I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within. I have spent most of my 60 plus years of life living from my head and thinking I needed to constantly be available for everyone else. My way of doing this was by trying to fix things for everybody, often because I felt responsible for what others did or didn’t do.
I used to suggest solutions to problems or issues and steer people to what I thought would be solving the problem without really connecting to what would be truly supportive for that person to gain a new understanding for themselves as to why the issue was happening in the first place.
I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.
I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.
This change in my approach started over three years ago when I began to re-connect to the truth of who we all are, as presented by Universal Medicine and in the book The Way It Is by Serge Benhayon. I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focussed on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all – in our inner-heart, our inner knowing through being with our bodies instead of being in our heads. In other words – JUST BEING who we truly are.
Over the last three years I have changed my behaviours because I am learning to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself – and I am finding that this allows others to also be with themselves. I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.
An example of this was demonstrated to me through a woman whom I had been visiting in a nursing home for some time and I was very close to. Previously I had tried to help by endeavouring to solve her problems as I felt responsible in some way – that’s the way my mind worked.
After attending a Universal Medicine retreat I became aware that to assist this woman the only thing I could do was to just be me. When I visited her and I stayed present with myself more consciously, just being me, then things started to change for both of us; her whole demeanour began to alter and her face looked soft, serene and pain-free. As I continued just being me and not falling into any old ‘doing’ or ‘fixing’ patterns, our relationship opened up and I began to feel a beautiful closeness and a deeper connection with her.
As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve. I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained.
I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.
This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.
I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body. The power of that connection is all that is required and by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am, my relationships with people have changed for the better.
How I have learned to do this is to consciously breathe my own gentle breath that connects all of me to my body (bringing my head in line with what my body is doing) so that I can feel what I am doing and be present in every moment with whatever action I am undertaking. As I exhale I feel the rhythm of my breath as it flows through me, allowing further surrendering in my body. I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Susan Wilson, Albury
Related Reading:
Using The Gentle Breath Meditation To Connect
Connection, Choice & Energy: Are You the Pilot or is Autopilot Running You?
The Beauty in Being Completely Honest and Just Being Me
Words on Serge Benhayon 
By attending the universal presentations and workshops like you Susan I’m learning to stay with myself and observe without the need to fix any situation and not be attached to any outcome. This gives space to other people so they can come to their own decisions and feels very freeing for both sides, the need to fix other people has long gone. When we start to heal the hurts we carry with us through many lives it allows a settlement in our bodies so that we are not living in the constant anxiety or nervous tension that most people endure throughout their lives.
I have been learning that I am not here to fix people, rather to stay observing whilst giving them space.
“ I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focussed on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all – in our inner-heart, our inner knowing through being with our bodies instead of being in our heads. In other words – JUST BEING who we truly are.” We have so many go-to’s for different situations to help, to assist, or support people in our life, but I’ve noticed for myself that has often involved loosing who I am. It’s sad really that we have such little focus on and nurturing of the true being (our essence), and we can spend our whole lives being a good person or doing good for others but it’s actually quite an empty experience without our true selves, and imposing for others as our essence, the love we are, is not present. Susan it’s striking the difference in the lady you visited when you were able to just be yourself.
Connection to our Essences, Inner-most-hearts Souls allows the reflection we bring to speak louder than words.
It’s a model of simplicity isn’t it, allowing the mighty communication of the soul to reflect to others who they are also, it’s a non-imposing way to share the truth of who we all are at a level that meets the senses and knowing of the being, bypassing the mind, and as you say, no words are needed.
Absoulutely Melinda key 🔑 indeed is simplicity
Living in connection with ourselves, with our essences, allows others to see and feel who we are in truth.
“… being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!” I love this. Staying with the body and ones heart, rather than trying to work things out with the mind, brings a settlement and inner ease over trying to improve ones life – or fixing others, as you say Susan.
I liked that quote also Sue, especially in ‘trusting the process of life’. I’m learning to observe and see the cycles people are in, and trust in the greater energy that comes from a God to bring people back to themselves in their own way and time. It’s ok to just observe and not get involved if there is no true call to, and focus on my own life and being myself, and learn from what I observe.
Absoulutely Melinda, and in the Observation in this way we learn to let go of any Judgement and Comparison and in doing so we also eliminate any karma we may have acquired through pushing someone into a way of living their body is not ready for.
Melinda recently I was presented with someone not being themselves, in the past I would have jumped in with both feet to support them and help fix their problem. Now I listen but there was as you have mentioned no call to interfere with what they were going through. Sure enough when I saw them the next day they had sorted out the energy they had chosen to run with and had come back to themselves.
I have been learning to not get involved, to not try and fix another’s life, to stay observing and true to who I am.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.
” This is gold. In this age of striving to be better, cleverer, more beautiful, faster, etc to appreciate and accept who we are brings acceptance, simplicity and also cuts out comparison. Very cool.
We have so many versions of ourselves & identify with so many things which are the polar oposite of who we are. For a long time i have been convinced that I am hard and harsh, i run this thread in my head and strongly believe it, I walk it, think it and therefore often act it. But when I see a picture of myself, one where I haven’t posed & somebody is just taken it randomly, I see the grace I move in & tenderness I reflect. It often stops me in my tracks & makes me question my reality.
Thank you Viktoria, I see you have had fun with “i” and how that me aspect can get in the way of being connected to our essences and thus feeling the True tenderness we all innately are, and deepening our evolution as we let go of the self.
Yes, the ‘self’ that parades as the true self but it is not. A cleverly designed replica in opposite to throw you off the true connection to the gorgeous and powerful being you innately are.
All we have to do is to live and so reflect this to humanity, ‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’
Acceptance is huge, once we truly allow acceptance in our life we can truly start to live.
Susan what you have written here is Gold
“I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.”
So many of us especially women feel it is part of their job description to ‘fix’ everything. Reading this sentence is a great reminder that actually it can be interfering because it doesn’t allow the other person to full understand their part in what ever it is that needs fixing.
Yes, when we try to fix things for others, it removes the learning opportunity that is there for them. It reminds me of when I kept cleaning up after my children, until i came to realise they would never learn to do that for themselves. It was interesting to hear their stories when some of their university friends hadn’t learnt that one, so didn’t know how to cook, use a washing machine etc. That shocked me as they didn’t have a clue how to care for themselves when away from home.
‘I have spent most of my 60 plus years of life living from my head and thinking I needed to constantly be available for everyone else.’ There is a vast difference between living from the head (ideals and beliefs) to living from the body and it has been a daily experiment for the last 19 years to discover what this means for myself. By no means mastered I am discovering the depth of love and joy that is available to us when we can make this transition – a whole new focus, a whole new way of seeing and being with the world.
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ We are unique – like the stars we shine – and like pieces of a jigsaw we are all needed to complete the whole. Trying to be like another destroys the pattern.
“This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.” Its taking me a long while to feel settled with just being me. But I’m getting there – and appreciating that fact!. Great to re-read your blog Susan.
Just living who we are in truth, being ourselves, keeps it simple, and supports others to be themselves.
Universal Medicine is very inspiring by the very nature of what it offers to humanity a way to live free of blame, ideals, beliefs or pictures and expectations on how life should be because we expect it to be that way. But do we ever stop to consider where these expectations come from? They are usually fed to us from outside our bodies. If we were to develop a inner relationship with ourselves the thoughts that we are driven by would be completely different and it is this difference that can be felt by anyone once they let go of the control they want to have over life which is driven by blame, ideals, beliefs and pictures we take on without assessing them and the damage they cause.
Choosing to stay with ourselves without outside influences, tricky enough for an adult but for teens and children in school peer pressure is huge. It takes a lot to withstand that. Community support can help hugely here – be it in the family or wherever.
I don’t know if my children will be totally free of it. The whole education system is an onslaught on so many levels and if a child is not supported within the system to deal with it (and let’s face it none of them are), the only recourse is to offer a home that is free of imposition of the consciousness of the education system and for children to be accepted and loved for who they are when they are out of it.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve” – this is gold, and really exposes for me how it is in my judgement that I identify a ‘problem’ and, in my reaction, drive myself into solving it. And also a beautiful reminder that our movement communicates so much more than words.
A great sharing Fumiyo, there may well not be a ‘problem’ for the other person, so what are we trying to fix, ‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.‘
Absolutely Susan, the reflection that we give another is all that is needed and from there the magic is felt and is transformational for those who choose to deepen the Love we all innately are.
Knowing my qualities, knowing what makes me, me, has changed completely how I am in the world and how I interact and interrelate with everything. I feel stronger, more self-assured, confident and content. It really did pay to get to know myself and this is still deepening.
“I have realised that when I try to fix other people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” It’s such a great blog Susan and so practical and relevant. I feel the line I’ve quoted here really explains the energetic dynamics going on in some of my relationships, and how I use my energy for things I can’t really change – investments in others that actually return exhaustion.
Yes these lines also spoke to me. We can’t make others change. They will sort their own problems if they choose to. We can support them however and have no judgement on them – or ourselves in the meanwhile.
Stay observing, with zero judgement, is supportive for others in a way that gives them space and support.
Thank you Melinda, and it can also be shared, as we evolve the “I” drops out of the equation and we start to align to our essences / Soul that innate-ness that drops the individuality and aligns us to the universe and the Love we all share.
Beautifully shared Greg, a drop of heaven to read, thank you.
Gregbarnes888 coming back to the love we innately are is the best medicine we can give to ourselves.
We are all bathed in heavens light and allow it to precipitate through us is a simple Joy that comes naturally.
All we need to do is take down the umbrella of individuality and let heaven rain through the body. 🙂
Absoulutely Melinda, and what would happen if we turn the umbrella up side down and allowing a bigger catchment area or is this another name for expanding our Atma?
It wasn’t until I came across Universal Medicine that understood what truly being myself was. I mistook, like a lot of people I suppose, that it was what I did that gave me identity and made up the me-ness of me. Now I understand that it’s the quality that I express in, the quality of the love I hold that makes me who I am.
Thanks for your comment Rachel, I particularly loved the term “me-ness of me”.
And it is this quality that can be felt by everyone and it is very noticeable, humanity has been starved of true love for literally thousands of years so when someone is expressing in the quality of true love they stand out this causes all sorts of problems as some people want to close them down and so hurl abuse at them in an attempt to run them out of town or get them to contract and some people want to embrace the quality of love they feel and are open to receive more. It’s all a choice.
Absoulutely Rachel, realigning to our essences makes all the difference in the world, to how we express and move.
Finding our feet in life so we start to walk in a way that confirms our essence is a great way to deepen the love we have for each other and thus allow everyone the space to come to their own realisations.
‘I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.’ There is a beauty in the simplicity of allowing ourselves to be ourselves, along with the warts and all, in full transparency and without the need to be perfect. In short totally liberating but in this we exude an authenticity that is hard to ignore.
This is a huge lesson of understanding for me
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.”
For years I have been the fix it up sister, daughter, mother, friend and colleague, now I am much more able to let things alone and not get involved becoming detached from situations is felt as such a relief in my body.
Thanks for your honesty Mary, I can relate having been available to “help” others and focus on their needs for a very long time. I find it’s a gradual unfolding with the realisations coming that what another is experiencing isn’t my responsibility and I agree, it’s a tremendous relief for the body because it’s not carrying what doesn’t belong to it.
This has also been a huge lesson for me to learn, and say no to, ‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes’. What a learning, I still have to make sure that I do not allow this old pattern to sneakily creep back in.
How very simple and beautiful, this stops all hard work of striving and trying; ‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’
So true Rebecca, as our greatest form of communication is our reflection especially when are re-connected to our essences.
Whenever, and I mean, whenever, I meet someone and leave them to be them and accept that I am me, there is never a feeling of expectation between us and there is nothing left unsaid. It is an ever-evolving exploration and a way of being that inspires me to keep investigating it.
There is such a joy in the connection too and in this non investment there is room to appreciate the all that the other is as well as ourselves – nothing more needed or to complete.
In-sights that come from the inside are always going to trump solutions from the outside.
What a great example that we do not need to fix a problem for others and also for ourselves! Thank you Susan for sharing how powerful it can be to just be yourself.
How powerful are we just being ourselves, and being present, ‘ I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body.’
I was watching recently how we love to constantly entertain ourselves, I was at an event that I had decided not to par take in and so was the keeper of all the handbags and shopping bags. This gave me a birds eye view of what was happening and I felt we have this desire to be in a constant motion of nervous energy so it is makes complete sense that we use sugar, salt, caffeinated drinks anything that simulates us to keep us going otherwise we would I’m sure just keel over from seer exhaustion.
This feels really important and makes me realise that we have a responsibility to be present with ourselves as this affects not only us but others we meet too; ‘I am learning to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself – and I am finding that this allows others to also be with themselves. ‘
What I am discovering Rebecca that there is a constant pull to not be in connection with ourselves. The law of physics is working in as much as the more I want to deepen and feel what t is like to be in my body there is an opposite force that is constantly trying to take me out of my body by using all sorts of tricks to get me to react and in the reaction, I’m no longer myself.
‘As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve. I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained.’ WHAT a transformation, Susan! So simple and yet so very powerful to choose to be and connect to all of you. Thank you for sharing.
How important is it to just observe, to not judge, and to accept people where they are at.
No amount of trying to ‘fix’ or support another who is not ready or willing to make their own change really works. So it makes sense that it could be very draining on us.
Jennym I agree we all come to the truth in our own way, we do not know the many paths someone has trodden in their waywardness. The one constant is our return to God.
Knowing that we are enough allows us to not be caught up in life.
It is so true that when we are ourselves, with ourselves, it is then that we live with the true power. Living in this way is never imposing as this power is one that represents the love that we all are in essence as such simply offers the reflection of our innate and divine way of being.
When I stay with my body, and allow myself to observe rather than react, I give myself space to allow another to be, without judgment or jealousy.
Beautifully said Sally – this inspires me to feel and appreciate the power of love and how love is only ever calling us to be more love, and always offers us the space for us to will it to be so and say ‘yes’.
Staying with our body, being present and observing, is very powerful, ‘I have learned to do this is to consciously breathe my own gentle breath that connects all of me to my body (bringing my head in line with what my body is doing) so that I can feel what I am doing and be present in every moment with whatever action I am undertaking.’
Often you can hear people say, ‘don’t know why I am tired today, I got my normal full nights sleep’. Reading this today opens my eyes up to how much can actually drain us during the day that we choose not to be ware of. Are we trying to fix people during the day? Are we trying to be something that we are not? Are we trying to please and fit in/or stand out etc….? When we choose not to simply be ourselves, we put effort into something else, to become or do something else, and that drains us, leaving us more tired. It is worth exploring how we are in life.
Sarah I came across a word that sums up how many of us live our lives looking out to the outside world for ‘distinction’ to be seen and recognised especially in the work place. We are all starved of being seen as the beauty and grace we all are at our core, so we look outside to the world for confirmation but the world is not set up to reflect back the confirmation we crave. So as you say we drain our energy which leaves us feeling exhausted so is it then any wonder we use stimulants of any kind to stave off the exhaustion but actually taking stimulants in what ever form makes us even more fatigued, because we end up in the artificial highs and lows of the sugar intake.
In an age where so many people are exhausted, it would be wise to see what we are doing in the day that maybe draining us, like trying to fix someone, ‘When we choose not to simply be ourselves, we put effort into something else, to become or do something else, and that drains us, leaving us more tired. It is worth exploring how we are in life.’
Being present and not checking out and losing ourselves in what we are doing, is simply gold. It has completely changed my life. I am able to work, live, play and not get exhausted, because checking in and being present means we simply care for our body with more responsivity!
When we live in the head or from the head, we head nowhere.
Very Funny – and yet a sober appraisal of a behaviour that is considered normal….that the head rules….great observation…one that definitely does not come from the head…!
The more we get to know ourselves from the inside the easier it is to live life from just being who we are, and through that we are no longer affected by reactions as we take what we see or feel as an observation first not as an immediate reaction.
Your sharing feels very relatable to me Susan. I know how exhausting is trying to change or to fix the other’s problems…but also how wonderful being honest with myself when I repeat this behaviour. Once we come back to ourselves, to the body we carry with we realize that everything is ok, nothing needs to be changed as in truth everything is already in constant evolution. Trying to fix things feels exhausting simply because is not what we have came to do, just surrendering to who we really are and be.
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ this is truly wonderful. So much in life that is man-made communicates to us we have to be more, do more etc. (ideas of what it is to be educated, what’s good, what’s moral, what constitutes success etc.)
But how amazing and how healthy it is to live just being ourselves. When I look around, there is nothing on this earth that God created that is flawed so how is it I have thought I am flawed. What if I lived my life from the premise that I, my essence, is not flawed and live from my essence out – rather than trying to work out and understand the many conflicting messages I get from the world as how I should be. And no, there won’t be anarchy or chaos but connection and harmony if we did this because we are all connected and I have seen this in action.
‘Nothing on this earth that God created that is flawed so how is it I have thought I am flawed.’ I wonder why we grow up believing that we are not enough when in truth we are super gorgeous, deeply loving and so sensitive beings. We have created a society that is measured by grades, qualifications, social status, should and shouldnt’s depending our age and gender…and so on. Expectations everywhere which leads to competitive and not loving ways of being with each other…really exhausting as I could experience. Karin your comment feels very freeing to read, very supportive, empowering and brings me back to the full appreciation for the woman I am. Thank you.
Letting go of trying to ‘fix it’ for others offers them and us to take responsibility for our own choices.
We are enough as we are, nothing to fix, nothing to strive for or create, just layers to let go of that we added over the top of who we truly are, to deal with being in the world. Letting go of those layers and accepting ourselves as we are, not needing to be perfect – an unfolding process and one to be enjoyed, to the max.
‘…without really connecting to what would be truly supportive for that person to gain a new understanding for themselves as to why the issue was happening in the first place.’ This is such a great perspective to consider for others and for oneself – what is already in motion that is supporting oneself or another to learn what is calling to be learnt? I dare say, more often than not, it is something that is considered bad luck and unwanted. I know there are many lessons I have avoided at all costs so only come to me when my avoidance methods have crumbled and with it my health.
We can learn lessons at any time and it doesn’t have to come to this unless we choose it. It’s not about giving oneself a hard time. Currently I’m facing lessons I thought I couldn’t deal with. I know if I don’t learn them the consequences will get more direct than they already are. It is time to surrender and allow the amazingness to come through and be felt, to know nothing is greater than who we are.
I too loved to read this blog again because my own experience completely tallies with what you are recording here. We complicate not just our own lives but other people’s when we try and fix things for them. What needs to happen will happen in its own good time and a lot more gracefully when we stay true to ourselves and the love that we are.
I love returning to this blog as it is pure gold. I’ve had the fix it bug all my life – totally all about making my life better and no care for the other person at the core of it. If I could ‘fix’ my parents then perhaps they could look after me in the way I wanted! And, I wouldn’t have to own the truth that their reflection was something that bothered me so much because I didn’t want to admit this issue in myself. There was no true care for them or loving understanding of them or myself.
Have I done this in my job – absolutely! If I could fix this person then I’d get the accolades. As if we can ever fix someone else. We are all equally as powerful and choose what we choose of our own volition. This makes wanting recognition for another’s choices crazy and discounts the will of the person being ‘fixed’. If I could fix this person then my life would be easy – it wouldn’t, I’d still need to deal with making unloving choices in my own life.
So great to see through this need to fix and return to living in a way that reflects a possibility to another they may not have felt was possible.
“I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained.” I love this and it is great guide for us all of how we can care for others but not get exhausted or drained. Letting go of attachment to outcome and just being ourselves is a big part of this as well.
Being able to appreciate a difficult situation as a learning opportunity is such a game changer. And we never know where our true strength has been lying hidden.
A beautiful post. “I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body. The power of that connection is all that is required and by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am, my relationships with people have changed for the better.” So why do we spend so much time, effort and energy trying to be someone else? Who we are not!!
When we stop trying and allow ourselves to come to the fore, we start to feel our essence and the other(s) and the need to fix changes in an effortless way of living, can we handle that life, can we be this way all of the time?
Annelies the word trying has a force of its own because when we are trying there is no surrender.
It seems quite hard to let go of all the behaviors we have or are using to shore up our way of coping with life and then coming to the realisation that we in fact need to let go of these very props and just allow ourselves to reconnect back to ourselves. It’s a bit like clearing out a cupboard discarding all the object that we have accumulated over the years but no longer need. When the cupboard has been cleared there is so much space and it’s the same for our bodies. When we discard all the ideals, beliefs and pictures we are left with the space and this feels amazing.
It shows us how wayward we have become in the mere fact that most people do not know themselves and that it takes someone like Serge Benhayon to come along and remind us of our true nature.
I have been visiting a nursing home recently and find being me is a real tonic for the residents. When I hold back from this there is no real connection between us and we just don’t share the joy that is otherwise there just waiting to be felt.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” Classic heh? I notice this too, it is a good one to explore.
I have had the blessing of coming to Universal Medicine, it feels like my life just has started.. Feeling what life is about – purpose, truth, brotherhood and living as much from my essence that I can. Inspiring others as I have been inspired by the Benhayon family and all the teachings by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon. For they have shown that I carry the exact same truth. That I now can start living again..
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.”
Do you know how many sales world wide would flop if we all know this – from young we get imposed upon from all around us telling us we need this and that to be ‘better’ – forget all that we are already everything – and when we come from this knowing we only buy what is truly supportive rather then falling for the insidious lie that feeds us we are never enough.
A beautiful reminder that just being ourselves is enough.
Every presentation delivered by Universal Medicine is asking us to return to who we truly are.
It takes all the drama and drive out of life when we just be us, and it allows others to do the same … life becomes so much simpler and so much more joyous.
And much less exhausting!!
“I have realised that when I try to fix other people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” Such a paradox: we believe we are being helpful and loving yet in reality and truth we are being the opposite. Conventionally it appears selfish and unloving to first ensure that one taking care and loving oneself first and lovingly allowing others to resolve their own problems, yet paradoxically it is the most loving way to be.
Every time that I attend a Universal Medicine presentation I get inspired to live true to myself. It is the most wonderful support that anyone can have.
When we breathe our own breath for us we actually give permission for everyone else to do the same for themselves. This is how true change comes about.
It is so beautiful and simple that by giving ourselves our own freedom, so we give others theirs.
What a position to be in, one that we have chosen, one that I have been deeply inspired and reminded by Serge Benhayon that I am just Glorious for being all of who I am. This puts all the trying and efforts in the waste basket because when I have been living like that I can feel the waste in my body and vitality. Feeling and knowing that I am everything that I will ever need to be is awesome and one I keep reminding myself of.
What an amazing confirmation that who you are – no more, no less – is enough. We can spend our whole lives thinking we need to be more this or that, but what if this is a trick and if we surrender and simply be who we are we have everything we could ever need – and possibly more.
The fix it mentality sometimes never seems to address the root cause of an issue, just the superficial.
When we live in connection to our Soul we live the truth of us all, reflecting the light of all that we are, the light of God and indeed powerful we are when it is the light of God moving us.
‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’ I feel the whole idea of fixing problems whether it be with someone else or with ourselves is exhausting and never a true answer for our problems, with our own problems we can have the same approach of letting unfold by observing and understanding what is happening, maybe we think we are in control but we never are.
‘Being me is enough’: we so often forget this, looking outside for problems to fix or issues to resolve, getting lost in the busyness and identification of all of that. That’s not to say that we don’t support others, but as you’ve shown Susan, it’s the way that we support others that is important: are we just ourselves, feeling what is needed, moment to moment, or are we stressing ourselves out (and the other person) trying to control, manage and fix everything?
When we stay how we think other people want us to be, there is this separation of just talking but not really connecting deeper, and it is this deep connection that we actually all crave.
In my experience too – learning to observe without having attachments or needs for things to go or turn out a certain way helps us to not impose on others and also to sense what is truly needed to help, and in that respond in a way that truly benefits everyone.
The only person you can ‘fix’ is yourself, never another.
Constantly finding solutions and endeavouring to ‘fix’ things for others is an imposition as it does not allow for an equality of sharing. ‘Being oneself’ and allowing another to do likewise gives permission for a spaciousness for things to unfold naturally.
Observing situations without feeling the need to fix what is going on and not being invested or have any pictures on what an outcome will look like is huge. We often want to come in and fix what we think is ‘wrong’. But we are imposing our beliefs and our pictures on others when we do this and this essentially is an abuse. Its not often thought of this way with righting wrongs deemed as having a ‘good outcome’. But are we really considering what are the overall effects of this?
A beautiful example that we can all always learn from each other.
Isn’t it beautiful that when we let go of our doing and fixing a deeper connection can be felt in the relationship with ourselves and at the same time in the relationship with the other. What is true is as always simple.
I think the thing with trying to just jump in and ‘fix’ something for someone is that we can lose sight of the bigger picture and not help them truly learn from the situation… It’s not that we can’t help just the way that we go about it makes a big difference for all involved…
Brilliant Susan – what a common pattern people, especially parents, fall into. It’s just pure selfishness to try to fix others and certainly doesn’t work, it sets up antagonism when we could be holding them in Love.
It’s crazy when you consider the amount of time and energy we use to be someone we think we should be when all the while the wonderful person we are is waiting in the wings for us to realise that all the other characters on stage are simply acting out a role. We don’t need to be given a script written by societal beliefs we simply need to turn within where the biggest, most beautiful script for life is there waiting for us to open and begin to read.
Beautifully said Ingrid. There is no greater way of being in this world than the way of our Soul.
Trying to fix another creates disharmony within a relationship which stems from a lack of love and the disconnection to self. Sense the loving connection to self and there is not one ounce of imposition towards another but an allowing and observing to be themselves to make their own choice or choices in life.
” I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed. ”
Life is very simple really
All we have to be is ourselves and yet we seem to fight this so much. Imagine how much freer we would be if we just accepted ourselves and stopped comparing ourselves to others. It would free us up to have a lot more vitality.
When we suggest solutions to others or try to fix their problems basically what we are saying is that we know better or that they are not capable to solve their own problems, which creates an inequality and separates us from each other.
I’m appreciating more just how much we can support one another by the quality we hold ourselves in and are with each other – for instance like you say not just jumping in to try and ‘fix’ something but to truly observe, engage and support in whatever way we feel is genuinely helpful, rather than reacting with an ideal of how we think things have to be…
It is beautiful to be able to observe life without needing to fix it. I am definitely not a master at this, but am learning the value of having this skill, because with it I am witnessing the most wonderful blossoming of the people around me, which is heart warming and gorgeous.
Like a ‘pick and mix’ section of a sweet shop, life has a million flavours and varieties to pick from. An endless array of ‘possibilities’ await – yet none of them are true, or come from the real you. It takes a while to let go of craving these stimulants and see that your essence has always been there waiting, underneath. Thank you Susan for supporting me.
Susan, I feel close to tears when I read your blog as I can feel how profound these words are, too many of us become exhausted trying to fix it for others, yet the answer as you have so clearly demonstrated is right under our very noses.
For many years, I sought what it was to ‘be me’, and I searched high and low, trying many different modalities, workshops, books etc….. But I never really came close. Coming to Universal Medicine, I realised that there is no trying/searching, that I am already everything from the moment that I was born. I mean who has not looked at a new born baby and seen them as everything? And that my ‘job’ is actually to let go of what I am not so I can live more of who i am. So after years of trying, I am re-learning to let go of that and to just be me, and the gentle breath is a very supportive tool to do that.
A deeply empowering blog Susan – to realise that there is nothing external to us that can heal us or give true answers – it is only a temporary fix and solution in the bigger picture of life and evolution.
“the truth of everything is inside us all – in our inner-heart, our inner knowing through being with our bodies instead of being in our heads. In other words – JUST BEING who we truly are”.
This is super interesting – because I always used to look to other people to sort my problems and it’s actually incredibly disempowering, it’s much more empowering to understand you created the problem so you can solve it – and of course you learn heaps in the process.
I love to explore who I am via my body’s movements. When we observe our bodies we can appreciate the tenderness, the details and the flow of our bodies’rhythm and in that we get to feel who we are and how vastly connected to the all. It then confirms how truly awesome it is to simply connect to our bodies and move from there.
I am beginning to understand just how powerful it is to just be ourselves, present in our bodies and moving with that presence, and the reflection that offers all others; that there is another way to be in this world which is your true self or essence.
Everything we need to be, we already are. Therefore we do not have to try to be anything for how can we ‘try’ to be something we are? We need to give up the ‘trying to be something’ and surrender instead to ‘what already is’ and let the beauty within us unfold out. It is a process of surrender that requires much focus but zero trying and the joy that is felt in the letting go of all the imprisoning ideals and beliefs that have held us captive for so long is well worth the effort. But do note, effort here is not trying (!) it is simply to steady commitment required on the path back home to our true self, our Soul.
What came to me after reading this blog was that when we go into “fixing mode”, which has been a very popular choice for me over the years, we miss the fact that we are all equal, we immediately make the other person less. Being open to knowing that it is not up to us to control others, is what truly allows others to heal themselves.
Could it be that the cause of the serious level of exhaustion in people is there simply because they are involved in another person’s issues and with that live the another person’s issues instead of living in constant connection with ones Soul that will never exhaust us?
Thank you Susan, I always enjoy reading this and find it a very healing experience. We aren’t really taught that our power is in who we are, we more so have beliefs in doing for others and doing good so to speak, so to be able to heal this and experience the power of you simply being you with others is truly phenomenal. And I appreciated your words about learning to let people be and to trust in what will unfold for them, that there is a greater plan for all and to leave them to it. Perhaps the greatest healing anyone could receive is simply to see the reflection of another being all that they are.
It is very beautiful to feel the loving process of un-doing of the way we have constructed throughout life times.
‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’ Oh dear lord, this was the story of my life for many many years until I finally realised I am not the one to fix other peoples problems. It certainly drained me of everything I had, because I was ‘trying’ to fix other peoples stuff from a body that was completing void of any self care or respect…so how much could I really be helping others?
Thanks Susan for explaining this so clearly. I have really noticed this as well that when I go into any trying or striving or fixing then it feels hard and tight and exhausting in my body but when I just let go and allow myself to be me and simply observe from my body then it feels almost effortless to do things and I can handle even tricky situations with ease.
We can make life so complicated, stressful and overwhelming when we try to be the fix it person or the person we think society wants us to be. Everyone benefits when we choose to simply be ourselves consistently because in a way this gives people around us permission to be themselves too.
‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’ I agree Susan, living in this way is very exhausting, when our movements become more loving and true we offer a powerful reflection for others to be inspired by.
So many behaviours that look ‘good’ on the surface and that are idealised by society show up as a form of energetic poison when we consult with the body – we may feel exhausted, burdened, heavy, dull, or have other symptoms. There is a simplicity to life when we can let go of how the mind thinks something is to be approached and instead simply listen to the wisdom of the body.
I can see how I can go into very subtly trying to fix things because I want everyone to be happy but it is at my own expense! Not attaching myself to an outcome but simply allowing things to unfold means I stay with me and don’t get tired or exhausted as I have felt in the past. It means I am also loving me and my body through being present with myself and not ahead of myself in the future.
‘This change in my approach started over three years ago when I began to re-connect to the truth of who we all are’. Connecting to this truth changes everything. It allows our universe to shine from within, and for us to accept the grandness we have walked away and start the return walk home.
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ Very simple Susan and yet very profound. I love your description of breathing your own breath. Its interesting that at times of stress when we most need to breath, we tend to hold it or breath shallowly.
This is a fantastic example of how just being us does all the work, when we try to please we are getting walloped through our own disregard.
I have experienced a similar shift with an elderly relative – the whole relationship has changed simply by staying present with myself, having nothing to ‘fix’ (simply dealing with what is required) and accepting them as they are. The joy of the Magic of God in everyday life and relationships..
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve. I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained”.
This is a great sharing, I can remember when I was a teenager going off the rails, when people came in and were sympathetic I felt ridiculed, while I liked the attention, it also felt patronising so I played games with it. However, when someone came along and didn’t try to fix things and just allowed me to be- it was refreshing, it made me have to take more responsibility for myself, it made me feel like I could figure it out myself and I knew they didn’t need anything from me.
Thank you MW, that is a very supportive reflection from the side of someone experiencing the “fixing” and how different it feels when you were offered space to be responsible for it yourself.
As that is needed is for us to be us, the real true amazing us.
We can sometimes fall for our own lie, yet the truth always remains, we are amazing and we are all God’s sons.
We can learn so much from our relationships with others. I too used to be a bit of a fixer. Its very freeing to realise I don’t have to do that anymore and that actually giving others the space to come to their own decisions is a win win situation.
“I have realised that when I try to fix other people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” How true this is. We can of course say how we feel about something and we can share our own experiences but if we have any sympathy for the other or any investment in their getting their problems solved we are losing energy and this sets us up to be a prey to more unwanted energy if we don’t re align and come back to ourselves and our own foundation of truth and love lived.
A great article and within it a great lesson for us all on what to do, be truly who you are and don’t try and do anything. This,”I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” makes complete sense and how we hold up or often generate more drama by literally getting ourselves in the way of something that truly needs to play out for us all. Life is about feeling or the awareness of what we are feeling and not about ‘doing’ anything. The moment we place feeling at the back or in other words the more we ignore the energy of what is happening then the more we are at the mercy of what is ever occurring in front of us. We can say all manner of things and yet there is only one true feeling and so in this it would pay us to truly hold markers of how things feel. Then we can never claim we didn’t really know what was going on as we had just felt everything.
Beautiful Susan, there are a million self-help books out there and so many talk about ‘being yourself’. Yet what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have helped me see is that this has a very literal physicality. There’s an energetic quality to the way we live that is either loving or it is not. Are we living the whole true quality of who we are and moving this way or putting it on the back burner for a rainy day? We know in ourselves how present and connected we are in our cells and it’s this that is the key to unlocking our health. The greatest medicine is living with the beautiful essence and quality we were born with in every move.
I used to be arrogant and assumed others didn’t know and I did, when I didn’t even know myself.
Now, I step back, listen, offer guidance, but allow the person to follow their own path and arrive at their own conclusions. To assume we know better, dis-empowers and this is not our way. We are called to support our equal brothers, regardless of the choice they’ve made, and never to impose.
That’s a beautiful unfolding of awareness Kehinde. The more we allow another to be and make their own choices, the more we get to really appreciate a whole new level of harmony with people and the power of reflection.
Assuming responsibility for another person’s actions or inactions is a movement that we adopt to make another person feel that we move in sync that truly masks the fact that they are not moving in togetherness.
I have often wondered if the fact we are known for being able to ‘fix’ problems means more people come to us with problems, that in some way we create the problems as a way to feel needed? I know it sounds strange, because they are other peoples’ problems not ours, but there is something we get out of it that until we let go of that need to be needed we continue to create environments that feed that need.
Well observed Lucy. The desire to fix others problems is often rooted in our own need to be needed,
It’s a great discussion, self is definitely on the agenda when we try to fix or unnecessarily help others, even though on the surface we are focusing on the other person. We may need to be needed, we may have unresolved hurts, or even beliefs or ideals that lead us to such activity, but the truth is always found in the quality of our body and whether love is truly present or not. It’s a huge area with much to learn!
Yes and one we need to be very gentle with ourselves around the unravelling of this belief and expression, because we are programmed to think this is not imposing but an expression of our love. It is something we may well feel uncomfortable changing for fear of either party feeling abandoned or rejected. Energetically of course there is so much love being expressed that it brings to our awareness (if we are open to it) the reality of never being alone, abandoned or rejected because we are held in that love all the time whether we are aware of it or not.
Here in lies an important learning, the greatest gift we can give another is space, and space doesn’t mean distance but it means allowing another to feel who they are in any given moment, and responding with love and understanding.
Absolutely Harry, space to work it our for themselves. We can hold the space in that moment but never impose. I am much more aware of what happens within me when someone approaches me for guidance and constantly have to work to stay out of the way.
The fact that we think that situations are a problem is because of the deceit we have been fed with.
Nico that is brilliant, the biggest healing we can experience is to simply be our beautiful essence, to allow ourselves to be who we are. This is the reflection we most need to bring to others, if we focus on the problem we are not confirming them in all they are as equal to us as Sons of God. It’s really just two people being in individuality instead of the oneness that union with the soul brings.
Indeed Melinda, when we focus on the situation we become part of the creation made by the spirit that lives in disconnection from the Soul, the oneness we all belong to, and when we do that we contribute to the situation instead of just letting it be dissolved by the glory we are when in connection with our Soul.
Why do we have the tendency to take on others issues like these being ours? It is ridicules but we do it a lot. Could it be that because we live in disconnection with who we are and in the ignorance of the fact that we live in a pool of energy, we live to a lesser grade that we ought to live and therefore are open for these interferences?
Great blog Susan your words ‘I needed to constantly be available for everyone else. My way of doing this was by trying to fix things for everybody, often because I felt responsible for what others did or didn’t do.’ When we actually let go of things having to be a certain way, or trying to fix things for people we all have an opportunity to learn from our choices, and the best way to help another make more loving choices for themselves is simply be a loving reflection for them to be inspired by.
Not having the need to ‘fix’ a situation gives us the clarity to truly observe All that is playing out or at least get a deeper understanding of what’s happening from which we can truly see how we can help… Whereas when we dive into something trying to ‘fix’ it that can be quite imposing and coming from a need to control…
Indeed Fiona, trying to fix any situation is not natural to us but born from a need to occupy ourselves with instead of to let the situation teach us what can be learned from it.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” This is it so simple so gorgeous, the depth in these words is profound if we live just being us – life unfolds to a whole other level.
If ever I feel my young daughters get caught up in the mess of all that is imposed on them from the world we have created that says we need to look, speak, act or be a certain way, not according to any truth but to a set of prescribed ideals that have little to no basis in truth, I simply offer these words to them as a reminder – “Be you. That’s all you have to do.” Life is so much simpler when we do not enter the wormhole of complexity that forever spins before us and beckons us forth into its whirl.
How we impose our solutions on someone is not based in equality, why would we be the ones who know what someone has to learn in life and how beautiful it is when we accept others for who they are. There is no problem solving around.
I can so easily fall into fixing someones elses’ problems and have been working out why that is. The support the blogs have offered me has been immense. It is likely it is still unpeeling in layers as I lower my resistance to the possibility that everything is just fine without my fixing it. In fact everything is in divine order without my fixing it and highlights my arrogance to think I could be the solution to every problem. What I have learnt though, is the importance of NOT walking away, not pretending not to see what is going on. I may not be the solution but I can choose to not be part of, or add, to the problem.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” This shows that we create problems where there are none as when we appreciate everyone, including ourselves, for who we truly are the answers are already known and felt.
I find this particularly with being a Mum, feeling responsible for making things better, fixing and organizing what my teenage boys need. Whereas when I do this they do not get an opportunity to feel for themselves what they do or do not need, a chance to make changes themselves, or work out and organise what is best for them. It’s amazing what happens when we be ourselves, no pressure, no drain and no imposing on ourselves or anyone else.
I spent a lot of my life achieving and striving for accolades which left me in a whirlwind of stress and nervous energy and inevitably took me away from my body’s true connection. I now get to feel the ease and joy of life from the movements of my body and how simple life can be when we take the worry out of what may happen or what has happened and explore life from living exactly who we are from the fine movements of our bodies. Being who we are is simply awesome.
Knowing that we are everything and that this is enough feels amazing. It is now our responsibility to bring all of who we are and live this with all others and they too will unfold in the light of our reflection.
Today I learned a similar lesson, whenever somebody shares something with me I go for the solutions straight away – this happens because of insecurities, solving problems gives us a sense of worth because we’ve done something we deem as positive, we’ve “helped” another. However, what does that do for another when we’re doing it from an emptiness?
I do know that too Viktoria, but have found that to stay in presence with myself and to only respond from that inner impulse that then naturally is there is the way to go too. No harm is being done, but instead healing is being brought.
“I have realised that when I try to fix other people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” This might explain the exhaustion epidemic we now have in the world because when we are not ourselves and alter ourselves for others we are ensuring that our own life force gets drained. We have to start with self-care and the more we take care of ourselves the less exhausted we become.
Good point Elizabeth, we have to consider this as the exhaustion epidemic is getting worse. What if the cause was energetic and the way we are doing things rather than what we are doing… it is certainly worth putting on the table.
When we constantly look outside for what is within it will always be going the wrong way, or worse, be totally lost.
There is something deeply nurturing about talking with someone who is just being themselves. They are not trying to fix anything, compete with your story to share a better one. There is genuine listening, and the occasional reflection or question that allows us to go deeper. Its subtle on the one hand, gorgeous and you can’t help but grow into the space that is allowed there.
It is interesting to observe how much we tend to take on feeling responsible for others’ problems, will it be our children, our spouses, people in ‘need’ or such. And in fact our only responsibility in life is to live our light in full to the best of our ability as that will bring in any moment that what is so needed to serve all.
Wanting to fix everyone in our lives is another way of furthering our own disconnection to ourselves.. a distraction that stops us from having to feel and deal with our own stuff. When we start to accept ourselves for who we are, then it becomes much easier to accept others, for who they are and where they’re at, too. All by turning the focus from the outward activity and allowing ourselves to feel where we’re at, and starting there first.
We cannot underestimate the power of true connection. It takes us out of just being human beings and into the knowing that we are divine beings.
On a light note I came across a great greeting card the other day which I love, it read ‘Be Yourself, everyone else is taken.’ So true.
I too have come from being the fixer to the observer. Learning that true support is living and offering a reflection that allows another to feel their own divinity.
What a gift we can give people when we drop the fixing mode and let themselves be themselves, and you be you, and then let the magic unfold from these acts.
It’s amazing the relief our bodies feel when we choose to stop, listen and support our ourselves. When we stop the momentum and or feelings of obligation to help others we can choose to connect to who we are and allow that holding quality to then allow the space for others to then make their own choices thereafter. Simply stunning.
I have noticed this as well – the moment I project something I think or expect on to a situation I stop actually reading the situation fully and often will completely miss whatever is really being presented to me.
Very true Andrew – so easy to bring our own picture to a situation, rather than reading it for what is actually going on.
‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’
Susan you have just uncovered one of the primary causes of exhaustion in women. Being available 24-7 for everyone other than one’s self is enormously debilitating – and harmfully idealised and promoted as the way for women to ‘do life’. Ladies, reclaim yourself, and your self-care.
If I choose to live who I am and all of me, I allow the space for others to be themselves – life is simple and the complications I have brought in drop away. Thanks Susan.
Great blog Susan. I would say that I have been a fixer and it is great to be able to allow others to take care of their own problems by just standing back and trusting they know how to do so. If they need our support they will ask for it .
Beautiful Susan – not only are others problems not ours to fix, ‘our issues’ are not even ‘ours’ in the way we think. They are just like a black cloud that sits with us, and we give credence and energy to. So they seem to be very real. But the truth of it all, is they are not, and if we are willing to let go of the identification we have made then these issues can dissolve and drift away. The root it seems is all to do with us unconditionally loving ourselves.
“just being me “….before coming across Universal Medicine I had not idea what these words meant. People used to say, “just be yourself “and I wanted to hit them (not physically and not on all days 🙂 ) but I used to get quite frustrated because I was like ‘who is me??? how can I be ‘me’ when I don’t really know who I am.
I had always been a searcher, searching for the meaning of life, our life’s purpose – why we were here and I spent years looking under many stones to find it. It was not until I finally realised that it’s not ‘out there’, that we are actually everything we need to be, it is all inside each and every one of us.
That we all have a inner-heart, a inner-most, that is divine and LOVE, and connected to something quite grand. And that to be me, is to learn to live from that in my own unique way. Thank God (and speaking of God, that we are all sons of God – equally so), for Serge Benhayon and the Way of the Livingnesss that is showing us the way to be our true selves. And to know it on a real, practical, every day basis.
I have come to realise that when I attempt to go in and help someone I am saying to them – you are not capable of making your own choices and immediately make them less and me more. This has been a beautiful blog to read as it shows how our presence truly does allow healing to unfold in it’s most natural way.
It’s like we just need to get out of our way in order to get into Our Way.
It is often very disempowering of other people when we step in and take over, in the mistaken belief that this is in any way helpful or supportive. Is it possible that, when we do this, we are only helping ourselves to feel important and needed?
Aaaaah gosh Susan – this is a learning I seem to keep having to return to. There is no thing others should do or way they should be, no safe zone, no security they should provide – all of this just comes in and seems strong when I don’t embrace and embody me. But when I do, I bring a quality and grace that naturally reorganises chaos into order, disharmony into simplicity – all without even trying! So wow, the order of what we’re here to do is so clear – honour and live our power, to the max, every day, without giving into fear and doubt.
What if there was nothing to fix, nothing we had to do or become and nothing we had to be? Life suddenly becomes very simple and so wholesome.
This is so simple and wise.
What a wonderful blog to read at the beginning of my day. Just be me.
This reminds me how much energy I used to spend, trying to fix other people’s ‘problems’, it wasn’t like I did not have a fair few things to sort out myself, but I got a certain amount of recognition from helping and would do it at the detriment to myself and my well-being. Learning to make self-care and self-love a starting point and being responsible from there has altered how I am with people, I still offer support and often we do resolve issues together, but I do not seek a needy ‘thank you’ or ‘yes you are good enough’ from another person. The power of reflection is significant.
To be ourselves and an example to others through the way we are allows them the space to self sort and find their own way.
And it takes many many reminders that all we need is to be ourselves, and that that’s all anybody actually needs. The reflection of someone surrendering to the simplicity of who they are is magic.
Being identified by our roles in life can have us being everything but what is naturally us in truth. Stepping out of these roles can leaving you feeling quite bereft. The beautiful thing is that around the corner there is more of your real yummy self waiting to be discovered.
I can imagine how the world would change if each and every one of us knew that we cannot save anyone else that we can only save ourselves. For me, finally realising this was one of the biggest catalysts for change in my life. It saved me endless energy, it freed me from the weight of a responsibility that was actually not mine and in doing so it allowed others the space to acknowledge that their life was their responsibility. When we try to fix something for others we are denying them the opportunity to evolve their own lives in way that is true for them.
It is very beautiful to live in a way that allows you to let go of any attachment to anothers choices and within that offer a space that allows people to learn what they need to in their own time without any judgment or imposition. There is a gorgeous surrender in choosing only to be responsible for ourselves and knowing just from choosing this, others are offered a reflection that supports them to do the same… when they are ready to.
Beautifully said Susan – I second everything you have shared here. Being ourselves is very healing not just for us but for those around us too.
Learning and knowing that we are enough, just as we are, is such a gift and such a powerful lesson to take forward. Thank you Susan for presenting this beautiful example.
The power of ‘just being me’ is well underrated. When we are ‘just being me’ we offer God to another and in this offering is the greatest gift of the remembrance of what truly lies within, A divine spark of God.
It’s so insidious this fixing thing we can have, it means we do not feel ourselves and where we are and we end up imposing on others, and trying to manage them and in fact it all just creates a lot of falseness with ourselves and others. When we can drop this and just be us, we give space to both ourselves and others in the most beautiful way, we just let each other be.
Yes this is key, being able to observe what is going on around us without taking anything on. When we are in this space we have a greater understanding of life… and less or no reaction to it.
Knowing we are enough, more than enough when we are being ourselves connected to all we are; this is all that is ever needed. It allows for space and simplicity and the natural order and flow in life to be.
I have also felt how when one tries to ‘fix’ or give advice even with the best intention it can be quite imposing on the other. I have seen there are many reasons we may want things to be different because we may see what is possible, yet we cannot choose for another. It is also the case that we are trying to relieve a discomfort in ourselves because we do not like to feel this disharmony. Often our greatest support is in our reflection, which offers inspiration.
There is such a simplicity and flow to life when we allow ourselves to just be who we truly are and can let go of the control in our lives with regards to the pictures we hold about others. So why don’t we do it? the answer is, we have identified as being an individual and indulge in the emotions this entails, for once we connect to the bigger picture of life we know there is a divine plan at play where our reflection is so needed in order to support another to truly evolve.
I was always trying to fix people’s problems especially within my family as a child, I hated any arguments within the family and there were many. so I would go round much like an ambassador to try to and appease everyone. It never really worked but it didn’t stop me from trying. And reading this blog I still have this tendency to try and fix, rather than just let everything be and going into sympathy helps no one. This is a great blog to read before going to visit my family to remind myself to just be with me and don’t try to fix anyone. After all if they had wanted to be ‘fixed’ they would have started to make different choices by now.
I needed to read this at this point in time as I can feel I have become invested in a relationship and I want it to be a certain way. In this there is an imposing and wanting to ‘help’ the other person but it is coming from my investment so it was a timely read to come back to just supporting another.
Great awareness to have MW, it is our investments in wanting a relationship or situation to be as we would like and so it is more about us than the other. I see how trying to ‘fix’ is a form of control also.
Thanks Susan, this is a great blog for me to read, and I have a few times now. I’m sure as we realise we are enough in our relationship to ourselves we begin to relate to others the same way. This was a great line “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” How true, this is awesome wisdom Susan.
Thank you Susan for your sharing. Interestingly enough I have just commented on a similar theme as yours so I feel I am being drawn to make those changes you both address in my life also. I know I have tried to fix things and it is draining and we don’t allow the other person the room to sort themselves! I can lovingly support but ultimately to grow we all need to be responsible for making our own decisions.
Thank you Susan for sharing your experience, I can relate to so much of what you have shared wanting to fix everybody’s problems ignoring my own responsibility and my own needs. I now understand more clearly that what is needed is me being me and bringing my presence to the situation and allowing space for others to really feel. If I am present in my body I will know how to respond when needed.
There is so much in this blog I would like to re-visit. I feel like you have offered me a gift to take into my day and then found as a normal. There are still areas of my life where I am trying to fix things for others, given them counsel or words of wisdom that will make their relationships easier. Yet that may not be what they are asking for or the response they actually need, so time to step back and just allow space for them to choose afresh and for me to truly listen and respond.
I knew from deep within that there was a simplicity to life but I could not find it until I returned to my inner essence through connecting with my body instead of only with my head, the thinking mind.
Susan, this is a great example of learning what true care and love is. Giving another space to feel where they are at while holding love for them is incredibly supportive. When we try to fix things we offer no way out of the cycle they are in, only another way to stay in their issue. I feel when we are trying to help another we are in sympathy for them, which is holding them less. It’s saying to them they are not enough to move out of the cycle they are in. By holding a loving reflection we say to them, you are so much more than this issue, you are all of this reflection – love.
Funny that Susan, when we stop trying to fix the world, suddenly the world meets us and we meet them and there’s much less trying all round. And to do so we do need to catch those ways we’ve trained ourselves to be needed, to ‘fix’ and in many cases it’s been a successful, albeit tiring way to avoid feeling ourselves and all that is around; so having tools like the Gentle Breath Meditation has been a great thing for me to just steady myself and remind me to stop and come back to the body and just feel me. That simple. Just keep applying it!
Reading this I realise that by us just being ourselves we can magnetically pull others up so that they just be themselves also… hmm this could then expose another reason why we go into fix it mode, as we don’t want to take responsibility and also don’t truly want others to step up.
What you have shared here Susan is very powerful and wise, a great lesson for us all, thank you;
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”.
Hear hear Susan to all you have shared. I too have spent a lifetime trying to fix other people’s problems, until the exhaustion caught up with me and I realised that by absorbing it all, I had come up with a convenient way to hold back the full and true expression of me, in the sense that if we fill ourselves full of the woes of another, and immerse ourselves in ‘fixing’, we do not have to stop and feel what is needing to be addressed within us. In short, rescuing others becomes an abandonment of ourselves. Also I finally learnt that as much as you may want to help another 1. You can only help those who want to help themselves and 2. You cannot learn another’s lesson for them. Sometimes to best support another we need to stand back and observe while at the same time bring our full expression to the moment, simply by the being present in the truest sense, both with us and with them and by virtue of this beholding, the ‘what next’ is then able to be revealed.
Thank you Liane for expanding this so I too can take this next step and be present in my full expression both with me and with the situation to see what is revealed. Medicine chest must-have!
Great reminder of just come back to the power and connection of being who we are, not getting caught in the doing or trying. When we are surrendered and connected with ourselves we allow space for others to do the same. In those moments the magic takes places.
” the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself ” this is an amazing gift and something so beautiful for us all to truly appreciate who we are and the simplicity and joy of this is beautiful in every moment.
What you have expressed in this blog Susan is such a beautiful reminder to just be ‘me’; divine and simple.
“I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” The quality in which we express our every movement is the essence of our divine heart and that is worth celebrating and appreciating everyday. Thank you Susan.
When we get caught in the fix it mentality we can get fixated on finding solutions that are not necessarily the true answer.
I too have found that when we try to fix things for others we are not only smothering them, but also not allowing them the space to support them to come to a greater understanding for themselves of the situation at hand. Just being ourselves and connecting to our bodies and hearts is an honouring and a holding of the space for all to grow and learn in their own time.
I love how you have shared of the relationship between being ourselves and power, as this alone breaks down the deceptive consciousness of what power is, as it currently exists in society today. That being that power comes from the things we do or what we achieve from attaining wealth, position, knowledge or ownership. In fact when we give ourselves away to any or all of these we are in effect powerless, as without these so called ‘achievements’ or ‘things that we do’ do we know who we are? Our true power is known through our connection to who we are within as from here there is no need to be anything else, as such we move and live in a commanding way. This is simply in honor of the love we all are in essence.
In the past I felt I was needed to solve the problem if someone was sharing an issue with me. Since connecting with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayons presentation of the Ageless Wisdom, I have a very different outlook on life and accept that, as you say Susan, just being me is all that is needed.
A great reminder Susan that our ‘beingness’ IS who we are. We have been misled so cleverly into believing that we are defined by what we do, say, think and feel. This set up keeps us from connecting with our inner most where the true communication about ‘what is next’, comes from..
The depth of our quality and the essence we bring is our connection to God, once we surrender to not trying or fixing, we allow the universality of the one divine mind to shine through us, all by surrendering to ‘ just being me”.
Thank you for the reminder to allow surrender in my body to the natural flow of what’s available. Trying to work it out is exhausting and headaches come as well, blocking the connection to a great awareness that is available with the surrendering in my body: life is simple, clarity is present and complexity isn’t present.
Susan what am amazing change in your relationship with your friend, and how ‘As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.’ … this is so simple and a testament to how you had come to that acceptance in you and of course then you can apply it to others. Life is so much freer when we take care of our part, being us and just let others be.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” This is what I have come to appreciate too, as I have noticed as I have been living this way, family, friends, colleagues are making more loving choices, so the space and my reflection has been an inspiration. All I have to do is be me.
I love this blog, thank you Susan. This line stood out for me “As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” This is something I have been realising recently is how much I have and tried to fix things around me, like I am a person standing in the middle and say on the outside of the circle is a family, work, relationships, food etc and I have been looking out trying to work on these things,or fix them, needing people or things to be a certain way, which often leads to reaction not observation, love and understanding, and forgetting I need to work on my relationship with myself – then everything around me will be what it is, and as you say there are no problems or issues.
This blog is something I can so relate to.Thank you Susan for the reminder that me being me is all that is required.
I love this blog, it is so inspiring. I know I don’t live me every second of every day and yet I love it when I do and it becomes more obvious when I don’t and slowly slowly I get to come back to …just being me.
‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes’. I agree with this and can relate to it. We must resist whenever it arises the drive to fix another and feel we know best. To be with another, listening, supporting, not judging or imposing our views are hallmarks for the ever evolving self.
When we live by connection to ourselves and in this connections to the all, we learn what true love is for another.
It’s the looking outside of ourselves for answers that takes us away from the simply stunning truth of our soul’s call and that is the opportunity to learn, expand and evolve from our connection to who we are and being all of that everyday. A very beautiful blog thank you Susan.
Great to re-read at this time of year – “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” Pausing before I commit gives me a moment to connect with myself and feel into what is truly required in any situation – something I’m still learning.
The whole world is based on offering solutions, we are conditioned form a very young age to take care of others before ourselves. It is totally refreshing and liberating to know that there is another way to live and all that is needed is to let go of those pictures we hold about the world and simply surrender and accept the infinite wisdom that is available to us all equally.
I too “am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within”. For many years I suspected that who I seemed to be and lived every day was not actually the true me but had no idea how to discover who that was, that was until Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine came into my life. That was one amazing day and one that I endlessly celebrate as being me is so much easier and way more enjoyable than living as someone that I never was.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” The simplicity, power and inspiration in these few very wise words is stunning Susan, thank you.
Thank you Susan, this blog is so supportive to read as I have that same pattern. After reading today what came to me is that the only true problem we have is not being who we truly are – all the other issues may in fact stem from that. Being who we are is so simple, yet it could be the most profound healing and reflection another human being could receive. Your experience certainly indicated that for both yourself and your elderly loved one.
There is nothing more powerful than me truly and lovingly being me!
I didn’t realise how much I still live by and have the belief of I have to do things for other people – maybe this comes from my need, or me trying to please – why I want to please others I’m not sure as yet, maybe it’s to keep other people comfortable and so I don’t listen to my heart.
There is a beautiful ease and flow to life when we remember that all we need to be is ‘me’. I go in and out of remembering this incredible truth, and when I remember I feel how much tension is held in my body when not being me.
There is definitely a “flow to life” when we are living who were truly are, like floating gently downstream, whereas living who we are not is like struggling to swim upstream while life flows effortlessly past us.
It’s great to give people space, for example someone recently was rude and aggressive towards me, so I chose to not be around them or answer their calls that night, as I knew they would be in the same manner as they had spoken to me. In doing this and not calling back to make sure everything was okay, I allowed myself and that person the space to feel. The next day they called an apologised for the way they had spoken to me. Often I normally find it hard to give myself or people space, this is something I am learning. I worry something is wrong, or try to fix things, I go into my head really, – when space offers so much more opportunity and understanding, and so much space to observe, reflect, have fun, and not take things personally.
Our task here on Earth is to re-connect to the great love that we are and let this love impulse forth our every move. In this state we are more than enough, we are everything and The All.
Yes, simply powerfully true.
I love your last line: ‘trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!’ It’s crazy we think we can fix people and fix life instead of trusting that they’re on their own evolutionary path and everything is exactly the way it needs to be.
It is in the connection to our body that we find our true essence. Staying present is not always easy as we often try to keep ourselves unaware of what is going on around us. But it is in becoming more honest by what we feel this conscious presence grows.
Just being me…. Sounds simple enough but even the smallest thing can have us doubt our choices and disrupt our connection to ourselves. I was with a group of people recently and they were all wearing black and I felt uncomfortable because I was wearing colour, I spent a moment with myself appreciating the fact that I had felt to wear the clothes I had on and they felt very supportive. These moments can serve to confirm us or contract us away from our own expression.
It is in living in connnection to our essence that we will live in full. It is this that brings true joy.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” When we simply let go, connect to who we are, the magic really has a chance to play because it allows others the space to feel all of who they are too. The simplicity of connection and the magic it unlocks is priceless.
Trying to solve others’ problems even if they ask for your help, doesn’t really help the person, because they are not choosing to trust in their own innate wisdom and guidance.
Thanks Susan, a timely reminder that there is nothing more powerful that being ourselves in full. The moment we have an agenda, that power is no longer present, and the end result usually speaks volumes for the fact.
“This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.” She was simply being a mirror – reflecting back the truth of all that you are.
Being the true me is all that is ever needed in any situation in life – this takes away any need to find solutions or fix another’s issues.
Being identified by our roles in life can have us being everything but what is naturally us in truth. Just being me in my body is my truest ‘role’, and from there it is clearer to feel what is next.
Life is actually so simple when we connect to the love that we are, while when we live in disconnection of this love we are handed over to the ideals and beliefs which are lived in society and actually do not belong to us at all. When we choose for a life dedicated to love we start to see that we are all equal and can make this same choice, but also that we all have our own responsibility in that and have to come to this same choice out of free will and cannot be forced to do so in any way.
I love the simplicity you’re presenting here, you’ve begun to let go of all the complication and struggle, and just make life about care, love and connection. Life really can be that simple.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” Such a smile came to my face when I read this. Step by step. One by one. This is how the world will live. One day.
I know this story all too well, and like you Susan, I too am working on letting that go. It feels so much better even to know that this actually is not my responsibility..even if I sometimes still go into the drive of wanting to fix something for someone, I know that when I do that…often it is more about me gaining something in return, whether it is hero status, or being seen to be a saviour or whatever. When I realise that’s why I’m trying to fix something, then it feels awful, as it is of no true support to myself or the other person, and then I come back to just being there for the person without imposing my ‘tool kit’.
I am also learning to trust that being myself is love enough, and admit that that ‘being myself’ is not something that I have done much in my life with consistency, then again it does not matter.
We think we are being so loving when we are offering solutions yet it is in fact imposing. What an insightful realisation.
I have found that accepting that ‘just being me’ a real challenge. However, as you so correctly say, “I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!” Living with and from this realisation is truly glorious.
I am discovering that there is so much to appreciate in just being me; I am also understanding, at a deeper level, that the choice to connect with and be me in every moment is mine.
When we choose to be ourselves in everything we do there is an inner wisdom that opens up, which assists us to know what to say and how to say it.
Everyday in our daily life and interactions with others we are given many an opportunity to simply be ourselves, no more no less.
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ Appreciating what I bring and reflect to others is key to supporting me in accepting that this is the case and nothing else is required.
Thank you for sharing the power of ‘just being me’ and with this I can feel how imposing I have been in the past because of my investment in coming up with solutions for other people’s problems and wanting them to ‘get it’ instead of allowing them the grace to come to their own solutions. As you say this is so draining but by focusing on our presence and trusting that this is all that is needed it takes all the trying away and allows for so much more joy and connection in life.
The simple and powerful message you have expressed here Susan is a wonderful reminder to observe and just be the true me in each and every moment; bringing myself back to that harmonious state when I err.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”.
Thank you Susan for sharing what you have learnt; it really resonates with me. It is so freeing when we are not constantly on the look out to solve every one else’s problems, as well as dealing with our own.
So basically we walk around trying to find and chasing a truth to life and all along it’s right there in our back pocket.
Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation it is for sure an undeniable healing ingredient. When we learn to appreciate ourselves life becomes magical as our self appreciation then flows into all areas of our lives.
‘I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!’. Beautifully said Susan. Trusting the process of life and that people will find their own way is a big one for me as I too was a ‘miss fix-it’ who carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. However the more I take responsibility for my own actions and state of being the more I am able to simply be present for others with all of me.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed”. So simple and yet at times so challenging. Thank you Susan, I am once again drawn to these words as a gentle reminder to be just that, me – and that is all that is needed.
Susan again as I read your blog I am stopped by “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” what an incredible realisation to come to. One that no doubt you felt as a kid and have returned to. One that we all loose yet all felt. How amazing is the potential for our society for all of us to foster maintaining this knowing for the duration of our life.
Just to be in conscious presence with ourselves, with our essence, is in fact so profound as it allows all others to connect to their essence as well and in that there are no problems to be solved, only a joyful life to be lived, independently of the physical state our bodies are in, that joy that lives within will always be felt.
What a beautiful gift this blog is Susan, there are so many golden gems to ponder on. What I feel to highlight is a timely reminder for me today; ‘ I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes’.
Susan Wilson, I keep coming back to your article and feeling how much this could be me or is me. There is a lot here for us to take away. I especially recognise my tendency to want to sort things out and thus can offer contributions to a conversation that do not truly serve and then can end up feeling tired because I have basically given myself away. “Over the last three years I have changed my behaviours because I am learning to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself – and I am finding that this allows others to also be with themselves. I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life”.
Thank you Susan – you offered the world gold by this article. This sentence stands out in every way: “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.”
In this way we do not only take responsibility for another, which actually is not even possible, but are actually not taking our own responsibility. So who is tricking who?! Awesome blog. True revelation.
That fixing of others you describe Susan is such a trap and one I know well, and it also acts as a great distraction for us to know and feel what is going on inside our own bodies, so a double whammy there, we don’t feel us and we take on stuff we don’t need to.
Well said Monica, I recognize that ‘ old’ pattern, for years I hit myself with that double whammny of not feeling myself and taking on stuff that was not mine, no wonder I always felt heavy and had no idea how to be playful……. These days my life is super simple thanks to The Way of The Livingness presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
The beauty of our own connection is the sure fire way to bring true inspiration to our everyday and it is our movements from our connection that have a huge ripple effect on the world as a whole. I love the simplicity of our choices and when we choose responsibility that commitment alone has a deeply profound effect on how we live, move and express in our lives.
“I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.” well said Susan, well said. When we take on other people’s stress, we naturally create more stress for ourselves which takes a lot of joy out of life.
Beautiful. Thank you Susan. It shows that being you is everything we actually need – and that by this choice to be us, to connect to ourselves – we give ourselves space to open up and unfold this gold mine we know and have inside us.. Then life starts to truly make sense and everything matters. When we are connected and knowing who we are – we can not but feel it and express it .. Hence the gold is lived and born again when we choose to re-connect.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed”. I know this to be true, Susan, and am aware of the level of responsibility we are called to, to live our true divine essence; that is enough we do not need to be anything other.
What a lovely sharing Susan, thank-you. I recently had a similar experience with a family member, where I chose to just bring all of me to them and trusted that that was absolutely enough. It was the most magical time, and opened it up for both of us to be much more open and allowing with each other, which felt amazing.
This is beautifull, when we truly let go and just allow ourselves to be, magic happens .. thank you for the reminder ✨
What I’ve come to realise is that by trying to ‘fix’ other people’s problems we are actually imposing on them as well as hurting ourselves! And that true love is totally detached from outcomes, it loves and is there 100% but gives people the grace to make their own choices.
It was great to read your blog today Susan because I have noticed how I still want to help and fix things for people and how this can lead to complication and confusion. As you say Susan “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” Helping people really doesn’t work and I can feel how arrogant this can be, and is a way of distracting from my own situations that maybe coming up.
Susan what a gift to receive from another, to know that you are enough being yourself. Right now I’m seeing and feeling how I can dismiss myself and I’m learning to step back, see this and over time cut it – there’s a way to go and yet as I see it more I can understand that actually my life if not about what I think it is at all, but to actually be me in all the situations I meet, that’s my no. one job.
It’s clear from your blog that I need to bring more presence to my body, to deepen that connection. A couple of instances have happened recently that have made me aware of how I can still take responsibility, as it were, for other people and then avoid doing what is there to be done, a way of delaying which only frustrates me and keeps me ‘out of service’ Taking responsibility for others is a belief held over from childhood that I know in my head doesn’t make sense but I am as yet to totally embody.
Susan what you share is incredible, you are a testament to how we can live when we simply choose to be ourselves.
It is very beautiful to feel how being ourselves is about just surrendering to and allowing what is naturally within us to be there and expand, and nothing else, no push or drive is required.
Thank you Susan, it’s a joy to read this again. I love this line “As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” I feel this is true for me too, as I accept myself and allow myself to just be me, my problems seem to dissipate. After all, the only true problems in life is separating from who we truly are!
Our way is quite simple if we allow what is true in us to lead the way. As soon as we go into our heads to try to fix things, we have lost it. My feeling is, that when we do this we lose the fact that we are all equal and we all have everything we need within us. As soon as we go into fix it mode it is as if we have put ourselves above all others. I have done this in the past. I have lain awake at night trying to work on solutions…exhausting because we are no longer with ourselves but in our heads, separate and aloof.
Understanding responsibility and respecting the choices of others is very freeing and loving.
My whole body dropped when I read this line – “I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” How simple is that and THE best way to live your life. But it has taken coming across Universal Medicine for me to realise who me is. An amazing being who is complete without having to do a thing and one that is connected to the stars and to God. As we all are.
It is so simple, but we can make life so complicated. It is just about the choice to be simply living who we truly are.
Just being me is indeed simple. But the world that we have created is set up in a way to make it as difficult and complicated as it possibly can. So the skill is in seeing through these veils of illusion and distraction and seeing that simplicity to which you refer. It has been, and always will be, always there. Serge Benhayon has armed me with the simple skills needed to see that, for which I will be eternally and simply grateful. Simple.
Well said. That is the skill needed to simply see what is simply there. To see through the complication and difficulty that is set up to avoid the simplicity. Simple heh :-).
Thank you Susan for a great blog, bringing me back to just being me. ” I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!”
Thanks Susan for the simplicity and wisdom
A great sharing Susan. I too in the past thought I had to fix things for others in some way and it was not until I came to the work of Serge Benhayon that I understood the harm that can do. I recognize that just being there to listen and support that person to trust and listen to themselves is the important thing!
Hi Susan I enjoyed your sharing of just being you and what it brought to this relationship. I would add that the words you offered about trusting the process of life could also be phrased, trusting the process of love.
“I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” I love this opening line Susan. The world needs the all of who we are that comes from that quality when we are connected to ourselves.
Susan, “just being me”. So powerful. In being me I have discovered I am naturally tender, engaging, vibrant and joyful. All ways of being that I would never have attributed to myself in years past. Another feeling I have had from being me is how much I genuinely care for others, how within lies this sense of understanding that doesn’t allow for anything other that complete acceptance for another. And the only way to keep feeling this beauty, is to simply choose to be me.
What a very powerful and wise lesson to learn Susan;
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”
A wonderful reminder to observe and not absorb, to be responsible for ourselves and to “just be me”.
‘Just being me’ can be quite a surprise once we clear the outer layers of ideals and attitudes that we take on in life that we think we need to be. Not a single ideal is required and it is so much fun discovering just who we really are.
There is so much to let go of in life, not the least of which is that we owe the world nothing but our love.
Thank you for the simple reminder and the loving reflection. There is a divine unfolding of life and staying with my breath and body is the way to surrender to the unfolding and be open to what is presented. Otherwise it is all about the stress and tension of the doing. Reading your sharing on visiting your friend is also part of the divine unfolding and surrendering as I am also experiencing a similar situation. And yes I’m discovering all people truly want is to feel the connection with us just being with them and none of the fussing.
I have learnt through many years of experience that ‘helping’ ‘doing for’ or ‘fixing things’ for others is a great disservice to all involved. This belief that I was ‘helping’ had me in the superior position, making the other lesser, which was very judgemental,and always felt by the other. I often thought I knew better, or could do it better, so I would take over, stopping the other person from ever learning responsibility or that they could actually manage on their own. The other person always feels the imposition, even when they are allowing you to do for them, and their annoyance/anger will be shown in some way, confusing the situation further as you never feel appreciated for what you think you are doing for them….there can never be an equally respectful and openly loving relationship while these manipulations continue back and forth.
‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.’
I love this line and am reminded of how it brings a simplicity to life that allows us the grace to be ourselves, to open our hearts to trusting again, being connected to the truth of being in God’s love no matter who we are or what we do. That it’s our antics that rob us temporarily of the awareness of the fact we are love and live in love and once we drop these behaviours, even for a short while, we naturally return to the awareness of who we are.
Letting go of the ‘ fix it’ syndrome is such a relief… It runs so many of our lives, and is a endless sink hole of justification for not being still, and allowing ourselves to feel where we actually are in our lives.
Beautiful realisation Susan. “I am enough just being myself” I too used to get caught up in ‘fix it’ drive and now with the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom and being a student of The Way of The Livingness I am discovering the joy, truth and power of just being myself.
This drive to be in ‘fix it’ mode reminds me of the saying “Physician heal thyself”. We can get so distracted trying to fix it for everyone else that we don’t realise that we have a problem. A problem of not choosing to just be all the love that we are that allows another the freedom and space to be the same.
Yes it is so simple Susan, how is it that at times we make it so complicated. Being connected to ourselves and allowing things to unfold is certainly one of the keys to simplicity.
It is so easy to think that we have to do something in order to help – but being really present and open and willing to connect should be the place we start first then whatever is needed comes next rather than using solutions and activity to keep people away.
Susan what you have shared is so simple – just be yourself with people and stay connected to your body. This is very different to the complication we create in relationships when we live from our emotions, beliefs and ideals. Simplicity is definitely a key to true success in life.
Thank you Susan for this beautiful sharing. “When I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over” – this sentence spoke to me really loudly today. We often get prompted into action when we see others in obviously difficult situations, but often it comes with a picture of how we think it should be otherwise and it creates much tension within us as frustration, and in others as imposition/intrusion. There’s much to learn for me.
‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’ Thank you Susan, it supports me in not making myself responsible in the task that lays before me today, I cannot fix anyone, let alone a whole system. I do not have to prove myself but I can just be myself and thus make it about the whole instead of a small picture.
‘…the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed’. These words are absolute gold Susan and should be shared in every orientation program in every school and workplace – for anyone’s first day of anything for they value what we bring, not just what we do.
Beautiful Susan. Like you I too have been a queen of solutions and avid fixer upper which I now realise not only crowds everyone but introduces emotional attachments, expectations and pictures of how you think things should look, but in truth don’t and in so many ways can and will never look that particular way.
Thank you Susan for a great sharing, I can relate to being a fixer most my life thinking I am responsible for others. I love how you expressed that just being you, when you visited the Lady, that that was enough, which left space for magic to happen in the deepening of a loving relationship between you both.
‘the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’
I love this line, so simple that when lived life flows. I know I’ve not surrendered to myself to live being me consistently but those moments I do life becomes magical and everything I sought to ‘fix’ makes sense in the deeper order I’ve reconnected with.
So true Karin, when we get ourselves out of the way and allow the space to supply the deeper order already there that is just awaiting our understanding and love then magic certainly happens. This makes life so easy and simple as we are allowing ourselves to be transported back to who we are because we have surrendered to Divine Will.
Susan what you’ve discovered or reconnected to is Gold! I do a lot of problem solving and not giving people space. What if, I let go of trying to help and allowed myself and others space to be. For me to see the glory in another and not just their issues that press my buttons; to accept their free will to make choices that may not be self-loving.
What if I realised my own arrogance that I know better than another when they too are all knowing (but may not be choosing to be aware of this)? What if I acknowledged my trying to impose a better outcome is self-motivated because I don’t like the reflection I’m seeing of people choosing suffering because I still do, or I want the recognition from facilitating change so I look good? What if I just came back to me to feel I am more than enough and lived that for all to be inspired by?
This blog is a necessary re read for me at times. I still find myself wanting to “fix” things sometimes but then need to connect to that inner voice that will reaffirm the need to step back and let go any form of control, or expectation involved.
Trying to fix and find solutions is one of life’s great red herrings. We have everything when we are connected to our bodies and when we are simply being. This article is a great reminder of the power of staying with our bodies and observing, as it allows other people to feel their choices and be responsible. This is gold in a world where we try so hard not to feel those choices and responsibility and have everything around us to not have to. it is so imposing to try to fix people and it is so loving to give them the space to feel.
It is one thing to hear and comprehend that ‘everything is energy and therefore everything is because of energy’ as Serge Benhayon presents, but another to live this way and let yourself become aware of the amazing power we actually have. The presence and stillness we bring in these moments of being you describe Susan are actually earth changing, and much greater than we believe.
Inspire, don’t impose – love that. Another great bumper sticker the world would be blessed to see.
Hmmm great point Ariana. Wanting to fix people to make things more comfortable for ourselves for we don’t want to face what there is to learn or feel from seeing another suffering in some form. Super controlling indeed and far from the loving support that we can truly offer from just being ourselves and knowing that is enough.
You make a great point Susan for when we attempt to fix another’s issues we are giving our energy away by investing in something we have no control over. It makes complete sense that exhaustion would be a natural consequence of such an investment.
It’s amazing how often people give out advice or offer solutions without connecting to what would be the most supportive thing for that person at that time. It is so beautiful that you have come to a place where you can allow the space for people to be with whatever is going on for them, supporting them to find the understanding they need all from just being and staying with yourself.
Ditto Susan! I can also say ‘I have lived that and done that’ the way you have described. It has taken this life time for me discover this. It is not true that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. They are not new tricks but just the way we all started… before we chose to look for something more and then just got lost on the way. Being with yourself now just feels right. I notice this most on my commute to work in London everyday; I don’t walk slowly, just with my own purpose and being me. I am no longer swept up in the stream that rushes by me.
Well said Steve, when it comes to learning from our lessons in life our age is irrelevant for we are never too old to learn something new.
It can be like being reborn once you mastered the “want-to-fix-others”-pattern. A whole new (ancient?) way of life unfolds, one that is spacious and light. I am always in wonderment about the ease, with which Universal Medicine modalities bring forth this way of living.
Yes, Universal Medicine modalities, are an absolute Godsend, that’s for sure.
We have been blinded for so long that all we could see… was it. When we re-connect to who we really are and have always been despite our protracted efforts to not be… we begin to feel the world around us again.
Trying to fix things for others never works. The amount of times I have got myself into deep water by trying to be helpful or make thing better for other people. At the time it seemed quite simple , offering a solution to people’s problems but it would always end up complicated and then I have to unravel myself out of the confusion I created, all from trying to fix what was not mine to fix in the first place. It is a great learning and one that can still catch me out now and again.
I have had a very similar experience Susan working with an elderly lady and just learning how to be. It seems so simple, too simple at times and my mind wanted to go back into fixing, which is really wanting recognition – not only so draining for me but also for my client. With the ease and simplicity however, came a powerful love and it shows us how life can really be that simple and yet full and meaningful, when we just allow ourselves and others to be.
This is a great sharing which many people can learn from as it is so much better to learn from example or observation than by someone forcing their ideas and opinions on you even with the best intention. By just being yourself and just being there is so very caring without imposing.
A simply beautiful sharing Susan, just being me and being in my body. There is no need to fix anybody’s problems, by our reflection of being who we naturally are, other lives can change. When we are being us, with others, it allows them, to be them.
I have been a chronic ‘fixer’ and ‘solution finder’ for most of my life and am only now coming to fully realise why these patterns developed and how much harm they actually create. On the surface, it looks like I am doing the ‘right thing’ but underneath it is becoming more and more apparent to me how much this stunts the development of the other person and exhausts me. I can often get frustrated when the other person doesn’t take the steps I think would resolve their problem but am now coming to appreciate that we have all created our own momentums and that these have to play out in order for growth to occur. Stepping back and allowing everyone space is the most revealing and loving act I can perform for all concerned.
Letting other people take responsibility for their own problems leaves us with the space to focus on our own responsibilities.
Beautiful Susan – re-visiting this blog is so re-affirming. We are the ones that choose to become disconnected from the loving truth of all that we are, we are the ones that can choose in a moment to reconnect just by using the ‘Gentle breath’. It is so simple really.
I lived in a huge momentum of taking on other people’s stuff believing that I was helping in some way to ease their burden but I’ve learnt that that is such an ill perspective. Just being me, caring and nurturing me is what helps us all the most.
Great article Susan and very clearly expressed. Thank you.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”.
This is such a powerful message Susan, one in which I can so easily relate to, thank you.
Thank you Susan for a very informative sharing. I know that I too have tried being Mrs. Fixit in the past, and no, it doesn’t make anything better, just takes away the other persons responsibility to look into their own issues and grow from there. To be there with some one as a support is all that is needed.
How true Roslyn. By being Mrs Fixit does not support the person at all, how well I know this pattern. I have finally come to realise that we just offer support and leave it all to the persons responsibility. How easy is that, and how loving for the person involved.
I can so relate to your trying to fix things. The amount of time when I tried to fix it and just made it worse was aplenty. It has also taken me most of this life time to realize that problems are lessons that we sometimes need to learn and making mistakes are good if we feel what is be shown to us. As you have said Susan all we need to be is ourselves… it is that simple.
The interesting thing about being a fixer (said from first hand experience), is that you look at situations and people as problems, in fact they have to be problems otherwise there is nothing to fix!
Thank you Joel, it sounds so obvious when you say it like that. How ridiculous to live life as though it were a string of problems, people included!
Just being who we are just allows others the space to be themselves. No one is putting on a ‘performance’ of fixing or accepting, then a true connection can occur. Thank you Susan for a great blog.
It is very liberating to stop giving your power away to something you have no control over. When i used to follow sport in a big way this was very much the case and have just had a real reminder of the way I used to be with the World cup Rugby at the moment, having gotten sucked back into that way of being.
Beautifully expressed Susan.’By connecting with the love within the not-love dissipates like clouds blowing away, leaving the sun shining forth in all its magnificent glory’.
Beautiful Susan, it is as simple as this -‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes’ – this is life-giving and expanding, there is no need for anything more. The magic of observation is a gift to others and also to ourselves for we are all connected and nothing is in isolation. Thank you with Love.
‘As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve’. There is so much wisdom in this sentence alone. The simple truth.
Thank you Susan, “just being me” or just being who I truly am, may sound a little ambiguous or vague if a new term of reference for someone, but it is of such great significance and I feel you have really clarified the importance of this simple and practical lifestyle choice.
Your description of truly supporting the woman you visited, by being you, rather than trying to solve problems or ‘do’ anything is lovely to share – Thank you.
Just being me is the solution in a nutshell for every illness, everybody and every problem on earth.
Yes Felix, once all of humanity chooses to completely surrender to all that we are and express all of that without holding back the world will become a different place.
That it is Felix
I struggled throughout most of my life with other people’s problems on my shoulders but I have learnt to now take care and responsibility of myself first and allow others the chance to make their own choices. Letting go of the attachment to feel needed and loved through helping others was a huge thing for me, but through this process of long held patterns I can see that being me with a full heart is the greatest healing we can give others.
Yes, we collect other people’s problems like there’s no tomorrow. No wonder there are so many people with sore shoulders and backs. And there are so many problems out there that we could pick and choose from, but in doing so we offer nothing to anyone. ‘I can see that being me with a full heart is the greatest healing we can give others.’ this is so true.
Love it Simone. The healing we can bring to others when our heart is full and open supports and allows others to work thorough their own problems is the complete opposite of collecting and burdening ourselves with those same problems.
I can relate to what you are saying here Kelly, as for many years I had the belief that I could do other peoples lives better than they could themselves, but at the same time refusing to see my own mess I had created within my own life. Now I understand that the greatest gift I can give others is to be myself and not try to be something I am not.
Kelly I can relate to all you’ve shared. There’s a big difference to seeking to feel needed or allowing ourselves to simply be who we are and offering that; it’s the difference between doing for others or just being with them.
I have also been living in my head for 60 years and in my man cave. The only persons problems I spent very little time on was mine, in fact I spent more time creating problems for myself then fixing them. What a relief it is to learn that I am enough just being me. It has taken a few years to untangle the mess I have created. There is a light at he end of the tunnel and this time it is not a train.
‘There is a light at he end of the tunnel and this time it is not a train.’ I know what you mean sjmatsonuk. I am so grateful that lately I have become aware when I am sabotaging myself and am able to simply steer myself back to feeling my body and feeling the gentle flow of my breath in my body. Nothing else can top this feeling of connection to myself, and only from this connection can we be of service to others.
Just being ourselves seems to be the most simple thing in life – and it is. We just have to break through all the ideals and beliefs we have founded our lives on and get back to the simplicity of equalness and service. A beautiful example of this Susan, thank you.
Agreed Jo, and the best way we can get back to equality and service is to be ourselves, and in this, allow a reflection for another to be themselves also.
This was great for me to read this morning. I still have a lot of patterns from my past that create a strong urge in me to “help”. This always results in a loss of self care and connection to myself, and is imposing for the other person – although some love this dynamic. I love the simple methods you’ve used, just to simply connect to your breath and body and be yourself, and that this is enough. I feel for me I judged myself that I was not enough when people were struggling around me, leading to this pattern to help.
Yes, there are a lot of scenarios like you mention here Melinda Knights that take us away from our naturally knowing body/heart, and using the simple methods of connection and breathing are amazing tools to bring us right back into balance with ourselves and everything else.
Well said Melinda – the urge to help often results in a loss of self-care/connection and imposes on the other person. This line stood out for me today – “As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve”. I notice that when I do that, it happens magically as well.
Stepping into help others out is something I stopped a long time ago and at the time it took me a while to understand that helping someone out is actually imposing but of course it’s sending the message to them that you don’t feel they’re capable and as Susan has said what’s really supportive is allowing another to come to the understanding in their own time as to why the issue is there.
Yes this is a beautiful observation. This is true of when we relate to ourselves and other people. “As I become more open to accepting myself as I am, then magically there aren’t any problems to solve.” There is so much gold in this blog, thank you Susan.
That is the message that you send, well said Deborah and you can also send the one that says…I have all the answers and you don’t. Which really serves no-one and keeps us in a perpetual cycle of need/respond from others.
What you share is so true Melinda. When you come from the angle of helper or fixer upper there is no allowing for the other person to make their own mistakes and learn for themselves from their own life lessons that have been often been constellated just for them, not us.
‘I feel for me I judged myself that I was not enough when people were struggling around me, leading to this pattern to help.’ This can be such an ingrained pattern ‘I am not enough’ and it is coming up in all kinds of situations. Trying to help is definitely a consequence of this, so we get recognition and feel better about ourselves but also to not stand out and be seen is part of this way of hiding ourselves. To just observe when this pattern is showing itself and to appreciate how far I have come makes me connect to myself and just be.
Right there with you Melinda – I am slowly learning to back off on the ‘imposed’ and ‘needy’ help and also the help that is ‘conditional’ upon someone else doing or being a certain way in return! I have begun to realise that all of these old ways of helping are in fact not helping at all, but have kept me in a cycle of relationship that is not truly supportive, for myself or another. The more I let go however, the easier it is… And I find I am able to offer true support much more often which feels so much better in my body than ‘conditional’ help!
Susan thank you, what a beautiful blog about unfolding love and appreciation. In the spaciousness of our own blossoming love and acceptance, there is always room for others to grow and also bloom in their own way and in their own time.
When I started attending Universal Medicine courses, I soon discovered that everything I needed was inside me and that I was enough, however, it has taken a few years for this to embody and truly know and feel this.
Just being who we are and connecting to the love within us all is the biggest gift we give to others.
How complicated and difficult life becomes when we try and live everyone else’s life for them for isn’t that what we are doing when we try and fix or solve other people’s problems? And no wonder we get exhausted and have no energy, let alone love, for ourselves.
I still carry the exhaustion of living a life of fixing other people’s problems. Definitely Serge Benhayon has supported me to step out of this and save society one more case of burnout. Slowly but surely my body gets more and more vital.
I love your honesty Felix for when we take on others problems they become our problems too. The irony is we already have enough of our own problems and when we take on and absorb another’s problems we are just layering ourselves up with a bigger burden to carry and work through ourselves. Aligning to this martyr consciousness also simultaneously controls, disempowers and disrespects the other as it basically says to them you can’t do this without me, let me do it for you…. and you effectively remove their lesson in life constellated just for them and make it your own. Where is the learning in that for anyone?
This is such a good topic, I also used to try and fix others problems. I have found that since I have stopped doing that and allow the situation to be just as it is, I don’t get so frustrated. It’s great.
The more we open up to seeing how precious and gifted we are and what each of us brings to this world the easier life will be as suddenly pressure is fading away.
Beautifully said Michael.
My sentiments exactly Michael, we all have the power to choose, either to live in disregard and self neglect or we can choose to self love and deeply care for ourselves and appreciating how very precious and gifted we are and to feel how much love and support there is for us.
Amazing blog. So simple and understandable as it actually makes so much sense. We have energy – and this amount is for our own body.. it is actually unnatural to life worrying about someone else..as why would we? It is looking at those investments we have in life that makes us want to change or fix people’s lives. Lets give ourselves the opportunity to breathe and life for our own – and inspire others to do the same. That is so much better than trying to fix it for them!
“I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body.” Having spent so much of my life not truly in my body I know that when I am in mine now the feeling and connection is so different. It is then that I know – and feel – that I am enough. No trying, just allowing a flow in life, just being myself. Then those we meet feel it too – and benefit.
I loved to read your Blog and let in in my body – I can feel the quality, that you bring to the world being who you truly are and relate to that. Beautiful. Your conclusion contains beautifully summed up the whole blog: “I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!” Being me to contribute to life as it is then able to “find” the best solution naturally with all wisdom within. It is like being a craftsman, who tries to fix everything with just one tool, instead having the complete range of tools for every single situation.
Feeling that we are enough just as we are is an amazing experience, as it most probably will change our whole approach to life. From then on life is not about getting better or reaching goals, but about sharing more and more of what we already are.
I have realised that when I try to fix other people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted. I still sometimes fall into this and it feels horrible….. so I am consciously working on this just to stay with myself and be me with no need to save or find a fix for people. It is going much better…
I agree jacqmcfadden04, this fix it mentality is a challenging pattern to break. Like you I too am very much work in progress on it but am becoming more and more aware of how important it is for me not to impose and invest my energy in something I have no control over because it totally drains me and leaves me feeling empty and exhausted.
Just being ourselves – simple as that. Letting go of this strong ideal of having to solve other peoples problems is so incredibly relieving.
It is true Michael, it takes the responsibility for others away and allows the space to be responsible for ourselves.
The other day I was on my morning walk, I had a great rhythm going with each step and I began to feel this real sense of joy, it was the simple joy of just being me. It is confirmation that I am enough just as I am and all I ever need to do, is be that. Bringing that feeling into my every moment is still a work in progress, but hey, what else am I going to do with the rest of this life?
Love it Mark. How about for the rest of your life you just keep building and expanding on the awesomeness and simplicity of you being you – which is incidentally something we can all do equally for ourselves and inspire others to do the same.
How freeing for this lady to be able to be herself simply because you were being you.
Well said Deborahmckay, thank you for pointing out that you can feel how they were both set free from this belief that something needs fixing. Just by letting people be who they are, ourselves included, the space for deep and loving relationships emerges.
‘ I am enough just being myself ‘. Such a beautiful reminder to stop trying to make life better for others and to just surrender to our breath and body and let things unfold naturally.
What an inspirational read. I too have been someone who has always been too willing to resolve other people’s problems for them. What I have learned is that when I do this I am actually not trusting that others are more than capable of resolving their own issues this can also be a distraction tactic I use to avoid looking at what is there for me to deal with / work on.
I agree Abby and would also add that when I go into having to fix someone or solve their problem, it is very imposing because what I am saying is that they are not enough to find their own answers from inside…..! And yes it is also a great distraction to avoid working on our own issues.
It is amazing that the simplicity of how to be in life is a matter of just being ourselves. I also found that when I started attending Universal Medicine presentations that so much of my life was lived from ideals and beliefs and I wasn’t really clear on how to just be me, A matter of The Gentle Breath Meditation and going within was key to connecting to who I was, and life has unfolded truly from here.
It is simple isn’t it. Just breathe with awareness, following it in and out and being with the body. There is so much love within waiting to connect and hold self first and then others. Your experience Susan has allowed another to feel and be in the fullness of that love – so healing and as you have said – Simple.
Thank you Susan, I so know what you are talking about, I used to be everyone’s fixer. I too have lived in my head and thought I needed to be there for everyone, I have spent about the same amount of time as you have done . Just being me is something I am learning about, that this is enough, just being me, is the every thing I bring.
This is a great reminder of how free the body feels when it is not required to do anything or be anything, other than just be. Like you have said Susan it is exhausting trying to fix and bring solutions for others, which ultimately does them no favours.
When I read your blog Susan, it creates so much space in me – just being me is enough, I don’t have to perform or please other people.
Beautiful sharing Susan. Such a gorgeous confirmation in how she responded when you were simply being you. When we take on roles and ways of being through obligation or a need to fix this is all felt by another, which brings strain and lack of authenticity to our relationships. So lovely to feel how she relaxed and opened up and your connection naturally deepened when you were simply being yourself.
Just beautiful that just being you allowed a depth of connection with this lady, so simple and so loving.
Great observations Susan. i can remember when I first listened to presentations by Serge Benhayon and that we should just be who we are that I became very confused and frustrated as I realised that I did not know who I truly am and to just ‘be’ was very challenging. I had identified myself in various roles, particularly the kind fixer of other’s problems. It has been a slow but very rewarding process to let go of what I thought I should do and what I thought others expected of me and just discover the beauty of who I truly am and let others be.
Susan, this is such a powerful blog, reading it I can feel how I get exhausted when I try to fix things for others and that this is not truly supportive for them or me. As you offer just being ourselves is all there is .
I agree Monicag2, and possibly one of the reasons that society is so exhausted is that we are busy trying to find solutions and fix things instead of finding the stillness within, being ourselves and living life from a true impress.
Reading your lines my body deeply surrendered. It is something I have experienced before – the power of being me – but whenever I’m reflected that truth, it goes deeper. It feels like there is always more. That’s very beautiful to feel.
I so agree with you Christina Hecke, when you feel the truth of you in that moment, there does feel like so much more to deepen to but it’s not in a, oh I have so much more to reach kind of way, but from this very beautiful holding where you feel totally complete within it at that time, but can feel the absolute knowing, there is way more to you and your love is infinite.
Just being ourselves. So simple and yet we complicate things when the mind takes hold and wants to control outcomes. Letting life unfold naturally and accepting us for the gorgeous beings we are is the way forth.
Beautiful to read Susan. No matter what age we are, when we choose to be who we truly are it changes everything. I love the phrase you used “the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself” so simple, sometimes we just make it incredibly difficult for ourselves.
“After attending a Universal Medicine retreat I became aware that to assist this woman the only thing I could do was to just be me”. This is so important in this day and age. For years I have tried to rescue and fix people – very imposing when they haven’t even asked for support. How arrogant is that. Learning to just be me is still an on-going process – to be me – to be love. A fabulous blog, thank you Susan.
This is a gorgeous and inspiring reminder Susan, Thank you so much for sharing your return to tenderness and love.
“I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body. The power of that connection is all that is required and by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am, my relationships with people have changed for the better.” These are such wise words Susan, Thank you.
Susan, I too have spent many years helping people and I have also come to realize that this is actually not truly supportive because, as you say, it stops people being responsible for their own lives and we can get really burnt out if we take on their energy or try to fix things for them. It has helped me to see that a person’s present situation is a result of the choices they have made and by ‘helping’ I will only cement the comfort they are in, making it harder for them to see the consequence of their choices.
It took me a while to grasp this concept, that true support is letting another feel their choices without running in to fix them for them. It had become second nature to me to jump in, often at the deep end, but I learnt the hard way that often I would pay the price for this further down the line myself too. Particularly as my children grow older, I am finding I have to take this to another whole level.
‘I am enough just being myself’: This is a mighty realization Susan, and I know this is true, though it is taking me time to fully embody it. So it is very important to confirm this ‘by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am’.
Thank you Susan for the great insight of the fix it game we play. It is beautifully expressed and very inspirational in how you have explained the try to fix things. This has been one of my things that I use when I do not want to feel what is truly going on and not wanting to accept that I am truly amazing. I give my power away to others, contracting to the situation and wanting to feel comfortable by fitting in and also being afraid of standing out, instead of being who I truly am. I have come to realise that by trying to fix other people’s problems I am imposing on them, by not allowing them to be responsible in making their own choices. As you have pointed out we use ‘to fix things’ to take us away from what we are truly feeling and not wanting to live our truth of who we truly are.
I learnt through watching sport that giving your energy away to something you have no control over was a futile pastime. I seldom watch sport now but am still aware of how it can draw me in if I am not with myself.
I hadn’t actually considered watching competitive sports in this light before but it’s true Kev, it is a futile pastime that you put an enormous amount of energy into despite having no control over the outcome. This could also explain the emotional highs and lows we experience and the yucky emptiness we feel if our team does not come first, it’s the feeling of futility.
Susan I can so relate to your realisation that ‘… when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’. Trying to fix another’s problems is not only a massive drain, it is a major distraction from attending to your own responsibilities in life – and can be pretty disempowering for the person you are trying to fix as your taking from them the opportunity to learn and grow… When we go into “fixing” for others are we actually saying “here, let me sort out all your problems because I don’t want to deal with mine and I don’t think you’re actually capable of doing it either”? Ouch, not a nice way of being in the world.
Hannah, this clearly shows how harmful ‘doing good’ can be, both for ourselves and others. True support is offered without any result in mind and it’s often not something we do, for just by being with ourselves the person feels met and is more likely then to be able to reconnect and tune in to where they need to take action.
So true Hannah. I used ‘doing good’ for this very reason for many years. I took on the role of ‘The fixer’ from a young age and used it as a distraction from taking responsibility for myself and looking at how I was living for many years. When I really started to look at this I really felt how yucky and hugely arrogant it is to think that you have the answers and know best about someone else’s life.
Sometimes we are asked/invited to help another because our knowledge and experience is what they need for practical help, but what your words remind us of, is the need to feel deeper – why did that need occur in the first place and, when they say something like ‘oh, you’re so clever’ as if they are not, it’s hard not to try to reassure them, but to stay present with ourselves and to appreciate what it is we bring and not to make ourselves less in order to make them feel more comfortable.
It makes so much sense to just be ourselves and live the truth that emanates from within, so why is it so easy to get distracted from this and go lifetimes living something or someone that isn’t our true self. It is definitely a set up and a trap we are bound to fall into without the ancient wisdom shining through.
Very supportive and inspirational, thank you Susan.
So beautiful, I love this blog. WIth more acceptance, it seems there aren’t in fact any problems and therefore nothing to fix. Then we can just be with each other and this is such a big gift.
Gorgeous Susan, I love the simplicity and practicality of this article, ‘I reflect upon how all areas of my life are changing when I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body’, great for me to read and be reminded to keep things simple and to stay present.
Beautiful to read that even in a mature age, you can make different choices. It feels like you freed yourself from a prison of false responsibility.
Steffi, spot on – it is ‘false responsibility’ when we take on something for someone else. We feel burdened and we also don’t allow them the opportunity to take responsibility for their own choices.
It is never too late to make different choices and WOOHOO let us all free ourselves from false responsibility.
It reads too simple and wonderful to be true but only because of investing so much in trying to fix people and situations and finding solutions as Susan mentions. Just being ourselves, as presented by Serge Benhayon is connecting to the essence of who we are, ever present in our bodies and ever able to bring us back to healing and harmony. The interesting thing about Serge’s books is that while reading them with an open mind, you feel yourself connect as you read. Through that connection you feel the truth of the words. This is very different to a heady truth, this is a soulful truth which allowed me to connect with others as well as myself in a way where you felt how normal truth, love and harmony could be as a way of living for all.
So simple and such a game changer: just being ourselves.
Independent – yet deeply connected with ourselves and others.
Responsible – yet light and joyful
Still – yet playfull and expressive
Love on feet – and nothing else.
Love on feet – I love it Michael. Walking in the love and glory that we are offers a true reflection to everyone our footsteps pass by.
Susan this is great what you share, “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.”. This is definitely my experience, I use to be a problem solver and fixer for my family and friends, and little did I realise how tiring and exhausting it was. When I came to understand that, I just need to observe and allow space for family and friends to work on their own stuff, the exhaustion in my body disappears, and at the same time my family friends felt empowered to sort their own stuff out. It is very harming for us and others when we start trying to fix what is not ours to fix. When we allow and create space and stay connected to our body things resolve themselves.
This has been my experience too Amita – fixing other people’s problems, and feeling it was part of my role to do this. At times, there has been some arrogance in this and at other times, this has been based on need and / or in an attempt to fill my own lack of self-worth. It’s been a very liberating way of living, learning to observe a lot more, and not to impose upon other people with what ‘I’ deem should be fixed. I have no where near mastered this, but can certainly say it’s a much freer way of living and far less exhausting!
just being who we truly are, means literally just being love which can sound trite or a truism, but when delivered by someone who knows love deeply, like Serge Benhayon, becomes an intense and beautiful truth.
‘Just being love’ means that anything that is not love cannot exist. Love is there all the time though it seems to have gone away when it is masked by emotion, reaction or judgment. But by connecting with the love within the not-love dissipates like clouds blowing away, leaving the sun shining forth in all its magnificent glory.
You are so right cjames, Serge Benhayon has an air of stillness about him I felt the first time I met him…ten years later the feeling is still there. He is a constant like the sun rising in the east. That air of stillness was love that I had forgotten what it was until I meet him.
Serge Benhayon makes me connect to the fact that we are all love, just like he is.
This is a great blog Susan. I love how you share…” to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself” Using the gentle breath meditation most definitely reconnects and re-establishes the feeling of who you are and the space you occupy. It really is a self caring moment.
I love being me, by having a connection with my body and soul, but also sharing it with others, who sometimes need a shoulder to lean on.
Pretending to take responsibility for others can be such a trick. More often than not we do this to avoid dealing with our stuff and with taking responsibility for ourselves first. Not only do we harm ourselves by that, but also those we pretend to be taking care of as we deprive them of the chance of making their own experiences and manipulate them using their resistance to responsibility.
You nailed it Michael, and what a ‘trick’ it truly is to be taking responsibility for others just so we don’t have to take it for ourselves. Very harming indeed for all involved in this type of behaviour.
Thank you Susan, when we do not provide answers, or look for solutions, and hide who we truly are, then we can go through life “without becoming tired and drained.” When we look to our inner self life flows to become a pleasure!
Just being me is simple with no attachments but love for all. This is all that is every required from us. Otherwise life becomes complicated and difficult.
Susan, thank you for sharing your realization of one of the most profound revelations we can have – that we are powerful by “just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within”. Like you I lived my first 60 years living from my head and feeling responsible for others and hence trying to change them. After meeting Serge Benhayon and aligning with the principles of the Ageless Wisdom as presented by Serge, “I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed”. Simple but life-changing as you so clearly describe!
“I used to suggest solutions to problems or issues and steer people to what I thought would be solving the problem without really connecting to what would be truly supportive for that person to gain a new understanding for themselves as to why the issue was happening in the first place.” I can relate to this Susan and have done this a lot myself in the past. What I have realized is the reason that I did this was to make myself feel better, to feel as though I was helping someone, so I didn’t have to look at my own self-worth issues. Ouch! Once I recognized that this is how I was, I have been able to work on just being me, knowing that this is enough, there is nothing that I need “to do”.
Susan, each time you mention the power of ‘just being me’ by being in your body I pause and agree and say to myself, yes that’s it. As in, that’s ‘it’, that our power within lies within our bodies and is accessible through our bodies and I am not sure there is any other way other than with, through and in connection with the body.
Your words on the gentle breath meditation are beautiful Susan. You reminded me how powerful and centering a tool it is. I could feel that constancy wash over me.
What you have presented here Susan is such an inspiration and reminder for me.
I have rescued, protected, mothered etc and been the “fixer” in all aspects of my life. However, like you, I have learnt that there is another way, a way that honours everybody, including myself.
By deeply understanding and allowing another to grow in self awareness and responsibility whilst at the same time being truly oneself and presenting truth is so much more life giving and evolving for all.
‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.’ This is very honest and wise and a true way to care for people; allowing them to be responsible for themselves.
I really connected to the beautiful simplicity you relay in this powerful and inspiring blog.
When we hold a consistency with re-connecting with our bodies and the quality within that, it naturally starts to build our feeling of self worth because you start to see that issues or situations that need to be sorted, are just that, something to be sorted. This brings the space to feel in your body what it is that you have to do as your only focus is on completing what is there to complete. Pure and simple, just take the emotion out of it and away you go, so from start to finish, you’re feeling the loveliness of you, as nothing about what you’re doing, is asking you to change.
What a great reminder, I feel that this is also a great step in addressing self worth issues. By accepting that I am enough and fostering my true quality.
This is awesome..” I have changed my behaviours because I am learning to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself – and I am finding that this allows others to also be with themselves.” I am inspired to do this more consistently. I’ve noticed when I can do this my students feel it and respond incredibly well. They become less needy, chaotic or disruptive. The class just teaches itself and everything flows.
In the past I used to think I needed to solve problems or fix issues for others, being a nurse. Since attending talks from Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine, I am learning that if I am consciously present with myself and observe the situation, I naturally will know how to respond – not from a need to get it right, or need of recognition. And in creating space for the other person, they are more likely to resolve the issue themselves.
Beautifully shared Susan, I too have recognised the difference when I am trying to fix someone or make something right for them. In the past I have noticed that I have wanted people to get it, yet wasn’t looking at just holding myself. I have seen the difference of just holding myself and inevitably the other person is much more open to relationship.
Susan you say in this blog ” I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.” It is great how you explain this is not withdrawing from other people, but that in truth, being around people with a ‘fix them’ energy is actually a withdrawal of a kind. Being around people embracing all that I am and accepting them for all they are is such a wonderful, inclusive, energy giving experience and can be a healing in itself if called for, as you described for the elderly woman you cared for. Your reference to gentle breath is important, because it has allowed me to feel when I am being myself, as opposed to being caught in someone else’s reality and not being true to me.
I can so relate to being constantly there for others and can feel how the word “no” can be a very loving support to all. Thank you Susan for your expression 🙂
I still find it amazing that there is power in being myself in all situations – the momentum to fix and be responsible for others has caused me much devastation and I’m learning to let go of this and to stay steadfast in my connection to me, and appreciating that this is all that is ever needed. I loved reading your blog Susan.
“I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.” This is true, when I let go of the belief I have to make everything okay it feels like a huge weight is lifted from my body. I am not here to make everyone else happy, as much as it hurts to see and feel misery.
Agree Gyl, I too felt the quote you have reflected and also that the doing rather than the being is the trap I have fallen into – no more rescuing/saving. Just presences, compassion, love and joy – the weight is lifted and the game is no longer played. Thanks to Susan for a great blog.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” This feels amazing and creates so much freedom and space for everybody.
Gosh, I am so guilty of taking on the role of being the ‘fixer’ – to my children and extended family and also as a teacher. I thought I could solve and/or fix up everyone else’s problems – what a burden this must have been on my body, taking on other’s problems, no more than taking them on I was absorbing them! Since Serge Benhayon presented a true way of livingness is to ‘observe and not absorb’, I no longer step in, but step back, and let the others travel their journey at their pace. Your blog truly resonated with me Susan and I agree with how you so succinctly put it: “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.”
This is so true and beautiful Susan thank you the gift of’ learning to just be me ‘and not fix and help is so much more powerful than it sounds. I am seeing that all the helping and trying really does not support us or anyone. Connection to oneself and the true love, inspiration and joy from this is everything.
I agree tricianicholson, I had the most amazing experience last week after a distance healing session with a Universal Medicine practitioner, where I was sitting in the kitchen and was blown away by the level of stillness in the house. I have felt stillness in parts of the house, the same as outside, but never across the whole house equally, it was beautiful to feel. But what blew me away even more was a member of my family. They came home and were very silent and still in their body, this was not usual – it felt amazing. The most profound thing being, that simply by being me, sitting having my breakfast in absolute stillness, and by this I mean no mental energy ( distracting thoughts), not doing anything, not trying to fix things, nothing – just simply sitting in stillness eating my breakfast and being me allowed this stillness across the house. This was a huge new marker for me in what is possible. I don’t have to do anything, just be.
What this also reflected to me is that stillness is our naturally quality, what I had been allowed to feel with the support of a Universal Medicine Practitioner, was the stillness I naturally am and come from, and the stillness we all can be. And that i have a choice and an ability to build this in my body and life, by the choices I make and continually choosing to be present with my body. A great support with this has also been the Gentle Breath Meditation http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free and the modality of Esoteric Yoga http://www.universalmedicine.net/esoteric-yoga.html
Susan this is truly lovely, what a beautiful feeling it must have been for this lady who you connected with, to feel the acceptance she felt in you just being you – a true gift for you both and everyone around.
I do like this blog. It reminds me to stop, just stop, even when I am busy, just stop and let myself be first. There can be such an ingrained patter to do, do, do for others or even when I am alone. Thanks Susan.
To just relax and be you with out the fixing changed the energy and gave you the space to connect. It ‘fixed’ itself! An evolution point. Great blog Susan.
Coming back to this blog, I can say that when I am not ‘just being me’, when something has interrupted my connection, I don’t feel good at all. Since spending an increasing amount of time in my body connected with myself, the contrast of not being connected is very strong. Then I feel bothered by things, attachments coming back, stuff mulling over and over in my head. Once that would have been ‘normal’ but now it feels very disharmonious and something to be looked at and corrected. “The way to live my life is by just being me” – for sure, Susan!
Wow Susan. The power of just being you!! And a definite power that is. For so long I have tried to solve peoples problems but it has not gotten anywhere because they are not my problems to solve. When you truly listen people are just wanting, needing a beauty of connection and to feel an exquisite depth of love that is within us all. Thank you for reminding me of this as sometimes the world and all the problems within it gets a bit too much to handle.
I just love your opening statement Susan: “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” What a great realisation and one I can fully feel within me too. And by connecting to that quality within, life becomes so much more joy-full.
Very sweet blog, I loved the way you describe in detail how your relationship with self correlates so deeply to those around you… thus the lady you visit changing as you did. That is true evolution Susan.
What a beautiful comment Sarah bring on true evolution for one and all I say.
I love the truth in this blog, that when we learn to just be who we are, problems seem to just dissolve. How awesome. Thanks Susan.
I love your last paragraph Susan. It shows so clearly how simple life can be. We only need to commit to being with ourselves in every moment, everything else will unfold from there. It is indeed simple.
Upon re-reading your blog it confirms so beautifully how powerful the gentle breath is in everything we do.
When we are able to be with someone in understanding without expectations it opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
As soon as I read your first sentence …. ‘I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within’ … it struck me that I’ve spent all this time NOT being me as I’ve been trying to ‘fit in’. We are all unique, with our own particular attributes and expression and this isn’t by chance. We have been created this way as together we all compliment each other beautifully, making the sum of the whole complete. So, the more I resist NOT being me, I’m actually hindering everyone else, as I’m an integral part of the whole, equally, along with everyone else. The best part is, it’s SO much easier to be me, than to try to be something I’m not. Thank you Susan.
Great article beautifully expressed and hugely supportive for all that read it, thank you Susan.
What a gift of presence the gentle breath is. Susan, this is an awesome account of the power the gentle breath is, thank you. Breathing presence of You into your day, and how this changes everything… improves energy levels, vitality, the ability to take care of ourselves, to love, to appreciate, to be still and not in a rush, mental clarity, organization, rhythm…. The list goes on.. and on.. What a great benefit to our health and well being the gentle breath is…
This is so valuable to share “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” I spent my personal and work life attempting to sort out other people’s problems, I neglected to care for myself and was exhausted as I used to try and care for others. It has been a revelation to learn to care truly for my own wellbeing and through this, share this reflection with others. There is no imposition, no ‘trying’ and it feels empowering for myself and others to allow individual responsibility and choices to be what life is about and so it’s not about trying to fix for anyone else.
Re-reading your blog Suzanne it’s brought home how powerful just being me can be, and how when you think about it, its the easiest thing to do in the world. We complicate things when we ‘try’ or ‘strive’ to be something we are not.
I am still astonished when I experience the miracles that can happen when I just be me. I am forever ‘trying’ to be me, but within the trying, of course I am not me and the cycle continues. It seems that when I go into not caring what others think of me, that I am actually me. This is still very much a work in progress but more and more I am starting to feel the real me.
Love this Donna. The trying and doing never works when wanting to reconnect back to ourselves but just being ourselves without caring how others will react becomes simple.
This is truly a lovely sharing
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ This statement of wisdom is very very powerful. In it’s simplicity so much is being said here. ‘…just being me.’ is a freedom we begin to live, freed from the burden of having to do life to feel our part in it. This doing is exhausting, because we are living as though we are ‘nothing’ on the inside and need to get from the outside to feel we are ‘something’ on the inside. For example we seek acceptance, recognition, love, success, whatever from the outside to feel ‘worthy’, valuable on the inside. When in truth – within lies a treasure box that has all within – our essence, with the fullness of exquisite love.
So enjoyed reading your blog Susan – it covered so many areas that speak to me, especially the heavy burden of feeling I had to fix everything for everyone. What a huge sigh of relief to discover this was not true! Love your words “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.”
Susan, we waste so much time and energy trying to fix things either for ourselves or someone else, I had never realised how exhausting it can be, until I realised that when I am not trying to be a fixer or a doer life has its own natural flow, and then it’s not exhausting at all.
Yes, this fixing and doing is the want to compensate for something we feel missing within us…yet there is this ‘something within us’ our essence, that when we live from there, there is a natural flow, because simply being us is enough…you have shown that this is true…and we can live like this with each other.
Susan thank you for the gentle reminder to come back to our breath, it is a beautiful way to re-connect the mind to the body and to know that choosing to just be ourselves is all we ever need to be. We are enough as we are.
The concept of living connected to my body has and is taking years for me to understand. Reading this now I have a sense of what you mean, but if I read this 10 years ago I would have had no idea. In fact I would have thought “but I am myself”.
The icebreaking moment for me was when I put two and two together and realised there is a relationship between the negative attitudes that I held and my physical body. This realisation came about after having my first conversation with Serge Benhayon, that conversation itself has changed my life more than I ever would have realised. Slowly, slowly through listening to my body more I am discovering more and more about my natural rhythms. The tables are now beginning to turn for me. Instead of seeking stimulus through drugs, alcohol or drama I am beginning to discover that nothing feels more gorgeous and full-filling being deeply connected to my body.
I found your sharing so very helpful Abby – even though I have always been (and still am) very much a ‘in the head person’ you have given me a clearer understanding around the concept of living connected to my body and it is only a matter of time and patience.
Well said Abby, I feel the same, If I heard these concepts 10 years ago I would have defended that I was too myself. Listening to your body is also a unfolding and what my body is able to say to me now compared to back then is different as my body now speaks louder and more clearly than ever as I have given it the respect and space to actually have a true voice.
It is so true sarahraynebaldwin, when I give myself the respect and space by listening and connecting to my body more deeply, I can drop seeking solutions and complications of the mind.
You have really nailed something here Abby. For most of my life I had perfected ignoring my body, so if it it ached, or had some sort of symptom I had ways of switching myself off to it. Living in my head, and just thinking, thinking, thinking all the time was the way to do it. And who was I? It depended on the mood, and “frame of mind” at the time.This life lived in the head was like being a neglectful parent to a child calling for help. So learning to listen to my body – really listen – has been quite challenge. I still like to crawl up into my head, especially when my body is letting me know something that I would prefer not to know. But in spite of the challenges, this is the only way to live. There is a consistency in my body that my mind just cannot fathom, and in that consistency …well that is the real me, the true me.
Beautifully expressed Rachel and Abby,
I likewise mastered the art of lying to myself and ignoring every message the body lovingly delivered – when I could not deny the messages I would seek anything to hush them if not drown them out altogether. This is no way to live and left me in overwhelm and disconnection to myself. Learning to become at ease in my body and to listen and feel with my body has been worth every moment – I will never trade the body’s wisdom for anything the mind can entice me with again for this robs us of the pure joy of living a true life.
It is amazing how our simple choices can have such profound effects on so many aspects of our lives. By choosing to just be ourselves, and not trying to make everything OK for everyone else actually gives those we are interacting with the freedom to be themselves as well. It is a glorious gift, and as you experienced, this woman opened and blossomed, not longer burdened by any imposition, just met with love. Truly gorgeous Susan.
Re reading this blog Susan has reminded me again of the power of our breath to connect us to our selves when we are taken away by false beliefs and ideals. We can do this too when our emotions or hurts get in the way of what is truly needed. Recognising what is happening like you did is a huge step in realising the true power of being ourselves.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” How simple is that? Amazing how we can complicate things by thinking that we have to fix things for other people. Yes, I have done that, especially within my family. But then I give them no opportunity to grow from their mistakes. I have learned to step back and just be me, feels so much better. It is then amazing how they grow through me allowing that.
I love the way you learnt to desist from trying to fix the elderly woman’s life and apparent problems and how the focus of your relationship then shifted to one of equality and respect without you needing to be in the role of the provider, fixer and finder of solutions.
Yes I love this too as it shows a quiet, but empowered acceptance of self – non imposing and non judgemental but a presence that is warm, gentle and very steady – open and receptive to all.
It’s such a drain to be attached to certain outcomes; trying to control things. Being present and also with that giving people space to make their own choices feels much more loving all round! Thanks Susan for sharing your experience.
I, too, have lived most of my life from my head and learning that “… if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes” has been an incredible game changer in my life. Learning to feel from the body first has been/is profound.
It took a little while to remember who I truly am, really discovering and feeling the make up of me and that we are all the same, the world over. Once the wheels found the track, it’s now about winding up the engine and full steam ahead.
Thank you Susan, for sharing this in all its magnificent simplicity. It was in an important reminder to bring me back to feeling my body, sitting in this chair, and knowing that I don’t need to be anywhere, or on doing the next thing. I just need to be bringing all of me to this current moment, as that prepares me for the next moment more than anything else ever could.
“I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!” Yes Susan, I love this statement, so simple, when we allow ourselves to connect to the love and truth of our being others are inspired to meet us there.
“I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within…”
I have spent my life living not knowing who the real me is. After spending the last 4 years attending Universal Medicine presentations I am beginning to feel the truth of who I am and it feels amazing. Accepting and allowing the true me to reveal itself is a continual process of making self loving choices and giving myself an honest appraisal in every moment so as to not allow the ‘unreal’ me to take over. Just a simple choice to accept my own power.
“trusting the process of life” there is something to be said for this Susan, life can be really easy when we don’t attempt to put ourselves ahead of where we are. I often find I stuff up when I try and be something or someone I am not. Forgetting that who I am is more than enough and that appreciating this is when life becomes easy and magical things can happen.
“I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” I love this line in your blog, how often we expend energy wanting to get involved in other peoples issues and what we do not have control over. I have have been bringing more and more awareness to this each day, looking at firstly my connection to me, am I living from a quality that is in line with who I am and my development? This can directly impact my energy levels if I am not vs how I am dealing with things around me when I am really with myself, particularly at work. As there is a great deal I am involved in that is out of my control. So it is a great play ground for me to learn and grow my conscious presence.
I love the simplicity of what you present Susan. In particular I love being reminded of the fact that “I am enough just being myself –around everybody”. And not just that I am enough, but that by being me, I bring something that we all need – a unique facet of God that is there to inspire another, just as much as their unique facet is there to inspire us back too.
Hi Susan, you wrote ‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’ Thank you – these words remind me that in a group setting when things go wrong, it may not need ‘fixing’ but simple honesty about what is going on, re-connecting to my innermost self and simply being in the group. All my life I’ve exhausted myself running groups but not taking care of my own energy.
How much simpler is life when we stop trying so hard and just be ourselves. It is an instant way to unburden ourselves.
Having just reread your blog I am reminded that ‘Just Being Me’ is all I have to be. Three simple words that have given me focus for my day … Thank you!
Such beauty and simplicity delivered with absolute Grace here Susan, thank you. It reminds me that energy and our quality must come first even when we see so much that needs fixing and attending to in the world – if we are not present with ourselves we are just adding to the merry-go-round of we want to fix – a vicious cycle that is only broken with self awareness and re-connection to our inner most.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.”
Sooo good to be reminded that we are enough as we are, that we can drop the effort and the trying to do it all right and to be everything to everyone – thank you.
I’ve also had some recent experiences where I’ve felt the power of being me and the hard work when I’m not. What this has shown me is that there are different areas in my life that I thought were me but were not. I had the blessing of a recent day at work meeting people where I had no expected outcome – I let the meetings unfold and felt an incredible support – like something was going on that was bigger than me. It was effortless as it was unfolding in front of me. I didn’t need to convince people of anything they came to their own understandings about how they wanted to move forward. I felt alive and at the same time could feel how I always would have gotton in the way, not allowing situations to unfold. Yet when I do and simply be me the end result is not what I call success but instead the completeness in each moment.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” I love this quote Susan. So often we feel like we are helping others by offering solutions, however, like you, I have found that it is more supportive to allow people the space to work through their issues supporting them to connect to what is true for them.
Absolutely agree Lee, and when we “allow people the space to work through their issues’, as Susan says it allows people “to be responsible for their own lives’ and thus the changes they make are more likely to be embodied. When we try to fix something for another, there is no learning for them and thus in truth, we do them a dis-service.
I feel what you are so beautifully sharing here Susan, is about stillness. Learning to accept the power of stillness and what it can bring to a moment is extraordinary, and I am learning to be with that innate and forever pulse that is the very inner foundation, I am learning to appreciate and cherish it as what deeply holds me.
This is a beautiful sharing Susan and so needed to be heard. Learning to simply be ourselves in our love and fullness is the biggest gift and treasure in the world. I am learning that no amount of helping others and fixing things brings this, just our love in and with our presence is everything and this is what is felt by all and what truly offers healing.
A beautiful reminder that all I have to do is be me. So simple and the gentle breath meditation is such a powerful tool to support that.
I definitely did the fixing thing and sometimes even thought I could do someone else’s life better than they could themselves, had the answer for everything – but actually didn’t because my life was a mess but I didn’t want to look at it. It’s exhausting worrying about other people’s lives – totally pointless.
A great question Fiona, fixing is definitely not the answer. I was not aware of being a fixer until someone said to me that I always wanted to change people. So true I did not want to accept the choices of others and to look and feel where they were in the process of unfolding. Just as you say Susan ‘I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!’
Reading some of the comments it appears there are a lot of fixers out there ( including myself). If so many of us are on the case, fixing everything and this is the answer, then why is the world such a mess? This blog and my own experience has shown me that we can only be responsible for ourselves. Everything changes when we stop imposing and fixing and just look after what we are choosing – this is the real way to ‘fix’ things!
I too learned from Universal Medicine presentations that just being me was the answer and that by staying with my body, rather than my head – which can still be my tendency – then all will be revealed to me, and of course to us all if we choose to be in our inner heart. Thanks for sharing, Susan.
Thank you Susan, for sharing the simplicity that life can be but we have forgotten and tossed aside along the way thinking it is more than this and ‘I am not enough’. I know I lived very much in the way you have described in trying to be something for everyone else. It is through the teachings and support of Universal Medicine that I am now learning “… the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.”
Thank you Susan for sharing how beautifully and simply you changed your relationship with your friend. When we give up our struggle with life and allow life to be things have an amazing way of unfolding.
Thank you Susan your honesty in expression has inspired me to share a point of view from the other side of similar interactions. Most of my life when I face people whom I felt want to fix me, I would react because it felt awful in my body. Yet, to take back responsibility for myself, I had to ask why this is constantly happening in my life. The disempowerment experienced and reflected back–actually is my sole choice to not be in my power.
Isn’t it true then that the choice to be our true self, is also a responsibility?
Choosing to be me actually feels a lot simpler than the constant fight that I have put my body through when I chose otherwise.,
Thank you Susan for sharing about your ‘opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself’. Going into fixing mode was my default position for so much of my life and it has been such a relief to drop the façade that I know what is best for others. Such arrogance but now I am recognising that staying with myself and allowing the other person to come to their own solutions is so much more empowering for them and so much less draining for me.
Yes, Helen, I so agree. It allows others to get to know who we truly are when we let go of all the trying.
I smiled when I read your blog Susan, as the other day I had a moment when I realised that it’s ok to just be me, without trying to be something I’m not or to please others. And reading your experience shows us clearly how important it is to just be with ourselves and let others be also.
“I stayed present with myself more consciously, just being me, then things started to change for both of us”. The simplicity in this still blows me away, given the counter avalanche of information we’re fed throughout our lives about how to live, none of which has worked over a sustained period of time. Who would have thought that simply staying present with myself, feeling what’s going on in my body, and just being me, could be so life changing for me and all whom I come into contact with. But yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is it – the absolute truth; a truth that can no longer be kept a secret.
Taking the steps to understand what it means ” to be with my body” as I do things is certainly something that has changed my life. As I develop that more and more what truly ” just being me” means. And the world becomes so much simpler.
“Living from my head” is so over-rated! I am learning to understand that the more responsibility I take for myself, the more I leave others free to make their own responsible choices, or not. Love this blog Susan.
I love your comment “the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself”. This is something I have struggled with and has been a great learning for me to acceptance myself even more when around others. Accepting me is probably the biggest gift I could have ever given myself. Finding the time to go for walks, sit and be still for 15 minutes or taking up Esoteric Yoga builds on my acceptance and certainly something that benefits my quality of life.
I have been a “fixer” also Susan and have had a lot of recognition from this. I am learning to be me without the fixing but find in certain situations the old pattern surfaces. Your sharing has highlighted for me the power of holding myself in any situation and that that is being enough.
Fixing problems (ours and someone else’s) is a way to live life. There is always one to fix. In a sense, this is a great ability. Yet, if this is what we do ‘for living,’ what is that we ask life for? Is it possible that what we ask is not what we could naturally ask for?
Being a fixer and taking on the worries of others is indeed very exhausting. Thanks for sharing your journey Susan. The more I observe and allow others to come to their own decisions, the easier life seems to flow for me too. Its a win win all round.
Being me, greatest help for everyone. No fixing is upweighting that ! So cool article. Thanks Susan.
It is so true Doug, that every thought is a choice we make to stay with ourselves and trust/know/feel we are enough, and every day can bring moments if I choose it, that do challenge that knowing. So every time I claim myself back from those moments by calling them out for the lies that they are, my whole body confirms to me the truth of me.
I love this Susan ‘I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.’ And this, in fact, is our sole responsibility – to be our joyful and true selves.
Yes Kylie, we manage to complicate something that is so simple. Reading the words “This is in fact our sole responsibly” has seriously changed my life. I know that sounds over the top but its true. I read your comment this morning and I had the best day, all of a sudden it was impossible to be overwhelmed as I just stayed with me and if I strayed from that, there words my sole responsibility came to me. Thank you.
One of my parents taught that what other people think is of great importance. I was handicapped by this all my life until I met Serge Benhayon. Now I have replaced that belief with the truth of simply connecting to my body and just being who I truly am.
When I hold others as absolutely equal to myself there is no fixing to be done, just inspiration between us. This is a much lovelier relationship than the unequal one of fixer and fixee.
So true Amanda, the inequality bred from the fixer upper and fixee mentality is the complete opposite to true equality which is completely founded on acceptance.
It so often amazes me just how simple it is Susan. In observing how complicated I have made living to be when trying to be ‘good’ or, wanting to be ‘better’ or, not feeling ‘good enough’, the list was endless. As I have begun dropping this chatter it has enabled me to reveal the heart of what’s there when its not – the glorious-ness of me.
As I read your description of gentle breathing I could feel my body surrender and become more still instantly. It felt so lovely I read again and felt more surrender and stillness. All this is a couple of sentences. Yes the gentle breath is very powerful and supports me being me. Thank you Susan.
Sandra I felt the same level of stillness and surrender as I read these lines too. It just shows how deeply felt words can truly be. Thank you Susan for highlighting the depth that connecting to our gentle breath can bring us in line with our bodies effortlessly.
I have found the gentle breath meditation very supportive in freeing myself from the negative mental chatter and connecting to my body. It helps me stay present with myself.
Not going into the fixer but just being with the other is a totally different ‘ball game’. It gives the other space to feel their problem/issue or whatever they are dealing with. I have witnessed by just letting the other be with that, often by itself there comes a next step for this person or a deepening with an insight. What seemed to be an issue dissolves. Dissolving by itself is the difference from me solving it.
“Dissolving by itself is the difference from me solving it.” I will remember that description Caroline, it is such a beautiful word “dissolving”, gentle and giving, and something I need to always remember. Trying to solve things and someone’s problems for them is destructive and causes friction and resentment, and makes the other feel less able whereas listening and observing helps them to find themselves and their own confidence. So solving takes away, and dissolving expands.
Love that Caroline. What was an issue yesterday may not be one tomorrow and by letting it go we de-solve it.
Isn’t it just the best thing when we discover the truth, which is the first thing that makes sense of all the madness that goes on in and around us. A truth that is a knowing, that it is the truth, which I felt emanating from Serge Benhayon the first time I ever met him.
Looking back at all the things that I ever wanted to be, it seems ridiculous now, when I can actually feel me, the same essence that I felt when I was a kid, but now in an adult body. The process of connecting back to it is certainly a universal medicine, because we all have an essence, however much some may ignore or deny it. It is a tangible feeling that I would not trade for all the gold in the world.
That’s lovely Jinya. Connecting to our essence is indeed truly the best medicine, and for me it feels like a warm contentment radiating through my body, and at times like this I feel complete just being me, with no wants or needs for anything outside of myself.
I agree, Jinya, “the process of connecting back to me is certainly a universal medicine”. How wonderful it is to feel my own essence which I have at last come to feel, through the presentations and workshops of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I also would not trade this beauty “for all the gold in the world”.
I definitely relate to the fixer mentality and it’s great to see the process that you’ve followed, Susan. Interestingly when I focus back on myself and what I’ve learnt from Serge I stop being the fixer and the whole world changes. So simple, so thank you Susan for the clarity.
Gorgeous Susan, ‘me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!’ I know that when I slip into trying to fix things for people or giving advice then this feels hard and draining whereas if I stay present in my body and trust then there is a flow and a lightness, no pressure and expectations on the person I am with just an allowing and an acceptance.
Thank you Rebecca for explaining the difference- I could understand and feel the truth and power of staying present with yourself and trusting what to say next or do – which then flows.
I love the simplicity and power of this Rebecca. Just me being me, no need to fix anything. Beautiful.
In the past I reacted so many times to the behaviour of other people, I was not even aware of this. In the last years I’m learning more and more just to observe. I know now why I was so exhausted in the past, through my reactions I allowed energy into my body, which doesn’t belong there.
Ouch, alexander1207, I have certainly done that in the past. I am gradually learning to observe, and not absorb, no longer (mostly) reacting to the behaviour of others.
I find that when I am not attached to outcomes or trying to fix, I can offer far more clarity to a situation. Observation is much more powerful than stepping in to help and fix.
Thank you for sharing this and what you discovered simply through staying yourself with your friend you were caring for. This tangible practical example illustrates the loveliness that can be felt when we stop trying to impose on others and simply let things be. An amazing lesson for us all.
Just be yourself, is something I have been told many times throughout my life but it never came with any true meaning or understanding of what it was to really be myself. It has for me been a slow learning process but the power and true meaning of being myself is really starting to kick in, and thank you for this blog Susan which has helped in this process.
I can relate to what you say, Shirley-Ann, I have so often in the past been the one to make suggestions as to what someone else should do. I spent so much time thinking about solving other people’s problems, it was so ridiculous when I look back. It was none of my business, and was up to them to sort things out.
A beautiful read, simple and profound thank you.
Beautiful inspiring words Susan on just being me and how that supports others around me. Thank you.
I have realised that often when I thought I was being helpful, I was, in fact, making the other person feel helpless.
Good point Jeanette, after reading your comment I realised that I have been on the receiving end of this one, being ‘helped’ along, and this DID make me feel helpless and small and didn’t go very far in building up my levels of self worth. I am coming back to me now and this feels GOOD.
What a great reminder for life. And how much that can help all my relationships, remembering to feel my gentle breath and be me, not trying to fix anyone or anything. Stop focusing on someone else and focusing on enjoying being me. That actually supports them more than me losing myself and trying to help.
This is great to read Susan, ‘When I visited her and I stayed present with myself more consciously, just being me, then things started to change for both of us; her whole demeanour began to alter and her face looked soft, serene and pain-free’, I work with a lot of elderly people and can get caught up in trying to fix things which doesn’t feel true and just feels like hard work, so it is lovely to be reminded that just being me is enough, I have found that simply being me, staying present, allows me stay light and playful, a very different way of being to the ‘trying’ and the ‘fixing’.
Thank you Susan for the really timely sharing. I have read this before and I am revisiting because I have found that I am once again being drawn into the problems and upsets in others lives. I do know that I am the one who is allowing this to happen but just needed to have a tap on the shoulder. As you say being me is all I need to be and all else follows
Just being me sounds simple enough and in truth it certainly is but my constant battle with the complications and self doubt that still creep in to pollute this simpleness are things that are top of the list of things to eradicate from my life. Thanks for this lovely reminder that I am enough.
It’s so simple, that to be yourself is enough and more than enough.
‘I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ Susan what you say is simple and true. When and why did we complicate things by believing we are not enough, and thereby buying into other’s beliefs that they are lacking too? Getting in and ‘fixing’ a problem is a satisfying task to the mind, like doing a crossword puzzle, but it is draining because it is just a distraction from the fact that nothing needs fixing when we simply are totally accepting of ourselves and others.
Just being you, is enough. I love it, and it feels so true!
It is a strange thing that we often feel we need to be more than who we are. Trying to be more than this is a huge unnecessary pressure. We are trying so hard to be more and in the process not even being that.
Nikki it’s an interesting point and something I was reflecting on, I found that I knew myself so much by what I did that the feeling of just being me felt unusual at first and still does. There is always the pressure by the current construct of society to “be more” or “do more” – as you say what a huge pressure this puts on us when the simplicity of just being who we innately are is effortless.
I’m learning more and more how to be in the “doing” while still being with me. I used to leave me to go into the doing and I would try to be more. Simply being me while doing is relatively new and brings a smile to my face.
I love the simplicity of this: “This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.” I can at times feel that I have to be there for everyone but then forgetting to deeply care for myself in that process. Then everything gets quite intense very quickly and your line in its simplicity reminds me that I only have to be myself and let others be themselves.
HI Susan, no one tells us of our power, we never hear this at school or from those around us, but having been introduced to Universal Medicine and the Gentle Breath Meditation, I very soon felt an inner power that in the past I knew was there but never allowed myself to connect to.
The simple truth of having the mind be present with the body, doesn’t sound so hard? I can recall how my mind would race with self-destructive thoughts, I worked on staying present with what I was doing and using a mantra to bring my mind back to what I wanted to think about, when I wasn’t doing anything. Since being at the presentations of Serge Benhayon, I have slowly come to realise how if I just stay with the tenderness and love that I am, everything else that does not support me, just falls away.
“I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focussed on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all – in our inner-heart”. Wow, this so stood out for me, as i too had been searching all my life for some deeper meaning, who was i? why were we the way we were? why did things happen as the did? looking outside of myself for answers. Finding out that we innately know everything already and that it is our responsibility to connect to that wisdom, through the body, was quite a revelation. Now it is a process of a forever unfolding, a deepening of that connection, the more i go there the more confident i am, the more i trust what comes to me.
There is no need to fix things for others, because we all can take responsibility for ourselves. We can however, hold them in loving support, so they know that there is such a thing as brotherhood and that we eventually will live like this all the time.
Great blog Susan, I have also spent this lifetime and probably others trying to fix things for others. I still have not stopped assisting others when they have asked for it. I have now found that being my self and presenting alternative choices and a bit of clarity is not imposing nor draining on me.
Observing life and not absorbing it. Thats what came to me when reading your blog. We tend to absorb life life a sponge but give no credit to just how draining this can be for us.
Susan thank you for writing this blog! I do it all the time- try to fix people and find solutions to their woes.. It is exhausting! And probably annoying or imposing for the other person.
I have had the wanting to please/be nice bug. This was very draining, and only created a tension within my body, there was never any true me in that existence.
Thank you for an observing point of view on your behavior which is a great reflection for me – and maybe many more! I know very well this “doing/ solving it for others”. And I’m very much used to giving my power away. The accepting and surrender is a major key to let go of that pattern.
Incredible how we can spend a whole lifetime searching for the answers outside to then find that the truth of everything is actually found within and has been with us all along.
Yep, so true Gabriele. And the deeper we go within ourselves the more that is revealed. It will always amaze me that the simple teaching I heard as a young child and the only one I can remember from the bible turned out to be so true ‘the Kingdom of God lies within you’. Thanks to Universal Medicine I now know practically what this means.
Gosh I love what you have written here. So profound really. So freeing actually. To not take on nor be responsible for other people and just yourself. And to commit to the presence of you and honouring that. A great receipe for a true and engaged and energised life I say. Thanks for sharing this with us all.
“I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life”- This is a great reminder Susan, as my pattern has been to rescue or need to fix other people’s issues.
It is definately more freeing and loving to” live and let live”.
Great that you express your lived example for the increasing number of carers out there – that there IS another way to support others without losing yourself and care of yourself in the process. Not that we care less for the other person but that we care for our self equally and in so doing are in a better position to truly support them. Loved this nugget : ‘I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.’
This is so deeply beautiful. I love how you have expressed the power of the simplicity of connecting to and being with ourselves when we are with others. A blessing for both as the connection is allowed to deepen with love. Very inspiring Susan – thank you for sharing this.
“I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.” this made me ponder on how often do I / we give our energy away to things outside of us, things we can’t control or have nothing to do with us – as a mean to deliberately drain ourselves? Then we can stay in the comfort of being tired, struggling, exhausted, drama, issues etc – when in fact there is none.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve. I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained.” Reading these lines felt like I was reading them about myself.
Dear Susan, “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” I absolutely agree. I had an amazing experience of this last week, where by I reacted to something that didn’t feel loving, my normal thing would be to reply straight away, and say this – but I am learning when I do this the truth and love that is inside me to express, gets jaded by hurt and my expression is not the same, often a reaction from another comes back because of this. This day I made the choice to go for a walk first, then respond when I came back. In doing so I felt I didn’t need to say anything about it,and just allow that person the space to be. It was amazing the correspondence that opened up after this. And I also did not go round and round in my head, thinking did I say the right things, ( because I know in my body I have reacted or not fully expressed).This simply confirmed to me, how allowing another to be, allowing space and communicating with love offers so much freedom and grace.
Being helpful is definitely one I have fallen for in the past it can be very distracting and time consuming.
Its superb when we get to the point of being where there is no need to do any fixing for ourselves or others and its more about just being.
Yes Kevin, this is indeed very freeing.
I agree kevmchardy – it is so exhausting living from need. And way much more joyful and freeing when we accept we don’t need to try and fix anything – we are already enough. I’m am by no means a master at this, but I do know and can feel the difference very clearly in my body, my expression and my life – and how I relate with everybody. It’s like night and day.
Yes Kevin life feels so much more spacious and full of clarity when we are with ourselves.
Well said kevmchardy. I’m not quite at that point but I’m on the road. Even taking one step on the road is liberating and having an awareness that I have been trying to fix myself and others. Allowing more space to be me without imposing expectation or pressure feels incredible.
We are so used to trying, fixing, driving and doing that we have forgotten that just being ourselves, our true selves, is enough and in fact everything we need to support others.
Yes Susan and Lee. Once we realise we don’t have to fix anyone or be in sympathy with what’s happening for them, we can start appreciating how amazing it is to just be ourselves.
I agree SusanG, I have been so conditioned and bought into the belief that I have to try. I know the most powerful support and changes in my life, work, relationships, support to others has been when I have not thought about it or tried, but simply when I am honest, real and myself. Sometimes I forget and am surprised, but then I just remember and it’s a beautiful confirmation I actually don’t have to do anything, just be present in my body. Being present in our bodies is hugely powerful indeed!
Hi Gyl, I still find myself going into trying at times but less so now. When I do, I notice things feel like a struggle and they feel difficult but I am beginning to recognise this more and more and so keeping life simple is the way I have found to keep things flowing naturally.
“Keeping life simple” reading these words just makes me smile – as I and my body can feel the joy in living simplicity.
Yes, I used to live my life so complicated, so much so that the thought of keeping things simple seemed like a difficult concept to grasp!
I agree SusanG – trying and push exhaust me, and reduce space, in my body, life and day – simplicity creates a knowing, space, freedom, a lightness and joy because I know this is true and how life can be lived. It’s a confirmation.
This is beautiful Susan, I can feel the humble journey you have had and continue to have with simply letting yourself be you, without the trying and pleasing that can plague us as women. There is such a healing for everyone when a women lets herself just be and doesn’t try to fix another, make them better etc. We support another to be all that they are by inspiration and reflection of us being who we truly are.
Beautiful writing Susan, ‘knowing that everything is part of the unfolding nature, just being in my body and trusting the process of life’.
Susan this is such a loving sharing bringing me back to the quality of presence and connection in my body. As you share this is the key and it’s very simple if we allow and choose it for ourselves in every moment. I love this line you shared “… I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body. The power of that connection is all that is required and by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am,..” and from there the rest unfolds in harmony with what is needed.
The beautiful simplicity of being our natural selves allows everything to rest in its rightful place. It is absolutely the only thing that we need to do.
Susan your words are truly amazing. “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” The first line stopped me in my tracks and allowed me to really appreciate how much we can bring true quality to all situations when we are connected to our heart. Thank you.
Kelly likewise that line certainly stands out. That it is the quality of being me that changes everything.
Yes Kelly I agree it is on us to choose to be connected to our inner heart and to bring all of us into every situation and also to feel the simplicity and joy when we do this.
Thank you Susan, I was just connecting more deeply to the fact that anything we do without our full presence is causing a drain to some degree on us and others also. Is it any wonder we as a society are experiencing so much exhaustion these days? Being present with ourselves offers more than we may appreciate and I have found Esoteric Yoga to be a great support in re-connecting to the natural stillness that is ever present within.
Yes Victoria, I can relate — Esoteric Yoga has done wonders for me to trust and therefore allow more of a reconnection to my body and get out of my head. When I’m in my body I feel so much more solid whereas if I’m in my head that’s when I start to feel drained. This would be such an amazing thing to be encouraged and taught from school age.
I love your line ‘being present with ourselves offers more than we may appreciate’. This feels so true Victoria, when I am present with myself, everything does seem so much more simple, and yet as soon I lose presence by becoming distracted, it suddenly feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. I’m pretty sure everything just takes longer when we choose distraction over presence.
Absolutely agree Jo, in presence there is a spaciousness and without any effort things just get done, I love feeling the magic of that. I have also been connecting to and appreciating more lately how the quality I am choosing not only affects me but everyone around me.
Thank you Victoria, it is wonderful to always be reminded that the quality we choose affects us deeply, but also everyone around us, and the glorious responsibility that comes with it.
The greatest thing about dealing with life is that it is as simple as staying with yourself. And really doing this is not that difficult. I am presently experiencing the importance of this and it is so much easier than trying. Trying to fix is so much hard work that never ceases.
Trying is not such a great approach to anything. It creates complication, as you say Daniel, trying to ‘fix’ something is so much hard work, it makes life so much more challenging. So being with yourself and making choices from there is so much simpler and freer.
Yes, Daniel, simplicity is the key, to just stay with myself and it is so much easier than trying to fix things for others.
You so clearly identify Susan how meddling in another’s issues does not empower them in anyway. I too can apply this to my relationship with my own issues, sometimes I need to act and other times just observe and deepen my own connection with my innermost.
Great point Jenny. I know the times I jump in when I really feel I should stay out are the times it gets messy. As we deepen our connection this becomes so much clearer and when to get involved and when to observe is easily felt the more we stay connected to ourselves.
Getting involved in other peoples situations or trying to not rattle others is a disease that we don’t speak of en mass. This week I have really felt the damage that being nice has caused and it’s snowballing affects that continue afterwards. Everyone in life has the ability to make choices but when we choose to ‘help’ or ‘direct’ another’s life – either by getting involved or them actively wanting others to help them that absolves them from any responsibility in making their choices in their life. It doesn’t support others but instead cripples them. I know from experience that holding myself and my life to situations outside of me or waiting for another to move or act or speak before I can do anything feels stifling and small. When I listen to my body I get my truest answers about my life and myself in life with regards to interacting with others.
I used to be a carer and found that I was too much in sympathy and trying to fix other peoples situations, which became draining very quickly. I now know that this does not help the person as it doesn’t let them be themselves either, it just feeds their miserable situation – focussing on their problems instead of letting them just be.
Exactly Julie, when we try too much to ‘fix’ people they become even more dependent on help from others, and forget the capability they have to ‘fix’ themselves.
I too have felt for that for many years, trying to fix things for others. But the way for someone to recognise another way of living is to get my reflection.
What I have come to learn is self responsibility comes first and then through that we inspire others to take responsibility for themselves. This is where true power and love comes into play. Inspiring others through our true livingness, as we are all equally knowing, loving and powerful.
You nailed it Amita, “Inspiring others through our true livingness, as we are all equally knowing, loving and powerful”, that’s the only way to go, living life as our true selves, in our Livingness. Or at best, working on it, like me!
I so love and appreciate all that you have shared Susan. Just being me has the capacity to take the complication out of everything. This automatically reduces any the tension in my body and it becomes more accepting of love. Great medicine for our body I say!
I agree Jo, I love when people share their wisdom and life experiences and I love when older people share things and it shows that they are open to learning and experiencing life with a freshness.
Each “difficult” situation that we encounter is an opportunity for us to just surrender into being ourselves, staying gentle and breathing our own breath.
I am a work in progress with these opportunities as they present themselves, and I am so grateful to Serge Benhayon and all the Universal Medicine practitioners who have supported me to discover the power in being me in every moment. Thank you for your brilliant blog on this topic Susan.
Thanks Susan, I love what you shared.. “I am learning to keep re-connecting to the quality of my presence in my body – by being present with myself – and I am finding that this allows others to also be with themselves..”
This is key, as it initiates the change from always doing for others first before oneself… A key of demonstrating what true self care is, where and how to start – awesome, thank you
It is a beautiful how simple it can be that, just by being ourselves, allows others to be who they are. Bringing it back to our body and our presence allows us to be who we are.
Amita I also deeply felt the fact in the blog that all that is needed is to be ourselves and in that we reflect everything that is needed in the world. This is something that I am having a deeper relationship with each day.
The need to fix others is very strong and very exhausting. It is the wanting to change the world according to what I need it to be for me, so that I do not have to look at my own ill patterns. No wonder our health system is collapsing.
Being me – this is something that I can be through a certain way of breathing? Are you kidding me? Well, actually no kidding! I don’t even need a Universal Medicine workshop for that (although it’s a great support). It’s just breathing gently during the day and the rest will unfold from inside.
“It’s just breathing gently during the day and the rest will unfold from inside”. This is so simple Felix, when we stop coming from a drive or a need and just let things unfold then our day flows effortlessly.
A very simple way of being you have delivered Suzanne but a powerful and wonderful way to return to the truth of who we are — a being of love.
‘As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.’ The power of true acceptance is ginormous – from conflict to harmony and in there is the love and acceptance of ourselves first. I am constantly having this truth confirmed.
Susan I love your sharing. We often get caught up in family and friends lives to the detriment of our own. I know I need to continually remind myself to be supportive but not take on their issues by trying to solve them but instead empower them to look at how their lives are and make their own choices.
Thank you Susan, Having been one who compromised myself on a daily basis so as to make something better for another I have come to understand, with the help of Universal Medicine, that I can either be involved in all that is going on around me and exhausting myself, or I can be evolving myself and others by not getting involved and instead observing and not absorbing. When I am observing I know what to say and what not to say. If I am finding the situation hard to deal with or am confused as to what to do I now know that I have allowed myself to be involved and am poisoning myself in the process.
Gorgeous Susan, it’s so lovely to feel and read how simple it can be just being me. Thank you.
“I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life.”
This statement on its own is gold, a get out of jail card for humanity if we all began to awaken to this. For that is our responsibility to each other, being responsible for everything we each do, say and think first.
Lovely Michelle, a great way to express it. Truly a get out of jail card should we choose to use it.
Beautifully expressed Michelle, it all starts with self.
Susan, just being you is a wonderful gift to all. Thank you for this reminder that we serve no one by feeling responsible for others and trying to find solutions, as all any of us require is the inspiration to be ourselves.
Susan you so clearly demonstrate the power we are simply by being us. I have been one for trying to fix and solve things. One thing I have recently felt is how controlling and suppressing this habit of fixing is. When I feel I have a solution for someone it has started to feel like when I am sharing this I am subtly saying I have the answer, I can solve this which they hear as they don’t have the answer and they need me to fix it for them, yuck, how disempowering and horrible is this. I always found it hard to leave solution finding and fixing behind because in my mind I had this idea that if I was not trying to “help” them I was not caring for them. Yet I have felt the complete opposite to be true, that if I simply bring my full self when with a person this can allow a space for them to feel what is true for them, after all they already know exactly what is true for them. Wow all this time and effort trying to fix things has been a complete waste of time and really very damaging. I now realise I have been doing it for a very selfish reason, so people need me, so I feel needed, so I don’t have to feel how little I have been there for myself….. Yep I am ready to let go of the fixing (also known as controlling).
Simply being our natural selves, letting that shine through is all that is needed – how beautiful is that!
I agree, there is so much tension in trying to use our head to control life, it always ends up not working. To simply ‘be me’ and express the awesomeness of me, is all that is needed. thanks for sharing this wonderful blog 😀
I found that the quality of my expression and the power that comes with it, is when I act on impulses. The action is my commitment and the quality is the connection. Aligning these brings great power. It really feels like my body that is a formula one car.
I feel so much joy in reading these words “just being me” it’s as if every cell in my body is dancing in confirmation, joy and agreement to the fact that being me is all that I need to be – such a freedom in feeling and living this 🙂
Dear Susan, I totally agree “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me” – I have tried for a long time to be – when actually no trying is needed and simply just takes me away from myself. When I am me, I am very powerful indeed. I don’t hold back in any single way, be it how I dress, walk, what I wear or what I say – (and there is no looking outside for confirmation for any of this) – this has a profound effect on everybody. I know this because I have felt it, and also because I have been in the reflection of others who live this way. It simply allows another ( which feels AMAZING) to just be themselves and know this is WAY more than okay.
Thank you Susan that was lovely. I can totally relate to your blog as I too try and fix people. I have now become aware that this is where they are at and all I have to do is be me. By doing this I am able to reflect a different choice in life.
This is a very deep and precious insight when you write that trying to fix other people’s problems leads to exhaustion because we have no control over the outcome; and it goes further than that: any investment in an outcome bites us in the bum eventually and is ultimately a drain on our energy levels and vitality.
Thank you Gabriele. A very timely reminder to let go of any investment in outcomes.
Susan you have just given the simple answer to truly living and it starts with being aware of how our breath is.
It has reminded me that in every situation we can go back and be more aware of how our breath is, and whether our thoughts are in the same place and same pace as our body. It sounds simple, but so often we do not remember, and it’s okay. But now we can remind ourselves to check back with our bodies and explore the changes in reflection like you so beautifully shared.
It has taken me a long time to really understand that I am enough just as I am and that I don’t have to ‘try’ and be more than that. It certainly is the opposite of how I have lived all my life! As I unravel these old patterns and beliefs I am constantly amazed at the change in relationships that occur when people feel the freedom of me not imposing on them.
Susan, this blog is a gift, thank you. To know that me in my body is enough that is such a weight off then life becomes so much simpler.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”. I can really relate to what you say here Susan. Like you, I used to be focused on trying to fix things for my family and had no sense that I may be imposing. However, since meeting Sere Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine presentations I have come to realise that there was no need for me to control anything for an outcome – it is enough just being me. Like you I have discovered that “the power of that connection is all that is required and by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am, my relationships with people have changed for the better”. Thanks you for your inspiring blog.
This is a really important article Susan. I work with a lot of people in the nonprofit sector and many of them are exhausted – and worse – as a result of their desire to fix things for others. This is somewhat ironic, as ultimately many of them will need to ask someone somewhere in the health and medical professions to fix them. The moment you realised just being with your friend in the nursing home instead of trying to solve her problems was powerful and a message we all need to hear.
Thank you Susan for this great sharing I love it. I too am learning the joy of just being me and who that really is and what this really means.
I too lived in my head for many years. And then the past years I sank into my body to find myself. Since then it has been my commitment to stay connected to my body and be & express from there.
I realised that when I was trying to ‘fix’ things for others I was taking away the opportunity for them to take responsibility for themselves. Being a ‘fixer’ is very self-serving and of no true service to another.
We can all give this ” gift ” that you received Susan to others everyday,
“the opportunity to learn that we are enough just being ourselves “
Life on planet earth involves a lot of ‘doing’, but we’ve not been taught that the doing we do is absent of real quality without the ‘who we are’ being in that action. I’m finding that by focusing on the being, the doing becomes simpler and infinitely more enjoyable.
what a wonderful reminder that we simply need to ‘be’ without fixing ourselves or others. This is something I have become more aware of but still need to be reminded of from time to time. There is so much wisdom with what you share here Susan – beautifully expressed – thank you. I shall definitely be returning to this for a re-read and the healing it offers.
Thank you Susan, It is simply lovely to feel the true support we offer each other by just being ourselves.
Just being me, and allowing others to be where they are at is so important. People make choices according to their own rhythm and momentum. Being all of me in every moment can then offer a reflection which they can be inspired by, or not. Their choice. Not imposing my views on another, which in my experience has led to resistance. We have opportunities to make different choices in many moments of our day.
Great observation, people do make choices based on their own rhythm and momentum – obvious really and good to be reminded!
I love how you wrote that through just observing and breathing you can allow another more space to be responsible for their life. Trusting the ‘unfolding nature of life’ like this is such a gorgeous and non-imposing way to support another on their path.
Also an example of true compassion, observing and not absorbing another’s issues and emotions.
I felt a deep healing for myself as I read your blog Susan. A deepening to another level of allowing myself to just BE. I can feel from your writing, how simple it can be to let ourselves be, in all areas of our lives and how this is the support both for ourselves and all around us to allow and enable true healing. This is quite something to ‘let go’ of the ‘fix it’ patterns.
Just by observing, we are being all we need to be. The gift of BEing ourselves.
I love the way you describe the Gentle Breath Susan – feeling the exhale and the rhythm of the breath as it flows through you, allowing a deeper surrendering in your body. This description really does communicate the way the Gentle Breath meditation brings us right back to our bodies which is an invaluable tool for reconnecting to ourselves.
I find that if I start to think I am responsible for another, I am in fact ignoring my own irresponsibility. It’s a trick I use to avoid going deeper and expressing more love, which equals being more responsible for my own quality and expression.
Spot on Vicky, words to take into my working day today.
I totally agree Vicky, and also to not feel the tension that it gives me to be me while someone is not.
Aah clever Vicky, I know this one well, it’s like a great game of ‘look over there’ and pointing at another rather than coming back to us and seeing what is to be addressed.
Wonderful to read how you came to feel that you were enough just by being yourself, and the amazing reflection this provides for those around us.
Susan, I love everything about this blog, thank you! I love the simplicity in just being yourself and the experience of not being drained or exhausted that feels so light and joyful and most importantly a normal way to be with myself and others.
Being ourselves: this is so much against everything we have made our modern world about, yet it is so true and beautiful in its staggering simplicity.
I agree with the beauty you speak of, it really is a beautiful experience when you give yourself the permission to just be yourself and accept that that is all that is needed to be done. What a weight off – to reveal the beautiful way of living that is possible all the time.
cheriseholt, I agree with you, as you say, “what a weight off”, I can really feel what you are saying here. Amazing the weight we carry when we are not being ourselves, crazy what we do to ourselves.
Susan this is such a lovely read and so true to relate to and it is wonderful to feel the joy “in just being me” thank you.
“I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within”
How amazing is that. I am beginning to feel this too and wondering why I haven’t connected to this feeling before. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because feeling more of the true me is so awesome, and in the past I have just dipped my toe in the water when now all I want to do is dive in head first!
Sometimes I have to pinch myself too Sandra when I realise I am being/feeling the true me. The ease and joy I feel is very apparent…. it’s developing and it’s new. It’s just a matter of recognising the feeling, knowing this is a true marker, so that when I lose myself I can clock it and come back. Like you I have dipped my toe in the water… yes, I agree, it’s time for a full dive!
That’s what I like, true enthusiasm. True enthusiasm to want to be and live the real you. Our greatest inspiration can come from ourselves, it is so true that when we begin to recognise that true marker, and have the understanding why we dropped in the first place, we can simply make the choice to get back on track, and every time we make this choice it becomes easier and we are flying… or diving if you prefer, either way is full of joy.
Such lovely and confirming words to read again. Thank you Susan!
What if we were brought up soley nurturing, honouring and most of all appreciating each other’s and our own unique qualities and expression, while still knowing we are all equal and part of the whole.
Comparison would not have an inch to play out and our world would be a completely different place.
I feel Appreciation is the key.
I would agree with you, appreciation has a very big and monumental part to play in our lives. It’s the key to building our understanding, our acceptance and the love for ourselves and therefore builds the compassion and joy that we can be with others too.
I agree Johanna, Appreciation of each other’s unique qualities is the key – it would definitely turn the world around!
Doesn’t that feel gorgeous, a world without comparing, instead, all appreciating our and each others unique and essential qualities and the expression of them. No one would be exhausted either because there would be no trying, fixing or feeling less/wanting more.
Correct! Just being ME is so powerful. I question why we have not been taught from young that we are all equal yet each possess a beautiful unique way of being that only we possess- and that beautiful unique way of being and expressing is deeply needed in order for the whole to work together as One in perfect harmony.
A child should be nurtured in honour of this and taught – ‘never be anything other than You and what you are truly here to bring’ . . . when you are not you then you let the whole down.
Well said, johanna08smith, “Just being ME is so powerful” – it is also exhausting trying to be anything else!!!
Yes it is totally exhausting James even attempting to be anything other than. And as the old saying goes. . . ‘be yourself as you are the only one qualified.”
I love that kathleeenbaldwin!
Oh yes johannao8smith I question why we have not been taught from young that we are all equal and that I only be myself as well. It is such a important lesson to learn so what are we waiting for????
Agreed, because if we’re not being ourselves then who are we really being?
That’s a great question Deborah. Who are we if we’re not being us.
Good call Deborah – I know when I am not myself sometimes I act, think or say things that I would never do in my right mind – if I was being myself.
Very true Johanna08smith. I know when and if I become a father I’ll do all in my power to allow this.
Hi Susan, I really relate to the specific experience you mention in this blog, as I also look after an elderly lady. I tried everything to get her to ‘open up’ as there was clearly much grief and sadness there in her under an angry exterior. No matter how much ‘love’ I brought to this trying, nothing has been as effective as just being there and not needing anything from the relationship to change. The lady has deeply felt and appreciated the space and while has not opened up verbally, has definitely become less angry and more settled in her own skin. It has been a great point of reflection to me about how we wrap so much protection around our hurts and have such a sensitivity and for people trying to be let in (even in the most subtle of ways) and what happens in old age when we live a life like that. In this old ladies case, much of the small amount of energy she has left goes into trying to keep people out and therefore much bitterness and fear in living like this. It is sad, but in simply choosing to be me and not taking on that sadness, the old lady receives the most true form of healing. First she has gone deeper into stillness because she sees there is nothing to protect herself from and secondly she is implicitly learning through my reflection that there is another way to be, other than living in that protection.
I can relate to so much in this blog Susan and also in your comment Simon. Since 3 years I am working in the healthcare primarily with elderly people and at first I was trying and working hard to get them open up more and with that came in sympathy as well. It made me very tired and heavy, there were times I disliked my job. Now I stay connected with me and there is no need in me for them to open up. They will get what is there with me shining and feeling joyful. This is being with me and equally so with them and guess what; I love my job.
Awesome experience Simon, it is very interesting what you have shared about not needing the relationship to change or having a picture of what needs to be or thinking that our love needs to change, do or fix something. True love isn’t a doing action it’s a way of being, living and a way of holding others exactly where they are, and I can appreciate even more that this scenario has no space or need for an outcome at all. How wonderful this is to be aware of.
Love what you share Cherise, I can relate to having a picture of what needs to be or wanting the other to change or whatever. I am learning that I can just be me and I don’t have to do or fix anything. Sometimes I have moments that I am like: huh, is this really enough, shouldn’t I be doing something…or wanting the other to be something, but no, I remind myself that there is nothing to do, I can just relax and be me….and so can the other.
Mariette I find you last words very powerful “I can just relax and be me” in the sense that it made me feel how much tension and pressure we place on ourselves and our bodies trying to be something or someone we are not – this is deeply harming. And from my experience how I am with myself is how I am with everyone else – so if I am feeling this pressure or intensity then what am I unseeingly placing on every body else?
I felt the loving wisdom within your words Simon – thank you.
This is awesome Simon and a great healing for you in regards to just letting yourself be the wonderful you that you are and for the lady you look after because she gets the reflection of you just being you without any trying or want. How great is that! A win win situation.
Susan, I really appreciate your description of how your relationship deepened with your sick friend when you stopped trying to find solutions to her ‘problems’. I have also been a fixer, certain of the solutions to other people’s issues without as you say, the broader understanding of allowing people to find their own way so that they could come to their own understandings of why they were where they were. Universal Medicine has helped me stop this sort of behaviour and I now find myself in many situations where I am just able to observe without needing to fix anything. In part my doing was a way to avoid feeling the pain I felt at the disfunction in the situation presenting in front of me.
This is true Josephine and I was particularly struck by your last line as this is very common in nursing. The pain and the powerlessness we feel in many of the situations presented to us with our patients can put us into a frenzy of trying to fix, do anything to not feel it. I know I have certainly done this many times and it has never felt great as i know it was mostly done to make me, rather than the patient, feel ‘better’.
Observing, as you say, doing what is needed without needing to fix anything, and just being fully with oneself and with the patient, I have found, means the wall of protection drops between us.
There is no pressure on the patient and nor are we crushing them with the weighty smothering of sympathy. I have always felt diminished in some way when sympathy has been oozed towards me, put in the position of being less and possibly stuck there rather than being given the grace of allowing me to be where I am at, trusting that I will eventually find my own way with the situation I am in. Someone just being there in loving understanding and acceptance of me and the situation at that moment with no fixing – is far more empowering for both of us as we are left in equality rather than one feeling better and the other lesser. We both learn and become a little fuller and more open as a result.
I agree with you here Jeanette, re “the weighty smothering of sympathy”. I have always felt as if a damp blanket has been put on me when people try to sympathise with me over something. I remember discussing this with a friend some years ago, whose mother had recently lost her husband very suddenly. She said her mother had told her that she felt so much worse in herself when friends expressed deep sympathy for her. If only people realised the effect sympathy has on a person.
I love the example you have provided with nursing Jeanatte and what you have written: “Someone just being there in loving understanding and acceptance of me and the situation at that moment with no fixing – is far more empowering for both of us as we are left in equality rather than one feeling better and the other lesser.” I know like Beverley’s share whenever I have been at the receiving end of sympathy I have hated it.
Kristy I love what you share here – so true ” support them to find their way.” there is so much freedom and love in allowing another to find their way and to not impose our own needs.
Well said Kristy. How disempowering for another to have things continually ‘fixed’ for them… it is a very stifling relationship that does not support true growth or evolution.
I agree Kristy, just be there and let them find their own way. Sometimes it can be hard letting go of wanting to ‘control’ or fix a situation, but by doing so allows them to find their own way.
Kristy if I am really honest then my advice and attempts to help others have often not come from my own discomfort at seeing others suffer but at times from my judgements at how they have handled things or my impatience at how I perceive they are behaving. Basically my sticking my beak in comes from a feeling of discomfort that I have. Nothing good or true is ever going to come from that.
What a beautiful blog Susan. Your words: “As I continued just being me and not falling into any old ‘doing’ or ‘fixing’ patterns, our relationship opened up and I began to feel a beautiful closeness and a deeper connection with her.” made me realise that it can be quite imposing as well for other people to come in and try to fix their ‘problems’. It is like saying ‘There is something wrong with you so I am coming to fix this for you.’ I kind of more understand now why that creates so much distance and why, as you shared, it creates more closeness when we are just being with ourselves with someone, allowing them to be themselves too!
I am beginning to feel this too! “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” The quality within is gorgeous and well worth connecting to and developing!
Beautiful and inspiring account of your transformation Ariana. Who’d of thought all those years ago that ‘just being me’ would be the ‘best thing ever’!? The way my life used to be was the opposite to this and I would do all kinds of things – including overeating – to try and escape being me. Now I agree with you – being me is simply gorgeous.
Susan I had the experience yesterday where the outside was calling for an immediate solution and fix to a problem, everyone caught up in a frantic state and the pull to come in with a solution was very strong. Everyone knew going for a fix was a risk as the solution would likely not be long lasting. What I found was the more I allowed myself to simply stay being me then as things unfolded we not only come to what is needed moving forward but have to also address why did we allow the problem/ situation in the first place. Therefore by being me and not trying to jump in with a fix I get to see what true strength is.
Thank you Susan for reminding me that I do not have to fix other people’s problems. You have expressed this beautifully.
It is sometimes hard to imagine that we are enough. We are attached to identification for what we do so much that we feel there is more to add on to ourselves all the time. What a delight to discover the gorgeousness of just being and the magic that it works on our relationships.
Thank you Susan. You reminded me of the initial shock that I felt in my body when I finally understood that it wasn’t my responsibility to fix or come up with solutions to everybody else’s problems. This was a total distraction from what really mattered – my own ‘problem’s’. I discovered that when I gave up ‘fixing’, my relationships with people took a completely different course – one of acceptance and love – acceptance of myself first then this appeared to flow on to my relationships.
Your beginning sentence is profound “I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” That quality within is the most exquisite feeling I have ever known and I love it when someone else is emanating that – the depth of their expression through their eyes, their voice, their movements, all of it inspires the same quality within me. What a gift we can offer everyone in our life if we take care of ensuring we live in this way, offering the same inspiration wherever we go, whoever we meet.
I agree Golnaz the profundity and power of this statement struck me also and I find it very inspiring to read and to remind me of my own exquisite quality, and that connecting to that is paramount.
I love what you have written Susan and the comments add to it all. The joy and freedom that can be found by simply being ourselves and listening to what our body says and the wisdom and awareness from this connection is beautiful to feel. It is also very revealing of life and all that is playing out with a clarity and knowing. Thank you.
Being ourselves is harmonious and energising; anything else is energy sapping.
I agree Oliver. We are actually draining ourselves by bringing in a force to not be ourselves. This is some what crazy- to put effort into not being who we are!
Hello Susan, I felt to re-visit your blog as just reading it brings that simple connection to self, and a gentle reminder that it is as simple as breathing our own breath and by staying present we free all others to breath their own breath and experience all they are. Thank you
It is exhausting trying to fix things that we have no control over. When we do this we may actually be intervening and interfering with what another needs to grow. Instead, standing by another, doing what is needed and letting the rest go really does give everyone space.
Thank you Susan for sharing your relationship change with this woman. The same happened for me with my elderly mother so that we had a very special closeness towards the end of her life.
As you describe, going around and trying to fix everybody’s problems is a very exhausting way to live and makes them be dependent and even helpless, it actually encourages them to give their power away.
I appreciate all of the reminders that I receive from blogs like this to be with my body and be open to the wisdom it offers. When I take on another’s issues as if they are mine to solve there is a tension in my body and same as you wrote Susan I get stumped and lose flow.
The loss of flow is an important marker in our bodies isn’t it. A sure sign to stop and see what is happening.
“Just being me,” although simple is still a learning as I let go of all those false behaviours I invested and identified in to get me through life. I am appreciating more and more my natural sweetness and sensitivity and allowing those attributes to be in expression.
Great word Ariana – ‘control’. I notice myself trying to butter it up by saying that I just like to ‘fix’ other people’s problems, when actually it is a total form of control and manipulation. It is indeed quite a shocker!
Brilliant comment, Ariana. Loving the light shone on phrases that are commonly used and how they can be interpreted. Working with Serge Benhayon has brought a whole new level of understanding, compassion and responsibility to my life that is astounding and amazingly, always developing. Reflecting back I am blown away by the consideration of where I would be now if it hadn’t been for the opportunities and choices I have allowed with the support of Serge and Universal Medicine. Being me today is a very different experience and I am loving the fullness and lovingness of relationship that is emerging.
Super sweet and super simple. Thank you, Susan. For me it is all about bringing my mind back into relationship with my body, of which it is an essential part, but in no way a more important part, and that actually without connection to my body my mind is like a loose cannon making decisions in disregard of a bigger picture.
Brilliantly expressed from the depth of understanding that you have lived Susan. What you write about is a gift of true freedom from imposition – both for the person with the ‘problem’ and the person trying to fix it- thank you for sharing.
Yes, the depth of understanding from your livingness Susan makes this a powerful blog and one I keep wishing to return to and read again.
I so enjoyed re-reading your blog again Susan, a great reminder for me today to ‘just be me’ without trying to be anything else at all. How divinely simple is that.
Thank you Susan, it reminds me of how important it is to stay connected with myself and take real responsibility for myself. I feel how really damaging it is to take over responsibility for some one else and is definitely not healing and or a good thing to do. Oops! I have realised that I actually take away someone’s learning by taking it over. This is actually very manipulative and ”selfish”. Not innocent at all and it this makes it not possible to serve another.
I too can say that all areas of my life are changing as I allow myself to just be myself and stay in my body. This changes are beautiful and moving loving and supportive. Bringing it back to self and staying with the body, I find brings steadiness and clarity.
This is a beautiful sharing Susan. Being present allows me to connect to me. Being who I am allows others to be who they are. The truth of everything is inside our bodies. Very powerful words.
Great point Ariana – our definition of what it means to “just be me” changes as we grow and develop and re-connect back to our true nature.
Your article Susan reminds us of the ease and simplicity of being ourselves – knowing that we are already enough as we are, and that our very presence is healing not only for ourselves but for all others.
I know when I am around people who are at ease in their own skins, it is like being invited back (away from all the trying) to my natural self, from which life and expression is effortless.
Presence is indeed a true gift – both to ourselves and to others.
Yes Richard, we are a present (presence) to ourselves.
I love the message of your blog Susan, simply being ourselves is enough. It is when I feel I need to be more that control or complication can enter.
“I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focussed on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all – in our inner-heart, our inner knowing through being with our bodies instead of being in our heads.” I too had been searching for a long while- for integrity and truth. Finding Universal Medicine was like coming home. Just being me is all that is needed. Simple yet powerful.
Very true Sue ‘Just being me is all that is needed. Simple yet powerful.’ I remember the relief I felt, the aah haa moment I had when the penny finally dropped. For someone who had spent most of her life doing for others and trying to be like everyone else, this was life changing.
Susan, I have just re-read your article and found the timing of reading it perfect – I too have had (and still fall back into it) the trying to solve things for others and also the doing things for others to help them out. But when I do things for others, it never teaches them to step up to doing these things themselves. And in the process I too feel a frustration that builds up in me as deep inside I know that there are other priority things that I really need to be doing. This seems to me more obvious today – like I am getting more clarity on this today as a reminder from reading your article. There is clearly a time to step in and help another, then there is also the time to say no to stepping in but yes to supporting them to do what needs to be done. This I now have the understanding of with regards to certain situations, and now I get to develop actually actioning it!
Giving your energy over to something you have no control over is the main reason I had to question the reason I used to get so involved when I watched sport. The energy, time and money I spent supporting the England football team years ago, for them only to lose all the time, made me come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t support them unless I had a direct impact on the game i.e me being on the field playing. And that isn’t going to happen in this lifetime.
Great point kevmchardy, I love how you have made this connection with sport! And it is the same with most other dramas that we encounter whether that be at work, with our family members or watching politics play out. It is all giving our energy away/over unless we can speak truth and act to express truth. Then we live and let live… something I am still practicing every day!
Susan, there are many who could say like you that ‘I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focused on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all’ before we started to attend the presentations by Serge Benhayon. Once we know this truth all that is needed is to re-connect to the quality of our presence and to bring that to any situation without any need to fix something or attach to an outcome. How simple is that!
It has been my old behavior trying to fix situations and help people imposing my way of living as if I have the truth. The last retreat in Uk has been for me a gem and from that I am experiencing the difference when I respect my own space being present with others. To stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix, allowing others space to responsible for their own lives is offering true healing.
Thanks Susan and everyone for this remainder.
“I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.”
I have realised that this is what I habitually would do in nursing, and now know why I was always exhausted at the end of my shift.
Your blog is a beautiful reminder that there is another way to be with ourselves.
Hi Susan, thank you for such a beautiful and simply put blog , I can relate to what you have said , most of my life has been about trying to fix peoples problems in the mistaken idea, that, this was caring, this was love. Since coming to Universal Medicine, the urge to fix is slowly disappearing and I am learning to just be me and bring me to any situation, it is a work in progress.
It is great to come back to this blog and re-connect to the key to living a simple life. Thank you Susan.
To be aware to breathe a gentle breath is a life changing technique to learn, it brings such awareness as to how my body feels and is a sensation that money couldn’t buy. When I first learned this technique I knew how profound it was and how it could change the lives of all those open to learning it. It breaks away from the myth about meditating being a mind emptying, long winded process when you can do this technique in 3-5minutes and it is so so real.
I agree Ariana, and what is more shocking is that a lot of the time we are not even aware that we are controlling others. Whether we are angry, being nice, pandering, if we do something in order to make someone feel a certain way, then we are controlling.
Tim that is so true, a lot of the time we are not even aware we are doing this. This is where bringing conscious presence to everything, allows us to truly connect to our inner most and be aware of what we are doing and how we are being. Thank you to Serge for presenting to us how important it is to bring everything back to conscious presence.
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” It is such a temptation to interfere and impose on others in the name of doing good and being helpful. Pausing, standing back and observing ourselves and others cuts that harming impulse and allows so much space for truer communication.Thank you for making this very clear, and how it changes our lives and relationships.
Thank you Susan for this reminder about not fixing or offering solutions to others with a problem. Serge Benhayon recently presented about giving another space by being with them and allowing them to speak freely and not offer a solution or fix them with your answers. I have applied this and practiced this and it really is incredible. It also means I am not drained and in fact I feel more expanded as I feel in that moment that I am enough and just being with the other person is enough. This is new for me but my intention is to keep practicing this as it sure works.
I love this Susan and to start with i thought you were writing about me as I relate well to where your sharing began. So beautiful to let go of feeling responsible for others and ‘trying to fix’ them and their issues. As you say as we step back and allow people the space to feel their way it is very empowering for them and less draining for us to impose our will on anothers situation, which for me used to come from the outcome being the one that suited me best and not really considering them at all. An interesting pattern and one certainly great to see and let go.
I agree Beverley, and letting go of that ‘fixing’ meant I didn’t have to try to make things happen by fixing and so didn’t need to spend energy on going against what is to naturally unfold.
Since first reading this blog just a couple of days ago, my appreciation of the power of just being me and observing has expanded greatly. Just being present with another, or others is a great gift of allowing them the space to be themselves – something so very simple, but deeply profound and healing. Thank you Susan for the Love you share in your writing here.
Susan in the last few days I’ve started to uncover areas of my life where the “me” I thought was “me” is not really me at all. To build and be moulded into the person I became there are habits and actions that then result. What I’ve found interesting, unnerving & miraculous, with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners, is that with each thing that drops away I feel another part of me – the real me that I was not concisely aware of. With this just being me takes on a whole new meaning as its first asking, what is just me?
Wow thank you Susan, you have delivered many key life lessons in one simple article. I really appreciate what you have shared too as I also have been a “fixer”. I really connected to: “trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone”.
Thank you, Susan, “bringing my head in line with what my body is doing” is certainly the way forth. Absolutely essential in order to connect to the all-knowing wisdom and beauty ever waiting within each of us.
Dear Susan Thankyou for your blog as I read it at the end of my day and I had an experience earlier today where I felt someone doing exactly what you speak of, using another’s problem to avoid being with your self. I have also used this method of distraction. To then choose to be in presence feels deeply healing.
I’ve really been noticing this the last few days, it is amazing how strong the urge can be to offer solutions to people, and how often I can feel they are even pushing for an answer, yet I know that it is far more supportive to not offer the solution or the fix but to listen then give them space to reflect on what they have shared. This really is incredibly powerful and it was so beautifully explained by Serge Benhayon at a recent presentation he offered. Thank you Susan for sharing your story as it has offered a great perspective on this, a hot topic for everyone everyday I would say if we so allow it and are willing to practice observation rather than intervention.
Susan I could really relate to this blog, especially “trusting the process of life” and giving space to someone to learn from their choices in life. I am grateful to Universal Medicine because I did not learn it anywhere else, but somehow I know it is true.
Trusting the process is something I am embracing recently. Just allowing myself to feel and express without needing to know more or the ins and outs of why. It is a very freeing feeling knowing that what I feel is enough, and by trusting in that, more is then revealed.
Thank you, Susan. Your visits to a friend in the nursing home are a beautiful example of how incredibly powerful it is when we our ‘ourselves’ and bring that to another. Not imposing, just being ….’When I visited her and I stayed present with myself more consciously, just being me, then things started to change for both of us; her whole demeanour began to alter and her face looked soft, serene and pain-free’. You gave her the space, and inspiration to connect more deeply with herself. Such a gift.
Wow Susan, I love how you have clearly shown how trying to fix someone is imposing and in the end is no true help for anyone. There is no effort in being ourselves, and this just allows the other person to drop their guard. Thank you for sharing this important revelation!
Agree totally with your comment samanthaengland – it’s such a great leading when you’re not trying to fix the world and just be with your body, re-learning to observe and not absorb as a great man has presented may times, and that great man is Serge Benhayon.
Great point Samantha; by being ourselves it allows the other person to ‘drop their guard’ and protection. When they do not feel imposed upon they are much more likely to open up and express honestly.
And from two honest expressions absolutely magical moments can unfold and all can be of a simplicity beyond belief.
Minding my own business and “getting on with it” is a work in progress for me and Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has presented what this actually does to our body when we get involved and try and fix other people who we think have problems. It sure is a great way to take the focus off yourself and not get on with what you need to in order to inspire others and evolve. One thing I know is when I ‘try’ to fix another person who I think has a problem or they ask me, I get tangled as its not my stuff. The truth is I do not have the answer, they do. It’s their body and their issue and all I need to do is understand that, don’t judge them and inspire them by how I live.
I really do get it and it is such a freedom inside my body to keep practicing this way of living and reminding myself of what I have just said here.
It truly is a point of freedom Bina, when we ‘get’ that we all have the answers within ourselves; it is trusting ourselves and trusting another to connect with this truth which may take more than this one life to realise!
Bernadette so true. There is a freedom in knowing we are bearers of wisdom and as you say trusting ourselves and trusting another to connect to this truth is a consistent work in progress.
Its a grand work bernadetteglass, one worth embracing no matter how long it takes…
So well said Bina ” The truth is I do not have the answer, they do. It’s their body and their issue and all I need to do is understand that, don’t judge them and inspire them by how I live.” It is so easy to become distracted in another person’s life and conveniently forget about our own issues. When we focus on our own lives and get on with sorting out our own problems, we offer others a clear reference point, a living example that supports them to find a clear way in a rather muddy world. This is the real beauty of Serge Benhayon, he doesn’t get involved, he embodies the clear way and one we can all observe and apply to our own lives if we so choose to.
I love what you’ve shared here Rowena.
Awesome Bina, true wisdom.
Great point Bina and great blog Susan. I recently realised how I look to others to validate my every next move. I use helping others as a way of guiding myself through my life…completely suspending myself in other people’s needs to prevent myself from feeling the void that is ever growing as year after year I judge and compare myself as less. Think of the damage and manipulation that way of being is imposing on those relationships…blimey. But without a shadow of a doubt gentle breath meditation to re-connect with my body and being more true to me is opening me up to a more honest world, one where I can appreciate choices like that above are not really what I am about, and as Susan describes appreciating how as I continue to explore this so my relationships with others are more real and are richer..
This is so true Bina, ‘The truth is I do not have the answer, they do. It’s their body and their issue and all I need to do is understand that, don’t judge them’, this is something that I am working on at the moment and it feels like such freedom to not be trying to fix everyones problems, I have noticed that by simply listening and being there for someone that this is so much more powerful and appreciated whereas when i get involved and give my advice i can feel a resentment from the person for this and i get left frustrated.
Beautifully put Bina
Beautifully expressed BIna, very clear and simple, thank you.
Love it Bina. Nail on the head!
Yes a great point here that you make Bina. A couple of years ago I had a boyfriend who I was wanting to change or fix certain things about him. This took me away from looking at my own issues that I needed to deal with. It was a distraction away from me. I have since realised that as soon as I go into wanting to “fix someone else” that there is something within myself that I need to take a step back and have a look at.
You most certainly are an inspiration Bina Pattel. I have learnt that I DO know the answers to my own ‘problems’ and I am truly learning to appreciate that, and trust my innate knowing. After all, who can we truly trust but ourselves, goes back to the old saying ‘the body is the marker of all truth’.
To stay with your body and yourself and observe without the need to fix, allowing others space to responsible for their own lives, this is offering true healing.
Yes ruthketnor, and how very simple this is.
I totally agree. Really that’s as simple as life is and needs to be!
Observe and not absorb, takes practice but so true Ruth.
I agree Sandra, not absorbing has taken loads of practice and much presence.
It was interesting when you wrote ‘I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life and this fact alone means that I now have less stress and a more joyful life’. – this makes perfect sense that if we take on other peoples worries we would feel burdened and disturbed about things we have no control over and at the end of the day isn’t it their lesson to sort these things out for themselves, otherwise we rob them of the opportunity to grow. So it seems to me that by trying to help and fix things isn’t necessarily truly helping someone.
That’s a really good point Julie, when we try to help or ‘fix’ things in truth we are doing the absolute opposite. However, this doesn’t mean to say just walk away, we can still help another by standing on the side line supporting them with love (unconditionally) while they take and make the loving choices needed to change.
Yes Julie. I feel that when we try to help others fix themselves there is unequal-ness that creates tension/stress and in truth nothing changes. In fact the whole dynamic is simply reinforced.
This is a great point Richard, “In fact the whole dynamic is simply reinforced”. If we have any attachment to being the ‘fixer’ or being identified with any other role, we are not able to truly meet another in equal-ness.
Richard, what a great point you make about making others feel unequal by trying to fix their problems. This statement has created a shift in me, thanks for sharing.
Yes this is absolutely true and I hadn’t really thought of it like that before but it does make so much sense. As soon as we try to help someone fix themselves we are saying “something is wrong with you, you need fixing”, rather than standing beside that person and saying “you are already whole”.
Very true Richard and something to consider what does it truly mean to help and support another because fixing someone definitely isn’t that.
“So it seems to me that by trying to help and fix things isn’t necessarily truly helping someone”
Its one thing to ‘try’ to fix things for another which is imposing and not allowing them to learn for themselves, and another thing to support and call behaviours out for what they are, so that they become aware of behaviours and they can make a choice to evolve or not. I know I appreciate it when someone calls out a behaviour in me that isn’t love or going to evolve me, and I have found that the direct, but caring approach always works.
Yes and as one who has put myself in the position of being fixed it feels very dis-empowering because the message is I can’t do it myself and there is something wrong with me. Of course the truth is I’ve set the situation up to reinforce this.
There is also a pressure to please the fixer, to satisfy their needs. It is a controlling relationship because of this, the threat of the one with the solutions leaving can create a dependency.
Being with people who are simply themselves allows me to be myself and feel how alright I really am 🙂
Absolutely Julie, taking on other people’s problems can be really harming, because you don’t know the reasons they have them and the root causes, meaning that you don’t have the information to work through them and yet they are in your body, making you feel worried or sad or angry.
Hello Julie and I agree. We play a part in any relationship and while we aren’t there as you say to be “burdened” we are there to support them which in turn supports us. How do you support someone without going into to “help or fix things” by “connecting to the quality of who I am within.” I have found that from there everyone is supported in every way.
This is great to read Susan, ‘As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve. I continued to take care of her daily needs but I did it with more love because I stayed present with myself and I found that I could now visit without becoming tired and drained.’ I have noticed that when I try to fix peoples issues that it is really tiring and never works, I am learning to accept people as they are and this feels so much more loving and less judgemental and then allows the person to make their own choices without me imposing what I think is right for them.
Absolutely rebeccawingrave, and what I’ve noticed is that those ‘fixes’ that we think are right come back later down the line as a complication or a big mess, because the action we took was not true for the other person or the situation being presented to them.
I agree Rosanna for who are we to know what is true for another from the fragment of their life that we see… putting our 2 pence in is just imposing our energy into the fragment… that they have to then extract to be able to see the whole again untainted and have the clarity necessary to address it.
Allowing myself to just be me, with no expectations or ideas of how I should be, naturally then allows others the space to just be themselves as well. It really makes for a much more relaxed exchange and most of the time a deeply healing one for all. Thanks Susan for your blog as it has reminded me of this simplicity.
This reminds me of something someone shared with me recently and that is that the Soul loves simplicity.
My experience is that it sure does!
To understand who I truly am is an everyday exploration. My body is telling the truth. When I listen and when I am honest I understand myself and come closer to who I truly am. Then I feel the joy of this choice in my body and life becomes simple and joyful.
Thank you Susan for relating the story about your visits with the woman in the nursing home. I could feel the power in her being able to settle into just being herself as a result of you maintaining that deep connection with you. What an amazing gift for you both. A shining example of how we serve simply by being ourselves.
‘A shining example of how we serve simply by being ourselves.’ Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
“I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me by connecting to the quality of who I am within.” – What an awesome blog Susan, I agree – we truly support others when we are just being ourselves.
Yes, so simple! Yet so very powerful! I love this blog. There is a deep reminder for us all that we all have the answers to our own questions, we have but to listen.
The simplicity and power of our presence is all that is required to inspire another to tap into the wisdom and love within themselves. Thank you.
Love this Shirley-Ann “…minding my own business, energetically”. Since reading Susan’s blog, I’ve been so much more aware of this and have stopped myself a few times from stepping in and taking responsibility for a situation, and it feels great, very freeing to just allow things to be the way they are.
Just being me, makes a lot of things so much easier, not that I’m always am with myself but when I am, I feel there is much less investment in an autcome or a need of recognition because everything is already there.
Beautiful acknowledgement Benkt van Haastrecht of the power of realising ‘everything is already there’. To me this reveals that it is when we are not being ourselves that we seek recognition and outcomes.
I know only too well how draining it is when we take on the role of being a fixer, apart from giving our own power away, we also prevent those we are trying to fix, from learning and growing from their own life experiences. Very arrogant and imposing, to say the least. Susan thank you for sharing this blog, I will be returning to read it again .
If we lead a life that is governed by our hurts, it’s difficult to ‘be me’ because who am I without these stories that define who I am. After untangling myself from the many ideas I had of what life was about, I’m truly beginning to understand what being me is all about.
So simple and so powerful Susan. Especially the line – ‘by accepting, loving and appreciating who I am’. I practice living these simple words regularly and it is powerful to feel how much has changed in my body and in my life. Great sharing – thank you.
I love what you have written here Susan – I feel inspired by the simplicity of just being me.
Hi Susan, I love the simplicity of what you present in this blog, it comes back to each of us choosing to be “us” no matter what the situation. Your beautiful example shows how just being you, you allowed your friend to be her and not a problem to fix. It brings true responsibility and allows what is there for each person to be felt in full, not seeking outside of ourselves but feeling what is there within, our truth. Thank you for sharing your experience, I feel many will benefit from what you have shared.
I really enjoyed reading your blog Susan. What a joy it is to discover there is nothing to do or fix and wow, look how things changed when you accepted being you was enough – so simply beauty-full.
I can so relate to what you have shared here Susan. The Gentle Breath Meditation is an awesome tool to bring us back to ourselves. Thank you.
Susan, this is a great read and also the fact that the teachings of Universal Medicine reach far and wide across the country and globe. How simple it is when we acknowledge and surrender to just being ourself and not trying to fix everything for everyone. I can fully understand what you say. When we are able to connect to our body and the other person quite naturally the conversation opens up. Wonderful.
Absolutely, Francene, there’s such a loveliness and ease, and a true connection with another person when we are not trying to be anything other than ourselves.
I love learning from people who speak from learned experience and here stands a great example of that. Thanks Susan.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” How simple and uncomplicated is that for both of you – no fixing, your friend is not going to feel imposed on, and at the same time you can still care and love for her.
Very beautiful Susan – and very apt this morning as I head out into my working day. Your sharing has helped me to recognise just how much I have felt responsible for trying to fix the issues others have. How imposing! The choice to simply be who we are and observe is truly empowering – thank you.
Susan – being honest – I’ve spend the past 28 years living from my head too – that’s a lot of time to not truly consider my body and how I truly feel. Thank you for this loving reminder of feeling what’s going on in our bodies and breaking this pattern.
When I got divorced and moved to another part of the country, apart from a few friends who lived there, no-one know who I was, and I took on a simple job where I didn’t have to pretend to be good at anything, I could simply be me. It was like being born again and having the opportunity to express who I truly am instead of pretending to be everything I thought I needed to be – supportive wife, good mother, efficient manager, great neighbour. Now I am simply me – I love my job, it’s fun, I love my colleagues, my neighbours and everyone I meet, because it’s simply not a struggle any more, I just feel and express all of me, from the inside out, and it feels great!
Fantastic Carmel!
Returning to the true me is an experience which takes my choice to be me, my dedication and openess to learn and the consistency in every single day.
Susan, thank you for such an insight into the simple life, and true joy that I aspire to.
Your blog is simply beautiful and highlights just how complicated we can make life. When we hold our presence and do not engage it is a blessing for both people in so many ways.
I agree Matthew. In my experience it is even stronger – when we just hold ourselves, our presence has an enormous influence even when we don’t say anything.
Thank you Susan, for the beautiful simplicity of your blog, I well know what your are saying as part of my way of helping people was to fix their problems. This certainly was exhausting. I have almost given away the fixing urge and starting to connect more with what I am feeling in my body , the words ” just being me,” brings a smile to my face, so simple.
A lovely sharing Susan. And thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon we have the understanding that being us, is more than enough and is everything.
Hi Susan, I have just re-read your article and the key lines that stood out for me today were “If I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation this allows more space for people to be more responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” These few lines were as a light-bulb moment, a reminder again for me following a certain situation when out visiting yesterday – a reminder to observe, not absorb and allow others the space to be responsible for their own situation. I loved your blog, thank you.
Thanks Roberta – what you have said applies to me equally – “to observe, and not absorb” and to not judge the situation as bad or needing to be fixed. As I am learning to be consciously present more, the less I judge others and myself, and know that I am not responsible for other people’s choices.
Yes I can recognize that at one time I had that trait within me; as well as putting others before me without caring or loving myself first. Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have learnt heaps and cleared so many unloving and nonsupporting old ideals and beliefs that I carried.
Yes we have always been praised for being involved in the community or helping people less fortunate, but when you realise we all have had the same choices it throws a whole new light on people’s situations. Now I take responsibility for my own actions leaving others to do the same and in their time. I feel free of the guilt that used to drive the continual attempts to rescue everyone in some way. Yes exhausting!
That guilt is exhausting and crippling merrileepettinato. Nothing is ever ‘good enough’ or ‘complete’ when guilt is the motivator. I’m learning freedom is being totally responsible for what I do and allowing everyone else the same grace.
You two ladies raise a great point – when we make our lives about solving other people’s problems, and get no results, the guilt of that is both exhausting and crippling. As you say Sandra we then sign up to a rollercoaster of ‘you’ll never be good enough’ whilst still trying to help others and receive relief when they respond.
Such beauty and truth in your words, Susan. I have a real sense of you allowing and surrendering through your connection with your self and with life – an acceptance of your part in the greater unfoldment of it all, and extending that acceptance to all others. It’s exquisite! Thank you.
Absolutely Nicole. People need the space to have their own learning from their own situations that are there for them, have been only lived by them. By us interfering we are actually dis-empowering and belittling that others do not have the same knowing of their own wisdom to undo what has come to them and been created by them.
So well said johanna08smith. It is actually arrogant to assume that people cannot sort their problems out on their own. It is enough simply to be available to offer a helping hand should we be asked.
Continuously offering solutions is exhausting and backward; what places the responsibility on the one who needs to take it, is to continuously offer a clear reflection.
Copy that Oliver – I’ve tried the solutions path for many, many years. It quickly wears me out and the list of problems is simple inexhaustible. Far better for me to sort myself out, and then offer that as a living example of a true way of living.
I look back with embarrassment at my 18 years as a personal development coach, advising others how to sort their lives when my own was in a mess – it’s much more fun now simply being me and seeing the miracles that happen around me as people change their lives without my saying anything at all!
Giving advice and offering solutions is actually really harmful. The more I sit with it and reflect the impact it has had on me, the more I realise how harmful it is. When people are in a challenging situation, they can be emotional, and having a solution offered may feel like a great relief and answer to their problem. But if it isn’t coming from them, it may only be a band aid solution or even be a step away from their true path.
So true Sandra. It offers a diversion to the true healing that could take place when someone feels it for themselves and then responsibly makes choices to deal with what is at hand and get the support that they need.
Susan, such a powerful yet simple message that you have delivered through your experience. How lovely to be reminded that the simplicity of just being with another with total acceptance of them and no need to fix or find solutions is what can bring such a loving transformation. Thank you!
I can relate to this Ariana, and recognise that fixing something to the way I thought it should all work out, was in fact a way of taking control of a situation – so that it didn’t cause me any upset or potential issues. But in doing so I was stopping the other making their own choices and learning from the experiences that were being presented to them.
I’ve been a sucker for this one too Rosanna – using the ‘fixing’ as a means to control. When my kids have a problem, if I can fix it then I feel better about myself and it takes the problem away for them. But then where is the learning in that for them?
I too am not taking things on so much anymore Susan and am amazed at how much more energy I have!
This is such a great point. I also know that taking on others energy also puts extra weight on my body that doesn’t belong to me.
Susan this is an incredible blog, it brought a ridiculous about of insight for me.. When I started reading it I was like ‘hey, this sounds familiar’ as I noticed this pattern of mine earlier today.. Your blog was a little confirmation and band wagon of support to just keep noticing these things about trying to fix people and find solutions or answers for them. It further opened up the possibility that I simply just have to be myself and that creates so much space when I’m with others. All I have to do is just be me..(good old words from one of Chris James’s songs I do believe)
And the final words of another Chris James song ‘Are You Wise’ too – ‘Just Beeeeiinng!’
Haha love it Richard.
As you say, going around trying to fix people’s lives and problems is a very exhausting way to live and no match for handing back the responsibility and giving them the freedom to do what they know needs doing.
This is truly what it is all about. Bringing ourselves into the relationship, just being us, connected to the body. I have taken a long way to end up back to me again. Thanks for writing it all so clearly down. It feels like a final yes to….I am enough.
This is so beautiful and simple and allows a great freedom and joy, thank you Susan. I love how you say “I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body, trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!”
Susan the reflection the woman provided you with is just beautiful, and one for all of us – we are enough, just by being ourselves.
An enormous relief to be responsible for yourself and not have to worry about fixing anybody! Another important point was not being attached to outcomes – I remember letting go of this one and another layer of exhaustion healed in my body.
Great point Jo always up for clearing another layer. 🙂
Having come from years of attempting to save people, I have noticed that along with the exhaustion, how deeply disempowering it is to take on the responsibility for another of their woes… also how much complication and delay it can bring to them choosing the true healing that is there waiting for them to face what needs to be addressed to solve their own issues.
So beautifully described Susan, i am also developing the absolutely knowing that are I more than enough as I am and especially not trying to solve everyone’s problems and issues.
Absolutely Nicole – diving into other people’s problems ready to fix and solve them is just a way of complicating life, and thus avoiding actually evolving ourselves and dealing with our own issues.
So true Susie, it is so easy to see what another person needs to do to sort their issues out, but it is a just a big distraction to stop up from seeing what we need to do and applying it. Learning how to be all of who we are is a good way to get our noses and energy out of other people’s business and apply our own medicine to our own woes!
You have a made a good point there Susie, could it be that trying to fix another’s problems is a form of control, wanting a certain outcome for ourselves, keeping us in our comfort, and I have never thought about it being something we do to not want to evolve and look at our own stuff.
Very true Susie, well said.
This is very true Susie, something I can feel needs much more attention.
Yes, spot on Susie.
So wonderfully simple isn’t it Susan. When we just allow ourselves to just be. That is all that is needed in any given moment and if we go off track to know that we can always return.
I love the feeling in this blog of acceptance and surrender, that life can be so simple and there is no need to strive, achieve or be more than how your body humbly lives and loves each day.
Yes I completely agree. If I’m honest, a lot of my wanting to fix situations and people(!) came from wanting the praise for doing so and wasn’t ever about caring for that person. So letting go of the fixing feels full of grace. Space is given for divinity and who knows what miracles can happen then. I know as I allow this space in my life, I am breaking the illusion that to care for people is to fix them. I can’t wait for society to break the many cycles of dependency.
Yes Janet, how simple when we accept that we are already everything… And that all there is to do is be who we are in whatever we do.
janetwilliams06 this is beautiful. It is such a deep surrender to totally let our body lead the way and accept how powerful this is.
Yes Janet, so beautiful as Vicky expressed. To feel the simplicity of this and surrender to who we – as I read this I could feel the outer shell of complications being shed like a snake skin. No more impositions on others, just a simple acceptance that who we are is enough. The relationship with self is key.
To live this way janetwilliams06 is The Way of the Livingness and what a way it is. Living the love we are all from in our human bodies.
I agree Janet – acceptance and surrender stood out for me too in the example Susan gave about accepting her friend and how this shifted the relationship between them. This was also beautifully written in another article I read recently about being fit for life according to Serge Benhayon.
This line written by Miranda Benhayon in particular stood out for me ‘To allow and to bring a wide and thoughtful understanding of all people, however they are or come – See more at: http://www.unimedliving.com/serge-benhayon/who-is-serge/health-and-fitness/are-you-fit-for-life-part-2.html
“I had been searching for this truth all my life but had focussed on solutions to life’s issues instead of realising that the truth of everything is inside us all ” Profound words Susan – ones we can all learn from and teach our young people too.
Absolutely Sueq2012, it’s a moment of absolute joy to feel that everything that we have ever become focused or obsessive about has all been a side track to feeling the fact that it’s all within. Yes it can be an ouch to see how lost we have been on the outside, but this is nothing compared to the absolute empowerment in the knowing that we already have every answer we have ever needed.
You are right Shevon, doing things from our heads comes from our pictures, and we sometimes assume that other peoples picture are the same as ours, or we would LIKE them to be the same as ours, and this causes friction and tension in the body, when all it takes is to let it go and let our hearts do the talking.
Wanting to help and fix things is so ingrained in us, we are taught from young to be helpful and are encouraged and praised for going out of our way to do this, It has been a hard pattern for me to break, I couldn’t see how helping someone could be harming, yet it is exhausting and draining and takes away the responsibility from others. I can still catch myself doing it but I am more aware now to stop and feel if I am really supporting someone or just trying to fix a problem.
I agree Alison, it is a hard one to break because it comes under the guise of helping. I can feel when I’ve started to do it because everything in the conversation becomes a struggle and has a kind of dead feeling. This is the sign for me that I have left myself and overstepped the other’s boundaries. It also feels very arrogant, like “I know better than you”, and so not appreciating the other as equal. None of this is love, whereas to take a step back and allow space gives both of us the opportunity to be ourselves.
Interesting, it is indeed stepping over other one’s boundaries ánd taking away the responsibility from others. Wow, such a different way of looking at ‘helping’. And indeed where is appreciation in all this? Not at all a sense of equality. What if this is taught at an early age: we are all equal, we all make our own choices in life and loving is to allow the other his/her choices without judgment and/or wanting to fix his/her life.
True Joan. The guise of helping, doing the right thing, being a ‘good’ person and being polite. . . Are all ideals and beliefs that have been put in us – if we don’t do things this way then we are laced with feeling like we are not a good person, which is totally false because, us being us is completely enough. We are all enough as we are. So all we need is to just Be.
The absence of equal-ness is important to see – I agree Joan. It leaves the person being ‘fixed’ less than the fixer and in so doing, actually reinforces the underlying issue.
Hi joanchristinecalder – I really relate to the shift in the conversation to a struggle and dead feeling, I have experienced this as well. For me it feels like it goes from two people sharing to one person imposing.
I can relate to what you have share here alisonmoir. The idea initially that helping someone is harming shocked me as it was something that was so familiar to me. I have come to understand that true assistance only comes through a reflection of just simply being who we are without the trying so another has the opportunity to feel for themselves who they are.
It is very true Alison we are taught this from young and also told that we are good if we do, which adds another layer of thinking we are doing the right thing.
Yes, Shirley-Anne, being “way too kind” has got me into deep waters in the past that I could not get out of easily, especially taking on friends who are waifs and strays looking for someone to attach to who have filled the gap in me that needs to be needed. Ouch! it feels horrible now and so complicated and convoluted and usually ended up with a lot of hurt on both sides. Knowing oneself to be enough, observing the other, and being open but not engaging with their problems is the way to be more loving and supportive.
Hi Susan, I really enjoyed reading this again, I came to the realisation that who I am is enough and I can just bring that to people.
Well said Melinda, who I am is enough! Living from this knowing provides a true healing.
Love it – the simplicity of being me.
What a stunning realisation to get to in a world where striving to be more is the norm and feeling enough a true rarity.
Anything we do from a point of feeling responsible for someone is in fact imposing and/or manipulating. What truly supports us and everyone is to just be ourselves and from there let unfold what is needed.
It sure is imposing and manipulating and it also disempowers the other. The reflection we give when we are ourselves and with ourselves is far more empowering than when we are trying to fix the life of the other.
It’s really that simple, I just have to be me, present in my body. I know that, have experienced that, but I still fall into the old patterns of trying to control and fix things from my head – and how stressful and draining that is. But my stubborn mind just doesn’t want to believe that it is that simple.
Thank you for sharing this blog, I need a reminder from time to time.
Thank you Susan, this is a gorgeous exposure of the simple truth that love is enough. There is no solution to be found because when we can accept and allow ourselves to live this love, while there are still many things that need to be seen to, the ‘problem’ no longer exists. The problem is always and only our departure from the wisdom (love) that enables us to perceive things as they truly are and know how to respond – with every particle of us.
Thanks for sharing Susan. Your realisations around not fixing people and offering solutions because you feel ‘responsible’ for their condition, would be an awesome thing for all carers to be aware of (as well as all of us in all our relationships!) It leaves everyone free to feel, see and choose. True compassion, ‘Live and let live’.
Thanks Susan for sharing your unfolding back to who you truly are.
Susan, it was great to feel how being ourselves we stop imposing on another, which creates space for them to be themselves. Everyone’s a winner.
Thank you for sharing this lovely insight Susan. So beautiful to know that we don’t need to be anything other than who we are.
Today I did what you have written about. A scenario appealed to the old desire in me to be needed, to feel useful and (arrgh!) to be better than another, and instantly in I jumped with both feet and started ‘fixing’. Only later I realised what energy I had engaged in, and how horrible it felt in my body and in my head. When I took the time to feel the action, it felt very far from the truly helpful and caring gesture that I used to think it was. Thank you for this blog that has prompted a greater honesty in this area.
Wow this is a great insight for me too Golnaz, only by feeling the action that we are choosing can we truly get a sense of how it affects our bodies – a far cry from what we think it gives.
I agree, Golnaz and Susan, ‘fixing’ feels awful when one really connects within. A big contrast with the ‘brownie points feeling’ we have been trained to get from helping others. I find that now, since becoming much more aware of what’s going on energetically in communications with others, that if there is an imposing energy of helping by ‘fixing” in me, it will come back many-fold as a big slap of some kind from the other person, an unpleasant reaction that quickly reflects the energy accurately. Although yukky, this is great, because it can show up what’s going on even when it is so subtle that I miss catching it in myself before it is expressed. A great process of learning by feeling, like riding a bike or any other process of finding the true way to be and move in what one is doing.
.. thanks Diane and Janet, I also feel that by wanting to fix things, I loose the clarity of the situation for myself and therefore for that person or situation that I am trying to fix too.
I am also developing a greater appreciation of the power of just being me. The more I appreciate just being me and allow people to accept responsibility for themselves, the less I feel the need to control what ever is going on.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed”…my whole body expands when I hear/read words like this. I love that through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have finally come home to realise that what being just me is – well learning along the way as it ever unfolds. That we are all love, and we are often not met with that or given the opportunity to be it, so we choose to dim it and not be it but it is our sole (and soul!) duty to just be love.
Lovely blog Susan. Thank you . I have very much been a fixer. A role I took on from early childhood. It is something I have been addressing in my life and have very much felt the arrogance that was laced in my need to fix. Another aspect that you have supported me in going deeper with is the huge aspect of control, an aspect that I hadn’t fully felt into but now feel how this played a big part in such behaviour. Thank you for this.
Thank you Susan, living life trying to fix everybody else problems is exhausting. Lovely sharing of how you turned this around by just simply being you and others feeling the essence of who you are.
I am certainly inspired to just be in my body and feel the truth that I am enough just being me and not going into fix it mode. Though I do allow myself this at times I feel there is a beautiful depth I’ve not given myself permission to be.
It is beautiful to read your blog – I feel how powerful it it is for you, that you are claiming yourself and not acting out for others without regard for yourself. It just doesn’t want something from the other person and I can feel the true support that is given through you being you.
That’s a lovely blog Susan. You have just exposed that wanting to fix or overtake responsibilities or looking at others first is a way of control! Simply walking and living with the flow, what’s truly needed and not what you might “think” is to be done, would mean to accept the way of life. Accept everyone just as they are. And ourselves as well. With everything we bring. And that it’s simply to bring joy and love through being authentic, present and in full with the love coming from the body. Precious!
What you have written is absolutely beautiful “This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.” If someone else knows you can get there then it opens the door of possibility to know it yourself – what a gift to another person.
Truly beautiful to read your blog Susan. I love how you’ve shared about the connection with your breath and your body, and how this is the reference by which you hold yourself in any interaction in your day.
There is never any ‘perfection’ in this, is there… but to me, the true ‘perfection’ (if there is such a thing…), or might I say, the true loving way that is available to us, is just what you’ve described here – a committed way of being present with ourselves, which supports us in arresting the parts of us that feel we need to be more, to take on others’ issues/fix things, and the rest.
There is so much shared in your blog that I am in no doubt will resonate with many, and will also be a relief to read, “I am not responsible for anyone else’s life ‘. That choice as I am learning is with them, to let go of this need or belief allows for much more freedom, joy and space in our body and our life.
Dear Susan, thank you for your blog, this line deeply resonated with me ” I am beginning to realise how powerful it is just being me”.
I felt the same about this line Gylrae, we think we are helping by trying to fix another’s problems, in this we can miss where the true power of helping lies, which is being ourselves.
A great sharing and reminder that there really isn’t anything that we need ‘to do’ apart from simply being ourselves. This is the greatest healing that we can offer anyone.
I love your blog Susan and as a former problem solver I have learned that the more I ‘sit back’ and am just with me, the more I am meeting the other person and in that they are supported to find their own answers.
I love the simplicity of this blog, it’s so inspiring to feel how easy it is to be ourselves. It’s also a willingness to be honest about the things we do, (such as trying to fix problems), where we are not just being ourselves, but instead going into something with an agenda, as these get exposed the more we just be.
I found a very effective way of hiding in the past was to, as you did, steer people where I thought they should go instead of offering them a loving, true choice. The effect of us doing less than being loving gets noticed by the other who then has no reason of being jealous of us.
I wonder if that was the whole point why we were being less supportive than we could have been.
What a powerful point Christoph, one I feel has been true for me. Thank you.
Wow! That’s a revelation and a half, Christoph. It definitely feels to be the case that not being us and fixing / steering others is from a hiding to offset the possible threat of jealousy when we are connected with ourselves in love.
Amazing how simple it all is – no need to fix other people’s dilemmas gives them the space to take responsibility and take the appropriate action and gives us the space to live free of the burden of over-responsibility, inadequacy and guilt.
“As I became more open to accepting her as she was, then magically there didn’t seem to be any problems to solve.” I love this line Susan, all we need to do is be the grace that we are.
Susan, I have also learnt that fixing other people’s problems is exhausting and I am learning to not go there. I probably felt I always had to do something as just being me was not enough. However as you pointed out everyone makes their own choices and we need to allow life to unfold for them as it needs to and to support hem in their process. I love the truth and simplicity in what you have written.
In reading this article I can feel how much I try and fix things or should I say control things. And yet all of this stops me from being me. Time to let go of getting involved in things I do not need to be involved with and enjoy being myself.
I second that Sally, time to let go and enjoy the amazing space of me.
What a wonderful gift to receive Susan and then to share with everyone, that life takes care of us all, when we just be oursevles, I will take this into my day.
‘I used to suggest solutions to problems or issues and steer people to what I thought would be solving the problem without really connecting to what would be truly supportive for that person to gain a new understanding for themselves as to why the issue was happening in the first place’. I too have been guilty of doing this, Susan, and as you say, it’s exhausting. In some instances I believe I felt responsible for finding an outcome, as though it was down to me – which is incredibly arrogant and of course, futile. No one else can find a true solution for you, you have to figure that out for yourself, but more importantly, choose to give some awareness and honesty as to why it happened in the first place. That’s the first step to a real solution and a stop to a pattern of behaviour that isn’t serving you.
That fixing and rescuing at times can feel like a drug, an addiction that if we were to stop suddenly the world would end, people we are trying so hard to ‘care for’ would be lesser without our efforts etc. But all of this holds those we try to fix as less, holding them in ‘you need to be fixed and I am the saviour’ it’s a self-centred identification covered up as ‘helping others’. This completely obscures the fact that everyone can and does make their own choices in life and everyone can save themselves as I have experienced from my involvement in Universal Medicine’s presentations. I am the one that makes my choices about life and others make their own choices, I am the one who heals and fixes what I created and it is a process that cannot be done for us. Thank you Susan for sharing that when we stop trying to fix or rescue others it allows them the space to see that they can save themselves.
Well said Leighmatson.
This need to fix I relate to very much. It was a way to not connect with myself and be busy with others. It is a great feeling to be connected with myself first and from there have a connection with others. It’s work in progress, and very rewarding.
i found the same, working on others peoples problems was a great distraction from my own! And as you say in ruth it is about connection first and foremost.
Absolutely; needing to fix others is definitely a way of disconnecting to myself by focusing on others’ problems.
This is a great post saying much to the reader what life is really about and how easy it is. But is it easy to “just be me”?
Our world seems to be designed to take us away from our core essence which is the real you and so it is like we have to learn to trust that innate part of us and the way to do that is stay connected to our body.
I had certainly lost “me” on the way to growing up and it was only when I met Serge Benhayon did I get the practical tools to allow me to feel and now live the “real me”.
The beauty of being the real me is that I really don’t worry what people think or don’t think of me because I feel deeply content inside me and that is enough. Every day is different but one thing that never changes is the untouched, precious and sacred essence which resides inside me.
If I lose the plot then I need to remind myself of who I am in Truth and use my practical ways to get connected back to my body. It works for me and it keeps things simple.
Hi Susan,
What a gift to give anyone, the reflection of you just being you so they can be who they are and letting go of the control of trying to fix others problems – totally relate to this! Love is much more powerful than any ‘doing’.
I am understanding this more and more that love and being me is far more important than anything I can do.
Susan, this is very gorgeous, what a great way to live, ‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.’
The simplicity and power of being oneself is very supportive to read. I grew up believing my power came from a drive to do things and a drive to change things. This was constant hard work that never came to true fruition. As I allow myself to simply be me in a growing amount of my life the changes that naturally occur without trying are quite incredible and the inner frustration of living a lie disappears.
Susan what you say is true. The more present we are with ourselves when we are with others, the less there is to do.
Yes, Susan it is simple.
I was doing the same for over 50 years. And now enjoying breathing my own breath and more and more enjoying the freedom it gives me and others around me.
Susan, letting go of a lifetime of fixing others problems is something I am working on too. As you say, staying with me and my body is key, like you I have recently discovered more of an observer within me that can just see and allow others to be, offering my support where I am impulsed. I like what you say, ‘this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes’. My being not attached to outcomes, is a letting go of control and judgment of the way I think it should be. Such a relief not to have this tension.
This is a very simple but important message that you have delivered Susan, the power of just connecting to ourselves is all that is required
Thank you, Susan. I love how you capture the simplicity of living connected to our breath, our body and therefore the wisdom of our essence that brings truth to every situation, so we no longer need to try and do, fix, solve etc.
It is oh so simple. And the more we try to control our lives the more we are out of control.
How powerful it is just being ourselves, taking the pressure off to fix or come up with answers and allowing others to find answers for themselves, a very loving and empowering thing to do. Universal Medicine has been and is a great support to me with this as I change from fixing and rescuing to just being me.
We have the opportunity to grow the most when we are held in Love as Susan has done with the lady she is caring for. This just allows both parties the space to just BE and in that space if any solutions or answers are needed they just come.
Beautiful blog Susan, and thank you for bringing attention to the importance of the gentle breath meditation in bringing you back to your body and being you.
The more I just am the more I can feel that all that is to be done is to be me. Nothing more. All else is taken care of and will unfold.
Your words touched me Michael, and made me pause and really feel the truth of what you have expressed. It truly is that simple…..
Michael, what you have described here feels so simple and effortless!
Thank you for your wisdom about letting go of thinking that we are responsible for other’s problems Susan. The gentle breath and it’s rhythm is a gift from Heaven, and so simple, it brings us back to “just being me”.
Like you Susan I spent a considerable amount of time living in my head. My body was just something that got me from A to B. It has been so great to start to deeply honour my body and myself and to just have fun being myself.
I have spent a considerable amount of time in my head too Elizabeth. Oh how patient our bodies are, waiting for us to wake up and begin to re-connect to them. This ‘vehicle’ that gets us from A to B is a living miracle and comes alive when we start to listen to it, and I agree it really is fun.
Susan, isn’t there such an arrogance with this too when we ‘think’ we know what is best for another person by offering them solutions or stepping in to do it for them. Something I know well! It’s like saying ‘I don’t think you’re capable so I’ll do it for you’, and to be on the receiving end of that feels awful.
So true Jane, it doesn’t allow another to grow. It happens a lot in families where even when the children become adults, the parents take on the responsibility to fix things or find solutions, seemingly in the name of love, however it’s actually a co-dependance that both parties allow.
What a great exposure of the roles we assume Jane and how we in that way keep each other in the same place, not evolving. In what you describe I can feel the comfort in both sides of that coin.
Absolutely Sandra Dallimore. A huge arrogance.
Great observation Sandra and Jane. I have often found myself on different sides of this scenario and it does smack of arrogance and assuming I know better when I am doing the fixing, and a complete giving in at the other end. Yes Carolien, a comfort on both sides where one party does not step up because ‘they are too busy’ and the other does not step up because ‘they can’t do it alone’. And when you look at it like this you can see it is a game which stunts everyone’s growth.
True Sandra – it is awful – but is it also part of the receiver’s game of avoiding responsibility and staying in the comfort of not being enough? I’ve certainly been on both ends of this situation.
Most definitely richardmills363, and like you, I too have played both sides of this game – there cannot be one without the other, it’s impossible and all stems from the same lack of self worth.
A lovely blog Susan, thank you. I have recently seen how when I ‘think’ I need to fix or find a solution for something that isn’t my responsibility, it inevitably comes back and bites me on the behind. All I need to do is observe and be there if another person asks for help, and if they don’t, then just leave them be. So Simple.
This is gorgeous and so simple Susan, being ourselves with no need to fix others problems is amazing for us to feel. Having been someone who liked ‘fixing’ things myself, I can feel how imposing this can be on others, and how taking responsibility for their outcome was draining for me. Thank you for sharing.
In a way I feel that imposing on others by trying to ‘fix’ them is a form of control, and knowing that it doesn’t have to be this way and starting to just let others be, is liberating and frees up so much energy to just BE LOVE 🙂
You know reading these comments I’m getting to see that I still try to fix things and am often unaware. There can be a point when faced with certain situations where there is tension in my body – I’m just now wondering whether this is coming from needing to fix and control situations. This is definitely something I will keep taking note of.
That is true sandrahenden, in an attempt to control what happens in our lives we try and ‘fix’ things so that it will all be the way we expect it to be. Not half so joyful as letting others be and enjoying the variety that fills our lives when we let go that need to control.
Sandrahenden, I am finding trying to fix things, situations, is also a sign of control and also very draining, something I have been recently experiencing. Like you say it does not have to be this way. Just let things be and just allow myself to be love, this will free up the energy to just be in its harmony.
I agree Sandra, that is what I have experienced and discovered for myself to “just let others be, is liberating and frees up so much energy to just BE LOVE.” I am learning that even when the thought that spirit wants to step in and have an opinion, to judge, to criticize etc. etc. – the over-riding feeling of the body, of the soul to just ‘be love’ cannot be ignored.
This is really interesting to name. The control of needing others to be okay, so that we can be okay. oooohh how familiar that feels…Well spotted sandrahenden.
I agree Sandra when reading this blog it made me release how often I try to control life – it’s tiring and exhausting and creates a pressure – it takes away from the joy that is so natural to express.
i have found the same Melissa, and it is not only imposing but arrogant as well..why did I think I knew better? And your comment is a lovely invitation on looking at the investment we have in others and situation we want to fix.
Hi Susan your honest blog is an amazing gift for everybody who reads it. Thank you so much for sharing about your beautiful experience of being yourself – this is very much inspiring.
Susan what you have shared is exactly what I needed to be reminded of today. It’s not about doing its only about being who we are and then the magic happens.
To Beautiful Susan. Going into ‘fixing’ mode robs people of ‘Being’ with the amazingness of who they truly are and the tender healing experience this is. This blog is a loving gift to give to all. It is so simple really – just be present and breathe our own breathe, this leaves the time and space for the magic of God to work through us. Thank you for this very healing and true sharing.
“I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted.”
In the role of a nurse and a parent I have found I try to “fix it” believing I have the answers, but it comes from a “doing”, and need for recognition and acceptance. I am learning that when I reconnect to all that I am from a point of stillness first, that I am able to “just be” and know that this is enough. e.g. A baby was screaming uncontrollably and the parents were feeling helpless and overwhelmed by not knowing what to do.
I gently sat the baby up placed my hands over it’s heart area and back, and was very still. Within a few seconds the baby settled, and I then placed the baby on the mother’s chest.
Great blog Susan, Its amazing that we are who we are but be everything else but that. Just being who we are is a joy and a freedom we are born to be.
When I have witnessed carers around elderly people and seen how they ‘try to help’ instead of simply being themselves, it always felt false – I wonder how old people’s homes would be if everyone was simply being themselves with each other? Would the depth of being in a ‘true’ relationship with a carer bring some back from the dementia they have sunk into?
Susan, I too spent years wasting energy ‘saving’ others from their woes but have since discovered the true healing power of holding another by first being and holding myself.
So simple and powerful Rob.
Absolutely inspiring, true, simple and magical Susan. Thank you for being you and allowing others to do the same by virtue of your committed connection to your body. I too am a head dweller and have lived from my head for many lifetimes. You make the transition for head to heart a simple and beautiful process. I know I can do the same.
How complicated life can be when we choose to become involved in trying to solve others issues and then having an investment in the outcome. Not only that, but also it is not allowing someone to be responsible for there own choices it is like saying I know more than you. I know that I have done this and yes it can be very draining. I agree with you Susan “the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed” and it is that simple.
I have been inspired by Universal Medicine to just be me, first I am learning to connect to my body and get the feeling of who is “me”. The more commitment I give the more of me I am getting to know and can allow me to be in every moment. It is such a great way to live and a lot less exhausting.
Susan such a timely read for me as I still do much of what you have spoken in regard to helping too much and not allowing the other person to grow and recognise their own wisdom. Just to be me in every situation and not feel the exhaustion you speak of by taking on too much is such great wisdom. Thank you Susan.
I feel the same way Roslyn. A lot of what Susan is describing is an old habit of mine too. I’m becoming more aware all the time that it’s actually impossible to control an outcome, and whilst it can sometimes be hard to let go, when I do it does definitely feel freeing. The realisation of not having to actually do anything but be yourself is very powerful when you choose to allow it to be.
Yes I can relate to this way too – controlling and needing people to be a certain way for me to be ok. Fixing what is not mine to fix to gain the recognition of helping another. So true what you say here Roslyn when we take over we are ‘not allowing the other person to grow and recognise their own wisdom’.
Thank you Susan for sharing your blog , life can be so simple if we accept our self and others and just be. To gently allow the mind to unite with the glory of the body stops the narrative and presents the truth which is all encompassing.
“To gently allow the mind to unite with the glory of the body stops the narrative and presents the truth which is all encompassing.” – I love what you say here paulmoses39.
Gosh, so well expressed Susan, I notice now that when I have an investment in how I think things should be, or take responsibility for something not mine, etc I am left exhausted.
The spaciousness that is felt when I allow another to make their own choices without trying to fix or control things for them however, is entirely different. It is felt by both and a natural openness and expansion occurs as you say. Very confirming.
A very inspiring and great blog Susan – I too, can relate to almost every word you write – fixing, being overly responsible for others and giving my power away. I have made new choices since attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and really enjoying this new chosen way of being – without imposing on others as I used to.
Reading your blog, Susan, I can see how I have done and still do this and I am understanding why I am so exhausted. I am going to have fun learning to listen and not try to fix.
It is great that by staying present with yourself instead of trying to “fix” you found that what you did do was with more love AND you did not get drained or and exhausted. Sounds like a win win to me! And witnessing the person you had been visiting blossom and your relationship deepen confirms how trying to fix other people’s lives does not work, but being in our fullness, open and loving works wonders.
Susan, how wonderful to discover that by being yourself life is becoming simple – what it means to truly be taking care of another by being you without the tiredness you have felt before when you took over the responsibility for someone else. Staying present is an awesome present, it is full of love and joy!
Hello Susan, this for me is true love for all, “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” Thank you.
Great sharing Susan. The power of just being myself is enormous and so beautiful to feel. I love the simplicity that just being me brought to my life. So powerful!
Thank you Susan for your awesome blog, I can relate to it very well. I have also been doing the same thing pretty much all my life, giving my power away by identifying with this role of a ‘fixer’. I took responsibility to change my behaviour too about the same time as you. I was inspired by Universal Medicine to feel into situations, to observe without being drained or react by feeling responsible for other people’s choices. Like you shared, by me being myself without imposing any thing on others, I felt at ease and stillness. It also allowed others to be more themselves and I don’t get caught up in the dramas, neediness, draining of my energy or of others. I can see with love, clarity and truth by being just me.
This is a great blog Susan and many great points of the significance of just being oneself. the one that stands out for me on this first reading is how we get exhausted when we give our energy to something we cannot control.
This is a good reminder Susan of how exhausting it is not being us and trying to fix things for other people and for all the wrong reasons.
Susan this is such a clear description of what it means to be present and with ones body rather than in the mind. It’s encouraging and a GREAT reminder of how powerful we are when we’re being ourselves. Just that can make a difference in another person’s life. Rather than the fixing we think we ought to do.
Just being ourselves is the greatest gift we have to give.
I love this, very true indeed.
Yes, we can so easily fall for having to fix a situation or finding an answer. Thank you for the reminder to simply allow myself to be me.
“I used to suggest solutions to problems or issues and steer people to what I thought would be solving the problem without really connecting to what would be truly supportive for that person to gain a new understanding for themselves as to why the issue was happening in the first place.” I used to do this a lot too, Susan, and now realise that it was a compulsion and the underlying hidden reason behind it was to make myself feel better and more comfortable. I love the way you describe how much energy it takes as well, and of course, giving ourselves away like that is very draining. A beautiful reminder to stay present and be ourselves, thank you,
So gorgeous. Such a simple gorgeous message. Just be ourselves. No more. No less. Just be.
I love your clear blog Susan. I can relate so well to the tendency to want to ‘fix’ things for people and offer solutions, especially with family. It’s great to be reminded that “if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without being attached to any outcomes”. This feels far simpler and less stressful.Thank you.
A blog so needed Susan. I love the bit about just being me. I cannot remember if I was ever me in truth. I played many games eg. I felt people not living their truth and being that around me, so I did not commit to life = ultimate game. Why should I commit if nobody else is ? ..
Until I met Serge Benhayon Truth became it again, and I have been deepening my truth by being me ever since, and furthermore until the end of days.
Most often when I consider I have a problem really all I wish is for someone to listen, not solve the problem for me, which makes me wonder why I would try and solve other peoples dilemmas and issues. Thanks Susan for sharing your story and how positive that approach has been for you.
Always great to be reminded that when my attention is on other’s perceived needs, my body is always depleted. Staying connected with me allows what is needed to naturally and effortlessly emerge. How I respond comes from my body, not from my neediness! Awesome sharing Susan.
Susan this is such an amazing blog. I particularly resonated with the part where you say:
“I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.?
I will take this sentence with me – simply gorgeous.
How precious to know that not only are we enough when we are just being ourselves, but everyone else gets to feel they are enough when we do this too. We completely underestimate the power of being present and surrendering, which is the complete opposite of the way most of us run our lives these days.
“I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.’ Simple wisdom with profound results when lived. Thank you Susan.
What you write is really great and profound. It is something that most of us can relate to but then to actually live it is something else. I know in myself there has been a very strong tendency in the past to give advice and come up with solutions which were often very imposing and used to be for my own need out of discomfort and not even for the other although I thought at the time it was.
I have come to realise that not only was I doing a disservice to others by trying to fix their problems or by doing more for them than was necessary, but I was actually holding them as less than me. Without actually being aware of what I was doing I was putting myself above others, as I felt I could fix or do for them what I thought or feared they could not, putting them in a lesser position. It seemed at the time that those on the receiving end of my helping/fixing were grateful but the underlying inequality emanating from me and my actions were deeply felt and over time created only tension and resentment in those that I loved dearly. It was through the teachings presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I came to understand my investment in “doing” for others and have been able to change my approach.The following sentence from your article Susan sums it up perfectly. “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.” Another thing I have learnt/felt is that in letting go of the thought that I am more capable than the other, and feeling them as equally capable, allows the tension and resentment they have felt from being seen as less, to slowly dissipate clearing a space for a deeper and more loving relationship.
Rosemary, thank you for sharing this awareness with us. ‘I have come to realise that not only was I doing a disservice to others by trying to fix their problems or by doing more for them than was necessary, but I was actually holding them as less than me.’
Got it in one — “solving the problem without really connecting to what would be truly supportive” — this is huge to first stop myself from trying to skim read it and then really, truly read it… Thanks Susan, another pesky investment in being busy and not just being with me exposed again.
Absolutely Susan and Joel, living from our head can also come with the energy of judgment when we think that our knowledge can fix others and with a touch of arrogance that we know better. There is the possibility of a touch of jealousy, which has its insidious tentacles in just about every aspect of our lives!
Yes Greg I can relate to this kind of arrogance and I have to say it was not so easy to allow myself to feel this and then to stop it. For me it also has to do with trust – trust in myself and in the world.
I agree Ester, trust and our choices.
Joel thank you because this sentence has just done the same for me: “another pesky investment in being busy and not just being with me exposed again.” I’m feeling the word pesky (which has set up a bit of re-action from a long time ago), and I will ponder more deeply and yes I feel exposed.
Beautiful blog, Susan. Like you, my tendency was (and still is!) to take on other people’s issues and try to ‘fix’ or ‘solve’ their problems, often putting my body on the line to do so… What you present here is inspirational, that when you are just being you people naturally respond and begin to be themselves too because of the example you set. Wow. Thank you for sharing.
‘I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.’
This is GOLD Susan and such an amazingly powerful tool… Staying with our body and simply observing. Thank you for your Divine Wisdom. ❤️
Great points here Susan. I still sometimes fall into the trap of trying to fix things for people which is just ridiculous as I do get affected (drained and reactive) by this choice of behaviour and of course they would get affected also. You have given me something very important to ponder on here. Thank you.
What a relief it is to simply be ourselves.
ABSOLUTELY Elizabeth, a weight off our shoulders…
Susan thank you for the pearls of wisdom. I love this one “I now know that everything is part of the unfolding nature of life and the way this happens is by me just being in my body”. As you say so very simple.
I love this part too, very beautifully expressed and true. It’s amazes me that I have never come across such profound wisdom and truth before Universal Medicine. Susan’s blog is another huge inspiration for me to connect to my body and to stay present. With everyone I have met in person or through reading blogs at Universal Medicine, I have been extremely inspired in so many ways to connect to who I am. The support and love is incredible for each other to continuously evolve.
I feel like you do chanly88, these blogs and comments are so inspiring, reading them always brings me back to myself and I feel humbled by the wisdom that is in these pages. I too, feel the love and support of everyone I have met who is involved with Universal Medicine. There is nothing else like it on earth and as that love expands so will the earth feel it.
What I am realising Susan is that when I am being anyone or anything rather than me then I become exhausted. Its an added weight that I end up carrying around in my body that I actually don’t need. As is the responsibility that I have taken on for others. I appreciate what you have shared and the power that we have in simply being ourselves.
What a beautiful reflection the woman offered you Susan for you being you. For me you summed it up in this sentence; “if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes”. To live life like this there is no emotional draining, complicated drama or controlling, it is a real key to life you are sharing here. Thank you.
I can so relate to being a problem solver and the fix it person. And like you have discovered Susan, trying to fix someone else’s problem can be very exhausting. I have also discovered that by solving their problems I am denying them the opportunity to fix them for themselves, and in the process understand why the problem arose in the first place. The only person I can fix or save is me, and that I have learned by loving myself more each day and by simply making the choice to be me.
What you present feels so freeing Susan. trying to meet everyone’s demands is so exhausting! And it leaves me with a feeling of incompleteness, no matter how good I’ve done something. The only truly fulfilling thing is to be myself with no reservation.
“The only truly fulfilling thing is to be myself with no reservation”… I like this sentiment harryjwhite, simple yet profound, how powerful we could be if we go about our day without reservation, by not holding back our true selves.
This is beautiful Susan. Thank you for sharing. It is so easy to get caught up in other people’s problems and try to help them fix things. But as you say we have absolutely no control over anything to do with anyone else. We simply waste our energy and get drained. It’s so liberating and joyful to let go of this trying and simply be present with ourselves and allow other people the space to be them. This is way more empowering for the person we were previously trying to help.
There is no doubt that for many people bouncing from one problem to the next is the way to get through life, that is why it is so important not to get drawn into anyone else’s life but remain steady in our own and offer that as our reflection instead. And Susan, your story shows the power of that approach, just being there for another is enough.
I have a business meeting this afternoon where I can so easily go into fixing mode and lose my connection to the quality that I am within – and I know how disastrous that can be if I run with that energy. Thank you for spelling out so clearly how this can be different. This is truly supportive and an inspirational blog.
Thank you Susan for this reminder that there is nothing given when we TRY TO SOLVE, FIX or SAVE. I saw myself by reading you and this look just out of the rhythm of my Life. This part is so perfect! It face me to the responsibility to have been an impediment in people’s life – “I have learnt that if I just stay with my body and myself and observe without the need to fix a situation, this allows more space for people to be responsible for their own lives, without my being attached to any outcomes.”
Wow, this is amazing Susan. I can so relate to this inspiring blog. I too have tried to fix other people’s problems big time to find how exhausting this is. Although it is much less in my life, I still can slip into this pattern especially when I am around my family. ”…I have found that I am not responsible for anyone else’s life…”. This is so true and a great reminder. Thank you for sharing giving me an opportunity to look at and take this ‘trying to fix others’ more deeply.
I agree Caroline. Susan’ s blog has really supported me in looking deeper into my need to fix others’ problems.
Gorgeous blog! I love how you share how your relationship has deepened as soon as you stepped out of the ‘fixing’ mode. How from real equalness growth for both of you appears. Probably a lot of people would need less coffee, because they are less tired and exhausted if they were just themselves, without having to solve others problems.
Thank You Susan Inspiring !
This does make sense that when we try to fix other peoples problems we become exhausted and that by being ourselves gives them space to feel things differently also.
“just being you” Susan seems very very powerful…I will try that also today (not being you, but being me ; )) – always good to remind on!
Thank you Susan, and I could relate to much of what is shared in trying to “fix things”. It is inspiring to read how changes happened when you let go of the need to “fix” and how simply this can happen when connecting with and accepting ourselves – beautiful. Imagine how it could be if we grew up with the gift this woman offered you – “This woman has given me a wonderful gift: the opportunity to learn that I am enough just being myself – around her, and around everybody.”
What a fantastic blog. Susan you have really captured the art of getting yourself out of the way to allow more love in your life and in the life of those who are so fortunate to be able to enjoy your company.
A beautiful post – thankyou Susan. “I now know that the way to live my life is by just being me – and that is all that is needed.” So true – why don’t we learn this from our parents? – but they didn’t know it either. Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon for showing the way….
Thank you Susan I can so relate to imposing my solutions on everyone else’s problems and being constantly exhausted because things did not go the way that seemed obvious to me. Allowing other people the dignity to make their own choices has transformed my life (and theirs) and allowed the space for much deeper relationships because I am not constantly trying to control outcomes.
It is truly beautiful that in no longer imposing solutions on another and attempting to control outcomes, the space is naturally created to deepen relationships. This makes sense for in the connection, you are no longer trying to change them but just lovingly supporting them through energetically letting them know they are capable of healing their own woes themselves. It is deeply healing and empowering to be held in this way by another, and the foundation for true friendship and support.
What a lovely blog Susan, thank you for sharing and thank you for reminding me that it is OK to just be me.
“…trusting the process of life instead of trying to fix everything for everyone, and that is all that I need to do… just being me… simple!”
Perfect, and says it all!
I really enjoyed reading this article Susan, thank you. I am learning recently that it is much more powerful and supportive for people if I don’t try and fix everything for them , i had a tendency to try and come up with all the answers and was always a little disappointed when people wouldn’t listen, I am noticing how if I simply observe, and love and be there for the other person and don’t try and fix everything then it allows them to come to their own realisations and this feels less imposing and less tiring for me too.
Thank you Susan for sharing that you are no longer a chameleon – changing you based on outside situations- but that you are listening to your body and simply allowing the real you to shine through.
This is so cool – you have found a beauty and a simplicity in life that just comes from naturally being you.
Susan, every carer, in fact everyone really needs to come to the same realisation you have about helping others. We are taught and ‘think’ that helping others is to somehow fix things for them and make their life better whatever the cost. But what if they are the only person who can do this? I know for myself people can tell me something a million times but until I actually discover it for myself I find it extremely hard to change my patterns and behaviours. So simply being with another and offering them the space to clearly see what is going on for them is far more powerful then any words or solution.
There is such a beautiful simplicity to ‘just being me’. It is funny how we get so tricked into thinking we have to do so much, and try so hard, yet by just being our natural selves, we have such a powerful effect on others too. It’s almost too simple to get our heads around, but of course, love would never make it so hard for us.
Thank you Susan I love your blog and all you share and can really relate to it all . Wanting to help support and fix others I know what you mean since a child I have been doing that trying to make people feel better and not liking what I felt.This has been exhausting and very hard work and I am slowly learning to let people be and simply be myself joyful and loving and this all I need to do . Through the inspiration and reflection of Serge Benhayon, his family, Universal Medicine and the students of the livingness I am learning to just be me too.
Beautiful thank you for sharing this .
The gentle breath, breathing your own breath is something I know well but still fail to bring it into my busy working day as much as I would like.Thanks Susan for this lovely reminder of the gentle breath and the importance of just being me.
Susan thank you, I really enjoyed your story as it feels like it lifts the lid on complexity and fixing and opens up the simplicity of being who we are and appreciating that is more than enough as from there things truly change.
Thank you Susan. What a beautiful gift it is to be inspired to let go of all the fixing and finding solutions for others – as well as trying to fix and find solutions for myself which is so often very imposing as well as exhausting. I too have found joy in connecting to others and just being who I am and allowing the other person this same freedom and opportunity to be themselves.
Hmmm great point Mary for it is not only about letting go of finding solutions for others’ woes but letting go of fixing our own… knowing that in connection and trusting in the power of that, the path out of the complexity will be illuminated without any ‘fixing’ required.
Susan, what a great reminder to just be me and feel my body and let go of the excess tension. Trusting life instead of controlling it is such a healing medicine.
There is so much beauty to be appreciated when surrendering to trusting in life rather than feeling the tension of forever attempting to control something that in truth cannot be controlled.
Beautiful blog Susan. Sometimes I can get caught up in having to be better than I am at the moment, reading your blog totally left me to feel all I have to do is being present with myself and what I am doing. No need to be something else. Thank you for this simplicity.
Thank you for your lovely blog Susan, I used to spend my time fixing other peoples problems too, and used it as a way of avoiding feeling my own issues and problems…., as I would be too busy solving someone else’s. I loved your example of visiting the woman in a nursing home and rather than just being there for her, you endeavoured to solve her problems because you felt responsible in some way…it is funny how the mind gets in the way and decides that we have the answers to other peoples problems even though they may not have asked for help in the first place.
That’s true Alison. And how tricky is it when people actually ask you for help, and you feel responsible for providing it, even though they may be ‘handing over responsibility’ rather than taking it themselves? Then there is a lot of pressure to try to solve someone else’s problems, and it takes a lot of tuning into oneself to discern when to ‘help’ and when it is not appropriate to do so. With great gratitude to Serge Benhayon for helping us develop that discernment and ability to stay with ourselves to feel the truth of situations.
Absolutely, dianetrussell: “To help, or not to help, that is the question…” We need a refined sense of discernment to feel if and when we need to help at someone’s request – I experience it a lot in my role as a teacher….is my help genuinely needed or is the person being needy?
Susan what you have written is true: ‘I stayed present with myself more consciously, just being me, then things started to change for both of us; her whole demeanour began to alter and her face looked soft, serene and pain-free’. I have found the same to be true with a client I work with. Other carer’s describe the client as ‘difficult’, I find her to be a joy to be with. My agency have said ‘Whatever you’re doing it’s working’ and ‘You have a gift with people’. My response is ‘It’s not what I do it’s how I am when I am with the client’ and ‘ I am not special, anyone can learn to do the same’. I feel the quality of all relationships would be more harmonious and with less tension if we were more present with ourselves. Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon we have shown that making being present and connected to to who we are, can have profoundly beneficial effects on others.
Yes, a timely read for me too as I am working on (another layer) of not giving my power away to others, and, as you say, instead simply being me. Nothing else required, though at times it can seem a big ship to turn around.
Susan, thank you for this blog, it is such a big present reading it this morning. I am taking your blog into my day which feels absolutely lovely. I will be in contact with many people today during an event and I will just be me, no fixing, no solving, no trying, no doing. It already feels amazing…
Susan, Just being you is an inspiring way to live life. So often we think that life is about everyone else and living life feeling exhausted has simply become the ‘norm’ as yet it is far from what is true. Learning to really stay present with oneself is a process as this world has not and does not support that way of living. Hence Universal Medicine and the teachings of Serge Benhayon has finally brought about a way to live you each and every day.
This was a treat to read Susan. How wonderful it is when the world confirms our innate loveliness.
I can so relate to this Susan Wilson, that I want to solve any problem that arises, so also problems of others because I am not fully with myself and not aware of my true power. Our true power is available when we are just ourselves, without out any need whatsoever. We are the Sons of God and when I am just with myself, that is what I am presenting, and as such I also invite the other to connect with the fact that they too are Sons of God. How amazing is that.
This is the most perfect blog for me to read at this time. I have just gone into “fixit” mode with a dear friend and have been feeling pretty hard on myself since recognising it. But your blog Susan invited me to come back home, to my body and my breath. Whatever I have done can be undone and redone in and with love. The brutality of my minds censure is not required. My tender way and just being me is all I need.
Thank you for the healing session 🙂
Thank you, Rachel. I needed to hear this line in your comment today: “The brutality of my mind’s censure is not required. My tender way and just being me is all I need.”
It is seriously brutal to allow the mind to beat up on us after it caused the problem in the 1st place!!
Exhaustion is a marker in my body that I know very well. It signals to me that I have moved away from myself and that it is time to get back to where I truly belong.
Thanks so much Susan, I love how you define connection so simply as “bringing my head in line with what my body is doing”!
Susan you said that your approach is simple and so it is and yet it is also potentially life changing and world changing at the same time. If we were all to surrender to the fact that life is unfolding for everyone exactly as it should, then it would take so much of the struggle out. Imagine living in the same world without the struggle !
I love the concept of surrendering to what is, allowing it to unfold as it is designed to, rather than struggling against it and making it more complicated than it ever needs to be.
Thank you, Susan. This is just perfect and timely for me – as I have recently become aware of my long held behaviour pattern that stems from believing that I am not enough therefore allowing a degree of (self) abuse to meet or even go beyond some ideals and/or what I am perceiving to be expected by the others, and I am going deeper in accepting what I truly am.
A beautiful sharing Susan and how awesome you have come to this wisdom at this part of your life. I simply think it us amazing that you have consciously worked on letting go of old behaviours and patterns; All part and in support of you Being You!
Agreed, so simple really. But we can make it so complicated!
I too can relate to being drained when I aim to support my clients and undertake the necessary tasks. Being tired at the end of the day is showing how much I haven’t been present with myself or client. I often go into rush mode to complete the allocated tasks. Very draining. I now speak up more with my Co-Ordinators and request more time where I feel it is necessary. Very aware too that the more present I am, and accepting of myself, others and the situation that the allocated tasks happen easily and there is so much joy in what I do and the connections I make.
Awesome blog Susan. I like the simplicity you share. Its just a matter of getting “ourselves” out of the way and simply be. No fixing, trying or anything else.
This is great Susan, it’s made me reflect on the end of my working days in recruiting, and note that whenever I’ve pushed myself selling or trying to close a deal, resolve, or fix a candidate or client’s ‘issue’, that my exhaustion levels are very apparent. And that it feels awful. This noting has also opened up a space for self-appreciation too for when the exhaustion is not felt, but instead the vital joy inside. Great note to oneself, thank you Susan.
Yes, love is allowing someone to be where they are, whilst holding firm in knowing who they truly are and never allowing yourself to be any less. Thanks Susan, great blog.
Beautiful Susan, I admit to having once been a person who felt I needed to help solve peoples problems too. It was actually very draining, frustrating and disempowering for all concerned. Now that I can also just be myself with people, I have also found that they come to their own understanding and their own way of dealing with what is going on, which is often different to what I would have once supposed. It is inspiring to keep working on just being ourselves and the amazingness that it actually allows.
Some great lessons here Susan, particularly as I have tendencies to be a fixer. Occasionally when someone tells me about a problem I’ll ‘try’ to fix it by offering advice (even though they haven’t asked for it). Yet when I do so, the ‘trying’ actually creates a tension in my body and I sense the same in the other person.
As you have pointed out, by simply connecting to my body and being me I can observe and understand and bring much more to the interaction. Thanks for the reminder to trust the process of life.
How awesome that you can sense the tension in both of yours and the other person’s body, Rod. What a confirmation that ‘fixing’ is not what is required!
I agree Rod it is a gorgeous reminder of the power of connecting to ourselves and the understanding that can come from just observing… the deep support that can be offered from this place of connection and the inspiration that comes from that should never be underestimated.
I used be very heady (mental thoughts) but from the healings and teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this has got less and less and I feel more grounded and solid in my body and allow myself to feel where my body is at instead of letting my head run off with a hundred thousand thoughts. Although it is still an unfolding never ending learning : )
The way you describe spending time with this lady reads so differently to what came before. There’s a sense of space and appreciation that is divine to feel. Thank you for sharing how simple life is Susan, if we simply let it be.
The “fixing it” syndrome was one that I just could not shake as a bloke, and it used to drive my wife nuts. I knew that I just had to listen but the part of me that was seemingly hardwired to go into action for so many reasons, approval, proving myself as a man, being loved etc just kept kicking in, and nothing changed this until, through meeting Serge Benhayon, I started to know the true me. Now I know so much more about listening, communication, and definitely not ‘fixing things!’ Thanks Susan.
Susan, I love this blog and the huge changes that you made in yourself. A wonderful reflection in the lady that you visit at the nursing home, how she changed so much, through you just being yourself, rather than trying to find solutions to her problems.
I can relate to what you say “I have realised that when I try to fix others people’s problems I am giving my energy away to something that I have no control over and hence I can become quite exhausted”. My late husband and I both tried that with one of our sons when he had big problems years ago, that was the most exhausting period of our lives, took us a long time to get over that trauma.
Susan, what a lovely read, and how great I’m reading this today. I work in a support job and often can go into solutions but as you say it doesn’t work, it robs me of energy and another of their own way and understanding and we both lose, so right now I’m learning to let go, be me and stop trying, and your blog is helping today to remind me, thank you.
monicag2, me too, I am also “learning to let go, be me and stop trying” as well!
I too have realised that trying to ‘fix everyone’s problems’ and ‘save the world’ is exhausting. I love how you share that this is just giving our own energy away to something we have no control over, so is pointless. It is a waste of energy that could be better spent connecting with others. Thank you Susan.
Yes it is totally exhausting Carmin. I feel that as I learn to trust more, that I have an understanding that others problems or situations are there for a reason- to bring a certain level of awareness or learning to them. So for me, I see that as a blessing while I will always be there as a support. ‘fixing’ others problems may not allow them to receive the blessing of the learning for themself, which could cause more harm, should they continue in the behaviour or way that got them there in the first place.
Yes, that’s an amazing point of realisation I am having also, johanna08smith. By literally allowing others their own space to feel what is needed or to be learned, with my role being solely to hold my self in my own love, and hence the other at the same time. Then the miracles occur and the realisations, since their learning comes from within them – no need for an external fixer, at all. A true miracle, but rather exposing of our world full of fixers and fix-ees!
I’m not sure if it’s a women’s thing but it certainly is a great distraction to focus on another’s problems rather than addressing our own – classic delay of our own evolution whilst at the same time stunting theirs with the imposition of our disempowering advice/support.
Susan, what an awesome blog! I could so so relate to the experience of suggesting solutions and wanting to fix people’s problems based on what ‘I’ felt was best for them. Even though I told myself I was making it about another, it was still really about ‘me’ and what ‘I’ wanted to say or have happen etc. without any real consideration for where the other person was at, and without allowing them to take responsbility for themselves and simply to offer support without providing a ‘solution’. I still do this at times, but am now also learning that when I am connected to my own body and am present with myself, that this is when I am truly able to support both myself and another. And that it is not about ‘fixing’ anything, but about connection to, and acceptance of myself firstly, which then allows me to connect to , and accept another.
Yes, Angela, it’s pretty simple really isn’t it to just stay with ourselves instead of being a ‘fixer’.
Absolutely Angela. I could also relate to this fixing behaviour in my life in the past. I realised that many things actually play out around this such as it stemming from me not being In connection with me, because if I was in connection with me, I would also automatically be in connection with others- just feeling what is needed for them. Also as I work on deepening my understanding and depth of what I allow myself to feel, it becomes easier to say ‘at this moment this is all that is needed’ without any attachment or investment in an outcome.
Yes Angela, I too can very much relate to both yours and Susan’s words. Finding solutions for other people is, I am discovering, a way to support myself to not feel uncomfortable with what they are presenting, so finding a quick fix has always seemed the way out. I am discovering that when staying present we are all so much more powerful and it gives others the opportunity to empower themselves and we can then offer loving support as needed.
Too true Michelle – finding a fix for another can be a way to deal with the uncomfortableness we feel around the predicament they are experiencing. Learning to be comfortable with ourselves and observing what this brings up in us without the reactionary desire to fix it, can be deeply healing for all involved and ultimately support in providing the space for them to have greater understanding and clarity when we don’t taint the issue with our stuff.