once we trust ourselves we can work through bad experiences from the past and don’t have to be limited by them any more.
Yes very true when we trust ourselves we know when something does not feel safe or right and will know what to do. When we have only the ideal in our head of men being dangerous we judge everyone for the acts of only maybe one.
To build trust in ourselves again, that we trust that what we feel, is a huge healing for us all as this opens us up to each other and lets us see what is truly there.
When we lose trust in life and in other people in particular, we can feel very lost as we are made to live and work together as one on our way back to a humane way of living that is respectful and dedicated to the essence of our being.
Thank you Sharon, I can relate and feel the largest part has been coming to understand myself. When you start to include the fact of past lives in our view of our world and how we feel, you can appreciate how every step forward can be difficult but is a miracle too.
Dealing with our hurts and learning to let them go is key to experiencing a true connection with others.
We can be so quick to cast a judgement on another that then it becomes cloudy at what the truth is, when instead we can use the power of observation and discern the vibration of another, as in truth we are all love and when we address that which is true in another their behaviours and negative actions disappear.
Yes men are not the other species I used to think they were. The more I allow myself to be me and trust in myself, the more I am able to understand and trust men and women. As I type this I can feel that its my investment in how I think others should be that is damaging.
Through having men in my life who are very honouring of me I have learnt to open up to men again. I always held myself as lesser to men but through the consistent support of some gorgeous men in my life I have been able to see and feel all that I offer and learn to hold myself as equal to men and see what I bring to them.
Oh boy my relationship with men is changing enormously and it is gorgeous. This is simply because I am constantly looking at and healing myself in my relationship with my husband. I know that allowing him in, being transparent and open, expressing truth and appreciation, having understanding, patience, a holding and observing without judgement are all the qualities I take into every relationship including the connections I make with men. It is about taking the absolute responsibility when something is being presented and this is the answer to having beautiful relationships with men now occurring in my life.
Having had some scary encounters with men I can also say I’ve had some trust issues. Interestingly though, not so much around the physical aspect (as in fear of being attacked, etc) but mistrust as to their intentions, motives and latent or overt sexist prejudices. I deeply appreciate Serge Benhayon and the many men I’ve met via Universal Medicine who live the understanding that women and men are equal.
Having a willingness to let go of hurts allows us to build trust in life as we are finally able to once again connect to that which is true within and divine in every way.
I agree Francisco. When we hold onto hurts, they stay in our bodies and form shields that both keep us separate and dont allow others in.
Yes we are all people – men and women and at heart equally loving and gorgeous but sometimes our hurts do get in the way. Important not to hold the hurt behaviour of one person against another who may not be that way at all.
Developing our relationship with self allows us to experience the greatest gift of all, and that is to once again trust in humanity and the whole evolution process of life.
Sometimes it takes a true man, one who is strong, steady and connected to his innate tenderness, to restore our faith in all men and know that deep down every man has these qualities.
Reconnecting to our essence allows all sorts of changes in the way we feel with life, because in connecting we develop our awareness so we get a much deeper understanding and connection to everyone, then we know who is safe!
A lot of our interactions with others are tainted by our past experiences, imagine if we started a day totally fresh and every interaction was a totally fresh meeting, we would see the absolute truth in every moment AND we would see how amazing people are.
Mistrust others or is it that we have learned from a very young age to mistrust our own feelings and are no longer connected to what lives inside ourselves and what gives clear messages when we listen again.
What appears as the mistrust to others, is only partially so. It is also mistrust to ourselves because we have said no to our clairsentience, we have been left without any instrument to feel into someone. So, since we have no tools to discern, we just issue a blank statement and put everyone in the same boat (we have carefully placed ourselves in).
The more I let myself be open to men the more I realise how tender and absolutely gorgeous men are, despite what they may show on the outside.
We do have an instant knowing if we can trust someone or not but the trust starts with ourselves and listening to that inner knowing and not over riding it or ignoring it.
Great to re read your sharing Sharon and reconfirm how very important it is for us all to feel and live in equality with men.
We really are given an opportunity to let go of so much that holds us back in life when we work with the teachings of Universal Medicine and apply them in our daily living. Learning to trust what we feel in our bodies again and not just blindly following or doing something because it is what we have always done or is the polite thing to do.
Beautiful, the more we learn to trust ourselves the more we learn to trust our feelings with others.
I love the unfolding you describe here. The more we embrace ourselves the more we will be able to embrace others.
Its lovely to hear you opening up as you learn to trust more. As each petal unfolds, your inner beauty is shared.
I have recently experienced a situation in my life that I realised that I didn’t feel a level of trust with a particular person. I had always thought it was there, but circumstances exposed that I didn’t trust the person. I now have been able to feel into why it isn’t there, bringing it back to a level of lacking trust within myself. This has helped to shift what I felt towards this person.
I very much like what you share here, as you show that we can learn to trust ourselves again, that we have an inbuilt compass that knows when something feels right or not.
It is incredible how quickly the option is there to not trust each other and how it can take just one hurt-full event to bring down all the shutters of our hearts and to close them with a huge lock and key, feeling protected we then venture back out in to the world again – now somewhat weighed down by our huge shutters and their appending shackling locks. What brings this all quite sweetly back to reality though is how, certainly for myself and for many whom I have spoken with, we do tend to carry these burdens in the hope that someone will have the solution for how to get rid of them, how to open up again and to have love once again in our lives – which shows that the locking away of our hearts is actually not what we want or need or truly desire, that this is a reaction which we innately know is not healing.
Beautiful sharing Sharon, it feels like a homecoming when we are able to trust ourselves and all that we feel. When we trust we have this inner knowing and confidence that all will work out and everything that come our way, we are fully equipped to deal with.
The healing power of love and tenderness can never be under-estimated.
I just love the synchronicity of God. A man gets off at the ” wrong ” bus stop just near where sacred movement has happened. And meets a lady who needs support in allowing men in , is this just not magic.
It feels to me that men get such a bad reputation just for being men. Of course some men do horrible things but not every man does and in truth not the majority of men so we have to learn to let go of our images around “all men are/do this or that” and embrace men for who they are in truth.
I used to have a huge distrust of men but then I realised that it was myself I’d not been trusting. We all can feel in our bodies when to trust someone or not. I’d simply overridden that trust a few times and then been confirmed in my mistrust of men. It’s not others we need to trust, it’s ourselves.
There is something about Serge Benhayon that shows us what it is like to be around a man who is transparent. He talks what he walks and inspires anyone who meets him to do the same. That is a gift that re-connects us to our body awareness so we can learn to trust what we feel again and not brush over it or feel overwhelmed.
Beautiful to read how through meeting gentle men through Universal Medicine you have been able to learn to trust men again, and letting go of your mistrust in men has allowed you the freedom to openly talk and help another man, who you once would not have been able to do.
Finding our way through any phobia is instrumental in our evolution.
I can remember when my daughter was a baby she would cry when she was anywhere near two particular men. The one man felt rejection but I knew my daughter was clearly communicating with us that something was not right. It was later a few years down the line that I was able to read what she was feeling. The feeling had been there all along… I didn’t want to see it. We know as babies/children when to trust another but we can lose our ability to read situations for various justifications as we get older. Allowing myself to see and read is one of the best gifts I can give to myself and another.
“From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.” This discovery would be very freeing for you. When we can honestly look at our own actions we can set ourselves free.
Awesome sharing Sharon. For most of my life I have kept men at a safe distance not being able to trust them. However, I was not able to trust in myself and I was not able to express my feelings which meant the few relationships I did have with men were never going to work. It was clear I had to work on the relationship with myself, and I have changed so much since attending the courses and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and like yourself, I can now trust in what I feel, and from this foundation, I can trust in life and all it brings and I can trust people again.
Thank you Sharon for your inspiration and confirmation that we can trust ourselves to take a risk and get to know men who are in truth trustworthy. Having the connection to some truly wonderful men in Universal Medicine and as you mention Serge Benhayon especially can open us up to trust again.
This is such a lesson for us in a risk averse society. When we turn off our ability to feel we turn off our early warning system and are at the mercy of appearances which are very easy to manipulate.
I have found that when I allow myself to fully read what is happening in any situation I actually know what to do and have no doubt. When we allow that deeper with our bodies and our inner wisdom as you did Sharon it allows for this ability to read to be there.
When our fears our confirmed they come cemented all the more but whenever a fear comes up to our awareness, there is always an opportunity to address it, heal and correct it.
And clearing them is self-empowering.
For most of my life I lived with a level of fear around men too. Through the enormous inspiration and teachings shared by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been able to clear a lot of my hurts and past experiences involving men, to now having beautiful connections with men and really seeing them for who they are and that is awesome. Being able to read and observe life has been a huge help and brings greater honesty to the forefront of how i live life and how I interact with men and women. Thank you Sharon for sharing your experiences.
How awesome to read stories of people learning to trust again and to let go of old patterns and beliefs that have kept us all so stuck in fear for so long. No, the world isn’t the safest place and there is a lot of awful stuff that goes on, but fear attracts fear and so the more we can let go of, whilst of course always being discerning, the less fear we project out there. We all have a responsibility in healing our hurts because we’re all contributing to the state of the world by not doing so.
Sharon thank you, I have read this before and when I look back I can see I have experienced immense change around my relationship to men. I used to be terrified of men and now there is much more ease and settlement in my body. I am still discerning but overall so much of my reaction to men has cleared and in its place now harmony, appreciation and observation.
It’s beautiful how you’ve opened up Sharon and don’t now automatically transfer past experiences onto others but are open to seeing where they are truly coming from…
I love the quality, essence and feel of that moment when we realise that what has bound us in the past no longer does. The moment we catch ourselves saying yes to another being in full equality is a very special moment, worthy of great appreciation for what has been let go and what is about to expand.
Yesterday in the middle of a disagreement with my partner, I found myself grasping her hand and squeezing it tight. It was subtle you could say, but I could feel I did it in the same energy that makes tender, gorgeous men hit their wives. Thankfully for me, my partner knows this is not the real me, and helped me come back to myself. As your words Sharon show when women are not fooled or bullied into believing the worst of men, there’s a beautiful connection that can be there instead. All of this is possible when we honour and back ourselves, instead of giving in to fears.
And so lovely for the men you meet now to not all be tainted by those negative experiences. It seems a fear of men is so common, and there are circumstances where fear may be justified, but equally so many experiences that would be there to be treasured. Scratch below the surface and few men are actually scary, just in protection from the expectation of how they feel they need to act to gain acceptance.
Beautifully shared Stephen. It is true, men get a tough rap as a result of the behaviour of a few and we would do well to approach everyone with a fresh perspective. After all, our cells change so often we are scientifically never the same from one day to the next so who is to say our behaviours and responses can’t also change if we take steps in the right direction?!
Thank you Lucy, it certainly is true that many women I have met have been scarred by their treatment by men, and by the protective behaviours that men become enveloped by. What we all need is less gender battles and more openness to the innate love that is everyone at their heart. The magic is in the ability to open one another up and let go of those protections, hurts and deep rooted fears.
Letting go of hurts that have tainted out relationships with others with protection and judgement is the ultimate gift we can offer humanity for it is only then that we can truly meet another with an open heart in connection with our soul.
It’s amazing Sharon how you can speak to someone and they will say ‘oh all the people in that town are moody and cold’ and then you can meet another who describes the same place as ‘fabulous, friendly and welcoming’. To me this demonstrates the huge effect the preconceptions and energy we walk around with have. If we approach others, in a truly loving way, bold, open, tender and wise, wow – I think we would be in for a big surprise, to see the way the world would respond and change. This truly makes you realise the huge responsibility we all have to choose Love in every move that we make.
A big part of how we protect ourselves is labelling everyone as potential harm when we have only experienced a hurt from one.
My relationships with men are changing too and it’s incredible. I would run a mile if I felt any sexual energy coming my way but today I can observe it and remain in my body. In fact because of my willingness to heal as to why I attracted the sexual energy in the first place it is becoming much less in my life and so I am allowing myself to just be with men and accept and love them for who they are. It is such a turn around and I owe it to the amazing support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Thank you for sharing how your feelings about men has changed with building trust in yourself after a life long pattern of not using your sensitivity and mistrusting men. How simple can life be when we use this 6th sense and start to connect to the e-quality from men and women.
Being with the men who attend The Way of the Livingness presentations and courses is the most healing experience for any women, there is no tension of any sort. It is a relief and over time you get used to be with men where you can surrender the defences and protections built up through our lives and then when you just are with a man with that ease and love it is truly revolutionary.
It is a beautiful thing to regain trust in our body and humanity. To find that we know who to be with and who we don’t. It is the sensitivity that we need to allow, and trust our own body that shows in every way what we know to be true.
It is sad how hurtings hold us back from connecting again with people deeply, until we have solved this hurting or left it behind. Beautiful to read how easy it can be to start and connect again.
This is beautiful because it breaks the stalemate of “I’ll be love if you go first.” To be love unconditionally is going to change the world, person by person.
A beautiful sharing Sharon. Deeply trusting Serge Benhayon, as I do, has enabled me to trust other men too. The beautiful gentle men in the Universal Medicine student community expands that trust for me too.
It’s amazing the ripple effect of how we are in life – how by knowing a group of men who are open and truly loving this helped you to re-open to other men in life and not tar them all with the same brush of past experience.
We are brought up to think there’s a difference between men and women, but when you look into the eye of a man there is the same sweetness and tenderness and worldliness as a women. We are all capable of doing awful things – both men and women. Just the same as we are all capable of enormous amounts of love.
The more I understand and stay connected to myself at my essence, the original and natural part of me, the more I can see that others are just the same and that helps build trust even if they can’t yet live the purity of who they are.
Men do a lot to avoid being trusted. And are indeed capable of terrible things. What they do, though, is the final result of other things that happen to them. It is easy to single them out. But how true is it if we do so? What are women doing or not doing that allow men to act the way they do?
What I have found that it is not so much about learning to trust men but learning to trust my own feelings. When we are young we naturally have an inbuilt radar that is able to discern men who are true and caring and men who are sleazy and untrustworthy, but we learn to switch this off as we grow up because we are taught to be polite and nice to people even though everything in our body says stay away.
A beautiful story that shows it is never too late to let go of what we have held on to that holds us back from seeing the beauty that lay inside the many by no longer tainting them all due to the behavior of a few.
As a society we need to learn how to say no to abusive and unloving behaviours without rejecting the actual person. For at the core of every man, woman and child is the essence of untainted divinity that cannot be tarnished by any ill behaviour. When we connect to this within ourselves, it is much more simple to connect to it in others.
Judgement can come in many forms and hidden in a pocket of fear means there is a pretty strong chance of it remaining undiscovered. Within every fear we hold is a judgement that is not true and to share in this blog where one has been exposed and released is amazing. The antidote has been confirmed. Just bring in more self-loving practice and the fears will drop away.
Men deep down are the same as us, I recently did a course with a group of older men and when I walked in the room I was seriously concerned that I would be physically strong enough to keep up with all these strong looking men, but instead of them trying to outdo me they were super sweet and helped me the whole day. It really confirmed to me that we’re all the same, and life is so much sweeter when we support each other.
This is a great example Sharon of how when we heal ourselves within, how we perceive the world on the outer changes. With this example, it’s not that we don’t trust others, it’s that we have stopped trusting ourselves.
It is touching to read about someone letting go of a debilitating pattern in their life. It is remarkable that this turn about is so common around Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine simply because people are related to with absolute love, equality and honouring as well as supported to know the amazingness of their essence, connect deeply to their innate wisdom and live according to their heart.
When we are in fear we have lost connection with ourselves and thereby our innate trust in ourselves. You share here, Sharon, how reconnecting to knowing truth through feeling we need not be fearful, just responsible.
This is so true Sharon, with the innermost re-connection, confidence is very different in its expression – not requiring any false assertiveness or accolades from another, just to simply be present with the body and any old traces of self doubt begin to deconstruct and disappear.
”With the innermost re-connection, the inner confidence is the foundation”
I really love this story. Letting go of what we have taken on that holds our bodies in certain patterns (i.e. not trusting men) and then using the wisdom of our bodies to discern in each situation what is right is so priceless.
What you have shared Sharon is huge, that you can have such a distrust of men to then being able to give a lift to a complete stranger. But I can also see how this can happen because as you say when meeting Serge Benhayon he is so completely open there is no guard at all and you can instantly feel safe in his presence. And this does help us to re build our trust in the world again.
Yes, Serge Benhayon is a man one can feel instantly as being safe with and thus can learn to trust men again through the reflections of openness, truth that this humble man offers.
I can relate to keeping my distance from men. But since re-learning to trust my feelings and open up to men within the student body and of course Serge Benhayon. I am noticing how sweet and tender men really are or can be when they allow themselves to open up as well, which I notice does come out more as I am willing to open up to myself with them.
I agree Leigh, since reconnecting to my own essence and observing men in the Universal Medicine student body also living from their essence (as tender, caring and loving) it’s been like getting reacquainted with men. Although I meet many men who aren’t yet able to live from the essence of who they are, I know that this is still who they truly are even if it’s hidden away underneath what they have taken on. If I feel unsafe around a man that’s something I trust my feelings on but I still recognise that we are all love in essence.
When we lose trust in ourselves which happens through the accumulation of undealt with hurts, not endorsing what it is we feel, and shutting down our clairsentience, we put the guards up towards others. Everyone becomes part of the false picture we paint and look through, via lens tainted and marked by the wounds that still fester within. Sadly, this is how most people live their lives.
How is it that we can hold half the population to ransom because of what two men did to us? We tend to do this because we have been hurt and as you discovered and masterfully executed, once we address and heal these hurts, we are free to be who we truly are.
I love this sharing and how it shows that the issue with trust is actually inside of us. That it is about trusting ourselves first and what we feel.
Yes, we have to come back to the naturalness of being present in our body and then trust what it is communicating with us.
I love how you bring it back to trusting ourselves Sharon, what we feel and following through on this, it really is the basis of how we can then trust others, men and women.
When our trust deepens with ourselves and with what our body is telling us we will know who we can trust and cannot trust.
I love this little story. Yes we need to be aware of the fact that in reality some people are not trust worthy, but definitely not all, and with our natural ability to feel the difference we can allow ourselves to be open to others in a way that supports everyone.
One of the many gifts of being part of a Sacred Movement group is my increasing connection to my body and allowing this to my guide through life. When connected there is a knowing of what is next which allows for a deep settledness and a quietening of the anxiety that has plagued me for so many years.
For me what comes up reading about your lovely encounter is my lack of trust in myself rather than men and how there have been times in my life when I have overcome my innate distrust of strangers and just known that I could trust a man I did not know but for the majority of my life I have cut myself off from the potential of such experiences because I did not trust myself.
So true Helen – if there is no inner connection with ourselves, how can we trust that which feels so separated, unfamiliar and nebulous and thus reliant upon how the outside world sees and approves of us of not.
“….I have cut myself off from the potential of such experiences because I did not trust myself”.
Just yesterday I was chatting to a female friend about the fact that neither of us have any male friends and it’s something we felt we have missed out on.
I sat in on the last part of a men’s group today and I was so deeply touched by the way in which the men expressed themselves. It made me realize how important it is to honour men in their tenderness and to let go of the hurts that both gender carry towards each other.
The more open I am with people, the more I can feel their intentions. It’s not with a judgement – simply an observation which then impulses my next movement.
When I was working as a security guard for over 20 years I was proud of the fact I never got into a fight or threw a punch. At the same time I was running scared on the inside, even though I trained at Judo at the international level and had representative tournaments where I got a silver medal; none of this made sense. It was not until I found the presentations of Serge Benhayon that I learnt how to become a truly tender, sensitive and fragile man who can still handle himself if required. Life has become all about making a loving choice to be a divine example of what being a man is all about. No different from the women of The Livingness who are a divine reflection of what a true role model is in today’s society.
So much of what you have shared Sharon is what many people today are caught up in. This is the false distrust of our equal brothers and when we connect to our divine essence our whole world is turned upside down as you have shared.
If we lose this ability to trust what we feel we might feel the need to create another form of security which might come in feeling the need to do a self defence course, carrying some form of weapon to protect oneself, or what ever it might be. Or just keeping people at bay. We could secure our house to the max, buying insurance to cover everything thinkable. If we feel that is needed so be it but if we start to listen to what we feel we might feel what could come way before and not even go there. I’m not saying abandon security but there is a way to navigate through life where what we feel will lead the way and not the head that might be full of fears of everything we perceive could happen. Then we could end up in a safe house with high walls around it afraid of what might come at us.
Being able to trust men reflects your being able to trust in yourself and your ability to feel, what a great gift to realize and to live life with.
This is such a supportive blog to read Sharon, thank you for sharing this with us. So interesting to note how one horrific or bad experience can easily cause us to hold others in mistrust. It is a great example that through healing our hurts and trauma this allows us to be open and trust the world and people again.
Thank you Sharon, it’s about allowing ourselves to continue to trust how we feel person to person, and not painting any one group a certain way because of one individual’s actions. I found your story very inspiring because I also have had trust issues with men, and I can feel there are some more things for me to uncover there about trust in general.
I love how you just dived into the deep end with this Sharon. There was no dipping your toe in the water, you went head first and had a stranger hop into your car, one of the most potentially dangerous things you could do! I’m joking (but it is also true). BUT, I do absolutely know the feeling of knowing when you can trust a person. I’ve felt it many times, and I’ve hopped into cars before of people I don’t know, knowing I was safe simply because I could feel it.
Yes, Elodie, I agree. As the energetic innermost re-connection grows, so does the discernment with people and events and there is an instant knowing of what is true and can be trusted or not.
Whilst reflecting on your blog this morning Sharon I am aware that in my learning to trust men again I am learning to trust myself; a very powerful lesson, thank you.
I didn’t realise how shut off I had become to men until I started to let them in again. When I was in a state of mis-trust what was interesting was that was all I seemed to encounter. It was as though because I chose to see only that in men, that was all I was shown. Whereas there was much more out there, I was simply shut off from it and not willing to see it.
“I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.” So great to read Sharon – what a realisation. Staying open and trusting without any barriers – we get back what we put out. Thank you for sharing this.
Letting go of old hurts allows us to open up to new experiences in life that are not tainted by the past but impulsed from an open heart.
As I am learning to read what a situation presents discernment is becoming a key to what others can bring to me. So as I am becoming more clairsentient each situation that presents itself I base what I do on the situation at hand the same as you did Sharon.
Even though there are men that act in very abusive ways to women and are not to be for instance invited in our cars… there are many more men out there who honestly would never harm a woman. I have had instances too that made me more scared to be alone on the streets yet I can see from this blog it is important to keep feeling and not go with all the thoughts and keep many honest and caring men out of my life.
Learning to trust what we feel in our body and respond to that is a wonderful re-awakening. It’s like a fog starts to lift and there is more freedom in my body, as the trust increases the need for protection decreases.
Yes that is so true Sharon, it is about trusting our feelings in our body again, and especially in the moments or in situations were we are used to hide them /not feel them.. As you share it is our choice to trust ourselves first and from there it is easy to trust as you will stay true to what you feel eventually,even if we did not do it before. It is the matter of power we take in our hands to change things around.
Whether it be male or female, trusting is a matter of trusting ourselves firstly to stay true to our choices, and not be swayed, as I feel that’s the fear if we let ourselves down.
Beautiful to hear and yes we need more trust, not more fear.
Hi Sharon this is great testimony to the fact that you are now able to trust yourself again. For me it is not a matter of trusting another whether they are male or female, it is more about trusting that I am able to discern the energy the person is in as previously I was so easily tricked into trusting ‘nice’ people that presented well and said all the ‘right’ things or people I thought I should trust because of their station in life as I always doubted and overrode my initial feelings.
Thanks Sharon, your article has shown how our past hurts impact on all our interactions and how by healing those hurts the benefits are life changing.
Wow those simple moments that come after getting support for some of the long held fears and beliefs. Thank you for sharing such a simple yet profound moment.
This is such a beautiful story Sharon, so amazing to get back faith and the ability to trust in men again and be able to tune into what is true. Having Serge and his boys and a whole bunch of other truly gentle fellas around you is just so confirming that we are not all bad eggs.
Learning to trust myself means being able to take care and nurture myself and give myself whatever is needed in the moment and to accept myself wholeheartedly if I don’t,, allowing myself to understand whatever played out.
It is amazing how much life we have squeezed out of life because of the perceptions we hold. Of course never discount the danger you pick up on but also equally never let a perception let you miss out on the beauty of life.
We are definitely not history of the past when we heal our hurts. Its through healing our own hurts can we even begin trusting ourselves before we start to trust another whether it be a man or a women. It is our trust and hurts where the problem lies.
When inner truth is forgotten many issues can arise. I love how your issue become none existent when you connected back to your inner truth and knowing. Great wisdom to take where ever we feel any issues arise in our life.
It’s great that you share this Sharon and open the conversation, for as women, we have a long way to go… I can’t help but feel how the responsibility gets shifted to ‘men’ – that so many women hold a strong tendency to expect men to be different, and do not deal with their own responsibility, i.e. to look at and be willing to heal our own trust issues, which begin with trust of ourselves.
Men have not been perfect, but the view of men is so tainted. And then, when a man does reconnect with all the beauty that he is, many women do not want to see this, preferring instead the comfortable stance of ‘us and them’, of prejudice, unhealed issues (not to belittle trauma in any way here, but I trust that what is shared here is understood), and at times completely concocting ‘issues’ in order to maintain such a stance.
We are all in essence the same, whether male or female. Yes there are differences by virtue of our expression and physicality in gender, but if we are not able to connect to the essential ‘sameness’, then that is an alert that we have an opportunity to go deeper.
The mistrust of men runs very deep in many… often without due admission of the fact, and tainting our ability as women, to truly meet another for all that they are, without the veil of gender mistrust and oftentimes bias over our eyes.
I love this line – “Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.” We are not victims of our past when we heal our hurts.
When we are not able to trust other people how much are we then able to trust ourselves?
Thank you Sharon for your sharing. I still find I am cautious when walking or driving alone. Though recently I have given 2 people a lift in my car without incident and a nice connection developed at the time. I do need to trust my instincts more.
I used to cross the road if ever I was walking alone at night and saw a man approaching from the other direction. I used to be very fearful of men, but also quite dismissive of them too. Much of that has changed. As I have come to know my own tenderness and fragility I can see that easily in men too.
And what a gorgeous lesson you have learned – as we develop love and trust in ourselves it radiates outwardly and touches everyone and everything equally – with no exceptions!
The provenance of words is an important thing. We have known for centuries that the hard, tough guy act is not the way to be. For all that time the phrase ‘gentle-man’ has been used, a marker of what is true, available to us all. I never clocked what it actually meant when I was younger – how stupid is that? But these days it calls me, to express the love that is inside and truly be gentle.
I find the more trusting I become of myself the more I trust and let others in.
The issue that we carry around trust in never about another but the willingness to let go and trust ourselves first. This blog is a great read in bringing awareness to how often this is ignored or we stop men from receiving the gracious presence that we offer by just being the gorgeous women we are.
Like you Sharon I also held a mistrust for men for many years, meeting Serge Benhayon changed all that for me and slowly I began to trust men again and to not feel so shutdown around them. This has been a very empowering and deeply healing experience as I find myself surrounding myself with men that are very tender, gentle and not afraid to express this in the world.
Thanks for sharing your journey Sharon, and I can feel how through learning to trust yourself and your own body, you allowed the space to trust others including men.
There is a huge gulf of mistrust between men and women and this is evident all over the world. We fight for equality when we are already equal and born that way. We can address this issue through developing a loving relationship with our own awareness so we can feel the truth that has been there all along.
The more we trust ourselves, the deeper we can go in relationships, as it’s our own self love that we are bringing and if that’s intact, we can never be hurt.
As women developing a trusting relationship with ourselves is powerful. Trusting what we feel, what we know, building a loving relationship with ourselves. Trust then is being open but also having commonsense and knowing that we can be open and let others in, particularly men if we have trust issues, but also use our wisdom when it does not feel right.
Definitely the reflection of men such as Serge Benhayon is very loving and there is not one minute ounce of anything in him that would harm another. To be able to experience that is a very beautiful experience, but it is our trust and knowing that allows us to feel and see that.
Learning to trust ourselves and what we feel can be tricky at times especially when the head starts to come in and complicate things or take you into doubt. I have found that those things that I truly needed to trust with, my body never lets me down.
This is very powerful Sharon. I wonder how many people choose to ‘keep themselves to themselves’ because of ideas, images and beliefs they have about others – that are not in fact true or real. How awesome that you chose to follow the impulse of your heart and have this very healing experience.
So true Richard, how damaging are these perceptions that may lean as to miss such beautiful events such as described in this blog.
I have found the integrity and brotherhood of the Students of the Livingness to be second to none. I am still deepening my own love and so I have found that the more I get to live that self-loving relationship with myself, the greater my love is for others. Great article Sharon!
What you have shared in your last line is such a powerful revelation Sharon – thank you. It highlights for me not only how healing it is when we bring our Love to all our relationships, as we rebuild trust and confirm who we are in essence which is hugely needed in the world today, but also how this builds/offers a marker of truth in our bodies, a knowing from which we are lovingly guided rather than being led by our fears, mistrust and hurts.
Sharon as a man myself I didn’t trust other men, and thinking about it I didn’t trust me either. However what I came to appreciate is that the picture, the projection and the mask that men share is not who we are. It is a guard, a defence. So it is no wonder I didn’t trust myself or other men because we were not actually being true men.
Very cool Sharon. Let’s prove history wrong by acknowledging what we feel in the moment. There is so much possibility to heal our hurts if we let go of beliefs and behaviours.
Sharon great blog, your story is very common to many women who have fear in trusting men especially because they were hurt when they were young. Like you say it is possible to trust men, but what I found is we have to trust our selves first completely to then be able to begin to trust others. This then allows us to be open to trust men equally.
I need to sit with this sharing a bit more as I can feel I still hold a mistrust of men and this has exposed something deeper for me to look at. I think it is just something I have accepted, an abuse of power that I have seen in my life and then held all men to that and not allowed any close relationships with men.
Top blog Sharon, thank you for sharing. I find that the more I trust my own feelings around people the more I open up and let them in, that way there is no such thing as strangers, only people we havn’t met yet.
That is beautiful Sandra, you say that in fact there are no strangers, only people we have not met yet and that sounds so true to me. In that I feel an equality, that we are all the same, looking out to meet that next ‘stranger’, that person we have not yet met. In those meetings we can experience over and over again that we are all the same and in fact longing to meet and connect to one another and can feel that we are from one and the same source of love that lives in each and everyone of us. To constantly confirm this quality of being in one another is also appreciating what relationships bring in our lives and that they are important in our evolution back to Soul.
I won’t lie, my first thought when you said you gave a stranger a lift, was ‘oh what?’. But what’s so important here is that the more we learn to trust ourselves the more heightened our awareness and sensitivity becomes and therefore our ability to feel when something is right or off is available to us. This is a very cool story!
‘…history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.’ What a brilliant line! This is a quote worth sticking on the fridge, for every time we allow a negative past experience to influence our future experience, we shut ourselves off to new possibilities.
When we blame all men for the behaviour of a few we remain trapped within a fear that has judged and condemned them all without true reason.
What I realise is that if we go around being fearful or scared of things we are also in the process of denying everyone else our own beauty.
Thank you Matts, that is very true, once the focus is on the thing we are scared or wary of, we lose sight of ourselves and of our power and beauty.
We are all desperately needed to learn to trust again, because only then can we start to heal the abyss inside of us, and return to who we truly are.
It also took my experiences with Universal Medicine to begin to trust in myself again. I learnt that the part that can be trusted is also shared with all and if connected to in me, it also connects with the same part in others. So the greatest thing about trust that I have learned in life came through Universal Medicine and the truth that we are not separate from each other and by choosing to actually live this truth, we are very powerful together. No harming influence can interfere with two or more people connecting without guards or defences raised, because of the trust they share.
This is a divinely beautiful blog Sharon – the simple exchange between two people no matter what the gender of help asked and help freely given – if only we all conducted out lives this way. Such a natural act was possible because you were able to use your discernment and you knew there was nothing to fear.
Trusting others comes from trusting ourselves first.
I know when I used to watch the news or crime stoppers or something like it would greatly influence how I felt about men, after watching programmes of this nature I would let my worry override my natural sense of whether I could trust someone or not. I had let fear dominate me and in that fear projected stories which kept me from trusting and feeling the truth of the situation. Thankfully I became wise to how much I was absorbing from these types of programs and now do not give my power away to the fear but instead trust my own feelings.
A very beautiful example of how we can very much heal the hurts of our past and live our life without holding on to them and using them to guide (and protect) our every move. Everything is a refection for us to learn and grown from as we ourselves are that same reflection to others.
Not only have we learned to mistrust others we have, over time learned to mistrust ourselves. Not trusting is very debilitating and actually wastes a lot of energy.
It is quite common for many women to not trust men, so you offer a healing for women Sharon when you speak about your experiences and allowing yourself to be more open and trusting of men.
As men we do not often realise that the guards to intimacy that we hold so strong actually lead to a lack of trust – and then we cry that we have been misunderstood when it was often the man in the first place who shut down his love to the world for the sake of protection.
The beauty of your sharing Sharon shows that when we connect and trust ourselves it is reflected into all of our encounters through life and this is much to appreciate. Thank you.
Beautifull so being connected to us and honouring the connection within our bodies allows us to be open to others, therefore trusting. Also coming from this space within brings clarity as to when we can feel things are not harmonious so enables us to discern as well.
Letting go of my hurts and learning to trust myself has supported me in learning to trust humanity.
Reconnecting back with a deeper part of ourselves that is able to see people and situations with fresh eyes, untainted by past hurts is priceless and the ripple effect of that is powerful.
We all hold protection from past hurts in different ways. The true marker of discernment we have is our bodies and the energy we can read when we are connected to ourselves, which is what you have shared so wonderfully here Sharon. Thank you.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know”;
I could not agree with you more Sharon, I too have developed greater trust in men, and myself, through the love, support and teachings of Serge Benhayon.
It is lovely to read your story and see what an impact the way we are as man can have on the trust women have in us, it is a big thing we all contribute. It is inspiring me to build an openness in my body that builds trust with everyone.
We all are holding humanity to ransom, because of the hurts of our past, and it is in fact our responsibility to heal these old wounds, “so that the walls come tumbling down and no more barriers are to be found … only love” as Jenny James sings.
Re-building trust, in anyone, can take a long time, especially if that trust had been severely damaged at some stage, so your sharing is a wonderful confirmation that it is possible. To begin to trust again it is important, as you say Sharon, to re-develop “my ability to trust what I feel” and from the growing trust of ourselves the ripple effect flows effortlessly on out to those around us. What a sense of freedom it is when we are able to trust again.
To learn to feel from our body and trust what we feel is a true blessing allowing us to interact with others with love, acceptance and openness.
Sharon, I love your sharing here. I too have been learning to trust men, especially those I don’t know, and just be myself around them. Recently I’ve had experiences where a man has approached me and told me I was beautiful and in that moment I could feel there was nothing being asked, just a beautiful confirmation and meeting and I was able to say thank you and just meet him – it’s been very lovely to allow myself to fully feel the tenderness and gorgeousness of men and not push them away, and it’s a huge change in how I was in the past.
Thanks Sharon, it is great to read of your experiences of men and gain a greater understanding of the mistrust that has built up for so many women from their experiences. As a man it is always great to see other men act in gentleness and allow a space for women to feel they can trust men. There is a lot to unravel in breaking down the gender divide, and acting with humbleness, love and gentleness goes a long way to undoing the fears that many people have.
Sharon that was a wonderful blog for me to read as I could feel how you connected back to trust man again. I also find this very inspiring as you showed very clearly that it is possible to change a life old pattern and that we are never to old to change – how beautiful is that!
Meeting people who we can consistently trust is a great support, showing us that there’s no need to label all men or all women as the same and be open instead to feeling what is there in any given moment…
It is all in relearning to trust the body, knowing that what we feel is true in every sense, and stop doubting this feeling, we know in our inner most who to trust and who we can’t trust, it is getting to know our body through, for example the gentle breath meditation that truly supports us to grow trust.
It is not just women who can learn to trust men again, but also men can learn to do the same. The same could be said about women. Within each of the genders there can be reasons such as competition, jealousy or comparison that causes a defense and a protection to develop, which becomes the root of the many problems that exist in relationships.
Gorgeous Sharon, what a blessing to learn how to trust again, to trust yourself and your ability to feel from your body.
Getting back to our natural way of knowing, truly feeling rather than approaching the world in fear, is very powerful. Reclaiming this and trusting that we really do know when people are ok and when they are not is so much better than being at the mercy of fear and panic.
Indeed our relationships with men and women can do a 360 when we look behind the behaviour or facade. I had a mistrust of men that they would either try and crack on to me or be aggressive. I know, what a closed way of seeing men… but growing up this is what I saw and felt in women’s bodies when they were around men. I watched men in my life control their partners and be insatiably jealous if they even looked sideways at another man. Thank goodness though I met men like Adam and Serge Benhayon and my gorgeous gentle husband and many many more that have completely dissolved this story. I now have many wonderful warm connections with men, and they also feel that I hold them more in their truth and they can be themselves. Just the other day it was so natural for me to share with my husband how much I loved a man I work with… this is something I would have never dreamt of being able to do in the past.
We often judge men from our own childhood experiences and if we get hurt, that hurt then gets magnified as we get older because we hold on to the hurt as a means of identification and protection, and as a result we protect ourselves from men because we don’t trust them, when we drop the need for protection we meet men on an equal basis.
Roll up everything Universal Medicine brings into one package and miracles can happen! It is beautiful that you have regained your trust in men Sharon, which ultimately will carry a great weight in all your relationships I am sure. And how sad that your experiences with men when you were a child had such a profound and lasting affect on you as an adult. So I’m with you, Serge Benhayon is 110% a man to be trusted and I too have a deep appreciation of all that he brings, be it through the esoteric modalities or just his presence during a workshop or presentation, and that through the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom we all have the opportunity to break old patterns of behaviour and beliefs systems that never served us and allow us to move on to deeper more fulfilling relationships with everyone.
As children, we are so open to people and the world around us. Then we get hurt and blame others and start to shut people out. The great thing is that we do not have to stay shut down. At any moment, we can make a different choice as the author of this blog did. This is exactly what I learned through the teachings of Universal Medicine. I used to think that I was locked into my choices but this is so not true. We can choose differently at any time. One of those choices is to learn to trust each other again.
Today it was pouring down with rain and a man was waiting at a bus stop getting drenched I wanted to stop and offer him a lift but didn’t. I didn’t go with the impulse and love but instead the hesitant ‘what if’ in the back of my mind. I guess the difference between this scenario and yours was you were having a conversation with the gentleman and so could discern his energy and went with what you felt was right. Whereas maybe there was a bit of wanting to ‘rescue’ the man I saw from getting even more drenched. That and the fact he was quite sexy! It’s great you love yourself enough to trust more 💕
Sharon thank you for sharing, reading your blog this time made me aware that I was holding onto a hurt and because of that was always playing a waiting game before I trusted a man. It is time to let that go, just like you I know my feeling will always guide me as I have built a solid relationship with myself and my body. Labeling men, just as labeling anyone, is never allowing a true relationship to develop.
This is just one of the many, many illustrations and examples of how Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and other practitioners are supporting so many of us to let down our guards – our protective shields to reveal the openness and natural responses that are waiting to reveal themselves! What a game/world changer Sharon!
Thank you for your sharing Sharon. I have experienced distrust of men for many years and now in my late 60s I am only just beginning to understand the opposite sex and have made some lovely caring and sensitive friends with men.. I would agree that through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayons Presentations and example I have been able to trust men more.
How important it is to trust ourselves, trust the feelings we have. With this trust we start to open up and to truly see who is in front of us. When there is fear or other emotions there is no clarity and it is impossible to feel what is true or not.
This experience is a really beautiful testament to the power of trusting ourselves and what we feel… knowing that we can discern the energy of another rather than automatically lace them with past hurts… and then from there be able to offer a moment of true connection that is healing for all.
Very beautiful change in life Sharon. As by the support of Serge Benhayon you have let go of previous hurts that you held – that kept you locked in fair and protection. This is amazing, and thank you for sharing.
What if mistrust being a feeling of not being able to face a certain situation or person stemmed from a choice to not trust what we are faced within ourselves first? I know there were situations in my childhood that led to me feeling small and helpless in the face of such situations, but by maintaining a situation of children being less because they are new to the world this time around, does that not set the stage for mistrust to be seeded? Our bodies are born capable of handling anything that it comes across and this I am re-building as an understanding in life, and what I am learning is that it’s not the situation that brings the mistrust or trust but how I choose to relate (in acceptance or rejection) to how I feel and how the body feels to respond in the moment.
Beautiful Leigh. As you say we are never given more than we can handle, but it is our capacity to stay connected to our bodies and respond from that place which determines how we deal with the situation and then of course how that play out.
Thank you Sharon for sharing, so beautiful to feel in this instant how you have changed and opened up to trusting men again.
As Men we have the choice to either contribute to the mis-trust or we can choose to be role models for all to see that there are men to be trusted and therefore help restore it for all.
So true Chris, it seems all the conditioning for boys is about finding ways to close off from the world and what to toughen up, suck it up and get on…by buying into this, we encase who we really are which is caring GENTLEmen. Which certainly contributes to the lack of trust explored by Sharon.
I love the word gentlemen, as you have quite rightly emphasised it GENTLEmen. It is a shame we have deterred from the true origins and meanings of this word in our behaviours because a truly gentle man is quite honestly the best.
Thank you Sharon – your choice supports us all to be open to the essence of love in all others no matter who they are.
They way one is brought up determines so much how much trust or distrust we have towards others, which in truth arises from not being supported as a child to trust ourselves. When we do that we have the innate knowingness to feel that which is true and that which is not.
Very revealing blog. As men we need to take responsibility for the fact that the way we shut down to the world has a greater bearing on the world than we like to think.
Beautiful Adam, thank you for sharing this. The impact is always far greater than we can ever imagine.
As I am constantly discovering, we all – men and women – play a part in taking responsibility for the way the world is, and we are all equally responsible for relearning to trust and open ourselves up to people instead of shutting down due to our hurts.
Sharon, I really enjoyed reading your opening up to this stranger and trusting in what you felt at the time, really showing that when we do trust ourselves and go with what we feel, there is no need for protection, as that love guides us.
As men, we don’t always help the cause, and so I understand the distrust of men. When you present a closed book to the world, you hardly create an environment that engenders truth.
This is true Adam but as a society we have all fed and played the game for far too long that has only further exacerbated the distrust between both men and women – all because of our desire to protect ourselves from the fear of and possibility that we will be hurt or rejected by another. This is sad for in our hearts we all would love the foundations of all our relationships and interactions with each other to be based on equality and mutual appreciation and respect.
When we trust ourselves this trust floods our way of being and allows us to read other people in all situations of life. This is a beautiful ability we have. Trust opens us up to love for all. Awesome blog Sharon thank you.
Beautiful Sharon, I can relate to what you are sharing here. Serge Benhayon and the male students of universal medicine have allowed me to completely unravel my negative judgements and perceptions of men and have helped me see how truly beautiful, tender and loving human beings they are. I have been able to extend this trust and renewed respect to all the men I meet in my life, I now see men as beautiful human beings first instead of seeing them through my judgements of the past.
Men have been packaged, wrapped up and displayed on the shelf to be many things. The section of the men’s isle that contains the organic men is small but growing.
A lovely thing is, as the trust grows, our body is released from having to carry this stress and strain of the lack of trust… And this is a burden that so many people have occurring and it really takes its toll, on our hearts and on our health… So simply returning to this natural state is going to have an amazing effect on our national health systems.
Great to re-read this Sharon and feel that heart warming effect all over again. So many times in the past I have felt that mistrust in women and it appears to me that in sharing this you are not only breaking that consciousness in yourself, but also for all human beings, which is so destructive to the truth of who we all are.
Could the misandry that men instill in women be from its parallel of our internal conflict of philogyny and being hurt?
Trust is something that is easily lost and very hard to regain but I have found that my capacity to trust others has changed as I have re-learned to trust myself again. It took me quite a while to realise that the distance and defensiveness I felt around others was actually a mirror of my relationship with myself. As that has been changing I have found that my capacity to trust and be open with others has risen considerably.
We as men have learned well what the world has expected us to be, at times our true self’s were beaten out of us, the school bully was just a taste of what was coming. Things that did not serve the process were suppressed. There was no room for tenderness, joy or being ones self. We hid all the things we have always been till they were forgotten. We should be on the endangered species list… we are growing in numbers once again. We are by nature and nurture not the untrusting beast the world has allowed us to choose. We may be hard to find… but worth the effort to feel every one of us you meet… to see if are the one.
I’m allowing myself to be more and more open and truly sharing myself with both men and women. What I absolutely love is the grace that is offered, allowed, constellated when there are 2 people opening themselves truly up. These moments are huge gifts and very very healing. This is building a foundation to evolve from and let even more go. How Beautiful and Divine are we?!
This is a good point to raise Adam, and awesome to bring it to our attention so that others can feel this also.
Sharon, what a beautiful story of trust and helping a person in need. I too experienced this many years ago when I was travelling on my own overseas. I arrived in Norway, and needed to be at a particular place for an event I booked for, but I got lost, trying to read a map. I asked an elderly couple for directions and they told me I was quite a distance away, so they kindly took me in their car to where I needed to be. It was a beautiful experience. I was truly supported as I opened my heart and trusted.
I do not feel that as men we often appreciate enough how our hard exterior alienates us from the rest of the world.
Gorgeous, Sharon. Thank you for sharing.
Trusting men again must have a huge impact on your life – as men are everywhere. I felt such a naturalness in how you offered this man a lift, a naturalness you must carry everywhere you go now.
Now that I have developed a foundation of what is actually true and can trust in my connection to a source of energy that delivers me the truth, I am far less at the mercy of trusting blindly or mistrusting my intuition. It is as a student of The Livingness that I am able to claim this knowing and read each situation as it arises.
I think its pretty cool that just by giving somebody a lift, brings the realisation that you have dealt with issues that would of got in the way with relationships with men in the past.
Getting to know truly esoteric men in Universal Medicine has greatly reinforced my ability to trust men, especially as we are now able to feel the energy of those with whom we come in contact. The influence of the most beautiful, loving and trustworthy man I have ever met, Serge Benhayon, has changed the essence of us all. Thank you, Serge.
Sharon I love what you share here and the miracle you have performed by allowing yourself to trust men again. It is by trusting ourselves in any given moment that we know how to respond to any given moment that we can live more openly.
This is how I felt reading this today that, in truth, it is all about trusting ourselves. When we trust ourselves we know what is true for us or not and I know that I can trust myself when I am present with myself.
In my relationships with men, I can see how my holding back my love didn’t invoke that beautiful, caring and naturally tender nature that men have, so then the result was, two people in a relationship, at times enjoying each others company but on a superficial level as both of us were trying to stay protected and not get hurt, so neither gets to see the others true self.
Sharon as a man I also didn’t trust men or myself, yet what you’ve shared and what I’ve felt from all the men that I now know in my life is that we had the very concept of what a man is back to front. Men don’t know what being a man is and in that lack of knowing and lack of self trust, confidence their is nothing to trust. What a gift we now have that more and more men are shedding the skin that is keeping us prisoners and living with a depth of tenderness that we lost years ago. Your sharing is a testimony to the healing that is possible.
Building trust in relationships is of paramount importance, but we cannot build trust with each other if we do not first have trust in ourselves. If the relationship with our self is not trustworthy then it is impossible to trust ourselves in relationships. Without honesty with self we will always lie to get what we want. Learning to trust men is one thing, but first I have to learn to trust myself.
Are we not changing our futures by not trusting someone for some reason? We miss golden opportunities to open books that may be a grand adventure.
Often times when a lack of trust is felt between men and women, it is because of a breakdown in communication, which starts with a lack of self-love in either or both parties involved. So, the path back to harmony within relationships is actually the path of reawakening self-love.
It is such a blessing to restore the truth and trust back into our lives and not live from the wall that we can so often put ourselves behind.
Not trusting can put people into a state of protection, which is to protect against a reaction from someone before it’s even happened. And this presumption of an outcome is almost like an imposition. When we drop the protection and allow for whatever to arise holding it all in love, people feel freer to express from their own love as well.
Bringing trust back into my life has been a bit of a struggle, but what I have found is that the more surrendered I am to what is around me and to the what will be happening in the future, the easier life has been. I feel more vital as I am not wasting energy trying to control situations so much or getting burnt out on nervous tension. And also everything keeps falling into place in a magical way. For example, I have not had a secure job for the last 6 months or so, but every time a temporary position has finished a new opportunity has arisen immediately. It really feels like I am being looked after!
Trust is the lifeblood of relationships.
Gorgeous to re-read Sharon…. I too held a deep distrust in men, but now that I have a deeper trust in myself and my feelings, trusting men came easily. Everything indeed comes back to ourselves and what we have created.
Haha! I love that Brendan. Thanks for your confirmation! I am finding that the more I connect to myself and the true woman I am the more I am able to trust men. It is so refreshing and so gorgeous to be able to connect with men so naturally, with no hang ups or anxiety. What a difference to a few years ago. Thankyou Serge Benhayon for showing us how we can have beautiful relationships with everyone, and not just our nearest and dearest.
Brendan, you have always demonstrated this for me. From the first time I met you I knew absolutely “here is a man I can trust’ – not because you were more trustworthy than other men, simply that you are open and willing to wear your ‘heart on your sleeve’. Thank you.
That is a big factor Helen, the more open we are, the more we are willing to lay out who we are and how we feel, the more trust we emanate out. Trust is also strongly linked to not feeling judged, so as men we have the responsibility to be open, be loving and be completely non judgemental to the best of our ability. It is heartening to read that Sharon now feels she can trust men, and that she can discern men who can be trusted that she may be able to support. It is so simple but touchingly beautiful and its impact is quite profound.
There is no greater enemy than our unwillingness to connect to our inner-heart and follow its impulses.
As we (women) drop our guards so can they (men) and so we can more and so can they and….beautiful…
Many times I have felt that it was not a man who I could not trust, but myself to be able to read the energy of a situation and to speak the truth of what I have discerned. This places the responsibility of trust and of truth firmly in to my own hands.
Beautiful responsibility Shami!
Agreed, this is beautiful Shami, as is the blog post. While we as men step up to take more responsibility, to honour our truths and in doing so become more trustworthy. We see once again that whatever way you look at it, it is all just a reflection.
I deeply appreciate Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine too for showing me that men are not what they are portrayed to be, strong, unemotional, brave and sometimes dangerous, objectifying women etc. but actually not very different from me, loving, caring, tender, open and very much into talking about feelings too! Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon I started to trust my ability to feel again and with that I started to feel men. With feeling men I know exactly when a men has an intention that is not true. This learning to trust my feelings again is bringing a huge change to my life as I am starting to see the truth of life more and more. Which allows me to see through the ideals, beliefs and pictures we grow up with.
Matilda, I love the fact that you can claim for yourself that you are beautiful, elegant, graceful, sweet, precious and powerful. To have someone claim this for themselves is very healing for others as well. The more women claim back their own divine qualities the more we will be able to see and feel the divine essence of both women and men.
I know this to be true too. I am falling in love with the precious beauty of women as I let myself fall in love with myself. The veil has dropped, some games still play out, but I am in no doubt about the power of this preciousness honoured and lived in the world.
It is like the blindfold is removed and we can see for the first time.
Until we start to drop the veil of judgment and automatic distrust of those around us until they first prove us otherwise all our interactions and relationships will always begin and be founded upon dodgy foundations.
Learning to trust what we feel from our body is key. The body communicates this very clearly with us if we have developed the relationship with it and are consciously present with it in each moment. So often I have sensed something about someone from my body and my mind has overridden this to tell me otherwise. The times I have listened to my body I have been spot on.
It’s hard to miss the gentleness and sensitivity that is evident in men if you look into their face. But the hardness cloaked over the top of their fragility protects their true vulnerability and so they are not seen in the beauty of their true light. The world is lesser for this.
A beautiful comment Elizabeth and so true. Men may try to hide their gentleness and sensitivity, but if we truly look it is so obviously there.
Absolutely, and as a woman, if I put forth my hardened exterior – capable, ’emancipated’ and ‘equal’ in the motion of life’s activity, able to cut men down with my tongue and my emotional manipulation (to name a few of the qualities in that) – it is what I both see and bring out in men. Is it any wonder that I then don’t trust?
Helen you have perfectly captured the merry go round that we get stuck on. However in the end, everything comes back to us. What a difference it makes when we take responsibility for bringing the qualities that are truly needed. Bring on the love and mountains are moved.
I know the more I am learning to trust myself the more I am starting to trust men also. When I allow myself to look past what they present and simply connect to who they are things are a lot different. I have been fortunate to experience being around some men that are starting to honour their true qualities of a man, that they are sensitive, precious and super sensitive. Being around these men is giving me the opportunity to realise that we are all like this and we need to embrace them far more than what we do. To share this with each other is the other step we need to make.
So true Natalie. Trusting myself has been a hurdle, trusting in the divine plan and surrendering to the power that can come through me if I do has been huge too. Opening up to people and not trying to tough it out by protecting hurts has perhaps been the biggest surrender of all.
Oh heavens yes Helen! Being willing to reveal the hurts and drop them and open up to people is the most amazing and joyful thing on earth! To constantly be able to feel that well-spring of love and good will that holds us all makes for a totally different way of living – trusting the Plan.
Absolutley Natalie, It is through trusting myself and taking the responsibility for building that trust, that trusting others naturally can follow.
Yes Brendan, I was thinking how limiting these beliefs are when we take them on such as “all men can’t be trusted” “all men are bastards” “all women are bitchy” ” all muslims are terrorists” – this list can go on and on. We can make these blankets statements based on a few experiences and then live our lives and quite often our daily interactions with these men/women/muslims etc… And how much they colour them (and limit them). I love how Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon offers us the opportunity to see what beliefs we are holding and to hold them up to the light of truth and see if they are actually true. And then to let them go if they are not. Sharon’s experience is a perfect example of what is possible when you do that.
It is a very cunning yet totally destructive plan that we carry out when we make those blanket assumptions about any group of people. They can be based on their gender, sexual preference, skin colour, or taste in music, but what it accomplishes is the dehumanisation of a huge number of people by judging them to be unworthy of connecting to.
I love walking down the street here in London, past all of the people heading to their jobs, or wherever they may be going, and holding the realisation that each and every one of them has a rich inner life that I will never know, but is just like mine. They all love, all struggle, all have been hurt, just like me and just like every one of us, and all have the same capacity for joy and truth in equal measure to any other.
I love this too about the teachings of Universal Medicine. All the beliefs and ideals that we carry around with us keep us separated from ourselves and everyone else. We have a responsibility to heal what is keeping us separated because when we are in separation we can hold any ideal and belief about anyone that is simply not true. We have a responsibility to live truthfully.
As Naren Duffy has shared assumptions of any kind just don’t work and are really quite destructive. I used to have the same feeling of not trusting men and when I reflect on what has changed this, the most predominant thing, is my relationship with myself. I no longer look outside to others for recognition (especially men) or to fill a need, be accepted or loved; but instead give myself the permission to just be and with thanks to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Benhayon Family know the tools and have the support to deepen my love and connection with me … which in turn makes me more open and caring of others (including men) so it is a win win situation.
Men and women are like books in a library. They are put into groups like history, if you only read books of war and conflict you would never discover the world of everything that is amazing.
Great addition Naren – “but what it accomplishes is the dehumanisation of a huge number of people by judging them to be unworthy of connecting to”. Yes so true, this judgement does exactly that then allows people to do and speak to that group however they like. But we are all PEOPLE – first and foremost.
I abandoned trust for everyone, men and women alike, as I slipped further and further away from a connection to, appreciation and trust of myself. Men were to be played and managed by flirtation, allure and a make believe version of me and women were to be kept at a safe competitive distance. All this has changed completely since I have been part of the work of Universal Medicine, and, letting people in has been one of the keys. I realised recently that I am ‘falling in love’ with women all over the place, seeing true beauty, elegance, grace, sweetness, preciousness and power…and then, shocking but gorgeous, realising that I too am one of them!
Your certainly are Matilda Bathurst – beautiful, elegant, graceful, sweet, precious and powerful….
I have found that learning to trust men, has also resulted in my learning to trust myself. That I have all the knowing and wisdom inside me, that I can feel and read any situation down the to the ‘T’. But it is in acting upon that, it is trusting what I feel and following through. So many times, I have felt what was absolutely true, yet overrode that feeling, many many times. In the past I used to get really angry at myself and really abuse myself for not listening to me. If that happens now, I look at why I didn’t listen, ask myself some questions, but I do not go into the self judgement or abuse anymore. I have a much deeper loving relationship with myself now, which does feel pretty amazing.
Thank you raegankcairney, for me, I found in getting to know Serge I learned what it is to truly trust another, and through that learned how to build trust within myself, that can then extend outwards to all. It only takes one person to inspire and the whole universe shifts.
Men have spent a lot of time in the past protecting ourselves with label’s; chauvinistic farm animals, the old name of children born out of wedlock, the things that hid under children’s beds that only come out at night. It can even become the straight-arm tackle of a rugby player all just to keep others away. All of this just hurts everyone where there is no love and only protection. We have started to slowly come out of hibernation where we have slumbered for what feels like a rip van winkel nap. We are the new brush dipped in love and not tar anymore.
I used to think that I did not trust men. The truth however was that I did not trust myself because I wasn’t living true to myself.
Simple and super true for me too. This is the ever-emerging, ever-deepening joy and understanding of responsibility. Gone is the blame and victimhood as I realise that I can choose to be in my own driving seat, as it were.
Yes, I relate with what you share here Elizabeth. We have to trust ourselves too, ‘The truth however was that I did not trust myself because I wasn’t living true to myself.’
This is so true Elizabeth, saying we don’t trust men when in fact we are not choosing to connect to ourselves, as if we did, we would be so solid within ourselves that no-one could change that absolute love for ourselves because we would feel we are everything.
That is true Elizabeth the more I trust myself and feel a confidence from inside out the more I let people in as I am able to see and feel we are one and the same.
Just one incident that is constantly confirmed by many others can create a hurt in us that can last life (or lives) long. This is inspite of the fact that it is simply not truth that all men are like this. It feels a bit like the fear of spiders many people have. Yes they are ugly in many ways and can poison us too but inside they are deeply sensitive beings too that are probably just as scared of us as we are of it. Men are just the same, sensitive and delicious inside but held and protected by a wall that hides them behind a guard of hardness and coldness.
So beautifully expressed Joshua, your tender heart is speaking. Thank-you.
Josh you are a living example of a man that has let go of that guard of hardness and coldness and you express with true strength and tenderness. I can feel how powerful and strong men are when they let their walls down.
Thank you Leonne, a beautiful confirmation to receive. It is beautiful to now live this way and to especially hold all men with the same tenderness and strength that I feel inside me.
This world would be completely different if we learnt to not walk around with anticipation of being hurt. Letting go of all our hurts and allowing everyone to be who they are and not take things on but to simply observe each other gives us the space to trust each other. First we need to work on our own trust with ourselves before being able to trust others so the same formula applies. Allow ourselves to just be who we are and let Love in so we can let Love out. Trust is then born.
And allowing this to be an ongoing and imperfect process means it never stops – everything, trust included, simply deepens to a then lived quality which not so long ago would have been incomprehensible to us.
I agree Natalie – learning to trust begins with ourselves.
Beautiful and so true.
Yes absolutely Susan, we do create drama’s, situations and events that keep us away from having true, loving relationships which we can have in any given moment if we so choose.
“I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men”. – this is huge and so inspiring. The more we let go of our hurts, the more connected and trusting of ourselves and others we are. Thank you Sharon for sharing a simple yet life changing blog.
I loved reading this again, allowing ourself to feel again brings an enormous trust with it. I can feel how I have been holding of many people I know and can feel that I still am not truly opening up to everyone. And that has mainly to do with not trusting my feelings and being scared to be hurt. Feeling that I am everything and that I am more that enough helps me to honour my innate love for and trust in people.
Beautifully expressed Benkt. Lately I have been seeing the games I play in order to avoid being hurt and ironically these games are ultimately what hurts me the most. Connecting to myself and appreciating my own loveliness is the antidote to these patterns of behaviour.
I have been appreciating my deepening awareness in exposing the games I play too Leonne. I am also appreciating being able to connect to myself and know that nothing can take away the love I feel inside except for my choices.
The stereotypical fear of men is all to common these days – I myself find I get uncomfortable when out at night, or on public transport – then fear however, is of the abuse we have allowed to proliferate in society, rather than men themselves, who can be lovely, sweet and tender when allowed to open up and be free of the pressure to be a stereotypical man and instead just be themselves.
I have heard men speak of the same fear, wrapped up in the stereotypes of different places, ‘types’ of people etc. So yes we are all in this playground of fear and justification until such time as we choose to rewrite the rules – this is absolutely within our reach and is our responsibility – being respectful and tender of ourselves is the sweet and first step.
I agree Matilda – it is not a persons gender, religion, country of origin, job or any other label that makes them a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person. If someone acts in a way that’s not okay, even horrific, we can all too easily use labels to clump together all those who might also be about to act in the same way, rather than seeing it as a personal choice, equally able to be acted out by anyone if they make the same choices – it is about making sure that the way we raise our children, talk to our family, friends, neighbours and people on the street, does not allow for those choices to be made because we raise everyone up to the standard of love. rather than cutting everyone off from the stand point of fear and mistrust.
This is very insightful Rebecca. I had not looked at the issue this way before. When we see abuse as something we have agreed to as a society it reveals that we are all responsible for the current state of affairs.
We often don’t consider that the way society is, is an accumulation of the behaviours and actions of the whole, that have not been stopped and so have slowly gotten more out of control.
So beautifully and succinctly expressed Rebecca. And to think that we have given credence to the ‘authority’ of what goes on in society, when in fact it is the case that society is the accumulated momentum of the behaviours, actions that have been chosen. The mores of a society are something we have all settled for even when underneath it all we knew that it was against love.
When we begin to see this responsibility, we will take politics far more seriously, and our part in how our country is run.
Whenever there is a distrust, there is a judgement that comes with it and a rejection which everyone feels. Having come to know what true tenderness is in a man, and that all men are equally able to be that, brings a joy that we can once more have relations that really connect to the truth of who we are. If we nurture these qualities and create a loving way that supports each other to bring them out, we can stop perpetuating the hurt and rejection that drives people to be even more guarded and distrustful.
I agree Annie, and this brings in a responsibility for ourselves to really work on our own hurts and anything that is getting in the way of us being ourselves with others equally. What a very responsible way to live life if chosen.
Serge Benhayon opened my eyes to trust, and he is a solid marker of how trust is represented in a person. I’ve also learned to open myself up even more to people, but to also discern and read the energy. My problem was I was too trusting of others and was used because of this.
Yes Mathew, I too have been too trusting of others and what I have come to realise is that by reading and discerning energy we are taking responsibility for ourselves.
By reading and discerning energy we are taking responsibility for ourselves. Absolutely Caroline, taking responsibility and claiming our own selves as an authority in love. Our own loving body knows.
Caroline and Matthew oscillating between being too trusting and conversely not at all trusting has been a pattern of mine until I’ve developed my ability to discern can be trusted. I can see beyond any of my needs or beliefs that are getting in the way much more clearly.
It’s been a real blessing to be able to experience men I can trust and know what that feels like. Without Serge Benhayon I would not have known men can be trusted. Through knowing Serge Benhayon and the male students of Universal Medicine I have discovered how caring men truly are and can feel that in the men I meet in everyday life – but now I no longer entertain other energies if they are at play.
Yes Caroline our bodies are the marker of truth and the wisdom it can share with us constantly is a beautiful responsibility to have.
You are right Matthew falling back on past hurt’s as our maker of others will always leave us living life with tunnel vision. When we open up to everyone and feel, is how we all evolve.
Beautifully said sjmatsonuk. When we use all our past hurts to judge and categorise everyone this type of tunnel vision keeps us in the dark from feeling and seeing the potential qualities in everyone we meet as we are completely calibrated to looking at their potential to hurt us – and if that is all we are looking for, that is exactly what we will find and attract in others.
I can relate to this Matthew, I have trusted people in the past and been used, but am less open to this now as I am better able to discern if someone is trustworthy, in the past I would have overridden a doubt I would have been feeling and thought I should do the ‘right’ thing, the ‘good’ and ‘nice’ thing. Discernment is such an important part of living truthfully and in this there are no victims. I also agree with what Brendan succinctly stated earlier: men can be trusted!
I can relate to this Matthew – blindly trusting, hoping for the best and overriding instead of recognising what I actually could so easily read. I think that my propensity for sympathy largely coloured the way I chose to read things and often resulted in disappointment – which was in itself perversely satisfying (and not something I particularly liked to admit!).
Matthew I can completely relate to what you share my problem was also that I was too trusting of others and was used because of that. With the support of Serge Benhayon, I am also now able to discern and read the energy before openly trusting people. Serge Benhayon definitely is a solid marker of trust.
Serge Benhayon has allowed me to feel that men and women can truly be wonderful friends. This is a miracle as previously I had thought that true friendship between a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman was impossible, even more so if they were both single. It is a huge blessing to be able to connect to men in truth, it reminds me of the innocence of being a child again.
Leonne this is so true, I have always thought that it was something that you could not have with a man if you were single. So when I started having relationships with men that really were genuine, caring and loving but with no sexual tension what so ever it was a breath of fresh air and it totally has restored my trust in men.
So beautiful to feel what you have expressed here Natalie and I could not agree more. Knowing that it is possible for a man to truly care for me with no sexual undertones whatsoever and being held in love by a man that wants nothing in return is an incredible gift. It is also deeply beautiful to be able to love a man without wanting anything from him. This is true connection and true friendship.
It is a hidden two way street Natalie. How hard it is to be a tender loving man and having to express it to only one person without the green-eyed monster to make an appearance or raise suspicions behind your actions! To openly tell women they are amazing and beautiful without wanting anything is just so freeing for both and re-setting the true foundations of love that we have lost.
Totally agree Natalie. It is so freeing to have beautiful open relationships with men without any sexual agenda in the way and is quite wonderful. It brings the innocence of children back into our grown up relationships, which has always been there, but just got buried under several layers of ideals and beliefs.
Yes Natalie and Leonne it is a breath of fresh air to have friendships. With me to have relationships with men truly connect with no sexual tension and feel the innocence and playfulness between to adults .
I love this Leonne. Reading your comment I could really appreciate all that Serge has presented over the years which has supported me to now enjoy loving friendships with men, with no hidden agenda or sexual overtones, simply appreciating them for who they naturally are.
I can relate to what you have written here Sharon, especially with regards to not having trusted men. This was revealed to me during an Esoteric Healing session when I could feel that I was still carrying within my body the sexual advances from my fathers drunken friends some fifty years ago. To be clear I was not physically touched but their unwanted advances and stares had imprinted within my five year old body. As I grew I always felt to give men a wide berth, and the only person I would trust was my husband, and I am appreciative of him for always being trustworthy during our 27 years together. For without this I could have so easily decided to live on my own and given up on men completely.
I have been experiencing something that goes beyond trust, it is real easy to do and will cost you nothing and everyone can do it, some training is required. If you open yourself to love and let others in amazing things happen. Like medicines that come with tamper proof seals to ensure you’re getting the real deal you just need to look into the eyes! They truly are the windows of the world.
When we allow the letting go of old beliefs and hurts the connections come naturally and we don’t have to try anything. We are made to be with another and to evolve together, so why should be hold someone closed off. The answer is in our hearts and is felt when we are opening up again to equal men and women.
I loved re-reading your blog Sharon as I could feel how much honouring what we feel, trusting this and living it is so important. I find life harder when I mistrust the world, but the more I open myself to others (instead of holding back) the more I see how similar we all are and that underneath it all, all everyone really wants in life is to feel connection and love.
“all everyone really wants in life is to feel connection and love.” It’s worth remembering this when we find ourselves cutting off from people due to mistrust. When I find myself doing this I make an effort to turn towards people and open to them instead.
Having read your blog Sharon, it made me ponder deeply what my trust levels were with men. I felt that I had been let down by men. That in relationships they have not wanted to step into a level of responsibility around what being in a relationship required. They being too caught in their hurts or lack of willingness to move forward, so retreat instead. This has been hurtful at times, so there has been lack of trust that men can really show up and be love. However, I have and do see many men reflect that, that is not the case across the board. I have many male friends and men I know who are in relationships that are very much building on loving foundations, so this has been very healing for me to witness and have reflected, many of whom attend Universal Medicine presentations and workshops.
A beautiful and honest sharing Sharon that inspired me to look at my relationships with men and women. I do not treat men with the same level of trust as I do women, especially when I have just met them. I can feel the protection I can go into until I feel safe with a man, I can feel the importance to not shut anyone out, but to remain open to everyone around me regardless of their gender as you may be missing out on a beautiful opportunity to connect in a true way.
Amazing that we end up living a life of protection based on a few bad experiences – but this in itself is confirmation of just how sensitive and delicate we truly are.
This is my experience exactly Sharon. I only had to hear the music of Australia’s most wanted to be propelled into absolute fear of men. My faith has been restored in men I don’t know too since realising that they are just as sensitive as we are and that they are not all out to get us! Serge Benhayon has dramatically changed my attitude to men giving me a much deeper understanding of what is going on for men and how they experience life.
Serge Benhayon and listening to other male students of Universal Medicine has greatly given me an invaluable understanding of what goes on for men… I love hearing their stories.
When we let love in, in any one moment with another, it feels so very lovely, natural and freeing in your body, and you can feel that the thing that you were using to stop doing that before, just isn’t there. Confirming that every moment a choice is needed to allow love or not.
I very much enjoyed reading your blog Sharon, I have been looking into trust issue recently, and am finding for me it goes back to lack of trust in myself first and foremost, and an acceptance that in my innermost, I do know, there is a knowing.
Yes Jill, it always comes down to us as it is our responsibility. We do know instantly as to whether we can trust another or not and even when I do know that I can trust a man I have avoided him because of my lack of going deeper with us being intimate.
Being able to trust not only men but everyone else is beautiful. I certainly can’t always do this. Thank you for your inspiring blog Sharon.
Living with any undealt with emotion suffocates all relationships in some way, some more than others.
Re reading this blog and pondering on the subject of learning to trust men. I feel I am not scared of men, I am scared that I lack the ability to set boundaries around them and if I was going to have a relationship with a man that I might lose myself.
Very true Margaret, we very often do not trust ourselves to not lose ourselves in relationships with men. All the more reason to build a solid relationship with ourselves first.
Absolutely Rebecca, having a relationship with ourselves and being consistent in building this relationship is key as it sets a foundation so that when we do wobble in the company of another it’s not such a big deal because of the momentum we have created to support us.
I agree Rebecca, building a strong loving consistent relationship with our selves is essential as a foundation.
“From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner” – agree about Universal Medicine courses and how being in the presence of men who are naturally themselves allows us (men included as well as women) to wipe out any connotation that ‘women can only be open with men who are their partners, and not open with those who aren’t’, as I held this belief too, and walked in life closed and guarded. Developing self-trust allows for there to be openness with others, and this is very beautiful to feel, and develops relationships.
I agree Zofia. It is not the norm for men or women to be open with members of the opposite sex who are not their partner. This keeps us closed off to most of humanity. What is it we are scared of? Ultimately it is the lack of trust in ourselves that leads to this behaviour. If we have an honest relationship with ourselves it is possible to be open with anyone, no matter who they are.
Experiencing relationships with men that are not my partner is a wonderful thing. Before Universal Medicine I was in the belief to be careful of men and that they only want one thing, sex. My guard was so huge that I could not look into the eyes of a man when walking down the streets. Looking away or down to not get seen was my reaction to hurts I carried. With Universal Medicine I could find a way to open up to everyone again, I have allowed to let go of the old hurts from the past. There is no need to hide anymore and I love the connections that are naturally there when I look into the eyes of men and women coming from my openness and love.
I love this Sharon – the example you gave about the man and the lift, I felt your letting go and freeness, and had a huge smile on my face! Yes, deep down we do know who to trust and who not to regardless of gender… because it’s confirmed by the (re)built trust we have in, or about ourselves…trust that sadly can dissipate very early on in life which we take into adulthood…
A good point Zofia that ‘we do know who to trust and who not to trust’. This is something that is natural to us from an early age but as we grow older reason and self-doubt take us away from this. It is sad that not everyone can be trusted, but this does not mean that we cannot be open.
Part of this also is that men really haven’t been allowed to be the gentle, caring, tender, responsible, noble, respectful people they naturally are.
We get pushed into ideals of being tough, hard, competitive and aggressive to be the best at a very young age. In reaction to that we end up being very hurt and confused – and hence behaving in ways that erode that trust. The trust in our selves and the trust others have for us.
Serge has definitely led the way in breaking that down for men and showing them that there is another way to be and that we can move past it.
Opening up who we really are and rebuilding the grace of who we really are.
Sharon – us having the care and respect and trust of women all around us really supports us to come back to us. Tunas for sharing what you have and please keep opening up to that trust again. The more we are seen as the wonderful men we are – the more we get used to being them.
You make many great points simplesimon888. Recently I was discussing issues around trust with men and the current high levels of domestic violence with work colleagues. I made the remark that I’m not surprised the statistics aren’t higher given the enormous pressure on men to have such hard and tough exteriors, and as you say, from such a young age. Men have been imposed upon with many hardening ways from being unable to express their feelings or reveal the pain they may be feeling physically. Young boys were taught not to cry and show their feelings. Many fathers adopted this attitude as they didn’t want their son’s to be ‘fairies’ or ‘sissies’ so chose to raise their sons in a very controlled and hard way. War has been imposed on men almost to the point of it being normalised that many young men want and enjoy being soldiers. When we remove the ideals and beliefs around how men should act and behave and we honour their natural tenderness and sensitivity we will witness trust being rebuilt and the levels of domestic violence reduce.
You make some really good points here Tracy. Society has to take responsibility for the way men are as a result of the way we have been parenting male children with the expectation they will not feel their hurts and just toughen up and not feel. Also with many woman becoming hard and competitive in the work place men struggle to know their role in life.
I feel Hollywood has played a huge role in this portrayal of men and as many themes and story lines followed the plot of the man being the womaniser, the hero, the tough man, the murderer and the many other hardening roles. We have a plethora of movies, books, video games, muscle magazines all playing into the hands of this belief that men need to be a certain way and very few, if any of these depict a man being sensitive and gentle. Over time with so many men fighting in wars and this expectation of them to be hard and tough, is it any wonder men have lost their way and domestic violence is common place in many societies.
Not a bit of wonder at all Tracy and the harder women get the harder they expect men to be, it’s up to women to lead the way back to who we truly all are.
It is completely understandable everything you present here simplesimon888. It appears to be the classic “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” scenario we have become trapped in, but with neither party wanting to go first. That is why it is vitally important we work on ourselves first and foremost before looking to others to do so.
This is so true Susan. I have been working on trust for a while and I notice when I lose trust in myself then I lose trust in others. When I am solid in my own foundation I don’t rely so heavily on others to prove their trust to me.
It is amazing what unfolds when we begin to take responsibility and heal our hurts. I have begun a journey of letting people in and it is amazing what unfolds when I begin to connect to myself first. It is a great reminder that our evolution begins by truly connecting to ourselves and from there amazing moments with others can happen.
What a beautiful constellation the Universe gave you to assist you in developing your trust with men. This feels like a lovely confirmation of the love that you have been connecting to within and this was then reflected back to you by this man.
Beautiful point Tracy! You were already now living this love and so the confirmation came from the constellation with the man and it got consciously embodied in you! I love what you have said Tracy.
Voicing our feelings in any relationship helps to build trust. Without expressing our feelings we can get swept along by expectations or old patterns that can take over and repeat themselves. If we voice how we are truly feeling every step of the way this cannot happen and we have a chance to re-imprint old patterns and make new, true and loving choices for ourselves. I am finding that this is helping me to build trust in myself as well as others, whether they are male or female.
Well expressed Rebecca, if we acknowledge how we are feeling and express it, then we are not giving our power away to others, but holding ourselves in Love. This way we trust ourselves to feel others and make choices of response in any situation.
Not holding back and expressing lovingly, openly and truthfully certainly does build trust in ourselves and therefore in another. It is so empowering.
Yes Caroline. It’s so important to take care of how we express. Expression is important but it needs to be loving and open for it to be healing and for it to be received.
Beautiful, simple and very healing Susan.
Wow, truly letting go mistrust is no small potato. Another confirmation of the healing brought by Universal Medicine for us all as an offer.
How beautiful Sharon what a blessing. It is joyful to know all the men who are going to benefit from you trusting them again.
A beautiful and powerful story Sharon… And so true Rik one that clearly supports men in healing the mistrust they hold of themselves.
Gorgeous!
Thank you Sharon, I have often considered how much projection men receive as a result of fear carried both by myself and other women, it’s a harsh judgement which accuses before allowing a man’s natural tenderness and love to be seen and felt.
Men are equally as loving and trusting as any women, and I have meet many men that demonstrate this and feel that no one deserves to be labelled and judged, but given a chance to be seen and felt for the beauty that lives within us all equally so.
Thanks to Universal Medicine this is more possible in my life now when I live with an open heart I can read what is there to be felt and known in another.
Keeping my heart open and not contracted in any fears or reactions has been the key to me trusting both myself and others.
Thank you Nicole, as from a man’s point of view I can share that I have always felt this mistrust from women to men but never have had the understanding of what it was. I can now see that underneath it played out its activity and made me also mistrusting and dismissive to women. As I can feel this that I was always trying to do ‘my best’ to be seen and trusted but in not being met in that I got dismissive instead, all to not to feel the hurt that the accusation of being someone you cannot trust brought to me. What great to expose this illustrious way of interacting of women and men, as to continue this will holds us miles away from who we truly are.
This situation highlights that if one is connected then one can discern what the best decision to make with others is. When we live in fear and hold others to assumed actions or behaviours we miss possible connections and lessons with our fellow brothers.
To see another without judgement or projection is healing both for ourselves and the other.
Wow this is so lovely ❤ I am on the way, you described it so beautifully, too. Not there to give a lift yet but close to 🙂 also thanks to Universal Medicine, Serge and all the gentle men I am meeting there at the courses and now discovering to meet also outside of the courses. I never thought I could be with them as I am with women as the sexuality-thing always disturbed as it was not healed in me…now it is healing always on a deeper level and I love the more intimate I can be with men and women 🙂 a work in progress.
Your story is just gorgeous Sharon. It may seem like a minor thing to offer a lift, but it was a miraculous turn around from someone who had developed mistrust of men. I also had a mistrust of men but the relationships I have had with men through Universal Medicine have been incredibly healing. This can only be a good thing, to re-learn to discern and be open to love.
Beautifully said Fiona. Such graceful connections can unfold when we heal the hurts we have from past situations and we can then allow ourselves to let others in based on how we feel around them and not out of fear.
It’s interesting what you said Sharon about watching too many ‘Australia’s Most Wanted’ and how that may have affected you. It’s clear that a level of discerning is required to feel the quality of the program that is allowed to be in the house. Some of the scenes that are aired are very realistic and quite strong (with great acting and directing) but it can feel like these scenes are occurring in the house when they are being watched.
It’s quite freeing to now realise how guarded I was with men and I know now that there was very little trust and that there was always this waiting for any trust gained to be broken, almost expecting it to happen. In the past I would not wanted to work with men as I had very little respect for them, but now I work with a group of men of all ages who I learn from daily.
Awesome Sharon, I love it…I have also had a mistrust of men in the past and as I read your article here it is clear that it has been through the living example and personal help from Serge Benhayon, along with his presentations, that have helped me to understand myself, my hurts around men, and men as a gender. I have a totally different relationship with men now, what ever that relationship is, friend, partner, brother, acquaintance. Men are amazing.
Thank you Sharon for sharing yourself so generously. For me I have found that the more I love myself the more I know myself and the more I can feel and understand others.
“Learning to trust people in general” comes up to me. We all have experienced that we got hurt by people. Friends , family, partners, strangers. Learning to trust me, listen to my heart and allow myself to understand and accept me and them opens me up for people. If I would stick to the hurt and the believe, that because we all got hurt one day, we will continue hurting each other, because the hurts are not resolved, then I would shut down completely to “protect from being hurt again”. And I would keep the wheel of hurts running. So I can feel that to stop this cycle to me and others in result I simply have to deal with my hurts and keep being open.
Very true christinahecke. If we don’t resolve our hurts, they affect all relationships.
And the most destructive effect happens to us first: it is the fact that we keep ourselves from evolving and in circles that hold us down, small, holding back etc.
It is very destructive to live being shut down from ourselves and others and as Sharon has shown, when we begin to trust and heal we magnetically pull a moment that confirms to us that not all people are bad and we can trust to be open to others and ourselves.
Lovely said Tracy! And I would go another step further and add: we learn again to read people and situations. In fact we read energy. That is why we are then able to stop identifying another as “bad” and start to see through again. Because in fact people can not be “bad”. They can only decide to make unloving choices in a row that lead to a loveless action that is expressed towards us. In fact none of all of us 6 billion people is “bad”. If we understand that, we can come back to the base of who we truly are: Love.
Yes, it comes back to learning to trust ourselves again to be able to meet the world every day new like we used to as children. When we can trust ourselves and are in tune with ourselves/our bodies we know what is right in every moment and no bad experience can take that away from us.
“..and no bad experience can take that away from us.” The moment we observe a bad experience effecting us is happening – we know that there is an underlying old hurt that’s unresolved or undulate with. That is the moment we can say “thank you” – you’ve offered me a chance to evolve by facing my unresolved hurts.
Very true Christina and what a beautiful way to look at hurts, instead of avoid feeling them to welcome and appreciate that they have been presented to us so we can let go of them.
Yes Sharon, not all men are destined to appear on ‘Australia’s Most Wanted’ thankfully! I have been in a relationship where my partner found it difficult to trust. She constantly played ‘games’ to test me and try to catch me out – so in truth there was no real relationship and no real connection. This was a reflection of my own issues with trust too, which thankfully I have managed to heal and what a relief it is, like living in an entirely different world.
Meeting men in everyday situations, it is clear so much has shifted. They are very quickly prepared to let down their guard and let you in, if you have no guard and as other people have commented about their experience with true men, that nothing is expected in that connection.
Whatever our hurts or experiences we have as a child we then as adults, ‘gather evidence’, form situations to confirm our hurts or beliefs such as the world is not a safe place etc. But we are looking at life (or reacting to life) through the filter of our hurts and protections.
I agree Thomas and this is a manipulative strategy on our part based on the hurts we carry and hold onto that only confirm the worse that we have experienced before. Dealing with our hurts will remove the filter that keeps us imprisoned to a lesser version of ourselves and the love we are.
By opening up trusting your feelings and trusting men again Sharon, is a wonderful healing for men and women alike, I feel that possibly the mistrust between women and men, then means both parties shut down and harden so we no longer trust our innate knowing and whether a person is safe to trust or not, in this shut down and protective state we then try to have intimacy, which often means just having sex as neither person is willing to be vulnerable and raw.
Scratch just a little below the surface of the rough, tough, hard exterior protection of pretty much all men and you will find at their core a deeply caring, tender, sensitive being, who simply wants to love and care and be loved and cared for.
I’d agree with that Thomas Scott. In fact I’d go as far as to say that the rougher and harder that male carapace is, the more tender the interior that it is ostensibly set up to protect.
I very much agree with you Thomas and Jonathan, it is right there beneath the surface, the tender loving and deeply caring man. The toughness, the roughness, the coolness is a mere armour that can be taken off easily.
Beautifully expressed Thomas.
True Thomas and a beautiful reminder.
Beautiful Thomas, I absolutely agree and in fact I have been in awe of the sweet sensitivity I have come across..
I agree Thomas, we are all beautiful inside.
Deep down we might not like what they then reflect back to us but we also keep them there so we do not have to step into our fullness, to live the truth that we know. It is indeed a set up we set up ourselves.
The conversation we’re having offers so much insight into the problems we have with trust and the protection we build to guard from being hurt. I reflect on how I and other young children were told not to trust ‘strangers’ and usually men ( another false belief) rather than being taught to connect to ourselves and know what feels safe or not. Most cases of sexual and other abuse happen within the home, with those we know and trust. Who is there to tell us that very often the people who could hurt us most are our own family members. No wonder protective barriers and shields are adopted from such a tender young age. Thankfully, it is never too late to re-learn and we can release past patterns that limit who we are and keep us closed to love and humanity
Arianna – your comment dropped into my body with resounding agreement and a sense of how a man’s sensitivity can tenderise a woman’s hardness when she is willing to drop the manipulations, surrender trying to do or be something and rather give herself permission to feel her loveliness and trust from her body this is enough and complete.
Imagine a world where by we lived with no protection, we let go of all our hurts and we simply enjoyed each others company and remained open to all, no matter what. This is not to be confused with some lovey dove notion, this is simply being who we are naturally and not letting or allowing emotions take over us and in effect tarnish our relationships with others.
Natalie, the world would then be a very connected and loving place.
So true, Jane and Natalie.
Initially this sounded like some sort of Utopian ideal Natalie, but through attending Universal Medicine events with large groups of people from all walks of life, and feeling the trust, equality and dropping of hurts and protections I have experienced this is indeed not only possible, but our natural way to be with one another.
I realised a while ago that I felt more comfortable overall with men than I did with some women, and the reason for that was I didn’t feel threatened or go into any comparison around them so it felt comfortable to be around them. But I can see that is a way of avoiding me going into comparison or judgement around women and basically with myself, so I wasn’t addressing that issue within myself. It also brought up feelings of holding them less within all of that which feels totally dishonouring of both of us.
Loved to read this Sharon, for I too have had to learn to trust men, but first I had to relearn how to trust myself in what I am feeling and have been greatly supported to do this with the Sacred Esoteric Modalities presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Sharon your last words are for me the key to all fears “to trust what I feel in my body again”. If we do not know our body and if we do not learn to listen to our body we do not have a solid ground to stand on, a ground that confirms us in what we know is true or not. Instead we are lost, literally lost in our minds, conjuring up any possible scenario there is.
Esther great what you say ” if we do not know our body and if we do not learn to listen to our body” we cannot have a solid ground to confirm what is true or not. We then cannot trust our selves or others as we are lost in our minds.
Spot on, beautifully put Esther without a deep connection to our bodies, we are gone, lost, like walking zombies, so to speak, living from our minds and the thoughts that are constantly being fed to us.
Hello Esther Andras and those words are key for me too. The funny thing about it for me was I could always hear my body but often I wouldn’t listen. The Gentle Breathe Meditation http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free/meditation-for-beginners/introductory-gentle-breath-meditation.html gave me a sense of what ‘me’ feels like. This meditation gave me space to listen, the more and more space I had the easier it was to listen to what was always being said to me. We can choose to fight, ignore, deny etc or we can create space and listen. It’s all there ready for ‘us’ to open up.
I very much agree Raymond, the Gentle Breath Meditation is a great tool to tune in with our bodies. Breathing as such has become something I very much enjoy. Sometimes I just stand or sit wherever I am and enjoy my body expanding and surrendering to my breath, feeling at home.
Hello again Esther, thank you. It is the single most important key for me. When ever anything is going on I always as soon as I can go to my breath. It amazing to feel how this settles even the most tense situation. Also whenever I have a moment in my day I again check in with my breath, no thoughts just me and my breath, love it. This meditation is a huge key for me.
Spot on Esther and Sharon, when we are not anchored in the body we are unable to trust anything.
As kids, especially when there is abuse around us, we become masters of not allowing ourselves to feel and masters of not allowing ourselves to feel that we are avoiding feeling. How much work does that take to keep up? When we can really feel our body, we can trust the solid ground we stand on.
True Fiona, it simply shows how much time we spend with protecting us from not feeling, which in itself is quite ridiculous when feeling is something so natural to us.
Very true Esther it’s only when I am in my body that I can really feel and open my heart to trust the essence of who I am and feel also that same essence in another.
This is absolutely the key Esther, know and listen to our body as it is our only solid ground to stand on.
This blog also speaks for the power and connection Sacred Movement can re-awaken within women and the way it so beautifully plays out in this story showing that the divinity within women is equally for the benefit of men.
It’s tough for either gender. We are stereotyped to fit in then if you don’t fit that mold, then you are labeled different, strange or even weird. So the judgment that is felt is often related to how we look or what is said, rather than appreciating the essence of each other and realising we are actually all the same.
It is great when we can approach a person not as a man or woman but feel the essence within. As you say Matthew, this is where we feel there is no difference between us.
A beautiful reminder that connecting to ones essence, rather than their gender or appearance, opens the door to true connection and an acceptance of equality.
Agreed Matthew, there is a great strength in not conforming as a man to the stereotypes, something I am growing in my willingness to do, I will now much more easily stand out as gentle and tender man and not require to prove to anyone that I am tough, the world doesn’t need anymore of this, the place is literally bursting at the seams with aggressive defensive traits in men, yet underneath this every man is gentle and this is what is so beautiful is the potential that is there to bring this out.
I am at one with every word you say Stephen. Each time one man carries the gentle and tender being into the word and stands with it the path is being made stronger and more accessible for all men. Recently a friend’s very gentle father told the story of how his wife stopped a policemen in the street and thanked him for all the work he does. Initially the policeman was a little rough and brusque, but then when he heard what she had to say he shared that he had had the worst weekend of his life, with a forensic case and suicides involved. He burst into tears and talked to this gentle woman who had so appreciated him and ended up saying how isolated he had felt with no one to talk to about how he was feeling. So many men in really tough jobs must feel the same.
Lyndy, this is a wonderful sharing, it is brilliant to hear of tough men who are able to open up when confronted with gentle loving care. How many men walk around carrying the hurt, sadness and tension that this policeman shared, we should make it a priority to break down these barriers we have created that make men find it so hard to open up.
Sharon- I love these kinds of stories, thank you very much for appreciating the healing that has taken place and sharing it here.
You remind me how important it is to appreciate the miracles that occur when we connect to the truth we feel Deanne. I get the sense that we often dismiss these things which is like receiving a beautiful gift we never open. Thank you for opening this gift for all of us Sharon.
My identity of false masculinity and my emptiness inside that I ignored drove me to make very callous choices in relationships. But because I identified with those choices as being who I am, I developed a mistrust of myself. This has made it difficult to be completely open with people. This is healing gradually and I find that having a tangible sense of who I am inside is making a huge difference in trusting the true me and sticking to it like glue as much as I can.
Thank you for your beautiful honesty Jinya. You have highlighted an important point here. Our ability to trust another and be trusted lays entirely on our relationship with our self and our choice to trust ourselves.
So true Vicky. The circle comes back to self. Everything from responsibility to choices and so much more. If we are letting ourselves down, then it is an unstable and fragile foundation to build anything from, especially trust.
Hello Vicky Geary I agree, “Our ability to trust another and be trusted lays entirely on our relationship with our self and our choice to trust ourselves.” We so often are quick to jump out into the world to blame but this very choice keeps us from feeling what is going on for us and why we find ourselves in whatever position we are in. I would say, ‘Our ability to trust another and be trusted lays entirely on our relationship with ourself and our choices’ Trust is not something you can go to without building it and appreciating it as a living action, it’s far more than just a word.
I love this as there is no room for blame only room for responsibility for being all of who we are all of the time. The one thing I have noticed for myself is part of deepening this relationship with myself, it comes down to how consistent I am with myself then here I can feel the trust building big time.
Great comments and as the saying goes “Every man’s censure is first moduled in his own nature.” Only it is not nature but the way we have learned to be and what we have come to confirm in each other that is in fact not natural at all. It is amazing how much we already know (hence our proverbs and sayings) but how little we take it to the depth of living this in the full understanding for ourselves and with each other. As brought through in the comments if we lived in understanding and allowing with ourselves it would naturally be there for others too.
Thank you Jinya and Vicky for bringing to the fore the reciprocal nature of rebuilding trust – The more we appreciate and deepen our relationship and trust for ourself the more readily people trust us… And the more people trust and appreciate for us the deeper our self trust and self appreciation goes.. It can be a beautiful self perpetuating cycle of healing.
Great point Vicky. The first time I heard how trust worked I could feel the truth of it, but could not completely understand it. I began to observe when I didn’t trust someone what then was reflected to me about the situation. This helped me understand that not trusting is me reacting to something that is reflected in me that I don’t trust.
Profound comments Jinya and Vicky, and adding to this are expectations and preconceptions of how we want relationships to be which also comes from that emptiness, something to fill us up and invest in so we don’t have to invest in the one thing that matters most, our connection and livingness of ourselves.. ouch..
Great point Vicky it does all begin with self, if we live in a way where we mistrust others we must begin to examine our relationship with self. I find the more I let go of protecting myself in life and truly being more open with others how much more trust and love I have in myself and with those around me. It really does feed back into itself.
I agree Vicky, it all starts with the quality of relationship we have with self as the more love and respect we choose the more we are able to discern what is true and not in any situation
Absolutely Vicky, ‘Our ability to trust another and be trusted lays entirely on our relationship with our self and our choice to trust ourselves.’ Which brings it back to responsibility for us to build this trust with ourselves.
Well said Jinya. Feeling unable to trust ourselves makes life and relationships very challenging. Our relationship with self is at the heart of so much in our lives.
I agree richardmills363, learning to trust myself comes from the foundation of love that I am building within myself through my commitment to healing and dealing honestly with challenges that may arise, that way trusting others becomes the natural extension of that trust I have built with myself.
“Our relationship with self is at the heart of so much in our lives.” – I couldn’t agree more Richard – how I am with myself is the foundation for how I am with everyone else.
You’ve raised some very interesting points in your beautifully honest comment Jinya Mizuno. When you say…..”My identity of false masculinity and my emptiness inside that I ignored drove me to make very callous choices in relationships.” ……one has to ask the question, ‘Where does that come from?” A large portion of the blame must be attributed, in my view, to the all-pervasive media and films and their obsession with the ‘dark side’ of humanity, distracting people away from who they truly are.
I agree Jonathan. There is a lot in the media that glorifies uncaring treatment of self and others as being macho or a successful image of a man. It is perpetuated by the media and other channels like video games etc, but it has to first originate somewhere and I feel that origin is the misery we feel for not being our true selves and even worse, for not even being aware that there is such a thing as a true self.
There is Jonathan, Mary and Jinya, a glamour in the dark side that gets represented so relentlessly in film, TV and other media sources, the strong, silent type being an example, yet within that there is little expression yet it is held as desirable. If we use silence as a way to keep people away then it is a form of abuse, one I know very well. We are naturally made to share, express, love and care for one another so to act away from this can only ever be harmful.
Media are definitely part of the issue, but then again, we have the media we asked for. If as a society we were not comfortable with the media that feeds us, we would not support them the way we do. Thus, the false images we are sold as a man and what it means to be a decent human being only work because we choose to subscribe to them. People are distracted because they choose to be distracted, for it serves the comfort of their own making. At the end of the day, we are the media. It is inextricably part of us, from us, fed by us, and created by us. And so we can never truly blame the media, just as we can never truly blame Government for what we see as the plight of society. We do not want the media to challenge us on the way we live our lives. Imagine a media that everyday challenged us directly on what we accept as being the truth of who we are. Imagine a media that challenged every day our relationships, our way of living, the way we eat etc etc. For most, that would be too much. No, we prefer the sensationalism and drama of the fabricated issues of mankind to keep us numb to the reality of what is truly going on. And so the problem lies not so much with the media, for it only feeds that which cries out to be fed, but rather with a society that wishes to be distracted and entertained and numbed to the reality of their own lives. Thus why reality T.V. will always out-rate a documentary that presents reality as it truly is.
Well said Adam, I feel that it comes back to society and what we are crying out for in order to remain in the comfort and not take responsibility of our lives, so it is easier to subscribe to that which won’t let us see the true nature of who we are.
‘Where does that come from?’ is very much worth exploring thank you Jonathan, Jinya, Adam and everyone who has contributed to a very interesting discussion.
We do indeed have a media that does nothing to take us anywhere but into the emotional morass and far away from the inner-heart, trust and surrender. Why? Because we demand it so – but why do we demand it so? Is there in fact an underlying source? An energetic source of subversion, suggesting and encouraging us to delve far away from our natural way, which we have engaged with for so long that it’s hard to even admit it’s happening .. let alone change it?
Yes and yes …
Re-building the trust in who we are is truly the most wonderful gift we can give ourselves. Every self loving choice we make is another brick in the foundation of our self-worth and this leads to the trust we hold for ourselves being rebuilt once again. From here comes the confidence to go out into the world as our authentic selves,
Relationships have and continue to teach me how essential it is to trust and validate everything you feel, even if this is different to what another may be feel. Without being committed to this in relationship I am left at the mercy of judging myself based on other interpretations.
Beautifully put Abby. By giving ourselves the permission to feel what we feel and express it, we open up the opportunity for us to learn.
I love this Abby and that in itself supports the building of trust within our own relationship with ourselves and our body.
The honesty and simplicity of where we go wrong in relationships is illustrated really clearly here. Jinya I love your candour without remorse or regret, simply an acceptance of the choices made and an appreciation of where you have got to. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Oh that makes so much sense Jinya. I have met many men over the years, friends, relatives and partners, whose behaviour has been inexplicably hurtful…bewildering and crushing. There are times when I have felt that I must have deserved it (lashing at myself), or reacted with epithets that need not be recounted, washed my hands of that man, lashing out against him. What I did not question until now is the reason for man to be that way, to wonder at what is happening inside of him.
How delightful that at last we have a group of men and women willing to have these conversations and to break down the barriers we built in fear and mistrust between our sexes.
A very honest and beautiful blog on learning to trust men truly and realise that this has not always been the case is so revealing and changes so much, bringing an openness and honouring of ourselves and others. The reflection of Serge Benhayon and all he is and lives has brought attention and focus to the world of how beautiful and loving we all really are all inside and how we can live this love naturally as our way of being and that this is ok. Trust builds and life evolves lovingly from here.
I can feel how simple and sweet it is to simply allow true relationships to unfold. We can choose to let go of our hurts at any time and when we do we find a treasure trove of love within that is reflected in every person we meet.
Hi Sharon, reading this it seems you learnt to trust yourself as much as you learnt to trust men. You felt this man could be trusted and you trusted your feeling.
Great observation, Nicola, felt like that for me too. Trusting others and trusting ourselves often go hand in hand.
I’ve not seen the TV show Australia’s most wanted but I can get a pretty clear picture of the content. I am sure our view of men is always clouded by the portrayal we are given in media and entertainment that often highlights the dastardly behaviour of men and perhaps discourages us as men from showing our caring side. What we need is an antidote to this that celebrates the natural lovingness inherent in most men. Many men are sweethearts that just love and want to be loved, and that is far removed from the picture we are given. There are so many national this and that days now, maybe we need a world gentle men day honouring the tender qualities that all men have.
I am learning more and more that it is not about trusting men but that we don’t trust ourselves and this has led to the mistrust of men. I have allowed and accepted in my life actions both verbally and physical that are not loving and caring and then carried this hurt and protection around with me making sure that I don’t get hurt again without stopping to see that it was me that did not stop or speak up at the time, that I allowed me to carry the hurt. Seeing this allows me to see how much we can shut ourselves off from staying open to men using our hurts to mistrust just in case we may get hurt again.
We are afraid of spiders, in a country where spiders are not dangerous – is it a memory from a past life? Could our fear of men be from the same source? Throughout the centuries men have raped women as the spoils of battle, as a personal need for relief, or simply as a means to control – we as a one humanity have allowed this to happen and to continue. There are always stories in our modern day media full of women being abused by men. Less publicised are the stories of men abused by women, but the fact remains, we humans are abusing each other and, as a result, developing a huge sense of mistrust of each other. Redeveloping our innate sensitivity and feeling the true tenderness in everyone is what can help us to rebuild that trust and stop the abuse.
It’s true Carmel that we have abused each other for centuries. This history and memory sits in our bodies and most probably is the source of the deep mistrust we carry in this life.
A timely re-read for me today..
I would take it wider-for some of us it is humanity not only men we don’t trust. I agree, Susan, we invest in men and humanity and feel hurt when our expectations are not met. Wouldn’t it be simpler just to be us-women, men-understanding, harmonious, loving with open hearts?
Our ideals and beliefs build pictures we expect life to be like then we often place expectation on others to live up to our ideals and beliefs but don’t like the reflection that creates back to us. Trusting our inner feeling and letting go of our hurts supports loving trusting relationships.
As I read your blog I realised what I thought had been my mistrust in men had actually been my mistrust in myself. We make decisions that either put us in okay situations or situations that may be harmful and the only thing that discerns which way we choose to go is ourselves. So when we find ourselves in situations that are harmful to ourselves we have somewhere along the way made a choice where we have not listened to and honoured that little voice within that was saying “don’t go there”. Slowly the more we choose to not listen to this inner voice we start to greaten our mistrust of ourselves.
Toni – this is super powerful what you have shared here! It is so true that we know deep within if a situation is safe or not to go into. So it is about developing this relationship with ourselves so that we learn to listen and tune into our innate capacity to know these things. How powerful is this – gone is the need to try to teach kids at school who is safe and who is not (so often they are told go to the police man or the security officer – but this does not quarantee safety these days) – when we are self empowered as kids to keep feeling each situation, then we know deep within what is OK and what we can handle. So what you have said here rings very true – we create a mistrust with ourselves when we put ourselves into situations that are harmful. Hence part of regaining the trust in self is to listen and heed ourselves consistently.
It is a shame that all men end up tarred with the same brush, but what we need to own as men is that our decision to harden up to the world and shut ourselves off from what we feel is what ultimately leads to rape, murder, and abuse. And whilst we may say that we do not partake in nor condone such acts of violence, the uncomfortable truth is that such acts are born from our collective decision as men to live and perpetuate the myth that a man is stoic, non-communicative, and tough – and our collective decision to ignore our tenderness, fragility, and capability to be intimate with both women and men alike. For once a man is shut off from the world and from himself, there is no end to what he is capable of.
That’s gorgeous Adam, what I felt from reading this was the responsibility in it for individual and collective choices, and with that in itself, I felt how a huge trust could return. A trust that confirmed that another taking deep responsibility is a person who can be trusted.
Beautifully said from a deeply strong and sensitive man. Of course the same is true for women in that once we are cut off from ourselves there is no end to what we are capable off. Sometimes our control and being right can be more harmful than the anger of a man. However all of these behaviours are reflections not of who we are but of who we are not and what we have irresponsibly allowed to come through us. At essence we are all love and not separated by gender, colour, ethnicity or anything else.
Very true Nicola, and as usual beautifully rounded. We cannot blame society’s predicaments on gender alone.
“For once a man is shut off from the world and from himself, there is no end to what he is capable of.” These are very powerful words exposing how easy these behaviours and actions can come about. Conversely the truth holds the other way too, as we open up to and embrace the love that we are, there is no end to all that we can give.
Ha love it! – beautifully said Jenny and as Adam writes rounded to bring the other side. Yes indeed there is no end or limit to what we are capable of both from the point of view of evil and love! In the end it all comes down which energy we choose to align to and express and there are only two: 1) love or 2) not love – everything that follows thereafter is an outplay of that choice.
This is such a great topic to be discussing, how many of us woman have actually lived with relationships to men where we have not been able to fully open up and share all of who we are. When we don’t trust someone we are constantly calculating how much of yourself we are you going to share with them. Filtering our love down and not wear your heart on your sleeve. This form of protection has a huge impact and we stop ourselves from having a wonderful relationships.
Definitely Ariana, in not trusting men we allow ourselves to continue through life with a hardness, a protection that not only stymies our expression as women, but keeps a little (or a lot) of separation between ourselves and everyone else – for it is not possible to hold one person close and another at a distance, if there is mistrust, that distance is felt on some level by all.
We shut the door, and then complain that it is shut. Opening up to a man’s true nature is stunning, as it is for us to let them see ours.
Agree Sandra, when we let go of our own ideas of what we need a man to be, they can be who they truly are.
Yesterday a woman told me that she felt that I didn’t allow her in. At first I didn’t understand and thought that she meant if I let her in which to a large degree I did and I shared that also with her. Suddenly I realised that she meant that I held on to protection and didn’t show myself in full. Which was so true. Right in the moment I was exposed in a strong pattern in which I make sure that I meet the other person as well as I can, but keep myself protected, so called ‘safe’. Which isn’t safe and fact is that I am missing out on myself. How imposing is it to expect the other one to be fragile without having the guts to choose so myself… I’m learning that this is a constant choice, not only once every now and then…
I think it’s fair to say that many women are corrupted from a very early age simply by not being constantly loved and adored for the wonder and beauty they are. It’s similar for some men too, that as boys they are not appreciated and supported enough to grow up feeling the same wonder and beauty that they are.
So there is the very real issue of a lack of trust (for some) between the genders. But deeper than that there is also a problem with the human condition itself whereby, irrespective of gender, many people struggle to retain the naturalness that was there for them as a child.
In other words, there is some other process happening deeper than gender through which we are losing our connection and trust with life from an early age.
I agree Dean. It is deeper than gender. Yes, there are some ‘differences’ in the roles of the genders that we must embrace, but the fundamental dis-connect has naught to do with gender and this is used to create a division and battle between the sexes, because if we as men and women truly unite in love and celebration the Light and Love of the world would be so raised there would be no more misery, poverty inequality etc., and that wouldn’t suit that divisive energy that is at play at all!
Lyndy, what you say is very important, of course both men and women can choose tenderness and delicacy without any imposing from the other gender at any time, but as both genders have certain qualities, it is vitally important that they rethink what they bring to each other and how much this supports the other gender to hold these qualities. Women are nurturing, men are caring for example.
“Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.” So true, and this can apply to so many things we have developed beliefs and attitudes or fears about. A development worth making the space and time for, and so empowering.
Jeanette, we now have an understanding of the motives behind our history which we can clearly see were not in support of love and brotherhood, so it’s now up to us to reclaim and empower ourselves and yes it’s definitely worth every loving choice to choose to redefine our history in every moment.
I keep coming back to read this blog. What you share Sharon is so natural and so simple, yet has asked me to be honest about the way I am around men. Not every man I meet is as open as the ones you describe, but I can feel how when I shut down from them, we both have no access then to our divine delicacy within.
Yes and when we feel this shut down from another we feel hurt and can react in a way that we normally wouldn’t. So how we treat others directly effects how they in turn treat us.
A great story about trusting our inner feelings rather than reacting based on our past hurts.
Ultimately trust in others can only truly be there if one trusts oneself and God. Life on earth can be fraught with difficult relationships, but if we have the biggest picture we can fathom in our minds e.g. coexisting with God universally, it helps to let go of the human hurts that prevent us from being fully open with people.
Jinya indeed keeping the bigger picture in our awareness certainly does shrink any obstacles and the expansion puts everything in perspective to be seen for what it is … Or isn’t!
I also remember my vunerability as a small child and men appear so big and strong when we are little but we have a strength within us no matter what size we are physically. I have trusted men but not always discerned the motives energetically in the past and it becomes easier with more clarity and understanding. The eyes and head can deceive us but connecting to the heart never does.
I’m sure that many men would say that they don’t trust women but for totally different reasons. It takes a real man to let go of his hurts and open up his heart to embrace love.
I agree, men might have their reasons too not to trust women but then just because the other person is a man or a woman, or black or white, or this nationality or that etc. we close ourselves off and become sceptical and protective, all the while this is only an outer picture we let ourselves been guided by but it does not allow us to feel the real person underneath. But our bodies can feel this. So sharpening our feeling by paying closer attention to what we are feeling and with that learning to feel more than to sense with our other senses brings trust to ourself and trust in our body. With that we have a far better chance to know what feels true and what is not and step by step letting go of what our mind wants to tell us about outer appearances and behaviours.
This feels like you have moved centuries of mistrust with men in a very short time Sharon. I know the feeling when I’ve allowed myself to be ‘taken in’ by the ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ and have been deceived in situations where the intention of a man wasn’t true. The understanding that that was his behaviour, not the person has helped me to let go of the protection and barriers I am letting down now. Just because one man has behaved like that does not mean all men will.
The flip side is, I have known many men who are afraid to trust women. This shows me to take more responsibility to live up to the truth of who I truly am, and reflect to them that it is ok to trust and show their feelings, and more open I feel in myself the more they open up to me. Trusting, for me is all about allowing myself to be honest and feel my vulnerabilities and not pretending that everything is ok when it isn’t. That way we can begin to trust each other.
As I read your comment I reflect on how both genders are seeking a sense of acceptance and appreciation from the opposite sex. So when we let our past situations cloud our present interactions we are letting a force that stops this acceptance and appreciation from playing out as it naturally would without this interference. We are then giving power to something that is not even current let alone real.
Letting go of my fear of men is allowing me to enjoy their amazing qualities and is giving them space to be what they really are instead of what I expect them to be.
Beautiful to hear you letting go of this old distrust and for men to show they are worthy of being trusted.
Sharon I know exactly what you talk about how through most of your adult life you have never trusted men.. I had the same thing going on, I have always assumed that men had an ulterior motive and would try and spend as little time with them as possible. The ones I did spend time around I would treat them all buddy like and I would came at them with a tom boyish approach to be accepted as one of them. It makes sense that this is the way I was, how could I have an intimate but not sexual relationship with a man if I didn’t even have this with myself. Universal Medicine teachings and modalities have deeply inspired me to develop and embrace this relationship with myself and now it doesn’t matter if it is male or female I can feel an enormous openness to be with the other person and it feels incredible.
Well said, Natalie. Until we develop a deep and loving relationship with ourselves, relations with others are going to be fraught with uncertainty as we do not have a foundation of truth to connect to others from.
Love the array of points you have brought up Natalie describing how you related to men prior to learning to relate intimately to your self. This list also describes my own dicey relationships with men very accurately. Things are very different now thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon on true relationship.
Gorgeous Natalie. We are all missing intimacy from one another (not sexual) and we tend to blame others if they try to substitute this intimacy with sex or a need as we feel imposed upon or used. If we allow this substitution we are left feeling empty not realising that we can’t demand intimacy from another if we are not prepared to have this with ourselves first. No one else can fill up the void we have created . In the end it is intimacy with self that we are ultimately craving.
Beautifully said Sandra. “It is not until we return to the true women that we are, that will allow men to connect to the true beauty and tenderness that they are too.” As I connect more and more to the true woman I am, I allow myself to be so much more open with men, and they in turn open up more to me. It is very beautiful to experience this honouring of each other rather than going into an anxiety and reluctance to speak to a man because of what he might think of me. It’s very liberating and totally gorgeous to feel so unencumbered in this way!
Ariana I know, I have done that, shut men out and their reflection of sensitivity. I used to feel that sensitive was weak, so I walked around being hard and in control. Which I now understand was very damaging and harming to my body. Now I love letting men in and being able to feel my sensitivity.
I am deeply moved when I feel the amazing men in our student body, the awareness and commitment to breaking down old behaviours and attitudes and showing themselves to be the tender, loving, intimacy adoring beings they are…and the beautiful example this offers each woman to behold and re-learn from.
As anyone lets down their guard and opens themselves up to feeling and deeply nourishing all that they are there is a moment of inspiration for us all. A moment to reconnect to that within ourselves…and so the ripples begin to ebb out for mankind.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your experience – what you have said here rings true for many women I believe. We can have an encounter that can mark us and make us lose trust in a man (or other person for that matter) and then this can flavour all our relationships with men from there forward. It does not have to be a terrible or traumatic situation as such – it could simply be that we want to end a relationship with a man because of something we cannot resolve in that relationship, but then it is like we measure everyone else up to that and hold the next person accountable for what we experienced with the first person. Perhaps a more clear example would be to say that if we were raped or abused in a past relationship then we can still hold the person who we are next with accountable for the first persons actions. But the crazy thing is that we tend to do this with more than just the obvious traumatic acts such as rape or abuse. And often we don’t even realise that we are doing this! So what you have shared Sharon is very refreshing and shows that it is indeed possible to let go of this conditioning and mistrust – no doubt it has been transformative to all you relationships with all men, your husband and sons included.
Your story and from my own experience I am seeing more and more the role of the father and what an important one it is.
Very true Nicole – our role as parents is key in offering the support (or not) to our children and how this indeed does have an effect in flavouring how they then are in relationships, how open and trusting and loving they too can be. But at the same time, the choice still comes down to ourselves, and how we react or respond to all the situations and relationships that we are exposed to. You can have a situation with 3 kids who ask their mum for ice-cream and the mum says No – each of the 3 kids will react or respond differently: one will brush it off and happily continue to play, the second might be mildly upset and the third might be traumatised by the fact that they were not met for asking for an ice-cream and will be ‘marked for life’. We all come with a different make up and life experiences (and past life experiences) that can have a stronger sway on us if we allow it. In the end it is all about a learning experience and being open to what is offered. The upbringing we have is key in offering us the support to handle life and its offerings, but the choice still lies in our hands and to know this is to know empowering.
And it is definitely worth taking responsibility for reactions we have and understanding what the hurt is behind any of our reactions. As you say three children can have three different experiences. I am often amazed at how differently we recall the same experience. What you share in your blog is an amazing transformation of what can happen when we make these steps.
Men are just as sensitive and beautiful on the inside as women are. It is because of the ideals of what society thinks a man should be that they toughen up in order to live up to this. But underneath the protection and the tough exterior they are crying out for love and sensitivity just like women are. It’s a shame that we build our beliefs and fear of men on the tough exterior and the behaviour that results from this.
I agree Rebecca. Our mistrust of each other feeds the need to protect ourselves and cycle goes around and around..
Very true Rebecca, it is what is projected forth from the ideals of how the man should be that we don’t trust because at some level we know he is not being himself in his sensitivity and tenderness.
The pressure men are under to be tough and impenetrable is immense, and as women by allowing them to be who they are and recognising their vulnerability, we can support them in living as themselves.
I found more and more that what I have to face every moment, what comes to me, is an offer to grow on it – or not. It seems to me that what I experience in life I carry with me like in a shopping trolley and then, when something is offered to experience and to learn I can find something in my trolley to say ‘No – I’ve got this and that against this’. Like a defensive spray against development. As long as I am choosing to carry this trolley full of old stuff I am not free to feel what is actually there to feel and to experience. To lean on this trolley is holding me back from experiencing love.
Learning to trust how we feel is the main thing, as I’m sure if this fella you gave a lift to felt dodgy, he would have been walking. It’s great you have gained trust in men again but the main thing is to trust how we feel.
Yes kevmchardy, if we trust how we feel then we know if we can trust someone or not and we are not likely to put ourselves in a harmful situation. And by trusting we stay open and therefore are not so likely to attract negativity.
Great insights, no one is suggesting we should pick up any man walking down the road… But honouring how we feel and allowing a choice to be made from that is a great way forward.
Yes, it’s like we put so many conditions on men and how they need to be for us, as well as putting conditions on ourselves with how we think we need to be in the world, that there is no allowing for either gender to express their true selves. What we constantly reflect to each other and react to is the false way of being that goes against our true tender nature. Yet, when men and women connect to their innermost and express from there we melt the harness away and discover the joy of true appreciation for and connection with the other.
So true Rachelmurtagh1 and how beautiful this is. Feels so joyful being able to put down these conditions and let ourselves be.
Like yourself Sharon learning to trust men again would not have been possible without the deep love, tenderness and absolute respect I have received, consistently over many years, from Serge Benhayon and his sons Michael and Curtis.
Yes, it’s a bit crazy but a great way to try to avoid responsibility – I know I’ve used this cycle so I can justify making myself out to be a victim so to avoid being responsible for loving and nurturing myself and taking this into my relationship with everyone.
My feeling on this is that both men and women can return to the tenderness and delicacy of who they truly are any time they become aware and choose this. Every time each one makes this choice, it builds a backing and foundation for the next one to feel and so choose. Let both sexes go there, freely.
Learning to trust women and men is to me also learning to celebrate and adore them. To follow my impulses to show my affection, my love for them. This is something new, something intimate that I’ve avoided for a long time. I can feel now that e.g.. a gift of flowers is not just the gift, but also an enormous point of light every time the flowers are watched, smelled, seen. And this goes for every gift. It comes with energy, the intention and with the energy it is bought in, my energy. We do have so much impact. And all from allowing ourselves to trust and let in and out.
This is a great realisation Floris. Rarely do we celebrate and adore another for who they are, rather than what they do, as has become the norm. This intimacy that can be brought is hugely touching and as you say the intention behind a gift can be felt most profusely.
This is beautiful Floris, and a testament to you and the way you now live as I can feel the integrity in which you write this in. We are without question all capable of such a way of living it is just a matter of understanding and bring to the forefront how important it is to have a relationship with ourselves that we can naturally trust. I am just starting to build this and I am astounded how what this is doing for my relationships with others.
That is really lovely what you have shared it makes it so much more than simply giving flowers to someone and also highlights about not having or coming from a need.
Thank you Jenny, Amina and Vicky. It is indeed very precious. And so beautiful to feel how much it is appreciated. There’s so much love to be shared – impulsed to give and ‘given back’. It feels absolutely natural, yet also scary at times. I’m blown away how much I am actually loved, it is really me, myself and I that has chosen to deny that I am loved. As I shared this week in a Men’s Group, it is really like a world that I created (!!) myself and kept confirming every single minute, every single day of my life. Where as I now choose more and more love (instead of separation) as the basis of my life, that same life is reflecting and constellating all this new and truly AMAZING people that are already connected to their hearts. To me this is more than a miracle. Thank you all for replying on my comment.
Floris that’s a beautiful reminder of not only the offering of the flowers but the “point of light they offer every time the flowers are watched, smelled, seen.” We deliver more than flowers alone!
Re-visiting these comment I am realising how my own trust and affection have built since october 30th. How deeply loving and (literally :)) touching this is. For both myself and others. How people simply love the adoration and affection. And how I actually LOVE to express it too. I feels so natural and so true to myself when I do it. And it makes such a difference… And it’s not a trick, no solution, not something to do – but just being with me and let the impulses flow…
A set up indeed, Susan, that prevents us from having real relationships that are built upon a foundation of mutual trust, honesty and respect.
A set up that keeps us from having this foundation with ourselves and others.
Your experience of giving a man a lift highlights that at each stage of that interaction, you felt safe. How very confirming of your feelings.
There are treasures in your blog Sharon, that convey some of the many unconditional gifts that Serge Benhayon brings to us all. The love and integrity that he lives in all of his relationships restores faith in humanity; that it is possible to live in this way and available to us all, it is in fact why we are here.
And then there is the gift of re-learning to feel life, that so many of us have denied and rejected, with no appropriate role modeling and fear of living with our sensitivity and vulnerability. Serge demystifies life and brings it within reach, understanding how to read everything and manage one’s innate sensitivity so that we can remain open to life.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know”. I too can attest to this Sharon. Serge Benhayon lives and breathes truth, and in doing so is inspiring many other men (and women) to do the same. I feel truly blessed to know him.
While it is true many men have behaviors that would seem scary to a sensitive little girl, and alcohol just makes everything worse, I love that you have re developed you ability to feel and know a stranger, and trust that feeling with confidence. The hurt is healed and you see life clearly.
So true Bernard, the hurt has been healed and I am forever grateful to Serge Benhayon and all the amazing men I have meet through Universal Medicine.
The beauty of the men in the Benhayon family is they ask nothing of me, and even more special is they support me to be the true me. This has been life changing, and is something I will be ever appreciative of.
Through meeting the Benhayon men, I have healed immensely what may have otherwise been with me for another lifetime or more. Such grace and enormous love without an ounce of imposition, this is what they walk and talk and breath. For this, I am eternally grateful.
Since reading this the other day Sharon, I’ve been shown in no uncertain way that when I go into this fear of being unsafe with men, I am already lost in my connection. From this place its like attacks and unpleasant experiences get attracted in. But it’s me that is calling it in by giving power to something that simply is not true. Thank you from all of me, for sharing this beautiful blog – it is life changing.
I have found the same Joseph, I used to always make myself lesser and smaller around other men and often feel intimidated, it was like an automatic reaction from my body at any sign of possible threat. Now I hold myself much more and do not feel this. It is not necessarily that they have changed but rather now I am far more content within myself and so do not need any recognition or acceptance from them or for them to see or perceive me in any way. It is a lot more freeing living this way and a lot less exhausting! This is largely thanks to Serge Benhayon, his family and other Universal Medicine students who have shown me that other men are also as equally tender and sensitive as I am and that often the way men are with each other is simply because we are not wanting to feel our hurts and so have adopted this behaviour to not feel them and get through life.
Yes indeed, Joseph, we make the choice as to how we are with another, and how connected we stay to the abundant love and wisdom inside us.
This is a great example of involution and evolution. I can see that these experiences of only a few men growing up had a huge impact on your ability to be open to relating with all men i.e involution. And how you have since established relationships with some genuine men which has also significantly impacted on your relationships with all men i.e evolution and a presentation on a full cycle of healing. Just beautiful thank you Sharon.
I feel that too. Susan: any and all ideals and beliefs inhibit and constrict our ability to relate genuinely with each other – in either and both genders. Time to let go of those old mental constructs and just relate from our hearts!
Thank you Sharon. I can relate to this ‘This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.’ This is something I have been vigilantly unfolding and working with- now I trust men.
The other whole half of the world opens up for us Johanna which is so incredible to feel.
Coming back to your blog there is something coming up that I have experienced trough my life with some men. I was being pressed by some with physical power. Sexually molested to be correct and it was always frightening that I knew they would be stronger than me. But that fear made me weak. It happened again years later when I was already studying “the way of the livingness” when I had claimed myself more and my awareness had increased – and the result was that this appearance of violence couldn’t scare me. I could feel that this was actually a weakness in that man trying to get me down, so he would feel better. And feeling that fact melted any fear. It strengthened me actually. And I did not shrink into begging to let me go – I stood up straight walking away in my power. That to me is showing that it is again not about sex or gender – it is about claiming the power of truth.
Christina I truly appreciate your deep honesty and how you have claimed back the power of being you.
Yes this is what I was beginning to feel Christina, that trust is not about gender but about how we feel about our selves. I don’t remembering ever feeling that I didn’t trust men, in many ways I was more comfortable in the company of men than I was with women, but I can feel there was a level to which I would would let them in. I am learning that If I am not trusting of someone it is usually a lack of trust within myself first that is then reflected back at me.
Amazing christinahecke. The power you describe here can only come from a foundation of love. True love is supremely powerful and although many songs have been written about it almost none of them touch on the beautiful truth you share here. Thank you.
Trust is all about trusting our ability to read a situation, I agree, Sharon. So..”I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on,” is what allowed you, and all of us, to to trust people again. trusting our ability to read and know, brings the freedom to trust – scientifically and experientially.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know” Wow – thank you Sharon until this moment I had not fully appreciated how much Serge Benhayon has allowed me to trust men again. Serge has consistently shown me exactly how tender and honouring men can truly be and he has inspired many men (and women) to live this way too. This has opened up the world for me and allows me to let others in again. I can see now that I was shutting the world out when I shut men out. It Is simply gorgeous to be able to open my heart once more.
Beautiful comment Leonne, it is true for me also that through feeling Serge Benhayon’s deep respect, tenderness and honouring of all women (and all men) I have learnt to open my heart and trust men again.
So true Leonne, the students of the Livingness open up to true family and relationships all because Serge Benhayon has inspired us.
I have just reread this for the second time Sharon. I must say that, as a man, this warms my heart. It hurts me that I am not trusted by women simply because I am a man – I understand this, but it still hurts. To know that women are starting to re-imprint their relationships with men based on their connection with themselves is truly amazing.
I agree, Lee: separation from anyone, let alone a whole gender group, because of the hurt of one experience and our holding on to that hurt, only serves to generate more and more hurt – and yet we all do it, until we consciously make the effort to heal our hurts. Once we do heal, the connections with others can be amazing 🙂
Coleen you are so right when you say ‘once we heal, the connections with others can be amazing’? However that in itself is a telling reflection of the poor state the world is in when you consider that our natural way of being is to have amazing relationships with everyone constantly. It’s tragic to consider that many people have no amazing relationships in their lives at all.
It is so sad Lee that women have built this protective layer from our hurts.
The incredible thing is being willing to let go of our hurts, we can open ourselves to what we hold within and then see that in everyone we meet, men and women alike.
Thank you for this simple, honest comment Lee. ‘It hurts me that I am not trusted by women simply because I am a man – I understand this, but it still hurts. To know that women are starting to re-imprint their relationships with men based on their connection with themselves is truly amazing.’ When I read this great blog this was the first thing that occurred to me – ‘how must men feel about not being trusted – it must hurt’. I know it hurts me when anyone casts their shadow on me. It is so productive to be able to simply nominate it, as you have, and not magnify it into anything beyond this simplicity.
Indeed Lee, many women are re-imprinting “their relationships with men based on their connection with themselves’ and inspiration from Serge Benhayon. Perhaps just as influential in the process are the men who are now students of the Livingness and who are not afraid to show their true colours which are preciousness, tenderness and love. Seeing the men together in all their vulnerability can reduce me to tears – tears of joy. Some years ago a group of men sang the “I bring you tenderness’ song with Chris James and there was not one dry female eye in the room!! Oh! that all men will eventually live this way – in their true power!
Yes, every one and ‘every gender’ has to do their bit to bring a healing to the whole. There is a lot to let go – and so much waiting for us to enjoy again.
What you say Lee took me back to a memory of a 13 year old girl (me) sitting with eldest brother, as he anxiously tried to warn me of the dangers (based on himself perhaps?) of being with men and that their attention and interest could not be trusted. This is an example of men not trusting themselves and one man trying to protect his sister from what was to come. It took me years to replace this imprint and similar comments about men from women in my family. Thankfully, and as you say through a deeper connection, and learning to trust myself, I no longer cast a shadow across all men, and instead have wonderful relationships with the many men in my life.
How many men are literally dying to be seen, and be trusted. From looking at internet dating, I can attest to many!
It is funny how it all comes back to us full circle. Often we appear to be asking for and creating the very things that we truly abhor. We all want and crave a pure and unconditional level of love, yet very few of us are prepared to be this for ourselves or others.
Reading the title of this blog suddenly made me see all the unhealthy roles and beliefs I had about men whilst growing up. Through meeting Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine and working on my relationship with me I have realised these unhealthy and unnatural beliefs have fallen away and instead been replaced with acceptance of me and acceptance of others. There are still some things to clear and heal but I can feel this on the surface getting ready to be let go of and also know this is not truly me. It is wonderful when we connect to ourselves at a deeper level enabling us to be that with others to.
Thank you Vicky it is so lovely to read how you have made such profound shifts in your life to now appreciate who you are.
Yes Universal Medicine has offered hundreds of people the chance to consider what roles, ideals and beliefs they carry around as them, when all the while all we truly want is love and equality with others. Acceptance has been a huge part of this learning for me, and it really has asked me to look at every area of my life and be honest about my choices. As if I have tipped my world upside down but what has become of it is absolutely life changing.
I felt hurt from my father and had to realize that I did carry this hurt through my life and expected and attracted this hurt to replay again and again in many styles in all of my relationships. The moment I started to take responsibility about what happened in my life and did let go of the hurts I felt free and open again to meet men in who they really are. I will not allow the same abuse I have experienced again and so I can trust in me. I do not have to trust in men. I will care for me. I am worth it and I have to be treated preciously. As I know that deeply, I will not allow something else. This is inspiring men and women around me to do so. So, to let go of the old hurts, to heal and become free again so to speak, is my responsibility for the whole community of humans.
I love the truth you share Sandra and that is trusting ourselves so deeply we don’t hand this job to another and expect them to be trust-worthy on our behalf. They are also human and have their own set of hurts and trust issues with themselves. It is our self trust that is our 100% support to understand the quality of trust and integrity another holds in themselves.
I love this Sandra. Your comment shows beautifully that it is not about protecting ourself and whether the other person is trustworthy or not. It is gorgeous that with deepening your level of care and commitment and responsibility for yourself, you find you can be “free and open again to meet men in who they really are”, whilst the onus is on you: if any form of abuse does creep in, it is up to you to say ‘No’ let’s get back to a loving way.
I love what you share here, Sandra, and I love to feel the power of committing to love and tenderness despite a world that is reflecting the opposite. To establish this love, tenderness and wisdom in one’s own body supports us to hold others equally in this love.
Martin, what you say is true. As a woman I know that I built a feeling of mistrust for all men from the behaviour of only a few. That red paintbrush of mine used to be very busy. I agree with you that Serge Benhayon is the most trustworthy man I know and the same truth works in the opposite way. Because of Serge Benhayon I now have a trust in the sensitivity and love in all men, even if in that moment they are not choosing to express it. Through Universal Medicine I have been blessed to meet the most gorgeous, tender men, such as you and I count my blessings with each and every interaction. With an equal feeling of being blessed is to witness men being tender and caring to each other without holding back.
That is a whole new world opening up to you, Sharon…nearly half the world’s population (!) and a truly inspiring transformation. Your foundational willingness to be honest with yourself about how you were distrustful around men and then the commitment to opening up to them – really beautiful and powerful to read. Thank you.
Susan I can relate to what you say, us imposing on men our ideals and beliefs and then react when it’s reflected back on us, for this reason we don’t trust men. It’s crazy how we manipulate the situation. It really is for us to trust ourselves, cut loose any ideas and beliefs, and not impose on men, openly trust them and allow them to be themselves in truth.
So true what you said Amita – learning to trust men starts with trusting our connection with ourselves, with God, and learning to come from our inner heart when in any relationship no matter what sex, religion, culture or nationality.
Learning to trust men – and women – has become easier since I am learning to trust myself more.. When I am connected and truly with myself I feel open to everyone. For me I am learning it is in choosing to keep that connection through out my day, then everyone benefits. Serge Benhayon is a fantastic role model for me in this.
That is so right Sue, building trust in yourself through self-love helps you trust and love others. When we recognize that ideals and beliefs are pulling us away from what we feel we have a choice to disregard our feelings, or disregard our ideals and beliefs. When we trust what we feel it builds a solid confidence.
I feel this too, Sue. I am learning to trust people again, both men and women, as I restore my trust and connection within myself.
Beautifully said Sue. It is not so much about gender; although in the past I have had a deep distrust of men; but about connecting with all equally and addressing harmful behaviours as they arise.
I feel the same sueq2012. Opening up to myself with honesty and with love as my foundation allowed me to to open up to all others, men and women.
That’s how it is for me, Sue, trusting myself and God-and everything else is falling in a right place.
Serge Benhayon and men in the esoteric community are not only fantastic role models, they are open and we feel equal and safe. For me the next step is to take it to the world and treat everyone out there with the same respect and honesty, with love.
Yes Susan, seeing men as somehow different to women is something I remember as a child and yet I was always very adamant that there was no difference and that men should not be treated any differently. It is a part of life that really does need to be addressed.
Not only do I trust men again, some of my best friends are men today.
This is something I feel I have missed out on. I don’t have any close male friends. This has been because I have always associated men as being either boyfriends or husbands. Shocking that I have narrowed men down to these two limited roles.
Great to nominate Debra and to open up to beautiful friendships with men. For a long time I was very closed to other men which weren’t my partner almost as if I am not allowed to share my beauty with other men. This is a belief I feel exists in our society. Almost as if when we are open and loving with other men they might misunderstand and take it as an interest from our side. But this is not my experience which I have had since I let go of protection and holding back. If I am open and loving with men they respond loving as well and this is beautiful and healing for all.
I actually didn’t even realise that I didn’t trust men until I started becoming more aware of my sensitivity. I did a very good job at keeping men at arms length for a very long time. Now I am learning how deeply sensitive they are and when I hold myself with them, they can’t help but melt even more. And when a man holds himself, I am deeply touched and reminded of my own preciousness.
So beautifully expressed Sara!
I have as most men, feel I been tarred with the same brush by the actions of a few. Is this where the foundations of what our prejudices are built on? The actions of a few; religion, nationality, race, gender and the list is what ever we make that hurts us and the longer we hold onto the hurts the further we retreat from the light that we are. The longer the hurt is carried it is easier to add items to the list and we begin to enjoy the darkness of the cave we have built and live in. We as men have our part to show we are all not the same and if we can remove one brick from the wall… maybe just enough light will enter for the person behind the wall to feel the truth that is being presented.
So true sjmatsonuk. As men we need to break down our protective wall and allow the light to shine out. If this light shines then it will support women to allow themselves to trust again and see us for the true men that we are.
Beautifully said Lee. And both genders can support each other in coming back to the joy and delight that we are together. Men breaking down the protective wall and shining their light will support women to trust them, and women choosing to re-connect to their stillness and sacredness instead of beating men at their own game or playing ‘doormat’ will support men to trust women. Working together is very empowering for all.
I love what you have presented sjmatsonuk and Lee those protective walls do not protect at all as they keep others from seeing all that we are.
And it is so very beautiful when we allow this for men and when men allow this for themselves…Thank you Lee
I love “if we can remove one brick from the wall… maybe just enough light will enter for the person behind the wall to feel the truth that is being presented” as it says we are all responsible for being who we are, both men and women!
Yes Sharon, I also love that little caption – it offers much in opportunity for change. Change I feel is so needed – and I sense there is an immediacy in this. I happened to watch a television show recently where men from a wide variety of religious and cultural backgrounds were putting forth their opinions as to when it was that they discovered they were no longer a boy, but a man. Much of the dialogue was centred on extremely physically painful ‘rights of passage’ for several of the discussion participants, where for others it may have been an emotional point in their life. It was interesting to note that not one suggested any point of connection to their wisdom or their inner feelings – it was mostly aligned with cultural inheritance, and purported expectations of a disconnected society. One in particular it was noticed came from such a platform of visible anger one could almost see the energy of what seemed like shards of glass being hurled from his body towards the female facilitator and others present. This was a clear instance where the removal of one brick in the wall would have perhaps allowed a little light to enter his world. No wonder many women have spent many years in fear of the energy that seems to flow so profusely from some of our brothers. One wonders when is their pain, their hurts going to be truly addressed. And yes, I agree, at some point in our many lives we as women have had a hand in all of this.
Hi Sharon, I too love the notion of removing one brick from the wall as suggested by sjmatsonuk above, and I give thanks to Serge Benhayon and the presentations of Universal Medicine for assisting us to see that that is all it takes to allow a little light of truth and love to enter where once the shield that held us in a place of distrust could now begin to dissolve.
And that is the key to truly opening up and connecting with one another. If we are not willing to remove the bricks in our wall we can neither see the other person nor they see us. Disarming ourselves is the only true resolution to our relationship issues.
Thank you for sharing with such honesty sjmatsonuk. It is great to hear men express in how they feel too – and yes – I agree it is what prejudice is built on. We let our hurts become the foundations of what we live – when this is not who we truly are. I am amazed at how much lighter I feel when I am honest with the hurts I have carried around and let define me. It is as if I have used these as a security blanket to avoid people seeing who I really am, because then I would have to be me all the time.
Hvmorden your words, if used out of context, would sound a bit crazy. I would hold onto my hurts and hide because I do not wish to feel lighter so that I can continue to be a heavy, contacted person… why would we choose this way of life?
Yes, hvmorden, I agree that it is great to hear Steve and Lee say it Is from a man’s point of view. Being honest with ourselves, our hurts and the protective layers we are on is the way forward to experience true relationships with each other.
Gorgeous sjmatsonuk, I read your words and could feel the hurts that shuts men down. As women we must open our eyes and hearts to where that brick has been removed and let the light shine brightly upon us. Tarring men with one brush leaves us all short of the beauty that is on offer by all the men who are open and willing to share themselves in truth, and in full with us all.
Thank you Sharon, I too confirm that Serge Benhayon is the most trustworthy man I have ever had the distinct honour to meet. The way he conducts himself and the manner in which he has encouraged men in general to conduct themselves is creating a new generation of true Gentlemen. As a direct consequence of attending the Universal Medicine events, my trust in men has undergone a similar transformation, because as I come to trust my own feelings once more, I am able to truly discern the genuine from the ill intentioned and make decisions based on my inner knowing in the moment rather than referring to a lot of worn out anxieties and assumptions. Consequently not only am I making true friends with men in a way I have never been able to before, I am appreciating their finer qualities that often lie hidden from view for fear of being harshly judged. Women are very sensitive beings and I now know that men are equally so and when we honour that in both ourselves and the opposite sex, it restores our trust in one another once more.
I can relate to what you’ve so openly shared Sharon – by way of holding every man to account after seeing or feeling just one out of essence. I was terrified walking home from school sometimes and accused any man I saw as being a perpetrator. This is really an illusion and one that clearly adds to the separation of humanity. Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine teachings I can see that we cannot hold to account or blame the all when we have felt abuse or mistrust for one. Walking around in protection hurts us more than anyone else could.
This is a powerful blog on the sharing of trust and how much it is important in our lives and life without trusting ourselves first is one of giving away our power to others. This is not true and self honouring to who we are and so changes are needed to bring us to our senses as taught by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who are showing the world another way by their reflection.
I feel it’s wonderful to so blatantly say Sharon, that your trust regained in men, is directly to do with Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine healing modalities and others with whom you interact within the community: “Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.”
Here here Oliver – the integrity, tenderness and warmth of true men are reflected and lived by so many in this community. As part of this, you too are grounding and contributing to how true men can live.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.“ This is also my own experience i have had. Not only do i trust men again i can see today the beauty and tenderness they bring.
Mistrust creates mistrust as we instantly feel if somebody is honest or not. It is a game that we have the power to change: if we open up and meet others without holding back, we invite them back to trust again.
That’s so true Michael Kremer about mistrust creating mistrust, as very recently I caught myself holding back and reserved at the start of a phone conversation with a man that I did not know as I was selling my car. He had rung me to enquire about the car and it was interesting to notice that I wasn’t as open with him during our chat initially as I was when a young woman rang to enquire. It’s like I went on automatic guard because he was a man. It didn’t feel very nice at all, so when I felt my body change I let my guard down and the rest of the conversation was much more open.
Wow! Well clocked Julie.
So true and confirming, Michael. We always have a choice: to perpetuate mistrust (staying closed, withdrawn and held back from people) or build trust (opening up to, being honest with and connected to everyone we interact with)…simple and in our hands.
Trust is such an integral part of our relationship with ourselves and the world. I developed a mistrust of people by the things I experienced. It is holding the world ransom and judging everyone by the behaviour of a few. Mistrust creates a reticence where we are never quite fully ourselves and fully present so that we can protect ourselves, just in case. I’m learning that it takes trust and strength to be fully open and let people in. I feel that the healing will come from exploring my vulnerability more and allowing myself to be raw.
Recently I was in a meeting with some of the most tender and loving men you could ever meet. They just melted everyone in the meeting with their tenderness. The more we learn to open up and trust ourselves the more we will allow men to show us their exquisite tenderness.
And all simply by letting go of the perceived ‘shoulds’ that we adopt through life…it is inspiring to be around people who have liberated themselves from the ‘act’.
I was fortunate to be in a meeting with a group of some of the most tender and loving men I have ever known the other day and their tenderness and love just melted everyone. Any lack of trust in men prevents us from getting to know this exquisiteness that is there is men. As others have commented the more we learn to trust ourselves by honouring ourselves the more we can trust all others.
Beautifully expressed Elizabeth – ‘ Any lack of trust in men prevents us from getting to know this exquisiteness that is there in men.’ Another way of protecting our hurts by keeping everyone out. We miss out on such rich and deep connections when we do not know our own connection, and hurts are the only thing that we choose to put in the way.
When we feel and know something to be true, then there is a natural trust. The more I feel connected to myself and really feel that all through my body, the more I know if something feels true or not. Then I am able to trust myself and my choices knowing that I am not basing my choices on fear or past hurts.
This experience must feel so freeing for you Sharon.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.” I would say the same for me Sharon. The male esoteric practitioners are the role models for how men truly are In their essence. From this reflection I now know that all men are this deep inside – which has enabled me to begin to trust men again – which of course also means I am trusting and loving myself more too.
It’s understandable that we may feel a lack of trust if we have been mistreated by others in the past, but ultimately this keeps us in a prison of fear. We can choose to judge people by the behaviour of others, or we can meet each person for who they are and be open to new relationships.
I too had a huge mistrust of men due to many unpleasant childhood experiences.
I didn’t like what I had felt in unwelcome situations and had recoiled from such memories. I too now am gradually rebuilding my trust and confidence around men. It’s a daily work to do so, but I am also healing the part of me which hated myself for having been targeted like I somehow deserved it.
Nothing can ever stop me being worthy of absolute tenderness, respect and decency from others and also towards myself.
When a woman says, ‘I cannot trust men’, which I myself have done, it reduces half of our population in to being what is expected of them and not meeting them for who they are, just because of the anatomy they have. Surely it is far more respectful to say, ‘I have been hurt and I have not yet taken responsibility for my part in that hurt, and although a man was involved, I do not hold the whole of the male population on earth responsible for the actions of a few’.
Yes that’s a good point – it does leave us with 50% of population we can’t trust if we hold the belief that men are dangerous. I also feel it’s very tough on the men being viewed with suspicion constantly too. There are many beautiful men out there whom we should be able to feel confident won’t harm anyone ever.
Openness and trust are super gorgeous qualities to feel in another – so I’m not surprised one bit that that man chose YOU to ask for directions Sharon!!
We can all read people and situations and as small children we are far more aware of how people feel and will often express that, only to be told off for rejecting that person. Somehow we change our sensing mechanism so that we are only aware if someone smells of BO (Body Odour) or we judge them if they look dirty, dishevelled or trust them if they are smartly dressed. We learn to trust only our five senses. But the sixth sense hasn’t gone away – we may still notice if a man is being sleazy, because we feel vulnerable, but the tenderness that is innate in all men is less easy to feel, because many of us have shut down our awareness of the essence of each person we meet. We assume their intentions rather than feel them. Refining the way we live, the food we eat, allows our body to once again be sensitive to what is going on and us honouring how we feel allows our innate clairsentience to once again be our greatest ally in every situation.
Fear = contraction = a movement away from our true selves and from God.
Trust = openness within ourselves then to all = a movement towards God.
Beautifully expressed Donna, and learning to trust men is a matter of learning to trust myself.
Beautifully summed up Donna and the more I develop a deep trust in myself the more I open up to others.
This is a great move forward Sharon, 0ne that could only come about through learning to trust yourself and that inner voice we all have that at times we do not listen to. What a difference Serge Benhayon has made to so many lives. He is the most trusted person I have ever met..
Sharon I just read the title of your blog again and it occurred to me that the title could simply read ‘Learning to trust’. We all live with such a deep rooted fear of life. We are each living our lives from fear. That fear relates to different topics but fear is fear, it’s body is the same regardless of it’s focus and indeed it’s effect is the same regardless of it’s origin; it prevents us from feeling love.
Indeed fear is fear. I used to have fear for intimacy. I was just too scared to be hurt and I built a huge wall around me. Of course intimacy with men was very scary, but in fact it was also with women. Bottom line, I was just afraid of myself and to become intimate with the loving woman I am. I was afraid of……Love.
Trusting women and men for me now has become a matter of giving myself permision to trust myself, trust connecting with me while I am with a man or a woman. From always being focussed on the other – which led to separation inside – I am now more and more experiencing that it’s just a choice of allowing to feel the other one(s). How different than it used to be. Even though it’s still work in progress. But allowing them in is key here.
Yes, Floris, for me too it is a matter of trusting myself and the foundation I am building through my connection to my body and what is really going on. In this respect, I am able to be more open and trusting of others, and this feels like a most worthy development to continue.
Beautifully said Janetwilliams06. To me it is indeed a most worthy development to continue. A development that feels actually very natural, even though my mind tries to override this naturalness a lot of the time. But only if I am allowing the mind to take over, by not choosing to connect to my body, does the mind have power. False power that is. The more familiar I am with my own body, the more I feel the True power I emanate and have when I choose connection. Boy oh boy, my body is wise. Yet, never imposing. A beholding Love and Stillness forever waiting to be connected to. Leaving this choice up to the one who’s living inside the body.
You make a great point here Sharon, when we don’t trust someone or something it is because we actually don’t trust ourselves to read the situation clearly, to connect to our bodies and feel what is really going on.
True words Carmin. All based on wanting something from another. It might be to be loved, to get recognition – we even burden on others that they are supposed to “make us trust again”. That means nothing less than: “please someone heal my hurts.” It is only in our own responsibility to let go and deal with our hurts – but the greatest joy to find who are there supporting lovingly. Like I have found with the teachings and anyone from universal medicine.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your awareness and the turnaround that has been possible thanks to the amazing men like Serge Benhayon, Michael and Curtis Benhayon, and the other men in the Universal Medicine Student Body, and thanks to you starting to again trust yourself and what you feel. It all starts with ourselves really. Now men all over get the pleasure of the beautiful qualities that you bring, and you can freely share yourself and be yourself. I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world!
Sharon I can relate when you say growing up with a level of fear in our bodies.
If a threatening tone or posture was before me from someone it was like an electric shock going through my body. It’s taken a long time to realize but these days I’m no longer under threat. Supporting my inner trust means I’m no longer at the mercy of threats. With much appreciation for the support of Universal Medicine.
Yes Sandra I know that electric shock feeling as well, for a job in the bakery I had to bicycle early in the morning on Sunday and I would be having that shock feeling every time a man would walk by or suddenly move out of a shadowy bar. It is actually very horrible the way some men are and the ideals and beliefs that are around in society of men being dangerous at times. It so creates a distrust to all men, I love you mentioning inner trust because it is the only way to know what you have before you.
After reading your blog Sharon I could feel I have healed a lot already but there is an invitation to go even deeper trusting men.
This is profound Sharon and nothing short of a miracle to have overcome and have healed something so ingrained.
Since I have started to trust my innermost more, I have been able to let go of my hurts which is helping restoring my trust in myself and others.
That is a beautiful blog Sharon, it is an amazing that you realised you held issues with men and then had the guts to chose to heal it! What an amazing support you were offered by Universal Medicine.
That’s gorgeous Sharon and I loved the spontaneity that came with your offering the lift to that gentleman. This simple gesture let me feel how debilitating lack of trust can be when it holds us in such a way that we have to be ‘on guard’ and ‘on the look out’ for danger. I can feel how when we address our lack of trust we can really begin to let people in – and you literally did Sharon, you gave him a lift in your car 🙂
How beautiful Sharon! It’s true for me too that I have also had a deep mistrust of men and have been fearful of the aggression, force and disregard to women they sometimes bring. Through the support of Universal Medicine I have also come to develop trust, love and understanding for men and to witness first hand the incredible amazingness, sensitivity and beauty of men in their true expression. What a blessing and healing this has been!
I have made the constant experience that men cheat on their women. Starting with my dad ending with my last boyfriend. But looking at my life I have created myself constellations with women that brought up the same phenomenon. So digging deeper it isn’t a matter of gender – it is a row of constellations that are there for me to learn something.
A great point christinahecke, that you bring up here. What comes back to us again and again, is what we have not healed within ourselves. To me it also shows how much we all suffer when we don’t connect to the amazingness we all are; and one way to stop ourselves from feeling that emptiness is to constantly look for confirmation from the outside, making sure we are ‘attractive’ to the other sex, to get that acceptance. It’s all a very sad game, and in the end nobody wins, and as you say, it happens with both genders, we are actually very similar, men and women, and in truth we are looking for the same thing; we want to be loved. Starting to love myself more, and taking more responsibility for my feelings is quite an exposing journey, but I feel how essential it is if I ever want to have a truly loving relationship with a man.
Very true Esther! There is a lot seeking for love and recognition going on – but this won’t stop until there is a deep love for ourselves within. I can feel love happening with anyone around me when I am connected to my heart, loving and accepting myself just how I am. And there is only one person I choose to make more of that love I feel and that is the one I’m willing to be intimate on a sexual level. Concerning love and the way I express it – there is no difference when it flows between me and someone else or my partner. That to me is the beauty of “true love”.
“Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.”
I was deeply touched by your blog Sharon and can feel the healing it brings to all of us.
Learning to really trust again both ourselves first by our own connection to our essence and then others is something I have been learning from the amazing reflection and inspiration of Serge Benhayon and the true teachings of the Ancient Wisdom. Learning to love and trust and listen to our bodies and the wisdom we all carry inside us is a beautiful and essential loving way of living.
Sharon, reading this article allows me to feel how I hold men at a distance and do not let them in, I can feel that this is because of past experiences, where I have had friendships with men and that the men have turned it into something more than just friendship and at the time this felt awful, I can feel because of this I have not trusted that men and women can have innocent friendships, I’m always expecting that men have ulterior motives and are Looking for something sexual, reading your article I can feel how sad it is having painted all men with this brush rather than feeling what is really going on and allowing myself to have friendships with men.
I love your blog Sharon, In the past I ignored and blocked out men who were innocently being them because I had projected my own picture of what they wanted, This would definitely occur more after watching the news, similarly I have been proven wrong when I thought that I could trust. Thankfully like you Sharon though Universal Medicine presentations I am now learning more to trust the inner knowing in my body rather then the images and ideas in my head. When I really listen to my body I instinctively know whether a situation / person is true.
Universal Medicine is allowing people to reconnect to something we all have but just forgot how to use it… our innate ability to feel everything. The body is like one of those big message signs on the motorways that flash warnings. I know I had invested a lot of time ignoring these signs and having tunnel vision of the world I lived in. Now I enjoy feeling everything around me and as you have said Samantha it allows us to ‘know whether a situation / person is true’.
Wow Sharon. I would like to read a blog from you after living for a year with this new found trust in men. I imagine a lot will have changed for you.
Re-reading your blog Sharon, I became aware of just how the relationship between men and woman has been imposed upon. All the sayings, “you can’t trust men they are only after one thing”, “men and woman can’t be friends, it is not normal” and etc… all of this breeding a distance between the sexes, making us feel we need to be wary rather than embrace the love that is there. I was deeply impacted by these beliefs, always holding myself back from men in case they got the “wrong idea”. Yet, today I have many male friends who are like sisters to me and there is nothing sexual about it and not an ounce of jealousy from their perspective partners. This typically is unheard of and would not have been possible without the love and clarity that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine bring, taking away the what is not and opening us back up to the what is, that men and women are born equal, equally sensitive, equally beautiful and equally precious and tender.
There are certainly a multitude of myths and beliefs out there to justify just about anything we may choose. The key will always be to discern what is true from what is false, what allows me to freely be me and to remain open to others and to life and to not hold pictures of what we want life and others to be. Another person cannot hurt us – it is our own smashed picture and lack of trust that hurts us. In my experience, people can have hurts and project them forth but when I remain connected, I am clear on what is theirs and what is mine and this knowing of God and myself which deepens all of the time I can trust absolutely.
Great blog Sharon, very profound in many ways and exposing the man made divide between men and woman when in truth we are exactly the same, all wanting to love and be loved.
That’s awesome Sharon, it is a great freedom to learn to trust the messages of the body, the only way to truly know if we can trust someone.
And to be able to trust someone is another freedom that is great to experience, as it makes the other and me completely equal. And the key for me is to be able to build the trust in myself in full, and therefore I know myself in full, in all its tiny aspects where it may hide some suspicion of living life in all the grandness it can be.
‘it is a great freedom to learn to trust the messages of the body, the only way to truly know if we can trust someone’. Simply yet powerfully expressed Tim. Thank you 1timrobinson.
How beautiful Sharon that as you have relearned to trust yourself and that this extends into being able to trust others. This ability to trust yourself again allowed you to support and care for another rather than allowing your fear to ignore a fellow human being who was actually a lovely person who had just gotten a little lost.
Yes Penelope, that’s really beautiful; that Sharon was able to support this person who had just gotten a little lost. If she still allowed her mistrust to govern her, an encounter like that would not have been possible and that would be a huge loss for everybody.
Well said Penelope. Learning to trust ourselves is a very important foundation to build. It then extends to other people, and the key to having amazing relationships with others is to have an awesome relationship with yourself first and foremost!
Your sharing Sharon, confirms for me that the tension or mistrust that emerges in us from our experiences in life (I could relate to your mistrust of men) occur in truth because we innately know that anything that is not harmonious or loving is not of our true nature. Don’t make a habit of picking up strange men; and do enjoy your reconnection with the openness and love that you/we all are! Thank you.
Pondering on your blog this morning Sharon I felt and realised that I had a mistrust of men; deeply buried from past very unpleasant experiences. I thought I had “dealt” with these issues but not entirely; little niggles were still there. I know that I can clear these hurts with the love and teachings of Serge Benhayon and with wise self loving choices.
What I have been feeling if we are unable to trust ourselves fully, we will be unable to trust another.
I agree Amita. The more we take responsibility for ourselves the more we can trust ourselves and then everyone else.
Deeply beautiful Martin, to read about your particular experience with not trusting men, and how this ‘protection’ dissolved in the face of re-connecting to the truth that in our essence we are all one, all tender, all beautiful . . inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Its quite the game really. Men can hurt -really hurt – both physically and emotionally but shutting themselves down to the world. In that shutdown they are capable of anything. Women then don’t open up to men knowing their capacity to hurt. And so both sexes remain shut down to the true hidden beauty of the other. Of course what we don’t realise is that if we truly open up, we cannot really get hurt – it is an illusion.
Living with walls of protection ‘just in case’ may get one to the end of their life, having lived a long life perhaps, but will it have been fruitful? Or full? Or as joyful as it could have been?
Absolutely Suzanne, a long life lived within self-made walls of protection seems more like torture than safety – a life lived without expressing our own inner beauty and truly seeing that in others seems like such a waste.
Living with protection puts a lid on the love that could be ever present.
I agree Adam, our greatest hurt is the one we do to ourselves, where we protect ourselves from other because we expect to be hurt.
Absolutely Lucy, when we go in protected, we hurt ourselves and the other. The only true protection is to be totally open, and to trust ourselves to feel and know what’s going on, through being connected to ourselves and our bodies.
Lucy that’s so true our biggest hurt is when we hurt our selves by shutting down and keeping everyone out.
Ironic isn’t it Lucy that the greatest hurt is not what another does to us, but what we do to ourselves trying to avoid being hurt.
Yup, it’s pretty crazy Hannah and yet we have all done it so it has been normalised and become part of the ‘human experience’. It’s amazing to know that it’s not something we just have to put up with and that we can choose to change it completely.
These illusions trap us completely and stop us from developing further the absolute love and tenderness that we all are. Exposing the games that we inadvertently play, brings some understanding and awareness to the evil that runs rife in our relationships.
Yes, Adam, and beautifully honest articles like this one from Sharon are starting to break the illusion that has kept us in protection and not open to each other.
So true Adam. And it is a self perpetuating game – in that shut down we keep inadvertently hurting one another and giving more ‘proof’ that the world is unsafe and shut down is necessary!
“Of course what we don’t realise is that if we truly open up, we cannot really get hurt – it is an illusion.” And committing to be in our fullness and open, offers us the possibility to develop love, understanding and healing in the areas that had us shut down from before, as Sharon has beautifully reflected in her story.
Your words are always very profound Adam. I like to draw people’s attention toward your contributions as they always add an important element to these already great blog sites. I concur with what you have shared, thank you and keep on writing, it’s a blessing for all that stop to read.
thankyou Sarah – you are always so genuine.
Very well said – and I agree it is a game we like to play. It keeps us frozen in our patterns, it gives us plenty of reason if not excuse to not rock the boat, withdraw, give up and hold back when all along it is the most natural thing in the world to trust and let Love in and remain open to life.
‘if we truly open up, we cannot really get hurt – it is an illusion’. Thank you Adam, much for me to ponder on in these few words.
Many people reading this comment about we can’t really get hurt might think that is simply incorrect. But through the work of Universal Medicine, I can now say even though I still feel hurt at times, I am slowly learning to develop an understanding of what is at play energetically and that there is in fact no hurt there, but rather a reaction to whatever situation is in front of me. This is not to say the situation is acceptable, but more to say that the hurt I was feeling is my reaction to that situation.
Thank you Sharon, Adam and Heather, I agree, our hurts only ever come from the emptiness, which is part of the ‘illusion’. When we choose to ‘react’ this is a choice to be in the illusion of the emptiness, instead of claiming the truth of who we are as presented by Serge Benhayon.
I am gaining more of an understanding for what Adam refers to with his comment
“Of course what we don’t realise is that if we truly open up, we cannot really get hurt – it is an illusion.”
This I have experienced first hand, when I “truly open up” nothing can hurt me because I am already whole, I need nothing, I am opening up to share that fullness with others and if it is “not received well ” which is rare, it does not affect me, as I was not opening up to gain something for self.
In the past I thought I was “opening up” but really I was putting myself out there to test the waters…. Waiting to see if I would get hurt or not, waiting to see if I could trust, then inevitably I would “get hurt” confirming my lack of trust and then reinforcing my patterns of protection. This is the illusion that Adam so aptly refers to, as I never actually “opened up” so did I truly get hurt, or is there a part of us that is untouched by these games?.
Adam I am only just beginning to understand what being a true man and a true woman really feels like. I have lived in a world with men and women for close to 50 years and yet was not aware of the true qualities of either sex. It is as revolutionary as discovering that black is actually white and white is actually black! How can it be that we are men and we are women and yet we are not actually being the true versions of either? And it’s no wonder that the world is up the creek without a paddle, how can we be in Tranquil Waters with sufficient oars when no one is actually being themselves? It’s actually crazy, really, really crazy.
The truth is that we are more than our identification with our gender allows us to realise. Men and women are invariably the same underneath, even though they are unique in their physical makeup, and what such physicality allows them to express. Even so, both genders can still equally express love, tenderness, care, joy, stillness, and Truth – and that is what we should always remember.
Well said Adam. It is a continuous cycle of shutting down and shutting out others that never ends until we are willing to see the illusion we are in and only then are we able to truly open up and let others in.
You speak on behalf of so many woman Sharon. It is wonderful for others to be inspired by your sharing and realise that as woman we do not have to live with a wall and guard that stops us from truly connecting to the natural tender nature of men.
Thank you Vanessa. As a man, it is lovely to meet women who don’t have this wall, this guarded approach to me just because I am a man.
It’s beautiful to hear that from you Lee. So often we play a game with each other where we won’t drop our guard if you don’t drop yours. Learning and choosing to be unguarded in life is a great gift that we give ourselves and everyone else.
I can’t imagine the hurt at this constant rejection Lee, I can only relate it to how I felt as a young woman being constantly viewed by men as a sexual being first. The walls we put up in this context are understandable, but we fail to take responsibility for our choices preferring to blame others instead for how we feel. In our lack of awareness we cause so much hurt to one another and to ourselves, but what Sharon is sharing is the possibility of healing them and being able to be open with all we encounter, which is ground-breakingly awesome!
Yes Michelle, awareness is all. It is ground-breakingly awesome to bring awareness to life , to our relationships and what follows is almost beyond our wildest dreams.
It is quite extraordinary to contemplate what it must be like for a man to feel mistrusted by half the world simply because he is a man!
Saying it like this Heather has really brought Lee’s comment into greater focus – it’s pretty shocking when I let myself feel it.
How healing it will be for men and women alike to trust freely and to let each other in – this is a new trend that needs to be set.
This new trend is already being set. I have had the utter blessing to watch over the last 11 years men and women come together and grow in their own evolution, letting go of their hurts and allowing one another in. To watch these interactions is a joy for me, let alone be a part of them! I feel truly lucky to be here at the beginning of it all, to watch it unfold and to witness the changes within myself too.
So true Vanessa
Thank you for sharing your story Sharon. It highlights how innocent and vulnerable we are as children and the huge and often long-lasting impact that a bad experience can have on us which destroys our trust and thereby distorts our view of the world and the people in it. However, we carry the knowing of that original trust, now buried somewhere deep within our hearts, and spend most of our lives searching for the key that will open that door. It was not until I was introduced to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I knew I had found my key at long last.
How beautiful Tamara.
I love that you highlight that this knowing is with us from the start and never leaves. It is more a case of re-assessing this by connecting to God – from here Trust is assured.
Beautifully expressed Tamara! So true that the knowing of that original trust is never lost, simply ‘…buried somewhere deep within our hearts’ until we are reminded that we each hold the key to the door we swung shut to keep out the hurts. When we open our hearts we are open to life.
The freedom of having that key to unlock the hurts from the past and be truly with other people is an absolute gift, one I am also deeply appreciative of through the work of Universal Medicine.
Most of us are carrying hurts that make it difficult for us to be completely open and trusting with other people. The problem is though, we allow these hurts to colour our interactions with all people. When the other person feels mistrust from us or even that we are not willing to open ourselves up to being seen by them, we reinforce to that person that other people are not trust worthy. It is an on going cycle of hurting and reacting that can only be broken by people choosing to heal their hurts that fuel the mistrust and let themselves be seen and felt by all, knowing that other people cannot truly hurt us but that it is we who allow ourselves to be hurt.
Well said Katemaroney1. This is a very harmful cycle – we feel hurt, so contract or react to others who then feel hurt themselves, and then meet others in the same way we did them! Although it can snowball pretty quickly, it only takes one person who chooses to express from LOVE and not hurt and they can inspire the cycle to stop.
Great point Susie – the power of Love is never to be underestimated.
Katemaroney1, there is great freedom in what you have shared ‘by people choosing to heal their hurts that fuel the mistrust and let themselves be seen and felt by all, knowing that other people cannot truly hurt us but that it is we who allow ourselves to be hurt’.
And herein lies the nub and the responsibility: no longer can we shy away from being the one that opens up, stays open, lets stuff go, lets people in – knowing that it only takes one to break the cycle of hurting and reacting. How cool is that?
Beautiful Sharon. Such an amazing turnaround to trust what you feel again, and what a lovely compliment to the gentle men who attend Universal Medicine events. As a man, I have been on the receiving end of this mistrust. It feels terrible to be judged by someone simply because I am a man – I understand why this happens, but it doesn’t have to be this way if we are open and connect to what we truly feel.
Thanks for sharing this Lee – how it feels to be on the receiving end of mistrust. No matter how polite we can be if the fear or mistrust is there it can always be felt beyond the words spoken. To feel that when there is no true reason for it must truly feel terrible.
Agreed Penelope although it’s interesting that I made all the mistrust of men around how it impacted me but not how it felt for the man. Just shows that when we are running in a hurt that we tend to make it about ourselves instead of considering the other person.
It’s true isn’t it Sharon. Our hurts keep us only being able to think about ourselves because they are about us only. They are our reaction and interpretation of how the world or situation isn’t what we need it to be, again only about us and what we think we need, so it makes sense that we would be unable to consider another and how they might feel when we are operating from our hurts.
What a great sharing, thank you Lee. Until I read your comment I had not stopped for one secound to consider what it must be like for men on the other end of the mistrust. Talk about mistrust creating mistrust. What a vicious cycle that no one can win. That is until it is exposed, thank you to everyone contributing here and to Serge Benhayon for sharing with us the clarity that makes this all possible.
Because society seems to have created a guilty until proven innocent policy, quite often men are mistrusted at the start, having to earn trust first instead of innately being given it. That must feel horrible to the many many men who know deeply within themselves they can be trusted, but still have to jump through hoops. I feel like this is a way of society that will be undone one day though.
Great comment Suzanne and a light bulb moment for me. That’s so men are mistrusted right from the start and have to prove themselves before I can trust them. Actually not only men, women too. Thank you. I feel I can put down the hoops and let go of my interrogating questions and innately trust.
Lee, thank you for your comment here. I have been someone who has in the past had a mistrust of men too, and just reading your line: “As a man, I have been on the receiving end of this mistrust. It feels terrible to be judged by someone simply because I am a man ” has really made me stop. I don’t think that was something I ever considered in all honesty. This is the same as judging someone for the colour of their skin. I had never considered that I had judged someone because of their gender. But as you say, it doesn’t have to be this way, and since attending Universal Medicine workshops presented by Serge Benhayon, and being met in absolute love by Serge and his beautiful sons Curtis and Michael, I have been able to let go of this judgement. I am now able to meet and connect with men myself in a completely different way that feels very open and often very tender.
And surely this mistrust applies to us all, beyond women mistrusting men?
How many men and women and children walk through life not trusting in other men and women and children, distrusting the world in which we live? Connecting to ourselves and our deep knowing certainly holds a key to how we perceive and relate to others and to the world around us.
In some cases to protect our children from predatory behaviour we actually train them to mistrust strangers, because we have long forgotten that our greatest strength is found in our ability to feel and discern energy – our ultimate from of protection can be lived with an open heart that trusts everything it feels.
I agree Deborah, mistrust is a huge issue among so many people and great excuse not to love. Something to look at myself.
Isn’t that the clincher Deborah, when our relationship with ourselves becomes one of certainty then we have no trust issues. We recognise that everyone is just being themselves but that we remain the constant. It is when our relationship with ourselves is variable and intermittent that we lean our weight on those around us. When those people then lack their own solid connection to themselves they are simply not able to be constants for anyone else and we feel trust issues.
We are essentially asking another to be everything that we are not willing to be for ourselves. This doesnt seem responsible to me and lacks a truck load of commitment to appreciating and valuing ourselves.
So true Abby, learning to trust what we feel is all the power we need to live our lives.
Well said, Abby. I have always felt that teaching ‘stranger danger’ is perpetuating our inability to trust ourselves, applying a blanket fearful approach to everyone, when we innately know when something, somewhere or someone does not feel OK. Plus the point that more abuse happens at the hands of people we do know rather than ‘strangers’.
I agree Deborah. Mistrust of others starts with not trusting ourselves first and holds us back from having true relationships with others.
Yes and how important it then is to connect and get to know ourselves – building a true relationship with ourselves is something we can trust.
Lee, it’s awesome to get your – the men’s side – heard here. Yes, it must feel awful if you have to prove yourself every time, and feeling the mistrust directed at you, just because you are a man. Thank God you have the understanding to know that it’s not personal, otherwise it would be easy to close down to women and if we all are closed down towards each other, we all lose out on each other. I have so enjoyed feeling the amazing tenderness in the men who are students of The Way of The Livingness. It just melts me. And I can see that tenderness in all the men I meet; it’s just sad that so many still believe in having to project this tough guy image.
As a world society we have much to answer for regarding how men treat women (and how women treat men). At times this treatment is appalling, but at times it is inspiring, and it is learning to read each situation fully that can enable trust with a complete stranger.
Yes it is a mistrust that is imposed on men from a very early age. My teenage son often gets questioned with a sense of accusation when he talks about the fact he babysits. It is as if teenage boys are labeled as sexual deviants that would have no real interest in looking after young children unless this was coming from an unhealthy desire.
Beautiful example Sharon of how we can choose to live with the events of our childhood or we can choose to let them go and learn to trust what we feel once more.
Oh my goodness! How many of us live with the events of our childhood that affect us now? Either consciously or sub-consciously? Many! I have only truly been able to begin to heal what I have been holding onto in my body since childhood from attending courses, workshops and presentations by Serge Behayon and Universal Medicine. I tried many things before this in trying to address my issues and nothing worked at all. In fact it took me further away from myself.
I agree Vicky. It gets very interesting when we have dealt with the bulk of the issues from our childhood and when we see our part in everything that has happened and the reason why it happened and what the important and real lessons (together with the misunderstandings) were.
Same for me Vicki and this is something I continue to commit to on a daily basis. The world would be a completely different place if we all decided to adddress our childhood hurts.
I love these comments and how liberating and empowering it is to realise we do not have to be victims of our childhoods/schooling/first relationships etc. That as soon as we choose we can take the helm and steer our own course. Responsibility and freedom rolled into one…perfect!
It is a beautiful example and an absolute miracle Sharon.
Yes exactly, once we recognise what beliefs we hold from the past, we can then check in if they support us and others, and if they don’t we can let them go – how liberating is it when we are able to make these choices from the trust within, which we are able to develop more and more to truly feel what is and what is not.
Yes good point – it’s all about choice , although it can be hard at times to let go of fears, especially long held fears, it is so worth it.
Jy36, you have succinctly expressed out how simple our life can be if we only let go of the hurts we have held onto.
I agree letting go is an important part of moving forward and something I have not mastered but am working on.
What this blog has exposed for me is that what we hold, if that is dis-trust then another feels it and thus we continue to re-create in our lives the hurt that we want to heal. By taking the opportunity Sharon, to offer the ride to this man, you re-imprinted the pattern of distrust that had been held in your body, and allowed a healing and loving interaction to follow. Something very powerful changed for us all when you made this choice and the connection of true brotherhood has been strengthened. Thank you.
Letting in women (and men) is not common for me yet. This morning in a meeting I chose – unexpectedly – to let the love of a woman in. That is so lovely and different than I’m used to that I can feel how I find it difficult to just ‘be with that love’. As I’ve got something to do with what I feel, or that we are something to do. There’s a lot of tension inside. As if I am changing my own ‘rules’ of life. My world would just be completely different if I would choose to stay with that beautiful feeling of all the different qualities women and men carry.
I can relate to this – and in my past I handed my self and my life over to the men that I chose as partners. In doing so abdicating responsibility for me, and without discernment of their capacity to ‘care’ for me. Ultimately this was all a set up to prove that men were not to be trusted, reinforcing the need to keep them at bay and manage everything myself Crazy stuff!
So the men got a second chance! What I find so godly about this is that trust is something that is given to us and our part is simply to say ‘yes’ to it. Then it becomes a knowing rather than a trusting, very solid in the body.
On reading your post again Sharon I understand the trepidation felt, and hesitation felt since experiencing something quite bad when you were little. How glorious is it that after so many years you can be so delicately but strongly opening back up to let true connection in ~ be that man or woman.
Love it Sharon – thank you for sharing. I can definitely relate to this mistrust of men, for me it’s a worry that I will be used or let down by them that makes me sometimes shy away from potential friendships or even just talking to them. But as you say we cannot judge an entire gender on our past hurts, or just from one experience – men can be pretty cool, and women definitely could give them the space to be themselves more!
Connecting to God has enabled me to trust my knowing and wisdom – from here it is natural to trust men, trust Women and trust in life. When I do not connect, I do not trust and this is an instant marker for me to reconnect and to choose Love and God once more.
Sharon, I can relate very much to what you have shared about the mistrust but also about the turnaround and counter experience since I attend Universal Medicine presentations and teachings and meet men in a different way than ever before. As I had the same issue with women too, I can say that learning to trust again in general is a very deep healing experience for me – as it is a work in progress. Having appreciating tender gentle men in my life is a divine blessing and supports me deeply to open up.
Lovely Sharon and it just shows, when we hold a picture of life, then life misses out on the love we are and life miss out by not having our love expressing in this world. What a difference that lift would have made to that man. I love it, have done it, and now understand how and why it felt OK to do. Feel everything, then we can feel people true intentions, including our own!
Sharon, thank you for sharing the story of your remarkable turnaround which I can very much relate to. Reading your blog today I can feel a deep appreciation for the many gentle men I have met over the past few years and for all the lovely qualities they bring. This is something I would not have felt in the past, so a huge thank you to Serge Benhayon who has been the greatest inspiration for me in trusting men once again.
I agree with you Jane. It has been so beautiful and deeply moving to experience the gentleness and lovely qualities in so many men in our community. Deeply inspiring.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your experience, my distrust was not so much about men, having grown up with brothers and having four sons, mine was more with women, but I could say, since coming to Universal Medicine, my distrust has very much changed. I am learning to trust myself more as a woman and as a result I have loving and trusting relationships with very beautiful women, something I could never have imagined.
Beautiful turn-around Jill! Yes it depends where we carry the hurts and what they are, as to who we do or do not trust. It seems to me that if we do not trust one of the sexes we will not be able to be fully open to either men or women. The contraction of protection will be felt by all we encounter.
We all have great reflectors, being our bodies and other people, constantly telling us what is going on for us. In the past before attending Universal Medicine presentations and workshops, I never connected my distrust of another as being reflective of my own mistrust of myself. All I knew was that it felt quite uncomfortable within the mistrust that I was going into and not because of the person I was mistrusting, but because I had stepped away from my own love and was denying the very love I am surrounded by.
We were not supported to nor encouraged to trust ourselves when we were little. Often if we spoke out: say for instance to not spend time with a certain uncle because we found him to be creepy we would be told not to be silly and over time as our concerns kept being dismissed we lost trust with how we felt. We can now regain this trust by re-connecting to our bodies and learning to once again listen to our bodies and feel what our response is to any given person or situation. As we consistently do this we can trust our self more and more.
Given ” The body is the marker of all truth” – (SB) I too have learnt to trust myself since re-connecting with my body and allowing the space to listen to what it is saying.
Trusting men – a big one for many and a great subject to talk about. Thank You Sharon.
Whilst I would never advise anyone to give a stranger a lift, what I would say is that we need to learn how to discern and that comes with connecting deeply to our body.
A start point is the Gentle Breath Meditation that Serge Benhayon has been presenting for around 15 years and as you develop the ability to connect with your inner most self, you can FEEL what and who is true and what is not in any moment.
I am talking from experience having worked inside an all male prison. In truth I could say I am fearless but not stupid. I know what is and what is not. By that I mean – I know each and every prisoner had a pure essence deep inside but my job to discern – to feel them in that moment.
Did I trust them – Yes. I reckon it is because I trust myself deeply and over time the majority who got to know me trusted me. I was consistent and consistency builds Trust.
Could it be possible that it is our consistency that builds trust? Possible?
My work inside prison and what I continue to do today would not be possible without the teachings of Serge Benhayon. Fact.
You make a very good point here Bina. Consistency does indeed build trust and as I am more consistent in the love and care I give to myself the more consistent I am in my compassion for others and the more I trust myself – and others.
Thank you Sharon for highlighting how we get hurt by one or two people but then paint everyone with the same brush. I can honestly say I was doing the same thing and it wasn’t until I met the Esoteric Students at courses and workshops that I started to get a feel for and trust that there were in fact very gentle, tender, loving men and that it was me that was keeping them at arms length.
Because of her own relationship with the husband she separated from, a friend close to me repeatedly said these words to me: ‘Never trust a man.’ I held on to these beliefs for years, until recently when I knew they were competely untrue. I now love men and can appreciate them for who they are, their beauty, tenderness, strength and the way they complement women.
It is beautiful to hear a man openly surrender and admit the gentleness and tenderness that he is. This goes a huge way to lay to rest the false ideas and perceptions we hold and also to inspire and encourage others to tap into their own beauty within. Thank you.
Thank you, Sharon. What I learned from reading your article is how powerful it is when we learn to trust ourselves and what we are feeling inside. When we have that as a steady foundation, we can read situations and people and know exactly what feels true, as you graciously did with the man who needed a lift.
“Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know “. This statement can be said by so many people and the trust he engenders has enabled so many to re-connect to their innate ability to trust and discern truth in so many ways and let go of their fears, as you have done with yours, Sharon. Serge is a true blessing for mankind.
It is amazing what we all can really feel. It is not something we have to learn… it is something we have all just forgotten about that it was a standard feature that comes with every new model. It is like the hazard light button on the dash, its there but when the last time you used it and when you need it you have to look for it. When we do use it we take it for granted, like when driving and you just know the car on the left has not seen you and is going to pull out in front of you. When feeling becomes automatic we just miss so much of the world around us.
Very true sjmatsonuk. Having an awareness of what we are feeling is life changing.
I have always been very guarded and wary of men throughout my life also and can relate to what you shared about the men from Universal Medicine. I find that at Universal medicine events I have met men who are genuine and have respect for women.
Wonderful to read about the turnaround in your trust in men that started with redeveloping your ability to trust yourself.
This is an enormous turnaround Sharon, one that could only come about through you learning to basically trust yourself, that inner voice we all have, and at times are not aware of. What a difference meeting Serge Benhayon has made to so many of our Lives, he is definitely the most trustworthy person I have met in my life.
I feel that this is such a strong testimony for Serge Benhayon and the Livingness, for this is said with weight from someone who not long ago still had a great sensitivity to the ways of men: “Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.”
You just knew, you felt in your body that this man was trustworthy and honoured that knowing by giving him a lift. We absolutely do know when we can trust a man or when a man is being sleazy in some way towards us. We also know which women to trust or not when we honour what we feel.
This was so beautiful and confirming to read, Sharon. The love in you felt and lived being shared with another – a man, no less! To see men as ‘no less’ had been a big thing for me, too as I learn to trust my feelings again thanks to the forever understandings I am re-developing thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners and as well as through the courses and workshops. How deep the mistrust has gone is evidenced by the avoidance of true intimacy with men and in turn with all others. As I redevelop this intimacy within myself, I find that I am opening up to more and more men, as well as women, in my everyday. No longer blaming or holding them to ransom for unresolved feelings and issues from my past, I realise I have accepted responsibility for who and where I am in life. Thanks, Sharon!
How fantastic, Sharon. As a man, I sometimes look at how far so many of us are from the innate gentleness that we are capable of, and just shake my head. But the truth is that we are that gentle, and that tender when we are given the opportunity and allow ourselves to be. It is awesome that you are now offering that opportunity to men!
I totally agree Naren. I know it is for us men to change but being shown love and trust unconditionally, as shared by Sharon, helps and supports us greatly to let down our guards and to reconnect to the gentleness and tenderness we are.
Absolutely, Jonathan. So much opens when we choose to support one another to be all that we are.
Hallelujah Sharon! I vividly recall a moment several years ago when I suddenly realized I was close to losing trust. In that moment I took the greatest stop in my life to date, as I knew I could no longer continue in the momentum I had been in. To lose trust, be it in men, ourselves, God, or life itself, is a pain too deep to bear. I can absolutely stand behind your every word of the support offered, and true care Serge Benhayon lives, as well as all who have felt inspired by this depth of love enough to make love their own way too.
Thank you for sharing this Sharon, I can feel sometimes still a distrust in men as well because of things happened in the past. I love how you share and connect it with re-learning to feel and trust our feelings again, I can indeed feel the intentions of men being genuine or not so I actually am having the best security system on board, so to speak.
Very inspiring to feel the power of your connection to yourself Sharon, and how that has changed your connections with all others in such a positive way.
This is a huge topic, trust between men and women, because a lack of it is mostly an experienced hurt we carry. But it is possible, as Sharon shared, to address these hurts and by trusting our own feelings open up again towards men. Especially when we realize that they are in the same way as women – tender and sensitive beings.
Agreed Sonja, and when we do open up to find that they are the same as women being very tender and sensitive beings we get to feel what we have missed out on.
Trust issues are something we are not. For if we connect to the Love, Joy and Stillness we are and live this in full then there can not be any trust issues.
To be frightened of something all your life and then being able to let go and to be truly healed of it is quite enormous, and through Universal Medicine this has become available to all.
Well said Esther it is huge and one of the many everyday miracles that naturally unfold as a result of the immense support that Universal Medicine brings.
Absolutely agree Esther, to see, accept and let go has become available through Universal Medicine and with this the amazing support offered. The possibility to truly heal is massive and a beauty humanity ignores while deepening the existence in misery. But one day it will be the way to live and truly heal and return to our divine origins.
It’s interesting that when we say we don’t trust one gender then really we are saying we don’t trust anyone – not even ourselves. There is so much energy and complication put into this mistrust. And as you so beautifully share here Sharon…once we trust ourselves, we naturally trust everyone – it’s really that simple!
Important point you raise Paula- that not trusting a specific gender is really about not trusting ourselves. But when we reconnect to the love within us- fear no longer exists. As we build our connection to God our trust in others also grows.
So beautifully shown by Sharon’s experience .
Absolutely Paula it’s really that simple, it is all about trusting ourselves and allow the connection to this deep knowing we all have, that it is inside us all.
I like the metaphor 🙂 and youre right what’s the use of living less than our true potential?
Gorgeous sharing Sharon…isnt it amazing the magic that can happen when we take responsibility for our own issues and healing them, and how supportive that can be not only for us but for others too.
These walls we put up to supposedly protect us which then separate us from another naturally tender and loving human being standing right there in front of us. We make our need to protect (our lack of self connection and trust), more important than connecting to another’s love (which is what we all want) that is totally equal to our own.
This is great Sharon, learning to trust our feelings again is quite a liberating thing, I have only just begun to start trusting what I feel, occasionally I can get it wrong but am getting it right also. I remember also as a kid having some pretty creepy moments with adults when nothing actually happened but I could feel something wasn’t quite right.
Isn’t it amazing how we have a bad experience with one man and we instantly think that all men are the same. Why don’t we just distrust the one man who abused our trust? Why do we go and distrust all men?
Such a gorgeous sharing Sharon. What a powerful healing and return to honoring an innate quality within of knowing the truth this is felt through our bodies. It is truly empowering when we allow ourselves to trust and be led by what we feel is true rather than being held in contraction from the fear and doubt that comes from being hurt as we shut down in protection. Whether it is that we openly share and connect with other men or stand up and say ‘no’ this is not OK. It is a blessing either way as we reflect the strength of our connection to truth and love. I share your deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and the true gentle men that attend Universal Medicine events, and others that I have also met, such as my husband, as through meeting them all I too have deepened my trust with men, and also with Humanity.
What I am finding is the more I connect with myself and build a relationship with me then the more all the old ideals and beliefs I have carried about both men and women naturally fall away leaving me to be more open and tender with others.
Well said Martin – ‘It is amazing what we carry and adjust our lives to, not knowing the pain each of these adjustments make, as they take us further away from ourselves and our truth.’ As you clearly have Martin, I too have chosen Love and have chosen to heal all that which keeps be separated from Love. The support that is offered through Universal Medicine and the student body is a testament to the Love we are all from and are choosing to return to living through our every day with everyone.
When we don’t trust, we keep ourselves closed off to experiencing beautiful interactions and intimacy with humanity whether that be with men or women. I have found that as I have begun to again trust myself and heal what is in the way of letting people in, the trust for others has naturally been there.
I can relate to this Donna and I am finding that it is a choice to do this, which at the moment I need to remind myself of on a regular basis.
Sharon this is so true. What we experience in our childhood with others can have a lasting impact throughout the years until we deal with and heal our hurts. Trust is then able to flourish within us allowing ourselves to open up our hearts and express the Love for all, men and women.
Letting people in, being open to life, to all becomes easier when we have trust in ourselves. I’ve had to re-learn this, there are still times when it slips, but less so now
To trust men means first of all we have to trust ourselves. To trust ourselves means to love ourselves. Only when we live the love we are we can discern what is going on in another person as we don’t have any investments or needs that have to be met by the other that subsequently may lead to accepting abuse.
It is a vicious circle playing out where men (and women) who are hurt act in ways that hurt others and trust on all sides is lost, but it takes someone to break the cycle and that begins with ourselves. As you say rachel, we have to trust ourselves first and that can only come from developing a foundation of love within that has no needs of another, no attachments or investments, or need to control. When we come from a place of love, another can feel the truth of it, and begin to open to the possibility of trusting once again. Thanks to Serge showing the way it can be through love, this cycle is now broken.
Yes Rachelandras and when we trust ourselves and we are in connection with who we are, we can clearly feel for ourselves if the person is safe or not. This is a great in built detector we all have to read others and will open up many great connections with others from this.
Absolutely Kelly, we KNOW when we discern energy. The safety issue is also a big myth as most women believe that violence and abuse is happening from the “stranger in the park”, but all statistics clearly show that violence and abuse against women comes from the closest people: partner, parents, relatives and friends. And there is where we are not discerning, due to the lack of self-love we accept relationships that seem to be safe from the outside, but they are arrangements of accepted abuse that may escalate or not. This shows that it is not about trusting someone in a moment, but abut KNOWING love and choosing love every moment of our life.
I absolutely agree with you Kelly, this is a very important relationship to make.
Great comment rachelandras, the truth of what you are saying is deeply resonating within. I can feel how I miss out on other people’s beauty because of this trap I keep falling in.
Great point iljakleintjes mistrusting ourselves is the reflection we get then from people around us and we are missing out on the beauty of people. I can very much relate to this too. Learning to surrender fully into my body and be the amazing woman I am I sometimes get trapped by the doing and feel the disturbance of the incompleteness of others instead of the beauty they are.
Absolutely Rachelandras ‘Only when we live the love we are we can discern what is going on in another person. ‘ I can relate to this Rachelandras. It is much easier for me to sense others and where they’re at because of my deepening relationship with myself.
It is interesting Kehinde and Kelly how easily we get into protection when talking about this topic. Reflecting on it it is not about security or discerning were the other is at, but about trusting myself as a woman. I don’t need to discern what’s going on in another from a position of protection if I discern energy in the first place and only choose to live the love I am.
Great reflection Rachel, it is our responsiblity to discern and choose energy in the first place and it’s this that determines how we are and the way we respond to whatever life presents.
And to trust ourselves – firstly connect and know God.
From here, Trust is a given.
Beautifully expressed Rachelandras, it is that simple and it does come down to simply this. If I have needs and longings in myself, it’s easy to project these on to others, not truly discern and become disappointed along the way. The responsibility comes back to me, to love and nurture me in full so that in all my interactions it is the whole me that is there, not needing anything but being all of me with whoever I’m interacting with.
What you write is true Rachelandras. The more I love myself, and thus trust in what I know, the less I need to act according to what is “appropriate” or “polite” or even reactionary, and the more I act according to that knowing. It is from that true impulse that I need not fear or mistrust, merely act without hesitation.
Rachelandras this is so true, it is a love for ourselves that makes us trust in ourselves in every situation, and thus less thrown by the challenges we inevitably face in life. One of these challenges is our relationships and how we handle them, how open we are is determined by the love, care and trust we have for ourselves. It makes perfect sense that if we care deeply for ourselves we don’t need anything from another and thus trusting another is much easier.
Hear hear Rachel (Andras) and Stephen G, when we know the Love that we are we have a firm and beautifully holding foundation from which to discern and read what the needed response is to and for another. We trust that Love and know this Love is us. When we are Love we no longer need to protect and contract or mistrust.
Thank you Sharon. What is also interesting to observe is that from one or two traumatic or horrific experiences with men most of us tend to rule out trusting men altogether. When we start healing our hurts and trauma, we start to see that we can trust people again but if we choose to hold onto to them, all we see are our hurts and this clouds our ability to truly discern and allow ourselves to trust again. By choosing to heal our hurts we have more clarity, creates openness and allows us to regain trust in ourselves and in others.
Wow Sharon what a great blog. This is amazing what you’ve share, it shows us that we can learn to trust again once we learn to trust ourselves. To trust that we know what feels safe or not by listening to how we feel and what our body tells us. We have the ability to read any situation to discern what is actually going on to support us to make loving decisions. So, relearning to trust ourselves is the first step in relearning to trust others. Thank you for this awesome reminder.
“To trust that we know what feels safe or not by listening to how we feel and what our body tells us. We have the ability to read any situation to discern what is actually going on …” – the wisdom of the body is just huge. This ability to “read” situation and trust again is an amazing process that naturally unfolds as we lovingly deepen our connection with the body connection and self.
Ariana, you have said this so well. It is easy to say we have an issue with trusting others, but when we take a look in the mirror and realise that we actually have not taken the steps to get to know ourselves and trust in all we know, the responsibility comes back on us. Thank you Ariana.
As a teenager and young woman I would sit in the front seat of taxis completely unaware that this was not the ‘done’ thing. I felt unsafe many times. Then aged around 20 someone informed me that it is normal for women to sit in the back of Taxis. This was a revelation and I felt much safer (and quite silly that I had not been aware of this). I didn’t discern and feel what felt true in each situation, I simply took my place in the back of the cab. I did this for about 14 years until about a year ago when I felt how much my choice affected the very lovely and sweet cab driver I had been blessed with. The rejection he experienced was palpable and I knew my days of blindly jumping in the back of taxis were over. Now I discern what feels right for me in each situation. Just last week I sat in the front seat of a taxi and enjoyed the company of my driver, feeling completely safe and enjoying the connection. I feel I will need to write a blog about this experience too!
Simply said Leone of a ‘typical’ situation in which we can all identify. This situation exposes the influences of Society and imposed beliefs which are very subtly keeping the ‘divide’ between men and women in place. What Sharon has allowed to happen has been a support to us all and the brotherhood we seek and know is possible.
I agree Martin if we don’t over ride our initial feelings and keep discerning then we gradually learn to read each situation as it occurs and make decisions based on this. I would occasionally hitch hike in the 70’s and I would naturally listen to my sixth sense for who i could travel with and I never had a problem and I met some great people along the way. Trust was not such a big issue until I got older and allowed my hurts to get in the way, that I began to stop feeling and discerning what was really true or not.
This is particularly interesting Leonne, as I grew up with London taxis or ‘black cabs’ as the norm, where there is no front passenger seat and there is a partition between the client and the driver. As anyone will tell you, this does not in any way impede the flow of conversation with the driver, quite the reverse in fact! When ‘mini cabs’ arrived in the seventies, they were just ordinary cars and suddenly one had the choice, front or back seat. I must admit that I frequently used to just collapse in the back and snooze through the journey, as it would invariably be in the small hours, after having worked the ‘graveyard shift’. The drivers always understood this and would have their mates on their radios to chat to.
Great example Leonne, we can discern each situation and choose who we can trust. When we are open to each situation with no pre-judgement we are more likely to be able to decide what is best for us. And that leaves us open to the beautiful possibilities for connection with others that otherwise would be closed off.
Leonne, I have sat in the back of taxis for over 60 years and to be honest, on reflection it feels a bit like old school British servant/chauffeur discrimination. Like you I have recently started sitting in the front seat and have had the most beautiful and interesting conversations with taxi drivers as a result.
So true Martin, when we experience something horrible we expect everyone to be the same, when it was only a few and many wouldn’t even consider such an act. I have let men into my life when I had avoided them for most of it. Not trusting one, then I met Serge and he with his love allowed me to feel safe, then I met some other beautiful tender loving men that only have love in their hearts, and I feel safe with, and let them in. Thank you Sharon.
Yes Martin, there are people who are capable of both. It is so important to build a relationship with ourselves and make a choice to see beyond the walls and the pictures we paint of what someone looks like being a reflection of what they might do. Feeling situations, people, owning our own fears and beliefs is the only way. Learning to honour and not override means we will feel all people as equal, not hold men as potential danger. It saddens me to even write that as I can imagine how many beautiful, tender and caring men feel this judgement and imposition.
What this highlights to me Leonne, is how much I stop and feel in each situation and how much I still do not. It is very important to have a deep understanding of myself so that I naturally trust what I feel and do not override it.
Exactly – it comes back to knowing ourselves so that we can discern and never be fooled into believing the whole is bad because of one rotten act or event. How quickly we can cast another as being soley their behaviour or casting into a stereotype or rule of thumb when we are first and foremost all knowing divine beings and whilst we may at times make less than loving choices at odds with our natural way, i would certainly not like to be judged and condemned for the rest of my life for any ill choice I have made.
Leonne, thanks for sharing this. It’s clocking these kind of ‘automatic pilot’ behaviours that can help break down the walls — I’ll be looking out for that next time I hail a cab too. It’s always very ‘safe’ to simply opt for the back seat without connecting with the other person in the car.
Absolutely Katerina – Just a few days after I sat in the front of a Taxi with one driver I sat in the back of a taxi with another. At first I went to sit in the front seat without discerning based on the lovely experience I had just days before and wanting this experience to be the same. Then I found the front door simply would not open. This allowed me to feel that I did not actually feel safe to sit in the front this time. It wasn’t that I did not feel physically safe but sitting in the front did not feel it would be honouring of the way I felt. I can see that this is what is truly important. Honouring what feels true for me allows me to be true with others.
Martin I absolutely agree. Recently it was absolutely bucketing down and I drove past a man at the bust stop. There was a moment of hesitation in me due to old tapes being played about not trusting men but I stopped and offered him a lift. He was on his way to a medical conference and was so glad to get there dry and I benefited hugely from choosing to trust.
And might it be anyway that we much more lack trust into ourselves and our all-knowingness than into others? My experience is that even when I have misread a person or situation so that it turns out ‘negative’, as long as I have done my best to feel and discern, I am okay with it as I have trusted and not abandoned myself. Yes, there is a pain in the moment and a lesson to be learnt but not a hurt that sticks around and from now on laces every other person or situation.
Oh I so so agree Alex – it’s called ‘backing yourself even when you are wrong’. We can just simply learn the lesson if we are wrong, but we must not abandon ourselves under any circumstances. This I am learning in leaps and bounds at this time and loving it!
Very cool Leonne, I suppose it depends on the attention you have when you sit in the cab. I never realized that women were meant to sit in the back of cabs and so I have always been a front seat sitter. I have not caught a cab in a long time now having a car and not living in the city but when I was young I caught heaps of cabs due to being a big drinker and having no car. I had one cab driver that I was really friendly with, he was old enough to be my father and was a total classic, he would drive me around for free as he loved my company, he used to just drive around the streets checking if I was okay, your cab comment reminded me of this experience.
Sharon your story makes me realise that all men feel this distrust. So as women we put the walls up thinking that makes us safe and at the same time the men feel these walls and then can very easily put up there own walls too. We are then left with 2 people, 2 huge walls and no true connection. Talk about a huge set up for us not to feel the love and warmth we all hold within us.
I agree Vicky. It is a such an illusion we think that we are protecting ourselves through the walls separation we choose to hide behind, as we are in fact then further away from the strength and might of our connection to the all-knowing truth of our Love.
A huge set up Vicky, and one that becomes a game that ends up being very well played. It seems that to not play this game, one if not both need to deeply surrender and work on this surrender as a crucial factor in everyday life. I can relate much to putting the walls up and thinking that this would protect me somehow. Not true whatsoever I am very much realizing.
Yes, I’m reflecting on a similar level Vicky to how ingrained my behaviour has been to putting up walls as a form of protection. It’s immensely sad to feel. It’s like we sabotage our lives under a constant lock and key of our own walls, and everyone is quietly regarded as a possible threat — so I will only give you much of myself. Reading Sharon’s blog and many of the comments here have been amazingly supportive to feel this all deeper and let more layers of this protective wall fall away.
I agree Vicky, When we feel hurt whether you’re a man or a woman we put up these walls of protection so not to be hurt again but all this does is stops us from being the Love we are. And to add wouldn’t it make a difference if we learnt to express what we were feeling and nominate this at the time it happens instead of holding on to our hurts/issues for many years.
It’s staggering to then consider the enormous range of walls that we put up because when you dip into the colossal range of walls then you get a glimpse of how the walls perpetuate the hurt that then guarantees more walls going up. I have had walls made out of countless different materials but one of my walls was constructed out of ‘I’ll attack you with a vicious tongue and then you won’t be in a position to hurt me’. I left a trail of damaged people in my wake, all hastily adding bricks to their walls.
On the bright side, what a joy that we have become aware of it now and are so ready to make different choices.
Absolutely – nothing is in isolation. This puts an onus on what we put out and how we are with others in every interaction. We have a responsibility to do so and to not add to another’s angst.
Absolutely Vicky – and how horrible… Once we see clearly through this protective wall/distrust game (not only limited to between a woman and a men but that can be played between any 2 or more people), its ugliness and set up, the fact that one chooses to not play it anymore – no matter what – is enough to change the game altogether. Deep healing unfolds from this choice – the consistent platform of love/heart openness that is gradually being developed and offered (by the one not choosing to play) to others who might still choose to play the game (for safety, because of lack of trust etc) is a powerful reflection that there is another way, that it is ok to trust. This trust is not blind nor wishy washy, it stands from a deep knowingness of what is going on and ability to feel as Sharon clearly expresses it.
Yes, and both are waiting for the other to let go off the wall first, only willing to come from behind their wall when everything is the way they imagine emotionally safe to be but actually lacing everyone with their conditions and hence reject, demand, suspect, postpone, mistrust… for eons. The ‘conflict’ between men and women is indeed an eon-old, repetitive set-up to keep us identified with the hurts and from complementing and thus evolving each other.
This is an enormous change for someone to make in their lives and is one that is truly inspirational Sharon. This is the sort of thing that not only heals our hurts but brings back true health and well-being to our lives.
And to heal the mistrust also brings back harmony and the will to good between people.
I love this Gabriele – mistrust is such a weapon. I often reflect on how a lot of the abuse we see everywhere online is born out of mistrust. Strike first to avoid being hurt. The will to good between people deserves far more focus in our lives.
Your words here Sharon, have helped me feel deeper just how deeply indoctrinated we are with pictures and images of Men as gunslingers, fighters, competitors, aggressive dominators, even savage beasts. In sharing this change in you, you are giving not just one man, but all of us a lift, confirming and seeing us as the tender beautiful human beings we are underneath.
Those images are exactly that – images, so far from who men innately are. To be reminded and inspired by the delicacy inherent in the touch of a true man, by his hand, his voice, or deed, is indeed heavenly to feel.
Thank you Joseph for making me aware that I too have done my share of labeling men to be all those things you mentioned. I can feel how this clouded my vision to see them for who they truly are..
This is so true Joseph, ‘how deeply indoctrinated we are with images of men as gunslingers, fighters, competitors, aggressive dominators’, my partner is very tender, caring and gentle and so is my son, I can feel how this is the true nature of men and that the ‘fighter’ image is so far away from the truth of how men naturally are, it feels very sad that there is this picture of how a man is supposed to be and an expectation of this and that many men try to live up to this, rather than living their natural sensitivity and tenderness.
Very true Joseph and what is so sad is that when you are not that you are the exception, not the rule and your sexuality is in question. Great to see the comments here and so many of us letting go of those pictures and beliefs.
And further than this, life is portrayed and configured for us to distrust at every turn and from every angle. The answer surely lies with us and how we are within ourselves – if we know ourselves deeply we will not be fooled by such games and mirages.
It’s quite the curse isn’t it Joseph, to be carrying sub-consciously all these imposed labels of what it is to be a man, labels that are so un-true but that shape our perception and those of others around us. And what they do is ingrain deeper the rejection of the man, the rejection of who he really is.
Wow Joseph your gracious comment shows how much harm we do to others when we staying victims of our hurts, the labelling is deeply felt by the other. This is so true in the case of men being labeled by the brutish manner that some have at some stage behaved, and how trapping that is. Conversely how delightful that by taking responsibility to heal our hurts and open our hearts once more we confirm and validate how lovely and beautiful the other person really is, and in this case how deeply sensitive, caring and tender men are.
This is true Susan, if we just allow boys and men to express their tenderness and to feel safe with this, they are not imposed to play a role, harden and get aggressive.
To be trusted by a woman allows a man to finally breathe freely in her presence as the burden of not being trustworthy and all the held on hurts and images he was laced with are taken off his chest, so that he can just be himself without the fear and hurt of being rejected. Not only did you heal yourself, Sharon, but you also offer great healing to every man.
As sad or even crazy as it is that smiling at people can be ignored, misunderstood or even cause a disturbance as long as one in hundred (or thousand) is responding, i.e. opening their heart when they are met with an open heart we are on the right track. In the end, it is unavoidable to open one´s heart. It is what we are and actually want.
That’s so beautiful Alex! I hadn’t seen that by mistrusting men I was placing a huge burden on them. I can see how I as the woman would lace men with my hurts and it would be exhausting for the man to be proving his trustworthiness.
Yes, Rachel, and vice versa. A man´s hurt and expectation to be rejected by a woman also means to impose on her as seen and painfully felt by women when men e.g. keep themselves reserved, not showing and expressing their feelings, pretending to be okay etc, basically behaviours of protection that don´t allow for honesty and intimacy with each other and often interpreted by women as not being worthy and kept at a distance.
Absolute Susan, men are portrayed in ways that they have to be hard, competitive, aggressive etc, and doing so they loose their true connection to their tenderness. When you connect to a man in truth, his tender qualities are all their to come out.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story – a great example of how our childhood experiences can lead us to hold onto some harming and unsupportive behaviours unless we choose to be aware of how they are impacting our lives and take action to truly heal them, as you have done here.
You are a walking example Sharon of the fact that we can actually heal the hurts we carry. Thank you for all you have shared here.
Yes she is a living miracle and when you read through these blogs/comments you realise how many people – inspired by Serge Benhayon – are making these profound changes (be they big or small) – that are like mini-revolutions because they are changing the world – 1 person at a time. Each time someone drops their protective barrier, and starts to open to the world, its like the world does a little dance and goes, thank you.
So true Abby and sarahflenley, the healing that has come through each person personally addressing and healing their childhood hurts is like a ripple effect. Each and every one of us brings a particular colour to the world and when that is turned down the world is a little more dull. Letting go of these hurts turns our individual lights up which has a profound effect in the world, one light at a time!
I love what you and sarahflenley have shared here Abby. Sharon is a walking miracle and I have witnessed many more of people who have made the choice to heal the hurts they used to carry with the support of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. Just last night I was sharing with a close friend where I was 3 years ago, and I was amazed to feel and clock the extraordinary turnaround in myself. I felt the solidness and steadiness that I now am and how abuse that I would allow back then could simply not enter now. I realised that I too am a walking miracle among many, many more who have said yes to living with love.
I too have had a similar experience with Serge Benhayon and the men I have met through Universal Medicine. Whilst not always the case, in more recent years I had come to mistrust men and I had very few men in my life. With Serge as an example of a man, followed by regular session with Curtis and Michael Benhayon I began to see what men could be like instead of putting them all in the same untrustworthy-able basket. From here I allowed myself to see other men and begin interacting with them and actually letting them in. Some parts of me can still freeze up but more and more I know that men are humans that are capable of such sweetness, tenderness and gorgeousness.
Beautiful Sharon. I love it that in that moment when you offered the man a lift you were completely present with your body and your knowing and you did not allow the past baggage to come along for the ride also. I am quite sure that had the man not been trust worthy you simply would not have offered him a ride or even have been in that situation.
Sharon, it is beautiful for you to be able to feel from your own body that you can trust men again. This must be so freeing and is allowing men to feel the gorgeousness of you.
Feeling from our body is such a strong and solid way to live. Our bodies never lead us astray when we know the feeling of truth within it.
Hi Sharon, trusting men is a big issue for me too. In the past, I just accepted that they would always let me down and that was what they were all like so I had many disrespectful relationships that I can actually look back at now and see that they were very abusive. I realise this was due to low self worth for me. For me it was ok for them to treat me like that. After meeting Serge I was shown how truly loving, caring, honest and gentle men can be and have met many men through Universal Medicine who literally melt and amaze me with there tenderness, the way they care about themselves, interact with other men and treat me just blows me away, but actually I can see it is a natural way for all men and it’s just a case of letting it out… I guess what you have shared shows that as women, when we trust and are open to them, we allow and encourage that natural way to be expressed.
Sharon thank you, aside from being a deeply honest and beautifully written piece, it is so meticulous in revealing what was underneath this mistrust of men. What it reminds me of is how easily we can go through life with a myriad of beliefs or attitudes and not stop to think if they’re really ours, where they came from and what might be really true if we uncovered their origins, as you did.
Gorgeous Sharon! What a supportive read, as I too have been ‘afraid of men’, and have had a past of ‘protecting myself’ from men. It feels so horrible, because in this condemning, generalising and judging; it completely obliterates the fact that beneath everything they are this tender precious man. Through the inspiration of Universal Medicine I have been able to connect more to myself, and when I live this in the world, I have had the very confirming experiences of connecting to the (e)quality in men, rather than shutting them out at first sight – what a glorious ongoing development. And thank God for Universal Medicine who has presented the true qualities of both men and women (and beneath that – who we truly are regardless of gender – love). Thank you!
The key tenet as taught through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that we are all innately Love, equally and divinely so. Therefore we cannot have issues with each other because we are men or women, as in essence we are the same. We can have very different physical expressions, but when we see them as first coming from love, as opposed to a point of difference, it allows us to be more open. Men and women in relationship together can be a truly powerful and harmonious combination. When we fully allow ourselves to let go of our issues, that may have built up over much time, we allow ourselves to be open to the love that is waiting, in relationship with all.
Sharon, your story also shows how important it is to listen to our bodies and trust what we feel. That way we can easily discern if a man can be trusted or not. So rather than looking out at him with fear we feel first what is to be felt and then we know how to respond, as you did with the man you gave a lift to. Serge Benhayon has helped many people, including me, to not shut down from feeling and to discern the energy.
This is great Sharon and a wonderful blog for so many women and men to read. I love how you bring it back to the body and trusting what we feel within, something we all constantly need reminding. It is so true that when we listen to our bodies and not suppress what is there, in any and EVERY situation, we know what to do.
Sharon, lovely to read how you started to open up again to men. Your story shows how a sensitive child can so easily take on beliefs that then run their life. The fear can actually draw to us what we fear and the trust can open us up to connecting with men. When a woman does not trust men she separates herself from them, almost as if they are another species and that must also be hard for the men to deal with.
Sharon I LOVE this! While it may seem like a small gesture it is quite a transformation as it shows you’re not wrapped up in this fear anymore so you would be different in all your interactions with men. I too can relate to this as I have found it difficult to relate with men without being guarded however Serge and his sons Michael and Curtis along with other men have supported me to see the tenderness and beauty in men.
I know I have often crossed the road when walking alone in the evening if I see a man approaching. This is a sad fact. I have also heard how hurt men and young teenage boys feel when they see women do this.
Sharon the experience you had with giving the older man directions is so beautiful and shows the tenderness that men do carry. I am sure he felt so loved and supported in that moment, and what a confirmation for you. We all respond to love and we all crave it, but there is a responsibility to allow that and not let our hurts get in the way of changing ‘the norm’. Yes I have also carried with me a resistance to men, and I had it confirmed time and time again as I allowed men to use me and hurt me, but in my allowing, I was just as responsible as they were.
To start to see men in a different light is such a huge step forward for women – there is no sense of inequality, just the fact that we express differently.
Until we choose to become aware of our hurts they absolutely rule our lives. This is why it is so important to heal our hurts so we can once again stand free to trust in ourselves and each other.
Absolutely Elizabeth, so true. As our hurts do run our lives when we are not aware, and so we are then not being honest with what we are truly feeling. And this is the way we then share with others. No wonder there is so much mistrust in the world today. When we choose to be aware and honest with ourselves about our hurts we then rebuild trust with how we truly feel and express this. And from here we can honestly and openly share the truth that we know and feel. As the truth of love expressed freely is the honesty we all deeply appreciate and trust.
I agree, Elizabeth, Healing our hurts actually rebuilds trust with ourselves, because as we go through this process we are listening more and more to ourselves rather than the hurt.
They say that people don’t change, that we just become more entrenched in our patterns as we get older. But this blog, along with the many other examples I have read, show there is a movement where people are showing they can change even their deepest patterns, heal their deepest hurts. The students of the livingness are quite a case study, and this small example is HUGE as it multiplies out across the thousands of people who have been inspired by the work of Universal Medicine.
Yes Simonwilliams8 so well said. There is another way that we can live who we truly are and not from the hurts that we are holding on to – ‘there is a movement where people are showing they can change even their deepest patterns, heal their deepest hurts.’ The Way of the Livingness is a way that this is possible, and accessible to anyone and everyone. And as you say this way is already being lived by thousands around the globe. Living proof that indeed that we can change whenever we choose to.
I agree Sharon, Serge Benhayon and the other men that I meet at Universal Medicine have inspired me to trust men and to see them as no different to women. They are just as tender and gentle when we open our hearts up to them as we learn to love ourselves.
I have come to realise that I in fact didn’t really trust anyone, but learnt as I grew up that it was the ‘norm’ to rubbish men and blame a lot of my woes on them, including my lack of trust in them. I find it so interesting that my lack of trust played out like this because of what we have allowed to transpire in our society towards men. Coming back to feeling that it was not just men I struggled to trust, lead me to realise that it was me I had no trust in. Healing this has allowed me to let people get close to me again, both men and women.
Wow robynjones11, what an honest and inspiring comment. What you share here is amazing. From what you’ve realised and then choosing to take responsibility to regain trust again, through opening your heart and letting people in is a great healing. I have met a lot of people who simply find it very difficult to trust, they seem to blame others for their problems and not choosing to see what part they also play in their mistrusting of people. What an awesome realization is to come to, from living in mistrust in people to trusting again, we must first trust ourselves, trust our ability to discern truth and trust what we innately know.
Rebuilding trust does start with us, Chan, I completely agree with you. “…we must first trust ourselves, trust our ability to discern truth and trust what we innately know.”
It’s amazing how we are conditioned to mistrust from a very young age, that people are bad and mean and that you should never talk to strangers. Well I was never good with the ‘don’t talk to strangers’ rule and still am. I have a natural trust in the good in people which has stayed strong throughout life regardless of what I have experienced.
Beautiful Sharon, and what you offered this man in terms of a lift seems so normal and natural. I do understand and relate to your lack of trust in men though. At a recent group event we were partnered up and were discussing a particular topic. Now what we actually spoke of is not relevant here but the fact that I was able to truly look into this man’s eyes without turning away or breaking into small talk was amazing. The act of letting down our walls and letting people in, is the way back from the mistrust.
I too am learning how I have been stuck in some old patterns since childhood that do not serve me and are not true. Trusting anyone has been a big issue in my life. I have found that learning to trust myself has then enabled me to more readily trust others. Also looking back I can say that when I felt let down by someone, the real hurt was a deep knowing that I had handed responsibility over to them and had sidestepped my own responsibility in the matter.
What you have shared is really important in that when we are truly connected to ourselves and trust this (as the modality Sacred Movement helps us to) then we can feel and know if we are in danger or not. We have a deeper awareness and more clear and present with our surrounding and decisions. So Sacred Movement, I feel, is something that could really support all young women.
I realized that what I expect from others will come to me, like I attract what I carry with me (like past experiences and old hurts). I wished so much that my father (and later my partner) would appreciate me and treat me like something precious – but they did not. Now, after years with Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and hundred of Students of the Livingness I discovered that I am precious and glorious. I do not longer need someone to give it to me like a present. I am worthy by being. To claim that and to make self-loving choices again and again did build a foundation in me. I trust in me now and in my choices. For example, I can trust now in my awareness of what I feel and that I do not deny it. If someone or a situation does feel dangerous for me – I will leave this person and situation. And if someone – like my partner sometimes still does – does treat me with no honor, I say: stop. I do not allow that anymore. And I hold myself in the amazing love I am – the Love we all are – and remember him as what I am and what he is. It is not love to treat others disrespectfully and with no honor, but we are love and so it is my responsibility as well to reflect this love to all who may have forgotten it for a while. So trust for me is something which takes place when I reconnect to how I am and also reconnect to the knowing who we all are. It is reconnecting and expressing true love.
What I love about this turnaround Sharon, is how you have come to reconnecting with your own true inner knowing from your essence in your body. It is so common that we rely on our past hurts and fears to tell us how to keep safe. Now you have a truer inner warning system in which to discern the energy of others.
I found it really interesting to read this article and contemplate the fact that I too have held men at a distance from mistrust. In hindsight I have found this has been healing through the men I’ve met through Universal Medicine who so comfortably wear their teddy bears on their sleeve, expressing from their tenderness and embracing you with the exquisiteness of that. It is truly gorgeous to see and feel and a blessing to any ill and false perceptions I once held about men and them not being worthy of my trust.
Sharon, thank you for sharing your inspiring story. Reading it I was reminded of an incident with a man that happened to me when I was a young woman, which terrified me but I dismissed it as nothing ‘actually happened’. However this did lead to a huge distrust of men for many years. It has been Serge Benahyon, and his sons Curtis and Michael who have supported me to be able to feel that I can trust men again, along with many of the men who are students of Universal Medicine and by allowing myself to appreciate the beautiful gentle and tender way that these men are I have allowed that trust to flourish once again.
Sharon great sharing and beautiful how you took responsibility with yourself around trust. When we connect to the deeper stillness within ourself, we become open, we see and feel everyone with the same love and light. This is the basis of us building our trust with self and others.
Thank you Sharon for sharing how you healed your mistrust of men by connecting more deeply to yourself and thus feeling that here was a stranger who happened to be a man who you could support by giving a lift. I have no doubt it was also a healing experience for him because when we open up to another they feel the trust that we are allowing and are blessed by it too.
‘Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know’ I couldn’t agree more Sharon.
There are many not very supportive choices I have made to develop a lack of trust in myself, which results in a lack of trust in life and the world. No man is living in a vacuum. These choices play out and have a ripple effect to spread mistrust around the world. Making choices based on love and truth and seeing how they play out will be the only way forward. We’ve tried the other way for eons and have they truly worked?
Sharon what stands out from your blog is just how we can label everyone the same and also how if we don’t trust in one area of our life it holds back our ability to trust in others. To allow ourselves to know everything is connected and trusting on one area supports us to trust in all areas.
What a beautiful encounter, Sharon, and, no co-incidence that this happened right after a Universal Medicine event, when you were feeling all of your very scrumptious self.
It is amazing how past experience can still have such an instrumental role in the present. As per the example of mistrusting men, we can have issues that can affect how we think, act, behave, speak, movement and other actions.
They are well worth looking into, as they can be life changing.
It is life changing when we start healing our hurts and start truly living a life with clarity, trust, appreciation and love.
Yes indeed and not only life changing for the individual but also for everyone in that individual’s life.
Spending time with men who are relearning how to be their natural gentle selves has been an enormous support in my own relearning to trust again, not only men on a whole, but also myself to not allow the protective shield of another person to affect me so much, and instead to see beyond the self made barriers and in to the person inside who is just like me, a little scared, scarred, and really full of love.
That is great Sharon. I know where you are coming from but would for me say it was my lack of trust of everyone regardless of their gender. It would vary with different genders but still be there. In my experience, men I find often use their body, their might and strength as a form of power hovering over you competing to be top dog, whereas women tend to use words and manipulation far more. Neither are true and both create an air of mistrust. The more I allow myself to be love and to connect to other people without holding any judgement over them the more I see what is really going on and how many of us are simply coming from our hurts and trying to protect ourselves rather than attack others. Seeing this gives me far more clarity and I now do not find I react as much to other people as I do not take what other people say as personally as I used to. This is largely thanks to the many Universal Medicine practitioners I have seen over the years, and the many friends I have developed within the Esoteric Community who have shown me what it is like to interact and be with others when we are not coming from and living from our hurts.
‘History can be proven wrong in a moment’. Your experience is a great example of how we make choices based on hurts and fears that then run our lives for us until we choose to understand what’s driving our bus. Once we can reconnect to and feel able to trust that inner knowing again we are free to choose differently and take the jump.
I find this an interesting topic because as a man I have found it difficult to trust other men. I also know of other men like me who find it easier to confide in women and have a lot of female friends. Yet since attending Universal Medicine events I have gradually met a lot of men who are acting in their natural gentleness and this allows me to open up to trust much more. As men we have a tendency to fall back on topics such as sport to remove intimacy, yet within each man is a beautiful tenderness that is desperately wishing to come out. The more encouragement this gets the better it is for us all.
I can relate this, many of my life experiences resulted in me not trusting men, I have to say trust in general was an issue for me. I have also observed some truly gentle men with real integrity and this has felt very healing and allowed me to let go of old hurts and behaviours. I have become aware how much responsibility I have to meet all in equality, there is a sweetness and gentleness in all if we connect with what is inside.
I could reimprint my picture I had from men through Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon and many other students of the Way of the Livingness as well. I would not say, I haven´t trusted men, if I met one, I knew directly if I could trust or not, but my opinion was, there are not many out there and most of them have an hidden agenda. I opened myself up to the possibility that there are men existing who are truly loving and tender and in result, I support those who are willing to let out their true nature.
I can so relate to what you share Sharon as it mirrors my own experience of not trusting men. Since connecting with Universal Medicine I have found that I am trusting what I feel once again and I have had some beautiful connections with men who I am rediscovering are just as beautiful, tender, loving and fragile as women. The more I let my guard down the more I am letting both men and women into my life and it feels lovely!
Thank you Sharon for the opportunity to consider trust and see how it plays a big part in how we interact and relate to each other. I can see that having a trust of others is a trust that first has to be there with myself and as I learn to trust myself and my choices and act on what I feel, as you did with the stranger, then life becomes more open and inclusive and there is no need to be mis-trusting of anyone just discerning.
A beautiful sharing Sharon – and a living proof of you can let go of beliefs you once had taken on.
It’s true, we get hurt by certain experiences in our life, and hold onto these as a way to go through life and not feel ‘hurt’ again by having the same situation arise, so we are constantly on guard for what might hurt us. Thanks Sharon for sharing you managed to let go of the guard you are holding towards men and it has inspired me to look into times when I feel I’m holding up a guard and don’t want to trust people!
Isn’t it crazy that we should be so scared of men. They are after all human beings who have the same flesh and bone and tender souls as us. When I meet men who I don’t know I love focusing on the fact that they have a loving heart underneath all the protection and bravado, and I speak to them as such. Very often this results in them letting down their guard and talking to me as if they have known me for years. I love watching the transformation that happens in front of my eyes.
Great sequence of events. Claiming your womanly sacredness, letting defences down, return to trusting your feelings and then offering support to a stranger. This story offers the important understanding that the gesture of offering a lift to a male stranger only came once the other steps were taken, not through some whim or hope or need to break any fear, but through true knowing and reading of the situation.
I could sing a song on this subject either, Sharon. My father kept saying when I was young, “never trust a man… ” So I started early age not to trust men included my father and I had some experiences which proofed that my father spoke about reality in his statement. Thanks to experiencing truth and love through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, my hurt concerning men starts to heal.
Serge Benhayon has shown me how to reconnect to the awareness of what I feel and to trust myself in what I feel. Trusting myself I am able to let go of the protection that kept me from trusting others who posed no threat.
This is so key. For in trusting ourselves and what we feel we can truly discern a threat from what is not, and perhaps just another holding back, being scared themselves, etc. Nowadays I have no qualms in striking up conversations with people who are ‘meant to be’ or ‘perceived’ as threatening, whilst at the same time discerning a ‘smiley’ face or a ‘professional’ for what they truly are beneath.
Thank-you for this honest sharing Sharon, I am reminded how protected i used to be with men, presenting a tough exterior, expecting them to hurt me, my feminist side was born from deep hurts, in fact hurts that felt like they had been with me for lifetimes. Through re learning to love & appreciate myself, these layers of protection have lifted and the sweetness & equality i have experienced with men has been game changing.
Before Universal Medicine I was probably as numb as you could get. As you have said Sharon that when we start to feel everything the world changes around us. I was working in a prison as maintenance at this time and contact with the guests of the state was just a daily part of the job. What was interesting is that men that had done terrible things surrounded me but I could not feel what ever was in them at the time they did what they did! I had the right to look at their files but chose not to because what they were and who they were now was not the same person. Feeling energy of others is an amazing way for us to see the world we live in.
I love this sjmatsonuk – pure feeling, no judgment, no isolation.
Once I begin to trust in myself and what I feel, I naturally begin to trust in the natural flow of life. Serge Benhayon is the Number 1 prime example of a man who can be trusted and, innately all men are the same. It is great, Sharon that you have learned to trust men again, and what better teacher to have than Serge Benhayon who has also taught me to trust myself and follow my feelings. Once we begin to connect to our inner essence, and trust our feelings, and begin to truly discern for ourselves then there is no room for doubt anymore. I understand what you mean about the Sacred Movement women’s groups, I have been attending these groups too, and what a revelation this has been. Big shifts are taking place in my body. I have more joy, more awareness and more confidence and not only am I feeling the expansion, but those around me are feeling it too. Thank you for sharing Sharon. The world yearns for truth and to come back to trust and through the Way of the Livingness it is beginning to happen, and the tide is turning, back to Love 🙂
I too held a deep distrust towards men and this only dissipated once I started the healing on offer through Universal Medicine and allowed myself to actually feel into a situation and not just close off altogether just because of some “bad” experiences I had in the past.
Yes Judith, myself too, in fact reading this blog reminded me how much dis-trust I still have and how much I have already healed thanks to the inspiring male students, practitioners and the teachings given by Serge Benhayon.
Thank you for your sharing Sharon, trusting men is an issue for many of us. I am learning to first trust myself and what I feel and I am allowing myself to encounter men with an open heart. For me it’s a process unfolding but a worthy one to commit to.
Trusting ourselves is a major factor in learning to trust men again. If we have trust in our own strength, value, love and discernment we feel so much more trusting of ourselves to read another and see them for who they are.
Yes and really not just in trusting men again, in trusting everyone, in trusting life, I first need to build a foundation where I trust myself and trust my discernment. Just this morning in the schoolyard I realised that I was reading everyone I encountered. It was a great awareness as it gives me the opportunity to be affected less by what is around me and to stay with me and clear of what is going on for me and not take stuff on from others.
I have had this experience too Katinka, I have found in these moments I have so much more love for everyone. I’m looking at another through eyes of love and observation rather than eyes of judgement and fear. Holding the love within allows one to see the love within all.
Thank you Sharon for this great article – isn’t it wonderful when we begin to self-love, listen and trust ourselves then the behaviours of ours that once had such a powerful hold over us are simply just not there anymore. It’s wonderful to appreciate and celebrate these moments.
Whilst reading your blog Sharon I was thinking to myself that although I understood what you were saying I did not share your feelings about men. It was only after reading some of the comments that I was hit with a lightening bolt! The lightening bolt was the realisation that I don’t trust women! Holy schmolly I did not realise that until just now and the reason behind it is the hurt that I felt as a child who was moved from school to school and met with distrust from the other girls in the class.
Beautiful to read Sharon, how you willingly chose to trust men again, and healed past hurts that were in the way of seeing men for who they naturally are. I’ve walked around most my life with a false picture of men, and most the time have believed that ‘they’ are up to something and that I couldn’t completely trust them. This was exposed after meeting Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon that these beliefs were holding me back from seeing the true tenderness and gorgeousness of men. Seeing this first in men has opened me up to some amazing relationships with many many gorgeous men.
Your beautiful blog shows me Sharon, that we can always change our behaviours and that nothing is fixed in life. Patterns we have taken as a result of childhood trauma’s may not be of any value for us when we are adults and it is important to remember that. Behavioural patterns we have developed from trauma’s need to be looked after and to be healed. Until Universal Medicine came into my life I’ve never been made aware of this fact, but now I know and your blog confirms to me the power of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities once again.
I love this Sharon, it is beautiful, and I too appreciate the wisdom that Serge has shared both through words and simply the way he lives about how tender men truly are.
Men are Absolutely Beautiful !! and I just have to celebrate their sensitivities and tender, loving, innate delicateness every day 🙂
Sharon, reading your blog gave me goosebumps. I have always held so much love for men and I too created a protection from being hurt by them or feeling fearful. Returning to the natural trust and love that we have for men as equally to women and ourselves is absolutely precious and miraculous when we think about all the sexes separation that occurs because of long-held beliefs about people.
Letting others in and trusting our own sensitivity in reading, knowing and understanding others is our natural protection and one that continues to leave us open and willing to connect even more with people.
This is beautiful, Sharon. We can so easily make up our mind about things just from one experience and hold onto to it as the ultimate judge. I had a lot of resistance to saying yes to the possibility that proves otherwise because it felt like my vulnerability was being exposed, and it was unbearable to admit to my own hurt.
Interestingly, many men have the same issue with women. They feel very hurt and only speak with women in a very guarded way but with Universal Medicine that is changing for many of us.
Wow Sharon, that is a seriously cool story, to get to a moment in life where you are able to let go of something that has held you to ransom for so long and the joy of watching it no longer be there. All I can say is well done and also a big YES, that Serge Benhayon is a man of deep trust and integrity.
This was gorgeous Sharon and when we are connected to ourselves we can read all situations we are faced with. In this instance by offering the gentleman a lift, you let go of the issue by simply being with yourself and holding that. That’s hugely inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, Sharon what an amazing turnaround and transformation. I realised reading this that the mistrust we can feel towards men as women can run very deep, often without us realising. This then plays into our relationships with men — they have to constantly prove their trustworthiness and we’re forever on the lookout for something untrustworthy to shut them out again. To let go of those hurts and trust men again is letting men in to our hearts and this is huge for men and women alike and for nurturing true relationships.
Its great to read that through the work of Universal Medicine you have managed to deal with past hurts and overcome your mistrust of men
Its great to read that through the work of Universal Medicine you have been able to heal past wounds and overcome your mistrust of men
That’s amazing Sharon! I have definitely lived most of my life, and still to this day I have to admit, mistrusting men to a certain degree. It doesn’t even feel right to feel that way, but from a very young age, I’ve always been wary of men, particularly those older than me. I have and have had many male friends in my life, and once I get to know someone the fear goes away very quickly, but I definitely feel they need to prove themselves to me before I can let them in. It’s a work in progress, because in truth, I know there is nothing to fear.
Hi Sharon what I hear in what you have written is that you trusted what you felt – you trusted this man because you honoured and trusted your feelings.
Thats a super sweet story Sharon. That man would have loved meeting you too.
I can relate to not trusting men and how sad it is when we put them all in the same basket. There are some beautiful men around and we all miss out if we don’t trust or as you say, trust yourself enough to be able to discern.
Thank you Sharon, yes this seems to me to be a divine moment of opportunity that you took to trust again in men, heavenly presented with this angel disguised as a man.
Sharon, I love how you trusted in your body and what it was telling you about this man and in so doing, freed yourself of a long held fear that literally kept you from opening up more to men. Very beautiful to feel your allowance of your own gorgeous love.
As a woman I am also deepening my relationship with men through expression that used to be extinct to moments where true equality is felt and expressed, and truly so Sharon the ability to make these choices come from a deepening relationship felt through the connection with our bodies. My body knows to be true that there is absolute equality between men and women, and the ability to live this equality and trust comes from the strength and connection first with my own body.
It is such heart opening exercise to truly let another in and feel them respond in kind. Underneath all our layers of protection, which in truth is what is hurting us, we are all the same Love.
Sharon, what a blessing to be able to now make choices in alignment with all that you feel. To have the blessing and support of sessions as presented by Universal Medicine in a “group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies” changes our ideals and beliefs, and instead comes a living knowing-ness of what is true.
Sharon I picked up a male hitchhiker the other day but often I don’t feel to, I don’t label the other hitchhikers untrustworthy but wait for an impulse if it’s not there I don’t stop. I have learnt that to trust again is as you say an ‘ability we can choose to turn back on’ and in that moment I can feel what impulses me without having to judge.
Yes both Micheal and Curtis Benhayon are true role models in what it means to be a gentle-man.
Sharon what a fabulous blog, I can really relate. It also gave me a moment to pause to feel just how much Serge Benhayon has supported me to heal my own mistrust of and issues around men, he is indeed a most trustworthy and gentle man. It’s great to realise this and feel my appreciation of Serge for supporting me in healing this simply by being himself – a gentle man of true integrity. I also remember attending the 2013 Universal Medicine Retreat in Vietnam and experiencing the true gentle quality of the male students there, I felt their loveliness, their sweetness, their trustworthiness and how warm they were. For the first time I felt completely safe amongst a group of men – not just safe just healing rapidly! The love, calm, purity and strength I felt from these men (of all ages) was a remarkable healing for me and further testimony to the true nurturing Serge Benhayon offers in his work to both genders. A man in Livingness is drop down gorgeous – melt your heart completely divine.
And just like that, when we accept the moment of grace offered, we free ourselves from that which had come to bind us. For when we surrender to the love that we are, ‘what we are not’ soon loses its ‘power’ over us. Thankyou Sharon for this example of the ease with which this can be so.
Sacred movement is such a powerful modality and your encounter with this man Sharon shows me how when we connect to our sacredness in our divine bodies we are able to trust ourselves again as women … what a wonderful gift this is for humanity!
Thank you Sharon for this honest sharing and very healing outcome. I have often been moved to tears when I have witnessed men express from the beauty and tenderness they are. When I haven’t completely trusted what I have felt in certain situations in the past it hasn’t played out well. I feel we do always know who we can trust and we need to trust that we know.
Indeed taking the responsibility for such, rather than playing a blame game, or writing off men completely, has allowed for this constellated moment in time in order to seal the deal on what used to be an issue.
This is a huge inspiration Sharon, and brings to the surface for me how much I do trust men and how I have not in the past for similar reasons. Having had a similar experience as you I can see how my trust in myself and in my body have given me a way to build this relationship with myself and others. It is astonishing how much I naturally want to trust all men and women, however living in a world where so much violence and harm happens makes it even more crucial that we honour what we feel.
This statement in itself, sures-up the fact that we have a choice in matters of our own being and expression: “history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.” Very well said.
Beautifully said Oliver and Sharon. The vicious cycle of history can be broken in a moment by us being willing to feel again and trust that feeling. At the point we re-connect to feeling we begin to find our feet and enter into the orbit of Love . . . and align with the Aquarian impress of evolution in our relationships, with people, with nature, with God and the universe.
Thank you Sharon for sharing this – a beautiful everyday miracle.
What I feel about my distrust in men is how I have painted them all with the same brush, and by doing this I miss out on seeing who they truly are. My wall is up on our meeting and this wall takes trust to let down. It’s a definite work in progress for me, but I’m looking forward to my walls being broken down and to seeing what happens
I love this Sharon, I have trust issues with men that I’m working on. Even reading that you let a man in your car brought fear up in me. I had just sent out my appreciation to a gentle man the other day. This gentle man in my life is a friend who has shown me that I can learn to trust men again. Every time we meet we have an open hug were I have been conscious of letting my guard down and letting him in. I thanked him, and let him know that what he offers me will be felt by the many men I meet along my days.
Kimweston2 you express so well here the ripple effect of a loving gesture. We greatly underestimate the power a simple loving act can have. As I type this, I realise this also applies to loving acts towards myself and that I don’t have to wait for another to show me that love.
It is beautiful Kim when we have these gorgeous men in our lives, that just blow all our misconceptions out of the water. This allows us to be open to the love that is innately there in all men, though we may have been tricked otherwise for much of our lives.
So true Amelia, it’s like the saying that it takes one to ruin it for all. We build perception based on the actions of a few and those perceptions are either based on love or hurt.
It wasn’t until this summer that I realized I actually didn’t trust men for almost all my life. And to add I found women better/more worthy than men. Ouch for all of us. I missed out on loving relationships and men missed out on having me as a friend. With Serge Benhayon, his sons Michael and Curtis and so many other gorgeous and tender men in the student community as examples I got to experience how I could let go of the mistrust. For just like Sharon shared, if I am connected to myself I know and my body tells me if I can trust another person, doesn’t matter whether that is a man or woman.
Amazing to hear that Monika. I have just realised that I have not been trusting women for a long time! I feel that as a sensitive boy I was used by women because this is something that a lot of men aren’t showing and so women look for it everywhere. Letting go of the hurts is a big part in trusting and letting people in, in FULL.
I agree Harry, sensitive boys and men are sought after by women, because most don’t show it. Thank you for letting go of your hurts, starting to trust and let people in. All of us gain from that.
This is just gorgeous Sharon! Being in deep connection with your stillness after the Sacred Movement evening you immediately felt and knew that you would help this man who needed support in that moment. Deeply beautiful to let go that mind-set/body-set that projected mistrust on the whole of men-kind when only a few had hurt you. We have all been living in an energetic maze of distorted mirrors until we met Serge Benhayon, who gave us the clue to get out of the maze of fear and apprehension and simply ‘Be Love’.
Men are naturally very gentle, tender and loving. Unfortunately society has ideals and beliefs that men feel they need to live up to in order to be considered a man. Fortunately we now have men who are reflecting their beautiful essence and it’s wonderful that you not only feel this but gain the healing from it.
So true Peter,these beautiful men are leading the way in returning to their natural tenderness. I felt a vulnerability and openness in the man I gave a lift to that I clocked I could trust. I am sure he had no idea the deep healing he offered me that day.
And I am sure, the healing you offered him in turn for trusting, Sharon, would have been massive as well.
Yes, true Peter. We so often dismiss the ideals and beliefs we as a society place on Men, because the focus is more often on how society degrades Women. In short, society doesn’t favour either sex, we basically destroy the gentleness of both as soon as possible by populating our thoughts with garbage. But, there is another way, and slowly but surely we are all returning to truth.
Peter, thank you… the ideals and beliefs that are imposed on men mean that men leave themselves and that women no longer trust the men in the process. Men have been tainted with labels and characteristics they are not, and everyone loses out in this.
I totally agree Peter. There are so many sayings and false misconceptions around men, and also women that are constantly being thrown around, that completely discount the true loveliness of who we are. A man recently said while we were talking ‘you know I’m a typical man’, because he kept working and playing sport while he was ill. In most cases when a man says something like this, people laugh and agree or shrug it off or even continue the banter. I shared with this man that I knew him differently and didn’t go along with it… this was very uncommon for him to hear and he then openly shared why he does that.
I love what you have shared here Sharon. It is incredible to see how allowing ourselves to feel is what keeps us safe. Living in fear and mistrust of others feels awful and although we may keep ourselves physically safe we are devastated by the loneliness and lack of connection we feel as a result of these choices. Thank you.
That’s a great point Leonne as I feel many people live each day the deep hurt of this loneliness and disconnection from each other. At our core we all want to feel connected and loving with each other.
So true Leonne, I have been living behind thick walls of protection for so long and can confirm that it is a very lonely place and the irony is, that I never felt safe either. To open up to people, allowing myself to feel them has become a key to life thanks to Universal Medicine.
Exactly Judith – that is the real trick – we never actually feel safe when we live fearfully and in protection.
You raise an important issue her Leonne, we have a choice to keep on protecting ourselves and shutting people out or take a risk and open ourselves to reconnecting to others and sharing ourselves.
In the last few years I’ve seen how much we can block people from truly getting to know us. We do this from a protection and fear of being hurt. This blocking feels like a hardness and coldness instead of our natural and joyful warmth. I’ve done this with both men and women and it feels horrible in my body because it is so unnatural. Naturally we are all deeply considerate, caring and supportive and it’s sad that due to the abuse and crime we have in society we have had to learn how to discern and know when it’s not safe to engage with strangers. The key here is to discern, it’s not about blocking everyone out completely and shutting down to any form of communication. Such behaviour only brings a feeling of loneliness and separation in society.
Well said Danielle. The key is warmth, for it is the love in our hearts that melts the icy walls we have erected between ourselves and others.
Yes and the wall can only melt from the inside out, not from seeking warmth from the outside in.
I agree Danielle. The solution to the abuse and crime should never be to shut down and never let people in, it’s about teaching our young how to discern energy, then trust will never be an issue as it will always be about knowing.
This is so true katechorley, growing up reading energy, and holding our love in any situation is the best way forward to facing the abuse and crime and lovelessness in society. In truth we are saying that we are all love and that we are all responsible for what we see around us. So not trusting another is in fact not wanting to be honest about the power we carry and the responsibility we have in how life is.
As you say Danielle the key is to discern, whereas all too often we make a blanket decision about everything in a certain category (like men, or women) and that then shuts us off to this entire category of humanity. Take this out across everyone, with all our issues and hurts and no wonder society seems so fractured.
I love what you’ve brought in here simonwilliams8 about the frustration of society due to the categorising of people and life. We only categorise because we are avoiding being aware of the fact that we feel everything and there is no need to categorise. The frustration must therefore also be from the shutting down of our feelings, which shuts down our power to rise from the situation.
I agree Danielle that, at heart, we are all deeply considerate and caring and yet (as you say) we still need to discern when it is okay to engage with someone unknown to us. We cannot be ‘open’ in a naive way, but be open will the full-dimensional understanding and wisdom that loves, observes and reads what is before us.
This is beautiful Lyndy and emphasizes that being open is a quality and an essence that we can hold another in. It doesn’t involve a certain way of being physically with someone, but instead keeping our heart open, letting people in and letting them feel us. All of this can be done without words or even the meeting of eyes.
This may seem like a simple story, but it is huge in what it is presenting. It is not always easy to admit that we have an overall mistrust of men, so to re-build this trust to the point where you can feel the truth of who a man is from your body is truly amazing and inspiring. Knowing Serge Benhayon has helped me re-build this trust as well – from a solid foundation of who a man truly is when he lives from his essence and is honouring of all equally. Thank you for sharing Sharon.
This is very true Jo, ‘ It is not always easy to admit that we have an overall mistrust of men’, reading this I can feel that in the past I have had this mistrust of men, I just was not aware of it, I would not be as open and loving and playful with men as I would be with women, always holding them at a distance. I can feel now how this is changing having met many very tender, sweet men through Universal Medicine, I can feel how this is truly how men are and this allows me to start to be more open and trusting of men again.
Yes, Jo, and knowing the true essence of a man allows us to see through the outer facade and encourage the man within to come out by being open and in our natural delicateness as women.
Sharon, your sharing shows how we are always being presented with opportunities to expand our light and to let go of the old beliefs and ideals that hold us back. Your moment presented at exactly the right time and you claimed it. Fear of men is a big one for many women and meeting the most amazing, sensitive and gentle men through Universal Medicine has also been a joyful and healing experience for me. Not only have we allowed separation from self, women have allowed separation from men as a result of the violation that can be experienced at their hands. You have re-claimed a part of who you are.Your blog also shows the essence of these sensitive men that are out there open to living their own tender and fragile truth.
I totally agree, ch1956, it’s been very humbling for me to meet so many gorgeous, tender, sensitive and caring men who are not afraid to share how they feel. It’s enabled me to understand and appreciate that as I allow myself to be more open and trusting, this will allow the men in my life to show more of themselves too.
It’s amazing Sharon how when we let these past experiences colour our present day they magnetically pull in events in our lives that seem to confirm that they are true. It’s beautiful to read how you came to a place where you can absolutely trust how you feel and therefore Men too. In this relationship you have developed with you, you are naturally safe from harm and open too.
Very well said Joseph. It is so true that when we are able to let go of the need for our behaviours of supposed protection, it is then we “are naturally safe from harm and open too”.
True, Joseph! Basically our hurts are linked to things. Sometimes they are connected to gender, a race or a special type of people – but in fact they are reactions to an energy we have been confronted with. And because we are no more used to see life in energy we link the hurts with outer appearances or situations.
This is a great understanding Sharon. Turning our trust back on by connecting to ourselves first. I really appreciate what the Sacred Movement Group brings to support our connection to who we are. Knowing who I am is foundational for not being fooled by another, therefore trust is simple.
Great point Sandra, knowing who we are doesn’t allow us to be fooled instead with this solid foundation we are able to trust what we feel as so beautifully evident in Sharon’s blog.
“Knowing who I am is foundational for not being fooled by another, therefore trust is simple.” So true, Sandra. Well said and yes it is that simple. But most of us have a lot in the way that needs to be healed before we can really feel the depth of this statement.
Yes Sandra, trust is of ourselves first and is found in the deeper connection to who we are, as Sharon’s example shows so beautifully. Once we have that, we will have it with others naturally.
It’s so easy to allow our previous encounters to affect how we view others, from early childhood experiences I learned to both dismiss and mistrust men – it was never anything specific but a feeling of unease and mistrust that was actually about how my feelings were dismissed as a child and how as a woman I was raised to feel and be less than men. So in reaction I dismissed and mistrusted them, and wanted to prove I didn’t need them and in the process I missed out on just simply meeting them as they were. In recent years I too have met many lovely men and learned how truly tender they can be, and it’s totally changed my relationship with them. I enjoy being around them and no longer feel I have to push them away or mis-trust them. Thanks for your blog Sharon, it’s such a great celebration of you and us all.
Monicag2 this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
What you describe here Monicag2 is great because it exposes the game of control and manipulation we get into with others. Being able to see it as a way to control and manipulate another or others really brings understanding to why we then receive such behaviour in return. Once we can identify these behaviours and the source of them (in this case mis-trust) we can then heal and not be drawn into these behaviours again. Instead we can be more of who we naturally are, which is all about letting people feel the love that we have for everyone equally, no exceptions. We therefore change the interactions we have with others which also allows others to change the way they are with us.
This is great Sharon and a wonderful blog for so many women and men to read. I love how you bring it back to the body and trusting what we feel with, something we all constantly need reminding. It is so true that when we listen to our bodies and not the suppress what is there is any and EVERY situation, we know what to do.
It’s all about what we feel from our bodies. It’s intersting that as children we go into protection and stop listening to the wisdom of our bodies. I thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in offering a true way to reconnect to our bodies and learn to trust again.
As children we innately know whom we can trust and whom we can’t because we are born with a natural ability to feel in our bodies, but we lose that discernment as we grow into adulthood. I was brought up with the ‘Men are only after one thing’ belief and sadly, many of the men I met were in line with that, and confirmed my belief. In recent years I have come to recognise the innate tenderness in many men and my trust is slowly rebuilding, although an experience in a London park last year showed me that there are still some men out there who prey on vulnerable women. It also showed me that that my antenna for identifying such men is not fully operational and needs further fine tuning.
This is the stand out message for me in this blog, that we inherently know what is happening in situations if we connect to our bodies and feel energetically what is there.
Gorgeous sharing Sharon, thank you. Yes, Serge Benhayon is definitely the most trusted man I know. He is consistent all of the time, reflecting the qualities of a true gentle man – caring, loving, alway truthful, never holding back but always beholding of each and every person in absolute love and he never wavers in his commitment to serve for the all. Serge Benhayon has not only reinstated my trust in men, but in humanity. He is a role model for all.
I completely agree Donna, Serge Benhayon is a true Universal Man!
Yes indeed it is the consistency of openness and care that Serge Benhayon holds himself and other people in that really role models that men are indeed very gentle and sensitive by nature.
I love the last line Donna, Serge Benhayon a role model for all.
Yes absolutely, Serge Benahyon is without doubt the most trustworthy man I know. There is nothing in me that holds any mistrust towards Serge Benhayon whatsoever.
Hear hear.
It feels to me that the more we women are willing to look at and break down the mistrust we have of men, the more they will be able to relax and become their true selves and be able to, in turn, let go of their mistrust of us! How ridiculous it is that we have this them and us thing going on in the world when essentially we are all the same and want the same thing – to love and be loved.
Yes as we begin to trust ourselves again we begin to heal our mistrust of men and women and we can get on with celebrating what we all want – to love and be loved.
I agree Jeanette, it is ridiculous, all these mistrusts and misunderstandings.
Well said, Jeanette Macdonald. We are all so focused on hiding in our fortresses that we can’t feel that men are just as ‘unsure’ of us a lot of the time, they just show it in a different way, often by appearing to be very confident. How will they ever feel safe, if we can’t learn to feel the energy first and trust them so that they are able to let their guard down too and then we are really allowing ourselves to meet each other.
Your comment made me realise how caught up in self I was. I hadn’t really felt into the fact that men would mistrust women as equally as women do men!
I have also noticed that without all the projections that I used to have floating around, that must have been hugely uncomfortable and imposing, men have the space to be themselves. It’s actually kind of tricky to be yourself when the other person doesn’t allow for it. Even if someone does have the strength to hold themselves, the other can’t see it anyway. What a jumbly mess!
Love what you have said here Jeanette. Let’s lay aside the boxing gloves, dissolve the battle of the sexes and truly feel and know that there is no ‘them and us’. We do want to same thing, to love and be loved’.
To remove the impost of dis-trust we have placed on others is so freeing for all involved. It means no-one is being held to ransom for someone else’s actions before them. Because the irony is the person we do not trust right now, most likely has nothing to do with why we actually don’t trust in the first place!
It is an incredible and very sad irony robynjones11, I agree.
That it is Jeannette, but we can turn it around by supporting ourselves to trust again through honouring what we feel in every moment that we can. I have recently been doing this by allowing myself to live from a deeper connection within myself and with my body and it is extraordinary what I am discovering and how much more I am trusting myself, my body and the energy of God.
It’s an interesting thing to realise that we make most of our decisions through life, on how we will be through protecting ourselves from being hurt and protecting the hurts we have held onto, even though the person standing in front of us has had nothing to do with those hurts. The crazy and sad thing is that we all do this in life. So we are a population of people living life and relating to each other based on protecting our hurts. Crazy and sad when we come to understand that we are so much more than our hurts. But as you have highlighted beautifully Sharon all of our hurts can most definitely be healed meaning that we can trust again.
That is so true Jennifer. There are so many situations where our hurts are leading the way in how we behave. At work if my manager asked to see me I would automatically panic and think I was in trouble. This only changed when addressed a hurt from when I was younger around being treated badly when I made a mistake. I find that if I react to a situation often there is a hurt behind it needing to be healed.
It is crazy that we base most of our decisions on a fear of being hurt. This explains the tension and strain and even hardness that we hold in our body. It’s like constantly walking around as if we are on a battle field, going from bunker to bunker with snipers in the distance. We are constantly expecting to get hit, and living in a way as if this is real, very crazy and in the same breath very freeing to see that we can let the shield and the armer down and begin to see that we are the one’s investing in such beliefs and behaviours.
You describe the insanity of the situation very well: we hold each other to ransom for something that happened in our childhood and that we have not moved on from because the hurt is still there – effectively, everyone is paying for what one person did when thousands of others didn’t. No wonder there is so much discord and strive in interactions and relationships, we look at each other with tainted glasses.
Well said Gabriele – “everyone is paying for what one person did”. We shut humanity out and close ourselves off all because of the actions of one person. It’s a crazy way to live!
Your words of truth are very well expressed Gabriele. As when we live in this way we are blaming everyone for the hurts we are holding on to, and so evade our responsibility to heal and let go of our hurts. And when we do choose to let go of our hurts, our relationships are then established from the connection to the truth of who we are and the truth and honesty we are choosing to live.
Indeed Jennifer, and we are led to believe that dealing with these hurst takes years of therapy and deep indulgence, yet what is so magical about the work of Universal medicine is that there is zero indulgence or attachment to our hurts. Through first connecting to our innermost, we are able to nominate and clear years of protection – pouff – just like that.
Yes Jen, and we have a very functional life of operating from our hurts. It seems every interaction is a reaction and never true expression, no one is truly expressing how they feel or their true essence because we all have these hurts and are playing a mistrust game as a result!
So true Jennifer, it is truly mad the way we choose our hurts and protection over being open and loving to people in our lives. When you see it in this way it just makes no sense at all. As you say and as Sharon shows this can all be healed just by choosing to be open to trusting what we feel. Choosing to be open to others, rather than putting up a shield of protection in life. When we do this it is amazing just how beautiful our connections with each other can be.
Beautifully explained Jennifer. I have been quite shocked to find out how much of me has not been expressing truthfully because of that protection. This means that no one, least of all myself has really got the full benefit of me living the true me! As you say however, all of this can most definitely be healed and we can start to trust in ourselves and others again.
This is what’s brilliant about Sharon’s experience as she is showing us all how this lack of mistrust can be healed, through trusting what we feel inside.
Jennifer, it is ‘crazy and sad’ that ‘we are a population of people living life and relating to each other based on protecting our hurts.’ This means that we easily react to another from an assumption that another will do something to hurt us so we impose an ideal on them rather than be open to seeing who is there. This is harmful to that person and keeps us shut down and living in mistrust.
That feels so awesome Sharon, and the beauty of you letting go of that life long mistrust brought a tear to my eye.
I realise I have had an ambiguity running also, thinking that I like men but because of a past event, not really trusting them. A horrible for men, and very conditional way of being with half of the world’s population!
Thank you for sharing your story, Sharon, ~ it’s inspiring to read what can happen when we are open and connected to ourselves. Besides, it’s not fair to all the men who are gentle, loving and trustworthy, to hold on to what a few have portrayed. Simply awesome to read about your transformation.
Although I knew my father’s rages were not the norm, I did buy into men related to women primarily through sexual attraction – if you weren’t attractive sexually for a man you had no currency or importance- and my dad certainly promoted this belief to my great judgement and condemnation of him. And for all my righteousness, I played this game just as much in my own way.
Relating with men without the sexual element is very lovely. Dropping my guard has allowed me to feel my tenderness and the tenderness and caring of men, I can feel this with my father too and it’s such a healing.
This is beautiful Sharon to learn to trust again is such a gift and feels so lovely to read and know for myself also. Learning to love ourselves deeply means simply learning to love others also and thus trust develops more and more In our lives. Wow we are all so blessed to know Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and the life changing amazingness that happens if we allow it for us all.
Re-learning to trust ourselves will allow us to trust others and life again.
What is lovely about this blog Sharon is that what allowed the trust in others was the way you trusted yourself far more. That is the magic of what is presented by Universal Medicine, anything we hope to have or share with others, we must first be willing to share with ourselves.
Such gold Joel. This whole blog and comment thread is so ground breaking. So many of us our looking out of ourselves for trust first. We are looking to our partners, friends, parents for that trust. Why? Because we want it so badly, because the tension of living in mis-trust is agony. BUT, true trust will only ever come from ourselves and until that is established, the bucket we are filling from others is riddled with holes.
There’s a hole in my bucket dear Liza, dear Liza… turns out Liza was right… Henry needs to fix the hole himself. Thanks for the trip down memory lane Ottobathurst.
He does indeed. But it’s fascinating to ponder. Henry knew there was a hole in his bucket. Henry could see the water pouring out of his bucket. Yet he goes to huge lengths to avoid mending it. Massive procrastination and delay. Totally gives his power away to Liza and refuses to take responsibility for the hole himself. As an aside, the beautiful thing about the poem is Liza’s amazing patience and unwavering love of (“dear”) Henry.
It’s sad how we stop trusting our own feelings because of what we are told or some bad experience, yet each person and situation is different. I have been wondering about some of my own experiences with people that didn’t go so well and some that did and what my part in it was. Why I didn’t see what happened coming and why things turned out the way they did. It came back to overriding my feelings. I knew how these people felt and I convinced myself that I was being silly, I did not trust how I felt. These days how I feel is my first check in, and I do not dismiss it. It is by far easier to trust people when I am connected to the way I feel rather than remembering past experience and pushing that onto the present.
I have held a mistrust of men for a long time too. I’m seeing how this is unfair for men and can also create a sense of mistrust in them towards women due to their encounters with women who are not fully open.
the problem with Men Annie is that they are deeply sensitive, so deeply sensitive that they double their efforts in ensuring that they don’g get hurt – although they will never admit this, even to themselves – and therein lies a great part of the problem. The greater the guard, the greater the sensitivity to get hurt – for the most part.
Sharon this is a wonderful blog of you regaining your trust in men. I hope to one day feel as open as you have. It is important to heal the hurts surrounding this issue for me. This will enable me to let men in more fully as I go through life’s experiences.
What a beauty-fully heart warming and heart opening story. Thank you Sharon, for your honesty and the great observation that ” history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.”
What a miracle for such a huge shift to happen, naturally so and this also shows how powerful our relationships are, that is, by developing trust in one man, we actually develop trust in others.
It’s great Sharon that you’ve been able to heal the distrust you held of men with the understanding and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Trust can be a huge hurdle to get over, awesome that you have brought this up in your blog Sharon, there is lots to talk about. There can be many misunderstandings from both men and women about each other. These are often formalized early on and become cemented especially in an event like a flasher, that can hurt an unsuspecting child.
What a beautiful confirmation for you Sharon to see how far you’ve come. Thanks for sharing with us.
Thank you Sharon. This is very healing to read. Whilst it is true that there are people out there that are not trustworthy, the greater evil is the fact that we often hold all of society in the same light based on the actions of a few. It is better to live a life of open-ness and accept that we occasionally are going to get hurt, than to close the door off to everybody in order to protect ourselves from what “might” happen.
Absolutely. How many lives are held in a purgatory because of what ‘might’ happen?
Gorgeous Sharon and what a great confirmation of the healing that has occurred in your life through allowing yourself to trust in what you feel. Life can become quite simple and spontaneous when we heal our hurts and fears and return to that strong inner knowing that will stay whether we are safe with someone or not.
Learning to trust the opposite sex can be far more complex than what we would assume. There are so many different experiences, ideals, beliefs and expectations around that are personally and societally driven that the fact that we can feel energy all the time is completely buried. Thanks Sharon for sharing your story which highlights that if we come back to the basics of learning to trust what our bodies are telling us, we can have access to some amazing understandings.
Your blog shows that we can heal from hurts and distrust from the past and that we can make the choice to be open and loving with all those around us, including men ( :
I too would say that I had issues with being around men, even though I mostly had guys as friends. But all these issues with men (be it dad, friends, closer relationships) I have learnt have all stemmed from a mistrust with and of myself. The more the mistrust of myself falls away the more I open to others, men included. The truly gentle men I have met are awesome and they bring a richness to life that is a true blessing. Men being who they truly are are simply awesome, of which I have been blessed to experience through learning and choosing to trust myself and others once again.
I also wonder if the way men are portrayed in the media, or sensationalised in real life is a set up to stop men knowing the truth – the power, love, tenderness and gentleness that they all naturally are.
What is also incredible Sharon is you have shown change can happen anytime and any place. So often we grow up believing it’s too late to change, that’s just how things are, life is – yet you, and many more are living proof this is not the case.
It’s important to talk about this as so often there can be a blanket mistrust of men in the world, especially if you are a woman, or experienced any uncomfortable or abusive episodes growing up. What I have also come to realise is that many people can project their own hurts with the opposite gender onto another, say from an unhappy marriage, or being mistreated by a man, which can come with sweeping statements such as ” oh well he is a man”. This is not okay. I can completely understand but it’s realising that not every man will treat you the way you may have experienced or been treated in the past. And that every man ( or woman) underneath their own hurts is exactly the same, equally delicate, tender and precious. Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhyaon have set this new foundation for me, a man in his true power, tenderness and love.
I agree Sharon, Serge Benhayon and many of the men on the student body of Universal Medicine inspire confidence, making it more accessible to instill a trust in men if we have lost it due to previously hurtful experiences.
Like you Sharon, I grew up fearing my dad because when he drank alcohol he was not himself and would become aggressive and controlling. I was also sexually abused as a teenager, sleezily kissed by a married man, flashed by a man in a park near some bushes who was masturbating, and nearly picked up in a car by a stranger who offered me a lift home- he was circling the neighbourhood. These events left me not trusting men, and fearing intimacy with men. Thankfully since meeting Serge Benhayon, his sons in private healing healing sessions and after attending Universal medicine events, workshops and retreats I have met many men who are very respectful of woman, gentle, tender and loving in their behaviour. I am now learning to trust men again also.
Learning to trust men again, began by re-learning to trust me. This would have not been possible without the amazing wisdom and loving support from Serge Benhayon which has offered me an unwavering foundation on which to reconnect to the inner knowing of what is true and what isn’t; a knowing that was buried beneath layers of self doubt and lack of confidence from many, many years of just managing to survive. Now thanks to the presentations of Serge, Universal Medicine the trust that I had buried has returned and with it a sense of freedom to be able to live a trust-full and glorious life
Thank you Sharon for your sharing of this, as it is something many women can relate to I’m sure. Mis-trusting men can have terrible consequences, as they can feel the barrier it puts up and this is certainly not loving. Allowing ourselves to let go of the imposts that affect our relationships with men is a beautiful thing and opens us up, and allows men to feel our beauty as well. This can be truly healing for all.
” … I have met some lovely gentle men … ”
It must be a delicate situation for many men who know they themselves are ‘safe’ and trustworthy but who also understand the distrust and fear many women (and men) hold men in … and sometimes appearances don’t help. For example, there is a local taxi driver I’m acquainted with whose appearance is that of a bikie with the long beard and hair in a ponytail and a big, solid build (as far as I know he does not own a motor bike), and yet he blushes too easily and is one of the most gentle, considerate, willing people I’ve had the honour to meet. With our ability to feel what is true it is obvious he is trustworthy, however if one was going on just appearances, one could be alarmed.
Sharon this is a lovely blog. Once we trust our ability to discern then we absolutely know whether or not another is trustworthy. I too have sharpened this ability since attending Universal Medicine workshops and presentations by Serge Benhayon.
Wow Sharon – this was an eye opener for me. I had not actually clocked til reading this that I carry a mistrust of men, incredible. I love how you allow history to change in a moment and really embrace trusting Yourself again – your discernment – your willingness to speak up – and that all this reclaimed means not having to hold all men to ransom, but actually take each individual based on what’s there in front of you at the time you meet from your own empowerment and responsibility – very cool.
I’m back for a PS – because you really got me considering this. I realised that I also carry something of a mistrust of women – but for different reasons, there was a different known danger, not so much physically or that imposing sexual way that we encounter all too often from guys, but more the manipulative streak and game playing women and girls got into. As a child I found boys easier to be with mostly, and even at preschool hung out with more boys than girls, they were sweeter, simpler and more predictable. So here is to clocking and dropping the old mistrusts wherever they linger. You’ve given me lots to learn from here Sharon, thank you.
Oh yes Kate I can relate to this mistrust of women too for the same reasons you share and always found boys easier to be with at school and even now as an adult sometimes can find conversation easier with men.
It’s a sad irony really that we are in a state where women sometimes carry a mistrust of women, or a mistrust of men – and becomes a bit self fulfilling – or a momentum that feeds itself. Some of my most precious relationships these days are with women – they are real – honest – gorgeous – warm – supportive – there is SO much we miss out on when we’re not at ease with ourselves and other women or men folk.
‘So here is to clocking and dropping the old mistrusts wherever they linger.’ Hear hear Kate and the more we are open to feeling mistrusts and working on trusting ourselves the more our lives will be enriched by deeper connections.
Very true Helen – mistrust feeds itself – and building out of this is richly rewarding.
Thank you for sharing Sharon, it is interesting how those emotions from all that time ago were still held onto and then shaped your relationships with men. It makes me wonder how our lives would be lived differently if we didn’t store and hold onto things, and of what quality would our relationships be.
That is huge Julie and something very pertinent to consider. How would we be in this world without all our past hurts and expectations weighing us down.
That’s a great account of re-establishing trust. I say ‘re’ because we all had it naturally when we were little, but were hurt by something and chose to turn it off. Like love, trust has become something different from its origin. It has become synonymous with ‘safe’ or ‘protected’ as a means to invest in another to be or not be something. When they fulfil our (arrogantly placed) expectations, we can trust them. But is that really trust? When they don’t fulfil them, we can mistrust them which allows us to also stay protected from it happening again. What a minefield! My mistrust of the world has held me back from being truly me for a long time. If placing expectations on others is not the truth of love, then perhaps trust of the world comes first from a knowing of who I truly am. In this knowing I am trusting that my experience of life may not be perfect, but I am enough. Whatever happens I can come back to love and I do not have to fear.
‘This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies…’ It is amazing just how when we are most connected to ourselves in our bodies that we can feel so connected to and have an understanding of others.
Exactly Michael. when we are most connected to ourselves in our bodies we are able to read and feel others from a place of truth rather than from a guard or protection. Sharon’s experience is a truly gorgeous example of this.
Oh yes Michael, it changes the whole picture – being connected to the beauty and inner expanse of one’s own body. The understanding is limitless, without judgment, and the joy of knowing that we are all Sons of God cannot be contained.
This is beautiful, I realised lately that lots of the hesitation to connect with people is based on the lack of trust. Which does reflect the lack of trust I created in my own feelings, now I realised this I can feel that it is not needed anymore. So great reading your blog on trust, it is right on time.
We have lived so long in dismissing what we feel that we have established a foundation of not trusting ourselves. And why would we when we dismiss ourselves so regularly? Now having come back to listening to ourselves we are building a consistency in this direction instead, which we are beginning to trust again. It is totally possible to heal trust issues through connecting with ourselves and living from here as consistently as possible as Sharon, and so many other people who have commented here, have shared.
“Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life,…” I am so with you on this one Sharon. Living with my father and with 4 brothers I became wary of men. The gentleness of the male practitioners of Esoteric Medicine has shown me that men can be gentle tender and loving, so that I am now more open to men than previously.
What a lovely turn of event Sharon. The men I knew when growing up were mostly absent or too busy to pay attention to me. Even with my partner I never felt quite on the same footing. Through Universal Medicine I came to realise that I had put men on a pedestal, out of reach due to my own lack of self-esteem. Now I see men as complementing the role of women, in equal partnership.
The cloak of illusion we place over the men we know hides the loveliness of who they truly are. It’s time to open and feel all that is there.
That’s right Patricia working together is confirming who we are.
Beautiful Sharon, this is very inspiring. In the past I have build up a wall of not trusting men, because of those hurts, ideals and believes.. Yet since I walked into the work of Universal Medicine, I started to see that I can not longer hold onto to hurts and old images. I felt to start trusting my inner heart instead of my mind where a little voice was constantly telling not to trust, but I did. I started to recognize my feelings and test them. I would choose things based on my intuition and feelings.. And believe it or not but almost every time it came out positively, I felt encouraged and empowered by my own choices , by following my own feelings again. This is the place were I allow myself to make choices from. There are still times that I had dropped my inner confidence and I would end of feeling mistrusty, but I could feel that this was simply a choice again and I could just go back to my own inner-trust. In there I got no mistrust and I simply trust men.
I love this Sharon, ‘Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day’, I have felt this in the past, that I can trust this person, i am also aware of all of the do’s and don’ts, ‘don’t give lifts to strangers’, ‘don’t speak to strangers’, etc. etc. all of these rules can stop our trust in our natural ability to feel and our knowing of when something feels ok and when something does not. I know children that are scared of anyone they don’t know especially men because it has been told to them by their parents and by society not to trust ‘strangers’ and so they do not use their feelings and knowing, this seems such a shame for the children and adults that do not get to connect with each other because of this suspicion and mistrust.
When my daughter was younger we often travelled by train and she made some lovely connections with other passengers, often older men who felt, to me, like they were missing the joy of interaction with a young child in their everyday lives. After starting school and being told not to talk to strangers she refused to speak to the next person who tried to interact with her on a train and I could see the look of sadness but also acceptance on the face of this man. Afterwards we discussed that just because you don’t know someone doesn’t make them a threat and I encouraged her to be discerning of strangers but I received criticism from others for some of the things I allowed her to do growing up and this feels to me like a sad reflection of the general lack of trust we have of each other and also of our children’s ability to feel if other people are trustworthy.
What I love in reading this, Sharon is that your experience shows how life is so amazing in presenting to us what it is we need to learn or be confirmed in every moment. And I agree Serge Benhayon is the most trustworthy man I know as well as his sons and the many men, who have been inspired by him and I have met at Universal Medicine events over the years. It is beautiful to witness the changes in the men and women as relationships between all of us became more open and intimate. Thank you.
I agree jsnelgrove36, Serge Benhayon has offered all that he comes across a true understanding of why we mis-trust and the way forward to re-building trust within ourselves and outwardly again with others. His unwavering consistency is the benchmark to what is a true way of living and stories like Sharon’s confirms that when we trust ourselves and our discernment, beautiful experiences occur – even with someone we considered a stranger.
When we do not trust we walk around in a heightened state of fear – we are on a hair trigger and it gets activated by something as simple as a look, innocent or not. It casts a pall over our vision, making anyone and everyone look like the enemy, to such an extent that there are no people in our lives other than enemies. We do not just apply this fear to strangers. Everyone is tainted with the brush of our mistrust, until of course they prove themselves. But I can they ever do enough?
Could it be that our trust issues are not with others at all? Is it in fact the case that they are with ourselves having disconnected to our full awareness of all life and our innate ability to know what is motivating people?
The truth is that no one can prove themselves worthy of trust. The issues we hold about trust are inside of us. They are for us to deal with.
And developing trust does not mean that we make best friends with axe murderers! It means that we always discern, we always stop to feel and back our feelings to the hilt.
Rachel you’ve just hit the proverbial nail on the head of what I have been observing lately. Often in my work I have to cold (or luke warm!) call people or when I am walking down the street and I approach a stranger to ask for directions, help, pass on a few words – I notice how many people are on guard. They are very wary of you – and within seconds of explaining who you are and why you are making contact, most people drop the guard and then the conversation happens. But we are – as you say – on hair trigger. There is a lot to say about this topic and I love the question that you raise – but for now – by walking around on hair-trigger we are holding so much tension in our bodies and as it is not our natural state, we are asking our bodies to take on this tension. No wonder we are so tired all the time.
This is so true, is is not natural for us to be walking around on trigger alert and this would be a continuous strain on our bodies. It is rather sad that often our default position is mistrust until proven trustworthy. As you say Rachel it is for us to heal the mistrust we have of ourselves, and honour that we do know what we feel in any given situation, and trust that.
This is so the case Sarah and Rachel. WE are in such anxiousness and tension as a race that our nervous systems are continually held in ‘fight and flight’ mode so that anything or anyone that approaches is held from this stance. people do visibly relax in a few moments but that damaging hold to heart, vascular system, nervous system and hence the whole body is doing its job of closing us down that powerful, inter-connective Love that we are.
So true Sarah. It is exhausting to be perennially defensive, when with access to our discernment we are all able to simply read a person and know their agendas and non-agendas.
Rachel – this is perfectly and precisely expressed. If I read a person or situation then there is nothing that can happen that affects my trust, because I have full awareness, appreciation and understanding of what is happening – this awareness builds my trust in myself – which then, by absolute default, builds my trust in others. You are so correct. It is the trust in ourselves that is the catalyst for our trust in others, as it is that if we mistrust ourselves we will always mistrust others.
Brilliant wrap up Ottobathurst. When we give up on our ability to read a person or a situation we are “all at sea”, and everything that happens feels like a completely random event, springing from nowhere. What a frightening way to live! No wonder we end up trusting no one.
It is exhausting and demoralising to have lost touch with our capacity to read and bring understanding – we are trying to live our lives in the complete absence of not just one of our senses, but the most important of our senses – the capacity to read energy.
It is in the restoration of that sense that we rebuild trust. It is, pardon the pun, a trusty tool, for when it is in full operation there is nothing that cannot be known.
Love what you have written Rachel Mascord. And without wishing to take it round and round in circles, I feel that actually my ability to read people and a situation is itself rooted in trust. In that, I actually can read and always have been able to – the issue is more to do with me trusting what I am reading and then having the trust to follow through on that reading. So many zillions of times, I have felt something, not trusted myself and over-ridden it. This is not always the problem – often my over-riding is a conscious choice to deny what I have felt…but that is another story!
Sharon this is so inspiring to read of the trust you have re-turned to in yourself and thus in others. There is a feeling of beautiful fullness in your body expressed through your writing. I wholeheartedly agree that Serge Benhayon is the most trustworthy man I know, as many others will confirm, men and women alike who have attended his presentations or been fortunate enough to meet him.
“Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again”.
Not only is he a great role model for women, helping them to reestablish their trust of men, but for men too in being a tender, open, loving and strong role model for us in these somewhat confused times. The end result is that we too can learn to trust and express our own tenderness.
Yes. For me as a man, what Serge Benhayon has shown me is that I can trust myself, that I, just me, pure me, is not only enough – but is actually everything. Having been so riddled with ideals, roles, masks, belief systems, this has been a gigantic journey for me. I am still not there. A fact that is best illustrated by the fact that Serge trusts me more than I trust myself. But I am getting there. I am able more and more to trust myself, to value myself in my absolute bare simplicity. And I know, from the women in my life, that it is through this trust of myself that they have then been able to trust me.
Dear Sharon,
This is beautiful for it not only shows that you trust men again. I also feel that it presents another trust, that of yourself and your body.
I agree Leigh. Trust first starts with trusting ourselves and what we feel, and only then can we begin to truly trust situations and people because we can read them clearly.
That’s pretty cool Sharon maybe it’s yourself you have learnt to trust again as well as men. Trusting yourself to discern that this man could be trusted to give a lift.
A great point, Margaret, having trust in oneself is actually a huge thing. Trusting that we can discern the truth, trusting our own ability to discern when we can trust someone who is a stranger. For so many of us, it is hard to trust ourselves, which is crazy.
I get the sense that relearning a basic trust for both men and women is essential in life, for me the key to this is understanding, when I start to understand where a person is coming from it takes the sting out of whatever action they are doing that may hurt me or others. Because the truth is we’ve all hurt someone and we’ve all been hurt, but where we go from here and how we treat other people going forwards is our choice.
And it is only possible to make a true choice, if that choice is supported with an understanding. I am seeing this more and more in all areas of my life. A brief pause, or a quick asking of a simple question to myself – “what else is going on here?” – can totally change my reading of a situation and thus my response. Or if it is ‘heavier’ or harder to see through, then a walk or perhaps just leave the email in the ‘Drafts’ box for a day! Whatever tool we use, it is so essential to have the openness to a deeper understanding. Otherwise we are are not actually making a choice – our choice is being made for us by our emotions.
I agree, deepening understanding is such a hugely important part of being alive and successfully contributing to the community we live in. There is always more going on behind the picture or the scenes than we see with our eyes, our willingness to see and understand everything that is going on is a big part of living to a high level or responsibility and integrity.
Well said Meg Nicholson. It is a choice going forward. It takes a real commitment and stern responsibility to continuously move towards that choice to build trust in you first. When you trust yourself by making that choice to love you your trust is known.
Yeah – any big change takes a big commitment. But it’s always worth it 🙂
Beautiful blog Sharon, it is quite interesting how we can live in fear from our own experience and the marker that we get in our body from that fear with the reaction we get in to.
It so happens that I just read this blog out loudly to my four year old daughter. I could feel the power of the words resonating both in her as in me. I cried when I read “I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.”. For all my life I’ve been longing to be trusted by both women and men. I am realising how difficult it has been to be in a world feeling that no one trusted no one. As I am more connecting to my own body and let go of the experiences that I’ve not chosen to express my own love I am more and more connecting to the beautiful and tender man inside. Slowly daring to show this once again in a world and even start enjoying it. How lovely is it to simply Love and follow the impulses of Love. The Joy, the smiles, the connectedness, the interchange of Love are just the most amazing experiences I am having. First is, was, every now and then and now it is everyday or maybe nearly everyday and is continuously growing. Appreciation and letting life in is key here. Thank you Sharon for the Beautiful gift you’ve shared here with us.
Floris – your response is fabulous; fabulous to hear the love pouring out of you, and then by scientific fact, pouring back in to you. And if your daughter can grow up without mistrusting men, her tenderness towards them will change the world.
Thank you Ottobathurst, YES! How amazing is that! If she allows herself to trust both herself with herself and with other – men and women – she will definitely keep on inspiring others all through her life. What a blessing would that be.
Two remarkable men, showcasing what it is to be true men. Absolutely glorious to read and feel the tender hearts and souls of you both in your sharings.
Thank you Natasha Ragen for appreciating and meeting us in our Gloriousness and Tenderness. It is so lovely to feel fully received! That is very healing and confirming for me that I am worth it to express me so open and delicately.
Floris – your expression is amazing and your daughter is blessed to have a father and friend like you (as you are blessed to have her as a daughter and friend)
What a gorgeous story. As a man, I can feel what a wonderful experience this would have been for your passenger. For us men, despite whatever we may present or whatever masks we may hide behind, are crying out to feel this trust and openness. And the crazy merry-go-round of it all is that it hurts us deeply to not be trusted by women. And from that hurt we then build the fortress and some of us even put gargoyles on the walls and scary dragons at the gates. A women’s trust, if we allow it in, is like a barrage of mega trebuchets – smashing down the walls of our castles (not quite sure why I’ve gone all medieval?!). Your passenger would have been deeply blessed.
🙂
Ottobathurst our patterns to not trust each other are Medieval… and the fortresses we put up are entrenched and are still being invested in and maintained to this day. The trebuchet is no longer in use but has been superseded by more efficient methods. Such is the long history of our protection and mistrust.
A big yes to everything you have written merrileepaettinato. The history of lack of trust is undeniably medieval; time to demolish those fortresses, after all we all want the same thing; love!
Universal Medicine has been a bridge to connecting and being present to the amazing tenderness and sensitivity of men. Many men and women and their relationships have suffered from the ‘fortresses’ that have been built. Your beautiful response Ottobathurst to this blog continues to ‘smash’ down the walls. Thank you.
You are right ch1956. Even through the honest expression of how this hurts us, takes off another layer of the onion skin (medieval to culinary..?)
Ottobathurst, this is amazing to read how distrust affects men. And I expect it can be felt from very young, as boys are aware of the hurts that women carry, and the protection that as men you endeavour to create as a response to that barrier to love put up by women. It’s like a crazy merry go round.
This blog is gold… what a pearl! It has exposed the underlying cause of “mis” interrelations between men and women. The vicious cycle we perpetuate as women by not opening up to men and mistrusting them, which in turn makes them feel rejected and put up defensive fortresses, which make women mistrust all over again. How beautiful is it then for women to open their hearts, see the beautiful, sensitive and tender man underneath and give permission for the man to be himself.
Yes I can say it affects a man in a big way. I sense it clearly when I’m not being trusted. It feels like an attack. Only if I’m solid and know where I’m at can I dismiss it. If I’m not I take it on, and shut down.
Rik, it is so productive to hear how men feel when not trusted by women. And to hear it from men who are not in reaction but just honestly telling it how it is. I really appreciate it. I remember when younger not knowing how to communicate with men unless it was a grand and passionate affair or relationship. I found men a slightly alien species who I had much fun with talking about politics and society, but with whom I could not communicate with on relationships and philosophy! I could feel a kind of shutting out, shut down feeling with many men which I did not experience so much with women. At that time, in my ignorance, I had absolutely no idea what was happening for men and how they had been through the mincer and put into the freezer by society’s ideals about what constitutes a real man. To discover this is so shocking and my heart melts with every man as to what he has been through.
It is beautiful to read the love in your words ottobathurst, thank you.
Love it ottobathurst, and completely get the medieval connotations! It wasn’t until I saw this lack of trust play out towards my two sons, and because of knowing them so well, that I saw how crazy these walls we can as women put up against men are. What does this do to young boys and men when women and girls look at them or make comments like they can not be trusted? I feel it starts with how we are with ourselves and also seeing what beliefs and ideals and hurts we are harbouring.
Absolutely Ottobathurst, I agree – not being trusted feels like a rejection of who we are as tender, sensitive men which we find hard to deal with and so we bring in protection. I love your analogy but feel our patterns and hurts can be even older than that. The beauty of the acceptance from a women being it can heal so many hurts and allow us to accept ourselves as being tender, vulnerable and sensitive too.
What you have expressed here Michael brings tears to my eyes. I can really feel what you men are feeling (what both you and Otto have exchanged), that not being trusted by women feels like a rejection of who you are as sensitive, loving men who are crying out to feel this trust and openness. The dynamic we have been running is so insane. Look what divine joy is possible between us!
Thank you Lyndy – having been inspired by another blog I realised I was holding back in expressing what I felt in reading your comment. The understanding I felt from you in your comment melted my heart. I had tears too. Male or female we are at our loving centre the same and connecting from our inner most, without that which we have superficially allowed to define us from the outside is truly divine.
I am with you all the way, Michael, with love Lyndy
Indeed methinks that battering rams may have been liberating the love that was there to be released from the inside as well, so it may have been a double blessing!
What you have shared here Ottobathurst, from a man’s perspective is truly lovely. Men are crying out to be met but gave up long ago and are now resigned to the fact that is just not possible in this world. Simple acts of kindness such as what Sharon shared serve to break these false molds of the past.
And it is the simplicity of heart-felt kindness like this that will open up the long forgotten ways of being in this world.
And whilst the battlements may look tall and the walls may seem thick, it is amazing how easily the fortress crumbles to the ground when love is breathed upon it.
This is so utterly true ottobathurst. I have witnessed fortress walls and intractable, seemingly unsolvable situations just dissolve away in moments in the face of love and truth. This is the material of which everyday miracles are made . . . because everything is energy, and we have a choice about what we align to or not.
So true, ottobathurst. Coming to men with an already established dis-trust can be translated into rejection very quickly (even immediately), the one thing that hurts men the most. This exposes how a woman’s own dis-trust issue can be taken very personally, even when it is not.
I agree ottobathurst and feel how much as a society we have many fortresses and many fears stopping people connecting. It can appear to be such a scary place with feeling of dragons and dungeons and fortresses but we have put all these things up ourselves over time, as Sharon is sharing it is time for these to melt and bring true warmth and that and connection back into the mix.
Love it Ottobathurst it’s all true what you say our mask can be anything we desire to create, enough to scare or shutdown our feelings and sensitivity. The most common is to go hard and use our physical difference.
Yeah. That is super common. I have noticed that it is in the chat, the banter, the niceties, the small talk. So much being hidden, not said and protected amongst those smiles and laughter.
Sharon, what a beautifully simple blog that shows the true healing that can occur when we open ourselves up to connection with, and trusting, others based on what we feel in our bodies. This rings true to my own experience in which I have realised that the ability to trust others must first come from this connection and trust in my own body. From this space and awareness of feeling what is natural and true from my own body, this allows an opening to feel what is true and trustworthy in another.
What a gorgeous turn around Sharon. Thank you for sharing.