Learning to Trust Men

All my life I have been frightened to trust men. I was raised with a father who abused alcohol, which made him feel quite frightening to me a lot of the time. I also watched a few too many episodes of ‘Australia’s Most Wanted,’ where men were portrayed as dangerous and appeared to do terrible things to women and children. This was confirmed when an older man tried to kiss me and flashed at me when I was about ten years old.

From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.

In recent years, through attending some Universal Medicine events, I have met some lovely gentle men and this has allowed me to consider that maybe labelling most men as untrustworthy is a little extreme. From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner.

Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life, although I still felt there was no way I would be open to trust men who I considered strangers.

Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.

For the last 6 years I have been redeveloping my ability to trust what I feel with the support of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities. I have realised that this innate ability was something I had when I was little, but over time I had turned it off due to not knowing how to handle scary encounters with men.

I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on and it played out recently when I gave a lift to a stranger who happened to be a man. Yep, you read correctly – a man – and one I didn’t know.

This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies and, after this, I was feeling very lovely. As I left I met an older man (just to clarify, maybe 10 or so years older than me) who asked for directions as he had got off at the wrong bus stop. I happily used my phone to give him directions and, after realising it was a 20 minute walk and it was quite cold, I simply offered him a lift.

Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.

Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.

By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, Brisbane, Australia, aged 54

Related Reading:
Women Trusting Men
Who can I Really Trust?
We are not our Hurts

1,147 thoughts on “Learning to Trust Men

  1. I love how you just dived into the deep end with this Sharon. There was no dipping your toe in the water, you went head first and had a stranger hop into your car, one of the most potentially dangerous things you could do! I’m joking (but it is also true). BUT, I do absolutely know the feeling of knowing when you can trust a person. I’ve felt it many times, and I’ve hopped into cars before of people I don’t know, knowing I was safe simply because I could feel it.

  2. Thank you Sharon, it’s about allowing ourselves to continue to trust how we feel person to person, and not painting any one group a certain way because of one individual’s actions. I found your story very inspiring because I also have had trust issues with men, and I can feel there are some more things for me to uncover there about trust in general.

  3. This is such a supportive blog to read Sharon, thank you for sharing this with us. So interesting to note how one horrific or bad experience can easily cause us to hold others in mistrust. It is a great example that through healing our hurts and trauma this allows us to be open and trust the world and people again.

  4. If we lose this ability to trust what we feel we might feel the need to create another form of security which might come in feeling the need to do a self defence course, carrying some form of weapon to protect oneself, or what ever it might be. Or just keeping people at bay. We could secure our house to the max, buying insurance to cover everything thinkable. If we feel that is needed so be it but if we start to listen to what we feel we might feel what could come way before and not even go there. I’m not saying abandon security but there is a way to navigate through life where what we feel will lead the way and not the head that might be full of fears of everything we perceive could happen. Then we could end up in a safe house with high walls around it afraid of what might come at us.

  5. When I was working as a security guard for over 20 years I was proud of the fact I never got into a fight or threw a punch. At the same time I was running scared on the inside, even though I trained at Judo at the international level and had representative tournaments where I got a silver medal; none of this made sense. It was not until I found the presentations of Serge Benhayon that I learnt how to become a truly tender, sensitive and fragile man who can still handle himself if required. Life has become all about making a loving choice to be a divine example of what being a man is all about. No different from the women of The Livingness who are a divine reflection of what a true role model is in today’s society.
    So much of what you have shared Sharon is what many people today are caught up in. This is the false distrust of our equal brothers and when we connect to our divine essence our whole world is turned upside down as you have shared.

  6. The more open I am with people, the more I can feel their intentions. It’s not with a judgement – simply an observation which then impulses my next movement.

  7. I sat in on the last part of a men’s group today and I was so deeply touched by the way in which the men expressed themselves. It made me realize how important it is to honour men in their tenderness and to let go of the hurts that both gender carry towards each other.

  8. Just yesterday I was chatting to a female friend about the fact that neither of us have any male friends and it’s something we felt we have missed out on.

  9. For me what comes up reading about your lovely encounter is my lack of trust in myself rather than men and how there have been times in my life when I have overcome my innate distrust of strangers and just known that I could trust a man I did not know but for the majority of my life I have cut myself off from the potential of such experiences because I did not trust myself.

    1. So true Helen – if there is no inner connection with ourselves, how can we trust that which feels so separated, unfamiliar and nebulous and thus reliant upon how the outside world sees and approves of us of not.
      “….I have cut myself off from the potential of such experiences because I did not trust myself”.

  10. One of the many gifts of being part of a Sacred Movement group is my increasing connection to my body and allowing this to my guide through life. When connected there is a knowing of what is next which allows for a deep settledness and a quietening of the anxiety that has plagued me for so many years.

  11. I love this little story. Yes we need to be aware of the fact that in reality some people are not trust worthy, but definitely not all, and with our natural ability to feel the difference we can allow ourselves to be open to others in a way that supports everyone.

  12. When our trust deepens with ourselves and with what our body is telling us we will know who we can trust and cannot trust.

  13. I love how you bring it back to trusting ourselves Sharon, what we feel and following through on this, it really is the basis of how we can then trust others, men and women.

  14. I love this sharing and how it shows that the issue with trust is actually inside of us. That it is about trusting ourselves first and what we feel.

  15. How is it that we can hold half the population to ransom because of what two men did to us? We tend to do this because we have been hurt and as you discovered and masterfully executed, once we address and heal these hurts, we are free to be who we truly are.

  16. When we lose trust in ourselves which happens through the accumulation of undealt with hurts, not endorsing what it is we feel, and shutting down our clairsentience, we put the guards up towards others. Everyone becomes part of the false picture we paint and look through, via lens tainted and marked by the wounds that still fester within. Sadly, this is how most people live their lives.

  17. As a woman who was not trusting men at all, a woman who was very protected and even hardened her body to try ( will never work) to keep men out ( because of past experience) I know work in a place with many men around me whole day and i am now able to be very open and vulnerable and the effect is that I see them going back in there own tenderness which was always there but just hidden as it is not ‘cool’ to be tender..

  18. I can relate to keeping my distance from men. But since re-learning to trust my feelings and open up to men within the student body and of course Serge Benhayon. I am noticing how sweet and tender men really are or can be when they allow themselves to open up as well, which I notice does come out more as I am willing to open up to myself with them.

    1. I agree Leigh, since reconnecting to my own essence and observing men in the Universal Medicine student body also living from their essence (as tender, caring and loving) it’s been like getting reacquainted with men. Although I meet many men who aren’t yet able to live from the essence of who they are, I know that this is still who they truly are even if it’s hidden away underneath what they have taken on. If I feel unsafe around a man that’s something I trust my feelings on but I still recognise that we are all love in essence.

  19. What you have shared Sharon is huge, that you can have such a distrust of men to then being able to give a lift to a complete stranger. But I can also see how this can happen because as you say when meeting Serge Benhayon he is so completely open there is no guard at all and you can instantly feel safe in his presence. And this does help us to re build our trust in the world again.

  20. I really love this story. Letting go of what we have taken on that holds our bodies in certain patterns (i.e. not trusting men) and then using the wisdom of our bodies to discern in each situation what is right is so priceless.

  21. This is so true Sharon, with the innermost re-connection, confidence is very different in its expression – not requiring any false assertiveness or accolades from another, just to simply be present with the body and any old traces of self doubt begin to deconstruct and disappear.
    ”With the innermost re-connection, the inner confidence is the foundation”

  22. When we are in fear we have lost connection with ourselves and thereby our innate trust in ourselves. You share here, Sharon, how reconnecting to knowing truth through feeling we need not be fearful, just responsible.

  23. It is touching to read about someone letting go of a debilitating pattern in their life. It is remarkable that this turn about is so common around Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine simply because people are related to with absolute love, equality and honouring as well as supported to know the amazingness of their essence, connect deeply to their innate wisdom and live according to their heart.

  24. This is a great example Sharon of how when we heal ourselves within, how we perceive the world on the outer changes. With this example, it’s not that we don’t trust others, it’s that we have stopped trusting ourselves.

  25. Men deep down are the same as us, I recently did a course with a group of older men and when I walked in the room I was seriously concerned that I would be physically strong enough to keep up with all these strong looking men, but instead of them trying to outdo me they were super sweet and helped me the whole day. It really confirmed to me that we’re all the same, and life is so much sweeter when we support each other.

  26. Judgement can come in many forms and hidden in a pocket of fear means there is a pretty strong chance of it remaining undiscovered. Within every fear we hold is a judgement that is not true and to share in this blog where one has been exposed and released is amazing. The antidote has been confirmed. Just bring in more self-loving practice and the fears will drop away.

  27. As a society we need to learn how to say no to abusive and unloving behaviours without rejecting the actual person. For at the core of every man, woman and child is the essence of untainted divinity that cannot be tarnished by any ill behaviour. When we connect to this within ourselves, it is much more simple to connect to it in others.

  28. A beautiful story that shows it is never too late to let go of what we have held on to that holds us back from seeing the beauty that lay inside the many by no longer tainting them all due to the behavior of a few.

  29. What I have found that it is not so much about learning to trust men but learning to trust my own feelings. When we are young we naturally have an inbuilt radar that is able to discern men who are true and caring and men who are sleazy and untrustworthy, but we learn to switch this off as we grow up because we are taught to be polite and nice to people even though everything in our body says stay away.

  30. Men do a lot to avoid being trusted. And are indeed capable of terrible things. What they do, though, is the final result of other things that happen to them. It is easy to single them out. But how true is it if we do so? What are women doing or not doing that allow men to act the way they do?

  31. I learned to see that the foundation in my relations with men was not healthy. I was never really respecting them. I used them for my needs but not really being able to truly care and love them and listen to what was told behind their words. I became aware of this while studying with Universal Medicine. Basically all my relationships were not that true. Amazing it is to notice how beautiful my relationships with people are now. Open, loving and carrying and my relationships with men are so much changed. No demands for attention or other needs are there. As I give that to myself now this way the relationships I have built are having so much more space to unfold.

  32. The more I understand and stay connected to myself at my essence, the original and natural part of me, the more I can see that others are just the same and that helps build trust even if they can’t yet live the purity of who they are.

  33. We are brought up to think there’s a difference between men and women, but when you look into the eye of a man there is the same sweetness and tenderness and worldliness as a women. We are all capable of doing awful things – both men and women. Just the same as we are all capable of enormous amounts of love.

  34. It’s amazing the ripple effect of how we are in life – how by knowing a group of men who are open and truly loving this helped you to re-open to other men in life and not tar them all with the same brush of past experience.

  35. This sharing really highlights how, when we have trust in ourselves we will then innately know who to trust and who not to trust.

  36. You have taken a beautiful different new way in life Sharon. Men are not all bad, and you, as a woman, can very much support men to live more the tender, loving, caring man all men are. By expressing how much you appreciate that, expressing that to men and other women you support men in living the opposite of what society says is normal, which is not what men are.

  37. What a ripple effect Serge Benhayon is causing. When you learn to trust this man, maybe, just maybe, other men will follow. And it did. Just like you learn to trust that true love is possible with one person, many others follow.

  38. A beautiful sharing Sharon. Deeply trusting Serge Benhayon, as I do, has enabled me to trust other men too. The beautiful gentle men in the Universal Medicine student community expands that trust for me too.

  39. This is beautiful because it breaks the stalemate of “I’ll be love if you go first.” To be love unconditionally is going to change the world, person by person.

  40. It is sad how hurtings hold us back from connecting again with people deeply, until we have solved this hurting or left it behind. Beautiful to read how easy it can be to start and connect again.

  41. It is a beautiful thing to regain trust in our body and humanity. To find that we know who to be with and who we don’t. It is the sensitivity that we need to allow, and trust our own body that shows in every way what we know to be true.

  42. Being with the men who attend The Way of the Livingness presentations and courses is the most healing experience for any women, there is no tension of any sort. It is a relief and over time you get used to be with men where you can surrender the defences and protections built up through our lives and then when you just are with a man with that ease and love it is truly revolutionary.

  43. Thank you for sharing how your feelings about men has changed with building trust in yourself after a life long pattern of not using your sensitivity and mistrusting men. How simple can life be when we use this 6th sense and start to connect to the e-quality from men and women.

  44. My relationships with men are changing too and it’s incredible. I would run a mile if I felt any sexual energy coming my way but today I can observe it and remain in my body. In fact because of my willingness to heal as to why I attracted the sexual energy in the first place it is becoming much less in my life and so I am allowing myself to just be with men and accept and love them for who they are. It is such a turn around and I owe it to the amazing support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

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