Learning to Trust Men

All my life I have been frightened to trust men. I was raised with a father who abused alcohol, which made him feel quite frightening to me a lot of the time. I also watched a few too many episodes of ‘Australia’s Most Wanted,’ where men were portrayed as dangerous and appeared to do terrible things to women and children. This was confirmed when an older man tried to kiss me and flashed at me when I was about ten years old.

From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.

In recent years, through attending some Universal Medicine events, I have met some lovely gentle men and this has allowed me to consider that maybe labelling most men as untrustworthy is a little extreme. From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner.

Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life, although I still felt there was no way I would be open to trust men who I considered strangers.

Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.

For the last 6 years I have been redeveloping my ability to trust what I feel with the support of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities. I have realised that this innate ability was something I had when I was little, but over time I had turned it off due to not knowing how to handle scary encounters with men.

I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on and it played out recently when I gave a lift to a stranger who happened to be a man. Yep, you read correctly – a man – and one I didn’t know.

This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies and, after this, I was feeling very lovely. As I left I met an older man (just to clarify, maybe 10 or so years older than me) who asked for directions as he had got off at the wrong bus stop. I happily used my phone to give him directions and, after realising it was a 20 minute walk and it was quite cold, I simply offered him a lift.

Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.

Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.

By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, Brisbane, Australia, aged 54

Related Reading:
Women Trusting Men
Who can I Really Trust?
We are not our Hurts

1,180 thoughts on “Learning to Trust Men

  1. And so lovely for the men you meet now to not all be tainted by those negative experiences. It seems a fear of men is so common, and there are circumstances where fear may be justified, but equally so many experiences that would be there to be treasured. Scratch below the surface and few men are actually scary, just in protection from the expectation of how they feel they need to act to gain acceptance.

    1. Beautifully shared Stephen. It is true, men get a tough rap as a result of the behaviour of a few and we would do well to approach everyone with a fresh perspective. After all, our cells change so often we are scientifically never the same from one day to the next so who is to say our behaviours and responses can’t also change if we take steps in the right direction?!

      1. Thank you Lucy, it certainly is true that many women I have met have been scarred by their treatment by men, and by the protective behaviours that men become enveloped by. What we all need is less gender battles and more openness to the innate love that is everyone at their heart. The magic is in the ability to open one another up and let go of those protections, hurts and deep rooted fears.

  2. Yesterday in the middle of a disagreement with my partner, I found myself grasping her hand and squeezing it tight. It was subtle you could say, but I could feel I did it in the same energy that makes tender, gorgeous men hit their wives. Thankfully for me, my partner knows this is not the real me, and helped me come back to myself. As your words Sharon show when women are not fooled or bullied into believing the worst of men, there’s a beautiful connection that can be there instead. All of this is possible when we honour and back ourselves, instead of giving in to fears.

  3. I love the quality, essence and feel of that moment when we realise that what has bound us in the past no longer does. The moment we catch ourselves saying yes to another being in full equality is a very special moment, worthy of great appreciation for what has been let go and what is about to expand.

  4. It’s beautiful how you’ve opened up Sharon and don’t now automatically transfer past experiences onto others but are open to seeing where they are truly coming from…

  5. Sharon thank you, I have read this before and when I look back I can see I have experienced immense change around my relationship to men. I used to be terrified of men and now there is much more ease and settlement in my body. I am still discerning but overall so much of my reaction to men has cleared and in its place now harmony, appreciation and observation.

  6. How awesome to read stories of people learning to trust again and to let go of old patterns and beliefs that have kept us all so stuck in fear for so long. No, the world isn’t the safest place and there is a lot of awful stuff that goes on, but fear attracts fear and so the more we can let go of, whilst of course always being discerning, the less fear we project out there. We all have a responsibility in healing our hurts because we’re all contributing to the state of the world by not doing so.

  7. For most of my life I lived with a level of fear around men too. Through the enormous inspiration and teachings shared by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been able to clear a lot of my hurts and past experiences involving men, to now having beautiful connections with men and really seeing them for who they are and that is awesome. Being able to read and observe life has been a huge help and brings greater honesty to the forefront of how i live life and how I interact with men and women. Thank you Sharon for sharing your experiences.

  8. When our fears our confirmed they come cemented all the more but whenever a fear comes up to our awareness, there is always an opportunity to address it, heal and correct it.

  9. I have found that when I allow myself to fully read what is happening in any situation I actually know what to do and have no doubt. When we allow that deeper with our bodies and our inner wisdom as you did Sharon it allows for this ability to read to be there.

  10. This is such a lesson for us in a risk averse society. When we turn off our ability to feel we turn off our early warning system and are at the mercy of appearances which are very easy to manipulate.

  11. Thank you Sharon for your inspiration and confirmation that we can trust ourselves to take a risk and get to know men who are in truth trustworthy. Having the connection to some truly wonderful men in Universal Medicine and as you mention Serge Benhayon especially can open us up to trust again.

  12. Awesome sharing Sharon. For most of my life I have kept men at a safe distance not being able to trust them. However, I was not able to trust in myself and I was not able to express my feelings which meant the few relationships I did have with men were never going to work. It was clear I had to work on the relationship with myself, and I have changed so much since attending the courses and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and like yourself, I can now trust in what I feel, and from this foundation, I can trust in life and all it brings and I can trust people again.

  13. “From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.” This discovery would be very freeing for you. When we can honestly look at our own actions we can set ourselves free.

  14. I can remember when my daughter was a baby she would cry when she was anywhere near two particular men. The one man felt rejection but I knew my daughter was clearly communicating with us that something was not right. It was later a few years down the line that I was able to read what she was feeling. The feeling had been there all along… I didn’t want to see it. We know as babies/children when to trust another but we can lose our ability to read situations for various justifications as we get older. Allowing myself to see and read is one of the best gifts I can give to myself and another.

  15. Beautiful to read how through meeting gentle men through Universal Medicine you have been able to learn to trust men again, and letting go of your mistrust in men has allowed you the freedom to openly talk and help another man, who you once would not have been able to do.

  16. There is something about Serge Benhayon that shows us what it is like to be around a man who is transparent. He talks what he walks and inspires anyone who meets him to do the same. That is a gift that re-connects us to our body awareness so we can learn to trust what we feel again and not brush over it or feel overwhelmed.

  17. I used to have a huge distrust of men but then I realised that it was myself I’d not been trusting. We all can feel in our bodies when to trust someone or not. I’d simply overridden that trust a few times and then been confirmed in my mistrust of men. It’s not others we need to trust, it’s ourselves.

  18. It feels to me that men get such a bad reputation just for being men. Of course some men do horrible things but not every man does and in truth not the majority of men so we have to learn to let go of our images around “all men are/do this or that” and embrace men for who they are in truth.

  19. I just love the synchronicity of God. A man gets off at the ” wrong ” bus stop just near where sacred movement has happened. And meets a lady who needs support in allowing men in , is this just not magic.

  20. Beautiful sharing Sharon, it feels like a homecoming when we are able to trust ourselves and all that we feel. When we trust we have this inner knowing and confidence that all will work out and everything that come our way, we are fully equipped to deal with.

  21. It is incredible how quickly the option is there to not trust each other and how it can take just one hurt-full event to bring down all the shutters of our hearts and to close them with a huge lock and key, feeling protected we then venture back out in to the world again – now somewhat weighed down by our huge shutters and their appending shackling locks. What brings this all quite sweetly back to reality though is how, certainly for myself and for many whom I have spoken with, we do tend to carry these burdens in the hope that someone will have the solution for how to get rid of them, how to open up again and to have love once again in our lives – which shows that the locking away of our hearts is actually not what we want or need or truly desire, that this is a reaction which we innately know is not healing.

  22. I very much like what you share here, as you show that we can learn to trust ourselves again, that we have an inbuilt compass that knows when something feels right or not.

  23. I have recently experienced a situation in my life that I realised that I didn’t feel a level of trust with a particular person. I had always thought it was there, but circumstances exposed that I didn’t trust the person. I now have been able to feel into why it isn’t there, bringing it back to a level of lacking trust within myself. This has helped to shift what I felt towards this person.

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