I started biting my nails when I was about 6 years old, or even earlier… I remember my mother telling me not to do it, and eventually buying some foul tasting liquid to put on my nails. Despite this awful taste I persisted. It became a very unconscious habit that increased when I was aware of being anxious, for example reading a tension-inducing book or in my teens watching a literally – for me – a “nail-biting” TV programme! As I grew older and became more self conscious I tried to hide my nails by folding my fingers inside my palms so no one would notice. I felt helpless to do anything about it, although I would like to have stopped the habit. I chewed all the way through my school years.
I got married with bitten nails and let the end of my fingers drop when people wanted to see my engagement and wedding rings. At one point I even went for a manicure and had false nails put on. This worked for a while as I couldn’t chew my nails through the false ones. But even though my nails grew a little underneath, when the false nails fell off my own nails were so weak and brittle that they split and I chewed once more. Later I decided to try hypnotherapy in an effort to stop my habit: this technique worked for a while, and I dutifully performed the self hypnotherapy programme I had been given, but this didn’t hold and I once again chewed my nails. I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.
As a result of being introduced to Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine teachings 8 years ago, I realised that self-love was a new concept to me! I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly. How unloving was that?! My self esteem had been very low for a long time.
I began to alter my former lifestyle habits by choosing a gentler rhythm in my daily activities: this involved sleeping according to how my body felt and also eating a diet that suited me, for true nourishment – foods that didn’t make me feel heavy or bloated. I became more aware of how I moved about in my daily life and began a gentle daily walk. I stopped pushing myself, which had a hardening effect on me and my body. I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood. I noticed how I began to feel so much better about and even like myself, something unheard of for as long as I could remember. I had spent a lot of money on various spiritual modalities before Universal Medicine, but nothing had really changed, as I had only experienced temporary relief from some symptoms.
I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.
I have also received Esoteric Healing from Universal Medicine practitioners. A few years after my initial introduction to Universal Medicine and as my self-love grew, I observed that I was no longer constantly chewing my nails… and in fact my nails were growing. This happened without any trying to stop! It seemed like a miracle to me. Fifty years of a habit evaporated over the next few months. Wow! I no longer hide my nails and hands out of embarrassment and even paint my nails, have manicures and choose to wear rings on occasions. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and all the amazing Universal Medicine practitioners who have supported me over the past few years as I return to the true me – a work still in progress.
By Sue Q, Somerset UK
Further Reading:
Learning to Feel my Feelings: Human Beings, not Human Doings
Words on Serge Benhayon 
What a time to stop biting or sucking our thumb as at present it has become a no, no, to put our hands near our face.
At the age of 4 as it is still a vivid memory, can I share that a sales man at the door noticed I was sucking my thumb and he assured me that he had sucked his nail away and it would also happen to me if I continued to suck mine, so I immediately stopped and years latter I found out he had it shot of during the 2 WW. But had I stopped or simply replaced one habit with another? True healing as shared By Serge Benhayon brings a remarkable difference to all we do and our healing never stops so one day I will deal with what ever the replacement was.
Serge Benhayon supports us to have true healing, he is the only person I have met who has supported me to truly let go of old behaviours that no longer serve or support anyone.
Well shared Richard – for when we are feeling more solid, there is less of a tendency to bite our nails – and thus it (the nail biting) is a sign of the anxiety, a sense of not really knowing how to handle what we are feeling, which again confirms the sensitive beings that we are.
When we can get to the root cause of any issue, the nomination of it is incredibly powerful. It does feel miraculous and liberating when we can let something go that we have been living with for a long time, and once we have let it go there is a wonder at it ever having been there at all!
I’ve got spots on my arm that I pick at times. The part about it being safer to eat yourself than let the emotion out in another way really stuck with me. If I don’t pick there’s a very strong emotion and reading this has got me wondering: what if I didn’t pick at let myself feel that intense emotion? Got nothing to loose by being curious.
Self-love was a new concept for me as well. Even just simply to be gentle with myself, was something that had never entered into my awareness as an option. And that says so much about what was propelling my every choice of action for a very long time.
Teaching young children to be gentle with themselves and each other can be taught so naturally at home and even in school. How come so many of us were unaware of this possibility when we were growing up?! As you say this says a lot about what was ‘propelling my every choice of action…’. What energy do we allow and thus live in that allows so much self abuse?
Loving myself, being gentle, and present with what I was doing was a completely new way being with myself; yet one that is so beautiful and welcome.
This is a great blog for everyone to read and discuss how our habits can show us the disregard we live with daily. The other great point you raise is that you were treating the symptom and not the cause. How many times do we take a head ache tablet to relieve the pain of it but don’t consider why we have a headache in the first place.
Yes treating the symptoms may be a relief, but doesn’t reach the true cause that needs to be addressed for true healing to take place
Only treating the symptom means the underlying cause is still alive, so until we address and heal the underlying cause no true healing will occur.
So many of our creature habits are due to our lack of self-loving ways of living and by starting out being at-least gentle as you have Sue makes habitual habits simple to be life changing, which is absolutely amazing.
It is amazing that simply by being self-loving we bring deep healing to our bodies.
Symptoms that we have are all a means for the body to communicate to us about an imbalance. When our normal balance is out, there must be a consequence. Hence the focus should not be on removal of the symptoms alone, without addressing the imbalance.
Treating symptoms gives short term relief. Treating the root cause heals.
Spot on Henrietta. Yet how many of us may ‘successfully’ treat the superficial symptoms and wonder why they return after a while.
It is almost pointless to take away a symptom without looking at why that symptom was happening in the first place.
Could it also be that when we are children we feel the energy of everything that surrounds us and when we are not encouraged to express what we feel, the difference of the energies then we are left in the nervous tension and biting or chewing our nails is an indication of the stress we are feeling and unable to articulate.
Yes habits such as these indicate an underlying cause – tension and stress – that isn’t dealt with. How many of us treat ourselves and/or our children looking to get symptom relief rather than looking deeper for the root cause of such tension.
Whilst we treat symptom relief, nothing gets truly healed; everything gets buried to re-appear again at some point and in some way.
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” Wow you are really honest Sue – Thank you – as it is very helpful to understand what is really going on underneath our so called bad habits. I love to read what is possible if we start to chose to nurture and love ourselves more!
The miracles that can happen daily as we choose self love are beyond imagination.
‘Fifty years of a habit evaporated over the next few months. Wow! ‘ This is incredible but is also making wonderful sense to me – with love we are complete so there is no need for anything that is not love, what’s not love then drops away.
Love this Karin – ‘what’s not love then drops away’ – when we feel settled and complete with love.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are starting a self-love revolution. I love reading stories like this where people are starting to truly love themselves and the miracles that come from this.
A genuine love revolution Sarah! So beautiful to read about and to know that true healing is possible.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day” Sue I love this, it really says it all. If we look after ourselves our lives improves beyond measure, love ourselves unconditionally and our lives are lived in connection with the divine.
When we start to be more loving with ourselves we do not need certain behaviours anymore, they simply cannot be part of our life anymore.
When we love ourselves, what is not love has no place in our being.
It is very difficult to give something up unless we have truly resolved the issue.
Yes and discipline may work for a while, but it doesn’t hold. Going to the root cause and healing that results in long term healing.
Biting our nails gives us a sense of ownership over our own body that we appreciate given our lack of self-worth. We use this ownership to avoid at all costs settling in our own body.
I have discovered that everything goes more smoothly when we are gentle with ourselves.
Such a simple truth Elizabeth – the gentleness is a bridge to look after ourselves and stay connected with the body and soul.
While it seems like a small thing to give up biting your nails, it is a smoke signal to the deeper changes experienced inside yourself. Its a common experience amongst the students who are with Universal Medicine… deep rivers of change, and these are then experienced in the outward manifestation of many and all aspects of life.
A beautiful realisation of the power of self love and self nurturing.
The transformational power of self-love.. when we start taking much deeper care of ourselves, the anxiousness starts to subside by itself because we are able to connect more solidly to the absolute knowing and understanding of who we are, in essence – instead of trying to find it somewhere outside of us, or look to the world to give us some kind of temporary relief or security.
The more we are connected to our body, and love ourselves, the less space there is for anxiousness to be present in the body.
I love the title of this blog which illustrates how if we introduce the medicine of love then we do not have to impose discipline to arrest the symptom as we are addressing the underlying cause and bringing healing to ourselves.
When I read the line ‘I chewed all the way through my school years.’ I got the image like you were chewing your nails like we would do with chewing gum. Truly choosing to eat yourself is quite extreme and yet we find it normal that some children but also adults bite their nails which it is definitely not.
Do we consider that the reason for such anxiety being displayed through the activity of nail biting developed as children is due to the fact that we have clocked that the world we live in is not a Soulful reflection of who we are, and we begin to feel at a loss as to how are we to be in this world, as there are not many who offer the reflection of living who we are in connection to our essence is natural? I realised this was the case for me and nail biting was one way that I learned coped with the tension of disconnecting from my essence.
Me too Carola and thus reflections such as Sue’s are desperately needed in our current world where so many children are developing mental health issues earlier and earlier.
Have we replaced biting our nails with cutting ourselves? This too is an extreme way to relieve our bodies of the nervous tension that builds up within us as we feel unable to express what is truly going on. We are naturally very sensitive human-beings and we are constantly being asked to toughen up which goes against our very nature.
Having been a nail-nibbler my whole life I can relate to much of what you share here Sue. It says a lot about the world we have created when it becomes far easier to ‘eat ourselves’ than to love ourselves. Such anger masks a deep grief that comes from not living true to the love that we are.
Richard what you say is interesting because is it possible we do know there is another way to live far removed from the dog eat dog world we live in and are totally stressed by. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon that I discovered the possibilities of living this different way. To be given another option or a different possibility that it is possible to re-learn how to love ourselves and in the re-learning all those self abusive ways just fall away because nothing can stand in the way of the solid unifying love that is the universe. Reconnect back to ourselves and allow the universe to flow through us then we will remember who we are and where we come from.
Many people have learnt to love and honour themselves in recent years thanks to the love and support of Serge Benhayon.
Self-love is so powerful, I was never taught this until I came to Universal Medicine and I started to understand what self-love means and saw examples of people truly living with deep self-love. This was incredible and I was inspired to embrace this amazing way of life. Also, through self-love I am able to expose abuse and no longer accept it as normal or something to tolerate. Deepening our self-love empowers us to say no to abuse. If everyone on this planet embraced self-love as taught by Universal Medicine, abuse would fade away and love would simply flourish.
Yes learning to love ourselves certainly exposes the abuse. I found as I deepened my love for myself the long held habit just fell away. Like a miracle after years of ‘trying’ to stop.
chanly88 I would say that self love is the most powerful medicine on earth as taught by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I am discovering that to truly embrace ourselves and return to that inner connection that we all have is the only way out of this mess we have all had a hand in creating.
The more we love, honour, and cherish ourselves, the more anything that is not love simply falls away; there is no space for abuse in a body of love.
When we do something gently rather than roughly the body rejoices.
Self love is a deepening of our loving movements towards self and it is through commitment with consistency we live love that inspires and offers a reflection for another or others to choose the same; it is through living self love we only then truly love another.
There are many things in life, on many levels from personal to societal, we could do without and what we have always done is just try fixing and eradicating the ‘problem’ and not really try to understand the root cause and it has not worked. This way of looking at life from the esoteric perspective, knowing who we truly are, and seeing healing as re-turning, is so much needed in the world right now.
The only kind of discipline that works is loving discipline, which can only be achieved if we truly understand why we had the pattern/addiction in the first place.
It is important to trace back and see why we had the ‘problem’ in the first place, where it came from, what caused it, and then the root cause can be healed.
This is so lovely to read how you did not have to force yourself to stop biting but rather looked at the bigger picture of more self-love. What a joy to read that there is so much more on offer if we broaden our horizon and consider the why behind the what.
This is so simple it shows us what our connection to True Love will do, which is when we are able to re-connect to our Essences, Inner-Most, Esoteric or Soul all one and the same.
So much drops away when we bring love to it. I used to pick at my face a lot unconsciously even when driving the car and I disliked seeing it but I never gave my skin a moment to heal but once I started to like myself then love myself I stopped doing it without even realising. After I realised, that the picking at my face was the constant picking and criticizing myself.
Aimee what I am learning from listening to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom teachings is that we do not think, energy passes through us from a pool of energy either pranic or soul. Most of us are fed energy from the pranic source which means we are saturating ourselves with negative energy which is where all those thoughts of not good enough, stupid, worthlessness come from which we believe because we ‘think’ they are our thoughts. To actually stop and give ourselves time to reconsider what energy we are choosing will be life changing. When we rediscover how to truly love ourselves then those negative thoughts just melt away as they are not able to withstand the power of true love.
To let go of old habits we need to want to do it and part of that is seeing through the reason why we developed the habit in the first place. That allows us to get honest and honestly allows us to observe, which then brings understanding which opens us up to change.
And Love also changes our movements by putting a spring in our step that brings a rhythm and flow to our lives in the most Loving Harmonious ways, which brings us back to our connection or re-connection with God, our essence that has always been within is then divinely felt.
There is a big difference between letting something go that no longer serves, and trying to force ourselves to give something up!
The why we do/did something helps us to see the bigger picture, armed with this understanding, we have more opportunity to let go of a habit that no longer serves.
When we look just at nail biting we blind ourselves to see what makes us draw to do that.. that is mostly important, to actually feel why we do that and what energy makes us doing that most importantly. Is that from the love that we are, or the lovelessness (and so, abuse)?
The more self-love we build in our bodies the more preciousness we reconnect to and hence naturally honouring our body instead of abusing it; that´s a process we all need to make at some point in time as part of our return back to the love that we innately are.
The steps whether fast or slow always bring us back to a deepened appreciation of how far we have come.
Self-love is not something we commonly hear about in society and if we do it is the reduced version that is about outer appearances laced with recognition. The self-love you are talking about here has the potential to change the world because, for anyone who truly embraces self-love, they are able to transform their lives to one of deep love and honouring of their body that leaves no room for abuse.
A seemingly tiny thing as the nails telling a huge story about how we cope with life and then learn how to live life in full again. Nothing is too petty to not learn something from it.
We can learn so much when we look with loving eyes and an open heart. All our movements choices and behaviours communicate everything to us and to the rest of the world. There is never anything that is not communicated and therefore no way of hiding when start to read the energy being our every interaction and movement. Everything is here for us to learn and grow.
I see an anxiousness in other people when they are biting their nails. They are not present in their body in any way shape or form. You can see how thoughts are “eating them up” and the nervous tension that is called into the body. What an insult to the body, that natural state of being is stillness.
The YES to something much bigger, lets patterns naturally drop, as we are saying YES to the grandness instead of focusing on what stops us from this.
It’s actually quite amazing that we can stop a behaviour without any effort, but through being loving to ourselves. That happened to me and my nails too. In fact I knew the moment that I stopped chewing them. My need had simply stopped.
Using discipline may stop a behaviour on the outside, but it does nothing to address the cause or the origin of the behaviour. It will surely raise its head again.
When you talk about letting your fingers drop when you showed people your engagement/wedding rings due to the shame you carried about your nails, I was struck by how many subtle ways (and the not so subtle) that we alter our bodies due to a belief system. For example, if we feel a bit shy we might hunch our shoulders and make ourselves look a bit smaller so no one really notices us. Fascinating exercise to tune into to see what we do to ourselves due to an ideal or picture or belief system.
True, our body can show what’s going on for us emotionally. Changing those emotions can result in a change in the body, without any trying. Doing it the other way, by changing the habits, doesn’t necessarily deal with the underlying emotion, which can pop up again showing a different bodily habit.
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” How often do we just look at the actual problem and address that without investigating further what’s actually creating it. It’s like only looking at the branches of a tree without considering it’s trunk and roots, for a problem to be properly addressed we need to look at every part of it, not just how it physically manifests in our lives.
A great analogy Meg – love it! if we don’t care for the roots of any plant it will wither and die. When we nurture the roots – give them the right soil and conditions in which to grow – the plant flourishes.
And a plant only survives when you care for it regularly, according and in regard to any kind of weather. Do we do that with our body?
I like the way an issue can not really be an issue but merely a behavioural habit that goes away of its own accord when genuine self-love is brought in to how one lives. This to me is the magic and pure gold of life that is there all the time.
Treating the symptoms and not the cause is like being on a treadmill going through the motions but getting nowhere – you really have to get to the root cause to heal anything properly.
Building a body of love heals any want to harm ourselves – then it simply does not occur to us.
It’s beautiful how you stopped biting your nails by developing more self-love, care and nurturing in your way of being, and the ripple effect this had on all areas of your life, so rather than focusing on stopping what was ‘wrong’ you developed and built on a quality in yourself that supported you to naturally let the habit go.
It is great to hear how you turned your life around Sue, and that it was not willpower but self love that enabled you to naturally stop biting your nails.
In developing a loving relationship with our essence, we naturally become aware of what is of this love and what is not, as such the behaviours that do not fit with loving quality often just fall away without effort. The power of love is awe-inspiring whenever we are willing to surrender to all that is there for us to explore of who we are within.
The more we accept ourselves, the less abusive behaviours we will have. It is as simple as that really in that life is either about love or what is not love. The choice is ours to make.
Absolutely Elizabeth – in being with love there is no room for abuse, it simply cannot exist.
As your self-love grew, so did your nails. No coincidence there 🙂
Proof that we cannot change habits long term by will power – only by changing the quality of our life and letting all other decisions after that begin to follow that quality.
We can change any habit we have, not through willpower but through understanding the root cause of why we have the habit in the first place.
So true Elizabeth. Will power and discipline don’t work – as evidenced by so many who lose weight and then put it back on after their ‘diet’ is over. Loving understanding is the way to go.
Sue it’s truly amazing to read this again because it shows how we flourish with our own self care and self love, it brings enormous healing to the body and being, and things we did (habits etc) or even things we would think such as negative thoughts may evaporate. The more I nurture myself in self love the more that self harming things (even subtle things) fall away. As we build our self love there is no room anymore for that which is not loving. Congratulations, it’s a beautiful story you have shared.
Yes, absolutely – the more self loving acts we bring to ourselves the more what is not loving naturally falls away.
the beauty of honesty, when we reflect on the deeper layer and meaning of why we do things allows us to actually drop deeper into ourselves and understand why we do things the way we do them. It is easier to look at the root cause as we feel it, and can then by our choice move on.
This blog really highlights to me the impact and power of how we are with ourselves, the kind of relationship that we have and build with ourself and our body in all areas of our daily life…
That’s very true, we have the power to navigate our whole lives onto any course we wish to, and it’s not just in our big choices but all the little choices that decides our navigation.
It is beautiful when we start to take care of ourselves, this grows into more love for ourselves and this then can help with letting go of disregarding behaviours. And this thing we change only has to be one simple thing like not overeating or starting to make our bed with care.
Whenever I notice I am biting my nails now I realise something is not quite right with how I am living or feeling, in most of the cases its when I feel something and don’t want to deal with. When I allow myself to feel whatever it is the urge to bite goes.
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause”. This is a huge clue as to why modern medicine is not the sole answer when dealing with illness and disease because it focuses on symptoms rather than the cause of the symptoms. Get to the cause and deal with it and huge miracles occur.
Sometimes when we remove ourselves from a situation, we think things have changed. But in truth withdrawing just postpones what we need to face. Sooner or later the issue will present again, and we’ll have another opportunity to choose to deal with it then. How beautiful the cycles of this world are and how great it is when we see them for the support that they offer.
This is no small miracle Sue, it is a testament to how making seemingly minor adjustments to our lifestyle and being more honouring of the divinity we innately are, leads to a greater settlement in the body. More settlement = less anxiety. And less anxiety means no need to attack ourselves out of the nervous energy we have let run us for so long.
“More settlement = less anxiety. And less anxiety means no need to attack ourselves out of the nervous energy we have let run us for so long.” Beautifully expressed Liane -and so true. Experiencing is believing – and knowing this to be so. .
I didn’t start biting my nails, or at least the skin around my nails, until I was in my sixties. I allowed myself to get really anxious about a certain situation and worried about how I could cope with it and blamed myself for being in it in the first place. I was literally attacking myself. I tried hard not to do this and bought foul tasting liquid to paint on my fingers, I used will power and a firm conviction but when I was up against the wall so to speak the involuntary movement of my hand to my mouth would kick in. Only by bringing a deeper level of acceptance and understanding, only by having compassion for myself, only by allowing myself to feel the love that was there underneath all the judgements and anxiety was it possible for change to occur. Supported by being on Retreats and courses with Universal Medicine the energy with which I lived most of the time became more loving, more surrendered and I realised one day that I had not wanted to react to stress by hurting myself, by eating away at myself. It now seems crazy that I could do such a thing and yet not that long ago it was my normal.
Elaine it is really amazing what you have shared. How many of us go into self attack when we are in an intense situation? It may be anything from unsupportive food choices, excessive exercise, alcohol, or just our harsh internal dialogue speaking to ourselves in an unloving, critical way. The more I build self love into my life the more I remember to turn towards love as a way to support myself, instead of being abusive to myself in some way.
We need loving discipline and not strict discipline in order to change patterns that no longer serve us
I’ve often tried strict discipline to stop habits or pattern of behaviour, but without exception I have reacted to this and gone back to whatever it was, sometime with renewed conviction and vigour. Since being more loving and understanding with myself however, so many things I would have previously seen as impossible to change, have just dropped away with no fuss or hardlined effort needed. In saying yes to love I am saying no to much less.
This is a common human experience to try to use willpower to stop a habit. I generally think of habits as a way we can attempt to relieve ourselves temporarily from a tension, so the willpower approach sets up an even greater tension like a tightly stretched elastic band – at some point we are going to snap back and return to the habit, now perhaps seeking an even greater sense of relief. Bringing in love and understanding doesn’t even try to solve these habits or behaviours, it just begins to take the place of such things and they are then no longer needed.
Sue, this is a great example of how the approach of trying to get rid of the symptom (in this case, nail biting) without looking at and addressing the underlying energetic cause (lack of self-love, self-loathing, etc) will never result in a resolution or healing of the issue. But when you began to live with more self-care and nurturing, the symptom went away effortlessly. A true model for healing!
What an incredible support to get a reading on this. Sure there are a lot of things that can ‘fix’ nail biting – but to actually see what it is – an attack on yourself out of anger – helps start to heal what is behind the action. This is huge and shows the power of looking at why we do things.
This is beautiful Sue as it illustrates how we can stop a habit, go on a diet , .. or any other solution to improve our situation, but what truly changes? When we build a body of love our old habits and protections just naturally drop away.
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” Yes that is the key to change, to healing the root cause of our behaviours and not just trying to force ourselves to stop, because even if we proceed the underlying issue is still there and probably we are now doing something else that releases the tension instead of the habit we stopped with force.
I love that biting your nails fell away – this is so telling of the fact that we can look beyond the issue – that there is always something more to understand which then does not allow space for anything that is not loving or supportive.
It is never a NO to things we want to change but a YES on a bigger scale to you that truly changes habits and patterns that are actually holding us in the loop of distraction or self sabotage.
So true Stefanie saying ‘yes’ to love. What we focus on expands, so focussing on trying to give up a negative habit never works in the long term.
Loving ourselves has seriously great consequences!
It is magical indeed, how things fall into place and we realise how patterns or behaviours do not exist anymore because we worked on our self love. Focussing on the bits we are not so great in will not change them. Building a new foundation of love in our body does resolve them ” automatically” by choosing so.
Love this! seriously great and amazing consequences when we say yes to love.
I love that you stopped biting your nails without even noticing, rather the self loving activities you were doing took care of the need to eat yourself! I really love that the way forward is upping the love.
Upping the love – great phrase – is what’s needed, yes. Then we feel full in ourselves – no empty gaps for old habits to creep in to try to fill.
I remember friends at school who chewed their nails, they wanted to stop and just could not even with deterrents like foul tasting nail paint. Sue what you have shared here about developing your self love and self care being what supported the habit to dissolve could also relate to many unwanted habits and addictions.
Yes, focusing on love and expanding that for myself – which of course leads on to expanding that to everyone else – rather than concentrating on the ‘trying to get rid of a negative habit’ – makes so much sense. Old habits if removed with discipline tend to return. With Love we feel full of ourselves, so there is no emptiness and no need to use an old habit to give us something that we previously lacked.
We so often try to fix or solve problems by dealing only with the physical almost battling against the underlying energy (which is the real cause) whilst not truly changing it. It is exhausting and is in fact the pure nature of what a solution or bandaide actually is.
Solutions are a relief of the tension when we feel deeper into what is truly going on with us and taking responsibility for our own choices. The world champions solutions and is even proud of them, but they are just buying time. In the end, we all need to look deeper and take responsibility, question is: how much has to happen still/ how crazy/ sick does the world need to become, before we stop?
Getting to the underlying energetic cause is so important. Otherwise we use discipline and the old habit can return. This is so obvious in the dieting industry where weight loss yo-yos and rarely do people manage to keep to their target weight without serious discipline.
And another interesting point I’ve found is that while making our lives more loving can dissolve bad habits, the opposite can also occur – and if we stop making our lives loving, caring, respectful or we reduce it in any way these habits can begin to filter back into our lives. Love really is the key.
I love how visual your self abuse was! To the point where you cannot deny or hide the fact that something was not true and loving with how you were living. This is far better than being in the comforted illusion of being ok and not seeing anything as obviously not true or loving when you are hidden behind the world of distraction and indulgence this world has. This could be in TV, over eating or eating foods not true for the body, not expressing love, holding back etc.
It makes so much sense that nail biting is anger directed at ourselves. Bringing understanding to all our habits and behaviours supports us to change them because we are getting to the root cause of why they are there in the first place.
A brilliant example of how if we shine love on something it can completely dissolve our habits and problems. When we begin to build a loving, committed, truly caring life it’s a bit like a snake shedding skin and beginning again, all the old habits begin to shed and new loving habits begin to grow.
I think it’s a great point about not ignoring or dismissing the root cause of something by just focusing on stopping the symptoms instead – how that approach doesn’t set us up for the possibility of true healing because we’re just coming at the issue from a purely functional perspective rather than seeing what’s going on energetically as well…
It is so empowering when we let ourselves see the root cause of why we do what it is we do. If we just treat the symptom but not the underlying cause, we’re hammering our body that we regard just as function. Whereas when we deepen in our understanding we realise we are so much more than just the physical body and that the physical body itself has a fragility and delicateness to it that needs to be treated with that same level of delicateness back. In that humility and understanding, our lives can hugely change in an amazing way.
Beautifully expressed Katerina. Finding and healing the root cause is so important. When treated symptomatically it is no wonder that symptoms return – as so often occurs in western medicine when the quick fix is so often desired – by both patient and doctor alike – often on account of the system the doctors work within.
What you show us here Sue is the way to heal what is not true is just to go deeper with loving ourselves not focusing on fixing what’s ‘wrong’.
” I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day. ” This is so wonderful Sue and its just so simple, imagine 50 years of a way of living evaporated in a few months just awesome.
I agree – awesome – but even more awesome would be if the world got to know how simple and easy it is to transform old habits – Simply apply more love…..
A reminder that self love is the key to dealing with many of our ill patterns and behaviours. Self loathing can manifest itself in thousands of ways from bitting nails, to bulimia to actual cutting.
Love is always the missing ingredient to our woes.
When we feel we need to hide a part of us we put an enormous pressure onto us as we are constantly busy with not showing this side of us. Not being content with ourselves diminishes our whole beingness.
At some point in my life I developed a habit of looking for split ends in my hair. It became like an addiction andI knew that my eyes were suffering because of it, I knew that it kept me in my head and away from what I needed to really look at but I still did it. I said to myself I would stop but stopping never lasted very long. A few years after being introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine someone commented on the fact that I no longer had this habit. It was true it had just dropped away. I, like you Sue, had started to view my life differently, I had begun to accept myself and appreciate myself in a way that I had not done before. I was connecting to my true self unashamedly and beginning to claim back a truer and more loving relationship.
Once we begin to accept and appreciate – and love – who we are – it’s amazing to look back and realise how many old habits have gently faded away without any trying.
Having a habit for fifty years and then having it fade away as self-love was introduced – speaks volumes. We may think that nail biting is not important, but it represents all the other habits we live with that have the possibility just to fade away when self-love is introduced into our daily diet.
Yes, self – love is big medicine.
A gorgeous reminder Sue that the harmful habits that we have need not be solved by psychological analysis but by us bringing more Love to us. Like when you wipe a whiteboard clean, every mark and squiggle gets erased not just the one you started out to remove. Love works by healing everything not just the part you are noticing.
” Love works by healing everything not just the part you are noticing.” I love this – and so true. No trying required.
I so love it – when we start to restore what is, what is not starts to leave us. No push or pull. So simple and beautiful.
One thing I have learned continually with Universal Medicine is that, if the root of the issue is healed then all effects that the issues had rippled out, just fall away.
Love is key to bringing true healing to the body.
When we allow ourselves the space to live via our movements and connection to the body we begin to build a foundation of love for self and it is via these gentle movements to nurture who we are we see old habits die gently along with it. So even the habits such as nail biting which may be harsh begin to dissipate gently because we are allowing more love in.
Allowing more love in – that’s the key . If we truly love ourselves how could we possibly harm our precious body – be it with nail-biting or any other form of self-abuse?
Such a great reminder of the power of the self-love and its simplicity.
I still get surprised by the fact that changing a seemingly unrelated habit has a profound effect on another.
It is great to come back and re-read this as this is a habit that I have not broken. When I feel anxious or uncomfortable in a situation I still go into this behaviour. I can go periods without doing it but find its still a pattern I resort too, in reading this it asks me to sit with this and bring more awareness to when I am doing this.
Becoming aware of when we go into our bad habits is a first step. The reading as to what energy we are in – and our movements – before that, supports me as i too very occasionally return to this. Not beating ourselves up – another important step – rather to appreciate how far we have come.
Smoking was the same for me Sue, I didn’t try to quit but rather I was re-introduced to myself and once that relationship begun to blossom, I found it impossible to smoke, for I had no emptiness to fill up and in your case, you had stopped eating away at yourself and naturally the whole nail biting thing went with it! Universal Medicines approach makes sense, treat the cause not the symptom.
There must be so many of us Esoteric students who have found old habits have gently faded away as we healed the causes and become more true to ourselves. When you consider the stop smoking programme in the UK – and its cost – surely filling our emptiness with love for ourselves has to be a more gentle 9And cost-effective) way of approaching such issues.
I remember biting my nails throughout my teens and twenties and probably 30’s. I used to do it when I was anxious or tense and I have a feeling now that it was because I never expressed what I was feeling and so would bite my nails instead.
It is amazing how when we choose to love ourselves habits we thought were deeply engrained simply fall away without any ‘trying’ to exert control over them. Once we embrace the love that we are the things that are not loving are released.
Nail biting is it really anger against oneself? Or is it more a reflection of a profoundly unsettled body of a person that has decided that there is nothing inside him/herself that is worth enough to shape his/her own way of moving?
Love does not need a lot of effort, it is a choice to feel and connect to who we are inside and start with simple choices to apply this love more and more in our lives and then ‘Old Habits die gently’
Simply and elegantly stated Annelies. Loving, appreciating and confirming who we truly are – the ‘way’ to undo old habits without trying.
So true, we have to see what is underneath and what is at the core of the issue we are facing.. To truly understand we need to not judge ourselves for whatever we have done, but simply hold ourselves in warmth and surrender (love) to what we are there for to feel again.. Being it absolute love or an absolute lie – to hold steady and not react.
Love your comment Danna – to ‘hold ourselves in warmth and surrender (love) ‘ and ‘to hold steady and not react’ – true wisdom.
Sue I could so relate to the nasty tasting stuff put on my nails to stop me bitting them, although it only stopped me for a short while, I don’t think I consciously stopped bitting them, over time I didn’t feel the same stresses that I had felt when I was at school, and one day my mum remarked on how lovely my nails were, and I realised that I no longer felt that same anxiety I once did.
Thank you Sue for being the amazing woman you are.
” Biting my Nails – Old Habits die gently” just a great example of how we self heal if we want to, thank you for sharing.
What a great story about something that turned my stomach a little to be honest. It’s an interesting read on how you worked through something by not focusing on it but by looking at what was causing it. Almost like in place of treating or solving the symptom you went at the root cause of it. I love how the example was given also of living beyond the symptom and not trying to fix it by making it look better and in this way it just fell away. You lived a different way and this way then supported you to automatically make more caring and true choices, almost like magic.
Yes, focussing on symptoms alone doesn’t heal anything. Appreciating and loving ourselves is a much gentler way. Bringing understanding rather than judgement can get to the root cause. Miracles can then happen.
Yes I agree and it feels a little more concrete than that. Not in an inflexible way but an action movement on what you have truly felt to do next. Not getting caught up in the what was happening but more of a dedication all over on why a certain behaviour is playing out.
Pushing myself has introduced itself again recently into my life. I used to think that pushing myself was committing to life but now I realise whether I am in procrastination or driving myself to get things done it is one of the same – abuse to my body and to that all around. Making my life about what needs to be done first creates complication and this way of being then leads to exhaustion. Committing to life is committing to self first and not allowing anything to get in the way of this commitment and then going about my day. Nominating the abuse when it shows its face and appreciating the nominating are key.
Yes, “Committing to life is committing to self first…” When we do this with ourselves in full we can then fully commit to others.
An amazing reminder than we can dissolve any habit with a daily dedication to making our lives more loving – thank you.
When we live love we have no need to self harm, when we forget the love bomb we truly are we open ourselves up to all sorts of ill conditions.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” It really is very inspiring to read that you can always reimprint anything, anything that is not bringing a level of love to the body.
Yes its great to know that we can re-imprint anything – whatever our age, culture, race etc including the beliefs and ideals we were raised in. We have enormous power – the power of love….
We are never to old to discover and get rid of the rubbish we have been carrying around our whole life and find the amazing sole that we have hidden within us.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” The magic of love is boundless.
We could call these healings miracles, and on a temporal level I can imagine you can perceive it as such. But in fact it is much more simple, as it is simply our connection with the love that we are and we are avoiding to live, that does not allow any abuse to the body.
This is a lovely story Sue thanks for sharing. Its amazing how we alert ourselves to something being wrong by our habits. Being able to read this, having connected with universal medicine led to the understand as to why, which led to the healing understanding of self love, so wonderful.
When you choose self-love, the miracles are limitless.
Often we try to get it rid of old habits by eradicating them with a force or fervour with not much success. Doing it with understanding, gently and patiently may appear weak when we start but turns out to be strong and lasting when we continue.
As long as the cause isn´t resolved the symptom can at best be managed but not healed, but usually we try hard and experience failure which contributes even more to a sense of giving up on ourselves and thus continuing or even worsen our symptoms or behaviours.
Our love is our greatest protection and to not live it means we erode our sense of self and feel ill equipped to face what is in front of us.
I would have never thought that you could be somebody who bites their nails, Sue! What a transformation.
Sue I love your re-imprinting of the old saying in your title. Dealing with our unwanted behaviours should absolutely be a gentle, appreciative process, not a haul-yourself-over-the-coals, self-flagellation fest!
I agree, the title is brilliant!
What you share here Sue is something we all should aim for and that is a deep and loving relationship with ourselves!
How is it that we expect and often demand love from others but do not give it to ourselves? We have to start with loving ourselves first and then we can actually let love in.
This is a great example of how going to the root cause of a habit instead of looking at the habit as the issue, it becomes not a battle using will power but a process of love.
Beautifully said Kim – I hadn’t actually ever appreciated healing as process of love until I read what you have shared.
Looking at our patterns and behaviours can show why we move in a certain way and why we do them in the first place. Once we know why we move in this unloving way we can begin to build more loving steps and a rhythm that supports our bodies as a whole. Sounds pretty awesome to me.
A natural cure….getting to the bottom of why the ‘problem’ is there in the first place and healing that. Makes complete sense!
Lovely Sue, healing from the inside out.., with no band-aid solutions or cover ups.
What a great example Sue of how when we keep trying to heal the symptom and not the root cause that it can fall flat, but it sounds like you really changed a lot and the reason for why you were biting your nails was rendered nought, because you looked at the whole picture, not just the fact you were biting your nails.
What I love about this blog is that we often place the behaviour or habit as the problem, instead of the seeing the behaviour as the symptom or the consequence and the problem happening 10 steps before. And what I love is that you addressed not the behaviour but what was happening 10 steps before and that truly worked.
That a 50-year habit which has undermined you for much of your life can just evaporate is a testament to the empowerment we are blessed with when we commit to continually deepening our self-care and self-love.
Sue we can never underestimate the power of self love and the far reaching changes it can bring. When we love and value ourselves behaviours and habits that reflect a lack of self love can fall away.
Bad habits and patterns do die gently if we so choose it. Thank you Sue for the reminder to gracefully and with commitment kick out these habits and patterns that hold us back from living our true purpose here on earth.
As I read this article my mind was wandering – and this has nothing to do with the article but the state I was in and what was coming up for me to see should I choose to see it – that the habit of losing time, not being focussed is, well, a habit – and certainly one that with willingness can also be one to gently break. We break habits not with a driving dedication that then sees us replace one bad habit with another, often a much sneakier one at that – we can truly break habits when we get to the bottom of why we go into them in the first place, what it is we get out of them, and actually feel the extent of the harm they cause us. Then we can make that clear choice of no – that I’m choosing me instead, the love that I am to express, and not that sneaky, pestering little habit that drags me down along with it.
It’s so amazing what’s possible. I also wonder if part of what stopped you going for the nail biting was that as your self love increased, you felt safer expressing how you actually felt about things…and so rather than suppressing the emotions or whatever was going on, you were more open or more understanding of the situations and so didn’t actually proceed to stage 2 of anxiety.
A good point Elodie. Certainly nowadays I express much more about how I feel.
What I love about this is that it wasn’t the effort or will power that was required but by upping the love so to speak for yourself the unloving acts simply fell away. This is so obvious but revolutionary in a world of psychology focussed on fixing symptoms.
Yes fixing symptoms doesn’t work ) I tried that one for many years! We need to address the cause. And what we focus on expands – so developing my self love and thus general confidence enabled the old habit to fall away gracefully, as I no longer fixated on curing it. I had actually given up on that one!.
Thank you Vanessa and Sue, it’s too easy to focus on a symptom such as a behaviour or habit in an attempt to fix the situation, but what if it’s only there as a symptom of lack of love? Focusing on love is the way to go, thank you for this reminder.
“I realised that self-love was a new concept to me! I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” In reading this paragraph I have been prompted to ponder what having reactions are truly all about for me. Reaction to life, is a well worn path I’ve tread for most of my life, and recently it has become even more intense at times. Could this be my way of expressing self-loathing and lack of self-love? To feel the truth and know it with every particle of my body but not to act upon it-causes great frustration within me, which in turn causes me to react to everyone and everything around me. I feel this paragraph has added a new piece to the puzzle for me, about having reactions. Thank you Sue. What if I were to respond instead? How could that change my quality of life for the better?
Self-love and appreciation is such marvellous medicine.
Very true!
A beautiful example Sue of lovingly, consistently and gently self caring and nurturing; dropping off old and persistent habits that no longer serve us. Energetic responsibility is the key.
I was blown away when I realised what was happening. Amazing how self loving and nurturing can transform old ingrained habits.
Yes I agree Shirley, it wasn’t until recently that I was reminded deeply about my energetic responsibility and I got it on a whole new level. We leave an energetic marker wherever we go. Whomever we are with whomever and whatever we touch.
Learning about responding, rather than reacting – from Serge Benhayon- opened up a whole new world for me too. Becoming aware of how we feel, in any given moment, allows us to choose our response. And if we go back into old familiar ways not to beat ourselves up, but say ‘oops’ and start over.
That’s miraculous Sue to do that to your body over 50 years and now stop. I have a bad habit that I continually abuse myself with daily – still! It’s great to have this awareness that at the core or cause is a lack of self-worth or self-loathing.
It certainly feels like a miracle – a few years on. Deepening our self loving and nurturing ourselves truly is amazing medicine. Focussing on what is, not the what is not, is something Universal Medicine has taught me. When I focussed on my nail-biting and attempting to ‘cure’ my habit – it just seemed to magnify the problem.
I love the focus on how old habits can die gently. There is no struggle when we connect and commit to change.
Yes, staying connected is the key – no more struggle or ‘trying’. What a relief after years of that! What we focus on expands – so ‘trying’ increases that aspect. Focussing on loving and nurturing ourselves expands that too. I know which I prefer!
“There is no struggle when we connect and commit to change”. Here,here!!
I have a habit of chewing my lips – it used to be this inside of my mouth but it’s progressed since then. It’s something I’m aware of and when I do catch myself doing it I stop myself, but this can happen several if not many times a day. I really want to stop but have not fully got to the bottom of it, so have just been trying to treat the symptom. I definitely do it more when I’m anxious, so am working on being more present, feeling my body from the inside out, so I’m not getting ahead of myself (which creates anxiousness in my body). It’s work in progress so I’ll let you know how it goes.
Anxiousness can cause a variety of symptoms, including the one you describe Lucy. I found developing more conscious presence with myself and my body – and self love and nurturing – allowed my nail-biting habit to dissolve away. Giving it attention seemed to make it worse, cos I felt I wasn’t good enough and shouldn’t be doing that ‘at my age’! Let us know how it goes for you. Having loving support and no (self) judgement helps too.
There is so much more going on in life than we realise… and our actions come from within so if the actions aren’t what we want, there is an opportunity to look within to address the root cause.
Self-love is a powerful medicine that forms a foundational part of the answer to so many of our woes and ills.
A good dose of self-love is how we get to know that we ARE love, and that we don’t have an ounce of justification to not love ourselves deeply and always.
I was always a bit bamboozled by what a ‘behaviour’ is. It was a concept I could never quite grasp, until I realised it describes a particular pattern of movements that are not true. These movements could be the way someone speaks – the tone, the volume, the intent etc. Recognising these behaviours makes it so much easier to observe and understand why this person may be using these and what they are actually trying to say.
Sometimes with self-loathing and lack of self-love it’s like we can get ourselves into a downwards cycle – whereby we do something as a result of the self-loathing e.g nail biting or overeating or binging on alcohol/ drugs… and then hate ourselves more because of what we did and thereby perpetuate the loathing. But Serge Benhayon truly presents a way to heal ourselves and rebuild the love that we innately are, first with ourselves and from there naturally being it more in all our relationships.
Treating symptoms instead of the root cause is at best only a temporary solution. The only way to bring true change is to understand and heal the root cause of any dis-ease in the body.
Introducing love and appreciation for oneself is very powerful and it will not only help us from stopping biting our nails as in your case Sue, but even more than that, it will support us in the unfolding of the beautiful human being we naturally are and deserve to be.
Acceptance, love and appreciation bring so much into our lives, once we stop the self-bashing. As you say Nico, we are all amazing human beings. We only have to look at young babies to see we were all like that once – open and unprotected, full of love. Yet along the way – with the way society is set up, we accumulate hurts and reduce ourselves from the magnificence we were born with. The good news being, with the support of Universal Medicine, that many have or are on the way to restoring their natural beauty and being-ness.
I find a habit never disappears by focusing on it, but by changing the quality I choose to live my life by. For example, if I am over-eating, or eating too many nuts or something I know is not right for me, will-power will only last so long, however if I make choices to look after myself more deeply and make different choices throughout the day the tendency to over-eat or to eat the wrong things begins to disappear.
I agree Meg – that will power and discipline don’t hold forever – hence the many failed dieters. Deepening our self-loving choices on the other hand can result in amazing changes for our lives.
I love how you have said your 50 years of habit evaporated without you trying to do anything – it really goes to show how we get it wrong when we look out our ‘issues’ and try to fix them, and the ‘issues’ are secondary to what is underneath energetically.
Yes indeed, we need to look beneath our issues and habits to see and feel what is truly going on energetically – then we can truly heal. Anything else is just a patch-up, a temporary fix, hence so many illnesses return because the true cause hasn’t been addressed.
It is interesting to consider that our outer behaviour is so much so an expression of how we are with ourselves from within and therefore everything, as biting nails, does tell us something about how we are on the inside and from this point, if we are looking for a treatment, we always have to also engage our inner behaviour in it too.
Miracles do happen! Gosh, we really take for granted just how simple life can actually be when we stop to appreciate the wonders that we are.
This blog confirms that life can be so simple – simply choose self love as your way and be ever diligent of the detail of this always honest, holding and appreciative. Everything else that is not true just drops away.
It is phenomenal that a 50 year habit can dissolve in a matter of weeks when the true cause is addressed rather than just treatment of the symptoms. So many people suffering through this would be deeply supported in knowing that it could be eradicated through addressing their self loathing and lack of self love and in learning to love rather than attack themselves.
Yes Sue, who ever would equate a true remedy for biting nails to ‘being yourself’, but it makes perfect sense really. To not be ourselves leaves us ill-equipped to deal with life, and hence we feel anxiety. Connect to the essence of who we are, and life starts to feel a whole lot more manageable. It just goes to show that healing is far more than arresting a symptom… and that even if you had managed to stop the nail biting through any of those means you tried, the underlying need to bite them would be no different, so chances are it would have just shown itself in a different way.
This shows how powerful we are when we make a choice to love ourselves and make it a priority in our life.
Yes, we are so powerful when we make self loving a priority in life, as you say, yet so many of us have been taught to hide our light and love; and even when we know better we continue to do so for fear of reactions and jealousy from others. Yet if we truly are full of love, then we can hold strong and it doesn’t matter how others treat us. Appreciation of ourselves – and others – is so important. Let’s build each other up, not tear each other down.
A lovely simple example Sue of choosing to self love and nurture. What you have written here is powerful and wise;
“I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood”.
Healing unresolved hurts then the behaviour patterns that we develop to hide and protect ourselves from feeling the pain are no longer needed and they fall away like shedding a skin.
So true Jstewart. When we heal from the inside out old behaviours can gently fall away. Protection is then no longer needed.
I too have bitten my nails and can relate to those feelings of overwhelm that seem so big that the only way to relieve it was to eat away at myself, literally. Stopping biting my nails happened instantly after experiencing the Gentle Breath Meditation for a few days. It was quite extraordinary and I knew the moment that I stopped. I have loved caring for my nails and hands ever since. Come to think of it I don’t feel anxious and overwhelmed that often now either. Connecting to the fact that I am so much more than any issue has helped me understand that the whole of my body is important to care for.
Small changes are the beginning of far greater things.
Self-care and self-love is such potent medicine, beautifully shared Sue. Thank you for being so open.
‘ It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.’ Great you no longer eating yourself Sue, you much to precious too be a meal for your anger. I know you no longer live with this anger but have chosen to heal this issue and to love yourself.
I have not been a nail biter but know many who have been. When we are stressed or feeling under some form of pressure we all seem to find an outlet for our anxiety . We need to see ourselves as worthy of love and self love is as good place to start!
It’s amazing how our most stubborn habits and behaviours melt away when we commit to making our life about love and about purpose. Commitment is the remedy for so much…
I too used to be consumed by nail biting and it can still at times play out even now. From what I have observed, it surfaces when I become consumed by the detail of life and become overwhelmed with how to cope with what is on my plate, hence the anxiousness/raciness that jumpstarts the nibbling of nails. I have learnt then when I first feel myself slipping into this overwhelm and confusion all I need to do is pan out and see the web and every thread that makes it so. The key is to pay attention to the detail in life, but not get lost in it. There is always a bigger picture at play.
‘I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.’ Isn’t this what we tend to do? And then we create a habit that can put a lid on our feelings, and the reaction to our feelings, such as anger in this case. I have found the same for myself, that if I put more focus on my own care and the quality in which I live all else follows and that same value and appreciation for myself grows too.
Thank you for your sharing, I feel that many people can probably relate to it. A habit of anxiousness and I notice when I do it it keeps me in this state and momentum, a constant movement. When I stop and register it then I can feel more of what is going on.
Letting go of an old habit can leave you feeling quite vulnerable. What do I do now that I am no longer relying on this habit? The need to fill the space and ‘do’ something else can be very strong. I love how you introduced new self loving choices and as a result your nail biting simply stopped with no need for will power or struggle.
A simple but powerful account of true healing thanks Sue, something that has to be a whole-body and being process, and not just the addressing of a symptom as you spent years trying unsuccessfully to do.
Thank you Sue for your open sharing and I agree just trying to fix things or find a solution does not work, we do need to address the root cause and support ourselves from then onwards and Universal Medicine offers amazing modalities to support with this.
Trying to fix the problem without finding the root cause never does work, at least not in the long run as you have found Sue. When we connect to our true essence of love and bring this love into our self care, then amazing healing is possible, as in your case. Thank you for sharing Sue.
Biting nails seems such little thing but from my experience also it was a pattern that was hard to break as there were times I didn’t even realise I was biting them. Anxiety and lack of self worth were behind my addiction and I never consciously knew this until I started to put in place a self loving program for myself and one day I realised that I was not biting my nails anymore. This experience has confirmed that the simplest pattern that is attacking who we are has an underlying cause and by deeply loving ourselves these patterns become exposed and beliefs, ideals or pictures become exposed for what they are – not true. A simple blog with a very loving message – thanks Sue.
I have a habit of chewing on plastic when I feel stressed – I often do it without noticing. It is something I have always done from when I was about 10. After reading this blog I am going to pay more attention to when I start to do it and what I am feeling at the time.
It can be such a distressing and demoralising experience to judge ourself for our behaviours and try to force ourself to change. This approach seldom works, yet we seem to employ it again and again and in fact children are often educated in this manner. I appreciate the way Serge Benhayon has turned this approach on its head.
When our starting point is to see the love, harmony and true essence in a person, anything out of sync with that is simply recognised as a departure from that. And how delightful it is to see everything that was previously defeating us turn around, naturally, not because we have forced it, but when we return to the living the love that is our true expression, anything other than that simply does not belong.
Love your comment Golnaz. Force never works. It becomes a struggle and there is no flow, often it backfires and behaviour can fall apart again. Focusing on the love we all truly are is the way forward.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” Thanks to Universal Medicine this became true for me too, prior to that I had no love for my body or no time, life was about being busy and doing for others. Now I put myself first, love myself and nurture myself, and take more care of myself.
I love to observe how many of us are living a more loving life. Focusing on the love we truly are and rather than the struggle to improve enables me to hugely appreciate where I now am, compared with how I used to live.
I made the same experiences Sue with other issues. That I do not have to focus on them, but focus on living more love in my day and then everything else does fall into place. It is like being a puzzle which is out of order and with living love again my pieces become one again.
Treating and healing the cause as well as the symptoms is the key, as you have so wisely pointed out Sue. A simple and powerful example of how true healing happens when we heal the hurts, the cause.
Our hands are such a beautiful part of ourselves and our nails are the extension of the love from our hands dressed up beautifully to be seen.
I love love love that humanity is slowly returning to love (in its truest form) by starting to take great care of themselves and learning to love themselves and know that they are actually love.
Treating the symptoms but not the cause is like removing a weed and leaving the root in. A root that of course just regenerates and digs in and buries itself all the more.
Great metaphor Suse. Removing intractable roots from garden plants is a key component in gardening. Just removing the unsightly weeds doesn’t rid the soil of the problem. It is strange that the same philosophy isn’t generally applied in medicine, yet treating symptoms and equating that with health is.
Some people turn their anger inwards and others throw it outwards, but either way it is all the same.
I Love the title of the blog, so many times you hear that it is a struggle to give up something that does not support us and I can see where this comes from, I have been there myself. When we think, force ourselves into something, it is not sustainable and it comes from the head. I am learning that there is a whole body intelligence, my particles can align or not with a certain choice / understanding. When it comes from this place, I feel a foundation that supports me. I have stopped drinking alcohol, smoking…etc so many habits are being let go of gently, no force involved, because I am honouring more what the body shares, without overriding it.
That’s amazing Samantha. Honouring what our body shares with us is so important. Whole body intelligence – so much more valuable than mental intelligence. Yet we are not shown this in our families or schools – yet.
I didn’t bite my nails but I did pick my face a lot and could relate to holding anger in and lack of self worth by doing this. I found it easier to let go of foods or drinks that I knew made me sick than stop picking my face. I would pick it even when driving the car and it would be so subconscious that when my husband would mention it to me I was surprised. Now I don’t even think about picking my face… if I ever do, I am very aware of it and doing it gently for a reason. This changed over many years of treating myself with more care and learning to express myself and not hold it in. My skin has changed dramatically as well to reflect my loving choices.
Very well done Sue, to feel your dedication to changing how you are with yourself and the difference that made to your life and your nails is truly inspiring. And what I feel about this miracle is it’s no a flash in the pan but a daily lived way built consistently over time, you’ve put in the work of love and it’s changed everything.
The miracles of love – no expensive therapy, or unpleasant treatments needed – just the daily application of love and caring for our bodies and our well-being. Imagine what else is possible!
What a difference you have made to your life by using your awareness and self love. Without the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine {and the wonderful Practitioners} most of us would still be stuck and not moving forward in our lives. I am truly grateful for the my connection to Universal Medicine and people like yourself who share their journey and growth so that we to may learn to do the same!
The work of Universal Medicine has the potential to change so much of how we approach life. The power of self love really works, things really do drop away as we become more self loving. I was reflecting on the product you bought from the chemist to paint on your nails to discourage biting them. That one example shows the approach humanity has to psychological issues and indeed to other human beings. We tend to work on providing solutions to problems but that we don’t bring love into the equation, nor do we view that we ourselves are in essence love and that the separation from that love is the issue not the nail biting. Imagine how the world would change if love became our foundation?
It’s so life changing…. who would have ever considered self love and self care to be so power- full in shifting such old and ingrained patterns.
I surprised myself – after a lifetime of old ingrained habits – to be able to so easily let go – amazing!
It is amazing how the root of many of our ills and aliments lie in lack of self-love. Thank you Sue for sharing another inspiring story. We are so worth loving.
So much of our world today is treating the symptoms, living the top layer of life. We need more brave people like you in the world Sue who are prepared to look beyond what is on the surface and get to what’s really going on in the world. And i love that there is another human out there that is learning to deeply love and care for themselves.
The miracle of self love and appreciation Sue! Finding ourselves again and embracing the tender beauties we are is necessary for each and every one of us if we are to have a more loving world, which one day we certainly will. You are now a powerful reflection having discovered more of the true you! I love it and what it means for us all.
Its amazing old patterns and behaviour we pick up as we age and then they become a part of us. I remember when first picking them up it was like a new flow in my body, and now as I decide to let go of behaviours and habits that aren’t serving, the flow is restored.
Such an awesome sharing Sue as I too was an avid nail biter. I found through looking at my past hurts and issues that had been there in the shadows for so long and allowing them to come to the surface, I began to uncover the beautiful ways in which we can truly care for ourselves and leave the issues and hurts behind. My nails have never looked so good. Thank you Sue.
This is a beautiful testimony for how to bring healing and change unwanted behaviour. How often do we use will-power to change addictions only to fail after the first few hurdles. It certainly makes sense to look underneath at what is causing the problem rather than just treating the symptom itself. It has definitely worked in your case, Sue.
Yes, will power alone is not enough. I tried that route – symptom-treating for over forty years! Delving underneath those symptoms and treating the causation is the way to heal and results in long-lasting change.
50 years of habitual behaviour addressed by taking a step back and building self-love in the body. That is worth shouting from the roof top!! You said yes to self love, not no to biting your nails and from what I have observed in my own life that is the key difference. I have no doubt we will constantly be learning and be a work in progress, in fact, yes please.
Blogs like these need to be heard and as you say shouted from the rooftops, as we currently live in a world that pumps out constant messages of not being good enough and needing to have willpower and control to change that. You only need to go to the gym to see what this is doing to men and women… disconnecting ourselves more and more from the real wisdom of our bodies. Self-love should never be underestimated or ignored.
Anger – be it against ourselves or against others – is like a poison that kills tenderness, sweetness and joy. But also it is just a trick to cover the deep sadness that lies underneath. The sadness of being disconnected to ourselves and our brothers around us. It is a missing of brotherhood. But by expressing anger we will not make more friends or coming closer to others again… so it is not an intelligent way of dealing with our longings. Currently I found that quite often in our lives: we use techniques to reach something which is not suitable to do so. So we have to re-learn techniques which do support our true longings for harmony, love, connection, intimacy, joy and so on. I found Universal Medicine a great supporter here.
Great point Doug, I also find relaxing my shoulder works and along with bringing focus to my breath these allow me to stay away from tensions that would have controlled me in the past.
Inspirational Sue, and like you I am very much a work in progress. I am finding that the more space I create the deeper my awareness becomes about how being self-loving serves everyone equally.
So much of our lives can focus on trying to fix, solve and eradicate problems. We dig away, deconstruct and look to throw out. Yet when we simply continually increase the care we have for ourselves, the results, well they speak for themselves. It seems Sue we are glad to focus on what appears to be wrong, yet if we just picked the part in us that was true and made our life about increasing that quality the disfunctional bits could not help but be cleared up.
We have so many old habits That simply do not support us… But how to break out of these entrenched old paradigms? and this is where Universal Medicine really comes to the fore as it presents how to reconnect with the part of us that does actually know and feel what is best for us, and what will actually evolve us
Very inspiring Sue: putting the focus on loving ourselves rather than trying to tackle a problem”head on”
The correlation between liking or even loving ourselves and the conscious choice to do things that demonstrate this love is so simple and yet so often overlooked. If we have a behaviour that makes us feel ill or weak or less consistently well, then it does seem possible that the most effective way to address it is not necessarily head on but by introducing behaviours that make us feel more love filled, and thus less likely to want to indulge in anything that could be considered self harming.
It reminds me of that saying “what’s eating you” – beautiful as your self-love grew your nails grew – sounds like you nailed it.
My laugh for the morning, thank you Nicola 🙂
Amazing proof that a little bit of love changes everything, the more we learn to love and care for ourselves the more our old patterns and behaviours melt away.
Imagine if self-love was the first thing taught at school,, with an understanding that with this, then all other choices could naturally flow after this connection was made.
I find that story amazing, it just shows how powerful energy is, that we can change a habit that seems impossible to shift without even trying. I had battled with alcohol abuse before Uni Med and when I begun attending presentations the drinking just dropped off natural, same thing, no effort required, truly magical when you consider it.
Absolutely magical Sarah – amazing isn’t it when we start to love and appreciate ourselves how old habits fade away. Energy sure is powerful – whichever one we choose…….
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” This is such a great testament to treating symptoms does not resolve the problem but when the cause is addressed ‘miracles’ can happen.
This is such a powerful testimony Sue, of how incredible our bodies truly are. Not only are they constantly alerting or signalling to us when something is up, but our bodies magnificently respond to love and loving choices. We as a society tend to get caught up in treating the symptoms of our unease, yet what you have shared here shows that behind every symptom is a quality of energy through which that symptom has developed. If we do not address this loveless energy the symptoms will remain.
It may at first sound fanciful that the energy we hold in our bodies is the cause of our behaviours. But it gets very powerful and very beautiful when you undertake Esoteric healing, clear energy and watch those behaviours fall away as Sue testifies. My experience of getting off the treatment table after many gentle hands on sessions was that I knew I felt very different and something had been let go of. This is amazing medicine.
Hi Sue, I too was an avid nail biter ever since I was very young. Once I was introduced to Universal Medicine and the practical ways to bring self care and love into my life, I didn’t even feel the need to bite my nails anymore. I now have lovely strong, shiny nails that I love to paint and take care of. Self love and appreciation really is our best medicine.
“and even like myself”….when I read this I smiled in the joy and appreciation of you bringing that love to you slowly and then I wondered, how many people don’t like themselves in this world? I think the number would be quite high if people were honest. I know I did not like me very much for quite a while and like you Sue, I have been inspired by Universal Medicine to bring in more love and care into my life. These days I also quite like myself, even love myself. Nice.
And two years on I can now say I love myself now too – whoo hoo. Huge appreciation for all that Universal Medicine has presented to us all – to enable us to make loving choices in our lives that result in miraculous changes after years of ‘trying’ to sort things/habits/illnesses etc out.
Having lived so many years without liking myself it is now a great joy to say I like and love myself and like you, Sara, it is the result of the inspiration of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Just goes to show Sue that by being more self loving we stop eating away at ourselves, and biting our nails is just one way we do this!.
You say so much here Sue: “I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.”
What if we were truly fostered for who we are from day one – nourished, loved deeply and confirmed for the true beauty within us all? Would our children develop habits such as you’ve described?
It’s beautiful to read and feel how it was your relationship with yourself – the deeper love, cherishing and care – that then sparked this change for you. At any time, no matter what we’ve been ‘told’ about who are are from young, we can choose to heal what’s been, can’t we… It’s our call.
Yes with understanding – not judgement – we can move forward when we get to the root cause. Treating symptoms only never works.
What you share here Sue about trying to treat the symptoms and not the cause is huge – if we don’t address what’s underlying a habit or addiction then it will keep coming back in the same or different guises until we can heal what’s driving it.
Yes I found when ‘trying’ to stop biting my nails by force other sneaky patterns came in to replace the nail biting. Only by treating the root cause and applying self love and appreciation did all those old patterns drop away.
You write about the underlying cause for many aliments, lack of self love. It is the illness of humanity, when this is no present true care for ourselves can never be made.
What a great confirmation of self love Sue . . . and the power of appreciating ourselves for who we are can never be underestimated. Such simple steps for such life changing results.
Truly loving and accepting ourselves fully is life changing and can alter substantially actually how we feel about our bodies.I spent years not liking my legs and feet and really just ignored them. My feet swelled and my legs were chunky! Now after some years of deeply appreciating my legs and feet and nourishing them my feet don’t swell and my legs feel gorgeous! True love of self can work miracles!
So lovely to hear how true self love has resulted in your beautiful legs and feet Anne. Self appreciation really works!
Thank you Anne, you helped me realise that when I criticise or loathe a part of myself I dump that energy into my body. Anything but love is harmful.
“I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.” It is something most of us have done when we where young, listen to others what they have told us and therefor not accepting and appreciating ourselves. I too have changed this around in my life now and it feel so amazing in my body.
Biting my nails has been a long-term habit with me too and I still do so. It does not feel so unconscious or intense as it once did, but it is still there for me. As I re-read this blog the words ‘I stopped pushing myself’ felt very relevant to my nail-biting issues and I felt able to appreciate just how healing blogs like these are where the experiences of one support the awareness of others. Thank you again Sue for sharing your awareness here.
Reading this reminded me how in the past I too suffered many years of nail biting and infected fingers and couldn’t stop. At some point after attending Universal Medicine events I simply stopped biting my nails. I also shed lots of kilos and bloating and settled at a very healthy weight and got a lot fitter. Lots of things have changed in this way without my directly tackling them.
Beautiful Sue, some patterns and habits can be with us so long, it is like we hold onto them like a comfort blanket. We think they cannot ever change yet your words today have reminded me, that if we are willing to look underneath the surface of our behaviour and be honest, then our body can release and let go.
This is beautiful to read – when we truly self care and love ourselves anything is possible, old patterns and habits that have held us back for years can miraculously begin to dissolve.
There is much to learn from this with regards to resolving any unloving habits we may have – to uprooting them fundamentally and not just focussing solely on stopping the behaviour in question.
We humans cover up our feelings of anxiety in many different ways but we all have something in common – in that the underlying energy is the same.
I am constantly amazed at the miracles that occur once we take great care of ourselves and rebuild our self-love. Sue, your story is an amazing celebration of love.
Sue and others what I feel is so important here is looking at why we have our habits not trying to stop the habit at the end of the chain. For example there are times when I find I bite my nails, its very rare and I am like wow how did that happen? the key I am reminded of today is it happened a long time ago – so step back and look at that instead of the nail biting end result.
Yes, as mentioned earlier by others finding the root cause and healing that is important, not just treating symptoms.
When we keep treating the symptom and not looking at the cause the symptoms will persist until we find the underlying cause. It is lovely when we don’t have to hide our hands in shame of what others might think, because we so often use our hands as part of our everyday expression.
Treating the symptoms not the cause is such a powerful lesson for us all to heed, thank you Sue for highlighting the importance of getting to the root cause for true healing to occur.
From my experience in the spiritual ‘new age’ scene – it was mostly about a quick fix and never about how I lived. And if the exercises did go any deeper it was only to wallow and relive our hurts. Universal Medicine not only gives tool to allow us to understand and observe our hurts, patterns and behaviours but also looks at those things in relation to how we are living day-to-day. I love this realness and practicality that actually supports people to heal, this I never found in spiritual pursuits.
The is great proof that discipline sometimes does not work as we are only focusing on the behaviour or act and trying to control that instead of looking at why we do it in the first place.
Amazing how the nail biting just naturally faded away by focussing on how you were living your day to day. It just goes to show how much of an impact the quality of our everyday movements have on our wellbeing.
No symptom will ever be truly eradicated until we heal its root cause.
Gentleness, care, love and nurture are a mix that can melt so much.
The use of putting ‘some foul tasting liquid’ on your nails to stop you biting them and that it did not achieve your mother’s aim is a classic example of how we, and our parents, have not been brought-up to address the cause of a symptom. How different the outcome may have been if the issue as to why you were biting them in the first place had been addressed. This is no judgment of your mother, or any parents, as we were not presented with an alternative way approaching situations like that. However, through the Ageless wisdom and The Way of The Livingness as presented by Serge Benhayon we now do, which is not find solutions to a symptom but to resolve the cause of it.
There are many habits we form as human beings that serve to hide the tension we carry inside. Biting nails is but one of them. The truth is many of us carry a low grade anxiety deep within everywhere we go, and we hide it in so many ways, to the point where for many of us, we don’t even recognise that we have it.
I’ve never bitten my nails but could relate to the holding back how you felt. I used bulimia and not eating to punish myself from being affected by what was happening around me… just like someone believing they need to toughen up to survive and not show their real feelings and emotions. We all use things to ‘cope,’ or so we believe, but in truth we just keep harming and hurting ourselves even more. Beautiful to read how simply something that we have identified ourselves by can slip away by introducing self-love back into our living way.
When you think of it it does sound quite bizarre that you eat off a certain part of your body. Not very big parts but still… And great to hear that there is a way to stop.
I had a list of habits I had once wanted to drop, had tried at with no success. I now even struggle to remember what they were – they are no longer part of my life at all, and so remembering them is hard. It makes me ponder on some habits I have now that I’m “working” on. It seems the key is not looking at the habit, but why we have the habit. Go to the root cause as the habit is just a consequence of what lies underneath.
I always find it interesting that we struggle with such secret habits for such a long time. So much time and energy can be spent on trying to fix the symptoms. Then they can vanish without even trying when we begin to love ourselves. Self-love is such a corner stone of life yet is one many of us live (or have lived) without for such a long time.
It just goes to show how underlying energies can effect our behaviours and to address this we need to look at the cause and work on making loving choices to support the body to heal.
I love this blog Sue, as it says so much by underlining the importance of addressing the root cause rather than focusing on resolving the perceived problem.The root cause of many a problem more than often comes back to the responsibility we have to take care of and love our self.
I love your title, old habits don’t have to ‘die hard’ when we choose to be more self loving, they just gently fall away as they are no longer needed once we address the root issues that have caused us to take up detrimental habits in the first place.
Thank you for sharing, it is amazing the changes that unfold when we choose to accept and appreciate ourselves.
I still marvel at the old unhealthy habits I have been able to drop as a result of choosing to be more self loving. Reading your blog has made me realise it is something to really appreciate.
Hi Sue, I have had similar experiences where life time habits that I tried and couldn’t break simply stopped after I started living the simply ways presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. For me this also included stopping biting my nails and losing over 20kg without dieting to gain a healthy weight.
So many miracles can occur when we choose to make life about love – and in particular self-love. As your blog has so poignantly shown.
Isn’t it amazing what happens when we embrace self-love and self-care and learn to appreciate and accept our natural beauty and expression of the love that we are.
This understanding of how our behaviour is governed by underlying energies and whether we allow emotions to run in our bodies unchecked and the harm they can cause, is of great importance to the fundamental understanding about health and wellbeing.
A perfect example of treating the root cause and not the symptom. I have never chewed my nails but there are a thousand ways we can play out our lack of self worth. I suppose the beautiful thing is how obvious the act is when we are willing to look beyond just the action itself and consider why it is we might be doing these self harming behaviours. In this regard Universal Medicine presentations really opened my eyes and built my awareness of the why and showed me the tools to address them.
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”. A while ago on a Friday I was so angry and I went to after-work drinks and caught up with a few friends and people were asking me how I was and I told them – I am angry, it is seething through my body. I was not 100% what I was angry about but it was there. It was a deep seated anger that I think was coming up and out of my body. People found it really hard to respond too because I looked and sound normal Sarah but was expressing how angry I was.
If find that we don’t often allow ourselves to be angry – to express it and not be owned by it. I know there are many people who are angry but we (mostly) bury it and express it in around about ways – such as nail biting. I think we need to get a lot more real about what is going on and I have found that is best done with building a loving foundation for yourself and from there you can see what is playing out. Your blog is a great testament to that.
I wonder how much money in the world is spent on trying to stop biting nails, and here you have said, bringing love and care to yourself did the trick, without even trying. A lesson for all.
Thank you Sue for it is our own path back to self love and appreciation of these choices that our habits and old behaviours begin to melt away and our wellbeing can flourish and return to its true rhythm. Our bodies really are amazing.
I also have and still do bite my nails and fingers and also know that this is clearly a symptom of anxiety and attacking my own sensitivity. It’s very empowering to realise that the behaviours we may often feel are the problem are actually the result of choices to not live according to what is truly supportive of us. Our bodies can show us the way either when it feels right and through the signs they show us to guide us along the way or to pull us back on track.
Absolutely Michael.When we listen to our bodies and make different loving choices it is amazing how old habits can gently disappear without any trying.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” It is really mind blowing that developing more self love and self nurturing are such powerful tools for healing. How crazy it is that this is not a common lived knowing.
This is amazing Sue, your blog highlights for me that most if not all of our unloving habits and addictions can be healed from simply learning to love ourselves again. Self-acceptance, self-love, self-nurture and self-care I know are the main ingredients to bringing more love into our lives. It is so simple yet something that most of us have to re-learn because we have lived for so long without these key ingredients. The amazing thing is we can access these at anytime, anywhere and loving and appreciating who we are can be practiced and deepened 24/7.
Dear Sue,
I love how through self care, love and appreciation that you naturally began to live the same. What an invaluable wise understanding to present to the world.
Its almost magical how bad habits simply disappear just by taking responsibility for self and living in a self caring way
‘Old habits die gently’ … I love this title Sue Q. When we focus on self love and self care it is amazing how many habits can drop away silently. What we need is more love and less focus on curing the symptoms.
I agree – healing and curing are two different things. We can cure something but have we really healed the issue that caused it? Applying self-love can be a great healer.
It’s a true delight to hear your sharing Sue, when we take care to come back to ourselves ‘things’, habits, patterns fall way. No trying needed. It seems when we start to fill up from the inside with appreciating the loveliness we are the external actions of trying to fill the perceived gap is already taken care of with love and self caring.
Absolutely – loving from the inside out – then the outer takes care of itself. I’m still learning to stop trying. When we let go miracles can happen.
Through self love we heal the hurt behind our self loathing. We then come to feel the sheer magnificence of who we truly are and with this comes the awareness that this utter gorgeousness comes not from self but from the grander space where the true self, our Soul, resides. It is here the real riches lie and our true worth is deeply felt.
I was a chronic nail biter also Sue and if I am honest I must admit that I am still an occasional nail nibbler. I love your awareness that your nail biting was supressed anger towards yourself brought on by extensive self-loathing and how you were able to stop, not by going to the ‘problem’ and ‘fixing’ it, but by gradually developing a more loving way of being and through this love, the anger and loathing simply subsided. So simple!
‘I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause’. We can literally eat ourselves alive with the behaviours and patterns we create sometimes and nail biting is a perfect example of this.
This is brilliant Sue and shows that through making loving choices for you and the deep appreciation and acceptance of who you are in the world makes huge leaps and bounds to your daily living. Thank you.
Thank you Sue for sharing a great story, I love how change comes about through our loving ways, and not at all about trying, it truly is a miracle, the power of our loving essence.
The concept of liking oneself is actually crazily uncommon in our society, and we pay very very little attention to it, yet we pay attention to all the hate and despair happening everyday, we love to focus on the disasters and pull them apart. Can we not all agree something is amiss here?
I’ve read this post a few times now Sue and I still find it completely amazing. You paint your nails now? I mean that is a miracle in itself! And the turnaround came about after being presented with an opportunity to turn your self loathing and lack of self love right into self appreciation and self acceptance. Isn’t that the ultimate goal? If we considered how much time we wasted on not loving ourselves we’d all die from shock, because it is staggering!!
This is amazing Sue, ‘Fifty years of a habit evaporated over the next few months.’ Wow! You did this without focusing on trying to stop your habit but by focusing on choosing self-love and self-nurture. This shows that our behaviours and habits goes much deeper and there is more to it than what’s on the surface. Many habits are almost impossible to stop if the source of our issues is not addressed. By choosing to self-love and self-nurture is key to letting go of many harmful and ill behaviours and unloving choices. Your blog confirms what is possible when we embrace loving who we are and choosing to make more loving choices.
It’s amazing what you share here Sue, that through making loving choices for ourselves we are able to change life-long patterns.
Yes Chris, it is so amazing how our long-ingrained habits can just fall away when we make new loving choices for ourselves. Self-love and appreciation go a long way to combat anxiousness and self-critique.
Sue why is it that we reach a certain age, in your case 6, and then start to do things that are self abusive such as biting our nails? I remember then I felt uncomfortable in myself, anxious and tense and as a result I would start biting my nails, when I feel that today the same thing happens. Instead of simply feeling I would use nail biting as a distraction, sometimes not even being aware I was doing it. Yet I still get brought back to the fact that what makes a 6 year old need to bite our nails? What type of society or pressure are we placing on our children that they feel this is what they have to do. And whilst for some its nail biting for others its drugs, smoking or other forms of abuse. It shows we are certainly missing something.
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” How true is this? So many problems in the world today we try to ‘fix’ the end result without taking an honest and open look at the cause or causes. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present the truth that the way we live is the best medicine. When we understand the cause we are empowered to make choices to return to the love that we naturally are.
Habits are simply that a habit and they come in an infinite number of forms and configurations. They basically are the repeated pattern of any reaction or behaviour that keeps and guards you in a pattern of protection aimed at preventing you from feeling what you want to avoid feeling and bury or hide from.
Thats the problem with focussing on manners and politeness. It creates the illusion that something is OK, but does nothing to address the root cause of the problem. Biting nails is a sure sign of anxiety, and yet our attempts to educate our kids out of the habit have more to do with the former, and that stops us from reading deeper that it might actually be a sign that things are not as OK as they should be.
So much (most?) of society is based on illusion; politeness and manners. Yet that is all so superficial and feeling deeper, there is no real substance or truth. As you say Adam this does nothing to address the root cause – of any problem. Looking deeper, when any issue manifests, allows this, rather than trying to paper over the cracks. Back to treating the cause, not just symptoms.
“I had spent a lot of money on various spiritual modalities before Universal Medicine, but nothing had really changed, as I had only experienced temporary relief from some symptoms”….I wonder how many people could say/write these words. I know for sure I could and I only ever experienced temporary relief. Universal Medicine inspires you to make long lasting changes because at the root of it, it presents to live in a way that is truly self-caring and self-loving, to be honest and to keep deepening that honesty and to appreciate yourself and those around you. When you start doing these things, however small, miracles happen. Such as nail biting dropping away.
Yes it is amazing how ‘small miracles’ happen when we deepen our self care and self love. I thought I was stuck with short bitten nails for life – but no! Miracles happen! Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon for showing us there is another way to live.
I can honestly put my hand up for this one Sarah, I tried everything under the sun and found only short term relief at best, sometimes there was not even relief but I kept on with the modality anyway and convinced myself that what I was doing was the ‘way’.
‘self-blame mistaken for self-responsibility’ I’ve fallen for this one big time, such a way to keep from self-loving which is the only way for true healing.
Yes, blaming ourselves keeps us stuck in an old paradigm, whereas taking responsibility for self is the way to true healing, as you say Shelley.
Old habits do die gently Sue, and often very slowly popping up where you least expect them to. Allowing them to die gently and tenderly is the key, what you have expressed here is so true;
“I stopped pushing myself, which had a hardening effect on me and my body.”
Sue this is such a great line “I stopped pushing myself, which had a hardening effect on me and my body.” This is so true, yet I never looked at it exactly this way. I realise now if I push myself I am unable to be my usual gentle and loving self with others, it makes sense because once I’ve hardened my body I’m also hard with others. Such a simple thing to look at, which can bring about profound change if we let go of this way of being. It’s something we all do because pushing ourselves is actually celebrated, but how different our society would be without it.
Yes, pushing ourselves is so celebrated in society today. It was a huge part of my upbringing – ‘try harder’ – and I still have vestiges of that which I am rooting out, thus reducing the hardening in my body. Becoming more tender and gentle with ourselves has a profound effect, on others as well as ourselves.
This makes real sense Melinda, the harder we are with ourselves then the harder we are with others around us too.
Sue thank you for sharing your story, although it’s about biting your nails it’s actually about so much more. We live on the surface of life and this brings about many symptoms and ills, and when we come back to our inner heart and to our body life becomes about love again. With love, miracles can happen.
The things you do now Sue sound great. So many of us might like them too, but how many of us have actually introduced them into our life? In an age of ‘hi-technology’ isn’t it crazy that we all know intimately the simple loving way to be but actively seem to fight living this in life? You could say we have a taken a senseless approach to ‘common sense’. Your words remind me to understand that we all are recovering from being addicted to this way of being and just how powerful taking these simple step by step loving gestures can be.
Thank you Sue for sharing, it certainly is amazing to be able to stop, after 50 years of nail biting, self love and tender care are powerful to bring about true change in your life.
When you start to truly take care of yourself and love yourself like you’ve never done before, miracles start to happen.
Miracles do indeed happen, on many levels as when we are open to possibilities and to love, the universe responds accordingly.
Thank you Sue – I chewed on my nails from the age of around 2 or 3 years old up until I was in my mid teens. I remember feeling incredibly anxious all the time and for some reason the act of chewing my nails soothed me. I only managed to stop biting my nails when I did because I took up a few new habits including smoking and drinking alcohol..certainly not a great anxiety management strategy.
It has been really inspiring to read about the way you managed to drop this habit without even trying and without replacing it with a new harming behaviour or habit. When something is no longer needed in truth it can simply drop away with no need for a battle, a struggle or a fight.
Your nailbiting sounds like my addiction to cigarettes, the most effective way to stop an addiction is to get to the issues that are causing the behaviour
So true Joe, we need to get to the underlying cause, otherwise we replace one addiction with another.
I can really relate to this Sue, in the beginning for me the addiction was alcohol, then I still kept the cigarettes, then onto food. Each change was a just a move from one thing to the next without getting to the underlying root cause.
This kind of anxiousness that creates so much tension in a persons body where they feel uncontrollably compelled to tear away at pieces of their own skin is indicative of how we are raising our children to not value themselves from the inside out.
It is extraordinary the power that self-love can have to be able to reverse a life long habit without even trying. I found this happened to me with smoking where as I supported myself with healings that inspired me to nurture myself, the less I felt to smoke, until one day I just never smoked again.
“I realised that self-love was a new concept to me! I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” I had never thought of biting my nails as a form of anger towards myself Sue, but looking back to my childhood I can see this is what I did too. As a way of showing I was not happy I would sulk, I was moody but I never showed my anger…. but I did chew my nails a lot….. and I did this mostly when I was upset. Great to have this exposed.
You reminded me of how sulking used to be something I would do as a child – too fearful to express anger so I buried it and bit my nails instead. The sadness that was there wasn’t addressed back then, but thanks to Serge Benhayon and the amazing Universal Medicine practitioners it has now been dealt with – and I continue to feel more alive than I did for a long time as I was growing up.
I love the title of your blog Sue – it is such a real way to describe your experience. I’ve had similar experiences with supporting myself with much more love, care and tenderness that all “habits” that aren’t these qualities do fall away. It isn’t something I’ve said or declared to myself there is just a very easy opening up to what is available and choosing the ones that support so much more. There is just a natural passing of the things that don’t serve and support me or others.
Thank you Sue – a great reminder that the ‘answer’ to these situations and behaviours we look to change, lies not in forcing them to be different but by bringing gentleness and love to us every day. Then as you show us here, it’s like these seeming unmovable mountains simply fade away.
I am just really appreciating how powerful that is when we are able to understand and feel the root cause of our habit, so when we do stop we know exactly what we are freeing ourselves from beside letting go of the behaviour. Thank you, Sue.
Reading your blog reminds me of when I was in my mid 20’s and decided to give up smoking. It was only then that I discovered that I was actually ‘hooked’ and I found this to be quite a shock to my system. Up until then I had considered myself to be a strong willed person and never entertained the thought that it was possible for me to become addicted to smoking. I tried using ‘will power’ and when this failed I was rattled even more. Subconsciously, I clocked that something outside of myself was controlling me but I didn’t know how to deal with it. After getting all sorts of advice from various friends and acquaintances I went along to a GP who used hypnotherapy to help people quit smoking. During my consultation he started smoking which immediately put me off so I questioned him and he said “I’m not the one who wants to give up smoking up but if you do, I can help you”. He then explained to me that hypnosis only works if the patient really wants it to – it can’t be forced. So basically he was telling me that it was my choice. I am happy to say that it worked!
I was driving to see family the other day and caught myself biting my nails and this blog just happened to pop into my head… I was like oh so you’re a little anxious !! loved it … I wanted to dismiss the feeling I had and say everything was okay when clearly it wasn’t.
Thank you for sharing your story Sue. It really got me thinking and has inspired me to reflect on a much deeper level, my past and also my present habits.
Yes, looking deeper – to find the cause – not just treat symptoms. When I did that I found I just replaced one bad habit with another. Going to the root of the problem and addressing those issues is what can heal.
Acceptance, and appreciation, are essential qualities to develop in everyone of us, in our children, in our partners relationships, with each other… Absolutely essential and fundamental building blocks so that we as individuals can start to flourish, and so that humanity itself can move on.
Spot on Chris – a good diet of acceptance and appreciation will do absolute wonders!
I have been wondering for a while what this “acceptance” thing was all about. Because it doesn’t work from the head as in positive affirmations or those sort of tricks. What I learned so far is that it is in daily patterns that acceptance builds. For example in how I care for myself, brush my hair, my teeth regularly, put on moisturiser gently, take care of the garden, make my bed… This supports to appreciate me, not as a thought, but as an act that is there, waiting for me as a foundation of support for the next day and again for the next…
It is so loving and self regarding to allow our old habits to die gently and gracefully. It becomes problematic if they linger and persist in being buried. Thank you Sue for sharing your experience and wisdom.
Thanks Sue for sharing your experience – we have many ways of abusing our bodies when we don’t want to feel something and this is but one of them and as you’ve also shared once we connect to who we truly are these behaviours simply drop away. It’s quite something when we reflect and realise the behaviour is no longer there without us having had to resort to the use of willpower, which doesn’t work anyway.
Yes, realising that one’s old habits have vanished seem like modern day miracles – which they are of course!
I too find this interesting Deobrahmckay – the choice to either abuse or love ourselves.
I have not been a nail bitter at all but I have noticed in the past (and sometimes still do) that there is a posture of putting the thumb or finger up near my mouth when I am unsure about something before me. A bit like they do in the movies. Reflecting on this, there is a certain posture that the body adopts to go into this form of being and it is something I feel is very unsupportive and unloving
Noticing the various postures we adopt – to avoid or escape or to cover anxiety etc – they are all stemming from a similar source – the fact that we are not feeling the fullness and awesomeness of who we truly are deep inside. The more this connection with ourselves is lived – the fewer little habits we portray. Bring on the love….
“I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am”. I love the simplicity and the wisdom in what you have written here Sue. I have noticed that my nail biting habit re-emerges when I feel anxious or nervous; an excellent marker!
It’s great to have a marker of nervousness showing up – and being able to acknowledge it for what it is. Telling young children to ‘stop biting your nails’ or any behaviour, is not going to work. Understanding where that behaviour stems from and discussing with them enables them to resolve it – or not. There’s always a choice. In my case living a deeper version of myself – and connecting – (my choice) enabled the nail-biting to fall away.
It is extraordinary how accepting ourselves can heal so many aspects of life. I used to feel a lot of rage and anger and for years had been butchering my fingers by pulling the skin around the nails, with the resulting bleeding and swelling. It was mostly an unconscious thing when tension, unease or anxiety appeared. The ugly state of my hands compounded the problem as I was ashamed and punished myself by doing ever more damage.
Since knowing about Universal Medicine my fingers have recovered simply because I have let go of most of the frustrated anger that enveloped me for so long. This for me has been a true healing.
This is beautiful Patricia, as so many of us let go of old habits as we come to know and love ourselves more, embracing true healing from the inside out.
Nail biting is such a common problem but understanding it’s causes never seems to be discussed in the ways you have highlighted it in your blog Sue. Again, self love has been shown to be the foundation for healing so many problems, both big and small, in our lives. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Sue Q for sharing your story, it is amazing the power to heal when we bring in self love and care into our daily lives. A deep love and gratitude to Serge and Universal Medicine for opening up to us the truth of who we really are, and the power of this love that lives within.
Connecting to and living the truth of who we are erases all doubt, anxiousness and 2nd guessing. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have opened the way for us to know the truth about who we truly are – this has changed life for many people for they are now living in line with and re-connected to themselves. No need for biting of nails anymore. Thanks Sue Q.
“Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have opened the way for us to know the truth about who we truly are ” Spot on ch1956. Once we start to live more honestly – even truthfully – our old patterns and behaviours are no longer needed as protection, and can simply melt away. Going to the root is the way to go.
I’m finding this too Sue, the more we connect to what is true and then live from this place, the less these old patterns are needed for protection or identification.
What is extraordinary is that people can be so full of self-loathing and still walk around upright so to speak… One would think that the weight of that self-loathing would crush them, and yet people still get around in the world looking “ normal “so to speak. And yet just under that thin skin of normality, and they are to be felt if one chooses, is the intense burden that so many people are carrying.
Yes and having discovered Universal Medicine, via you Chris, I – and we all – now have the tools to develop self-love and remove the layers of disregard and self-loathing, so that old habits – such as my nail-biting – become a thing of the past. Deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon.
This is true cjames2012 and we seem to have all made a pact to not look any further than this thin layer that covers what lies beneath so as to not expose our own self loathing and fear of rejection. It has become much more normal than actually loving and appreciating yourself. There is a lot to gain in starting to address what we have buried inside.
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”. The way you describe this Sue shows there is another level beneath the varnish of what we see in life, that says so much about how we are feeling. Seen this way the habits we have are not an unfortunate vice but a key device in our healing.
My nail biting habit meant that I would often hide my hands by slipping them under my thighs when sitting down so no one would notice my devastated fingers and sometimes to stop me from putting my fingers into my mouth in front of people. I have now stopped biting my nails but sometimes the feeling of wanting to sit on my hands comes back and is a great indicator for me that I am wanting to protect and hide what I am feeling.
It is time for me to say, that by having read this blog a first, second, third and now forth time, I actually get a deeper understanding of what is being shared by you Sue, it is important. As this is not only the physical act (nail biting) but actually the self-abuse. I was confronted today with the consequence of my choice. I was nail biting at work, and the moment I snapped a small bit of my nail, a small part of my tooth broke, I said: that is it. I could feel that by choosing to bite my nails, I actually chose to disregard the most pure and strongest part of me : truth/love, which then resulted in breaking off a part of my truth – tooth. I felt this deeply and I sat down, I can not continue in this way, I can no longer abuse my beauty, as I am only losing in that way. It is time to only treasure my truth, treasure my body, treasure my teeth (which are pure diamonds). I have decided that this abusive way (my nail biting behavior) is over, not to do good, but to truly love myself to the fullest every minute of the day. I will absolutely make sure I will never ever nail bite (abuse) myself again
“It is time to only treasure my truth, treasure my body, treasure my teeth (which are pure diamonds). I have decided that this abusive way (my nail biting behavior) is over.” Treating ourselves as the beautiful delicate beings we are why would we ever abuse our own body? Just shine with all that you are Danna, truly accepting and appreciating you and the nail-biting will stop – without any trying.
I like that sue, indeed, it makes absolute sense what you say. When we realize and deeply feel and then accept how beautiful we are, there will actually be no need to bite ourselves (our nails). Thank you sueq2012.
This is a great comment to a great blog – the seemingly small ways in which we abuse ourselves appear insignificant but the truth is nothing is insignificant. Our being is to be honoured through the love and care we take of our body – my awareness is growing of all the tiny minuscule ways that this actually plays a part. Thank you Sue and Danna.
Yes shelleyjones44, there are many small ways that we use to abuse ourselves (even some times not aware), it is not that it is our nature that it has become almost automatic, but actually the lack of love we have for ourselves in life. Therefore growing our awareness and love for ourselves is important – so we can truly stop the abuse we are allowing in our body and life.
I started having a tiny bit of an issue with my nails again lately, or more with the skin around it, pulling it and constantly touching it. I realized that I do this when I am anxious but also when I am showing more of myself (which makes me feel anxious…). And then at some point it just stops again. This is not because I tell myself I have to stop, but because I just let it be, give myself understanding and not be hard on myself.
When we bring understanding, not frustration to these old familiar habits, it is like we see through them. Just in tenderly loving ourselves we already have the ‘answer’ and it seems, like the nails, our body naturally recovers itself. Amazing when we provide the quality of harmony to our insides, what changes can come on the outer.
” Amazing when we provide the quality of harmony to our insides, what changes can come on the outer.” I agree Joseph – habits can just melt away without any trying – seems miraculous…..
Yes indeed, Joseph. Understanding quells frustration and, as we all know only too well, frustration only adds fuel to the flames which burns us up. Whereas understanding opens our hearts and minds.
Habits like these are something that we often just see as something that is just on the surface, but they all have a deeper meaning that often only truly changes when we look at this meaning and choose differently from then on.
“Habits like these are something that we often just see as something that is just on the surface, but they all have a deeper meaning that often only truly changes when we look at this meaning and choose differently from then on.” Very true Benkt. Everything means something. We just need to feel and look deeper into what a symptom might mean.
Well said Benkt, just like our body speaks loud to us about our choices, our habits shows us our patterns and underlying hurts. To look further than solutions will lead us to answers that offer true healing.
Universal Medicine supports conventional medicine, in that it brings in the understanding of why things occur, and helps treat it accordingly.
It’s amazing what can happen when we allow ourselves to gently heal, as opposed to trying to force ourselves to resolve a symptom. Symptom relief is important in many cases, but often the true cause is not found, or sought to be elucidated. We have much to learn in medicine about the true cause of many of the conditions that present, and only then will we start to see true healing once and for all, for all humanity. It’s really quite simple, we just need to be open to it.
It sure is amazing Amelia and the same applies to absolutely everything we say and do in our lives which are not done with love – we simply need to make the choice to allow ourselves to gently heal and/or resolve the problem.
What you share is so true Sue Q, for true healing to occur we must always treat the cause, not only the symptoms.
We have been caught up in treating the symptom and then wondering why it keeps coming back rather than treating the cause. So it’s absolutely true we need to treat the cause for true healing to occur.
Yes this is true. Often when I hear of charities concentrating on finding cures rather than looking at the cause and therefore focusing on prevention…. I can feel the difference.
Responsibility.
“…I began to attack my own sensitivity and awareness and bite my nails. Any sign of them going near my mouth now allows me an opportunity to look at any areas of delay or holding back before the build-up in my body.” Our body gives us so many signs that things aren’t right. A matter of observing, listening and then making different choices, as you have shown Michael.
Our bodies speak to us loud and clear, so sometimes we just need support to see the messages we have been overriding for years that have become ‘normal’.
Yes absolutely Amelia. What I have noticed too is that my awareness for all of these little habits we have through life is a lot more heightened and offers me the opportunity to look at the habit and to uncover the reasoning for why I do it. It’s a great learning opportunity.
I can appreciate this Amelia, as what we override often becomes normal, ingrained and hard to see through. We do require support here to let go of what we have taken on that is not of us.
I can relate too Amelia and Marcia, it sometimes takes a bright light to make us realise we have gotten used to the shadows. What has become normal will often not draw our attention but by having a reflection of how it can be differently we are offered an opportunity to change.
I have shared the same experience as many others in that biting my nails was a sign of things for me that I was not dealing with something in my life and letting it build up. This effectively meant that I could feel a build of tension in my body, holding back what was there to be looked at until I began to attack my own sensitivity and awareness and bite my nails. Any sign of them going near my mouth now allows me an opportunity to look at any areas of delay or holding back before the build-up in my body.
I keep coming back to this article, what I can feel everytime I read it is that I am still giving myself a hard time about still at times biting my nails. I stopped, and actually felt that this contiues beating up, is actually the same reason of why I bite my nails in the first time. Boem, I never thought that was it, that was the answer to my so long looking outside of me answer. My body always knew. I will now everytime I feel the need or tension to bite nails, feel into why I am beating myself up, and decide to no longer let that negative energy rule me. It is time to bring love and precious care for myself (my nails). I hereby end the abuse.
Thankyou for sharing Danna. As you write, ‘ my body always knew.’ Shame we are not taught this at an early age. I so agree with you in ‘time to bring love and precious care for myself.’ We can always go deeper with nurturing ourselves, as I am currently learning – as my body speaks to me.
Exactly what I noticed too Danna. My self recrimination of certain habits were sustaining the habits. But like you Danna letting go of that self loathing was only possible when I was able to really open up exploring and accepting the love that I am. Although I still fall down with this at times, it is a great focus for daily life and never gets boring or lacking in meaning and purpose. So even at those times, I do not go back into the same self critique and it is more like a gentle oops, which is already a huge step back to love.
Great sharings, I think the key is what Sue shared in her blog. She was not fighting the habit or trying to better herself, she was focussing on building love and care for herself n her daily life and the nail biting simply went. It is what we give our attention to that will grow stronger.
Yes, what we focus on gets stronger. I learned that from years of ‘trying’ to stop nail-biting – and other unwanted habits – and got nowhere. Appreciating our strengths and building on our love and self-nurturing makes so much more sense.
Sue, I have never been a nail biter but can well imagine how hard it has been to stop this habit as have observed my sister with a similar habit. Our nail care is such a beautiful part of self care and self love -it must feel amazing for you to be able to treat your nails in loving way now.
Very inspiring what you share with us Sue. It is not only about biting nails, this habit is just an example – I ask myself, how many behaviors do I have, where I disregard my body and life ? To become more honest and truthful every day, that is something I want to live for. It is time to take responsibility for all my choices.
Yes alexander1207 I did the same – asking myself how many behaviors I have. I loved it because it revealed some. What made me feel a bit sad is – how easily I was disregarding my body . . . and therefore – yes it is really time to take responsibility for all my choices.
It seems that all our unwanted behaviours come from disregarding our body. When we don’t take responsibility for this the result can be sickness and disease, something the medical world doesn’t yet understand – as I am discovering. They seem to equate self-blame as being the same thing as self-responsibility. No wonder then that making different life-style choices are not mentioned as part of a prescription plan for healing – to the detriment of the nation’s health.
Yes sueq2012 I agree – I too found out that my life-style choices, thus my behaviors, have an effect of my health. It would be wunderbar if making different life-style choices could be “part of a prescription plan for healing”.
I can relate to that Esteraltmiks, yesterday I ate in comfort and not in nourishment of my body and it made me feel a bit sad as well. The more you connect to your body and bring self-love to yourself, the more it feels like being horrible to your best friend when you overeat/eat the wrong things. And it is – as you say – choices, choices, choices. And I can choose responsibility for my choices.
And what is behind the choice to disregard my body? It’s the addiction to individualism. The moment I take care of my body, it naturally moves me towards connection, communication and community.
Well said alexander1207. Habits are the epitome of comfort and do indeed hide our poor choices…. Poor choices that only provide a relief that is temporary as they don’t address the root cause of anything – for our habits work just like the bandaid for a tumour principle does.
Sue you bring up something huge here when you say in general the world mistake self-responsibility for self blame. I have done the same for a while and find it in many occasions around me. It is actually a very clever plot to escape true responsibility, which is lovingly exposing that which is not loving.
Yes , a very clever ploy – to equate self-blame with self-responsibility – but as you elucidate Carolien, the key is to be loving in the exposing , not judging. This makes all the difference.
Yes Sue and I find that learning to make mistakes and be a student of life and of myself is offering inspiration to the many who, like me once, are stuck in self-criticism and self blame. We are role models in every choice we make whether we are aware of it or not.
That is a great point, Sue and Carolien – self-blame mistaken for self-responsibility. Thank you for bringing it up. Me too, I totally fell for that.
A huge awareness here Carolien … I too have in the past confused self responsibility with beating myself up, and have also felt for myself how this pattern of behaviour has actually allowed me to avoid taking responsibility! In saying that, and as much as I have avoided this in the past, I am now learning the difference and learning that self judgement has no place in taking true responsibility for all of our choices and level of self care.
And if we keep beating ourselves up -we are digging ourselves deeper into a hole – and that is not taking responsibility either! Confirming who we truly are and appreciating that – is a way out of the pit. We can then look at our choices from a different place. We can’t solve a problem if we jump into the hole (pond) – we need to stand on the bank and throw a life-line – and that includes to ourselves. As you say “self judgement has no place in taking true responsibility.”
I love that Angela “self judgement has no place in taking true responsibility’. This is true as we are love and true responsibility is being all that we are in full for the world to see. The self criticism is not part of this love and neither will it support us in expressing the love we are. In fact it surprises by the mere fact that in criticism we hold ourselves less then the divine beings we are.
Thank you for this commentary. It is deepening my awareness that these methods we use (blame, hard times etc..) are just excuses for not taking on true responsibility.
Sue, I too was a massive nail bitter in the past but I had never considered that it was a reflection of how I was living. But now when look back to when my nail bitting habit was slowly drifting away I realise it was a time in my life where I was starting to take deeper care for myself.
It is inspiring reading this blog Sue as it shows how simple changes make a big difference in our well being. What I have found through self care is that there are habits and ailments I had that I wasn’t aware of and through taking more time and care with myself they drop away, though this was not what the focus was on.
“nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly. How unloving was that?! My self esteem had been very low for a long time.” This shows how nail-biting is a self-harming activity and that when we begin to really care for ourselves and heal our hurts we heal ourselves and our self-sabotageing behaviours. We begin to feel our own worth and even love and appreciate ourselves. A work in progress for me also.
A true sharing Sue, I have not bitten my nails, but other habits have surfaced at times, not feeling comfortable in situations so avoiding people, something I have found is disappearing as I have grown more self loving and appreciative of what I have to offer. I do have family members who bite their fingernails and it appears to me that it is to do with self esteem issues too. So the answer seems to be self Love for most habits to dissipate. Love is the answer to most of our issues and illnesses it seems!
Sue, it’s amazing how such simple changes in your daily activities have had such a profound effect. And great how you aren’t just stopping because the nail biting has gone but keeping developing seeing what is next to deepen the love and acceptance.
Sue I have know you for 9yrs now and have witnessed the remarkable change that self love and responsibility has bought to you and your life. Today I see a woman that no longer looks burdened or hurt by life but instead a face that glows with joy and contentment, a confidence that feels steady and graceful. It is not simply your nails that are a miracle but it is YOU!
Thankyou for your beautiful comment Lucinda. We are all walking miracles, as so many of us have changed and are evolving as we study with Universal Medicine and deepen our connection – with ourselves and with the world.
Thanks Sue for your great sharing – I find it very amazing, how long we sometimes do automatic movements without even questioning it. Some habits are so engrained, it takes a while to nominate and to bring them to the surface. The more we feel our body, the less can hide. And once we feel it, we can let go and make a new choice.
‘Self loathing’ is a major issue in society. So often we are self critical and self sabotaging, I know I have been and I have observed this behaviour in many people, and women in particular. How awesome it is to find tools to work on this behaviour and build self worth, and so the habits that once were a result of this issue melt away, such as nail biting.
The self loathing is indeed something that people tend to do a lot when criticising themselves on the way they behave or have behaved. But what made us come to this behaviour, as God our father, who beholds us all in his sphere, dos not judge or punish, he only loves us. Returning to self-love will be the first step back to who we truly are, the Sons of God, filled with self worth and without any behaviour like self-loathing.
Thank you Sue for sharing your experience of the power of self love and self care into your life to change a life long behaviour. I am amazed that nail biting was a sign of anger against ourselves
Beautiful Sue, that you have chosen to self care and self love and these old habits just don’t work anymore.
I can relate Sue as I did pick my fingers in the past when ever I was nervous, before exams or super emotional. And it does make sense that increasing the love to yourself would help to stop that, as it helps with nervous tension and anxiety as well.
Dear Sue, beautifully shared your development to become free from a self-harming and restrictive habit. It is comparable to other habits – and even the socially accepted or rewarded ones, like working without caring for oneself, that are healable through introducing self-love into life, as Serge Benhayon presents, teaches and is a living example for. So life can be a self-responsible and self-empowered turn around and become so much more worth living and sharing with others.
I would agree “It seemed like a miracle to me. Fifty years of a habit evaporated over the next few months. Wow!” It takes deep and real change in a person’s life to let go of old habits that are not supportive or /and indicative of deeper issues. I have examples where I have seen changes in my life due to learning to self care and self love and yes I feel you can call them miracles because there was no struggle or force they occurred through a commitment to caring for myself. One example is the way I sit down, I used to throw myself on the sofa with absolute disregard, literally like a ‘sack of spuds’ I have become aware recently how much more graceful and gentle I am with myself as I do this, a miracle has occurred. It is awesome to appreciate these experiences. Thank you.
I love coming back to this blog Sue and how real it is. And such a great example of treating the symptom and not the cause. There are a thousand habits like biting nails all based on feeling disharmony in one’s being. The part of us that tries to ‘fix it’, is the part that does not want to admit it is responsible for choosing disharmony, when harmony is another choice naturally there to make. This seemed fanciful before I began exploring the wisdom in Universal Medicine presentations but now I know for myself it is true – it is a simple choice and what is more, when we allow our bodies the choice, they will choose harmony. So perhaps all the effort that goes into seeking a solution (trying to treat the symptom), confounds us from letting go back to harmony. Could it be that simple?
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”. Sue I know now that my lack of self love and extremely poor self esteem are at the root cause of my deformed fingers. I started at a young age to pull the skin around my nails and the habit grew worse when I came to Australia and married. I always had a supply of tissues with me as at any moment I could pull so hard as to bleed. It was ugly and painful, and as I write this I have come to realise it was a form of self harm. I read blogs about cutting oneself and did not make the connection until now that I was butchering myself. My rage has considerably subsided since being introduced to Universal Medicine and I am most grateful for a blog like this one which forces me to face the ugly truth and connect more deeply with myself.
Wow it is crazy how easily we can do things to ourselves to avoid expressing our anger outwardly instead turn it inwardly. Anger is very destructive to the body and must be looked at why it comes about. Most of the time it is due to lack of self love and self loathing. I know my anger was for that reason, there was no self love at all, I was seeking for love outside of me and when I never received it the anger would go deeper, which then caused self loathing. Only once I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I was able to look at the deep buried anger and understand how it was manifested, as I started to self love and take care of myself, the anger and hardness in my body started to fade.
Thank you Sue Q, for expressing that any ‘bad’ or degrading habits may die gently when we begin to self-love. What a confirmation! 🙂
A beautiful illustration of behaviours as a manifestation of anxiety first. Treating the symptoms will never bring about true change, only addressing the cause of the problem, as described here will truly enable someone to renounce a behaviour.
A great article Sue that shows that when we just try to impose change on our ingrained habits it doesn’t last but when we change the way we live and bring self-love into our every day then self-punishing habits fall away. Serge Benhayon presents a way to live that heals our hurts.
So true Mary. When we use ‘will power’ to change things the desired change doesn’t last for long, hence the reason why so many imposed diets fail. In contrast, if you make different choices about life-style from a place of self-love, unwanted habits gently dissolve away – without any ‘trying’.
Thanks for writing this Sue it is another one of those blogs that I’d love the whole world to read, or those with a stubborn old habit anyway. A bit of the old self love and nurturing is a good cure for many old habits and ailments.
Your contribution is a great demonstration of the fact that we don’t truly get anywhere if we don’t treat the root cause of our habits and unwanted behaviours and that focusing on the symptoms falls way short of the desired outcome. And it also shows that our habits are not stronger than we are when we team up with gentleness, self-love and self-care.
Its almost like magic, when you adopt a self nurturing and self caring lifestyle, bad habits just seem to drop off.
Yes, it does seem like magic, that by paying attention, loving and tenderly nurturing ourselves that age-old habits can vanish – a miracle…Focussing on appreciating who we truly are, our glory, rather than concentrating on the ‘what is not’ true about us.
This is a miracle Sue and shows the power in choosing to develop a loving regard for yourself. I had a similar experience, at the time I was working in an office where it was normal for me to unpick staples from documents with my fingers before I photocopied them. I came to work on a Monday after a Sacred Esoteric Healing course and naturally found myself using the stapler remover. I realised I had never done this before and I was naturally doing this to not be so disregarding of myself. It was so beautiful to feel the naturalness of this decision coming from my body, just as you have experienced on a profound scale – a 50 year habit literally dissolving through your choices alone is a miracle.
It’s amazing Sue, what can happen, when we are offered the opportunity to deeply connect with ourselves, and actually really get to know ourselves. I have had such support in getting to know myself the past few years through Universal Medicine and Esoteric practitioners too. What is on offer here is a depth of understanding that so many are asking for, as the world becomes increasingly messy for humanity to live in.
Beautiful Sue, that by changing the focus to you, nurturing and caring for yourself allowed a long term habit to drop away. The more love you allow into your life, anything that is less gets squeezed out.
it was fun rereading your blog ! Amazing what change it brought to not work only on the symptoms and instead go to the true root cause of the nervous tension and anger you are describing. It sounds magical but is so simple indeed and real.
One of the many miraculous things that happen when we start to practice being more loving is that many old habits simply disappear without the fight sayings such as ‘Old habits die hard’ suggest. Sure they put up a huge fight when we make the habit the focus, but I’ve found that when I simply focus on looking after myself and gently building a deeper, more loving relationship with myself, I will suddenly realise one day that I no longer do such and such. Pretty powerful.
This is a lovely reminder and confirmation to read Lucy Duffy – changing the focus away from the ‘habit’ itself to support some true change is such a different way from the old belief that ‘rattles off our tongue’ so easily – ‘Old habits die hard’. Ah too, great to know that there is another, far easier and more self honouring way – “to simply focus on looking after myself and gently building a deeper, more loving relationship with myself, I will suddenly realize one day that I no longer do such and such. Pretty powerful”.
To treat the symptoms is something that I had learned and practiced not only in University, but also in various new age therapies, I got trained in. The new age therapies claim to work on the root causes, but when I met Serge Benhayon I learned, that there are deeper layers to go to. And humble as you get being with Serge I know now that the deepening will be an eternal process.
Treating the symptom not the cause; how easy it is for people to not pay due attention to the underlying cause; with me being one of them. However I have discovered that treating the cause brings a greater level of understanding and healing; a greater level of self-love that is deeply felt in the body.
Thank you Sue for sharing your experiences and your wisdom.
The first time I was presented with the subject of self-care it was a foreign phase I had no concept of. It was some kind of thing women did, I thought. I can compare it to growing up; I had done a lot of dumb things growing up that could have killed me but normally just got stiches, but never broke anything till I was in my late 20s. It was a strange experience my first broken ankle, it was a feeling I had never experienced, all I knew was, if I did not move it did not hurt. Over the years the number of dumb things I did decreased but then I started to drive a large motorcycle. There are only two types of people that ride bikes: those that will… and those that have… crashed, there is a third group, but they are no longer here. I took me a long time to join the second group but it was amazing… that I didn’t die. I have mellowed with age and have found what self-care is truly about. The return to the real me has been a home coming that was well past its date.
I agree sjmatsonuk – I remember being so shocked when a Universal Medicine practitioner suggested I take greater care of myself, because I assumed that being a woman, I had an innate understanding of self care, yes I could list many things I could do to care for myself but the really revealing part was that the intention; the quality I came to this list with was not honouring or truly nurturing of myself – just a ticking box exercise. Back to basics, I literally re-learnt to love myself.
It is so great that we can recognise when we try to fix the symptom, instead of the cause, we inevitably don’t fix anything. It always takes that deeper level of understanding to really see what is going on, and then make the changes. Thank you Sue for sharing.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.”
What a gift you share Sue – this is the start of us returning to ourselves, healing along the way any blockages which prevent us from continuing the self love.
Conscious presence is powerful as it offers us the awareness to see our habits and to be able to feel into what is habit and what is a sign that we might be stressed or anxious, angry whatever. This gives us the opening to deal with the core issue.
I read some of the comments and wondered that quite a few bite nails. I do not bite nails but I realized that I nibble my cuticles when I get nervous. This at times can also be very painful. So thank you all for your sharings it helped me to reveal this mannerism, so that I am able now to observe it.
Yes our habits can be revealing if we can identify them! Nail biting is obvious but some are more subtle … they are our blind spots so we cannot see what we are doing over and over again. Its so simple to change our patterns with Lovingly Connecting to our inner heart, with this connection we can shed light on our blind spots and miracles take place.
When we only treat symptoms it will never last. And it is great to read how you started to make self loving choices, to appreciate yourself and live the gorgeous woman you are and this is only the beginning Sue.
Your account is a great demonstration of the fact that unless we get to the root cause of a condition, no true and lasting change for better is possible.
This demonstrates the power of love. That you managed to stop a fifty year habit of biting your nails simply by connecting to your essence and making choices that were loving and honouring of your body, is indeed a miracle.
How amazing is the power of love…when we stop to love ourselves, our bodies respond so quickly…and it is such a yummy feeling – why would we ever let it go?!
Great question Paula? Babies aren’t born with self-worth issues! Crazy that so many of us develop them along the way and then have to shed them. Such a waste of energy! Yet if I’d stayed strong yet gentle and with myself I’d be feeling yummy all my life! No self-judgement – just an observation…….Indeed, ‘why would we ever let it go?’
Very inspiring. Thank you Sue.
Sue, I read your blog a while back and could relate to it 100% as I am a nail biter. I have avoided re reading it as I knew that it would bring up the shame that I hold for still biting my nails. Although it has become somewhat less, it is in times when I feel anxious and I don’t want to feel the awfulness of what is going on for me, I revert to nail biting to give me temporary relief. I am super aware of it, but it hasn’t completely shifted as yet. Re reading you blog has been a reminder for me to be gentle with myself in the process and not to beat myself up every time I bite my nails, but appreciate how far I have come and just keep letting it unfold.
Donna I love your honesty and I too sometimes revert back to biting my nails but I am more aware of it now and also appreciate how far I have come in the process. Thank you for sharing.
This is a wonderful sharing Donna. I have a couple of friends who on the surface both appear really steady and calm but are pretty full on nail bitters. Their habit has always felt contradictory to me as I consider nail biting an anxiety and nervous driven habit. But on another level, maybe what this really shows is that still waters run deep and what you see on the surface is not always what is truly happening on the inside of a person. After all, it is without doubt true that we are all so much more than merely what we see on the outside.
Ps Your comment is a great reminder of the fact that being gentle with ourselves and not beating ourselves up for ANY of our habits or patterns can make the world of difference to supporting us to eventually let go of any of these habits, not only for nail biting.
Yes, to be honest, I never bit or ripped my nails much. However interestingly, I remember seeing other people do so and turn my nose up and simply say ‘stop doing that’, however without the understanding of why they are doing it. This is where Universal Medicine supports conventional medicine, in that it brings in the understanding of why things occur, and helps treat it accordingly. If we choose, Universal Medicine can help support true sustainable recovery, and health!
I agree Arianne, this is what I have found to be true for me also that “Universal Medicine supports conventional medicine, in that it brings in the understanding of why things occur, and helps treat it accordingly.” – I have found personally having the root cause behind some issue of my own being revealed to me has been the key to my healing that part in the body that had previously resisted healing with just traditional medicine on its own. I have found from my own experience that it would seem and is obviously apparent to me that Universal Medicine and Traditional Medicine is indeed a match made in Heaven.
Is it eating oneself instead of ‘eating’ others? Or is it more, do not look at me since there is nothing to look at and if you are not totally convinced, just look at me biting my nails ‘to death’ and check my fingers? Is it angry or is it more do not look here since there is nothing you can expect from this end? I did it too when I was young. I would answer it was more the second than the first, although I am not saying not to it.
Thanks emfeldman for this, probably this too. You read me well. Your comments struck a chord for me, much appreciated.
I have really tough old nails that don’t taste good at all so I have never indulged in nail biting but I sure have gone through some bouts of lack of self esteem. I have been working with Serge Benhayon for five years and have made some serious changes to my life “over the past few years as I return to the true me – a work still in progress”.
The other point I felt to raise was the fact that I have been intensely nailbiting my life too. This has become less and less, for the same reason as you are describing Sue. What I felt when reading your blog is, that I can also bite my nails from judging myself for not being perfect enough. I can even remember looking at my nails, seeing the imperfections and wanting to bite them off. Very harsh towards myself as I describe it. I will pay more intention to it, and once I feel I do this again – stop, have a moment to feel what is going on and just appreciate myself for everything I am – not everything I am just not. This I will practise.
Yes, appreciation and loving your (our) self is the way through. No-one could have been more amazed than me when I realised my nail-biting was dropping away after so many years. We can be so harsh on ourselves……
Agree Sueq2012, we can be so harsh on ourselves, which to me always increases the need to bite nails. I can feel how I have been biting my nails again, when I am feeling unsettled and quite uneasy with myself. I deeply feel how this ‘lack of self-value (worth)’ thing has been creeping in again, time to call it out. As I much more worth than biting my beautiful nails off.
What a story, that is so beautiful. I shows the true strength of the work that Serge Benhayon brings. He is such an inspiration to live a life that is loving, equally supporting to self and others, and so in brotherhood with joy. How gorgeous. I can imagine you stop nailbiting from this ! No nailbiting is needed – you are enough.
As I consider the way I live my life, I can see that there are a million little habits that I have each day. And I am wondering how many of these are an actual choice and how many do I do without even being present in the moment I am doing them?
Agree Shami Duffy. Sometimes we are so checked out that we don’t even know what we are doing – pretty scary really. Who is taking over I would ask then..?
DannaElmalah, you could also say that checking out is a habit. I know it’s one of mine.
I agree Shami, it is interesting to think about all those little habits and quirks I have and what is behind them and if they are supporting me or not.
So true Shami – there are so many habits we default to and are caught in the momentum of. Although I am aware and are observing some of these habits it’s weird to observe me attempting to stop but the momentum keeps me still defaulting to them. It’s like I am saying, I know what I’m doing but I’m not sure how to de-program or how else to be. And part of me is saying also, I don’t want to stop and feel the whammy responsibility of the choices I keep making and the huge impact it has had and is having on my physical and emotional wellbeing.
There are a lot of habits we have. Some will go away the moment we do them consciously, some will go away when we have dealt with the underlying issues. Some can stay for a long time.
I love what you have written here Christoph, you have expressed exactly how it is. Sugar is my long term stayer and as I am becoming more responsible I can see sugar is my go to for an out – not wanting to deal with the underlying issue. However by eating sugar it is harming my body and allowing emotions and exhaustion to take full control. I don’t want to be in control so I allow anything and anyone to control me.
Powerful words Lindell – “I don’t want to be in control so I allow anything and anyone to control me”. And you can insert any item into this – sugar, nails, frustration, anger, smoking etc….. When we don’t get to feel what is truly going on we can allow anything else to control us – we fall for the illusion that it is easier to blame / hand over than look at it ourselves.
So true Shami. Picking at my nails is one of those checked out habit’s I have. I become absorbed in something and then suddenly I realise I am picking at my nails. Now that I am aware of it and have acknowledged the under lying anxiety present and naming that to myself, I am noticing a reduction in the habit. I am supporting myself by including things in my diet that strengthen my nails and this is also supporting me. Getting honest about the habit seems to be so important and not going into denial or delay. The more I bring in self loving and re-affirming self care, the less I attack myself with unwanted behaviours.
I too have found the more I am my true self I therefore have less anxiousness, nervous tension and the less I bite my nails. Biting my nails was an indicator for me I wasn’t coping with life and I needed to stop and feel what was actually happening.
As I read our comment Shami, I am wondering this myself.
It is great becoming aware of them so we can start making loving choices that define who we really are.
Yes Shami it allows for such a expansion in our awareness of other quirks or habits we hold onto in our lives and to feel what the underlying reasoning is behind them. Great question to pose thank you.
I agree Shami, I seems to me that we all have an arsenal of little habits that can easily be likened to unhealthy hooks that lure and sweep you away into one the many unsupportive patterns you have the moment you aren’t present and solid within yourself – before you even seem to know it.
I love the fact that a fifty year old bad habit was stopped without even looking at the habit and trying to stop it. This would be the same with other things like weight gain, lack of self worth, stress and anxiety. By bringing self love to fill the void that can lead to many of these things we by default deal with the issues! So simple.
It is so easy to look at the superficial symptoms, i.e. nail-biting and consider that to be the problem. Your post however reveals that there is something going on underneath the symptoms (nail biting) and it is as you said, self-loathing and lack of self worth. What I am finding is that the more I deal with the underlying issues the more the symptoms go away.
It’s the self love that has worked for me but ocasionally I get the feeling that I have gone overboard and crash. I know it’s a trait from my family, we were actually reprimanded if we loved ourselves too much and I feel guilty right now that I am skiting but old habits die hard, it’s still a work in progress.
Thank you, Sue. It is very inspiring to read how you have allowed self-love to find its place in you and to claim its residency, so stopping biting nails is just a result of you changing your foundation. Beautiful.
A very inspiring story indeed!
Thank you Sue, for sharing the real cause that manifested your bad habit. I had written the following for a blog of my own last week and now understand; The other day there was this woman sitting across from me on the train going to work. She was impeccably dressed, hair and makeup was perfect. She was generally just stunning. She then proceeded to finish off the picture by trying to find some minuscule bit of a fingernail she had not chewed to the quick…she did have a clean tissue to wipe her gnawed wet fingers. It makes you wonder what unresolved issue she has not dealt with.
Our habits, patterns and all behaviours bring an opportunity to deeply look into who we are and what is happening moment to moment. The simplest of things like biting your nails has made you aware of so many things and supported you to re-connect more deeply to ‘You’. Everything loves us and carries truth, if we are open to it. Honesty is powerful and can change the world but firstly we have to live that honesty ourselves. Thank you for highlighting the importance of observing ourselves and taking responsibility to heal what is found.
Yes – dealing with just one aspect of our lives exposes so much about how we are living in the rest of it, thus a great opportunity for healing more than just one symptom can occur.
Great blog Sue by taking responsibility and being honest with ourselves is the only way forward. Love leads us to the root cause, it is great medicine.
Your fingernails were my alcohol Sue. I started drinking at a very young age,it started at family weddings when I discovered that it made me check out and not feel what was going on around me. I actually left school to get a job so I could afford to drink when I liked. Through Serge Benhayon and learning about self love and self care and what alcohol really does to you I am free of this habit. For this I am eternally grateful.
Nail-biting was a habit for me as a child which then turned into other nervous habits. It was definitely an expression of my anxiousness in the world and lack of expression and love of my true self. I still catch myself doing these things at times when I have left myself. But when I come back to the solidness of my body and understand that this is part of the games of my spirit, it dissolves.
Coming back to my body – an on-going process – is the way to stop my spirit from playing mind games with me. The nervous habits that show up from time to time are great reminders to return to who we truly are and to come back to the body – the ‘marker of all truth’ as Serge Benhayon has presented.
This has been a ‘die hard habit’ for myself. However as described in this blog where the nail biting naturally dissipated, I can say is happening for me as well. The reason why I was biting my nails was because I was always on the go.. go.. go. I now take time to stop and count my pennies. And boy does this make a difference. Simply stopping every once and while makes a huge difference to my nervous tension.
What I am noticing/experiencing is that old habits can come back after a long time. Very subtle, but still a habit. It just shows me that life is giving me a new invitation to look at something, a deeper level so to speak.
Its great sharing Sue encapsulated in a nut shell that in discovering Universal Medicine I began to address more than the symptoms and began healing the cause of the disharmony in many aspects of my life. The phenomenon of very poor self esteem and eating oneself through nail biting instead of expressing anger outwards, is a powerful image. Whether it be nail biting, drinking or taking drugs, pushing ourselves hard in work or exercise or many other self abusive lifestyle choices, the poor self esteem or self worth won’t be addressed just through behaviour modification and this is such an important understanding on the path to true self healing.
Yes, whether it be nail-biting or drugs, drink etc they are all different aspects and symptoms of being less than we truly are, which is deep down the fact we are all deeply sensitive and caring and loving human beings. Uncovering the reasons why, the causation of these behaviours, with the amazing modalities of Universal Medicine has enabled me to turn my life around. I spent years – and a lot of cash – attempting to deal with my issues using other and various spiritual modalities, but most just buried my issues deeper, though I felt ‘better’ but only for a short while.
50 yrs of nail biting to now having beautiful nails- a miracle indeed .
Thanks to a Serge Bebhayon and Universal Medicine many other students have turned their lives around since making more loving choices.
Every time you look at you hands you get a reminder of your commitment to love – how awesome!
I will never tire of reading how such established dysfunctional patterns can be shed, overthrown, let go of, by simply connecting to our inner selves, by going to the source, feeling the love and reconnecting… mountains become molehills and the world becomes very different.
‘This happened without any trying to stop! It seemed like a miracle to me’. Well-said Sue. There have been many people who once they start to attend presentations by Serge Benhayon and to make more loving choices in their lives, can say that they experience a miracle. For Universal Medicine students ‘miracles’ are the new norm!
Yes miracles are no longer spectacular events – that I used to think happened to ‘special ‘people’. Well, we are all special and miracles now occur as part of everyday living. How cool is that?!
Yes it is very cool Sue, miracles are part of our everyday experiences, my own life is a miracle when I think where I was a couple years ago. Now that’s worth appreciating!
It’s incredible to see our internal struggles materialise into the physical and we don’t usually understand why? What a gift we have been given to know to look deeper and uncover the root cause behind the outward manifestation.
Yes, I never realised the true reasoning behind my nail biting, hence why just trying to treat the symptom failed. Similarly I have noticed that people who try to quit smoking often gain weight because they eat more – because they too haven’t addressed the deeper causation of their habit. Going to the root and dealing with our ‘internal struggles’ is the way to go.
Sue the first time I read your blog because of the title. The second time because I wanted to check with myself if things had changed for me. They have to a point. I do not bite my nails but I peel the skin around it. This horrendous habit started when I was in my 20s. I know now that I was expressing rage I could not exteriorise. I truly butchered myself. Now in my 60s I still occasionally do it when anxious but I have a marker, I catch myself and ask why hurt myself so?
It is interesting the habits we develop – safer to bite your nails than show your anger outwardly who would have thought, How wonderful to have the support to learn to how to love ourselves and work through these old habits. it is very inspiring Sue.
Isn’t it beautiful to realise what has changed in us, not as a result of setting out to change a bad habit (or two!), but as a result of learning to love ourselves and living more gently within our own inner rhythms as taught by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon?
Yes gjsms, then there is less of the feeling bad because we haven’t rid ourselves of our bad habits yet – the ‘what is not’ – but concentrating on loving ourselves more and connecting deeply within so our true selves can shine. Hey presto, our ingrained habits then dissolve away almost of their own accord it seems.
This is such a beautiful sharing Sue and very inspiring. For both nail biting , healing oneself and taking responsibility , life and ones self esteem certainly increases rapidly when we make these choices . What a beautiful inspiration for everyone and the love I can feel you are. Thank you .
I know somebody who feels homesick at times, even when they are at home. Perhaps it is feeling that we are missing a vital part of ourselves that leads to anxiety and all the behaviours that then become the physical manifestations of that feeling.
Yes, ‘missing a vital part of ourselves’, as you say Jinya, can lead us to look outside for escape, distraction and stimulation to fill that emptiness. Somehow habits, although we know they are not helpful to us, must bring some form of comfort. When I felt fuller in myself, then my nail biting habit (my escape) left of its own accord.
Great point Sue, when we feel fuller in ourselves, we need less and less from outside. This also accounts for distraction, which habits are, a form of distraction. The moment I leave myself or have this feeling of missing something, I turn to distraction. As we live in a world full of distraction, it really asks a commitment to build on my own relationship and be really honest when I turn to distraction, while I should actually turn to myself.
Yes Mariette, at the moment I still value distraction and stimulation more than I do to consistently stay with my innate stillness – how crazy is that, when if I choose to stay with the stillness, that brings me wisdom and truth. I’m finding a life-time of choosing distraction is a hard pattern to break- yet it is a new choice in every moment.
It does make you think how many different habits are related to nervousness and anxiety and when and how they start. I used to squeeze my earlobes until they hurt and as I recall this was when I had a self judgement about myself and felt very uncomfortable, so I would abuse my ears to not think of whatever had upset me. This went on for many years of my life, until I saw it as a form of self abuse.
Ah Julie, you just reminded me I used to fold up my earlobes and tuck them into my ears! I had never considered this as abuse, just thought I had flexible earlobes! Food for pondering…….Thank you.
I used to bite my nails all the time and I remember that awful tasting liquid …i think it was called ‘Stop It’, but it never really worked because I conveniently kept forgetting to put it on. I can remember chewing my nails when I was worried about something which was usually around school and homework, and once I left school I don’t remember biting my nails quite as much, but I would still do it when I became anxious.
I have loved reading this blog this morning and some of the comments. I feel inspired to deepen my level of self care and love – thank you Sue for such a great example of what self care and self love can do.
Such a beautiful story, one of the things that occurred to me is how little we take children’s nervousness and anxiety seriously. Chewing nails is seen as a childhood (and adult) thing but we don’t really stop to feel how wound up that child is and how uncomfortable. They could receive so much help from care and an opportunity to talk about what is going on for them. It was an awesome moment to read about your realisation of it being a symptom, and how it finally cleared up (without you really realising) as you returned to your natural self, sans all agitation, thanks to Universal Medicine. I really loved your story.
I so agree Melinda. Children are thought to be adaptable and will ‘get over ‘ things quickly. The reality is they are just smaller versions of adults and need to be taken seriously. Teaching children about self-love and appreciating themselves would be a great start for parents and teachers alike, who maybe don’t as yet do that for themselves. I remember years ago, when nursing, it was thought that young babies didn’t feel pain and were circumcised without any pain relief – horrendous to contemplate now.
Great point Melinda, it all starts when we are young. I was really anxious as a young child and started all kind of behaviors to not feel this. We can support children in addressing this and talk about what is going on for them. I only found out that I had huge anxiety issues when I had my first esoteric healing session late in my thirties.
“I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.”- Great to hear that by also applying selfcare, self love to your daily program, taught by Serge Benhayon at Universal medicine, that true change occurred and your nail biting habit has ceased to be a problem.
I’ve come to realise recently that most of the “bad habits” that I’ve had come out when I am avoiding feeling something else that is going on. If I’ve let myself get caught up in a drama and feel anxious then instinctively I go to tear my fingernails. It’s a sure sign that something is not right with me! So by being more aware of how I am throughout my day and taking care of myself I’ve also found the need or frequency of nail picking/biting is now completely different. As someone that likes to fix things it can be challenging to realise that trying to fix the end result does not make any difference apart from asserting more control, the only way is to address what started it all off.
David what you have written here is great about wanting to fix something – I have found that when I go into fix mode which can be quite often it means I am trying to do something with a broken foundation as the fixing hasn’t really addressed the cause.
That such old engrained habits can be totally let go of is a reflection of how Universal Medicine works with the essence of us all, that it is not handing out a ‘quick fix’ but a way for humanity to realign itself with its true purpose.
It is truly and remarkably amazing how many and multitudinous symptoms all disappear when one starts to re connect with who they truly are and when one starts to self love and self care on a consistent daily basis.
And all this without a focus on the symptoms themselves – they were, all along, merely a side effect of the root cause – the lack of connection and love.
When we are not who we innately and naturally are, we become symptomatic: simple really.
Yes, reconnecting with who we truly are makes all the difference. Our habits are just symptoms and side effects of a deeper cause and by addressing our level of self care and deep nurturing these old ingrained habits can just dissolve away. An everyday miracle!
A great comment Coleen, a reminder to connect to be who I truly am and to self love and self care on a daily basis.
I remember my old habit of biting my nails when I was young came from not feeling a huge amount of self worth and being uneasy around people. There were I am sure many other habits I picked up along the way as I felt I was moving on by dropping or overcoming old habits, but now I am more aware of myself and how I am, I don’t seem to have the same habits I used to.
‘I began to alter my former lifestyle habits by choosing a gentler rhythm in my daily activities’
Just this simple choice to become more gentle in everything I do is making a profound difference to the way I feel and am with myself and others. People who come to visit also remark on how lovely my home feels. Old habits can creep in though and staying vigilant about them not taking hold is a constant dedication to living this way.
We often talk about habits as being annoying or highlight our weaknesses. There are habits that propel us towards a mastership of ourselves and a living way that few have chosen.
If we take note of our habits and learn to appreciate who we truly are, rather than concentrating on what we don’t like about ourselves then we can make changes, and nasty habits can just dissolve away like soap suds. ‘Mastership of ourselves’ – great!
I am discovering that there are so many behaviours in life which I have as old habits. Such as letting the cupboard doors slam shut, or leaving something to be done until the last minute, and, as my self care deepens, even these behaviours are slowly leaving, not with any big event, just very quietly as they become replaced with a more loving and caring approach.
Yes, isn’t it wonderful how die-hard habits slowly dissolve as we become more self-loving and appreciate ourselves more.
So true Shami and sueq2012. When we develop self-care and self-love and start living more lovingly with everyone and everything, old habits just die off.
It’s amazing Sue, the habits we can have and I can remember being a nail biter when I was younger! No amount of someone telling me not to do it was going to make me stop. Eventually one day I did, and as you point out here it would have needed to be because whatever the underlying issue was causing me to do it had been addressed. Likewise Universal Medicine or Serge Benhayon has never told me what to do, but simply presented on ways life can be and I have adopted changes in light of what felt true for me. These changes have been true supports for my life and health moving forward.
Thanks Sue Q for a real insight into perhaps why we have bad habits and why they might be so hard to break. It sounds like most of the ‘treatments’ you tried were just dealing with the superficial symptoms or trying to use discipline or will power to stop but it was only when you were supported to look deeper into what might be the underlying cause of the habit that you were able to stop for good without using will power at all!
I too am finding more subtle habits coming to the fore nowadays, which certainly don’t serve me – or anyone. Appreciating how far I have come – and then moving on. I am now realising how important celebrating is – dwelling on those points of evolution, rather than the things I am doing ‘wrong’.
Treating the symptom and not the cause is what we do a lot of and when we ‘beat ‘ the symptom or behaviour we think we have overcome the problem that plagued us. Sue you have nailed it in more ways than one.
What you are describing here about how we are used to treating the symptoms rather than the cause is profound. Getting to the root cause of things is the only thing that will bring true change.
It is such a cliche but treating the symptoms really is just a band aid that helps us manage but it masks what is causing the symptoms or driving the habits in the first place. And by your example Sue, it starts at a young age and just carries into our adult life if we don’t look at the cause.
Hear hear Elizabeth getting to the root cause will bring about true change. Bring a willingness to be honest and an openness to what you have been choosing will truly bring change and we can start making different chooses from that loving place.
That’s right Elizabeth, and I remember from a young age my mother was always saying prevention before cure, and I now understand what she meant was to live in a way that leads to wellness not disease. Universal Medicine has widened the truth even further to get into the root cause of all ill that lies in the body. As you said, this is where we need to go to bring about true change.
I love that when you focused on being loving and tender with yourself you stopped biting your nails without even trying. It’s a great example of habits we develop to distract ourselves from how we are feeling about ourselves. Fill ourselves up with ourselves and hey presto! no need for the distracting habits. Sounds like a win win to me.
I agree, the changes that come without trying are amazing when the focus is on being truly self loving.
I agree Lucy “hey presto!”, when we are filled with love of self the out come is magic. Effort- less effort!
Wow, I hadn’t associated nail biting with self-loathing and lack of self love but it makes sense now that you’ve shared it and goes to show we can cease these seemingly entrenched behaviours such as this no matter how we manifest them once we realise where they’re coming from and reconnect to ourselves. Such loving support you’ve chosen for yourself Sue. Brava.
Its interesting what habits that we pick up but more importantly the ones that are self destructive and harming. As you have so openly shared Sue until we look at the deeper issue as to why we choose this and the lack of self worth that is at play then nothing will truly change. Self-Love is the key and is so worth every moment when we start to look after ourselves.
Sue I loved reading this blog again. I find too that the best medicine you can give yourself is self-love. It has turned my life around for sure and it has helped me stop doing things I thought I would be doing for the rest of my life (like eating chocolate for instance…) Thank you for this beautiful blog.
Yes Lieke, self-love is the way for sure. Why don’t we learn this earlier in our families and school? Because our parents etc didn’t know it either and it now seems crazy not to! I had to wait until my 50s before coming across Universal Medicine – and its love and simplicity. So great you are starting out earlier!
It is crazy Sueq2012 that we largely do not learn that self-love is the way to look after ourselves at a young age. The great thing is that it is never too late to start and re-learn how to truly take care of ourselves if we are not brought up with it when we are young.
Thank you for your sharing Sue. There are many people who chew their fingernails and would probably not realise it could be connected to their low self esteem, how wonderful if we all realised that many of our nervous habits could be helped by Loving ourselves. To teach our children how precious they are, without being told they have to conform to the way we or society wants them to be could change so many lives. Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this may come about sooner rather than later.
This is the big difference, that Universal medicine has allowed me to open up for:
Honestly looking at the root causes and not just trying to treat the symptoms.
Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for all that you live, share and inspire.
Yes so true Michael. I have tried many different methods of looking after myself and there was always some section that did not feel right. And I realised that I was not truly looking at what was going on – underneath it all. Sue your story here is gorgeous – you are a living miracle and a shining example of when you choose honesty and love and what is possible when you do.
Thank you for sharing Sue. When introducing self love and self care, it comes in behind the bad habits and builds a loving foundation. It is incredible that this seems to naturally address the energy behind our behaviours. It is the counter to the lack of love energy that seems to reside within the body that promotes our unloving ways of being and actions towards each other and ourselves.
Yes Matthew, building a true foundation of self loving behaviour is so important – why don’t we learn this from the year dot? Then our unloving ways wouldn’t form ingrained habits that need to be addressed at a later date – or not addressed at all in much of society which then becomes “normal” behaviour for some.
I agree, setting a foundation for ourselves of self loving behaviour is very important, but also to not berate yourself if you do slip and the non self loving behaviour/disregard creeps in, as it can. Allowing yourself to have those unloving behaviours to occur, but to question why you allowed them to creep in, in the first place. That is the key.
Treat the cause and not the symptoms.
This seems so fundamental but when you truly begin to take care of yourself you realise the depth of irresponsibility that humanity has accepted.
So true Lucinda. Many in society only seem to want to paper over the cracks. – like sticking plaster on a gaping wound, which won’t heal – just cover things up for a while. Getting to the root of a problem and addressing the cause is the only way to heal, I feel.
The true impact of self- responsibility is reflected to me on a daily basis. With each step of responsibility we walk taller.
I agree Sue, getting to the root of a problem means that we have to come out of our comfort, and that feels…. well uncomfortable, hence the reason many seek solutions to ‘paper over those cracks’. On the surface things seem to be getting better but underneath the crack keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Great comment sueq2012 getting to the root of the problems is the only true way to heal.
Yes, treating the cause seems like the most natural thing to do and it is in fact very simple but we too often decide to go the long and complicated way as simplicity calls us into responsibility to take deep care of ourselves.
I agree Esther, “simplicity calls us into responsibility to take deep care of ourselves”, it is then with this deep care that we no longer have the urge to ill treat our bodies because why would we!
This is very True Lucinda, it is by taking responsibility and looking deeper into the real cause of the issue that real healing can occur and no other way.
That is my experience Francisco. I have had some amazingly “well timed accidents” in my life resulting in injuries to myself. My rapid recoveries with minimal or no residual damage have related to my questioning deeply what was really going on in me at the time of the “accident”. Surgeries, stitches, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics etc certainly assisted but the deep questioning and resulting awarenesses have always been the point at which I felt the turn around in my healing process.
True Francisco and opening ourselves up for great responsibility is an important part of us being able to really step forward.
Well said. The cause is fundamental, the symptoms usually just annoying (well in the beginning). Which, when dealt with thoroughly, lasts a life-time? It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.
Yes lucindag, “Treat the cause and not the symptoms”, such common sense it seems to me. We even have phrases for this, like “nipping it in the bud”. How have we gotten so far from the practical truth? I agree that beginning to take responsibility back for my choices has changed how this is for me enormously now too. Sue has nailed it beautifully with her blog.
Ha! Nailed it – yes!
“Fifty years of a habit evaporated over the next few months”. Once we get in touch with who we really are and let go of our low self esteem symptoms and old habits seem to fade away. Thank you Sue.
Thanks Sue, great blog that shows the underlying cause to most ailments is lack of self love and care. You show how if you focus on self love and not the issue, it’s possible for it to heal without you even knowing. Treating the cause and not the symptoms
So true Kim. If we focus on what is wrong, rather than what is going well. It is so easy to sink lower into thinking ‘I’ll never sort this’. That was my thinking until I came to Universal Medicine when I realised that self love was the medicine for healing many areas of my life. Then old habits gently fade away without one even realising!
“Treating the cause and not the symptoms”. I totally agree kimweston2. We are so programmed to race off to the doctor to get rid of our symptoms, while the cause of them simply gets ignored and we hope that the issue will just go away. Bring self love and self care into the equation and we’re on our way to a true understanding and eventually a healing, not just a quick fix cure.
I love your comment Sue. It is so true, I was an avid nail biter and also had acne for quite a long time. Both have dissipated by simply learning to love myself more every day and building on that. I now look at my lovely nails and glowing skin as a beautiful marker for how I now choose to treat myself and others alike.
What a great marker to have Sue, that of biting your nails, as you have a physical reminder every day that shows you where you’re at! It’s wonderful that that habit has now fallen away, and should it crop up again, you now have the tools to recognise why and the knowing that you can bring yourself back from it.
Agree Elodie, it is very empowering to discover for yourself the tools that will support you when old habits try to reappear.
For me, realising that I could break the old habits of emotional reactions to things, by just having the awareness of them, has become one of my greatest allies on the path of re-turning to, and re-discovering the true me underneath all the false habits that I had created and indulged in for far too long.
This is true Elizabeth and Elodie, having the understanding of what is taking place is huge and such a support, something that all men, women and children need to know.
Yes its a great marker Elodie. Sue you show what amazing things can happen when we bring true care, nourishment, acceptance, love and appreciation to ourselves. Rather than finding a fix for the symptoms, bringing it back to how we live really is the key.
Yes, acceptance of all my choices and all of my amazingness is something I can find challenging. But reading this blog and the comments I feel that acceptance and understanding, and holding myself with love, brings a level of honesty that delivers an understanding and acceptance that can break old ingrained habits.
Yes, acceptance – and appreciation of ourselves also – and that also includes others…….
It is also a natural progression that the more we nourish, accept, love and appreciate ourselves the more we are able to do the same with others. Further these are all qualities that with our ongoing commitment to develop them in our everyday living they become more solid and are forever expanding.
I loved this blog as I too, have bitten my nails most of my life until recently. Referring to this as a physical marker and reminder of where one is at is great Elodie and confirms the transformation that has taken place in connecting to and truly living the love we all are.
So many dilemmas seems to evaporate when you just apply common sense to your life. Looking after yourself, being gentle and caring. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine basically presents the ultimate answer to our problems yet we seem to have difficulties applying them. Luckily Serge is there to help out with that one also, as always.
What a simple but totally revealing message. I read this and thought of my first friend at school who always bit his nails and it’s interesting that I should have noticed and remembered this out of everything else. But the big message is the self love and appreciation and treating the symptoms not the cause. It’s beautiful and you’ve ‘nailed’ it completely.
Wow, Sue, the answer always lies within and you have gone there. I love how you shared that when you tried to stop in the past you replaced it with other unloving behaviours. As you said ‘Self-love and acceptance, together with appreciation have been the powerful agents for change ‘ Thank you for sharing
There is so much to appreciate in this article, I particularly like the fact that once you stopped ‘try’ and started self loving the issues dissolved, without focusing on them directly.
Thanks for sharing Sue, “I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself.”
That comment reflected to me how I used to always pick my pimples and make such a mess up until 3 years ago…. this is what it related to, taking the anger out on my skin and then allowing the reactions of others around me as an excuse to keep me down.
Initially – pre Universal Medicine – when I ‘tried’ to stop nail-biting, I would develop other unloving symptoms to take its place. So I was just transferring one unloving behaviour to another. Self-love and acceptance, together with appreciation have been the powerful agents for change – no more unnecessary transference.
This is wonder-full Sue. Its amazing how we discover those little quirks and habits that we have. Its also amazing that you just stopped naturally, without even trying, now that’s what I’m talking about. It’s almost like you didn’t need to bite them anymore, because that underlying anxiousness was being dealt with and so biting your nails just seemed silly.
Yes, it is great when our old habits seem to leave magically. But I am learning to appreciate that without my deepening self-love it wouldn’t have happened – something that many of us are deepening – bringing us all to more clarity and thus evolution.
Fantastic how the body can show us the simplest thing that yet has so much deeper meaning in it for us to look at. As you say Christine looking further than the symptom can be life changing.
Letting go of ideas of who I thought I was has been the outcome of a commitment to self love and self care for me. From the support of the esoteric practitioners and my commitment I have the awareness now to look further than the symptom which is so life changing and such a freeing feeling.
Yes, it is great when we look beneath the surface to understand what is truly going on. Very freeing, as you say Christine.
Interesting the concept of eating at yourself because of the lack of self worth and lack of self love. I too used to bite my nails and for me it was what I did when I was really nervous but I never went to extremes. Like most unloving things that I did to myself, some were not to an extreme, so they would not really be noticed yet they were all still unloving…. so sneakily so!
Agree Rosie, it is the sneaky ones and not the very obvious extreme behaviours that are the last to drop away once we start to self-love and self-nurture. Many of these are buried very deep but in time it is their turn and they are eventually exposed as we take more and more responsibility for how we are in life.
Self loathing i have known very well…..and to clear this from your body is so so wonderful to hear. To go to the cause of our symptoms is the only true healing as you have shared Sue Q.
I love how you identified the cause of nail biting was as a result of being angry towards yourself, a reaction to your self-loathing. As I become more aware of the self harm and unloving choices I have inflicted on myself due to self-loathing I too have reacted to the hurt of feeling this. It can be a challenging exposure and journey but oh so liberating and freeing as the awareness allows self loving choices to replace the harming ones.
Your sharing here highlights the miracles that can occur when self-love and honesty come into play. We can spend so much time on the ‘top surface’ stuff – working things out- finding solutions etc… – but the real gold is when we start to really take care of ourselves, accept & appreciate the gold that we are and start to be honest what might be really going on under the surface.
I love how simple it truly is Sue, a habit that has lasted for so long and through countless therapies as you have presented yet all along it was simple self love that could heal the issue. Never underestimate the power of something so simple!
Isn’t it amazing how many issues, behaviour or patterns we have, simply comes down to a lack of self love. Could self love and love be the answer to all our woes?
So true Gyl, that much of our issues come down to a lack of self love or self worth. So it makes sense why trying to apply sheer will and discipline to our ill patterns of behaviours only provides short term solutions as it does not really address the underlying issue.
So true, most of our habits, issues and patterns come down to a lack of self love. The more love we allow in, most of these habits, issues and patterns just seem to vanish. Where there is love, there is no issue.
So true Mariette, when I feel love within myself there are no issues there, things that may have bothered me don’t even cross my mind. All I feel is absolute contentment and joy, and an absolute love for everyone and everything else.
‘ I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood’ so simply expressed but how powerful and transformative to let go of who we have been told we are as children. Thank you Sue.
This is so true Anne, we tend to live today based on what and how we were treated by others, but also how we learned to treat ourselves from when we were young. To learn a different way takes dedication, awareness and responsibility. So it is important to honour what changes or transformations we make for ourselves.
Isn’t that great, stopping biting your nails without even trying. Well done with your new supportive choices.
As soon as I start trying, nothing changes. When I let go of the trying and just allow, everything changes.
I agree with you Mariette. This has happened many times in my life too, I find it usually happens when I let go of trying (haha) to control things. That never works. Letting go of stubbornness has been a game changer for me too, my stubbornness prevented me from seeing such a simple premise.
‘Biting my Nails – Old Habits die gently’ What a great title for your blog Sue . Gentleness is really the key and this should be shared time after time.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” And the beauty of this is that the love is ever deepening and with it the healing also.
I love your comment Rosemary and is so very true, as I experience this also. Choosing to be re-connected to a love that is so grand and that is ever lasting, the love that every single person on the planet, incarnated or not, is from.
Honouring when I feel tired has altered how I feel hugely throughout my day, my anxiety has lessened greatly, as with the habits of anxiety such as nail biting and other habits that did not support me.
There are frequent tales of people trying to bully themselves into changing their habits – dieting, drinking, smoking, excercising are the usual. This wonderful article gives an indication of why so many spend time, effort and money like you did and still tend to fail. “I began to alter my former lifestyle habits by choosing a gentler rhythm in my daily activities.” What you have shared here Sue, is relevant to pretty much everyone.
It certainly is Golnaz! It is amazing how simple changes in the way you are with yourself day to day can have such a massive impact on the behaviors we often view as “bad” or “negative” and spend a lot of time, energy and money trying to fix. Taking the time to connect to myself, and then exploring ways to continue to develop this connection has brought so much more to my life than the old cycle of bad/wrong/must fix!
“Taking the time to connect to myself, and then exploring ways to continue to develop this connection has brought so much more to my life than the old cycle of bad/wrong/must fix!” – love it Hannah and can so relate. Great what Golnaz notes too about trying to bully ourself into behaviour change – and this not working.
So true Kate – it feels terrible when you are being bullied by someone so it is definitely not going to be a successful or enjoyable approach to take with oneself when we see that there is something to change.
Makes so much common sense when you say it like that Hannah, yet how amazing how many of us approach change from the forceful ‘fixing mentality’ franciscoclara8 mentions below. Really supportive to consider the difference.
Yes Kate, it is so supportive to have blogs like this – and the many brilliant comments – as reminders that there is another way of being with ourselves.
It really is such a support Hannah, both the blogs like this and the comments – so much experience to draw from and a fresh perspective on so many aspects of life that just make so much sense. And from ‘everyday’ people – so super encouraging and inspiring that is possible for us all to let go of our daily ways that don’t support us and live a life of care and warmth.
To live “a life of care and warmth” – that’s beautiful Kate, what a way to live!
Great and powerful comments Hannah and Golnaz and as you have stated Golnaz no one is immune from this. Connecting to ourselves and choosing a gentler rhythm – this is more precious than gold.
I agree Hannah and Golnaz, it is such a difference when we try to change old habits from a ” fixing mentality” without first connecting to our bodies than doing it from a deep connection and appreciation of who we are and how we feel.
This is great to read Sue, thank you for your very honest, humble account, it seems to be the way in society that we treat the symptoms and do not look at the root cause as to why we have certain habits or behaviours, and so we do not truly heal if it is only the symptoms we are treating.
Thank you Sue for sharing your simple yet inspiring story. “Unloving practices gently fading into extinction” I too have had many unloving practices fade into extinction. We are so blessed to be supported by Universal Medicine practitioners.
The Healing modalities offered by Universal Medicine are delivered with the highest integrity, care and love by the practitioners. They cannot but pull us into being the loveliness that we are.
Absolutely Francisco. If we hear and accept the call to evolve, we cannot but be pulled to be more. It is always down to choice – we can resist or we can choose to evolve – free will as to which energy we choose.
What a beautiful blog about how the presenting issue or physical ailment, is there hiding usually something much deeper and to be felt. We very often, only choose to focus on the part or thing that is paining us, instead of making the space to stop,connect and feel really what is going on.
I too had many unloving practices gently fade into extinction, including smoking and drinking thanks to learning about self love and care thanks to my association with Universal Medicine.
I love that term Kevmchardy – ‘unloving practices gently fading into extinction.’ They do that because we don’t need them to satisfy a particular behaviour anymore as we become more loving and truly caring of ourselves.
Me too Lee! The dinosaurs of unloving practices.
I too love how you express this Kev. I have felt many unloving thoughts and actions against myself fade into extinction. On a walk the other day I realised that I hadn’t had a certain self bashing thought that was on a loop for me in my life for quite some time. I had not actively worked on this or given it much attention but it has naturally faded away through gradually building love and care for myself.
This is a lovely confirmation of the power of committing to create a new foundation for self based on acceptance, appreciation and love. Thank you Sue.
This is a great story that will serve many people to look at their unloving habits from a different perspective really looking towards self-loathing and lack of self love. This is a story the world needs to hear!!
Thank you Rachel I have been amazed at the response. The deeper connections I have made with other unwanted and unloving habits that have gently dissolved, as I deepen my connection with myself, as other people have also found. Why do we keep on trying to ‘fix’ things?!
Sue thank you for your sharing as it has invited me to reflect on my journey with nail-biting. I too was an uncontrollable nail biter as a child and had always struggled with this habit as an adult. So I can relate to much of what you have shared. And for me I now realise it was a habit that I took on in which I would be able to distract and punish myself with, for the frustration and anxiousness that I was experiencing from feeling that I wasn’t enough, by just being me. However I also discovered that as I began to connect to my love within, my essence, ‘I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am’. And through this unfolding and developing which is continuing today, my nails now have grown naturally and I enjoy loving, having fun and taking care of my hands and nails.
This is a great reminder of how everything we do reflects how we feel about ourselves. Only when we repair the root cause can we truly heal ourselves.
Self love and self nurturing are the keys to releasing a myriad of hurt, pain and anger. Through the teachings of Serge Benhayon we are brought back to the very first step of any true healing, and that is Self love, and as we begin to develop this our habits, ideals, beliefs, hurts and pain start to fall away and we begin to become who we truly are.
This is so awesome and revelatory for so many! This needs to be in a magazine!
Sue how you came to gently change your old habits is very inspiring – “I began to alter my former lifestyle habits by choosing a gentler rhythm in my daily activities:” – Every choice that we make has an immediate effect on the body, so choosing more loving choices will naturally feed us back a more loving way to be in the world. Making those first initial choices to do things differently is so worth it.
” so choosing more loving choices will naturally feed us back a more loving way to be in the world.” This is gorgeous Natalie – and so true. Thankyou.
It’s great when we suddenly realise an old habit has virtually disappeared. Time to appreciate ourselves for the level of love and care we have been giving to ourselves. It is so easy to condemn our bad habits and judge ourselves for falling back even briefly into old ways. Let’s appreciate how far we have come and know this can reflect out to others so it’s not just for us.
Yes Sue, so important to appreciate the changes of bringing more self-care and love to our daily living. I also appreciate how you have described an old habit dropping away by addressing the underlying issue rather than trying to apply self-will, which only ever seems to provide a temporary solution and then returns.
I know, it’s great. I adore my nails now, they look so beautiful. So true, the importance of appreciating how far we have come. Every time I look at my nails, this could be a moment of appreciation!
Beautifully expressed Sue and through our self appreciation it inspires ourselves as well as others to keep letting go those old habits that are tethering us down
Yes Sue, it is incredible when we self-nurture and self-love, old habits can disappear without so much as a ‘bang’ – they just drop off. Time to deeply appreciate ourselves, within that appreciation, perhaps other old habits will soon disappear.
I have noticed that a ‘bad’ habit can come back after some time, in a milder way, but still it’s there. For me this shows that there is a level deeper that I can go to and that there is something else to look at. I keep on learning, every day!
I feel the same Mariette. Growing and evolving never stop and there is always more to look at, to ponder on and to deepen and with everyone being unique, each journey is unique. This is the richness of the tapestry of humanity.
Yes Maryline Decompoix, and when the tapestry of humanity starts to become unravelled, we can stitch it up again by being willing to go deeper with each habit that presents itself, with love and the desire for true healing.
And what a difference it makes in everyones life when they embrace what you so aptly state here: ” I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.”
I agree Karina, choosing to develop more love for ourselves through caring for and nurturing our bodies has a wide ranging positive impact on all our lives.
Thanks Sue, I can also see the changes and true healing happening in my life through the teachings of Universal Medicine. Through gradually deepening my love and appreciation for myself bad habits have fallen away and the quality in which I live is so much more harmonious, joyful and loving which has allowed a commitment to life that I haven’t felt for a long time.
This is beautiful Gretel, today I will take even more love and appreciation into my day because of your comment. Thank you.
It is amazing how when you look at your issues and deal with them, the behaviors and habits fall away without trying. I have noticed some of this in my life after dealing with my issues – where I have a realisation one day that I haven’t been doing that annoying habit for last few weeks. Thank you for sharing your story Sue.
“I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself.” It’s fascinating the many ways our behaviours can develop from a deep seated or hidden emotion. And what’s wonderful is that your self-loving choices dissolved the whole arrangement!
“choosing a gentler rhythm in my daily activities” This is paramount. This is the beginning of honouring ourselves which allows for our care and love to blossam. I know so many who have changed their lives around, starting from this first step. Thank you for sharing this Sue. A really great blog.
The healing modalities offered by Universal Medicine are nothing short of miraculous.
And the world needs more of it, bucket loads of it – dedication to your own self love.
Totally Dean – a billion percent. The miracles that I have witnesses within myself and those around me is spectacular. A miracle factory indeed. Then we become the miracle factory also 🙂
Not only are these true miracles a natural by-product of the esoteric healing modalities, they are normal everyday things such is the strength and joy they are founded upon.
When I read through this blog it has the flavour of so many blogs I have read through written by people who have made lasting changes for themselves. The reason to make changes may vary and in this case it is nail biting in another it may be because of illness or relationship issues or whatever. However these are symptoms of something deeper and what shines through and is most commonly shared is “I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” To me this shows that once care, love and nurturing ourselves are applied to any changes are possible in our lives which demonstrates the simplicity of all Serge Benhayon lives and presents.
I remember the foul tasting liquid Sue, but it never got to the root cause. As you say, when you address the root cause, the abusive behaviour just falls away.
Sue and Natalie I know well the symptoms you write about but until recently I had not paid attention to the root cause, suppressed anger. A more caring relationship with myself has greatly helped.
Ah ha Natalie, it’s getting to the root cause that’s the tricky part. That takes a good dose of honesty, commitment to self, love, and an true esoteric practitioner!
Absolutely – great prescription Sandra!
Trying to treat the symptoms and not the cause , is an amazing revelation . It is one of our biggest failures as humanity when we choose that way , we get lost and our growth or evolution is delayed.
Exactly Greg, before meeting Serge Benhayon I had not ever looked at a root cause or what was actually underneath any of the suffering or pain I felt. Or simply why I would incessantly bite my nails. Yet it makes complete sense that if you only look at the symptom it will keep happening – as the reason for it occurring is still there.
Yes, of course that old habit keeps on returning – until we heal the underlying reason why we do what we do. Yet so many modalities and medicines just treat symptoms; return visits to the doctor and hospital, repeat prescriptions etc – no wonder the health service is bankrupt.
Before meeting Serge Benhayon I didn’t even think about the real cause of what was going on for me, let alone look at it. It was very convenient not to and I wasn’t living in a way that would allow me to think any different.
Thank you for all the great comments and how the initial “bad habit” I described has extended to include all destructive habits. I remind myself daily to keep applying self love and stay consistent – still a work in progress, that I guess will never end! How deep can we go?!
In my experience, that daily application you speak of Sue Q, whilst I agree is not always easy, can be the greatest, most profound, deepest and long lasting medicine in the world.
Well said Dean 🙂
As deep as we choose to go I guess, Sue. Realising the small habits is huge in itself, letting them go and moving onto the bigger “destructive” ones is so empowering, knowing that we CAN change the habits of a lifetime, or two.
From little acorns grow…..
Yes a continued work in progress, which I guess is the point, not to fall for the trap of ‘getting there’… keep deepening the appreciation and self love.
Hands are such a beautiful and expressive part of a womans body and so I can see how hiding ones hands and fingers in shame denies the world of the true preciousness of the feminine that a woman offers.
Beautiful…..I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.
This is beautifully shared as it isn’t finite it is something that continues to develop with every breath.
Dear Sue,
Re reading you blog was an absolute pleasure. The stillness and love that you now hold for you can be felt, thank you. Everyone that in any way self attacks, whether this be nail biting or picking or self criticism to name a few, could truly benefit from what you have written.
I really love how you identified that nail biting was an act of anger towards yourself, and that when you started to change your relationship with yourself, the nail biting fell away.
I agree Brooke, it has made me look at little habits I still have that are not loving.
Me too Catherine, and one big habit for me to break would be the voice in my head telling me I am not good enough…. that would be a truly loving choice, for myself, and one so worth making.
its an opportunity for me to look at areas where I have small habits which are not loving.
I have noticed recently that my awareness of my habits has changed now seeing some of my ways as habits that I have not seen before.
Absolutely, Brooke I can feel when I choose to deepen the relationship with myself first those self abusive behaviours fall away.
Yes, once these habits are identified, a choice can be made to stop them. I feel also, that it is not always those physical things that we do to ourselves out of anger or self-loathing, it is also those unloving thoughts, self-doubts and criticisms directed at ourselves, that can become habitual too, and can be just as damaging. What works for me is once I started to make loving choices, being more gentle and appreciate myself more, I no longer wanted to entertain those deeply ingrained thought patterns that were harming me. It’s an ongoing daily choice, and habits don’t have to be habits for life, they can be broken by building a true relationship with ourselves, in a loving way.
Yes, negative self talk is so harmful and can be habitual, as you say Sandra. An on-going choice to appreciate, care and love ourselves pays dividends, forging a true, consistent relationship with self.
Totally agree Sandra.For me, identifying the habits in the first place is the hard part, but reading articles like this, and the comments is really good, because sometimes I catch one that surprises me with a ‘gosh I do that too!
I agree, negative thought patterns can be just as damaging as physical acts, and it is through our dedication to being more present in our bodies that we can change and stop this momentum and start to create more love in our beings.
So true Brooke. It’s when we begin to unravel and accept our past choices that lead us to a deeper relationship with self that heals our self harming habits.
Its awesome isn’t it Brooke and makes change very possible when you’re stuck in the negative pattern it feels impossible that you could ever change! But with real self love and rhythm I have experienced myself the ability to just let go of unhealthy habits. Its liberating and down to the teachings from Universal Medicine that I have learnt about self love.
I love your sentence Sue – “I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.” The moment we connect with the love that we are, all these old habits really do die off quite easily, at times overnight – how cool is that!
Thanks for sharing here Sue how you really got to the root cause underneath the nail biting and through working on that the biting naturally faded away and permanently so, rather than it being about a battle of will power to try and just fix the habit.
What I have been feeling lately, where I lose consistency in my daily rhythm due to lack of commitment to my own connection, my anxiousness kicks in and an underlying nervous energy I feel in my body. This is great for me to feel as it is Something that has been coming up for me to reflect on.
Thank you Sue for this beautiful blog to which I can so well relate, though instead of nail biting I would beat myself up for not being right or good or put simply for not being enough. It was an old and very deep rooted habit, that with the inspiration of what is presented by Universal Medicine has started to die gently and constantly. It will take some time. Starting to feel that I am not wrong and instead very right just as I am is an amazing experience – especially as the whole world seems to change with me: connections deepen and there are miracles seemingly everywhere.
I love the way the world ‘seems to change’, as we change and become more self-loving. Connections do indeed deepen and everyone seems more accepting and friendly, unless they come in reaction. Choices, choices everywhere!
Thank you for this insight into nail biting Sue, a timely reminder of what can manifest within our behaviours when there is a lack of self regard and self love.
You make it very clear, Sue, how nail biting is an abuse we do to ourselves because we are angry about how we choose to feel worthless and helpless. On the contrary, the gentle way you put into practice a nurturing rhythm for yourself, and started to respect yourself in being able to make and sustain those choices, resulted in the habit disappearing without the effort of long term therapy. And it is long lasting healing!
What’s interesting about every day, is that we’re all continuously being communicated that we’re more than what we accept ourselves as. When I read “I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself”, I couldn’t help but see the importance of our own bodily communications. For if we’re shown symbolism around us, millions of different constellations with people and places we go, how important is it to know and understand our own self and the self reflections we scream, yet not listen to.
Thank you Sue. It’s amazing how we use behaviours against ourselves which are completely self defeating and sabotaging but can’t seem to stop. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations I have learnt how important it is to arrest the energy responsible for that choice and then breaking habits is actually easy!
Yes, stopping the energy that I have chosen! (ouch) that feeds the habit, any habit – is so important. Huge appreciation for Universal Medicine for showing another way.
Thank you Sue for giving us a clear explanation on why we bite our nails. Biting nails has not been my thing but reading your blog has given me an opportunity to look at my habits especially when I interact with people eg agreeing and not really feeling into what has been said.
For me my anxiety played out in checking things, the more anxious I got the more I checked. From the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been taking care of myself , loving myself and addressing why I felt anxious and now this habit has completely disappeared without focusing on it or trying to make it stop.
Thanks Sue, I used to bite my nails for a period, so much so they would hurt the next day when I woke, though I have not done that for years, there have been moments where I may have bitten one, but nothing like the extreme before. When I do, it stands out so much as something that is not me – and makes me ask okay what’s going on. I also love this line “I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am,” I can feel how loving this is, and also that when we feel this way, ( I know for me) that I do not want to harm or hurt myself in anyway, just celebrate, appreciate, love and nurture all that I can.
Chewing my nails is a symptom for sure. I’d lived with anxiety as an ever present backdrop, so much so that it just becomes your ‘norm’; as was chewing my nails. Now I am dealing with the anxiety through Universal Medicine and healing from Serge Benhayon, I have just about stopped chewing my nails. If my fingers do unconsciously head for my mouth, I now have the awareness to realise anxiety has just crept in, and then to see how it got in.
A great article Sue. So often we ‘try to treat the symptoms, not the cause’. Once we stop to look at what is the underlying cause of our habits it is the start of unraveling the issue. A sense of lack of self worth can eat us up as you so clearly show.
Great to read this and have a deeper understanding of what nail biting is. It’s very common and this will support those who do use it as a way of relieving uncomfortable feelings.
I’m surprised by just how common it is, but during my work I’m more and more aware of how many people bite/chew their nails. I always used to do this a lot. Since reading this blog a while back I’ve noticed as you say that it comes when I want to relieve something that feels uncomfortable. What I also realise is that by the time I catch myself biting my nails its already too late. Something that Neuroscience is showing us in that our choice of action happens 10 seconds before we think we make that choice – therefore its not about trying to stop yourself biting your nails as its too late but what I found is that through taking care of myself during the day there is no pull to bite my nails.
So David, what you are saying is that taking care of yourself as a lifestyle choice has the effect that there are less times in the day when you feel uncomfortable about dealing with what you need to deal with, and then the thought to bite your nails doesn’t even come to you, the choice of action 10 seconds before doesn’t arise. That is really interesting and is anecdotal evidence of the science presented by Serge Benhayon that energy precedes thoughts. That the quality of the way we live determines our thoughts and actions.
Thank you Sue. Every habit means something, it’s a great way to simply acknowledge that there is something occurring that keeps the habit going. Such a good way to pull ourselves back into line. There is no doubt that self love evaporates these habits, so rather than focusing on the habit we focus on bringing a greater amount of love into our life.
Indeed Matthew, “so rather than focusing on the habit we focus on bringing a greater amount of love into our life”. Shifting the focus and the emphasis is a great tip thank you.
Thank you for sharing Sue. It is rewarding to spend time with and to take loving care of ourselves, it makes so much sense.
“I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” I can feel from what you have written here Sue that i too chewed my nails rather than show my anger outwardly. I had never looked at it like this before but it makes sense. My self loathing my lack of self worth my hurt, frustration and anger had to go somewhere. I never expressed any of this openly so this was my way of relieving the pressure that was building up inside me.
Yes, it was a relief of the pressure inside me too, altho I didn’t realise that at the time. On the odd occasion when I did manage to grow my nails a little, I found that I just transferred this tension to scratching my head! Because I then had nails long enough! But sure enough I would revert back to nail biting. Very occasionally now I find my hands wandering to my mouth and I stop and feel what is going on inside my body. Painting my nails and feeling proud of my hands after such a long period of abuse still gives me such pleasure, and they are much nicer for others to look at too.
Thank you Sue. I can relate to your habbit very well. I still find myself nailbiting every now and than. Reading your blog has made me aware of the fact that it’s got a lot to do with anxiousness and not giving myself the Space and Grace of leaving early enough to be in time for appoinments outside of my house. Beautiful to connect to!
The Grace of Space….
Such a fantastic blog sharing how patterns and beliefs that we hold onto can actually be extremely damaging and harmful. Especially when you think it is no big deal when in fact you keep burying the real reason and keep that vicious cycle going.
Yes you are amazing Sue for being honest and loving to your self with awareness.
How we take care of ourselves speaks volumes, and the body shows where we are not taking care of ourselves … including our hands and nails. Sometimes my hands feel delicate and cared for and other times rough and sore … including around my nails and this I have realised is a reflection of me and if I am caring for me or not. Thanks for sharing.
So true. I never realized that it is in the details. I have a habits to ‘play’ with or even bite the skin around my nails, not very caring. Like now my fingers look rough. Time to spend some love and care around this region!
I’ve never been a nail-chewer, Sue, but I have had other bad habits that have fallen away since I have been working on love, self-love, gentleness and all the other beautiful things that Serge Benhayon presents to us. Thanks so much for sharing.
Wow, When you’re talking about how much safer it was to literally eat yourself rather than express that anxiety, frustration, rage outwardly onto others .. I have never thought of it that way before. It really makes sense to me how someone or many could do this.
Yep that is so true, i have never thought of it like that either until you shared this. It is a bit of a wake up call as to how so many of us can form habits instead of dealing with anxieties, fears and frustrations .. to name a few. And that is actually easier and quicker to look at and deal with what is infront of us instead of forming unhealthy habits that could potentially last a lifetime! And not even deal with the issue. Yikes.
Absolutely vicky, it feels like a bit of a trick, forming these habits when it doesn’t actually have to be that way ~ I feel, if supported properly we can heal the root cause of the anxieties, fears and frustrations. It’s just getting the true support to heal the root cause and I feel that this is only really offered by Universal Medicine by looking at the fact that everything is indeed energy and it is also because of energy that we have our ills and woes. Since studying with Universal Medicine I have been able to look at the quality of energy I choose to live with and if it is one of anxiety feel what this is all about. I have then gotten images of different situations from when I was younger that effected me and got to understand that I absorbed these situations instead of just watching them and knowing they were outside of myself, outside of my control. I have learnt that nothing effects the preciousness and delicate that are my qualities on the inside and that whatever I have taken on in life, all of me and my absolutely glorious qualities are always and have always been residing in me ready to eminate out, sitting under all that anxiety, fear and frustrations. This is true healing, understanding of ourselves and what we have inside us and learning to heal all our past hurts and live from the clarity of our true presence.
Yikes indeed. The patterns and behaviours are what I find to be crippling us. All because we don’t want to deal with our hurts ~ which I for one skip around and skip over because of the pain of what it seemingly feels like to address them head on.
This is so fantastic, Sue. It really rang true for me too and I remembered nervous bodily habits I have had in my life that have fallen away almost completely since I became a student of UM and have thus begun to live so much more gracefully. This line, in which you exposed how nail biting for you was, “a form of anger against myself” in particular was powerful for me to read.
What great insight you have into the reasons for your nail-biting habit Sue. Enjoy your lovely nails, each time you look at them you must be celebrating!
I also was a biter of nails (and also drank alcohol) which seemed to be associated with being nervous/anxious but never understood the cause until now . To this day I don’t remember how I stopped both. What I do know is that I was becoming more loving towards myself. Thank you Sue for sharing your experience.
I loved your article Sue, it deeply resonated with me having been a nail biter myself as a child. It was gorgeous to read of your journey and I love the understanding you brought to me of why. Without giving it much thought I had always believed the cause to be from anxiety but had never considered it as the manifestation of self-loathing and lack of self-love. This, along with the line ‘it was safer to literally eat myself than show my anger outwardly’ was very healing as the penny dropped realizing that was exactly what I was doing and why. Thank you for sharing this and offering the healing you have. Awesome.
I have never been a nail biter but have had a couple of family members that have been and are still. Your blog shows that through self nurture and gentleness with yourself, ( ourselves ) we can change the way we have been . Thank you Sue.
I have come to realize there are so many more subtle habits like biting nails. And that these are all energy drains. I had a private session with Chris James (www.chrisjames.net) recently on the way I express and how I use my voice and my body to express. He pinpointed so many little habits I wasn’t aware of. Like that I moved my head, when I spoke, in a funny way, that even my head was not standing straight. That I tend to say yes very quickly to what people say. Now you might wonder what is the big deal with that? By becoming aware of that Yes-pattern I could experience that very subtly I don’t let the other and his/her expression 100% in. I already say Yes as an automatism, but I haven’t truly FELT what is being said. My head says yes, more like yeah, yeah. I am practicing now that to let the other in with what he is saying, stopping myself from the quick yes and guess what? There is more to feel, hear, see and to let in e.g.the other in full. Let’s gradually bring all the energetic draining habits to the surface, feel and let them go. It brings so much more clarity!
I too can agree too quickly, rather than giving myself time to really feel what is appropriate. A great one to watch – thanks for bringing to my attention.
Great comment Caroline. I too nod or say yes too quickly and it hasn’t occurred to me as to why I do this behaviour which is clearly explained here. Often I am aware that I am doing it and occasionally I will stop but reading this comment has inspired me to take this further. Thank you.
This is gorgeous what you have shared. We are so unaware of our little habits that we have so cleverly crafted to keep us stuck where we are. I love working with people’s bodies and seeing how the tiniest adjustment makes such a huge difference to how they look, feel, talk and act.
Yes trying to fix, finding solutions doesn’t work, as we and others have found. Time to celebrate our gorgeous nails and the natural shedding of other nasty habits that fell away after our introduction to Universal Medicine and applying doses of self love in abundance!
There has been a couple of times I’ve stopped biting my nails and each time I start again it becomes more clear as to the reasons why. For me whenever I put myself in a position that I need to rush, which causes anxiety that’s the root cause of me biting my nails. Whenever I stop biting, usually without trying, it’s when I’m lovingly allowing enough time for each activity and therefore no anxiety. This also is hugely impacted by my choice of foods. Sugar is a big fuel for nail biting!
It’s amazing that not expressing a feeling of anger can turn into such a binding habit like nail biting. It then surely begs the medical fraternity to ask why we as humans display so many other behaviours (not understood at a grass roots level) – and generally treated only symptomatically.
It’s wonderful – the effects of self love, Sue!
Great blog Sue, simple and to the point. I can certainly relate to addiction and have experienced results after attending Universal Medicine presentations and doing work on myself. Sugar is still in my world and I thank you for reminding me that there is a cause to this symptomatic escape and the sugar is only employed to mask something else (hurt or separation from myself).
Good call Rachael, bringing this blog into what ever current addiction we have in our lives is a great form of medicine, it makes the writing feel alive and relative. Sugar is a battle for me too. You should watch “That Sugar Film” and yes that is the actual name of the film. Its amazing and helps to expose what sugar is actually doing to the body.
Biting my nails is like an anxiety barometer. I am beginning to use an old habit as a marker to question what is going on and where I am at; what I am allowing and choosing that is preventing me from being calm and in control?
Wow! Thank you for sharing Sue.
Beautiful to read your blog again Sue and receive the deeper reflection I got this time.
I too am learning to connect more deeply to myself and let go of the constant anxiety that I have lived with my whole life.
What a joy it is to start to feel the tender, innocent and playfulness again as a man, that I knew so well as a beautiful boy. In deep appreciation thank you Sue.
A lovely Read Sue, thanks for sharing your experience with nail biting!
I really relate to this, but the lack of self love and anger piece is hard to swallow. I appreciate the practical aspects of your post, Sue, showing us how building your rhythm enabled the unloving habit to melt away. Inspiring, thank you.
Self loathing and a lack of self love and turning your anger on yourself, to me, explains addictions in any shape or form from over eating, indulging in anything that does not serve us or our bodies, to alcohol and drugs. Well said Sue Q.
This article in a nutshell for me “I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause”. Can be applied to so many areas.
An awesome insight Sue, a beautiful reminder that healing is not about addressing symptoms or finding solutions. Connecting with myself and walking in the fullness of me, I have watched my fidgeting behaviors drop away. I enjoy nurturing my hands now and using them gently in my day. I stop to proudly appreciate them as a reflection of my increased self love and use them as a marker of my level of presence.
Thank you Sue. Highlighting how pervasive self-worth issues are in society now is an essential step in the rebuilding of each individuals re-connection with themselves, the beginnings of self-love, and thus the start of reducing the tsunami of health issues overwhelming our public health systems that directly come from humanities disconnection with themselves.
I like self-love as a concept to stop a bad behaviour such as nail-biting! It is the self-loathing and lack of self-love manifested as nail biting – or gum-biting. I watch this gum-biting in many young people these days. Thanks to Sue who wrote this great article and showing what has helped her to stop this negative behaviour.
Sue I can totally relate to this article. I didn’t bite my nails, but had so many other unloving habits that made me feel ashamed and guilty. I am slowly getting past them now with the help of Universal Medicine and the teachings offered by Serge Benhayon. For instance, i used to be completely addicted to Red Bull, I am talking about 3-4 large cans a day at my worst. It was horrible and I knew it, yet couldn’t stop myself. So one day I had a chakra-puncture session about it. The next day I woke up more awake that ever before and that desire or need for Red Bull had gone away. Its now been about 5 months without one and now even the smell makes me feel ill.
Love the blog Sue and that’s pretty inspiring story about the Red Bull too Leah. Energy drinks were not my thing but I relate to addiction. Before I had my first session with Serge Benhayon I smoked a pack of ciggies a day. After my first session with him the smoking dropped away so easily, yet Serge never mentioned once that I should quit or told me to change. What I liked was the quitting wasn’t even a focus, loving myself for the first time was.
Absolutely Sarah, I can just feel how often I used to focus on quitting my bad habits, reaching out for solutions and failing rather than looking inwards and loving myself.
I can relate Sarah, I had tried to stop smoking for months but always ended up smoking other peoples tobacco socially and claiming I was a non-smoker… denial! After starting the work of Universal Medicine and beginning to make self-loving choices I simply could not touch another cigarette. I am far too precious and gorgeous to treat my body that way.
Well said also Jane.
Sarah you raise such an important point in that society teaches us to focus on the issue – quitting smoking, stopping drinking etc.. yet there are very few people who talk about truly and simply building a love for oneself.
“I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.” – it is amazing how much power our childhood impressions have on us until we find this magical quality of Acceptance. I’m still working on it here. Thankyou for the reminder.
Yes the acceptance is massive and its all of you that we need to accept, and when you have been told that what you do makes you who you are no wonder we struggle with this one. We don’t need to do or be anyone or thing just who we are innately born to be.
Absolutely! There’s so much pressure put on us to do and be someone or something that we are not. Sometimes I feel a struggle going on knowing this truth and yet feeling this pressure to do or be someone that I am not. Acceptance is key and for me to feel this more deeply.
Sue – reading this again makes me really appreciate a similar experience.
I was always hard on my hands, I always had cuts, bruises, no nails and very rough fingertips.
I hated my hands.
But as I have been choosing to live in a way that is much more self aware and gentle, as a result, my hands have completely changed.
I actually have long fingernails that I absolutely love. My hands have never been so feminine and tender – and that is so amazing to see.
Thank you Sue, it is a keen insight that nail biting can be about eating oneself up rather than displaying anger outwardly and I do feel there are many other habits that similarly keep us in a state of nervous tension and self harm that go unnoticed. Definitely cause for more reflection.
My heels were always dry, cracked and sore in the winter. Since I began to self care they have become smooth and soft. I didn’t notice the change, but I appreciate it now. So for me a pause for reflection is how I can appreciate more of how my body has benefited from more loving self care.
I had this too, with my heels in the summer, years of wearing the wrong shoes. Now I love taking care of my feet, they love being pampered and a little appreciation goes a long way!
And, I’ve stopped wearing flip-flops (or thongs as I believe you call them in Australia), there is no support in them, now I make sure that I choose my footwear with more consideration, in fact this consideration goes for all my clothes. There is nothing wrong with a bit of loving self care, after all our feet carry us around every day and we very often take them for granted.
Simon that is interesting what you say as i was not one to really bite my nails, but have in the past caught myself in other habits that have kept me in a state of nervous tension. Definitely something to reflect on, why this nervous tension and where is it coming from.
These days when I notice a habit or behaviour that I am allowing to run unchecked, I am first of all appreciative of my willingness to spot it and secondly almost pleased that it is there – for what it shows me about me, how I am doing, where I am at and what I can refine next in my choice to get honest.
I was actually sitting next to someone at work yesterday who was biting their nails, when they started chewing they exclaimed I have done it all my life and quickly put their hands away. I wondered what makes one person a biter and another not? And here your blog is Sue the following morning. I love the simplicity in which you have shared your process. Despite not being a biter, after reading your blog I now have a deeper understanding for people and the cause of their habit, and this will no doubt be of support when I work with people who bite their nails into the future. I notice how we often launch into solutions for people. I myself have said to someone who bites their nails, have you used that gross tasting stuff? Only to be replied yeah but it doesn’t work. Thanks for the reminder that it is not about solutions and treating the symptoms without first the will to understand the cause.
This is a great article about old habits and how we really can change them by loving and caring for ourselves and developing a more truly nurturing way of living. With this I am finding so many things are old habits that keep coming up again and it is beautiful to see and change them which with time become no longer a habit and simply go away as they are not really me and this is very confirming . Thank you Sue for this very real loving sharing.
Sue, I too used to bite my nails and can relate to everything you say. I stopped the nail biting habit years ago but the source of the problem was still there as I started to bite the skin around my nails instead. Not constantly, but from time to time. I still have problems with this. Reading your blog has helped me see that it’s time to delve deeper to find out why this is so..
This is a lovely article about self acceptance. It is great to read about all the strength that you have inside which was able to come out and help you to overcome the difficulties you were experiencing, such as anxiety.
This blog really touched me on many levels – I’d bitten my nails since I was very young – and can so relate to all that you have shared Sue.
Your line “I began to develop love for myself, which mean that I cared for and nurtured my body more”. Beautiful. Thank you.
I can really relate to this, Sue, not with regard to nail-biting, but to other habits that were seriously working against my self-love and caring. e.g. being competitive in my driving – “I can’t let anyone beat me” – both stressful and dangerous to my body; and, going quickly to anger as a result of any frustration.
It was great to read ‘Old Habits die gently’, and that initially “I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” – which never made any true change, until you were introduced to the support and simple principles of Universal Medicine, which helped you deal with the cause and now live a life- bite free.
I love that you are sharing that before you were “trying to treat the symptoms not the cause”. This is exactly what a lot of therapies are doing – not looking for what’s underneath. And this is what we’ve got to listen to. Congrats to your way of self-loving choices!
Great revelation Sue! I’m sure nail-biting is just one of many ‘ticks’ that we all have, and we get used to and find comforting.
Even the leaders of our country are not immune to this, including a former chancellor and prime minister. it’s great to read that just a little old thing called self-love, can consign these ‘ticks’ to history.
Thank you Sue, yes the more we bring more self acceptance and appreciation of who we are, and the more loving choices we make in life, the more love comes back to us so it is easier to let go of those patterns and behaviours that have held us back from beauty that we are.
I can’t read all the comments here, and it’s possible someone’s already beaten me to the punchline, but Sue, you nailed it! That line, about literally trying to “eat yourself” is a revelation for us all. How many of us have done similar, perhaps not biting our nails but taken up other habits as a form of inverted self-expression/punishment? Most of us, I’ll bet. Thank you for going public with your story.
Great blog Sue. I love how you said “I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” I think this could be found for a lot of things in life
Isn’t it beautiful how when we make simple self loving and loving choices our lives can open up and change in so many ways.
You know the saying ‘A leopard never changes its spots’ well it goes to show that we can change once we choose to.
I love your honest sharings Sue Q. It’s amazing when we start to self-love and nurture ourselves that bad habits do tend to drop away. It’s also really lovely when one of these habits falls away and you are left with a beautiful reflection (your nails) which you can actually adorn with polish and rings to highlight your own self-love – how gorgeous!
Very inspiring Sue thank you for sharing the love and care we can give to ourselves and then our not so loving habits can disappear lovingly. After all our body really does speak to us if we listen and the messages it gives us are gold.
Sue, this is such a sweet blog, I bit my nails until 6 th class, then I saw a girl in my class who had long fingernails, and I Instantly stopped.I felt there was something so lovely about her nails and I wanted to have nails like hers. From then on I had long nails, I would paint them and look after them, it always made me aware of my hands.
A beautiful story, Sue. Love heals everything.
So true and the tension of not being that love…drives us in so many ways…
Thank you Sue for showing us the transformational power of self love and nurturing.
Hello Sue, this is quite amazing. In a world that chases the symptoms you have unlocked another way, the cause. I think it is a funny story, after years of trying to stop biting your nails by focussing on your nails you stop biting your nails by treating something completely different. In other words the nails were the cover for something far greater. I love how simple this message is, if you ‘have’ a symptom, look deeper to the cause and stop running around on the symptom. A super and easy story with a great message, thank you Sue.
I agree Ray. Dealing with symptoms is great but we have to take it deeper than that and look at what lies beneath it.
We might say she nailed it!
I allow myself more and more to gently observe my behavioral habits and have understanding for it, instead of judging, which is so easy! With that understanding I can allow myself to go to the root cause and change: sometimes quicker, sometimes slower but always towards more self love and knowing myself better.
Thank you Sue for writing a great blog. Your nail biting experience really goes to show that rather than trying to fix a symptom, if self-love is our focus, it is indeed true medicine for the body. When we deny, avoid or reject our own love – as seen in the choices we make (being rough, emotional, abrupt, etc) the body manifests this ‘lack’ of love in so many different ways (illness, disregarding behavior patterns). When we confirm our love back to ourselves through self-love (being more gentle, honoring how we feel and responding to the body’s cues) our body loves us back and becomes vibrant, strong and heals.
Thank you Johanne for the gentle reminder that understanding, self-acceptance and self-love are the true medicine rather than always focusing on and trying to fix the problem.
That article reminds me that it is imported to have a look at the whole person and its whole life for healing.
I love what you present Sue; it is only when we treat the cause rather than the symptom can we start to heal
Yes this is such a simple formula – treat the cause first and life will change around us.
Beautifully and simply said Oliver and Danielle.
Hi Sue,
I was a nail biter also for most of my life. Like you I tried many avenues to stop, and always loathed my nails and how they looked. Funny though that I just naturally stopped this habit as I began to be more loving with myself, also inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon. Now I have gorgeous nails, to match the rest of me.
A lovely prompt to give ourselves the loving grace to look beyond the superficial symptoms (biting nails in this case) and see what is really going on. Thank you.
Thank you Sue for your sharing and the realisations you had with regards to your nail biting. It gives me clearer understanding and a better approach to support someone I know who bites nails too.
Old habits indeed die gently. The habits die with conscious presence, stop moments and feeling what is going on and what it is about. With one of my habits I can have several stop moments in the day. I used to get annoyed or bully myself. I have noticed that gentlenes and mildness are far more supportive to make the habit leave my body.
Thank you for sharing this Sue. I am inspired by what you have written to look more deeply into the issues of self-loathing, lack of self-love and anger turned inwards you experienced. Maybe then I can stop ‘eating myself’ too!
Beautiful to read from these comments how so many various old habits die gently when we treat ourselves with love and appreciation.
Sue, your story is one fine example of modern medicine/therapies where trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause is the norm. The enriching power of self loving lifestyle habits and choices (as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine) which you adopted speak for themselves as displayed by the amazing turnaround of your lifelong habit.
It has been my observation that miracles can and do happen all the time when we apply small and big doses alike of self-care and self-love. Thank-you Sue for your article.
Dear Sue,
Reading your blog is so very insightful. I have never been a nail biter, I have however been a picker and a scratcher. I have noticed that I was a picker to numb myself from my life. Both of these habits I have mostly stopped now, it is only occasionally that I pick now and if I start to get itchy then it is generally something that I have eaten that is affecting my body. Like you these habits have fallen by the wayside, they were not something that I set out to stop or cure, they have simply stopped as I choose to love myself more and more each day, a way of living that has been inspired in my by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the support of Esoteric practitioners.
I’ve also picked at my skin, mostly my face for over 20 years… very much like what you and Sue have shared, finding myself doing it without even being aware. I had low self worth so picked at myself constantly as in picking to pieces anything I thought was wrong or bad with myself, which played out with physically picking at my face. Much like going to the fridge over and over again. Once I started introducing gentleness into my day and with myself, it has definitely decreased and I am now very aware to stop and feel what is going on if I start to pick.
Oh Sue – Great you join your hands with us (and God) again. For me, your biting nails story is a absolut beautiful example for how we hold back to commit in life. With not really looking after ourselves we can not bring ourselves (in full) into this world. We are holding back in hand-le life.
This is so lovely to read Sue. By loving ourselves it is so easy to simply stop self harming behaviours.
Wow Sue on reading this, I felt you could of written this about me. I have had the exact same experience. On doing the courses, and seeing esoteric practitioners I just stopped biting my nails, loving myself just came natural! Amazing (I am) !
When we like ourselves more, we naturally treat ourselves better. How wonderful you have been shown how simple this act is.
And how simply you have describe this important truth Gail. Beautiful.
I find it so interesting the ways in which we disregard ourselves, and how this disregard manifests in the body in different ways for everyone. Thank you, Sue, for sharing your path and your journey out of it.
Robyn I know – what I found was a number of months without biting my nails and taking care of myself – then when I get caught up I end up biting them again. So its a great sign for how I am with myself and a reminder of whats going on. It now feels so horrible when I catch that I’ve just bitten them – it feels like I’ve damaged and harmed myself. A feeling I never thought would have been the case from “simply” biting my nails.
Lovely to read that you are no longer eating yourself Sue, I also had various habits die gently with no real stress thanks to a bit of the old TLC towards self and being more able to see things for what they are.
Sue yours is an amazing transformation, and yet another reminder that giving ourselves the loving attention that we both need and deserve can easily dissolve the self-loathing and thoughts behinds self-destructive behaviours.
That is beautiful Sue. We can distract ourselves and try to push through when treating the symptoms but true healing comes from a deeper place.
Thank you Sue Q, what I can relate to in your article is the reasons behind why we’ve held a habit for so long and how they can be something as hurtful as not loving ourselves or as you say feeling more safety in being angry with yourself.. It feels to me like the behaviour has carried on for so many years and we can turn to it for its seeming comfortability however it never feels comfortable at all to not choose what is loving.
So true Cherise. Nail biting was my ‘comfort blanket’, yet it never felt comfortable! How crazy is that? Deep appreciation to all in Universal Medicine for enabling me to see and feel the truth and allow my habit, alongside a few others, to gently fade away.
I love this blog Sue, I can feel the intensity that we can often hurt ourselves with be it in whatever form or manner we choose, then the gentleness, self care and honouring when we choose to love ourselves deeply.
Beautifully said Gyl.
Wow, so perhaps the cause of why we have these ‘unexplainable’ patterns and behaviours is actually because of how we choose to live, and thus the actual answer requires more responsibility in how we choose to live? Very clear example here Sue, you spent 50 years looking for the cure yet you had the answer within all along.
Well said Joshua! And love what you shared Sue and how simple it is (though not always easy, it is really simple)…
Joshua, what you say is so true. Any time I look outside of myself for someone or something to fix an issue I may have nothing sticks. But when I am more responsible in how I live that’s when miracles happen.
Karin I can completely relate to that, the miracles happen when I am more responsible in the way I live, the deeper I get with these responsibilities the more beauitful changes takes place and things become simpler.
A beautiful transformation without a bandaid fix-it. Thank you for showing us how developing true self love, care and nurturing can be deeply transformational.
It is indeed so lovely to hear how dropping the solutions and the trying allows for a much deeper acceptance and self-care to naturally emerge.
Thank you Sue for sharing your experience, it’s amazing that when we re-connect back to ourselves how our unwanted behaviours drop away without even trying to give up or stop them. A big thanks to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine for assisting us with this reconnection.
Thomas I can relate to that, it is true “when we re-connect back to ourselves our unwanted behaviours drop away without having to give them up or stop them”. I have surprised myself in behaviours that have just dropped off, and when I reflect back they were so ingrained in me, I would not have even known how to start. But thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it has been possible.
Hi Amita and Thomas, that is exactly how it is – it’s easy to let totally ingrained behaviours go when we allow ourselves to find the root cause, and heal that. And Serge and Universal Medicine are such amazing facilitators for true healing and true change.
So true Thomas and I love the line “It’s amazing that when we re-connect back to ourselves how our unwanted behaviours drop away without even trying to give up or stop them”. I have been amazed and delighted how this is happened for me as well, and like you I have heartfelt appreciation for Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine team for presenting the wisdom and the tools to make this re-connection back to me possible..
Yes, when we connect to our selves In a true way and begin to feel more, we easily let go and it is a Joy rather than a discipline. We can feel and begin to discern what is hurting us and what is loving for us.
Not having been a nail biter I haven’t experienced what you have been through Sue. I have known a few women in my family who have been nail biters and it almost seems like an addiction to me. Having observed when it seems to occur my feeling is that it is an anxiety related issue. It seems that you were able to start the healing process by connecting to yourself in a loving way Sue and not focusing on the nails but on loving yourself. Enjoy your nails!
Sue the power of self-love is incredible isn’t it?
The key is in this simple statement ‘I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause’
When we are not self-loving there is a core reason. Exposing this can bring us such an opportunity to truly heal.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Sue – I too have discovered that things change when we change the way we are with ourselves.
Look at yourself each morning in the mirror, and ask yourself, could I live with that person looking back at me from the mirror. If the answer is a definite NO, there is a good starting point to make changes, bit by bit.
Thankyou for sharing your story, it helps to understand more about nail-biting and what lays behind. IT is amazing how self-love is such a live-changing ingrediant.
Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who offers a practical way to bring self-love to your live.
I just really like the way you show that your nail-biting was a symptom, and how by dealing the underlying issues the nail-biting disappeared. This is such a clear example to illustrate what can be a rather theoretical concept. Isn’t it also beautiful how you didn’t focus on the nail-biting as you embarked on self-love (by not judging yourself and your behaviours) and so it actually made it easier for it to drop away. Very confirming blog.
Thank you for sharing Sue, That lack of self worth affects a lot of us and comes out in different ways for each of us. Self love is a powerful way to heal lack of self worth, and for those who don’t know where to start I recommend Universal Medicine.
Old habits do take a long time to leave us. We are set many tasks in this life that we think we cannot cope with. Once one becomes aware of what is making us do certain things, our lives will change dramatically, and we will come home to who we really are.
So true Mike. I know that once I discover the truth about how and why i do something it is so much easier to make a healing change.
This is a great practical blog about what true self care actually is, and simple steps to re-connect to it. It’s not a mysterious nurturing thing that only breast feeding women can do. I’m just discovering what self care can look like around different groups
I have become aware that when things are very turbulent and challenging in life, I always go to my left little finger and bite off that nail. I can see now that this is a huge pattern and it was great to become aware of it again this week.
A great testament to the fact that if we get back in our own driving seats we can change anything…even the most dogged habits. Thank you, Sue.
Thanks Susie, there are so many ways that we our own lack of self love can manifest. Its amazing how clever we are at either hiding or only focusing on these symptoms to pretending nothing deeper is going on.
Thank you Sue. A seemingly simple habit can reveal a lot to us but it takes a certain level of honesty to be willing to see what is really going on underneath it all. So your story is very inspiring!
Wow, this is gorgeous Sue. Your nails are testament to so much more than just a change in your behaviour… The way you have transformed your entire relationship with yourself is inspiring; and this is something that is definitely worth celebrating – especially every time you paint your nails!
Reflecting on this topic I notice that when ever I bite my nails it is because I have over-ridden the feeling to cut them – they seem to reach a point of growth that becomes : “that’s long enough, now trim me!” The anxiety is there from ignoring the impulse and this is compounded by biting because I’m wary of going too far and having sore fingertips as a result.
I love this Greg. I’ve gone looking for the nail clippers.
Awesome Sue! Such a great story about your journey. Who would have thought that there is something deeply profound and healing in simply loving yourself. So simple, and yet we look everywhere else for the answer.
Sue that is a miracle. After 50 years of nail biting to stop within a couple of months, no medicine other than loving yourself. This is front page news. And loving yourself doesn’t cost anything either so anyone can afford it plus it is 100% effective in truly improving your life.
I absolutely love the title of your blog Sue, Old Habits Die Gently. So true! I’ve found with my own experiences that the most lasting way to change a behaviour is to gently understand WHY we keep doing these things, rather than determinedly try to stop it or cover it up.
Yes gentleness and tenderness is the way. Reminds me of an old story where the wind and the sun competed to see who could get a man to take off his coat. The wind blew and blew hard, but the man just wrapped his coat closer around him. The sun then took his turn and beamed warmth. The man felt hot – and then gently slipped off his coat. No push, no drive.
What a lovely story of how making self loving choices can make such a huge change in ones life.
A great demonstration of how treating the symptom (nail biting in this instance) doesn’t bring any lasting effect but that we need to get support to find and address the root problem and then make different choices.
This also prevents the cruel self admonishment when we fail to curb our habits, and allows an understanding and tenderness when we come to the causes of our ‘symptoms’.
So true Kristy, we all have our little mechanisms that we use when we are anxious or don’t want to feel something. Thanks Sue, it is amazing how this habit naturally dropped away as you re-connected to you.
Yes Kristy and Marcia, This is what I have been reflecting on through reading this article. I have a sense that I have little habits that I automatically go into to stop feeling something that I don’t want to feel. I chewed my nails when I was younger and then I think this was replaced with chewing my inner cheek and this only stopped after attending Universal Medicine workshops and introducing more gentleness and self love into my life. Yes, I think there is more subtle ways I would do this now, more to ponder on.
… a great reminder Sue, to treat the cause, not just the symptoms.
Thank you Sue for sharing this story. It is lovely to see the power of true healing and note that when we address only the symptoms there is often no change, or if there is a change, a new symptom or behaviour will emerge from the underlying issue that hasn’t been dealt with.
Thankyou for sharing your unfolding Sue I am inspired by your experience with the ending of such a debilitating habit. I remember all through school I bit my nails too, I can’t remember how I dropped the habit but since I have read your blog it is something I feel to ponder on.
So lovely to feel how you have reclaimed you. It’s amazing how hard we can be on ourselves when we live in a less than loving way. What you share is the power of self-love and how by truly caring, nurturing and loving yourself life can change in so many ways.
Wow, you raise an interesting point. I have a similar issue. I have been picking my nose for 37 years now. It started when I was very depressed and didn’t want to face life anymore. So I hid myself by constantly having my finger in my nose. I also tried lots of things to stop it afterwards but that didn’t help. It is like an automatic movement like walking. The only moments so far when I was ‘nose-picking free’ was at the courses of Universal Medicine or other group sessions, where I would be 24/7 around people. What was and is the key: conscious presence and awareness of me in my body. And the deepening of my self care and that includes care of my nose. That also my nose deserves love and care. So to be truly honest, I am still having this pattern, I can feel that it is very unloving for my nose and I am by your blog Sue inspired to feel the deeper levels of the why of this pattern. So, to be continued
It’s amazing how as we become more self aware, harming behaviours that before were so hard to give up suddenly just drop away. I would never before have considered giving up drinking, and found sugary treats impossible to resist for long, but having become more self aware and more caring of myself with how I feel I am finding all these harming choices start to disappear out of my life.
By flagging up how one ‘little’ habit can show us so much about how we choose to relate to ourselves and life, you have offered the opportunity to look at all the ‘little’ things we do out of habit, that actually indicate a way of life that is not supportive, nurturing or truly sustainable. Thank you.
I was totally with you when I read your blog, Sue. I too have had a lifetime battle with biting my nails and thanks to Universal Medicine, as I began to allow myself to feel my own beauty and show myself some tenderness, the habit has subsided. It’s quite novel to have to cut my nails. I so enjoy looking at my hands now, with or without nail polish, as a marker of where I am now compared to where I was, when I would hide my hands in shame.
you’ve made some amazing changes to your life Sue and it sounds like it is paying off in more ways than one.
Sue it is really inspiring that your long time habit vanished without you even trying to stop it once you focussed on self love. Thank you so much for the sharing.
Self-love is the antibiotic to self-harming habits.
So true Alex – I would much rather have a natural healthy dose of my own self-loving any day over a manufactured antibiotic fix me up pill.
Yes very true self-love is natural and healthy. Thank you Alex and Marcia.
This is one of the gifts Serge Benahyon and Universal Medicine have given me, the ability to feel what is underneath the symptoms, and how recognising the emotional energy held in the body is a key to finding the cause and healing the symptoms. My childhood habit of sucking my thumb until I was thirteen hid a multitude of buried and unexpressed emotions that neither I nor my parents guessed or knew. Now I can recognise it for what it was, and deal with those needy, empty feelngs as they come up, and instead of seeking comfort in some other form than my thumb, I can connect with the love inside myself and no longer want something from outside to fulfill me. This is an ongoing journey, and is never over, as I often fall back into the old habit, and there is ever more to unfold.
The power of self love, introduced by Universal medicine, is clearly demonstrated from you breaking the self loathing habit of nail biting for 50 yrs. That is a miracle indeed!
So inspiring for others who may have similar self abusive habits.
I love the simplicity that this article so accurately demonstrates, of how returning to self love actually affects all areas of our life. The simplest smallest little aggravating habits that we put up with …but they are so hurtful to us, cause we see them, notice them, hide them, are confused by them. Returning to self love is returning to the ‘true me’ as Sue so beautifully wrote.
Great insight into how most of our habits that we want to stop because we know they are not good for us on one level but we find them difficult to stop because there is something else deeper driving them to continue.
I agree Andrew, I’ve got some habits that keep creeping in when I’m not looking. Time to dig a little deeper!
I also found this, although one habit is spoken of, it translates to the multitude of ‘bad habits’ that we have and making us stop and think… is there more to this habit?
It is amazing how once we develop self love our old behaviours can just disappear. I have no recall how I stopped drinking alcohol or biting my nails. What I do know is I started to reconnect with myself and was able to be more loving towards me.
Thank you Sue.
Yes, old habits die gently. My oldest habit is that if anything does not feel harmonious the program that automatically starts to run inside of me is: “I must have done something wrong” – and then I start to blame and beat myself for being false. In most cases there is not even anything there that is wrong and only this automatic program makes the situations really tense – at least for me.
Since letting myself be inspired from what Serge Benhayon is presenting through Universal Medicine, I have gradually started to accept myself and make more loving choices towards myself. I can now feel again that deep inside of me I love myself and my body and slowly but with consistency the old automatic program is gently fading away.
This has made a huge difference in my life.
This blaming and’ I’ve done something wrong’ is very recognizable, it makes the situation actually worse and from there another habit can be developed. Quite a hamster wheel….
And yes, only with consistent loving choices the habit can just go to never come back.
I love this “I became more aware of how I moved about in my daily life and began a gentle daily walk.” Thanks for sharing this is such a great way to reconnect to ourselves, at work I am required to take a particular flight of stairs everyday, they are an opportunity for ‘gentle return’ which really helps to stay connected.
When we try a program to quit a bad habit without addressing the root cause, usually makes the habit come back even harder or the bad habit comes out in another way. Awesome how the 50 year old nail biting habit just fell away without trying to directly address the nail biting!
Well said Marshall, who said old dogs can not learn new tricks.
ha ha great title and I had a giggle reading this as I too used to bite my nails for most of my life and also pick at the cuticles which were always sore. It reminded me how forever I had 3 goals in my life 1) stop biting my nails, 2) lose weight 3) stop smoking – I could never manage all three at once. Since I started attending Universal Medicine events all three just stopped naturally, I didn’t even try anymore. I lost 35 kg to become my perfect healthy weight and long since stopped biting my nails and smoking. I only remembered about the nail biting reading your blog. I hadn’t even thought about it, but yes I agree with you – becoming much more self-loving I just wouldn’t want to abuse myself in that way.
yes Nicole it actually doesn’t seem possible or even in the radar of being able to hurt yourself like biting your nails when we bring self-love into our way of being.
Hi Sue,
I never really bit my nails, but when I do it, mostly it starts unconsciously because of some frustration that is not expressed. It has indeed a feeling of anger in it!
Thanks for sharing!
Yes, old habits do die gently, I have noticed that when some big hurt is there to feel or I have been really touched by something, or when I don’t speak up and say what I want to say, I can still go back to my nails, and especially my little fingers, they are a big target. It has to do with frustration and anger towards myself. It is great to know and observe in which moments I do this so I can learn from it.
True revelation what you share here with us : I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.
Thank you.
Thank you so much Sue, I have been biting my nails for over 7 years now. I have been trying and trying to stop – each time telling myself to stop – but the fury and frustration towards myself seemingly did not end – so did not my nail biting. It became less, but still I have times where I do start biting again. Like a deep pushed away feeling is coming up and then I will bite it away in order to not feel it.. Truly great to feel and see your experience. I will take this in my day. And I will start feeling more of how I feel at the moment when I am biting my nails and being aware that. I should no longer abuse myself through biting my nails – which is actually biting myself. We are way too good for that!
Awesome sharing Danna, I am touched by your honesty.
Thanks Sue. Chronic nail biting is still commonly treated as just a ‘bad habit’ and I have never heard of it being considered in the way you have described. You have given me a whole new way to understand that nail biting and other similar behaviours is actually symbolic of self rejection, in all its various guises.
Thank you dearly Sue your experience is very inspiring. Saying good bye to the 50year habit of biting your nails is amazing… nothing short of a miracle! Self-love is a very powerful choice and as we see by your lived experience after trying many other things self-love was the answer and is what supported you to heal the underlying cause of your nail-biting habit. You are truly awesome!
I can relate to everything you have shared Sue. I too have been biting my nails since the same age. At 41 years old, and four years knowing Universal Medicine I am naturally losing the urge to bite my nails. The more I get to know me and spend time with me the more I let go of such behaviours to attack myself.
Thank you for your open and honest blog Sue. Since I visit courses and workshops from Universal Medicine I also experienced some of these ‘miracles’. For example: In the past I was a ‘chocoholic’. I ate a whole bar of chocolate every single day – within less than 5 minutes! I couldn´t stop it. I tried everything. A few weeks after my first contact with Universal Medicine I realized that all of a sudden I have stopped it. That´s more than 5 years ago now and chocolate is still no longer part of my life. It just disappeared as soon as I re-discovered my self-worth and introduced more self-loving choices into my life.
“Universal Medicine – Serge Benhayon – The Way of the Livingness – its the only way,” as Lisa commented. There are so many quick fix solutions out there, and a huge demand for them. However, as so many of us have found, accepting self-responsibility and developing self-love enables many old habits to gently dissolve away.
Awesome Sue, evidently you have healed the angst inside that led you to biting your nails. Universal Medicine – Serge Benhayon – The Way of the Livingness – its the only way.
This was a habit that I had from a very young age as well, I saw my younger brother doing it one day then I started. I actually use to blame him and say it was his fault that I bite my nails as I saw him doing it. But blaming my brother did not help me with my habit, I was the one choosing to do it everyday.
When I was 13 I was introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, we lived 13 hours away from where the courses where held so every now we would travel south and then I would get more of a taste of what Universal Medicine was about. Then one day I stopped biting my nails, I remember that it was the first day of a relationship for me with a young boy but it was not for this reason I stopped… I don’t think… I never even made the conscious choice to stop… I just did, no trying, just from that day onwards the habit was no longer a habit.
I am now 17 and I always have beautiful long, strong nails that sometimes people ask me if they are real because they didn’t expect real nails to look so perfect and great.
So I understand exactly how this miracle feels, thank you for sharing your experience! So many people know this habit so well!
Wow Sue this is an awesome piece of writing about how a disturbing habit, which might seem trivial to some, just fell away without trying to make it. This speaks deeply to me about so many little ways I choose to ‘(b)eat myself up’ rather than be self loving and how being introduced to what self loving really meant through Universal Medicine, they are in the process of falling away and this needs to be celebrated!
I have been a nail biter since childhood and my adult children are also nail biters. I have felt for some time that the energy behind nail biting is of self-loathing and a need to punish. I also used to pick and scratch parts of my body until they bled. This inner self loathing is the reason that quick fix solutions do not ever work, as the root cause is not addressed. After hearing Serge Benhayon present about gentleness and self love I have also noticed that I am far from these behaviors now. It is amazing to have changed from self-harm to self-love. Truly worth celebrating.
A great Sharing Sue on how when we choose to love and truly care for ourselves habits or behaviours that are harming or maybe just no longer support us, naturally drop away.
Wow Sue, thanks for sharing this awesome blog. As soon as I saw biting my nails- old habits die gently, I knew this article was one not to be missed.
I too grew up biting my nails to the point that I would have long strips of skin between my knuckle and nails raw and exposed from me having my nails constantly in my mouth, biting and then unconsciously chewing/pulling off the skin. Ah, even just reflecting and writing about this, I can feel how much I was hurting myself. What’s crazy, as when I was in this, I didn’t think I had a problem. Yes they hurt, but they were not too bad, considering some other people’s I saw (so I kept telling myself)
Like you, I tried a bit of everything, nail creams, nail polish, and some disgusting thing that tasted horrible (but somehow stopped getting put on, or I figured out a way to rub it off).
Anxiety has been a big thing for me and I can see how strongly my nail biting came into play especially when I was anxious.
In 2012 I was introduced to the work of Universal Medicine, and became more aware of my body, the way I had been living and the constant momentum I seemed to be in.
I began to start feeling hurts that I had been hiding so deep inside of me for so long, speaking up about these and talking with practitioners and a dear friend. Through this I feel I also became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had told myself/convinced myself I was from childhood.
As you shared so beautifully, I also noticed how I began to feel so much ‘better about and even like myself, something unheard of for as long as I could remember’
It was then one day with my mum where we were sitting down and I looked at my hands and almost cried. For the first time that I could remember I had grown nails. Not just a little bit, but to the point that I could now file them and paint them and tickle my own self 🙂 I was truly blown away- and knew then that whatever I was doing, my body was grateful/ thankful and slowly letting go of the huge ball of anxiety within me.
Reading your article this morning, has asked me to look down and feel how my fingers are today. How present have I been lately and how are my fingers/nails? Honestly, I can see that I have been hard on myself lately. No I haven’t been chewing them, or eating them raw- I feel strongly that this is a habit that no longer feels apart of me, but I do recognise that the care and nurturing that I have to still give myself and especially these precious little fingers is still open- can feel I have an opportunity to continually develop and connect to this. Thank you again for your sharing.
I am looking forward to bringing in more gentle rhythms and deepening my appreciation of me.
Hi sue,
Thank you so much for such an honest account of your nail biting issue
To think of nail biting as turning on oneself as opposed to turning on the world was awesome to relate to.
I have never been able to express my anger and frustration outside myself either but too have found self harming ways to take it out on myself
Very powerful blog and very powerful modalities under the banner of Universal Medicine that bring a level of self care into the mix that I, like you, as well as all, need within our daily lives.
This is beautiful to share as so many of us bit our nails especially when young and do other harmful things to our bodies and try everything to stop whilst unaware of the real reasons why. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon presenting the truths of our self loathing and unworthiness and the underlying tension we feel and hold in life that we can really start to change and heal and love ourselves. It is in the little details that we can make loving choices to start to appreciate ourselves to truly change our lives and how we live.
Serge Benhayon is a real man and a real inspiration for us all to live who we truly are.
You are living proof that Increasing our self-love and self-care really underpins true change and healing. It seems like an amazing blessing to have found Universal Medicine and turned your old habit around after such a long despairing search. A fantastic story.
Wunderbare Sue thank you so much to share something so openly what you try to hide for such a long time. You are for me an amazing role model to feel that self love and self care is important and that trying to find a solution can not work. With the love and understanding to ourself we can easily address what is the root cause and so let go of it.
Sue I can relate to trying to address the symptoms not the root cause of a physical issue. I too tried all sorts of spiritual healing and alternative medicine in my attempt to fix my health issues. It was not until I found Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and began embracing caring and loving myself did I uncover the root cause of being unwell.
a gorgeous blog Sue — showing how effortlessly and easily an unhealthy habit can stop when we lovingly address the cause and not just treat the symptoms.
Sue, it’s much appreciated that you share on a subject that some people would consider trivial. But it’s not trivial at all for someone affected, and it’s way not trivial at all when they are able to reclaim themselves with love, as you have done with the assistance of Serge Benhayon. I had a minor habit go away by itself since learning a new way of living from Serge – leg jiggling. It seems to be a family trait in response to constant inner tension. I did not even notice that it has been gone for quite a while until I read your article! However I HAVE noticed the greatly reduced tension and anxiety in my body.
It is beautiful how just by choosing a gentle rhythm and honouring your body that something that you had done for so many years just stopped without you even focusing on it.
Dear Sue, you have described in your words what has also been my experience and that of thousands of others. By gradually becoming more self loving, which basically means making more loving choices on behalf of ourselves, our ‘self’ becomes truer and fuller. That truer, fuller self then naturally discards that which does not belong to it and hey presto behaviours that we have harboured for years drop away with no trying what so ever ! How magical is that x
While I might not directly nail bite, your sharing has bought awareness to what I do and don’t do to my nails. If they chip etc. I can be a little slow to respond and have found at times the chewing technique is employed to do something the nail file is so much better equipped to do. I can feel that lack of self-care that I’ll go to a quick fix in a moment of frustration because I’ve put off taking a few steps to pick up the nail file.
Agree Katie, the only real way to address anything is to get to the real cause-
I love how she has learned a way forward to deal with her nail biting – which was never about the nails being tasty, but actually about Her anger – fascinating.
Hi Sue -Thank you for your article. I now have a clearer understanding why my little brother chewed his nails all those years ago – and yes, there was foul tasting stuff painted on his nails, sometimes it was purple and stained his mouth. I could see when you said that it was easier to ‘eat yourself’ than exhibit anger outwardly. I trust that such loving awareness will be at the finger tips (pun intended )of parents and the early intervention classes in the education system one day.
This is a great example of how simply we can let go of harmful old patterns by not trying, but by choosing to be more self-loving and present with ourselves
Giving more focus and attention to being present, gentle and loving to yourself pushes out the bad thoughts and habits. As your day is filled with much more supportive behaviours there is no focus on the negative, so simple.
Another beautiful example of how a life can be changed when another sees us for the divine being that we are, not the behaviours that we are currently expressing.
It was also life changing for me the first time that I had a session with Serge Benhayon. He was able to see me as an equal, as already amazing. This was the first time that I remember feeling this reflection from another.
From this foundation of love and true connection, we were able to talk about what I had been doing that had not been loving and supporting me. He had inspired me to be more self-loving, that I was worth it and, by the way that he already lived, that it was all quite simple to do.
I continue to be inspired by Serge Benhayon and the work presented by Universal Medicine, and continue to return back to the amazing being that I always have been.
Now through the way I live and express, I am able to see the divine in everyone else that I meet and, more often than not, inspire them to be more self-loving with themselves.
Our Mums obviously went to the same ‘fix the nail biting’ school! I also continued to bite my nails despite the taste of the foul nail polish. Just like any drug or behaviour, the feeling of relief gained by the nail biting was worth more than any down side of the taste. I did manage to stop for the most part as a kid but I simply replace the anxiousness reliever with other more socially acceptable methods. It is so common for women especially to try to swallow their anger. We get so many messages about being a ‘good girl’ and not becoming angry. Over time it becomes almost impossible to even feel the anger because we get so good at burying it quickly. It is wonderful that with the help of Universal Medicine you have finally gotten to the root cause of your nail-biting and discovered self-love.
This is a great exposure of something that is seen as harmless to many but underneath lies a whole different story.
This is such a lovely blog, thank you Sue Q. I love how you say ‘old habits die gently’ this gives space for things to change naturally and in their own time, rather than the quick fix we so readily go for.
Old habits dying gently can be the reality for everyone … no more doomed resolutions, failed ‘solutions’, simply the nurturing of the love inside us. Thanks Sue.
Helen your comment stopped me in my ‘blog reading’ tracks. No more failure, disillusionment, trying to get it right (to bite or not to bite), simply the ‘nurturing of love inside us’. Our primary loving relationship which patiently awaits.
Absolutely Helen…and whilst we may not bite our nails, what other behaviours do we use that do not belong which may equally fall away by ‘nurturing the love inside us’?
wonderful Sue your blog just goes to show that we need not seek for solutions to cure the symptoms but look within and get to the root cause of undesirable habits. There is more to it then the eye or mind can see!
Very true Carolien. Solutions have never ever worked. They can only ever bring temporary relief, meanwhile what is causing it all runs unchecked and creates more and seemingly unrelated outer symptoms.
Sue, I have recently experienced the same thing. I had always bitten my nails, not severely but enough to make them look a little unattractive in my eyes. Recently I noticed they were growing more and hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t biting them but I figured I must have stopped. I haven’t put it down to anything other than starting to express a more loving relationship with myself. I have also recently felt a deep beauty within as a woman and now knowing this beauty I feel less anxious about who I am. I have also felt the deep loathing and consequent punishment I dished out to myself. It make sense when you say you “literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”. Thanks Universal Medicine for supporting me to come back to feel the lovely woman I am.
I can so relate to this blog. I have always bitten my nails over the years, and it was only since I started taking better care of myself – better sleep rhythms, better diet, more care with the way I went about life – that this habit has no longer been so dominant. Over the years, as I have learnt to develop a more honest relationship with anxiety, it no longer has the control on my life it once did, and this shows these days in the fact that often I look down at my nails and realise that they need to be cut. They never used to get long enough to need cutting.
What I love about Serge Benhayon’s teachings is that “Everything Matters”. Right down to if we bite our nails or not. Thank you for sharing the awareness you have gained from this experience.
There are millions of ‘solutions’ out there for us to try and buy and yet nothing changes for they do not offer the true answers – awareness and love. Most are offered for relief or a ‘quick-fix’ and even if the symptom stops another one will soon pop up again for the underlying cause has not been addressed – a cause which is always from within. How revolutionary that we each hold the key to our own healing and well-being through self-care, self-love and self-nurturing. This has been presented to us throughout the ages from many wise teachers – and we have one directly in our midst right now in Serge Benhayon and the glorious living reflections from those who are walking the way of their Soul – the Way of the Livingness.
As you say Sarah, there are so many solutions out there. I found years ago, when I did manage to stop my nail biting for a short while, I then manifested other symptoms as a replacement. I hadn’t got to the root of the problem. Maybe a similar thing happens with dieting? The weight doesn’t stay off for long because the root of the reason for becoming overweight has not been addressed? Yes, we “each hold the key to our own healing and well-being through self-care, self-love and self-nurturing.” I am forever grateful for the inspiration I receive from Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners and students who are returning back to love.
Lovely sharing Sue, its amazing how something seemingly so small as nail biting can be masking such deep and toxic feelings. Everything is a reflection and even the smallest things and parts of our life can be explored as an indicator of what is really happening underneath. If we are short with people on the phone, is this masking some frustration within ourselves? If I find it difficult to tend to my house and let dishes and laundry start to pile up regularly, is there a lack of self worth festering? All of these things, including illnesses, are sacred messages to us to help us go deeper into our own healing so that we can bring more of ourselves to the world.
This is so true and as I have recently been honest about with myself using food to cover up what I don’t want to feel.
I love your heading “old habits die gently”. How true, I too have gently deceased some old habits by “growing self love” and making this how I live.
An inspiring blog Sue. Its amazing how the unloving choices we make will manifest in the body, and how habits of a life time can disappear after changing ones daily rhythm and making more loving choices.
This is beautiful to read, Sue and I can relate a lot to what you have written. I too used to bite my nails since being very young and had tried many things to attempt to stop. In early 2000 when I was 21, I had a major stop in my life via several life events that occurred at the time. I really did stop, and reconnected to myself so much so, that the drastic change at the time, felt like I was suddenly too sensitive to be in the world (not actually true but it felt like it at that time). The great thing at that time was that without trying all of these habits I had came to a complete stop. Biting my nails, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and eating sugar – all of these I could no longer do and without trying. I just didn’t do any of them anymore and when I went to try to bite my nails or light a cigarette, I just couldn’t do it. It was a revelation to me but one that has remained since then.
Thank you Sue. I am still nail biting. Not as much as I did before, but especially when I didn’t take good care of me I go into nail biting. I’ve never related it to inward anger. Something that I am learning to be honest about. This blog inspires being (more) honest. Thank you Sue.
Just a gorgeous blog. Thank you.
Sue, what a great blog! Such a tidy example of how dealing with the root cause of any health concern or habit is the way – and in the mean time learning to love yourself – how awesome! Universal Medicine really blasts the symptom fixing medical mentality out of the water.
Yes Gemma, as you say, dealing with the root cause of any health concern or habit is the way’ rather than the fixing the symptom which is only ever a short-term solution.
Amazing – truly understanding why we do something apparently unexplainable and being set free to kick a life-long habit. Thank you, this is very inspiring.
Wow just what I needed. I have been ‘trying’ to stop biting my nails for as long as I can remember. I have been feeling into the reasons for this lately and I feel it’s a way of checking out and making myself less. It’s beautiful and supportive to hear your story, thank you.
Sue,
This blog was so sweet, it reminded me that I had also bitten my fingernails from an early age. When I recalled, I had stopped biting
them at about 12 as a girl in my class had beautiful fingernails, and I wanted to have lovely fingernails as well.
It was a loving choice that I made, although at times when I was anxious I would start to bit the sides of them. This is something that can still happen.
It is truly amazing how loving oneself brings such wonderful changes from within out – thank you Sue for sharing,
Reading your blog Sue has been so timely as I recently reverted back to chewing my nails. So thank you for sharing your journey as it had been a loving stop for me.
Awesome blog Sue! There was a point that you made that made me realise we can take anger out on ourselves, and made me think about the ways that I do that to myself. Thanks for the chance to ponder on this!
Same same…. After attending sessions/courses with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners I stopped biting my nails after 25 years of biting until my fingers bled. Also without trying, it just didn’t fit anymore.
Same same – so many of us have found the same, as we return to loving ourselves and deep self-nurturing, our old nervous habits just dissolve away. Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon for his constant inspiration so that we can choose to come back to who we truly are – amazing, loving beings.
similar similar :)) – I used to take staples out of paper at work with my fingers and this would damage my nails. After a Sacred Esoteric Healing course a few years ago I found myself naturally with more regard for my body looking for a stapler.
A beautiful blog, Sue. I love how the habit died along the loving way you chose for yourself….true change. Thank you.
Absolutely agree with you Peta. What a beautiful and true proces of stopping nailbiting. An evolutionary article, thank you for sharing your story.
Lovely blog Sue. Quite amazing that after 50 years of nail biting without intentionally setting out to ‘fix’ this habit it dropped away when you connected to a loving and caring way with yourself. A mini miracle ;), very inspiring.
Awesome blog! I never equated nail biting with turning anger inwards, but tended to think of it as a ‘nervous’ habit (I liked your reference to “nail-biting TV programme”!…I don’t bite my nails but I know a few people that bite theirs, I will share the link to your blog to them and they can read it if they feel to 🙂
Hi Sue. Thank you for sharing this beautiful account of how things have changed for you. When we get to understand that trying to fix the end result will never work and it is only through the discovering of one’s true self that the healing can begin.
Well said Mick. Fixing doesn’t work – just ask any woman whether she would prefer her partner/husband to try to ‘fix’ the issues in their relationship or discover and develop the love he is and meet her in equality.
I love this sharing Sue. Although your lack of true connection with yourself and lack of self love, manifested in nail-biting, I could feel as I re read your blog, how my anxiousness has showed itself in less obvious ways like holding myself back or shrinking back so as not to be seen. The physical reminder of seeing your nails every day is more obvious and tells you it wants to be dealt with. More to ponder for me here! Thank you for the opportunity.
Yes indeed looking at the cause rather than the symptoms (the nail bite) has the lasting positive change without ever trying. I love the simplicity of the Universal Medicine teaching and the focus on the development of self love and the rest is taken care of.
and love the title of your blog – “…Old Habits Die Gently” – as opposed to”…Old Habits Die Hard”!
Thanks Sue – I can definitely relate to the futile exercise of attempting to fix the symptom without looking at the cause.
Thanks for sharing Sue. I love how you own your experience and are now filling your body with self-love.
I understand what it’s like to live with self-loathing and have lived the majority of my life abusing myself in all sorts of ways, nail biting included.
Since finding Serge, the wonderful practitioners associated with Universal Medicine and its teachings I too have turned my life around and now live with an understanding that we all have love inside us, we simply need to do what needs to be done to connect to it and let it out.
You, I and many others are the living proof.
I love it how when you spherically look at your life and rhythms as a whole, the habits which ‘die hard’ really unearth themselves into a very simple fix. Thank you so much for sharing:)
Yes, it is amazing how simple it is and how old habits, of any kind, can dissipate when we are more loving with ourselves.
A great read about self loathing and the lengths we go to numb the pain. The power of connecting and understanding the root cause is a true marker of how we can all change our ways.
So beautiful to read another story of love inspiring love. It is so interesting to read how you grew into your true, beautiful self and the old habits that kept you small, fell away. Thank you Sue.
A great example of how addressing the cause and not the symptom brings about true change. Thank you Sue Q.
Thanks for sharing Sue. How much better to come to an understanding of the root cause, than simply trying to stop an unwanted behaviour; and especially just because someone else told you to stop without helping you arrive at any understanding of why you had even started doing it in the first place.
Thank you Sue for sharing this nail-biting blog! I too used to tear and bite, not my nails, but the cuticles and skin around the nails. On occasion I still catch myself doing this, but generally it is when I am not being present with myself and thinking of other things. What I love about your blog is that it presents to us that the actual problem or issue is not the nail biting, that the nail biting actually takes care of itself provided that we can work on building up our relationship with self in a loving and supportive way. I love the simplicity of this revelation.
What a huge revelation to be able to feel that “it was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”. That is life changing.
This is all so real to me as there were numerous afflictions that controlled my daily life. Thank you Sue a pleasant reminder of my own journey to Universal Medicine and the out-play of the things I used as “unconscious habits” that have now miraculously vanished. Nervous tension and anxiousness are no longer a driving force in my life.
As a student of Universal Medicine the extra-ordinary way in which I now live is because of the presentations of Serge Benhayon.
Beautiful Sue thank you for sharing what loving supportive changes can make to our lives and way of living with the honesty it takes to go there, miracles really do happen.
Sue Q, this is so simply beautiful. The changes that you have supported yourself to make through being open to more love that you deserve is so precious. I too can relate to the hiding away of self when we perhaps don’t want others to see that we are not being so loving with ourselves – like a shame that we are making a choice (to bite, or do something else) and we desperately want to go another way but haven’t quite come to it yet. I feel the key here is tenderness with ourselves and our bodies and in as many moments as possible so to support us to ask the questions and make the choices that represent the love we really are.
Yes there was a lot of shame back then – comparison also. I love your point about tenderness being the key. There is no point in being even more hard on ourselves as that compounds the issue even further into our bodies. Accepting where we are at and being loving enables change – and for me the nailbiting just faded away, as I made those more loving choices for myself in other areas of my life.
Amazing how habits like biting nails which have been part of your life for 50 years can disappear so quickly. That is proof that it is all about energy- if you don t change the root cause, it will never stop or find another way to break through.
Since I have known Serge Benhayon I could leave many habits, which were disturbing and exhausting me, behind me. Thanks for sharing your story!
Hi Sue, I find it amazing how these unloving habits are seen as normal, just because it’s a common issue. Thank you for sharing your story; simple and inspiring.
I love to read where someone has been inspired by Serge Benhayon to make deep self loving choices for themselves and then in the process they become more aware of what is not self-love and can look to why they do it. It is an empowering place to be and one that I have thoroughly enjoyed making myself. Thank you Serge.
This is just so lovely to read. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing Sue. It is difficult to treat the symptoms and when we are not looking at the cause. You have clearly shown us that it was effortless to change old habits when you realise and understand the cause and by choosing self love.
Gorgeous Sue to hear about how by developing love for yourself, an old habit stemming from a lack of self love has easily fallen away…that is true healing.
Everywhere I was told that I am not good enough, at home, on school, at work, I could always do better, rarely I was complimented and appreciated for who I was. This resulted for me in developing a lack of self worth and the need for recognition of somebody in everything what I did, always to compensate for this shortage. I can feel that living a life in this never fulfilling way made me internally angry that I could perfectly hide from the outside world. But it had its repercussion on my body. It found its way out in all kinds of skin inconveniences, like dermatophytosis, eczema etc. I managed to live with these conditions but was at that time not able to find the true source of it. And for me the same as you Sue, after I had met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I also started to make loving choices for myself and had many healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners to assist me in this healing process. At a certain stage, the skin diseases started to disappear without me being working on them specifically. How amazing is that, that when you are developing more self-love to the body that it, as a so called by product, could let go of the deeply buried anger that was the cause of these skin issues.
Making loving choices for the whole of our bodies has such a dramatic effect – without the drama! Great to hear of your resolving of your skin issues with the support of Universal Medicine as you went deeper, treating the cause not the symptoms. Self-love is the way to go – and good medicine.
Developing self love has the power to change anything and everything and your blog opens us all up to look at what is going on underneath any issue, whether we bite our nails or not.
The nail biters’ collective – I’ve been looking for you lot.
I was a member through my childhood and teen years.
I also habitually tore the corners off the pages of books I was reading and ate them. I read a lot of books so this was a lot of paper, in hindsight I hope it was all gluten free. Sometime in my early twenties I got the understanding that I actually had a choice not to bite. And I decided not to. This sounds too simple perhaps but it was enough. All that was then needed was to just be aware when a finger was heading towards my mouth and put it into a ‘u turn’. But Sue, I love the added dimension you have brought to this subject by introducing appreciation and self care. Also Liane’s contribution about biting to not feel. The thing is, if you really FEEL what it is like to gnaw at and tear your nails, it is over as a habit. You can only do it if some part of you is absent.
So true Alan, it is indeed a lesson in presence – lack of presence causes me anxiety, anxiety makes me bite my nails. This process begins with me not wanting to feel what is there to feel and so I choose the absence. Thank you for helping to expose this simple but powerful trap.
Beautifully put Liane, lack of presence = anxiety = tension = returning to all sorts of habits, all to avoid feeling what was simply there to feel. Pretty nuts really.
I can completely relate to the whole nail biting package that you describe here Sue. I have been a nail biter my whole life and like you, have recently made similar changes to diet and lifestyle that have significantly reduced the habit. But still it lingers…why? It is not the temporal world stresses that trip me up so much now, but more a deepening in my awareness of how much I can feel EVERYTHING and how overwhelming this can feel at times. As a coping mechanism, I subconsciously bite my nails as this appears to be the outlet for the anxiety created when I choose to stop feeling and reading what is before, within and around me. I BITE MY NAILS TO NOT FEEL. Work in progress…
Thank you Sue I can totally relate to your story, my bad habit was smoking and I like you managed to overcome the habit by getting to the root cause of why I was doing it and by incorporating Universal Medicine teachings into my livingness
Awesome Sue, thank you for sharing this, it is amazing how little self love we can be walking around with until we are shown something different. I love how your blog has got to the root of the issue not merely looking at the surface symptom level.
I used to be a nail-biter too. It never occurred to me WHY I was doing this, though I tried many times to stop. After finding the Gentle Breath Meditation, attending events and seeing an Esoteric Practitioner for a short period, this ingrained habit just disappeared. There was no announcement, I just noticed one day it no longer happened. Having been someone who was absorbed by solving problems I love Sue how you highlight that “I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” in this phrase I feel you have nailed it.
Returning to self-love and self-care truly brings so many miracles, thank you Sue for your sharing.
My son who is 8 bites his nails, thank you Sue for deeping my understanding so that I can support him with this and not be a nagging mother.
Thank you Sue this has given me more understanding as to why my son bites his nails and to how I can support him.
It’s wonderful that with supporting your body and life with love you were able to get to the root cause of your nail biting.
Isn’t it amazing what can happen when we stop treating the symptom and treat the actual person. This is a true miracle.
Using ear mufflers to deal with noisy brakes is a great analogy Anne to explain treating symptoms without considering the cause. What Sue unpacks in her story is lovely as the changes were not made in order to stop nail biting rather it was a by-product and confirmation of her choices to care and honour herself.
So confirming that Self-love, self-care and self-nurturing are all spherical and they allow whole of our body to come back to our natural state and whatever is not natural drops off. As simple as that. Thank you for sharing your experience.
So inspiring Sue and how simple it felt when you started loving and caring for yourself, the ‘issue’ of nail biting just wasn’t there anymore.. treating the cause and not the symptom! I didn’t bite my nails but for the last 20+ years I have picked my face, whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed… I also now have more of an understanding of why, as I know it is when I am ‘picking’ at myself, to be something or needing to do more. When I’m just allowing myself to be, without expectations… I don’t even consider picking my face. Thank you for the very timely reminder.
Dear Sue, the support I feel, when I read your story of true healing, is so strong and heartwarming. Thanks for sharing this with us! I was especially made aware again, how comparably low priced everything is, that Universal Medicine offers. I had spent many thousands of Euros for health, not counting the amounts of money that my health problems had caused the health insurance system – society – so all of us! And a single weekend-workshop for less than 200 Euros opened space for true healing for me. After 2,5 years of being with Universal Medicine I just see my doctor for routine checks and each year I get a good payback from my insurance, because I don’t need any medication at all!
Quite true Tony. I never even thought to consider a deeper cause for symptoms when I was younger.
It is beautiful when we take responsibity for ourselves to make a change. I know as I have began to develop love for myself, I find I nurture and take care more of my body than I ever have before.
I enjoyed your simple and honest expression of a very personal part of your life. I can relate to this as I too have been a nail biter since early childhood until very recently. The more love I allow in my body the more it shows in my life. I am beginning to notice the small things that would trigger me to bite are no longer triggering me which shows that there is truth in everything you have so beautifully expressed.
I like the the truth of “Treating symptoms not the cause” as we have been doing this for such a long time, and it hasn’t worked .
Coming back to ourselves in harmony through love , connection and awareness as well as acceptance are powerful methods .
Allowing true healing of our woes /dilemmas to take place ,
thanks Sue for Sharing from a past nail biter myself giving me more understanding about this issue.
Sue, how common is it to “treat the symptom, not the cause”, it is something we have all fallen for as it is the way most GPs work. I used to use the simile with a relative that ‘he was taking medication as a solution to ease the pain of migraines, but if the disc brakes on his car were screeching would he solve the problem by putting on ear-muffs to block out the noise’! Of course not, but why give greater attention to a car when it ‘speaks’ than to one’s own body when it is crying out to be heard!! As you so beautifully describe, it is only when we are prepared to look at the root cause of our symptoms and to change the way we are living that we will truly heal.
I love your analogy Anne, but it is so true that in general we find it easy to neglect our bodies with the ignorance that medicine will just fix it afterwords, thus we have no limits to the harm we cause until we stop and really look at what we are doing to ourselves
Great analogy Anne. Doctors only have ear muffs to give us, because their training is to specialise and to treat symptoms…… They may cure us of symptoms, but heal? Esoteric medicine has enabled me to get to the screeching brakes – in this case my nailbiting – and deal with the root cause, my lack of love and tenderness for myself. The combination of both Western and Esoteric medicine is a fantastic combination for true healing.
Julie
I loved your sharing Sue, and I can say also that I had no idea about self love until meeting Serge Benhayon. A pivotal point in my life that has totally transformed how I choose to be with myself. Love is most definitely the key to a full, rich and true life.
Yes, it is amazing how we let go of old habits, without trying, once we commit to deepening our self love. Thanks for the reminder Sue, to appreciate how far I have come since being involved with Universal Medicine and the teachings of Serge Benhayon. An extraordinary ordinary man.
You can really see how powerful self-love is.
I relate to your blog Sue as I was a chewer of nails as well for years. Stress/anxiousness of life was the cause of my nail biting. I too changed the way I lived by being more gentle and loving towards myself and over time the nail biting stopped.
Wow something so common and seemly harmless, has such an underlying emotional effect … its interesting really, how many others you see biting their nails treating the symptoms, and not the cause.
It hadn’t actually occurred to me until now, as I look down on my quite long nails, that the two were linked…ie. meeting Serge Benhayon & no longer biting my nails! But it absolutely makes sense, as I can definitely attribute letting go of layers of the anxiousness and nervousness I was always in to meeting Serge and encountering the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom through Universal Medicine. I wonder how many other ‘little’ habits/behaviours I have also let go of without even noticing? Thanks for the Awareness!
Thanks Sue loved your blog for its simple truth, self love is the sign post that points to the way home.
What I got aware out of your blog Sue, is how much you tried to control something which is uncontrollable. When you started to heal through attending Universal Medicine courses and learned to be more self loving you were able to let go of control. For me letting go of the energies who are controlling us is deeply healing and freeing. Control is a killer of true love.
What is great to feel here, when we get the reflection of being love, as you told you have had with the teachings of Universal Medicine, we than have a choice again to choose differently and it only needs very simple steps, like changing food, go for a walk, but the main difference is – you are with you -again.
“Control is a killer of true love.” This is gold Kerstin, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story and great insight into nail biting- it will definitely benefit others with the same problem to look within for the cause
I can totally relate to this Sue. My nails are now strong and shiny all due to the more care I now choose to take of myself. I still actually bite a nail here and there but I am able to recognise this and look into why I may be doing it a lot better.
Hi Sue, I agree that building self-love is a powerful healer. As I have built self-love in my own life it’s amazing how old, ingrained habits just seem to fall away so naturally. It’s just amazing!
Since i started getting esoteric healing sessions my life literally changed and i started to actually get to know who the hell i was. I really had no clue before that, or I had a hint of it but i was hazy and i was still pretty lost and more obscure then the guy in the where’s wally books (that kid’s book where you have to look really hard to find this guy wally on the page who is like a spec on this really busy page, it’s really hard to find him).
So obviously esoteric healing has to be pretty damn amazing to go from being lost to really knowing who you are. I am an awesome guy but i really didn’t think that for a long time, not until i went and got some help and helping from Universal Medicine. I am not afraid to admit and acknowledge how much Serge Benhayon has helped me get to know myself. He is not a guru or anything dumb like that, just a very, very cool guy who knows his stuff. Just like if your car needs a service you want to go to a really good mechanic who cares about you but also knows cars really well and will do everything they can to make it good. That’s what Serge is like, he’s like that with people.
That is so cool Dean. It is so true, Serge is like the best people mechanic there is and he so knows how to give true service.
“Just like if your car needs a service you want to go to a really good mechanic who cares about you but also knows cars really well and will do everything they can to make it good. That’s what Serge is like, he’s like that with people.” I love this Dean. In over 50 years nothing else I tried enabled me to kick my nail biting habit, then it magically fades away when I applied self love, as inspired by Serge. Serge is definitely a cool dude.
That is just the best story Sue. So, so lovely.
I too bit my nails from an early age and tried various things to stop but nothing ever worked. Like you Sue it wasn’t until I was studying with Universal Medicine and having healing sessions that things started to change. I learned what it is to self-love rather than self-loathe which is what I’d been doing my whole life. What I particularly remember is getting some bush flower essences from Miranda Benhayon and noticing after about 2 weeks that I was no longer biting my nails or eating chocolate. I was shocked and amazed. If I do find myself having a chew on the odd nail now I know it’s asking me to look a little deeper at where I’m not being loving with myself.
What a beautiful living example of how to truly heal the underlying issue of a destructive habit or pattern of behaviour. Instead of trying to apply will and effort which only ever offers a short term solutions, Sue describes the habit falling away as she addresses her emotional issues of self-loathing. Thank you for your open and honest sharing.
I love this blog Sue. Reading it today I am struck by how it doesn’t matter how many people surround you saying don’t do something one will continue with unloving ways until we feel our true worth and not want to harm that for the world.
I have found it very painful when I feel how delicate and gorgeous I am and feel how unlovingly I have treated myself at times. Now it is time for me to no longer bury this pain with more unloving acts but to bring in the self-loving ways you so beautifully express that Universal Medicine presents.
Thank you Sue for this inspiring blog. I too have been biting my nails when I was young. It has stopped, but now and then it comes back again. Recently I noticed I was biting again, only one nail or so, but still it was there again. I became aware of the correlation between the biting and my anxiousness.
Oh whoa, Sue, the sentence:
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” … has exposed me to myself – thank you for expressing this and bringing awareness to the unconscious behind my nail-biting habit – now I can truly heal this too, instead of just dealing with the symptoms. Merci, Sue and to Universal Medicine!
Thank you Sue for this sweet little blog and reminding me of the big and small miracles that have the the effect of Universal Medicine.
Thank you Sue for expressing on this ‘habit’. It is something a lot of people relate to. I myself have chewed my nails and picked the skin around my fingers for 35 years. 35 years!! 35 years of ripping parts of my body away. Geez, talk about lack of simple respect for my body… I have in the last year begun to stop. When I say begun, it is something I still return to, but am now feeling the dishonouring more honestly. As I have found with all addictions, will power is not the answer. It is not until we address the root cause, the part of us that is not our true self, can we make the real choice to break the cycle, and therefore leave the habit behind. This is then becomes a marker in our true evolution.
That’s an excellent exposure of what nail biting really is Ben – ‘ripping parts of my body away’. If you think about it, biting our nails is quite a deadly form of self inflicted physical abuse, one that has gone unnoticed for centuries.
It never ceases to amaze me when people make loving choices for themselves and the ‘incurables’
disappear, leaving the medical profession scratching their heads at what happened. The body and love are inseparable.
Thank you Sue for sharing your journey with us – I love your line “I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” so Powerful. It is so easy to get caught up in treating the symptoms, such as yukky tasting nail polish, without ever really stopping to feel into what is causing the behaviour. Thank you for sharing that it is possible.
It amazes me the healing that can be brought about within ones self through the observation of things we do that are normally just viewed as bad habits and brushed to the side as to be nothing more than this. But when time is taken to stop and go deeper and feel what is the motivating force behind a seemingly benign habit a profound and true lasting healing can occur simply through asking why and feeling what comes up.
I can absolutely relate to your blog. Having a nail biting problem for 22 years and currently as I am typing just appreciating the self-love journey I had taken for myself with the support of Serge Behayon. Again still a work in progress, but now when/if I go to bite my nails I am able to notice straight away and instead of just biting because I may being experiencing anxiousness in my day I can lovingly take the nests steps to support myself for tomorrow rather than attacking my nails. Now every time I see my beautiful nails I stop and appreciate all the beauty and delicacy in my hands and my whole body.
Thank you for sharing
What a fantastic catch phrase – “old habits die gently”. Something as small as a nail biting habit can be a significant issue for someone who cannot stop. It is great that you have presented that by treating the body as a whole entity, looking at how you live, what supports and nurtures you, the old habit just drops away without any fuss. This shows us that developing a rhythm of self care and love of self, our unhealthy habits can finally be put to bed, for they are no longer needed to be the escape.
Wow Sue that’s amazing. It just shows how quickly something can potentially resolve when truth is brought to the issue and the root cause is dealt with in the love, nurturing, support and care you talk about. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Sue for your blog. I too am a nail biter, I can’t actually remember a time when I haven’t bitten my nails for an extended period of time. I find that when I am at Universal Medicine courses, I have no desire to bite my nails and this often holds for several days after courses and retreat, however once a slight bit of anxiousness creeps in, I’m straight back there, biting away (never in public though!)
Although I haven’t stopped biting my nails, I do have an increased awareness around when I do it and why I am doing it. I don’t do it as often and I can now go through longer periods of time without biting them. So for me it is a loving work in progress.
As I was reading you blog the penny dropped when you said that you “used nail biting as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” I can now see how I do this too, as I have difficulty expressing anger outwardly and nail biting is a way of capping that energy, so that I don’t have to feel it. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Sue. It reminds me to be more observant with any habit and that it can represent feelings of anxiousness or any other emotion that can creep in very quietly. A great opportunity to ‘catch’ yourself before it goes too far.
Love really does go a long way.
What an insight Sue “It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.”
I was never a bait biter, but had many other habits, like twisting my fingers into knots, or tug at my hair when I was anxious.
No forms of counselling, hypnotherapy or multitude of other techniques worked for me – when I met Serge Benhayon and started attending Universal Medicine courses, these habits melted away. They were always symptoms of something deeper that Serge’s teachings got to the base of.
I enjoyed this blog for it’s simplicity and self-loving evidence; for stopping such a long standing habit in toto is hard to do unless it’s founded on love.
Thanks for sharing Sue. Whilst I’ve never been a nail biter I can certainly relate what you are saying to other habits that I have had over my lifetime!
Sue I can totally relate to what you wrote, as I too was a nail biter and at times it was so bad that the tips of my fingers would hurt as I had bitten into them so much. I hated my hands because of this. I too thanks to UM no longer bite my nails, I now love my hands and have beautiful finger nails which I enjoy painting with nail polish. I learnt that when ever I bite my nails that I was in anxiety about something and as a soon as I addressed this I no longer had the desire to bite or pick at them. To stop this habit after 42 years was truly a miracle.
Thank you for sharing your story Sue, I really enjoyed reading it.
I have also had an experience of habits that don’t support me “evaporating”. Such as drinking alcohol, smoking, eating cream doughnuts! I like the term “evaporating” , although some of my habits have taken a few years for me to be truly released from their grip psychologically. I have made choice quite painlessly and without regret and I have stopped habits that don’t support me. This choice came from feeling that I am truly caring for myself. A fork in the road and I choose to be loving. I also used to bite my nails and had so many bruises I couldn’t count, I just used to bump into things often and be anxious, so the nails got gnawed and I got bruised. I was not present or aware of where I was or how my body felt. This has changed and I have very few bruises and healthy nails. Amazing!
Totally relate, thank you for highlighting the fact it goes even deeper than feeling anxious.
It goes deep to the very way we hold ourselves and who we think we are and what we think we are worth.
Massive feeling of feeling you have a handle on your current situations or knowing you know what to do, which relates to self acceptance and the less desirable habit of bitting your nails.
I was a nail biter too Sue! I finally managed to stop around the age of 15…perhaps because I took up other harmful habits like smoking instead. When i bit my nails I knew it was a manifestation of stress and pressure but I never let myself feel that the stress and pressure I put on myself was not loving. Reading your blog I see my nail biting in a whole new light, it is so clear it was a feeling of frustration and stress directed inward.
Thank you Sue. Great article. I also used to bite my nails, since from when I was a child and nothing worked – not even nursing work! I had periods when I stopped for a year or 2 but if an anxiousness crept in, I’d be back biting them again. I actually stopped biting mine during my 1st Chris James residential – just before UniMed. I knew the moment that I stopped, I just felt so different. I had connected to me and it was like the nail biting was no longer needed, for that wasn’t me. It was a gorgeous moment and I recall sharing it with my roomy at the time – “Ooooh I’ve just stopped biting my nails!” and 4 years later I haven’t returned to biting them and enjoy celebrating the fact that I enjoy my hands.
I can so relate to everything you have said in this blog. It has amazed me how simple it has been to turn this habit around after a lifetime of nervous nail biting and the shame that goes with it. It wasn’t the nail biting habit that had to change, but the nervous tension, low self worth and feelings of emptiness that lay underneath the habit. I feel proud of my nails now, they’re longer and stronger and I enjoy caring for them. For the first time in my life I’m able to paint my nails! What a beautiful way to love and appreciate myself.
I agree Judy.
Thanks for sharing Sue. It is amazing what can be achieved when Self love is applied to any situation.
I can so relate to this. I have been a nail biter/chewer/picker for over 40 yrs and unfortunately I haven’t kicked the habit yet. I’ve done the foul nail polish, sitting on hands, gloves, none of them worked. I never thought of the self worth connection. Since this is a new area for me to discover hopefully in time I too can be an ex biter.
I found that when I let go of the “trying” to stop nail-biting, and developed more self- love (still ongoing) that my age-old habit dissipated. I’m sure you will find this too and become a member of the ex-biter’s club!
A great example of how “just treating the symptoms but not the cause” does not (or cannot) “heal”. I feel that this is the current state of “main stream medicine” unfortunately. It is important to treat the symptoms (to support our bodies) but we must not forget to address what caused the symptoms. Thank you Sue for sharing this.
Hi Sue, how miraculous it is that a habit of 50 years melts away without any drama when self love is applied. I feel it is the answer to everything in this world.
In the last week or two I’ve noticed an old habit resurface – I started biting my nails again! I looked down at my nails the other day and was shocked at the state they’d gotten into… After the realisation I thought I’d come back to your blog for guidance, and the sentence, ‘It became a very unconscious habit that increased when I was aware of being anxious’ really sums up how the nail-biting has been playing out over the past few weeks. Thank you Sue for your support, and with this understanding I have an opportunity to make different choices in the future 🙂
I too have found that if I let anxiousness creep in and my self-lovingness drop then I can find myself nibbling again. A wake-up call to rediscover the true tender me. Only this time I treat the cause and apply more loving for myself, rather than addressing the old habit of nail-biting. I am amazed how many of us have experienced this. I so appreciate everyone’s sharing.
Thank you for the blog Sue. I can relate to what you say about the self love just “eating” away the so called bad habits. But what I recognize by myself is that when I get in a situation where I am anxious or not with myself, they can come back very quick.
Self-loathing presents in many ways and for many of us eating ourselves starts at a very young age. It might look to some as a small thing but when we look deeper its huge.
Sue the point you make about ‘persisting’ through the foul tasting preparation reminds me of many things I’ve persisted with doing and ingesting when my initial and natural response was one of dislike and or discomfort. The list was very long , however these days I can say with great appreciation to Serge Benhayon and All practitioners that the list length decreases and self care is gaining the highest priority.
I too would bite my nails, and they were very weak. For me, I used to be so nervous and that is why I would bite them. Now with feeling comfortable in my own skin, and with a healthy diet, with foods that really nourish my body, my nails are so strong and beautiful, something I would of never even imagined.
This has been an inspiration to read – I myself would often find my nails in my mouth, even biting the skin around my nails. Many creams and remedies sought – these are always only for the outside never the turmoil that drives the action from the inside out. My self development with Universal Medicine has gone a long way to improving how I deal with those anxious moments and I appreciate the way that I now consciously take care of my body.
Thanks for sharing Sue. It never fails to amaze me the power of simply paying attention to our body’s basic needs in a tender and loving way. It is such an obviously practical and beneficial approach to life yet was so foreign until suggested as a possibility by Universal Medicine. Your nail biting days coming to an end without any effort to stop shows just how a little nurturing can have a lasting impact.
I can relate to this blog as i too grew up as a nail biter, as did and still is my mum. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for this blog Sue.
Self Love was a new concept to me too when I met Serge Benhayon.
Absolutely Amina there are many Miracles that Universal Medicine has brought to us and as Sue has shared bringing Self-Love into our relationship with Self has been a big player that is a game changer for sure.
As someone who spent many years biting my nails too I can definitely relate to what you are expressing here and how it is a real miracle to no longer bite my nails and to never be tempted to either, so thank you for your sharing and the reminder of the miracles that Universal Medicine has brought to us.
Thank you for your sharing Sue. I have bitten my nails all of my life and recently have been reflecting on what is happening in my life that I am choosing to continue this habit. It has brought a precious opportunity to stop and lovingly be present with me, to not harass or condemn but to be really present and go deeper. Your reflection has brought an unspoken support and invitation to continue loving and nurturing me especially when the unconscious need to bite my nails happens
Self-love really is the key – to so many things. I am wondering why this isn’t (yet) part of main stream culture…..
Good point Sue! If self-love is so empowering, freeing and the key to everything as you say, then why isn’t it the norm?
I agree Sue
Absolutely, part of culture – and part of the curriculum!
I guess putting others first is so ingrained in our culture it may be a while yet Sue. Small steps…..lead to great strides.
Lovely to read your account of how easy it was to stop biting your nails after being introduced to the concept of self love by Universal Medicine. I also spent lots of money on new age modalities before I found Universal Medicine but nothing ever changed, as I too only experienced temporary relief from some symptoms.
Thank you for sharing this turn around. So many of us live with harmful habits and patterns that are so deeply entrenched we hardly notice them and they just become part of our everyday lives and perpetuate unchecked.
The saying ‘old habits are hard to break’ is true but it’s only hard when we don’t look beyond the habits to know why we are doing it in the first place.
Sue, I love coming back to this article. I love how you say, ;I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood. I noticed how I began to feel so much better about and even like myself…’
You’ve reminded me to stop looking outside of myself for whether I’m likeable or not (!) and really feel who I am and see if I like myself. The aspects I’m non too keen on about myself I’m realising aren’t truly who I am so actually to let go of them isn’t like cutting off a limb but taking the shutters off the window to let more of me out.
Great to revisit your blog Sue. It made me think of all the different things people do to try and stop nail biting. It is a bit like the many failed diets people go through to lose weight when in fact the answer comes from listening to our body and responding to what is going on underneath. Awesome!
A great point Jane – trying to stop biting nails is a bit like ‘trying’ to lose weight, especially at this time of year, when it all falls apart after a few months. The only answer is to go to the root cause, not trying to fix symptoms, and as you say, listening to our body’s messages…..
The beautiful thing that you show us Sue is that by choosing self-love and self-care you observed that at a certain point in time you were no longer chewing your nails. That is amazing, not to emphasize on the symptoms but slowly working on the cause underneath and all that not with the intention to get rid of your nail biting. Brilliant!!
What an amazing reading of what the root cause of the nail biting had been and how totally logical that it would then over time just disappear and be forgotten about, a true healing in every sense of the word.
Wow, this is lovely Sue, I find it very inspiring that you got to the root cause of biting your nails and that you have been able to heal this. I enjoyed reading, ‘I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.’ This feels really important, I’m aware that I was told a lot of things about myself as a child, such as that I was “odd” and so it is very confirming to be reminded that theses things were not and are still not true.
‘I stopped pushing myself, which had a hardening effect on me and my body.’ I can relate to this – even now I find myself feeling I have to do more and will push until it’s done and then I can feel where it hurts in my body. I love that you are taking yourself for a gentle walk each day . . . I keep meaning to but somehow get stuck in the ‘doing’ and end up with no time for the ‘nurturing me’ bits. I know the more self-loving I am, the more I will want to take off my body, and it starts with being tender in everything I do – including everything I think (!)
“…being tender in everything I do”, a great reminder Carmel, especially when I have a long to-do list. Thank you. It takes no more time to be tender than it does to just get it done any old how.
This is a great testimony to the benefits of looking after ourselves. To remove a lifelong habit by adopting self caring practices is a beautiful things to observe. As Conor says, treat the cause, that is the key.
” Replace the nervous tension with a whole lot of love and there is simply no impulse to do this any more.” Love this Rebecca – then so many nervous tics can fade away, simply and without any trying.
It’s amazing reading the comments to realise how common this little habit of finger chewing and nail biting is and that nervous energy naturally leads to attacking ourselves. Replace the nervous tension with a whole lot of love and there is simply no impulse to do this any more.
Yes, isn’t it great that something – an old habit – that we may have had for years “just silently dropped out of my life …”As you say, treating the cause, not the symptoms by committing to a life with more love. Love is the way….
I really love the love and acceptance I feel when reading this beautiful article. Today I especially like your line, ‘I became a lot more accepting of myself and appreciating myself for who I truly am, not what I had been told I was from childhood.’ This maybe more poignant as I visit family but my image of myself is something that I walk around with everywhere.
This image of myself I still define from what I was told I was like as a child and teenager that I still haven’t fully challenged. Your article inspires me to look at it and really challenge it. Thank you.
Yes. We no longer need to stay with that image we had of ourselves as children, no matter how devastating our background. By choosing something different – love and expressing our truth, now, we can evolve into something much greater. Accepting and appreciating myself lovingly has supported me – something I am still working on.
I just wanted to comment that since reading this blog I have noticed that I bite my nails and cuticles a lot less, if at all.
wow Rebecca that is just awesome! And since i read this blog and i have been more aware when i start even touching my nails and in which situations. Great observations and big learning going here with me and my nails ( :
Awesome Mariette – it is amazing what reading a blog can bring – a whole new awareness to biting your nails!
Thank you Sue, for sharing this. I have been biting my nails for year and years. Not only biting, but tearing my nails off and also the skin next to my nails. It was bleeding a lot of times….I did not like my nails and i was always hiding them, I would never put on nail polish and i was ashamed of my own hands. My nails have been an obsession for a very long time, every moment i had nothing to do, i would focus on my nails. Today, i love my hands, i love my nails, and i even polish them red! I have come to understand that for me biting nails had to do with anxiousness and also with not loving myself. It always felt impossible to break the pattern of biting my nails, but that’s because i did not address the root cause. Through universal medicine, i have learned to get a deeper understanding of this behavior and why i was doing this. I have dealt with my anxiousness and the anger i had towards myself. I love my nails now, i take care of them, but that is only because i have started to take care of myself. The nails just followed…
Isn’t it great that by no longer focussing on our habits, but by deepening our connection with ourselves and nurturing and caring more, our old habits just fade away. I’d love to see your nails now Mariette!
That’s incredible Mariette; from building an understanding of WHY you would bite your nails brought an opportunity to choose differently the next time you had an instinct to do so. But it all comes down to a willingness to be honest with yourself, and as you perfectly put; ‘i have started to take care of myself. The nails just followed…’
It’s amazing how many bad habits become engrained into one’s self. .We just need a little kick start to realise we are better than the bad habits we have, and return to what we truly are in life.
What I got from reading this was that by changing your focus from the issue to being more gentle with yourself the issue fades on its own accord as it is no longer getting the attention it used to get. So focusing every thought on all the ills in life does not work as it keeps my focus away from what I can do for myself in a positive way.
Absolutely Leigh, it is the energy we need to change, not just ‘stop’ the habit. When the energy changes the habit is dropped naturally.
I love the title of your blog Sue,”Old Habits Die Gently”. Since becoming more self loving in my life, I am amazed at how some of my less than loving habits, have fallen away easily and effortlessly. This is very much a work in progress, and I know as I expand my base of self love and love for others, more ill habits will come to the surface to be released. Thank you Sue, for sharing your wisdom.
An open piece of writing that leaves us all with the opportunity to ask ourselves questions, honestly and gently so, about how we are living, what we are choosing and what we are not being open with ourselves about. This type of questioning then provides a foundation for, and willingness to, change, and it is never too late. Thank you, Sue.
No, never too late to change – thank goodness! I thought I would die with bitten nails, but in my 60s as I develop more self love, old habits are indeed dying gently
It is remarkable how many engrained habits that we try again and again to rid ourselves of simply start to fade away when we start to live life with more loving foundation. Any small step in building this in our life has a profound effect on everything and makes it easier to make other loving choices.
Yes. there is always a reason for everything we think, do and say. I have lived a life of never being, doing enough…..being hard on myself – and beating myself up when I saw my bitten nails. This was just one manifestation of how hard I was on myself. I am now discovering the more subtle ways I do this and calling them out. Time to love and appreciate who we truly are, amazing human beings who have been led to believe we are less.
Reading this blog was really helpful for me Sue, because it gave me a better understanding of my own habit I’ve had of chewing my fingers during times of anxiousness or stress. I can see how it really is a self-attack based on a lack of self-love. It inspires me to look deeper into this and not just pass it off as “a bad habit”. There is a reason for everything that we do, say, and think, and I can feel how there is a correlation between times that I had been excessively self-critical and hard on myself and the chewing of my fingers. Thank you for sharing this.
I have learnt and remembered much from the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Whilst reading your article I realised my self loathing wouldn’t even let me see my self loathing! Much has been revealed and exposed to me of how I have lived including seeing the self loathing, disregard, lack of self worth and so much more that I was not aware of or did not want to see. It hasn’t been pretty and definitely not comfortable but very much worth it and I would not change it for the world. As Serge has lovingly and gently helped me to see and feel all these things that are not me, by doing this I have slowly started to let them go and feel what truly is me something I thought I would never feel again. No other person, workshop or course has helped me truly see and get to the bottom of all the rot. Serge Benhayon takes the word honesty to a whole new level. An honest level.
“My self loathing wouldn’t even let me see my self loathing!” This is an absolute classic. It is so easy to create layers upon layers of ourselves that we soon lose sight of what we truly looked or felt like. Within that we are, without realising it, adding layers of self loathing to the pile as deep down we know we are taking ourselves away from the gorgeousness that we are. With some loving awareness this can be addressed and changed as you have shown, thank you.
” I realised my self loathing wouldn’t even let me see my self loathing”. I knew this one too Vicky! Crazy isn’t it?! “No other person, workshop or course has helped me truly see and get to the bottom of all the rot. Serge Benhayon takes the word honesty to a whole new level.” Huge appreciation for all Universal Medicine has brought to my awareness and understanding – and then my choice – to accept it, or not.
It’s so interesting to observe whenever we do any of these things, it’s when we are not with ourselves. When we can observe that, we can stop and ask the question ‘what’s really going on here?’ Why are we behaving in this way? When we realise we’re missing our own Love, then we can come back.
Yes, “just open up to loving yourself more and letting that love gradually grow, things drop without effort.” It seems like a miracle. Loving is the key. Whatever habits we have, be they biting nails or drinking black tea, applying the medicine of love enables them to fade away without any trying. Great!
I love what you say Sue – “It seems like a miracle”, absolutely spot on, life can be full of miracles if we allow it and I’m all for applying the medicine of love!
What is amazing to see is that when you don´t focus on trying to quit anything but just open up to loving yourself more and letting that love gradually grow, things drop without effort. I found that with tea, I never thought i could give up tea, i was very very addicted, so I did not try or even consider the possibility of living without tea, (black tea), as I work nights sometimes it seemed impossible. But it happened unexpectedly, I was staying with some friends that had always herbal teas so i started having them, and just let myself start to drink peppermint tea. It was awesome.
So clearly and simply put. As soon as we try and give something up we create an invisible attachment to it that becomes stronger as we battle with our will. The letting go or surrender that occurs, as we build our relationship with ourselves, naturally leads to the falling away of unhealthy habits and addictions.
Since first reading this blog I’ve started to notice when I go to bite my nails, always at a point I am not wanting to feel something or when I check out. Half way through its like I come back to myself now and see what’s going on. It’s far less often though than before!
I love it that when we become aware of our habits, we then have a choice – to continue – or not! Lets all celebrate our growing awareness and ability to feel what’s going on.
Yes Sue, awareness and choices – great medicine.
I do that too now David, catch myself more often when I go to bite my nails or chew the inside of my lip, something I used to do A LOT. I for one am beginning to appreciate more and more my growing awareness so that I can then make the choice to stop and be more loving to myself.
Sandra I know, what’s been interesting is by bringing awareness to general self care in the recent weeks/months the urge to bite my nails has almost vanished. Reflecting to me what Sue was saying all along. It’s quite lovely to feel the difference in my fingers.
Wow Jonathan. There are so many different old habits being gently sent packing, not by trying to fix them , but by living a more loving life – loving ourselves and also others. Opening my heart to let love in – and out – is ongoing for me. Wonderful medicine!
What I find so profound in your article, Sue, is that your nail biting stopped as a by-product of you learning to love yourself. Loving yourself is such powerful medicine. A similar thing happened for me when I commenced such a prescription: I lost five and a half stone (35 kilograms) as my by-product.
Asking the question why? is a great stop, then we can choose differently if we so feel, or not. Lovely to hear how for you this “works wonders and biting my nails is becoming less and less of a habit”. A great point, thanks Susie.
Yes Sue. I am playing with asking ‘why’ in many things and finding I now have opportunities to make different choices which support me so much more.
I too used to constantly bite my nails, and for me it was an outcome of feeling anxious and on edge most of the time… What I’ve found really supportive is whenever I bring my hand up to my mouth, to stop, and feel into why in this very moment am I uncomfortable/nervous. It works wonders and biting my nails is becoming less and less of a habit.
This is such a common theme amongst many Sue. Personally I chose different ways to self harm – smoking, food, drinking alcohol etc. but I love how your blog shares the simplicity of what naturally occurs when we begin to make small loving changes in our lives. So often we try to treat the symptoms like you say, without addressing the real underlying issues. How much simpler it is to begin to take a greater care of ourselves and connect with our loveliness, allowing the self-loathing and disregard behind these habits to be seen and let go of. Thank heaven for Universal Medicine!
Thank heaven for Universal Medicine – literally. Indeed Heather. Many of our old habits come from disregard because of a lack of truly valuing and appreciating ourselves, regardless of how they may manifest. Whatever our habits have been, it is great that once we address the whole, and thus the cause, then they can begin to dissipate.
All these bad habits we have or have had all have an underlining reason for being there. I tried for years to stop smoking, I tried acupuncture, hypnosis, Chinese herbs to name a few but nothing worked until I came across Universal Medicine. Like your nails Sue, the habit just faded away from addressing the real problems behind it.
Yes it’s great when we stop looking for solutions – these are only temporary. When we look at the bigger picture – our whole selves – and address the whole, changes happen of their own accord it seems and old habits fade away. The devil is in the detail – originally meant to be a “good thing.” But I now say the glory is in the bigger picture!
It is so true the seeking for a solution is not one that has worked for me either… getting honest with what I have been holding onto, which for me didn’t seem to even be there, then realising that I have had issues that were actually causing disharmony has been miraculous. As you say habits that I picked up along the way have slowly dropped away in releasing these issues that have stopped me from feeling who I really am.
Great comment. It is so easy to get caught up in the minutiae that we loose all perspective and sense of the bigger picture.
It is true, changes do happen of their own accord if we address the whole and start loving ourselves, truly, and I love what you say that the glory is in the bigger picture! Thank you for your blog Sue.
This is a great blog Sue and I love the comment by Jane176 about how she was offered a red scooter if she stopped biting her nails which she did, only to start again when the scooter arrived and how by instead of focusing on one element and trying to change that we can instead lovingly take care of the whole of us, our whole being, and in that way change truly begins and symptoms fall away.
Sue presents a way to approach unwanted behaviour – not through bribing or distraction but working on our life as whole.
Good point Rebecca – we need to take our whole life into consideration, not just one small part of it
I remember learning about Hippocrates in my ancient history classes, and that his view of medicine in ancient Greek times was revolutionary, because he saw disease, illness etc not as punishment from the Gods, but as the result of environment, diet and nature. His method of treating focused less on diagnosis, and more on looking at the body as a whole and caring for the patient. in doing this, he was very successful – more so than many other physicians in his time. His approach of looking at the whole body to being healing has been largely forgotten, but stories like this show that looking at things from the whole is very affective.
Hippocrates – the ‘father of all medicine,’ as you comment, had an “approach of looking at the whole body to being healing has been largely forgotten, but stories like this show that looking at things from the whole is very effective.” As a (former) nurse, I saw medicine focussing on the particular, not taking the whole person into account at all. Amazing things can happen when we do so.
Its awesome that with your background in nursing, you can see and have experienced how changing behaviour and treating something can be made so much more effective when the whole body is taken into consideration.
Thank you Sue for your sharing. I too have been chewing, not my nails but the skin around my nails for decades, and the thumbs were much more prone to attacks than the fingers. I always put it on my anxiousness and also my lack of self worth. Thanks to the courses and sessions from Universal Medicine this habit has gradually receded and has now completely disappeared. I no longer need to put plasters around my thumbs !
It is so great when we focus on loving ourselves, choosing to change our way of living and not on these old habits, then they almost miraculously vanish! How cool is that?!
A great way of looking at it Sue – putting the focus on loving ourselves and not just trying to fix things we don’t like!
Yes Sue, focusing on love is enjoyable and can be fun, whereas trying fix things can be stressful and draining and takes me away from the love.
Sue, thank you for you sharing. I especially love what you write: ‘I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.’ I have been doing that as well in my life looking for something to help me or fix me instead of really going to the root cause and taking responsibility for my own healing. And just like you I experienced numbers of spiritual modalities who gave me excitement and sometimes temporal relief, but nothing really changed. Universal Medicine and the teachings of Serge Benhayon make a difference and show there is another way. A way of self-care and self-love that gives us the ability to be ourselves and appreciate ourselves no matter where we are.
I love your last sentence, ‘a way of self-care and self-love that gives us the ability to be ourselves and appreciate ourselves no matter where we are.’ Huge appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for offering a new way to be and to live.
Yes Sue absolute Huge Appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for offering the Way of the Livingness and for it to be so accessible to all – its only a choice and one that I love making on a daily basis.
This is very true Monika and you are a testament to how someone can change the way they are by taking care of themselves.
Appreciating myself has made a huge difference to how my I treat myself now which started with self care and self love.
I really like the title of this article – “old habits die gently” it makes me realise how I have been cursing myself throughout my life in believing everything needs to be hard or difficult. Everything can either be a loving or unloving choice if we first choose to truly love ourselves and allow love in. This is a work in progress for me.
I still “try”, thus making things difficult and complicated! But since discovering Universal Medicine and learning about simplicity, life is changing and flowing so much more easily – without effort. As you say- “Everything can either be a loving or unloving choice”. Simple!
I loved reading this blog Sue and remember as a small child being offered the reward of a shiny red scooter if I stopped biting my nails. I managed to stop just long enough to get my shiny prize then went back to biting again! I love how beautifully your story exposes how often we try and fix things from the outer and treat the symptom. In contrast it was when you lovingly took care of the whole of you, that symptom just fell away! Beautiful!!
I like the way you have expressed in your comment Jane, “In contrast it was when you lovingly took care of the whole of you, that symptom just fell away”. The power to change our ills when we do this is extraordinary but should become the ordinary. It is in my experience the only way that seems to work in the long term. Looking at our problems from the outside provides short term solutions and has not got us anywhere except a continual spin on the hamster wheel. When we look inward and treat the whole of us, that hamster wheel magically stops turning and we can get off the ride!
Bribery, however lovingly intentioned, doesn’t last! We have to take care of the whole, as you say. Love is the key, be it for ourselves, or for others, or I should write – and for others!
Very true Jane, true healing comes from deep inside and trying to fix it reaching outside of us doesn’t bring any true answer.
Beautiful and very inspiring. Thank you Sue.
Sue, your writing has inspired me to reflect back on all the things I used to do to manage in, and cope with, life, all of which I have simply let go of, not as a focus in themselves, but because of an ever deepening relationship with myself and life inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine.
I love it how little patterns can just resolve themselves when we choose to go deeper with our self-love and ‘ever deepening relationship’ with ourselves – a true bonus to the understanding and appreciation of the ancient wisdom presented by Universal Medicine.
Sue, isn’t it interesting that with effort and trying you were not able to stop biting your nails for years (well most of your life) but with self nurturing and self love the problem disappeared without any trying. Awesome and so simple.
Yes it is amazing Fiona, all that effort and focus and all the feelings of being a failure when one returns to the habit again and again after each failed solution. It clearly shows that focussing on self love and self nurturing offer true resolution and our self worth benefits a billion per cent as a consequence.
I love this. Time and time again we try to break those old habits because ‘they are unhealthy’ or ‘not sociable’ or ‘damaging’ and we really try and are encouraged by the medical profession, friends and family. But it never seems to work until we do it from the perspective of loving self care.
Great point Fiona, many of our biggest challenges are struggles yet they disappear when we bring in self nurturing and self love. My greatest problems are the ones I create in my head, but they disappear when I return to my body.
“My greatest problems are the ones I create in my head, but they disappear when I return to my body”. Love this Stephen – uniting my mind with my body makes such a difference.
That’s true Stephen, my mind is always trying to ‘throw rocks’ in my way. My body just goes round them!
I agree Stephen, we create so many of our own problems by using just our heads to get through life. By taking the time to connect and listen to our bodies as well, it is usually the simplest and most obvious answers that come through.
So true Fiona and isn’t it obvious when someone bites their nails, they try to hide them and often feel embarrassed. Self nurturing and self love is so simple, once you know how!
Yes Fiona, self love and self nurturing are powerful healers and require no effort or trying.
Yes it is the sign of true healing when a dyed in the yarn habit vanishes without trace and we’re left wondering when did that stop? That is the real power of true love, it completely erases our self loathing and allows our natural love to step in and take over. Truly awesome and thank you Sue for opening up this conversation.
And those habits we still cling to give us a marker of the levels of self love and nurturing we hold. There is always a choice to go deeper.
what is awesome and what you are showing us Sue is if we take responsibility for how we feel, what we are not prepared to look at with Love then we are supported by God to see the truth. This willingness is the key to self healing and kicking old habits. One that I keep realising the more I let go; the deeper that willingness to be the Love that I am is richer, stronger and powerful. I am the key to my own healing and evolvement – The willingness is the key unlocking my heart and letting the love in and out.
I love your words Natalie, “I am the key to my own healing and evolvement. The willingness is the key to unlocking my heart and letting the love in and out”. Beautiful and so true.
Such an inspiring blog Sue and comment Natalie. When we are willing to be responsible for how we feel we will be supported and that support is limitless.
‘we are supported by God to see the truth’. I am feeling that right now, and know with that unquestioning support there is no limit to what I can let go of, the habits that no longer serve.
Thank you Sue for bringing to light the deeply seated emotional feelings behind something as simple as nailbiting: “I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” ” It is no wonder that the gently-approach was the only successful way in the end.
Yes – gentleness and self-loving are the keys to transformation. How beautiful it would be if all children were allowed to continue with their natural expression and taught about how lovingly to care for them selves and others. These self-harming behaviours would seem totally out of place in such a world.
Really needed to read ‘gentleness and self loving are the keys to transformation’. Right now my body is asking me to be delicate, frail, vulnerable, and for someone whose habit has always been to just get on with it, thats a huge lesson.
Well said Rosanna, even the littlest behaviour can be an amazing insight into ourselves if we are willing to look.
Yes fantastic Sue that you could break down and debase the insidious self loathing that was running you.. Incredible that ‘eating yourself’ was your counter reaction to this, but it also makes complete sense. As Rosanna said the gentle more living approach was successful in the end.
Sue the title of your blog is enough: old habits die GENTLY. We develop habits as a way of hiding what we feel so to quit a habit with pressure and force would leave us exposed too much to whatever we were hiding from…. This would possibly be too hard for most to deal with. Having the loving understanding at why these habits are there, uncovering more and more of the truth behind it, one layer at a time makes it far more likely that the habit will reduce as the feelings begin to be felt.
Lovely description Rachel of the gentle, understanding way of getting beyond our habits.
Sue, your article reminds me that I sucked my thumb as a child and managed to force myself to stop at the age of 9. Now I have an opportunity to look at what was the underlying cause of my seeking comfort and security by this behaviour.
Hi Sue,
So, I just wanted to share with you how you have inspired me. I have found that I have a habit which I would like to stop doing and this is creating a lot of tension in my life because I really want to stop, but each day I find myself doing it again. And then I remembered your blog here and yesterday instead of going in to the drama of the frustration with myself for continuing with something which feels so terrible in my body, I was able to say to myself – “hang on, its not the habit that is the problem, I just need to work on my relationship with my self, and deepen this with more tenderness and more love. The habit will stop when there is not a need for it. The habit is a symptom, not the problem.”
And then I was much more able to accept where I am at and see more clearly what areas I still need to work on. Thank you so much for helping me to move on.
With love, Shami
” I was able to say to myself – “hang on, its not the habit that is the problem, I just need to work on my relationship with my self, and deepen this with more tenderness and more love.” I love this Shami. Everyone’s comments also inspire me to go deeper with my connection with myself and of course therefore with everyone else.
‘The habit will stop when there is not a need for it’. Your sharing of that is beautiful Shami, thank you for your insight.
If we all wrote out a prescription for ourselves to bring self-love into the way we live then GPs would not have nearly so many patients queuing up seeking something to fix us. Self-love is good medicine and it is not hard to swallow.
This is so true Mary, and so beautifully said.
I have noticed that when I am uncomfortable about something and do not want to feel I play with my earlobes. Its something I have done from a very young child, but just recently I remembered that when I was angry with myself I would use too much pressure and it would be painful. Interesting how these seemingly innocent little habits we have could be hiding a whole lot more.
You’ve just reminded me that I used to fold my ear lobes inside my ear, especially when I was tired! It felt comforting, as a child. I also sucked my thumb. Amazing how we can forget these little habits. More for me to ponder on!
It does seem that some of these habits are to comfort ourselves or can be used to abuse, whilst hiding something deeper. Even today I will play with my earlobes but now that I know what it feels like to be gentle, I am more aware and quicker to recognise if I am being rough, whereas in the past I would not notice until I was in pain and gone too far.
Great journey Sue, It really is amazing how self love, appreciating and accepting ourselves can have monumental changes in our life’s…regardless of how long these patterns have been a part of our life.
I found myself nervously chewing my lip yesterday as I was pondering a worry at work, and was reminded of this blog. Coming back to me, I could feel the pointless unkindness of my actions and was yet again inspired by our power to change things.
Nail biting is so common isn’t it, yet how many people are aware of the reason why they do it, or as others have shared in their comments here, there are so many other “small” ways we display how we feel about ourselves. Yet we only look at the habit, not what is underneath. For me your blog also makes me ponder on the harm of negative thought even if we don’t display our lack of love through physical bad habits. This can be so damaging and as Matilda shares we have the power to change things.
For me the negative self talk then manifested into the small physical habits, nail biting being one obvious one. If we all felt great about ourselves these habits would not appear. Babies have no problem just being their gorgeous selves. Time to reclaim the beautiful beings we all truly are and return to love.
Such a great reflection when you come to realise that what you are doing is coming from a place where you feel uncomfortable, anxious and/or nervous. There a lots of different ways this can play out like twisting your hair, drinking loads (my choice) even being really into reading – what ever it is they are all distractions away from the fact that something is out of sorts and you don’t feel with yourself. It was awesome when I decided that it was enough and time to deal with my avoidance of where I was choosing to live.
When we start to appreciate and accept ourselves then it becomes easy to take care of ourselves tenderly and lovingly, and then, one day, the old self-abusive habits melt away, it’s awesome.
I never allowed myself to show my anger outwardly. In fact I would have said I wasn’t an angry person. Yet my body and my habits showed me otherwise. Listening to my body, just one of the amazing pearls of wisdom I have gleaned from Universal Medicine.
it’s very interesting that when we improve our self caring and self loving behaviours, these types of habits no longer serve us, and just drop off. Years ago, I tried to improve my image by attempting to diet to look better, not biting my nails, feeling more confident etc, but all the time I was focussing on the habit and my self control. Whereas, when we focus on the underlying feelings of why we behaved in such a way, the old habits disappear. It’s simple but I know I can still revert back into old patterns; but now I understand the process and can catch it more these days. Connection and self Love are the way forward.
I loved reading your blog Sue. It feels like we have a wonderful opportunity whenever a habit kicks in, to stop and ask ourselves what is going on? Why am I choosing to do this at this moment? A perfect opportunity to connect more deeply to our bodies and be honest with ourselves about how we are feeling.
Yes and recognising that we do have a choice, in every moment, something I never truly considered before attending Universal Medicine presentations.
Thank you for sharing your miracle with us Sue. How by beginning, ‘to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body’ that your old unloving habit ceased to be, this habit could not sustain itself in a body of growing love. Surely this loving, caring and nurturing rhythm is the way forth for all of us, and then, almost as a by product, anything that we do that is unloving will at some point naturally disappear from our lives. This has been my experience.
That truly is a miracle, thank you for sharing it with us Sue.
It is so beautiful to hear how your habit gently dropped away, that you did not have to try, you simply focussed on loving yourself instead. You are a beautiful example of how, by just choosing to bring love home to you, so many of these things “that we were told as children” are healed and as our underlying anxieties and hurts dissolve, our coping mechanisms evaporate. Universal Medicine has been key in my life too in enabling me to reverse a whole life time of self neglect, with far reaching results that no other alternative or main stream health approach has achieved. Serge Benhayon continually presents by way of a lived example, that we are truly precious and its up to us to cherish ourselves. Once we do, we allow miracles to happen.
I love this Rowena, ‘that we are truly precious and its up to us to cherish ourselves. Once we do, we allow miracles to happen’, so so true.
The living example of Serge and how he lives his life is truly inspiring. We are all precious and cherishing ourselves is so important. We treat newborns like this, but tend to let it go for ourselves as we ‘ toughen up’ to cope with the world. Yet this world is not one of love, cooperation and mutual support – yet. There is one community that I know of that is showing the way, without perfection, Universal Medicine.
There are so many ‘little’ behaviours that I carried out on a daily basis, in truth abusing myself persistently, that only came to light when, working with Universal Medicine, I developed a gentler more loving relationship with myself. Not wearing socks when my feet were freezing, not going to the loo when my bladder was bursting, slouching, brushing my teeth ferociously…if I get a whisper of anything like this these days it stands out like a sore thumb. They are not things I had to give up or work hard to change, it just became natural not to treat myself like that anymore. And as I am affording myself this level of respect I can but do the same for others. Thank you, Sue, for sharing your experiences.
Yes and as we show ourselves more love and respect we then show that same love out to others. A beautiful side effect. And so it may snowball…….
This is so lovely Sue, I had a very similar experience and the more I was told not to bite my nails, the more nervous I became, and the habit increased. I would always be able to stop myself a month before a special occasion to have nice nails and polish on, but would then start biting them again. But as I feel more loving to myself these days, my unloving habits reduce without any trying.
Awesome Sue love that you just noticed it had stopped, no effort, no will power, no gimmicks, just focussing on loving yourself more and you naturally were able to let go of this unloving act. So inspiring.
Great blog Sue. How long has the world lived by trying to treat only the symptoms? It has almost become the norm. People are so busy they don’t have time to stop let alone feel what is wrong with them or what personal choices have brought this up for them to look at. I read years ago about a doctor that discovered a new procedure for men with chronic back pain…It was a wallet-lectomy. A group of men with back problems were salesmen or drivers and spent a lot of time driving. All carried a wallet in their back pocket, one had a wallet that was almost 4 in thick. By having them carry the wallet someplace else the back problems ceased.
It’s remarkable how much effort humanity puts into changing habits. We even have New year’s resolutions completely geared to this. So it is great to read that you found when you started to make self loving choices and made your life more honouring and caring of yourself, the habit that you had been battling for a long time simply started to drift away.
Ah, New Year resolutions, there’s a thing. How long do these last? Not long in my experience; all those intentions to exercise more, buying gym memberships, giving up chocolates etc. If we don’t address the underlying reasons why we have the habits we do, then every year we may be making the same resolutions that are temporary solutions only.
Well said Golnaz, I hadn’t seen just how much effort people do try to put into changing habits as you say from New Year’s resolutions to the endless adverts for change the way you look, grow more hair etc.. It’s refreshing to read how the habits and patterns fell away without effort but by working on making different choices that were more loving and caring overall.
Hi Sue. I have a friend who has bitten her nails since she was around the age you were when you started. She has tried everything to stop, I will show her your article.
Great to know that something I battled with for years was so simple in the end. Thank you for sharing with your friend.
“I realised that self-love was a new concept to me!” For me too and I am constantly finding new ways of developing it or sabotaging it – a work in progress all the time.!
Yes, a never ending process as we can always refine the level of love we do reach. I self sabotage too, how crazy is that when we have a choice to go deeper with self loving, or not!
“I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.” I too have done this with many things and am coming to learn that the true healing comes from digging for the cause.
A delightfully simple blog, how amazing is it to be able to look deeper at behaviours we would otherwise brush aside. For the first 7 years of my life I sucked a dummy, unable to sleep without it. Looking back I realise I was seeking comfort and safety I couldn’t feel otherwise. But having read your blog, I am able to pose a question to myself. What behaviour did I substitute for my dummy, and do I still use it unbeknownst to me? Thank you for sharing Sue.
Yes, how many hidden behaviours do we all have I wonder, buried deep because they were maybe shameful to feel at the time. Something to ponder on….
I also used to bite my nails and it was out of anxiousness. I stopped when I was in my late teens but not because I stopped feeling anxious. I just started smoking instead. Now that I no longer smoke and many of my past ‘bad’ habits have been left behind, I can feel anxiousness more clearly. Defeating anxiousness is about perception. I used to to think the world is this place that I had to survive through where I would be judged everywhere I went and that is what caused the anxiety. These days I am practicing living with a different perception where the world is not bigger than me. It is just a place. How I hold myself in love and tenderness is what matters – not how others judge me.
A great point Jinya. I was taught to put others first and how others perceived me was emphasised as being important. Reputation………..yet by changing our viewpoint the world looks to be a different place. By us all holding ourselves in love our world could be transformed.
It’s amazing what we do to our bodies to hide away from being self loving. All it needs is someone or something to show us the way to true love and self worth.
What a great blog Sue. Even if it is not nail biting, most of us have had some habit of sorts that we have resorted to over and over and has been harmful. I love that it was so simple, just being presented with how to love ourselves again by Serge Benhayon, and the biting stopped without even trying. Go Sue!
Yes, so simple in the end! Focussing on love and then harmful habits and symptoms can just drop away!
Sue from a fellow nail biter I can so relate to your blog. I too spent many years directing my anger and loathing towards myself through this daily abuse. This is a truly great example of how treating the cause brings TRUE ARREST to these long lived habits.
Yes, doing away with self-loathing and bringing in self-love, treating the root of the problem, makes such a huge difference, and not just to our own lives but to those around us. “True arrest to those long- lived habits”, as you say.
Great to be reminded that it is rarely the habit or thing that we want to change or don’t like that is the issue. In my experience as I try to stop doing that which I think I shouldn’t be doing, and most times fail, I exacerbate the underlying cause of most things, lack of esteem and self love because I judge myself very harshly for the failure. Far more helpful as you say to focus instead on love, and to build from there!
Focussing on love, I’m with you there! And what we focus on gets magnified, so far better to expand on loving than judgement and lack of self esteem!
Yes indeed. Focussing on love is a powerful and true way to heal.
I would add to that by saying yes focussing on love is the way to go, but also to heal a lack of self worth is also to focus on SELF ACCEPTANCE. Then the self bashing of unwise choices or unwanted behaviour becomes easier to change.
Things in the past I have done, drinking, smoking and caffeine being my big three, were not habits because of a chemical dependency, but my way of trying to fill something inside of me that I felt was unfulfilled. I no longer require my big three. What was absent was my self-love for my self. Once I started to reintroduce self-love back into my body I found out how far I had traveled away from me. It’s amazing the side affects that bringing self-loving back into your life can have. The inspiration that Universal Medicine has made for my self has been life changing.
Yes bringing self love into my life has been life- changing for me too, and as you say, in so many unaccountable ways indirectly.
I agree, life changing is not an under statement!
Fabulous Sue, how far you have come! Great example of the types of things we do rather than feel our feelings to let them go…
It’s a no brainer really, “feeling our feelings and letting them go”. I could berate myself for waiting so long, but instead feel grateful I have found a way back to the true me and a tool to deal with issues as they arise now. The chance to make new choices, with appreciation to Universal Medicine for showing a new way.
Hi Sue, I love the blog and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my five year old grandson a couple of weeks ago. He said to me without me prompting the question that he didn’t know why he bit his nails, I was driving at the time and did not immediately respond, he repeated it a couple of times and looked at me so I simply asked him what he was feeling in his body just before he started to bite his nails and if he could feel what that might be he would understand why he was biting his nails. He listened and then sat pondering for the rest of the journey. I have sometimes bitten the skin at the side of my nails and it is always due to an underlying : a work in progress! Beautiful to hear that your anxiousness has reduced so much since your attendance at Universal Medicine that you simply stopped biting your nails – a miracle indeed.
How gorgeous to have a grandmother who allows the child in her care to ponder on a possible cause of a problem, rather than try to fix the issue, which could then go underground or be substituted by another issue. Anxiousness is so prevalent in our society, something I didn’t even recognise in myself as I had buried it deeply. The manifestations showed, in my case, with nail- biting. Others may smoke or drink etc. It’s all the same energy showing up in our different habits.
Thanks Sue. An inspiration to look underneath at the cause of our annoying little habits rather than just get frustrated with ourselves at the symptoms that we find so hard to break.
Yes, Mary, and from this place our habits are actually like little sign posts or flags – opportunities to learn and deepen our relationships with ourselves.
Well put Mary, it’s most certainly frustrating when the symptoms are there time and time again – great reminder to look at why.
Great point you make here Sue: ‘I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the cause.’ If we do not treat the cause, the symptoms will continue to manifest.
Thanks Sue, it’s great to have more awareness that the little things/habits we have really are about something deeper that we don’t feel ok about. You’ve inspired me to be so much more aware of my nails and how I do treat them.
Sue this is a great blog, you have exposed a deeper meaning to what is seen as a bad habit of biting nails. I used to bite my nails too, usually when I was anxious or worried, but I had not really looked past it being ‘just’ an annoying bad habit. I had never looked at it as ‘eating myself’ before, but that is what it is. Reading your blog has got me thinking how this is related to my own self worth and self loathing. Thank you Sue something to ponder on.
It is very lovely to read the story of you and your nails Sue. A perfect example of how once we start to heal our issues and take care of our self, our life and our expression, the issues that we have been battling with for years start to naturally heal and resolve themselves.
It’s amazing that, having lived for so long, that no other organisation or teacher has ever presented this information. It was always about finding solutions and quick fixes, that didn’t last anyway. How great it is to find a simple way to be, that by introducing self-love, the old issues and habits can dissolve away without any trying.
Anxiety is such a huge unspoken about problem for most people these days. We all have our own ways of coping with it. I have also seen a dramatic reduction in my nervous little habits since being inspired to slow down and be more gentle with myself and others.
I agree Andrew, by slowing down it gives me more time and space and so I can’t help but notice when stress comes up, or bad habits creep in. By being aware of these moments (rather than rushing over, past or through them) I’ve got an opportunity to make a change, and a different choice.
Becoming more gentle with myself is now becoming more second nature to me. When I lose that, my habits and anxiousness then stick out like a sore thumb. A reminder to return to gentleness and stop the drive to do. As you say, being gentle with self allows us to be more gentle with others too.
I remember biting my nails and this habit wasn’t helped by the fact that my nails were so brittle and they would never grow very long without breaking. Thank you for sharing your experience, of how connecting to self love and self care brought new awareness and so stopped a self harming habit with ease. I don’t bite my nails now and for similar reasons that you mentioned in your blog. And, in fact, they are no longer brittle and they no longer break easily. Listening to my body and eating a more healthy diet has changed my relationship with my nails greatly. I never thought I would have strong and flourishing nails, but they just won’t stop growing and they are so strong now. My nails are an example of how my relationship with my body has changed for the better and shows what is possible when we begin to express self love and care. Thank you.
Our nails showing us an outward expression of how we made changes in our lives as we practise self loving, supportive choices. Gorgeous that you now have “strong flourishing nails” – a metaphor for you now?
Beautiful Samantha. I too now have gorgeous long strong nails that are often admired by my colleagues at work on the beauty counter. They ask me how I manage to grow such beautiful natural nails as most of them rely on false nails. My reply is always ‘because I look after myself and eat well’. This is not a very popular reply! But it’s the truth.
Thanks for sharing this Sue. I no longer bite my nails, but I can remember the foul tasting stuff I tried to stop me. I do still catch myself biting the cuticle bit or pulling it if I find a bit sticking up, and this can be really painful.
Yes it is all too easy to replace one habit with another. Great when we catch that’s what we’re doing tho! Accepting and appreciating ourselves as we return to the love we truly are.
Yes, I catch myself doing that too, and it was a habit I had without realising it until I read Sue’s blog.
Sue, In your story I see great potential for us all to understand and resolve what drives our habits and addictions…all things we would not choose if we felt so loving toward ourselves.
Great point Jo – there are indeed many things that we know are not great for us and we would not choose if we felt more loving with ourselves. As you have said Sue’s example can apply to many other areas of life.
Yes, if we felt loving towards ourselves, we would not choose habits that don’t support us, in my case- to literally eat myself, by chewing my nails. Addressing the deeper issues allows these to naturally fall away.
Reading your blog Sue I did not think that I was a nail biter but that is so not true. My brother was very similar to you and he bit his nails so hard and short that the skin at the tip of the finger would bulge over the nails. Both of these extremes allowed me to brush over the fact that when I get anxious I too bite my nails. Like you as I make more loving choices this habit has diminished but it has not completely gone so there are more changes to make. Thank you for catching me out here with something I felt was OK because it was not an extreme.
Yes Jo. Since taking loving care of myself I have experienced many habits and health problems disappear.
Thanks for sharing your transformation Sue, your line ‘I was trying to treat the symptoms , not the cause’ is very pertinent here. As long as we are looking for that ‘quick fix’ we will never fully resolve any problems we have. We may get some relief but the underlying issue will always be there until we are prepared to look a bit deeper.
As you point out Tim, quick fixes just give relief, but don’t get to the root of the problem. I tried quick fixes for years, to no avail. Choosing to go deeper, choosing love and changing my life-style enabled a true change that lasts.
Great point Tim. And how many of us are looking for the quick fix? It’s no wonder that disease and illness continues to soar despite the the very best efforts of modern medicine. We need to work alongside medicine, doing our bit as well. Otherwise it will always just be ‘quick fixes’ – that, actually are just papering over the cracks in the building.
So true Tim. No quick fixes! Great blog Sue.
“I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.”
This is the key. Once this love has begun it is very hard to go backwards, because it feels yucky to go there, especially when you know how gorgeous it feels to make these choices that support you. What is incredible is that the ripple effect of these choices continues to grow with every choice that is made, not only for yourself but for those around you too.
A great point Jenny. Why would I want to go back to my old patterns when I feel the benefit of loving myself more and the “ripple effects of these choices” on those around me also.
So true Jenny, but in case you do go backwards, it is hard as it magnifies and stops you in your track, so you have the opportunity to make loving choices again. So the more loving choices we make for ourselves the easier it becomes.
Sue what an awesome testament to how powerful making self-loving choices can be!
Yes, inspired by Universal Medicine, I had no idea at the outset of the amazing impact that making self-loving choices would have, not only on myself but on those around me.
A powerful reminder that the very thing we engage in out of lack of self- love, whatever we choose that to be, always multiplies our lack of self worth and never reduces it. Yours is a great example of where committing to more nurturing and self-loving behaviours by beginning to accept and appreciate who we really are, means there’s just no role left for the old habit, so it dies without us having to even think about it.
Choosing to love ourselves enables not only our own lives to change for the better but also impacts on everyone around us.
Well said Cathy, by simply ‘committing to more nurturing and self-loving behaviours, by beginning to accept and appreciate who we really are, means there’s just no role left for the old habit’. There is then no ‘I’ve been clean for x numbers of days or years’, it just is no longer a part of my life. It is also great like Sue has done to then reflect back on and appreciate some of the changes we have made as a result of making more loving choices, as a result of being inspired by Universal Medicine, as they can easily be forgotten, things which once seemed to control me now do not come anywhere near me. By appreciating the choices and changes we have made further confirms the love that we now carry, which before we hid away, at least I certainly hid it!
Exactly Jane, no quick fix or solutions to our problems other than developing a way of living that is of self-care, making self-loving choices in every moment.
Thank you Sue, such a good medicine for us all. “I began to develop love for myself, which meant that I cared for and nurtured my body more, and this has lasted until this day.”
” Good medicine”, I love this. Self – loving choices make so much sense. My body really appreciates them. Our life-style choices affect us in more ways than we can imagine, I feel.
Very true Sue, our life style is what determines how we are with everything and everyone.
Exactly. It is medicine. The very best medicine. And it’s free and it’s available to everyone.
Well said Samantha, spot on!
Yes it is good medicine, well said Samantha. There can be no substitute for just caring deeply for oneself, it is the best medicine in the world.
Well said Jane and Ariana about how we “hide those parts of ourselves that would show the world the truth of how we feel about ourselves” and how daily choices impact upon our lives. What is so sweet about what you have shared in this article Sue is that the things that appear insurmountable do not have any real substance as they just fade away when we deal with the real issue: not appreciating and loving ourselves. And to deal with that is not by punishing or giving ourselves a hard time. In fact it is the opposite: we do that by loving and cherishing ourselves. How amazing and joyful is that?
Nice one Sue its great that the nail biting habit just fell away after introducing a bit of the old self love and ridding yourself of the self loathing. For me cigarettes and alcohol were my main bad habits or crutches that gradually faded into the ‘history of me’ book as a by-product of what I had learnt and started to live through attending Universal Medicine presentations.
Returning to the love that we all truly are enables miracles to happen. How great is it that, with that focus, our old habits can then gently disintegrate without our even trying.
‘The History of Me’ – great description, and a good book I try to read from time to time to get an appreciation of the enormous changes (and the small subtle ones too) that have taken place since I started studying with Universal Medicine.
Love the title and thanks to Universal Medicine, what a great book to have on the book shelf! It is so true though, bring in the self love and nurturing and these ingrained habits just cannot stick around anymore. And when they have gone, they have gone! There is not one particle in my body I want to poison anymore and that is HUGE!
So true Rowena, once those unhealthy habits have gone they really have gone. I tried with alcohol but there was just NO WAY. I drank a few sips and realised it tasted disgusting and there was no going back to drinking. My body just said NO.
Thanks for your open and honest blog Sue. It has made me feel to share how I pull at the skin around my nails. I am now aware that I do this when feeling anxious, I am treating this new awareness as a ‘wake up call’ to be more self loving…….yes, still work in progress for me too,
I love how, as we all share through these blogs, we can become aware of our individual peccadilloes, and then choose to change.
Yes it’s so beautiful, one person can have such a great knock on effect for the rest of us. It supports us to look deeper at our issues and see them for what they truly are, a symptom of underlying anxiety and unease with ourselves. Your story Sue is a shining example of how, when we come to address our own self worth, many of our self harming habits simply die off, proving the enormous validity of self love, self respect and true care.
Exactly Sue. Sharing through these articles offers inspiration for us all. Awesome.
I agree Wendy, I didn’t even realise picking my cuticles was a habit or even aware I do it, but having read this blog I can recall the times I have, when anxious or bored. A simple reflection of the need for more love.
Rebecca, boredom is a big one for me and not biting my nails but picking them, splitting the layers off…. It’s like an addiction!
What a great story Sue, nail biting is so common isn’t it, even picking the cuticles around the sides of the nails. I love how you’ve focused on why you do it as opposed to the actual biting itself, and that with the development of self-love you’ve completely changed this 50 YEAR habit – miraculous!
Absolutely well said Zofia
Miraculous indeed, well said Zofia.
Yes, by not focussing on the symptoms, (which I had done originally in attempting to stop my habit), and developing more self-love, the habit gently faded away. And after so long and such an ingrained habit. What else is possible?!
I agree Sue, the lovely thing about developing more self love and not focussing on the symptoms means that you can’t fail so do not have the opportunity to beat yourself up – something I have had a tendency to do a lot in my life!
Zofia, your mention of picking the cuticles was an ‘ouch’ for me. Because I still do it occasionally, and hadn’t equated it with nail biting. And I used to pick spots too. Another un serving habit to review, thank you.
Yes awesome to change a 50 year habit Sue. I thought of this blog yesterday as I met a man who had very chewed down nails and I wondered about how his habit had developed. It was not appropriate for me to talk about it at that time but maybe another time the opportunity may arise by way of sharing the inspiration from your blog. Thank you.
Sue, what an amazing turnaround, and it just shows that dealing with symptoms doesn’t truly work. I love how no matter how long it’s been, it’s never too late and that we can always introduce self-love and, with that understanding, miracles such as you describe occur. Thank you for sharing this.
We are fortunate indeed to have the presentations by Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners to light the way in self care and self love to support us to be who we really are, enabling our older bad habits to just fall away.
I find it amazing that making positive changes in our lives has a knock on effect and we begin to realise we no longer continue with certain habits – as you say they are merely the symptom and not the cause.
A great point Susan
Hi Sue, thank you so much for sharing your story. I too bit my nails from about the age of 6 until recently. For me too it was an outward reflection of the anxiousness I felt inside and even now, if I become anxious, I can find my fingers drifting to my mouth. The beautiful thing is that, like you, having tried everything to stop the habit and living with the shame of it for over 40 years, the habit just fell away, as I ever so slowly developed self-care and self-love, with the great help of Serge Benhayon and other practitioners of Universal Medicine.
What a great blog Sue! Although I didn’t bite my nails I did choose the behaviour of over eating for a large portion of my adult life. Looking back now I can see the underlining reason for my over eating was my hurt over not being liked for who I was rather than what everyone wanted me to be. I buried my hurt and anger with food and it made me feel safe and in control. Thank you for sharing your reasons. This is a powerful reflection for us all.
Sue this is an awesome blog. I haven’t had a problem with biting my nails in the past, but I have a habit of clicking my fingers many times a day, sometimes on purpose, sometimes unconsciously. I can so relate to wanting to change the habit without looking at the reason why I’m doing it in the first place – this is true for me not only with clicking fingers but in so many aspects of life. Thank you
I can relate to this Jessica. I click my fingers too, and I have worked out that it is usually when I am feeling impatient or frustrated. A good marker from the body to remind me to come back to myself.
Loved your article Sue. It’s never too late to love oneself and let go of old habits, truly inspirational, thank you.
A great sharing of your experience. And how simple it was for your life long habit to stop with no effort, once you made other choices to care for and love yourself. I wonder how many other issues we have in life would drop away if this were the case? Thank you Sue 🙂
Thank you Sue. I have found self love and self care is so powerful. Since I came across Universal Medicine I too began to self care and self love and have been amazed at the changes this brought to habits, ways of dealing with life and health problems. They have disappeared from caring for myself lovingly rather than me trying to fix them as the problem.
What a great blog and I get a greater understanding of what really is at play when biting your nails has a hold over you. Universal Medicine has been a constant inspiration in my life since I was introduced to them and as you said old patterns and behaviours that were so strongly imbedded in me have been falling away. The introduction of Self-Love sounded so obvious but until I started practising it I realised how far away from it I really was, how my whole life up until that point had been void of Self-Love. To get to a place where I truly believe I am worth Loving in every possible way you can imagine is so special and the more I do the deeper the Love I have for myself and others.
This is great Sue, to change a lifelong habit after such a long time shows the power there is in caring for ourselves and having self acceptance and appreciation. No willpower was required either, just a choice to care for yourself and the bad habit just dropped away, amazing.
Sue what a beauty-filled unfolding of you. I love that your nail biting stopped without your trying. And a great reminder that instead of all the efforts we go to when attempting to resolve symptoms, it’s worth taking some time to listen to what our bodies are telling us.
Sue thank you for sharing how, as you gradually built self-love in your life, your nail-biting stopped without you trying as you no longer needed to turn your anger inward. A beautiful testament to the power of making loving choices and healing issues naturally rather than trying to sort them at the symptom level.
Thank you Sue, such a great example of how we all too often try to “treat the symptoms, not the cause” as you say. It’s wonderful how a gentler, loving rhythm, and being a lot more accepting of and appreciating ourselves for who we truly are, can bring about such natural changes to habits that have been held on to for so long – habits that are not part of the newly discovered who we truly are.
The power of love! Well, self love.. It’s amazing what conditions we have lived with and put up with for so long can evaporate so fast when we start to self nurture and feel that we are deserving of it.
It is amazing Sue, thank you for sharing.
I have had an similar experience but then with dandruff I had for some 20 years. It was a very itchy type of dandruff and I had to scratch a lot, sometimes it was bleeding causing crusts on my head. I felt always very ashamed when I had to go to the hairdresser and I could not have a short hairstyle because I did not want people to see it. It started somewhere early in my thirties and I tried all kinds of treatments and diets but nothing really worked. What I did find was that it was related to stress at work. During holidays the dandruff decreased considerably. After a few years visiting Universal Medicine events in the UK, the dandruff suddenly disappeared during a 3 months Esoteric Chakra Puncture Detox program I did with one of the UM Practitioners. I did not notice it instantly but found at a certain time that the dandruff, to my surprise, (like you had with your nail biting) had completely disappeared. This is now some 4 years ago and it has not returned up to now. The stress on my work is still there but I feel that I am less influenced by it and I am able to stay with myself instead of being taken by the stress.
Universal Medicine has helped me understand that a true healing deals with the true cause of a symptom. Thank you
Thank you Sue, a great example of how esoteric medicine addresses the root cause rather than the symptoms.
I agree Doug – well said.
Thank you Sue for sharing. This is a great and inspiring example of how through self-love and self-care we can bring about huge changes for ourselves. It is also great testament to the loving care of Universal Medicine and its practitioners.
Hi Sue, thank you for sharing your story and for showing how treating the underlying cause helped the symptoms to disappear. In my case as a small child I used to suck my finger. I don’t know when I stopped but I replaced it with nail-biting. The nail biting stopped when I took up smoking and when I stopped smoking I started overeating. Always a solution, never a true exploration of the underlying issue, which was not wanting to feel me. You have reminded me not to focus on, in my case, the eating but to focus on the lack of self love. I am beginning to appreciate and be more tender with myself and Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported me in that enormously since 2005.
That is so encouraging, Sue, that through caring and nurturing and building a new foundation of love for ourselves we can let go of “nail biting” habits, and also the shame we experience when we are seen to be doing them, as they come with a whole package of recriminations against ourselves as well. How unloving that feels, and how loving you feel now after letting it all drop away.
Sue, isn’t it clear that all too often we try to fix the problem without looking at the cause. What you uncover here is that there is much more love and power when you look at why things are happening and what is behind them rather than a solution.
It says a lot for how we can look at what does not feel right in our lives. And it makes so much more sense to live in this way.
Thank you Sue for sharing your journey with nail biting, self love and Universal Medicine supporting you all the way to heal the root cause and not to focus on the symptoms for a quick fix.
I really relate to all you say and used to bite my nails as a child and teenager too. This turned to other things i now realise and was the result of not loving myself also and self destruction as a way of coping with life.
Thank you for bringing this to the attention of everyone who reads your article and more as it is shared.
Thank you Sue. I enjoyed reading how by making the simple choice to take responsibility for your feelings of self loathing you were able to stop nail biting.
I find this very inspiring.
Thank you for sharing your story Sue. This is an inspiring read for anyone with any bad habits to break. Stories like yours prove it is possible to overcome them and have a lasting effect.
Thank you for sharing how you have changed your life since being introduced to Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine. What really struck me was that at no point did you feel that anyone connected with Universal Medicine had told you to stop biting your nails. It was your choices that led you to become less hooked into the habit, and then you stopped. No striving, no angst, no beating yourself up. That’s beautiful.
An exposing and inspiring blog Sue. I can so relate to this sentence – “I began to understand that my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly”.
Although my symptom was ‘stuffing myself down’ with food and not nail biting – it was the same self loathing to hold back any expression.
Thank you for sharing you.
Sue as someone that has always picked and bitten my nails its great to read this. Whenever I am tense or frustrated I find myself almost unconsciously doing this yet I’ve never looked at it that much, just avoiding it as it happens yet again and I feel deflated. A great blog to help me reflect on what lies behind this for me as, whilst it has improved in recent years I still do it.
This is great Sue Q to see how 50 years of biting your nails can be changed in a few months. Incredible really when you think about it. I get what you say about you eating away at yourself and the anger towards yourself. It makes sense and I have often wondered what nail biting was really about and now I know because I can feel what you are saying. Sharing true experiences like this helps us instead to take responsibility and know that we can change and it is never too late.
Thank you, Bina. That’s what I love about this blog – that it is never too late to start building a more loving relationship with yourself, and this can be life changing.
I agree Bina, Sue sharing her experience shows how deeply healing self love,self care and taking responsibility for ourselves is, and yes it is never too late.
This is amazing and lovely to read. By introducing self love and self care to yourself a habit disappeared without you even trying : )
Thank you for sharing such an amazing example of how focusing on removing the outward part we don’t like within a behavior does not remove the cause of the issue. By applying more self-love we get to become aware of what happens before the bad behavior and if that is stopped the behavior does not appear as it has no fuel.
Another beautiful story where, without focusing on the ‘problem’ and addressing the ‘you’ within, the cause beats the symptoms. I can feel from your writing that there was no force or pressure from yourself over this, just some choices being made with a little more focus, awareness and attention. It is amazing to hear and see the transformation that takes place naturally when a little more self love is considered and allowed.
Thanks Sue for sharing your experience of nail biting and how easy it was to change this habit of a life time, once you looked at the cause and not the behaviour.
It reminded me of one of my relatives who sucks their thumb and has done so since a very young child and as a result the thumb is stunted in growth and the nail is deformed. It just goes to show that there is a root cause to all of our seemingly harmless behaviours – something deeper is going on.
Hi Sue, this is a great example of how dealing with just the symptom doesn’t often work. I’ve found if I ignore what actually caused my symptom to happen, it just returns…
How revealing of what lies beneath our self-harming habits. Amazing how quickly an issue can be let go of once the truth about why it is there in the first place is revealed and accepted, even if it has been around for 50 years! Such an inspiring piece, Sue. Thank you!
Beautiful Sue. A very real and practical example of how things can change without effort, when we bring self-love and care into the equation.
Your story is a great inspiration and demonstration of how by looking at the root cause of our ills we can come to a place of understanding and things that are not us can simply fall away. I was never a nail biter, but I was an overeater and again by looking at the reasons behind it and not trying to lose weight, weight has just fallen off.
Thank you Sue for sharing your experience. You offer great inspiration. In the past I have addressed many issues with various modalities at what I now realise to be the symptom level and found that there always remained an underlying aspect of the issue that had supposedly been addressed. It was not until the introduction of true self-love and true self-care was presented to me by Universal Medicine that things really started to change with consistent permanence. I have found all the Esoteric Healing Modalities and the loving support of the Esoteric Healing Practitioners to be an immense support on the road to true healing of past hurts and issues.
Thanks for sharing your story Sue. It shows that trying to deal with the symptoms doesn’t really work, or will only be a temporary fix. Dealing with the cause of your nail biting and healing, that is what gave you the lasting result.
I wonder how many ‘bad habits’ can be zapped with self love and appreciation? A lovely story of treating the cause and not the symptoms.
“It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” Ouch! Great story Sue. A beautiful example of how treating the symptoms does not work, and how treating the cause allows the healing naturally.
Thank you Sue, this is a great example of how Universal medicine’s teachings can help to break a habit, (which is probably quite widespread), by working on self-love.
Thank you for sharing Sue, its great how the life-long habit stopped without you even trying to stop it but rather as a result of developing a more loving way of being with yourself and living. I have found many things have happened for me in a similar way, they just are not a part of my life any more.
Thank you Sue for sharing your story, it is a great insight and shows how simple it can be to turn around something which we have lived with for such a long time. As you say, we try to fix things by looking at the symptoms not the cause. I’ve done that too, but if just a few people follow your lead, then a few more, then a few more – it will make a huge difference to the world.
What I love about this, Sue, is that stopping biting your nails is now a bonus side effect of something much bigger: you developing a loving relationship with yourself. Whereas before, as you say, there was an over focus on the symptom (nail biting) that needed to be stopped. So sweet, so simple, so powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Yes Matilda, a bonus side effect as I had thought nail biting was with me for ever. How many more old habits can gently fade away?! Finding my way back to love – the answer for many issues…….
I agree Matilda, definitely a bonus side effect of something much bigger.
The fact that you, Sue, committed to be more nurturing and self-loving and started to accept and appreciate who you really are, meant there was no space left for the old habit, so it died without you even having to think about it. Amazing, I am finding similar is happening in my life too. Could this way of living be the way forth?
Thank you Sue for sharing this beautiful story about a habit that gently died as you developed your self-loving and self-nurturing ways. What a great example for us all as to how simple it can be to change habits that do not serve our bodies by treating the cause and not the symptoms.
Yes it is amazing how simple it can be, if we let it! As we all return to the love we truly are………
Thank you, Sue. I really appreciate what you’ve written about letting go a life-long habit without trying. I have found this to be true of habits I’ve had for my whole life as well. One day I’d just realize that I haven’t had the habit for a long time, and that there was no effort needed at all to stop.
As we return to our true selves old habits gently fade away. How great is that?! As you say we can suddenly realise we don’t have that particular habit any more. Self loving is the key, together with appreciation.
Hi Sue, thank you for sharing your story – I also bit my nails into my thirties, and had tried various techniques to stop – NLP, Kinesiology, false nails, none of them successful. I would sit on my hands and keep my fingers curled trying to hide the often very sore and battered and bloodied finger tips.
I was introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon 9 years ago and even though it wasn’t a specific focus of my healing my nail biting has stopped. I absolutely relate to what you have shared “my self-loathing and lack of self-love in my case manifested as nail biting which I used as a form of anger against myself. It was safer to literally “eat myself” than to show my anger outwardly.” I remember first learning about the notion of self love and recognising that I was living in a way that was so far from being self loving. It has been a journey of return and reminding that I actually am aware of everything – Re-learning how to live in a Self-loving and nurturing way.
I now have beautiful long, healthy, strong nails which I enjoy painting,filing and cutting and there is not an inch of me that has a desire to bite them- ever! Like Sue thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have dealt with the cause, not the symptom.
Isn’t it great that when we start to care and love for ourselves our old habits can gently fade away, without recourse to any special attention? As we both found, getting to the root was the key. We had both focused on symptoms, not the cause and had got nowhere!
Sue, Thanks for sharing this inspiring story on the changes that can happen in our lives simply as a result of introducing and developing self-care and self-love.
It still feels amazing to me that by focussing on loving ourselves so many changes can happen in our lives, without any due attention.