Learning to Trust Men

All my life I have been frightened to trust men. I was raised with a father who abused alcohol, which made him feel quite frightening to me a lot of the time. I also watched a few too many episodes of ‘Australia’s Most Wanted,’ where men were portrayed as dangerous and appeared to do terrible things to women and children. This was confirmed when an older man tried to kiss me and flashed at me when I was about ten years old.

From all these events I carried a level of fear in my body for nearly all of my adult life. This fear impacted all my encounters with men and I expected them to prove to me they were worthy of being trusted.

In recent years, through attending some Universal Medicine events, I have met some lovely gentle men and this has allowed me to consider that maybe labelling most men as untrustworthy is a little extreme. From these connections I have slowly felt more comfortable to talk, and even be friends, with men who are not my partner.

Being open to trust these men has extended and allowed me to be more open with other men in my life, although I still felt there was no way I would be open to trust men who I considered strangers.

Well, let me tell you, history can be proven wrong in a moment if we are willing to trust ourselves and what we feel again.

For the last 6 years I have been redeveloping my ability to trust what I feel with the support of the Universal Medicine teachings and healing modalities. I have realised that this innate ability was something I had when I was little, but over time I had turned it off due to not knowing how to handle scary encounters with men.

I am happy to say I have now turned my ability to feel what is true back on and it played out recently when I gave a lift to a stranger who happened to be a man. Yep, you read correctly – a man – and one I didn’t know.

This unbelievable event occurred after I had been to a Sacred Movement women’s group where the focus was on connecting to what we feel in our bodies and, after this, I was feeling very lovely. As I left I met an older man (just to clarify, maybe 10 or so years older than me) who asked for directions as he had got off at the wrong bus stop. I happily used my phone to give him directions and, after realising it was a 20 minute walk and it was quite cold, I simply offered him a lift.

Yes, I offered him a lift without hesitation as I could feel I could trust this man and that he was just another person who needed a little support that day. Needless to say we had a lovely exchange and, as he got out of the car, I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.

Learning to trust men again would not have been possible without all the support from Serge Benhayon – who is the most trustworthy man I know – the men who attend the Universal Medicine events, and the Universal Medicine healing modalities that have supported me to trust what I feel in my body again.

By Sharon Gavioli, RN, Childbirth Educator, Counsellor, Brisbane, Australia, aged 54

Related Reading:
Women Trusting Men
Who can I Really Trust?
We are not our Hurts

1,313 thoughts on “Learning to Trust Men

  1. It is totally freeing when we can move without any prompt whatsoever that would usually underline and motivate our behaviour. It’s very hard to break the long-held image and belief as they are often seen as the truth, and this actually feels to be a rather lazy relationship to have with truth as what we are doing is basically repetition that would not even consider a possibility of there being something different, another way.

  2. Reading this confirms to me how we taint the world and people with our perceptions and pictures, and as a result, keep the world and people at arm’s length. Then we are always on guard with people and then when the slightest thing that happens to indicate that a person is going to let us down we retreat.

  3. ‘I realised that I had let go of my lifelong mistrust of men.’ I love how you just responded to the situation and only afterwards realised this. I’ve had this where I just responded and only afterwards realised I’d cleared something big that I hadn’t fully realised I’d let go of. That’s the magic of healing one’s hurts and issues. What once bothered us now doesn’t even register.

  4. Thank you Sharon for sharing so honestly your experience with getting your trust back to man. Now I have one question: Could it be that you with trusting man and yourself so much more you also have got back more joy in your life????

  5. The truth is that men are innately very tender, warm and caring. The fact that so many behave in completely opposite ways is simply an indictment on society; on how boys feel so rejected by it that they get caught up in identifying with a role and behaviours that are utterly false. These ideals and behaviours become cemented by the time they reach adulthood and so the whole cycle begins again.

    1. Yes, this really is an indictment on society as you say Michelle. And, as far as I can see, it’s an indictment worldwide where women are abusive and mistrusting of men and vice versa. Our hurts fuel our behaviours when really we could stop and start appreciating the divine qualities we bring to each other when we’re not at war.

      1. And that’s the key.. focusing on what is there to appreciate rather than any ill behaviour that manifests. People are not their behaviours – these are just symptoms of their hurts. Cutting though all the behaviour to connect to the essence parks all that tension to one side and allows the appreciation of the innate qualities that are there.

  6. I have found it is always great when I see and feel every situation and meeting as it comes in the moment rather than judge or project on to people or moments based on hurts of the past.

    1. Yes, this is a wonderful way of living. To start afresh with every interaction and be open to the opportunities to heal those past hurts.

  7. This is a beautiful story showing how, with the right support, we can heal deeply rooted hurts. Universal Medicine has certainly enabled me to let go of so many, so many in fact that I have lost count. I feel so much more joyful and empowered as a result.

  8. ‘Never trust a man’ was the guidance I received fromm my Mother, her hurt passed on to me became my mantra. It took years to dissolve this belief, first I had to learn to trust myself again. With self love it’s possible to open up to the truth of who we are as human beings and never again blindly pit one group against another again.

  9. What a beautiful and simple encounter that offered you an opportunity not so much to trust men again but to trust your own feelings. This is what Universal Medicine has been presenting to us since day 1, learning to re-connect to our body so that we can feel what is true and what is not.

    1. Great distinction to make Alison. Not just trusting men again, but listening to our bodies and trusting our own feelings

  10. This is really lovely to read. Recently I had a horrid experience with a tradesman who were there to swindle me out of money. What was great was that my body was letting me know, screaming at me even in the form of tears and distress to not let him go ahead with some work. I got to realise this, not immediately as I put down my distress to other factors in my life at the time, but I did realise this. I got to feel how I could trust my body as I used it as a guide (how settled did I feel with the other workman I invited in to do quotes) as to who to choose next to rectify the mess and he did a great job.

  11. I didn’t like men much when I was younger – even though I am one myself. But over the past few years I have come to appreciate that there is a lot of sensitivity and tenderness in men. We have a great capacity for love and this is very beautiful to witness.

    1. “We have a great capacity for love and this is very beautiful to witness” and I would add live. When we become the love we innately are divides and judgements of others are exposed for the harm they cause. True love is without boundaries and holds all others equally.

  12. I am exploring how much life can be self-fulfilling. If we don’t trust, do we live in a world full of untrustworthy people? If we do trust, do we live in a different world entirely? But what I also find is that there is something deeper to explore too. There are two different energies to experience and choose from. One is full of presence and confidence, the other uncertain, insecure and anxious. Learning to choose the former through that connection to the body makes a massive difference I have found. It can be ‘all the difference in the world’.

    1. Yes Richard there are two different energies to choose from and expression is everything. When we expect less, this is often what we feel we’re been given (energy of lack). When we have no expectations but live in the present, open, enquiring and appreciative of what we have, we feel fulfilled (energy of abundance). Simply learning from every experience and receiving each one as a blessing brings meaning to life.

  13. When we carry a fear with us, we always expect the worst and then treat people as a result with that hurt constantly in our mind, and keep them at arms length, however when we drop our guard we realise that continuing to hold the hurt separates us from others and from those we love because we are always on alert, when we let go of the hurt we realise how constrained and controlling holding the hurt was.

  14. When we say we don’t trust men or don’t trust women it comes with a judgement which caps our ability to truly connect and discern.

    1. I can see what you’re saying there – as in if we project past experiences onto others then we don’t allow ourselves to truly see (receive) who they are, and that muddies our discernment.

  15. Whenever we mistrust people, men or women, it is a sign that we are holding onto our hurts. We miss out on truly connecting if we hold a mistrust with people based on our hurts. This is why I feel it is so important to heal our hurts as it opens our body up to express more love.

  16. This mistrust in men is huge and I for one have carried that around. Even after having experiences where you would say, rightly so, not to trust them. I have been able to heal and let go of long held experiences with healing my hurts and taking responsibility for my part in the situation thanks to the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom as taught by Serge Benhayon. Here we are free to feel and discern openly with all.

    1. Very beautiful Natalie, healing our hurts is very much needed and this allows us to no longer hold the rest of humanity at ransom but like you shared to be ‘…free to feel and discern openly with all.’ This is super important.

  17. What I can feel from this is how easy it is to form a belief and pattern of reaction when I don’t allow myself to feel and accept what I am feeling and instead bring out judgment to feel like I am in the right, and it is never a conscious decision but it can happen very quickly and pretty firmly, and I need that to protect my position of being hurt. And I am beginning to wonder, when I say I ‘trust’ someone/something, what exactly am seeking to trust? It feels like I am wanting a guaranteed response, unconditionally – and that is so not going to happen as we are all vehicles of expression. And so the next question is – do I trust that we are actually all love in our essence? And I can sense some cloud over that one.

  18. This is really lovely to read and has me reflecting on whether I’ve dropped my mistrust of men, but more so, of women. I would say yes, still a little bit of caution sometimes from old hurts before meeting new people in social situations as a kind of fantasy that I will not be liked and picked on, but the reality is, in person no. Perhaps it’s time to let go of these negative pictures I’ve been carrying around?!

  19. Beautiful to read Sharon how through Universal Medicine and the reflection fromSerge Benhayon you were able to heal your hurts and learn to trust men and what your body was telling you.

  20. Men who are closed down to the world and heavily protected are quite scary, but often underneath there is a beautiful person wanting to come out but perhaps too scared to show his true self.

  21. I truly feel what you mean and I can tell that from this sharing that much has shifted inwardly that makes you move in that way now.. being able to trust people (men) more naturally as you described. Which is actually so natural to us, we just need to be trusting of what we feel inside us, then there is no problem at all, also not in trusting men or women.

  22. Today I worked with a lot more men that I normally do and it was fantastic. I noticed that men respond really well when they not being imposed upon.

  23. Reading this highlights to me how much we can project onto others how we are expecting them to be according to our beliefs or past experiences (or what we’ve seen on TV!) rather than actually being open to receiving how they are in that moment…

  24. It is significant to realise how much our hurts from our past can still shadow and affect so many of our thoughts and behaviours today when they are unresolved.

  25. A beautiful transformation and testament of how healing is it for us all when men live in connection to the tenderness of who they are in essence, and how deepening our relationship with the sacredness of our essence allows us to develop a greater sense of knowing the truth of any situation as such living with power.

  26. Great that you have opened yourself for men, once more. Perhaps you have also learned to see that deep down men are just as tender, sweet and sensitive as women. We are that, but can also behave awfully. To that behavior every woman has to say no.

  27. The more we live from and honour our bodies the more we can let go of any old hurts and ways of being that are just not true anymore.

    1. Well said Elizabeth and so true that when we take responsibility for the quality in which we live, for healing our hurts, the impact this has on all our relationships and beyond is phenomenal yet feels very natural and honouring all round.

  28. That is very beautiful to read. We can build up a fear of the world if we are not open to it, and how we are actually deeply loving, sensitive people – and if we lived from our essence I am sure we would all be giving strangers lifts.

  29. I know this feeling, this feeling of being afraid of men. And I also know this realisation of how this fear is partly based on the views of others – that is, of how men have been portrayed – and also due to a few bad experiences which left me untrusting of all men, no matter how sweet and tender in their nature they may be. So in as much as it is a huge task to over come this, I feel that it is also perhaps incredibly simple, because there is already something there that is beautiful and actually quite easy to find when one is willing to see a man for who he truly is.

  30. Sharon, the healing that has occurred to allow for such a big turnaround in being able to trust where you didn’t trust before is profound and deeply inspiring.

  31. I love how natural it is to let go of our hurts to the point that once healed it actually feels normal to not have them influencing us any more.

    1. A few years ago, I would not have imagined this for myself. Today this possibility is now my natural way, having let go of and healed past hurts, I am no longer dominated by them.

  32. It’s beautiful how reconnecting with our whole body helps us to recognise and let go of imposing beliefs that we may have taken on; filters that colour our perception of people rather than simply sensing each person as they are.

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