Learning to Trust Men

All my life I have been frightened to trust men. I was raised with a father who abused alcohol, which made him feel quite frightening to me a lot of the time. I also watched a few too many episodes of ‘Australia’s Most Wanted,’ where men were portrayed as dangerous and appeared to do terrible things to women and children. This was confirmed when an older man tried to kiss me and flashed at me when I was about ten years old.

From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.

In recent years, through attending some Universal Medicine events, I have met some lovely gentle men and this has allowed me to consider that maybe labelling most men as untrustworthy is a little extreme. From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner.

Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life, although I still felt there was no way I would be open to trust men who I considered strangers.

Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.

For the last 6 years I have been redeveloping my ability to trust what I feel with the support of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities. I have realised that this innate ability was something I had when I was little, but over time I had turned it off due to not knowing how to handle scary encounters with men.

I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on and it played out recently when I gave a lift to a stranger who happened to be a man. Yep, you read correctly – a man – and one I didn’t know.

This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies and, after this, I was feeling very lovely. As I left I met an older man (just to clarify, maybe 10 or so years older than me) who asked for directions as he had got off at the wrong bus stop. I happily used my phone to give him directions and, after realising it was a 20 minute walk and it was quite cold, I simply offered him a lift.

Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.

Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.

By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, Brisbane, Australia, aged 54

Related Reading:
Women Trusting Men
Who can I Really Trust?
We are not our Hurts

1,247 thoughts on “Learning to Trust Men

  1. Thank you Sharon, so true, when we are trusting men, we are equally trusting ourselves — hence it is more the question: how much do we allow of ourselves to be with everyone (as men and women are in truth equal beingnesses)?..

    1. That is true, once we trust ourselves we can work through bad experiences from the past and don’t have to be limited by them any more.

    2. Yes very true when we trust ourselves we know when something does not feel safe or right and will know what to do. When we have only the ideal in our head of men being dangerous we judge everyone for the acts of only maybe one.

  2. Like a scarred and scared rescue dog on one of those tv vet shows, I can see I have been cautiously petrified about being close to people. There was a time I would proclaim how much I loved them yet not let them near me in reality. Whilst I have come so far since then, today reading your words Sharon I can see how much further my rehabilitation can go, how normal it is for us to keep others at arms length. But is that our natural way? Not at all.

  3. I have a similar experience with women who behave in a particular way and it is an ongoing amazing experience to be free of this stricture.

  4. Over the years, I am learning that the more that I trust myself the more that I don’t invest in having to trust another but allow them to just be.

  5. ” By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, ” This is pretty awesome especially when one considers your profession , what a knock on affect that will joyfully have.

  6. What I love about this is that it shows me that when we can allow our feelings to communicate what is going on right now we don’t have to rely on our past experience to judge a person/situation. I can really feel the lightness of that – stark contrast to the heaviness of going about the day as though I am dragging suitcases loaded with the past hurts and emotions just in case I need to refer back to them to make a judgment about what is happening now, and to justify the heavy loads, and the misery of carrying them.

  7. Lack of trust is a massive thing worldwide, it’s so important to know that every movement and every choice and every word we speak either builds trust or destroys trust in someone.

  8. Once we claim ourselves, know our own Godliness, strength, beauty, delicateness, intelligence and love, we only have to read men, and women, and understand, and then there will be no lack of trust, no contraction, no fear, just a knowing.

  9. Trusting men was something I too have overcome over the years Sharon and found the more I trusted and connected to myself the more open and honest I have become with not only men in my life but also everyone in my life. Once we confirm ourselves we then confirm all others and this has been a significant key for me and all my relationships.

  10. This clearly shows that when we mistrust, we have a missing of love within ourselves.. a trust that is missing because we do not allow ourselves to be loved, to be ourselves and to let out the love in our selves. Profound to let go of any hurt or protection we might hold – if this is to a man or a woman. As when we let go, we let ourselves be seen and there is more space to love, being love and being loved.

  11. Sharon that’s beautiful, learning to read again is something that the world desperately needs, at the moment many of us have lost our ability to trust and without reading the situation and not being able to feel what is true the worst case scenarios can often get played out – leaving us all short of that beautiful connection we can otherwise be offered.

  12. Such a cool story. I love how we each have the opportunity to heal whatever it is we need to in order to free us from the shackles we put ourselves in. It can be so simple.

  13. Beautiful to hear the beginning, healing, and end of your mistrust Sharon… the depth you let anyone in is a clear indication of the depth to which you are allowing yourself to trust and that will affect your whole life and everyone in it.

    1. Yes, and I am getting a clear indication that this applies to every aspect of our lives. If we are fearful of a particular outcome we energetically push people away, so there is no outward, logical reason why it is happening but happen it does and will continue till we spot the pattern. When it happens we believe it confirms our fears were founded and therefore cements them further, yet we are the reason our fears came true! Whoops – I shot myself in the foot again – pictures unravelling left right and centre!!!

  14. When we live from our past experiences we do not know the truth of what is in front of us, our vision can be tainted with unrealistic fear from the past. When we drop that our awareness grows so we can in fact feel the situation at hand this allows us to discern accurately.

  15. This is a beautiful sharing of how simple, supportive and engaging life can be when we are deeply in touch with our own bodies.

  16. This is a very important subject to raise, as many women live with this distrust lurking in the background of their lives, that affects their relationships with everyone, not just men. So to read about someone who has been able to truly heal this distrust is a beacon of light for other women.

  17. The fact that men and woman are so amazingly different and yet in essence so equally delicate and stunning is only known to me so deeply thanks to the presentations and living teachings that make up Universal Medicine. Also, the part men and woman play on a larger scale, I understand so clearly now, equality has taken on a whole new meaning.

  18. I agree Sharon, in the past I was quite cautious around men and would be quite shutdown to them if I didn’t know them. This has changed for me as well since meeting Serge Benhayon, I can now embrace men with a warmth and openness that has completely transformed my relationships with men.

  19. ” I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men. ”
    The beauty of this is that, men will now get the opportunity to do the same when they meet you.

  20. Many of us as women gave for so long their power away to men that it is challenging to stand in our own power again but very much worth to do so. Here we find out that there is nothing to mistrust as we feel solid in ourselves.

  21. As a man who experienced some negative events around women as a child and teenager, I had a similar suspicion and mistrust of women which played out and plagued all my relationships until with the support of Universal Medicine and healing sessions I could see more clearly my part in it and my choice to react to these situations and also the presentations and modalities of Universal Medicine have supported me to understand more fully and compassionately why human beings behave the way they do, including the energetic forces at play behind the scenes, which allows me to understand the bigger more expanded picture which has supported me to heal many of my personal hurts around women and relationships and now I also enjoy wonderful relationships with many women in my life, including my wife and daughter.

  22. As men we have exactly the same issues going on, and so we stand with our walls up, shaking hands, talking about work and sport but always keeping others out. Your words inspire me Sharon to see that just one of us deciding to open up allows the rest to melt and no longer harden up.

  23. Its the responsibility of all men to lead with their fragility, their vulnerability so the world can be re-educated and see that super tender side of us rather than the image of abused strength and violence that has been our calling card for aeons.

  24. I wonder whether we relearn to trust our sixth sense and inner knowing more than other people or a particular person in these instances?

  25. When we feel the trust return to us then we have become reconnected to our essence so we feel what energy others are living in. No judgement or critique as each person is living in accordance to the choices they make each moment.

  26. Yes men are easily painted by society as being scary, dangerous and so on, but this is just a few men that are so very hurt and empty that they do these things, not all men! But I know the feeling and I find it really inspiring how you let that go completely by relearning to trust your feelings again. Which is in the end the only way we can know the true intent of anyone we meet, be it a man or a woman.

  27. This is beautiful Sharon, imagine how men must feel being always eyed with suspicion of violence, I remember my flatmate a man, sharing he would always cross the road if he came across a woman walking in front of him, I was confused at first then I understood he didn’t want to be perceived as a threat. We most certainly do set everything up so we are all in fear men and women.

    1. This is extraordinary Vanessa. What have we as women been emitting to cause a young man to have to act in such a way? It is time for us to claim our loving, holding ways, to make a path back to gender harmony, and bring appreciation of the beautiful men in our lives.

    1. Ha ha love that Lucy, yes a most divine cycle! I have found that I can be very stubborn in letting go of said hurts though, and find a lot of us find it easier to stay in perceived protection over surrender and responsibility.

  28. I’m struck here about responsibilities – how the imprint of one relationship (in this instance your father) then has a knock on effect for the rest of your life. This ripple effect can be both negative and positive, but it is tangible and real and calls us all to be responsible for our movements.

    1. Indeed Simon, any act or interaction can bring that little spark that lights peoples day. To bring the responsibility to live in that way into your life can never be a burden.

  29. They say it takes longer to undo a negative feeling than a positive one – but this totally switches it on its head – showing how we can actually let go of past hurts by simply being open to the present. That is so huge – to break the whole construct of beliefs and to be open to what is next.

  30. We can learn so much from life and especially when we meet strangers that show us again and again that little other aspect of life we have been blind to or not been able to see. And with these interactions we enrich our lives to the fullness we all deserve to live it.

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