by Victoria Lister, Brisbane, Australia
Of late, I’ve been pondering the choices I’ve made throughout my working life a lot. I’ve also been exploring the reasons why I’d taken on roles that weren’t natural to me as an individual or as a woman, and how I’d aligned with the energy of driven-ness that permeates so much of the working world, depleting myself in the process. It also started me thinking about women and high-profile jobs, and why there are (relatively speaking) so few of us in them.
Indeed, in this country right now there’s consternation in parts of the corporate world (echoed in the media from time to time) around the lack of women in high-calibre board roles. The ‘suggestion de jour’ is that the issue be resolved by legislating for a fixed percentage of female directors – as happened in Norway earlier this year, where a 40% quota is now mandatory.
There’s also been a fair amount of press surrounding the release of a book called ‘Lean In’, by Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook. I haven’t read it, but from articles on it I’ve gleaned she believes the reason why there are so few women at the top is because we generally lack confidence when it comes to seizing what we want, and we have a tendency to compromise too much of ourselves in favour of our partners and children. Her exhortation is that rather than back away from the boardroom table, we need to ‘lean in’ and assert ourselves.
But it occurs to me to ask: in all the years this issue has been debated, has anyone thought to check in with women as to what they really want? Granted, there are lobby groups agitating for change, representing those women who are keen to participate in the same decision-making arenas as men. However this push for ‘women at the top’ overlooks one thing: women have been steadfastly ‘failing’ to fulfil the promise of a generation of feminists for years now – refusing top roles and opting out at mid-management levels, seemingly for family reasons.
But I’ve often wondered about this ‘phenomenon’, and feel the real reason women aren’t well-represented in top roles is not always because they’re torn between home and work, eventually deciding in the favour of the former (though it might end up looking that way), but because deep down they know what the true cost of such a role would be. I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.
It would seem some of this country’s most influential women agree. An article, ‘Facebook boss: what women do wrong’ in the May 2013 edition of The Australian Women’s Weekly examines this very topic, surveying a number of women in high-powered roles. Many of these women felt “…the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men”.
ABC newsreader Juanita Phillips would also seem to concur. In a quote from her recent book (from the same article) she says, “I seriously question whether many women want to be involved in the business or political world the way it is now… It’s brutal and soul-destroying, and almost completely incompatible with a balanced life. Obviously, women have the skills and desire to be in positions of power, but, because that world is generally hostile to women, they tend to drop out, or not even try in the first place. It’s no surprise that women choose more life-affirming career paths, like starting their own businesses or working from home.”
I know for myself, the thought of doing what it might take to obtain and maintain a role in a high-stakes environment as it currently exists feels like a bad idea. Something in me says quite clearly, “No, I don’t want that, it doesn’t feel right… it feels like if I chose that, I would have to give up something precious and fundamental within me”. From what I observe of women in top roles, many seem to go into a hardness to deliver what is expected of them… so I don’t feel inspired – more saddened – by the compromises I sense they are making.
I don’t feel this possibility – that women might actually prefer not to get involved with the demands of a high-profile career – gets explored. Instead, we either silently go along with the notion that women ‘just don’t have what it takes’, or – as the women in business lobby groups have promoted in recent years – we make it all about a lack of opportunity, being passed over for promotion, and the glass ceiling (although there is a reality to these issues too).
But I don’t feel these reasons represent the whole or true story, and I suspect if you asked a random bunch of women if they’d like a high-powered executive or blue-chip board role, many would say no. It would be even more interesting to also ask them why, and include in the sample group of respondents women who don’t have children or other dependents and therefore aren’t necessarily needing to choose between family and career.
Come to think of it, we have the opportunity to do some research right here and now. What do you feel about this issue? Have you ever thought about taking on a high-powered role? Did you, only to find it did come at too great a cost? Do you know women who have? It’d be great to read your comments, women and men both, below.
Further Related Reading:
Stress & Work: Learning to Trust Myself As a Woman
Words on Serge Benhayon 
I’m not sure why a high powered corporate role needs to be considered more important than a role at home, either way we have a powerful effect on the world, either a loving one or a not so loving negative one. That to me seems to be the true focus needed. If a woman raises children with strong values and decency and they go out into the world and bring those values that to me is a high powered role. A CEO could be a nightmare to work for and have a detrimental effect on staff. I feel it needs to be more about what we bring to the world and not the exact role – for women and for men.
One reason I know I have not stepped into more high power roles is because I have felt the jealously and comparison that I would receive from other women, in the past I have contracted against this instead of standing tall in my own purpose.
“…the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men” – true, but what I feel is how that is already in the basis of this world as a whole, that the true essence of women is not welcomed. Agree – it is more accentuated in some areas than others, but what if women themselves have already adopted the way of being that denies their essence to begin with and are more keen to just go along with the way of the world? Whether women are being who they are or not does not have to rely on whether they are engaged in a high-profile job or not.
A woman entering work in her true power as a woman with not one ounce of drive nor male energy, is a leader in a true sense and like a queen bee, there is a magnetic pull to support such a true way of being. This then has ripple effects all throughout. Likewise, a man surrendered to his true power and gentleness can lead in a way that is inspiring of the same in others.
Taking on a top role comes with its challenges and asks a person to step up in more ways than we often realise. Gender wise I feel there is not a difference for both genders are dealing with the same thing – the same stresses the same onslaughts etc – men are not ‘more designed’ to deal with this than women. However, it certainly takes someone with a solid foundation of self care and self love, and a deep connection with themselves to work steadily with maintaining this foundation and connection through no matter what work they do. For in the end, man or woman, it is not about how much one can endure the onslaught of such a top role, but more about how we can bring our natural qualities and strengths to blossom and transform the role and environment we work in. Not an easy thing to do in our current world that is set to destroy rather than build a person in a role of responsibility.
Sounds like to me we all have to sell our soul in some way to get to the top in the current climate and this is being exposed in many ways in the 2018 Robin Hood movie produced by Otto Bathurst.
Taking on a high powered role is easy if you totally surrender to a bigger purpose and bigger plan, get yourself out of the way and know that all is needed will be given.
I personally don’t feel that women need to be at the top of the game in the big corporations. If we lived in the fullness of who we truly are changes would happen naturally because the magnetic pull for men to then live as they truly are would too hard to resist.
When we live in presence, in purpose, connected to our soul, we are incredibly powerful, whatever our position.
This makes sense to me and would be my reason for not wanting to be in a high-powered position; ‘I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.’
This is such a great topic to consider. Can women and men remain in their sensitivity and lead in a system that doesn’t support such qualities?
Nailed it Karin – this is the challenge, living all that we are whilst a system tries to put one in a box (a super small box too!).
From my own personal experience I would say that when women go for management positions in the corporate world they do so from a male energy of drive. If you watch them they may be wearing a dress and high heels but their movements and the way they behave is with the same male energy as men. I agree with you when you say that
“the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men””.
Would they be saying no to responsibility?
The thing is that anything outside of what is and feels natural is something we go into for a reason that is alien to our essence.
Many people feel there is a richness to be felt in working in harmony together rather than forcing their way to the top of the pile only to find that material wealth is never enough.
That’s interesting what you have written Mary, because one of the senior managers was asked to leave the company and since his departure the whole company has come together in a more cohesive way. There is still a lot to work through but everyone seems much happier now the pressure of competition amongst ourselves has been taken away. It was a very toxic environment, because the man at the top was so sensitive he couldn’t cope and he lashed out at the sales team because he was unable to cope with the relentless pressure of making more money for the parent company. When we make life solely about making a profit we lose touch with our sensitivity, so is it possible that if we are not in touch with our feelings then in that numbness to ourselves we can push through in total disregard to ourselves and our health. If we are in tune with ourselves we know there is no way we can brutalise our bodies. There must be a way of working that supports us all to take more care of ourselves, but while we chase the profit monster this will not happen.
Most of us of either gender say no to high-profile roles. Among those who say ‘yes’ there seem to be more men but really it is a choice of the individual how much they want to contribute.
The cost can be huge – for both men and women – childfree or not. The current model of leadership in society is all about outdoing everyone else. Time for a change methinks.
Both the qualities of men and women are needed in business and high profile roles. We all bring something unique to our jobs, and having all of us in these fields diversifies and expands on what’s possible within our organisation.
I ran to be elected in our local council a couple of years ago and at one stage in the long, busy and at times stressful campaign I was in tears. I was told by a few that I needed to ‘harden up’. My response was, do we really need another ‘hardened politician’ or even more succinct, another hardened female politician. And no. We don’t.
Some high profile women become even harder, to compete and win out against their male counterparts. Be great to have tender caring women leaders to show there can be a different way….
Sarah thank you so much for sharing because you have highlighted what we are asked to do from a very young age, to ‘harden’ when everything about us is screaming not to harden but to retain our sensitivity.
We are taught that sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt us. Calling people names and being disrespectful to each other is very harming and has a lasting effect on our bodies that we then carry unresolved into adulthood.
At what cost to ourselves as women would this position be, ‘ From what I observe of women in top roles, many seem to go into a hardness to deliver what is expected of them… so I don’t feel inspired – more saddened – by the compromises I sense they are making.’
Could it be so difficult for women because if women in their true grace would bring unprecedented change to a world that doesn’t want to change?
It’s like a vicious circle where our lack of confidence erodes and undermines our self-worth all the more and the cycle goes around and around perpetuating itself.
I am a director of a company. And as a woman, I am coming to understand the forces that come at you from being in that role. People expect you to be hard and fierce. They expect you to make sacrifices and fight for your right. And all of this communicates back to other women that this is the only way to be in this position. But what if it’s not? What if we can make it about people and relationships first and bringing a level of care to the workplace unseen before? That is what I know is possible each day, and whilst I might not play hardball, I have the truth to base conversations on. Whilst I might not strategise everything, I read what is going on and what is needed. And whilst I don’t assert myself as the boss, I make it about relationships and people working together, and I pull people up when they aren’t also living this.
“What do you feel about this issue?” — there are definitely not many women in high profile jobs. Does it really matter though. The pace is faster which means more and more motion. This is man’s expression and although I do not agree with the faster and faster space, women do not need to go into more masculine expression to keep up.
“Have you ever thought about taking on a high-powered role?” I did just recently and my body said no to the level of activity required for the role in and out of work.
“Did you, only to find it did come at too great a cost?” It honestly did on a deeper level but I did not register it at the time.
“Do you know women who have?” Yes, I am aware of one .. and they’re much more closed off than what I normally receive.
A true leader is on equal terms with everyone and leads from behind to make sure that everyone is keeping up.
What qualities does a true leader have, yes to what Kathleen shares above, maybe humbleness, maybe enrichment of others, along with many other qualities.
We can begin whatever role we want , as long as we are coming from the true beauty of our womanliness first.
Yes it is probably true that many women don’t feel to change themselves so much to fit the role of being in high position in business. It does beg the question though how men are coping with this and if we could do it any other way.
And whether women could be the trailblazers, showing another way.
I love that question Lieke, ‘how men are coping with this and if we could do it any other way.’
Until we have organisations that truly support their workers we will continue to have both men and women not step up into the roles that are suited to them.
True leadership is what is missing. True leadership brings everyone up, treats everyone as equally important and holds everyone equally responsible for the whole.
Yes that is a great point Kathleen. The way that leading is done is more of a doing it all approach, being super busy and having no time for family or anything like that but have we ever stopped and asked ourselves if this is true leading? What if we could do all that when there is no emotions like frustrations, stress, anger and drama? We would have way more space and simplicity in having a leader’s role. It also asks all employees to step up and do the same so there is a whole committed unit to do the job.
Good point Kathleen. It would be great if true leadership, coming from both men and women, were to show there is another way.
True leadership is very much needed in our society, how great to have that as a reflection.
We have all been mislead by the picture of being a leader. A true leader inspires others to see the leader in themselves and go for it. it’s not about being the boss but knowing who we are regardless of the job, doing what is needed, rather than what we are paid for and seeing the value of what we bring to our work and our lives more broadly.
Jennifer I totally agree with you when you say
“It’s not about being the boss but knowing who we are regardless of the job, doing what is needed, rather than what we are paid for and seeing the value of what we bring to our work and our lives more broadly.”
In many ways saying ‘no’ to high-profile roles is a question of priorities, good and less supportive ones and we weigh them differently. Many men also choose to say no to such roles, though probably a smaller percentage of those who are capable of such roles.
Women have a lot to offer, but running a macho type company in the masculine way is not being true to womanhood. Many women run their own businesses on their own terms and are very successful at it.
Thankfully, you don’t have to run them in a full-on masculine way. There are alternatives and one can have their own style.
I love what you opened up here Victoria! I see a lot of women in hardness and drive because they want to be successful- they want to belong and to be seen. I actually never thought about the very conscious choice that we, and I agree, also take, to not be actually at the top of the management because it would totally destroy us. But how many of us are aware of that? There is definitely a price to pay, when you want to be in high profile roles. Either your body suffers a lot or you are aware of the greater picture and the purpose why you are there and you are living a life that supports you to be on front-foot all the time to be prepared. The price you pay in the second example is the one, where you have to say goodbye to your individualisation. What price are you paying or avoiding to pay?
I think more women in corporate roles is the way forward, and by that I mean more true women, so caring, understanding, delicate, incredibly truthful and unafraid to show their beauty and their power – every business needs that magic touch.
If we live in our daily life who we truly are as women consistently the world gets the chance for a different reflection. Women seek more truth in their life than ever, they just need some true and accessible role models, who have already discovered and reawakened that the true power lies in all the qualities you mentioned above.
Yes, women can be just as bad as men but overall things seem to be more stable when women are also in a position of power and influence.
It is such a given that to succeed one has to be tough and go it hard. I wonder if there’ll be some women who are connected with themselves who can introduce another way of doing business which does honour them and those they come into contact with that is as productive or more so. This new way of doing business will no doubt inspire women and men to work in a different way that respects themselves, their clients, the environment etc.
Women who step up often become hardened and try to follow the previous (probably male dominated) style of leadership. Evolving a new way of working would be great – but because they aren’t towing the line, these woman may not get the possibility of trying this out. And knowing what they are up against, many dont want to fight extra battles?
Often the women I see in these roles have joined the ‘brutal’ culture and have let go of their sensitivity and care and become part of the cold face of business. These are the ones who are often (not always) promoted because they will not expose the systems but will play ball with it.
What a great point. They system is self-serving and will promote those that promote it. But at some point people will say they no longer want to be crushed in this way – or their health will no longer support this lifestyle and something will have to change.
Karin is it possible we are seeing via the health statistics the damage we are doing to ourselves, with high rates of heart disease, alcoholism, mental illness to name a few of the end results of the pressure we put ourselves under, both men and women.
Women in the workplace have so much to offer – when women realise that what is needed in the workplace is for them to simply be themselves. This is not the case en masse today sadly, as women tend to try and compete with the men and in many ways become like men. Not only does that woman lose herself in this, we all lose.
I am currently in the process of stepping up to a new level of leadership at work and it is surprising how much it is challenging me. I can see how I need to let go of any ideals and beliefs around it and just allow myself to just be myself in whatever role I have.
Leadership roles are laced today with expectations we place on ourselves as well as those of others. The very notion of what it is to be a leader is twisted. Because what is it to truly lead? We have mixed it up with the concept of false hierarchies and superiority ideals, whereas a leader in truth is one who inspires others to be in the equalness and grandness each of us are. A leader inspires the leader in others. This is how a leader truly inspires change.
I love how you uncover the pictures of true groupwork. Which working in a company for example always is. Yes, there must be somebody that leads in a sense, but no other is less important than the actual leader. We often put all the responsibility over the one who is on top of importance ( which is a lie in itself and at the same time very comfortable as well because it does not challenge you to step up to your power) , instead of feeling and expressing that everyone carries the same responsibility and is equally important in their expression. The fact that no one has to do it on their own, would take the pressure of someone being head of company and would ask the others automatically to respond to more responsibility. Lifting the blinds of false hierarchies and living true groupwork will release all the tension that is created nowadays in companies etc., that in fact is not serving us but keeping us stuck in the unbalance of people who misuse their power and people who give their power away.
A true leader inspires the leader in others.
I am a mother who is also a co-founder of a business. This role was not on my plan. I was never heading for ‘the top’ so to speak due to how I had seen women harden and change in these roles and how it is much about knowledge. But I have had a different experience. I have been lovingly supported by my husband and people around me to simply be all of me and express the truth I know. What I notice in myself is a willingness to speak up, to ask questions, to stay curious – to say what I feel. And in this – I do not fear speaking to people with more ‘knowledge’ than me. And I always remember something Einstein said – that if we cannot explain it simply then we have not understood it – and so I don’t doubt myself when I don’t understand something – I see it as a relationship development between me and the other person. That has really supported me to be in the role I am in and not go into a drive or hardness or a need to get it right.
You do not see many women in high power positions who are living as the true woman they innately are. The reflection of this sacredness would be too strong for many at this present time and in most cases more pressure is placed on them to be harder and more in male energy to compete and prove themselves in the role
The reflection of this sacredness, starts with women living this in their everyday life, it is then possible for this to be lived in a leadership position.
Interesting that I have come back to re-read this blog today, as just yesterday I was speaking with my partner about how common it is to see that people in high-ranking corporate positions have adopted a lifestyle to get there that is not only brutal to their body and health, but they have also ‘played the game’ of manipulation and control of others in order to get to the top at the expense of others.
The question to ask is: Has the time come to redo climbing the ladder? Can one climb and bring everyone in the company with them in equal appreciation of the work each person does in keeping the company alive, functional and viable amongst the competition that uses the harshness of what we see and feel such positions to be?
In playing the game of manipulation you are correct Michael, life becomes a rat race of competition and back stabbing as we clamber over each other to get to the top of our ‘game’.
There are so many courses that you can sign up for that will support you to gain the upper hand and win the prize of being at the top of your ‘game’ but what no one is prepared to talk about is the price you pay with your health later in life. Alcoholism, mental health issues, Parkinson disease and dementia are just a few of the illnesses that can beset us later in life. I have seen men at the hospital and they are wrecks of their former selves and I have to ask the question, was it worth it?
I too have seen people in higher positions really struggling with serious health conditions; what is going on in the world that we have so many serious health conditions when we have so much support from the medical establishments.
Fighting for a cause is what actually plays out. All the movements are done with an intention to win and when or if there is change the only movement that is truly noted is that the goal posts are moved and the same game in played once again.
There are many roles women can take on and thrive at but are they truly successful? True success is feeling healthy, joyful, appreciative and in love with the world. I am not sure if many women who have made it to the top so to speak can say that feel all of these. The problem is we measure what is successful in all the wrong forms.
Looking at the recent revelation of endemic sexual harassment and worse, it can make sense not wanting to be involved in such an atmosphere.
“I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top” I love what you have identified here. We innately know, it is not healthy to live like this, as we need to go into such overdrive of our true natures.’.
Woman think they need to out man, men, we think this is the way we will gain respect of men. Ironically, we have it so wrong, men are crying out and waiting for women to be women. If we were to surrender to this grace, they do not have to try so hard to compete with us. Even though I am not in a corporate position, I consider myself in a high-power role. I own three business with about 35 staff in total. To be honest, it has not always been easy being in my authority when it comes to men that are working for you. Not all men but some still hold a belief that working for a woman means they are a joke or less of a man. The key is to express with the caring nature that we naturally hold as women, when I step away from that and go hard in anyway, I have found men react badly. We prefer to make it about men not accepting us and rejecting us but the true rejection starts in our own backyard.
Yes the issue is not whether woman occupy high profile positions or not, but rather women (and men) choosing to live true to themselves and then whatever it looks like will take care of itself…
Who created the brutal and soul-destroying place women have a problem being part of, unless they are willing to dance with the devil, it was us men. Not only do women have to sell their soul, but their essence is also part of the deal to join the club. Many women have risen to the top without hardening or giving up anything. It has taken generations to build what we now have, but change is in the wind.
‘The notion that women ‘just don’t have what it takes’, is busted apart in this article. Yes, it is absolutely possible that women to not want to contort themselves for a high pressure, high stakes position (excuse the pun) at the expense of their well-being, their health, their sanity, themselves and their families. It’s possible that other priorities are more important than the prestige of a high earning, leadership role.
That is true. It is also true that a person of either gender can make a huge difference and if one half of humanity downplays their role then we are all the poorer.
I know I have avoided going for positions with more responsibility. One of the reasons was because I felt I would be compromising myself since most of these jobs seem to take over your life and leave no room for balance. What I like about this blog and all the comments is seeing that there can be another way to be in a leadership role that does not have to necessarily be like its always been.
Maybe we need to rethink leadership and see it with more equality.
To ask the question, ‘what is the cost of having a high-profile role?’ is a pertinent one for both men and women. I would agree that many women are perhaps not choosing this because they feel the consequences of ‘cut throat’ pressure on their lives. My question is one regarding men… the consequences are the same for them… being in drive, competition, stress, looking for constant recognition and the trampling over others to get to the top of the tree mentality. Why is it ok for them to be working in this way, this is not natural for them either? It seems that a whole culture shift needs to happen from top to bottom with how we work and interact with each other, making the quality of respect the bare minimum, moving onto consideration, care and then love.
Yes I like the question you pose Rachel since the cost to men is the same as it is to women.
The way we have let our life be, is obscene. We have tolerated outright abuse, complete corruption, injustice and indecency. No wonder then, that when it comes to the crunch many of us just can’t play ball with this energy. I feel like women represent the delicate, vulnerable and precious part of us, whether they realise it or not. So their failure to comply with ‘industry’ is not a failure at all but a signal that something is not right. After all, our companies and organisations are just a reflection of the way we choose to live. I wonder if we were to look at our own choices whether they would have integrity? Perhaps this is what we need to ‘work’ on? Thank you Victoria for this powerful blog.
When reading this writing the saying came to mind ” if you cannot beat them join them ” . Any person is well capable of been all that they are if they want in what ever work they do.
A sold out woman in a job , that was once held by a sold out man will be of no service to anyone . The only change will be a physical gender. Truly it makes no difference who is in ” charge ” if they live from their energetic truth.
Simply great article and one that brings some light to what is something that is moved around the media. Has anyone actually asked the women what they want is a great question and one we shouldn’t ignore and it make sense that anyone seeing how things play out in the higher profile and pressure roles wouldn’t want a bar of it as it currently stands. Maybe a group of women should start their own group called the “The true reason women are in the positions they are in” or similar to bring some more light to what is really going on and also to knock out some of the agendas flying around. I loved this article and it simply brought some awareness to me around a subject that I just assumed was true because I heard it and yet I am not sure I ever truly asked a women why.
Society tends to see the lack of women in power positions as a problem. If we consider what that package brings to women who are not in the livingness, it is fair to ask whether this is really a problem we have to be concerned about it or whether the problem that has to concern us is why are they not in their livingness and what can be done about it?
The irony is that for the business world to truly change and transform itself, we do need women in higher positions – women that stay true to themselves as women while being in these senior executive roles. A woman’s influence and power is not in how much she can act like a man – that is a brutal force no better than what the business world thrives on today. Her power comes through her grace and her stillness, her natural capacity to hold herself and others in this quality. When that is brought into a boardroom, it is amazing what can take place and transform.
It is very rare to see a woman in the higher echelons of the business world being a woman – and this is a sad state of affairs indeed, because it is exactly what business needs in order to evolve. Rather than a woman remaining connected to herself and knowing that it is in and from this connection that she can inspire real and sustainable change, she sells herself out to a model that she does know is false to the core.
But there will one day come a time when women will go into senior levels of management and executive positions without selling themselves out in the process of doing so. This is an inevitable fact that awaits the evolution of women returning back to who they are and for the business world to turn itself around from being based on the pillars of competitiveness and scarcity to one of real collaboration and evolution for all.
There are many demands on women, specially with home life, family, children and running a home, to add to the stress of a high profile job is for many women too much, because it puts a great strain on the family, however my feeling is that if more women built a support team around them, which means asking for help and accepting help, and realised that it’s more about managing rather than having to do everything oneself, more women would take on more high profile jobs.
It would be great to see women in top positions who don’t succumb to the brutality and dog eat dog mentality of life in the realms ‘above the glass ceiling’ and support each other with the changes that are clearly needed.
The ‘traditional’ driven-ness that business men are often expected to take on or act out isn’t natural for men either. There is a big difference between true purpose vs being driven; there is a way for us to be totally committed to work and it’s something that begins outside of the work in all other areas of our life too.
Sometimes women make decisions to get a job in reaction to what is going on around them so it is vital to be honest with what truly supports us and those around us. Getting a job just to tick boxes doesn’t work and in the long run catches up with us in one way or another. What we may think is support whether it is for ourselves or others can be in truth for self gain and not for in service to the all.
I am a director of my husbands business – and although I started off in one area of the business – I am now seeing the pull to be a lot more involved in the whole business and support people in general. I don’t see myself in a high powered role – I just see an increased responsibility and need to be with people. In fact most of my day is becoming about having conversations with people and supporting them – and I am loving this role and what I am learning about humanity.
i have been a Trustee/Director of a charity for many years but have never felt it was ‘high-powered’ but a responsibility for a shared care of the purpose of the charity and support and care for all the employees. No different to being a mother within a family.
This article is a snap shot of how women are treated in general. Yes, high profile roles come with demands and conditions many do not wish to live by, but so to does general life. Could this be why we have women and children needing refuge, women and young girls being trafficked for sex and countless other horrific treatments of women. Could it be that what we see and feel in high profile roles is a direct result of the disregard and disrespect that women are treated with?
Reading through some of the comments here is really interesting. They’re all valid, pointing to a multifaceted issue. I feel overall though nothing will change unless we make it change – by leading a gentle but claimed and powerful revolution that says ‘No, that is not how it should be done – this is how we do it’.
Another well-written blog on how we are at work by Victoria Lister. From my observation I agree with this — “Obviously, women have the skills and desire to be in positions of power, but, because that world is generally hostile to women, they tend to drop out, or not even try in the first place.” We are not in full support of women being in power. There is too much competitiveness rather than bringing out the best in another. We are attacking each other’s talents and skills. The way out is to claim that inner-knowing within and feel what feels right to you. Can I lead by how I need to live in full support of the woman I am or am I fully content leading in support – this goes for men too? We are no different within.
I have had many opportunities to have high powered roles but the cost has been too high for me. I am part of a team. Also, there is a lot of ego and self aggrandizement that goes on that gets in the way of it actually being about people and purpose.
I was recently conversing with someone who had been to a health care conference which had called for the following year for more women to present. This female stated that she would rather go see the best presenters/presentations regardless if they were from a woman or a man. I have to agree.
As I read this tonight I feel deeply that to take on such roles from the driven and exhausted way of living we as women are faced with in today’s society would certainly make a woman feel like not wanting to accept the extra pressures and stresses of high profile roles. But a woman claimed in her essence, feeling fully at home in her body, with the vitality and strength that she naturally holds her living way, a high profile role would be a walk in the park. From this I feel a great importance in supporting women today to again remember who they are and that living from this brings the steadiness and confidence needed to take on the world.
From what you’ve shared here Victoria it is not such a bad thing that so many women are passing senior roles up. There can be no true value added to our communities if women are prepared to sacrifice the quality they can bring for the sake of a position or achievement.
Such great questions posed here Victoria, there is a lot I see in my working life where women are so capable of being in very senior roles, yet they opt out and choose to be at home or raising their families. There is a lot of pressure put on women to be everything to everyone and that can be a challenge for all involved.
Where I work there are plenty of women in high profile jobs and their bodies are showing the effects of this. Most, if not all are carrying extra weight and a sense of hardness in their body that does not reflect the delicate and precious beings that they are. Most are surviving on coffee and sugar to get them through the day.
We all have the power within to work in any role without compromising who we are.
I am currently working in a career that may lead me to be in a high powered role. For me the focus of my ‘career development’ is to maintain and deepen my integrity. Working in the business world can be high pressured and hence many temptations present like take short cuts and compromising the level of care and service others deserve to get the job done and meet your KPI’s, becoming competitive with your colleagues, becoming resentful of your seniors or the systems you work in, developing an attitude that you don’t even like your job etc. etc. I could go on and on but you get the point. The only things that I have found that works when the pressure and intensity presents is deepening my commitment to work and my clients – they deserve absolute attention, thoroughness and connection and I deserve to enjoy what I do. Its all those extra bits of detail that you bring to the workplace where you really grow and blossom.
Women are often quite good and seeing all of life and knowing all the commitments they have in life. Our role in society has allowed for this whereas for men, their role has been more focused on being the provider. Focus, solely (or mostly) on providing has meant that it’s ok for them to shirk other responsibilities in life and can be justified so much so that the responsibilities can seemingly get taken away from them to allow for their provider role to be fulfilled. With women we have kept our role where we see more of the roundedness of life and can feel the impact of a life lived out of balance. From that place, we are more able to see the impact taking on a high powered job will have on all areas of our life.
There is little of appeal to me in a high-powered position, however my decision to take one on or not today (free of children) would depend much more on how much could be achieved by doing so. During the years of raising a child however, I would not have been likely to consider such a role, particularly as a single parent.
Women have the power to do things differently and break through the monotony that we don’t even realise that we are stuck in.
I would only say yes to a high profile role if I knew, absolutely, that I was strong enough within myself, in that I could give it everything while never compromising the quality and beauty in my life.
I see some women at work in a high-powered role whose body has already very clearly indicated how it’s not working for them, yet they feel very strongly against saying ‘no’ to a potential of going even more higher up in the ladder. And they may be well known and highly respected in their field of professions and get paid a lot of money, none of them look joyful or well. Who knows maybe that’s putting out a message to a younger generation that this is not the way to go.
From a very ‘safe’ distance I have always felt that the way people conduct themselves in big business is very unappealing and I was never interested to enter the arena to invent myself to fit the requirements. However to break this cycle there is much wisdom in participating in the more challenging areas of life, be it business or what ever as our complete selves, living true balanced lives, offering a reflection that perhaps there is another way.
What does this ‘brutal and soul-destroying’ business world produce? Results – but at what cost?
Stressed, exhausted and depleted people is the by-product of the business world. In a comparison, American football grooms boys to men to play the game! There is no retirement plans or workmen’s comp for injuries. If you are injured and can no longer play you are efficiently disposed of. In all aspects of our working world, there is always someone in the queue behind you that is that little bit more hungry. Why would women willingly want to enter this meat grinder?
I work in the Health and Social Care sector in the UK. In my experience there are a higher proportion of women to men in this line of work and many in senior positions. I do feel that in many cases, to get into those higher management roles, women have to make a choice to use more masculine strategies rather than stay in the fullness of their innate femininity. Equally, I know men, who have rejected these roles because it requires them to negate their own life balance and sell out their natural tenderness. There comes a point it seems where we are faced with a choice to honour our natural sense of who we are, or contort ourselves into a ‘shape’ that fits the system in order to get on.
“From what I observe of women in top roles, many seem to go into a hardness to deliver what is expected of them” – this is the woman going into the man’s role, abandoning her natural self in the process. More often than not the environment is not set up to support the woman presenting as it is truly needed. And at the same time, so many women have forgotten what it is like to be themselves and to live and work from this space, hence why they are so quick to adopt a drive to perform. What is interesting is that women are very good in support roles. But we can also take this one step further, to say that a great leader is only one who knows how to be a great supporter too – it comes from the connection with all others. So as women we certainly have the capacity, it is just a question of how we activate this in order to bring about true change in the world.
Regardless of being a man or a woman, there is still the ‘drive’ issue to tackle about working,there is still the quality family relationships challenge to look at, there is still the challenge of balancing work life, family life and care, respect and nurturing of self. Anyone who works full time or more, still has to learn to balance and live all areas of their life with quality regardless of how ‘high profile’ the job is. But it is a given that in a high profile job much more hinges on the person – however the true success so to speak will only come from the person having a balance and connection with all parts of their life.
However, in some ways I feel women can very much have a hand in leading the way in how this can be done. Victoria you are spot on in sharing that how this is currently done with the drive, the ‘need’ for equality, the need to ‘prove’ that women are at a par to men – this boxes women into the role in a way that cannot truly lead the way. When boxed in, a woman is simply asked to turn into a man and run the show in that way with detriment to her body and family and society. Now this is not to say that men run the show poorly, it is to say that it is not natural for a woman to run things like a man – and this is the first key foundational stone in understanding that whilst men and woman are equal, the qualities they bring to reflect are in many ways different and hence the expression of these qualities is different. Women and men can certainly lead the way but this way does need to be revised for everything that we have tried thus far in the majority of society has failed. And yet there are pockets where this leading the way is being lived as an example – such pockets have come from the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and with The Way of The Livingness.
Change starts with our selves first. I have run my own business and worked for other people but in each job I can feel where I reach a ceiling and don’t want to go past it, I feel this is to do with not wanting to take on responsibility and not being confident in taking on roles that I felt I could not deliver. I don’t think I can pin point it to one particular thing but the more confident within myself and the abilities I know I have and understanding that work is about people and not about money and success has changed how I view my job. Appreciation is key at work and we don’t bring enough of this into the work place.
Great blog and great discussion to have. I actually want to flip this completely on its head and look at it a different way, not looking at why women are not in so many high-profile roles, CEO’s, Directors etc but instead look at the relationship as women we have with ourselves as I feel this is where is starts. Quality not quantity! I have never been a career driven person but what I have observed in my own life is the more love I have myself and the more committed I am to life generally (not just one aspect) a lot has unfolded for me including being present in meetings that in the past I would not have felt important enough to attend let alone share my opinion! So could it be instead of saying who’s at the ‘top’ and who’s not and why, we need to stop the whole gender inequality thing, take a step back and look at the relationship we have with ourselves and with life as a whole (both men and women) I am sure if we all did this we would see many beautiful changes happening. Sometimes its the smallest things that make the biggest changes.
Well said Vicky
So true and so well expressed, Vicky. Everything starts with ourselves though rarely do we start from there when there is an issue. When we do magic occurs.
Most positions at the top are highly demanding and competitive and I agree that in most cases a woman would have to compromise herself to live up to the demand. It makes sense that the drive to achieve this would be less in women in consideration of what may be sacrificed in holding such a position. This is something that should be addressed by industries worldwide… for the qualities that a woman can offer cannot be denied and positions should be adjusted accordingly so that hardness and drive are not a necessary component in their success at the expense of what else they can bring.
The moment you find yourself fighting for a cause, you need to stop and question what is driving you, for whilst there is a time when “fighting for a cause” is sometimes needed, more often than not, it is a mere distraction and in itself provides a form of identification for someone who is otherwise lost. In other words, it is often nothing to do with the “cause” at all. When lost at sea, any port will do, as they say.
Beautifully said Adam – it takes away our focus and distracts us from our purpose when the cause we are fighting for is not a true one.
Your words remind me Victoria, just how much we ‘soldier on’ in life, pushing ahead to be the one who is right, successful and in the end, promoted. But as you say do we ever stop and ask ourselves if this is what we want at the end of the day? When you look around at life today, it’s like we are all fighting to win the race, yet the prize we so desperately seek is not clear. What if this whole driveness is just a game to distract from what we are truly here to bring?
When we allow ourselves to live from the inside out rather than sculpt ourselves due to the demands and pressures of the world we are capable of anything and everything and much more!
In fact what you are sharing Victoria, is that our businesses are very male oriented, they are hard and tough and have to beat their competitors by working hard and long hours and in that completely dismissing the humanly needs of connectedness and love that actually should be at the basis of all businesses instead.
Interesting questions raised here. I have shied away completely from the corporate world. And recently am in the process of building a company! I thought I would hate managing people but when I realised I just needed to remain myself, not changing in any way I created an equal playing field so to speak and it has been easy to work with groups of people where I am the person instigating the focus of work. I feel not going into these ‘worlds’ is a giving up really and rather we can embrace positions that place us in what society deems power positions and by bringing our feminine selves to the party we can change the status quo without any fight.
I like what you are bringing out here. The thing is that we do not allow ourselves to live in a rhythm that supports us and combined with the strong belief that we always have to perform first and do what the world demands of us we easily feel overwhelmed and not fit for the job. So it is very much about to not forget about ourselves and put everything first but allowing ourselves to feel and live the worthiness that we are and bring this to any job/task, to life.
Being a woman in the workforce is an opportunity to be a woman in the workforce. Too often especially in senior roles we turn into a man. This is not a way of living or being for any woman.
Claiming and appreciating the stillness we bring in our reflection has the power to inspire others to emanate equally.
Beautifully put Viktoria, all letting us know the real effects that our current society is having on one another and that it is us as women who might have said no to high- profile roles.. but to also become aware of the fact that we as women can take responsibility for a new way of being in those roles; even if that has not been lived before, so not from hardness or toughness but absolute tenderness (to our best ability), and lets see how that goes.. Worth trying,.. Who has the courage?
A great and needed topic to discuss and look at in the world where the working environment especially at the top is very high powered and not conducive to a true way of living from who we are and an honouring of that and the quality that is accepted as a result is not all that it could be. This shows a different way and future for women in the work place and all women to bring about a beautiful change in the world from all levels of work and life if we connect to who we are and live this from our innermost self and sacredness.
In the current way businesses are run, it seems to be taken for granted that high powered jobs equate more pressure, more demands, less time with family, more expectations that require hardening up. Frankly I find it disturbing that such conditions and manner of working could be considered normal for anyone, be it a man or a woman.
Are women saying no because they are not prepared to live this harming way day in day out, therefore it has been assumed they are less capable? Are high powered jobs not so easily available to women due to misogyny as some equal rights campaigns tend to state? It is a great question. But either way our whole concept of business as well as the top jobs need reassessing. How loving and caring for people – that is all people: managers, employees, clients, society are they?
A great topic to discuss Victoria! And I agree if we want more women to be at the top and take the lead, we need to change the work ethics and atmosphere in those positions as they are very male oriented and motion driven. To do so would be very beneficial for our whole society, and men and women would profit alike.
Women could run the world quite easily, but not if it is done in a masculine energy trying to complete with or outdo the men. If women embraced their inner qualities and expressed them in everyday life their equality would not be questioned.
I think a lot of women look at the enormous pressures to succeed, the long hours, the lack of family life that a top job requires of you and say no to that type of life, opting to have some sort of balance between work and family life.
Maybe again Victoria, I want to thank you for asking this question, as we tend to make the norm from how things are generally done or organized. but maybe there is another way, a way of doing and organizing life, career and business that does not interfere with the life of women nor men, but allows them to be in full who they are without them to compromise on any aspect of their life because of the ‘super responsible’ job they have. For sure I as a man would like a management role too when this change will take place, and maybe I have to make this change in myself first.
Victoria, I am currently training as a teaching assistant and have been asked many times if I will then train as a teacher, my strong feeling is no, the reasons for this is that I can feel how much teachers put into their job; that work does not end when the children leave school, that there is marking, assessing, preparing – there are often late nights; working on weekends, I have observed that this can be a very demanding role and know that many teachers are leaving the profession and so I choose not to do this as having a work, life balance is important to me, I do not want my work to take over everything and become my whole life.
The way things are right now means that everything has to conform to a fast-paced and driven agenda that puts systems before people, where self-preservation and combativeness are seen as essential ingredients and not many women want to be part of that culture. But of course, the question arises: does it change if we only observe and judge it or do we need to get in there and show, by the way we live, speak, relate and generally conduct ourselves, that there is another way?
I guess what we all “really” want is to be ourselves without any attacks coming our way. Interesting that we have crafted a society where that is almost, and I do emphasise the world almost, impossible.
Considering the extraordinary levels of stress taken for granted in the workplace…really who would choose to be a part of such rat race unless it was redefined on terms that were totally different… In this redefinition is most solely needed.
I have been establishing a business and business projects and I know that I have made and continue to make adjustments concerning how I perceive what being higher profile, known, seen, responsible in work means. I am self employed so in some ways I am able to choose the environment I work in, and I know that I had no desire to be in what I thought are “cut throat, all work no play environments”, as a woman it just did not feel true. However more profile, responsible, authority, yes I can do that.
There are many successful ladies out there but not many who have not used male driven energy to get there.
There really is an absence of women in top roles within organisations. There is so much pressure to be everything to everyone, especially when women decide to have children, to feel in the workplace that they will be penalised if they need to leave for family matters. This is alive and well in today’s organisations, that are still heavily run by men. It is both men and women working together to change this dynamic.
An interesting topic to consider. It may be fair to deduce that men and women alike readily lose themselves to the roles they adopt be that high pressure top tier or at home, caring for the family.
We cannot truly step forward into our power whilst we abandon our true expression and essence in the name of success. Success can for some be failure and struggle as easily as it can be success and notoriety.
There is a further question of here of authenticity and true service and who is truly walking these shoes?
Absolutely Victoria, I agree that women’s absence from ‘the top’ is a telling inditement of ‘what it takes’. In my experience there is a plethora of health and safety requirements and work/life balance programs but these are just cheap talk without a living reality and what we are left with ultimately is just more ‘dog eat dog’ at the end of the day. Who truly wants to live this way? Each of us who works in businesses has the power to show and model that there is another way, that embraces our true femininity.
Victoria great topic to discuss. Women are realising the cost they are paying as an expense to their body is not worth going to the top and staying there. The drive and demands on the body are just not worth it. Only when men start to understand and appreciate their own sensitivity will this drive ease off, which will allow a fair chance for women, to not have to give up their sensitivity and tenderness.
Reading this nearly 4 years on I feel the next ‘X’ on the map for women is to strongly bring their femaleness – their deep sense of sacredness, not only a feminine look or presentation – as well as all their nous to the corporate space rather than stepping away altogether. So perhaps there is a ‘leaning in’ of a different kind to take place. If things are going to change, we’re going to have to lead that change, by bringing all of who we are.
This is an interesting topic to ponder on, and for me as a man I must say the same as many women, that how businesses are presenting high profile roles in their organisations, has never been attractive to me either as in that image they hold there is an energy that that does not allow any sensitivity, delicacy or tenderness we actually equally hold as our innate quality, both women and men. So also men that are in these roles do have to succumb to this way of being and to shut down the natural qualities they innately carry with them too. It will be a matter of time when we all will say that this is not the way to run businesses and to allow the real qualities of people to be utilised in running any business which will introduce naturally more equality in gender in the high profile roles.
Victoria there is so much in what you have shared here, in seeing how we are in corporate life and how it impacts all of us, women and men. There is a brutality in how we run our corporations right now and everyone is expected to fall into line in order to be successful, but there is also something where we allow this, and we expect people to meet this image in order to be seen as being successful. If we looked beyond image and asked how people really were, underneath all the outer success we would have a truer measure of what it is to be successful, but we don’t and so we laud those (mostly men) who are successful at the top and our societies put them up as role models to be followed and those who do not fit this mould (often women, but also men) are considered not quite the grade. The issue here is what we term successful and until we look at whole success in all of our lives, in how we are, our quality, our health, our well being, then this will not change. We need to be willing to challenge these images of success and work within these environments to show there is another way, otherwise nothing changes, and we stay outside looking in, or consider that we cannot change this. It starts with us, and our own images; do we in any way buy into an image which says this is how we have to be successful, and do we not see and feel how the person is in themselves everywhere? If we have these conversations and talk about how people are, we take it beyond gender and to asking how we all are and to a deeper understanding of how the quality we are in all our lives impacts everything – we bring it back to people and their quality and not just about getting the task done, imagine business done in this way? It would change the world.
Thank you Victoria, for opening this topic up for pondering on
The discussion on the percentage of women in directive roles comes from an image. Becoming one is also mostly driven by an image of she has to be in order to be credible and have power. Not becoming one can also be read from another image. The point is that a society is not more evolved because more women are leading but by their capacity to surrender to an inner quality that lives within them and inspire everybody to do likewise. For that leadership there is no replacement. No one can do it for them.
Very thought-provoking contribution and a real conundrum in today’s world; yes, glass ceilings are real but the deeper issue of how to be a part of the corporate and political culture as it is at present and not sell out to it does not go away until it is addressed at its roots. And these roots need untangling first – is one of the main ones our willingness to sabotage our true nature for anything and anyone that comes along and promises a reward of some kind?
I have not every really considered a high profile role due to having a very practical and hands on approach to work and so bigger corporate gigs never really appealed to me. The only job I had that I wore suit in and was in an office was Sales and Real Estate. After trying this I found that I much preferred making peoples coffee rather than dealing with the pressure of people assets and emotional baggage. The truth is I have fantasied about the high profile position but I haven’t really had the qualifications or the inclination to follow them up.
When I was offered a manager job my first impulse was ‘oh no – to much responsibility’. But I did it, had to learn a lot (what was confrontative) but enjoyed it at the end. But when I was expanding my and our responsibility and did go for more care for our employees, did go for less push – I’ve got fired. They said that I am overstrained by the responsibilities…thereby I would say they were. As long I did play in the arena of work ‘like it is’ and play within it in the same way – it was ok, but the moment I started to bring in a change into the way of it – it was over. But know I have ‘tasted blood’ and I am willing to go for it. I will do another education to prepare myself for more ‘top-roles’ and will bring a change into the system. I will support others in bringing a change as well. If we don’t do it – who will?
As women we carry an innately deep connection to wisdom, which is different to the intelligence that is championed within the board room and beyond in the corporate world, thus leaving many women to override their natural wisdom and compete in the realms of beating the men for positions using intelligence. It is not our natural expression and most don’t choose to go there, compromising and overriding their essence as a woman.
Why would anyone male or female choose to separate from their true essence for the sake of a job, no matter how much it pays.
Good point and even logical but we have made that separation from our true essence our normal and champion it to the hilt.
It’s interesting how my view of women in high power positions is changing. At one point I would have said no thank you, too much stress, inequality, etc. and felt overwhelmed by the prospect however as I grow in my relationship with myself and grow stronger in my body I see these obstacles less and less and agree with Vanessa McHardy in that we do not have to let the systems rule us. We can stay steady in ourselves and bring all that we are to the workplace making it a lighter and more expansive environment. As we grow and accept more responsibility we have a greater influence and can bring the true qualities of a woman to the work force, as it is called.
It is interesting my sister is in a high powered executive position in a big corporation and has a great work life balance, she has never let the job dominate every aspect of her life. So much of this is actually more about how we are within systems, the minute we fold to the system and stop being ourselves we lose a part of ourself and then its no fun. I agree with your comments about the politics big corporations are not necessarily environments anyone wants to work in – let alone women, but again I know myself that avoidance of positions of lead in projects was simply a refusal to bring the simplicity of me being me to everyone.
Beautifully expressed Vanessa, we have a choice about how we are in these roles and if we choose to let them dominate us. After all how do these systems change for all women and men, unless we’re willing to go in there, choosing to stay us and introduce another way? And you are correct we can stay outside and refuse to be in there, (and it’s not about sacrifice here), but there is something here in our refusal that is demanding that life needs to be another way with this (and it undoubtedly does), but is not willing to in fact muck in and show that other way – I work in corporate and I myself struggle with this one, with how it is, but I’m also beginning to more clearly understand that without my willingness to be there fully, and live in a way which allows this, I am not offering another way to a system which is obviously broken for both women and men. Your comment has me asking how willing am I to be in there being fully me, or am I playing a game with it by being half there and playing lip service to being there?
What you’ve shared here Victoria makes absolute sense – the ‘cost’ is clearly too high for many to consider taking on such high level positions.
A cultural shift is needed that will come from women claiming themselves across the board in our societies, and also, from men recognising and claiming their own sensitivity also. We have become a society so driven, at the expense of our bodies, our psyches, our well-being, our relationships… All fed by this culture of striving and attainment – seemingly at any cost.
Not to forget how far we can go with these behaviours that affect our general health and is showing alarming statistical rates of illnesses and disease.
Clearly we have a void of women being true to themselves as women in our workplaces, and so much of our society… That the pressure exists for women to become ‘like a man’ is case in point.
Creating laws to produce equality, is the same drive to “fix the problem”,that is running our world. Laws were created so that we do not have to take responsibility for what is not working, that we have created.
If we all took full responsibility for our lives, there would be no need for laws. This is how the natural world works.
Thank you Simple-Living Global and Universal Medicine for confirming to me that life is about taking true responsibility for all my actions.
There are two people I know man and woman, husband and wife who work as doctors, a highly stressful occupation and pressurised environment. I’ve observed in them both a quietness and steadiness in their bodies when they walk and talk. And wonder how it is they maintain this in the midst of the work they do.
This is merely an observation, I’ve not spoken to them about this. But one explanation could be their way of being flows from the quality of their inner selves and way they live their lives, simply and without much drama.
Any woman who has felt the preciousness of herself as a woman would not find any role that requires her to compromise her preciousness to be attractive, no matter what the recognition, status or monetary exchange are, simply because equality is everything and she will not put anyone or anything above or below the preciousness of herself.
I work in an industry where there are a lot of women at the top of the corporate ladder and it is obvious to see the toll this has on them and their body. It is no wonder that other women look at the devastation in these women’s bodies and decide not to have this for themselves.
Yes Elizabeth Dolan I have noticed the same in my workplace as well. A high number of female leaders have been living less of the vitality that is possible when they connect to their true purpose. In the last year I have observed female leaders have hysterectomies, bouts of pneumonia, knee reconstruction, adrenal exhaustion and the list goes on. The markers of truth and how we are living is reflected here. What is it that we are saying yes to, that is leading us far from the true purpose that we are here to share as women let alone the high profile positions?
They say it is a ‘man’s world’, and yet reading this article I relate and absolutely feel the same way that work and society has not been something that was ‘for me’. A battle for survival of the fittest where people were critiqued and pulled apart has never appealed or felt right to me. SO if this way isn’t true for you or me, what’s stopping us from seeing through the illusion that it has to be like this or can’t be changed to be another way? Victoria you show this world is not set in stone, but in the choices we make each day so let us make more loving ones and see what changes come.
Fabulous blog Victoria with a great point raised for discussion… my feeling is you are spot on about why many women don’t pull out all stops to climb the corporate ladder, and while many who begin their earlier career pushing towards the top, drop off before they reach the boardroom and upper echelons of the corporate world. Over the years in practise treating women, I have noticed that that hardness and drive required to achieve and compete at this level is unnatural to a woman’s body, and so the price she pays is extremely high. Unless she is willing to make her work and it’s fruits everything in life, forgoing the balance of loving family, relationships and social aspects, not to mention her health and wellbeing, then this choice to pursue the top jobs asks too much of her. This is something that definitely needs more exploration and conversation…
Thanks for raising a great point here Jenny Ellis. Often the high profile jobs bring with them expectations of accepting that this role comes with less hours with your family, limited time to build relationships and of course health and well being are last on the list. So often we brush aside these aspects in the race to produce more, sell more and be more in the work place all based on the drive approach. There is more on offer to others when we choose to remain true to building relationships, knowing when it is time to complete our work day, adding health work and self-care routines. These behaviours model the potential for change in others and give us permission to be more of our true selves in the work place.
Yes Natalliya, one day it will be the quality of work we deliver that will be valued and not the measurable temporal output or achievement. With quality work comes also a true honouring and respect for every aspect of how that work might be impacting everyone involved. If anyone is ‘paying a price’, then there is no quality of work done that is worth valuing.
Super worth considering more deeply before we simply accept the story that a) we’re not up to such responsibility or b) we can’t hack it… “I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.”
While not a CEO role I have taken on a higher responsibility role in my work very recently and what I am finding is, yes there is a pressure to be a certain way, but that pressure is only there if I feed it. So if I didn’t feed all those beliefs like ‘it’s all on my head if my team stuff up/carrying the responsibility of the actions of my team and how the service goes’ on my chest (and there are many more I have come across), if I didn’t feed them I could work in a way that honours how I feel to be in the job and this goes against playing the game of meeting these expectations that we have accepted as being part of our contract.
If by honouring ourselves in higher position roles would that not destabilise the very system and paradigms that says you have to go hard and turn into a man in order to be successful? Could that also be a reason why women avoid high-powered roles?
Great point Leigh. Perhaps what we are avoiding is our own power – stepping in to it, and this is another excuse to do so.
I found this article very interesting, I really enjoyed how you are opening up this topic for discussion, much to consider, I will defiantly be commenting again.
A great article Victoria where you raise some really great points and ask some important questions for us to ponder. I know for myself I have stayed away from management positions within my job in the past, this is changing though as I learn to appreciate myself more deeply and the unique qualities I bring to my workplace. As women we don’t need to toughen up or compete with men to be in high-profile roles, a women’s stillness, gentleness and deeper connection to herself is what’s needed in the corporate world more than ever.
The comment from Juanita Phillips is particularly telling considering her profile in the community and as someone who definitely has her finger on the pulse of society.
One of the things I have noticed about women getting high-profile jobs, is that it is extremely difficult when other men feel they have been passed over as it causes a lack of respect and support making the job twice as difficult.
I feel a lot of women say no to high profile roles not because the job is too hard for them but because they fear they will become hardened by the demands of the job.
What a great question! Women are becoming more and more like men, and I’ve yet to see a women in a top position that remains true to who she is as a woman. Nonetheless, I don’t feel this is a sacrifice that has to be made, and a woman being her true and beautiful self brings much more power than a woman who loses who she is to compete against the men.
Perhaps women on the whole have less tolerance for the aggression and competitive drive that is required to reach the top of the business world. And perhaps that is a good thing.
Power and authority have long been used by men and women in business. One version of this feels forceful, imposing and leaves other feeling less. The other version, which feels truly powerful is very graceful and allows us all to learn and grow equally.
I’ve never held a position in a high profile role, but I do know the toll my body has taken over the years from my way of being in my working life. I always strived for positions that were very physically demanding of my body and felt that I could do these jobs as well as a man. I now see that through making different choices to support my body from how I sleep, eat and move, it has allowed me to be more loving towards myself and then in turn how I treat my body and support myself to live a vitally full life. I feel it is not the position that we hold but the way in which we live our days moment to moment that is the key to true quality.
There is no issue with working long hours, it always comes down to the energy that you do it in. One way to demonstrate change is to run our own highly successful businesses in a true and loving way and show how it can be done.
This can also be demonstrated within existing businesses – not every company is open to it, but some are and will be.
To live in a way that supports true health and wellbeing requires a delicate balance and quality in everyday life for both men and women respectively. How they can do that in the present dog eat dog corporate world is definitely a challenge but nonetheless the more the abuse of power, corruptness and the lovelessness of this world is exposed, the more it is challenged to change and the better the quality of output generated.
Victoria I was really driven in my IT career and I was determined to keep going. But when I reached a senior level of management I did not like the politics up there and having to become hard like the men adopt that culture. It definitely was soul destroying and I did not want to stay in that path, I then changed careers completely into health and beauty. But now for the past 9 years I have been running a hotel with my husband and this time I am my own boss and I have others below me, so completely a different space and a more loving role, its not soul destroying.
This is an interesting blog for me as for most of my working years I have stayed at home to look after my children. I always felt that it was a choice between the two and that I couldn’t have both. It was either stay at home or work hard at a career. I chose to stay at home because the thought of pushing and driving myself to succeed put me off. I didn’t think there was any other way. I see women harden their bodies in well paid jobs and there’s a lack of commitment in the family home but recently I have become aware that it doesn’t have to be this way. As I write this comment I get a feeling of a deeper sense of the reason as to why I chose to be at home and that it was because of my relationships, a feeling, belief or maybe even coming from a neediness that my relationships would suffer. There is much for me to ponder on here.
Even the Dalai Lama agrees that the world would be much better place if women were in power.
To have women and their innate quality at “the top” would be amazing – some men would perhaps disagree but that might just prove the necessity of it.
It is really interesting to watch what is happening in our business with regards to women in high position roles. Everywhere you hear that more women are needed in those positions and here and there some legislation has been made to support the influx but up to now are all failing. The other day I read in the paper that in spite of all the effort the number of women in high positions even declined. That to me says it all, the way we are currently approaching this subject does not work, so there must be another way and therefore I fully agree with you Victoria, that the conversation has to start and that we have to study what truly is happening here.
Great article Victoria, I was particularly drawn to your words ‘Many of these women felt “…the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men”.’ I agree, maybe nothing will change until we change our values and allow women to manage in the true way they can, when a woman is connected to and with her inner self, she holds an amazing power and confidence that would have every company inviting them into the board room.
What a great blog to remind us of how often women can hold back from these roles feeling that they need to be and bring all in these work environments and continue to have the same level of commitment to home life as well. Working in a team that is predominately female I have witnessed the merry go around of exhaustion in trying to be the all and investing in the image of “super boss, super mum and super wife”.
I had a male friend with a very high profile job and I witnessed the enormous toll it took on him and his family. He is effectively owned by the owner of the company and expected to be available 24/7 with relentless demands to be constantly doing better. That is too high a price to pay for anyone but unless we speak up nothing will change.
I, and other women I know, have always felt the personal cost would be too high so have held back from applying for roles at a higher level but what is lost in that is that it is not articulated as the reasons for not seeking promotion. This is a long overdue conversation and one that needs to be addressed because it would benefit all if it led to a culture change at the top by introducing more self-care and less driven-ness which would have a trickle down effect to lower levels and create a more harmonious workplace environment for all.
“I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.” I agree, not being prepared to sacrifice my quality of life for a ‘top job’ which demands everything – and more. Also knowing that the quality I bring to everyday interactions does make a difference in the world, so not needing to be No 1 – as the world would see it.
If you look at women in high powered positions, they almost always get judged on what they’re wearing, their appearance and looks. It is quite awful really and what a pressure to be put under. Tally that with the cut throat approach to most high end and powerful roles and it is not an environment that encourages care and nurturing. Qualities that women naturally have in abundance, and qualities that would enhance our workplaces were we to see beyond our myopic viewpoint of business and leadership.
There is a woman I know who has throughout her working life, strived to be at the top – she would get there on the merit of hard work and commitment, regardless of the fact she had 3 kids and a growing family. She was always, always on the go, work came first. When she joined our company she naturally fitted into a senior position, but she could not hide her tenderness and femaleness from me – I saw it straight away, and so her role became about relationships and nurturing and growing a team of women. Not long after she got quite a few major health scares – all related to her being a woman. We discussed this together – the possibility that women in high power roles have to ‘act like a tough man’ to get ahead. We also discussed the possibility that now, as she has claimed more of herself as a woman – how it is no coincidence these illnesses have come up and how it is possibly a reflection of all the times in the past she did not let herself be the gentle female she naturally is. Are there consequences for being a tough woman in the corporate world – yes I believe there are – and so this provides women a choice for how they are in those roles – how much of themselves they bring to it – because there is every opportunity to change how we have configured the roles of being at the top.
“…the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men” – what a great way to simply put it – women are amazing and can easily hold those high positions of responsibility – but in today’s society when offered that role you are not only being asked to step into the job, but also the expected way of working it, namely like a man. Women are not given the space or opportunity to work in any other way than the high powered, drive and often male dominated workplace. This is not to say at all that men are an issue etc, but simply to point out that many women do feel the need to toughen up and grow a pair of balls so to speak, to be able to get on and do the job. But what if this wasn’t the case, what if women took those top positions and worked not from a drive, still getting the job done, but bringing a different quality to the way it is done?
A great discussion Victoria and a very important one. For it’s been an ongoing public discussion that I recall for most of my adult life. I don’t actually recall anyone asking why is this the case. It’s like there are many assumptions and then ways to attempt to fix it, like with mandating percentages of women in executive roles. Is that necessarily a bad thing? I don’t know. I do know that women are needed everywhere, not to show that we can do anything, for I don’t feel that brings anything new. But to show what the true strength of a women is, and this is not trying to act like a man.
Coming back to your blog today Victoria has provided me with much food for thought. In my full time working days I did work in a high powered job and loved the challenge, drive and busyness; regrettably to the detriment of my health. I would love to do it all again bringing a deeper understanding of purpose, brotherhood and responsibility to all aspects of the workplace. Thank you for the impetuous to reflect on my working life.
Thank you for sharing Shirl – how often do we put things like the drive and challenge of our job ahead of our health – and as you say how interesting it would be to do it without the drive but instead a steady stillness.
The world of business can be brutal, and being a women in that world is important. It provides an opportunity to work in a brutal world without being brutal, and be a living example that there is another way.
It is true that one needs to be a certain way to succeed in most leadership positions and that this way is universally unsupportive and counter to our natural way of being – both for men and for women. And that is the crux of the situation. I would not be surprised to hear that almost no one in leadership positions got there by being true to who they really are and by not playing the game or acting to a false ideal of what a successful leader looks like.
But we all have to start somewhere, so for women – and men for that matter – to Not take leadership positions because of the high personal cost is not the answer and actually further feeds the problem.
I have been working on some voluntary projects with teams of individuals across continents – I interact with those in roles of spear-heading, inspiring and managing groups of people with a level of commitment and dedication I have never seen anywhere else. In fact at times I am in awe of the amount of work these individuals manage to get done in a single 24 hour day. And there are as many, if not more, women than men in such roles – which to me shows women have no problem with being responsible and accountable in leading projects, teams of people and companies. In respect to why women do not feature more prominently in the top roles of the companies a good question would be: “what do the top roles in the companies involve?”. This assessment would need to be both in terms of the requirements of the job as well as the misogynistic behaviour at times displayed by jealous male and female colleagues or bosses. Yes – most women harden up in order to be in the top roles, but I bet if we invited men to honestly express we would find that they too have to harden up and many of them don’t enjoy it.
When a woman is in the work place she brings with her a heavenly body that is designed to reflect that divinity, it really is as simple as that. Because when divinity is standing in front of you, everything makes sense and so there can be greater understanding between us.
The quantity a women in her stillness brings to the workplace has the power to change so much for not only her workplace but for humanity.
I had the privilege of experiencing this great quality with a co-worker over 20 years ago. The mark this woman left on me still lives with me today. There was never a compromise to change who she was and what was on offer for all to see.
Thank you Victoria, I like the angle you take on this, that it is not necessarily that women want to be in top positions but actually choose not to because deep down we can feel the consequences that this entails. Then I feel it is not so much about who is at the top but how much we have bought into the roles of these positions. If we simply follow suit of what we think a certain job requires of us (and that is in any job) we get caught up in a machinery of a system that will run us down and we end up being the victim of a system we heavily start to dislike and feel powerless in. So it comes back to bringing that what we know is true into our daily life, into work, and make it about our quality of being and our connection and interaction with people, then brick by brick we undo what we have made this world to be laying bare a simplicity to life that will dissolve many problems, tension and complications.
The whole world could and would benefit from women being in top rolls and maintaining their stillness and grace. How decisions were made and in fact the decisions made would reflect a greater care and natural nurturing of humanity. Something that is greatly needed in today’s world.
You put a strong case Victoria, even I as a man seeking a balance in life and not wishing to be a competitive, aggressively self promoting person, see the notion of climbing the corporate ladder as repulsive.
With the feminist movement women fought for equality in a man’s world. I personally don’t want equality in that kind of world, I want to be part of a word where women are honoured for being women.
Fantastic article Victoria and great questions you ask. I am now Director of a company – but it is my own. I direct my own hours and can still pick my son up from school, do school reading and kick a ball around with him in the backyard before dinner. I am able to choose my hours and get a lot of work done at 4am. High powered roles never appealed to me because of the lifestyle I saw that came with them that to me looked out of balance and not in harmony. I’m still working on harmony with all parts of my life and ensuring I have quality time with my son and myself but I have the ability to manage it myself and am not under a somewhat forced direction of someone else with demands on me.
While the workplace culture is based on competition and achievement at all costs rather than quality, equality, integrity and harmony there will aways be in imbalance, no matter who is on top.
You raise such great points here and I found myself nodding away. I found it interesting to read the qualifying words when mentioning the likelihood that women were choosing to not engage in the “high powered positions in today’s workplace” or “to obtain and maintain a role in a high-stakes environment as it currently exists”. By and large the way businesses are run in today’s world is not the way of the heart, and this takes its toll when you are immersed in the predominantly unloving and brutal ways that have become the norm 24/7. Women can feel this, and I would go as far as to say men can feel it too, but they are more trapped in the expectation that they need to play the business game for the recognition that they so seek from society. But there are too many suicides and depressed people among the most ‘successful’ and most people dislike working. So why do women say no to top positions? It is a great area to reflect on and see to how closely it may also apply to the majority of the men when they are relaxed in being themselves.
Victoria, great questions you ask, and yet I also feel that as women walking away is not it either, it effectively says that this system, this part of the world is broken and we want nothing to do with it, we give up on it – yet what if we as women started to have a real engagement with the questions you raise with both men and women, as this affects us both. It’s not just a women’s issue and what if it takes women questioning this to allow the space for us all to see and consider how we can do these roles in a different way. I had a beautiful example from one of my workplaces where a colleague insisted that her work hours needed to accommodate here picking up her daughter mid afternoon, so she broke up her work day to do so with the agreement of her boss, and what was amazing about this was he then started to do the same, to go home earlier so he could be with his kids for dinner – he felt freed to do so because she had. This is how we can all support one another to work the working environment for us all, not just women. The truth is the current set-up especially at the upper management levels is detrimental to all people and it’s time for it to change, and we all can have a part to play in this. So let’s take those questions you ask wider and discuss why it has to be this way and if there is another way to do business for us all that is people centred and inclusive of our whole lives, and not just work.
What is going on in this day and age that makes women feel they have to turn themselves into men and retard or hide any of their innate and divine qualities in order to be considered a success in this world?
I haven’t been in an executive position but going from what I’ve seen of women in top government positions where I work, I notice how they don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable, fragile or gentle with themselves. I know, many women would say, ‘why would you dare show that?’ or ‘if I showed that I would be eaten alive!’ but what happens to our bodies, our relationships with others and how we feel about ourselves when we push down this natural quality that every woman and man holds? They are great at what they do, but everyone misses out on seeing the real woman behind the role, the one that innately knows what is needed and holds her presence as most sacred and important.
Perhaps the meaning of ‘Chief Executive’ needs to be re-examined. It is often those in middle management, including many women, who are actually executing the majority of the work of a business. The decisions made by the titular ‘Chief’ are totally dependent on others. A flourishing business is one where everyone works together with everyone appreciating the equal part played by all.
I recently watched the movie ‘Suffragette’ about the fight women were in to get the right to vote in the early 1900s in England. And what strikes me now reading this blog is that it is still a ‘fight’ for women to be treated equally at work, paid the same as men and accepted into senior roles. Women may have more rights now 100 years on, but the energy is the same – fighting to be treated and seen as equal to men. For as long as it is a fight, there will never be true equality, and working conditions will not change. Women can only be treated as an equal when they bring their true qualities to work and men feel the women’s innate stillness and value what that does in a Boardroom or workplace.
Great point shared Sandra Dallimore. There is nothing “to fight” as it’s this protection that we go into that keeps people at bay and we don’t give our work place the opportunity to see and feel the quality we all bring in a different way. Often the fight can mask the hurts we have. The potential here is to bring the steadiness we can hold and the depth of authority within that we can bring when we clearly see what is needed for all equally and share this without holding back. The core word that supports this level of connection is responsibility and a willingness to build a foundation in our everyday.
Women are needed in senior roles. When a woman brings her qualities of stillness, delicateness and the deep care of people, she brings a power. The problem has been that most women are not connected to these qualities, and therefore enter senior roles and ‘try’ and do it like the men do – and it doesn’t work, hence why so many women say no to taking on or staying in senior roles because of the pressure, stress, long hours, etc. But I ask, why are senior roles fraught with stress and long hours? If women (and men) worked together harmoniously, I wonder if there would be less stress and need to put is such long hours.
I recently had a workplace decision to make, things were changing at work causing overwhelm and great stress due to what was being expected of me. As much as I love my job and the people I work with, I also love myself and the quality of the relationships that I have and I am not willing to sacrifice them for the sake of the company that I work for. And by standing up and saying no thank you to my managers, an astonishing thing happened – my colleagues also began to stand up too, and to claim what they are willing to accept and what they are not. Priorities have been openly declared and a focus has been brought in about family life, personal health and well-being.
Interesting topic Victoria. I know from my own perspective and looking back on my various jobs that at the end of the day I lacked commitment to go all the way. There was a level that I was willing to go to that earned me a good income but would alway stop when I felt the pressure or more commitment was needed. I don’t feel that this was to do with me being a woman but a choice I made. I can also relate what you say about women hardening to do their job and this takes its toll on the body in the form of exhaustion and burn out. I feel your blog brings up some great points, I feel women do equally amazing work if we don’t go into drive or the need to succeed but instead see each job has a purpose and bring all of ourselves to it, (without the drive)
Interesting what you have shared here alisonmoir. I was the opposite so committed to the job where I allowed everything else go in self care and well being of my body. Work always took precedence and the high salary wasn’t the draw card. It was the drive and recognition that fuelled the output. The work that women bring into these roles is not different to men. It is the quality and expression that either gender works with that puts self care first and brings the volume of dedication to the position along with a huge reflection for staff of how this can be lived by all.
Great questions Victoria and I am aware that I have always held back at work despite the suggestions of others that I could go further up the career ladder. This is partly due to the lack of role models and feeling that the personal price I would have to pay is too high but also my lack of self-worth has held me back. I know that in the past I have tended to massively over-compensate in a new role and the whole process is exhausting. Since learning to truly take care of myself more lovingly I am better able to just be me at work and do what needs to be done without depleting myself. Offering this reflection at work can support others whatever my job title but if another opportunity presents itself I am open to it.
It is very clear what many people have sacrificed to be successful in this world, it has been this way for eons, and will not change until a soul-full perspective of humanity is reawakened with our true purpose, understanding why we’re here.
Personally I would not take on the pressure of a high profile role if it required me to sacrifice a level of balance or self care for the sake of the job. If however the importance of not sacrificing ourselves for the role was appreciated along with the importance of the quality that can be brought over production at the expense of self, then I would be more than happy to take on the responsibility.
When I was young I used to think that to be in a high position in a company, or to be a successful politician, it wasn’t good enough for a woman to be equal to men, they had to do better job than men. It’s as if the woman needed to be significantly better at the job to prove herself and be accepted in a ‘mans’ world. A lot of these women in high positions also often displayed quite aggressive, competitive behaviours, and were very driven by the need to be successful. To be completely honest, this kind of life has never interested me. My quality of life in and out of work was always more of a priority than being promoted to big boss in a company.
There is definitely more going on than what we get presented through all that talks about this issue. It is prefered to see women as the “weak” that choose family over career. While there is indeed something fundamentaly wrong in the way high powered roles are at this point in time. I don’t feel like working in a role like that as it just is such a harsh and blunt environment. It is not worth sacrificing my gentleness and tenderness to get into such a role. While these are great qualities of men and women who are really needed in all of the workforce. That is the change that needs happening.
The drive required to achieve a high powered position is something that I never contemplated. There is no question that a woman can hold these positions and the quality they can bring if not crushed by the hard and pressured environment would be a blessing for any organisation. Knowing the innate sensitivity that is there in both men and women and what is required for both to participate as business is setup, suggests to me that currently there is much that needs to change in order for a more tender, nurturing and supportive way to be.
That’s right, what is needed is the choice to be tender, nurturing and supportive.
“I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top”.
I agree with you Victoria; I feel the key is ‘in todays workplace’, many are toxic and demanding with little or no care for the workers. Profit, economics and personal egos, hurts and ambitions seem to be the driving forces. The ever increasing need for growth and development create a work and learning culture of striving, drive, push, better and ‘more’, always more!
We need more of us in there to change the culture, what a challenge! Reminds me of the story of a thousand miles begins with a single step….
This is amazing Victoria. This raises the awareness of what the gender equality issue is truly all about. It is not just women being able to do the same as men necessarily I feel but a way of living of how each is held and honoured as being equal beings. This blog on Women In Livingness links in with this issue very nicely http://womeninlivingness.com/2015/10/21/my-true-tenderness-and-delicateness-a-fresh-look-at-true-gender-equality/
I agree that what you have presented Victoria suggests there is more to this picture than simply lack of opportunity. Observing the constant, heavy demands that are placed on my boss and those above her, I can definitely say that I have no desire to go further up the chain career wise. While it is absolutely true that it is our responsibility to find our balance and learn to stand steady regardless of what is going on around us, it is nonetheless quite hard to manage in most corporate settings as the expectations are that you are available 24/7 and everything is considered ‘urgent’. I have deep admiration for the handful of women I can think of who do manage to hold down high profile careers while maintaining a deep connection to themselves.
Absolutely Helen, women who can live in a way that allows them to stay deeply connected and take on great responsibilities are much to be admired and used as an inspiration for our own lives.
If we allow ourselves to find rhythm and balance in our life in general, this will naturally extend to our work environment, and it is here where either stress will inevitably take a drastic toll or balance will prevail.
This is so true, cjames2012. Our rhythms should be supporting our living whether at work or at home but I have noticed for me that it is harder for me to be in my rhythm continually at work in an environment that can sometimes feel hostile than when I am at home in a loving and supportive environment. It would certainly make me think twice before accepting a more senior role. Some work for me to do here I think!
You pose some great questions Victoria. If I had the choice to be on some of the board’s at many of the large organisations I’ve worked at, it would be with deep thought and assessment, before I would accept. Reason being, there is a consciousness that definitely surrounds such environments, usually quite male dominated and the behaviour lends itself to that. It would depend on the company and who actually I was sharing the table with. So very much understand when women do not choose to or even aim to get a seat at the boardroom or exec level table. Because a lot of women decide it just isn’t worth it, to have to ‘play political games’ that does tend to go with the territory. This can be not a great experience and unfortunately is very common still.
Yes, the top is a hostile place, men from the way we were brought up this is the perfect golden ring on the merry-go-round for what being brutal and self-sacrificing will award you with… and long as the trail of destruction left in your wake is just taken as the required dues. Why would a women want to go though this… why would a man?
Victoria ‘you have to be tough to be at the top’ well so it has been said…. I remember a swimming coach begging me to try out to see if I had any style, I wouldn’t even enter the pool as it felt so wrong. I have worked for women at the top of their game and the cut throat measures and brutal choices had me just survive in that environment. All the time I was aware of the competitive nature between the all female staff to get to the top and be seen to be recognised for their achievements. Again it wasn’t for me, I just couldn’t choose that for myself and stayed in a lesser role. My innate wisdom would not allow me to go into such a role as I knew the personal cost would be far more than the money earned and I was prepared to sacrifice.
When I started my IT career I really wanted to get to the point of a high profile role, I moved up quite quickly to a manager role, what put me off to move up further, I had to crush others and that just did not feel right. Instead I left the IT career and re-trained in health and beauty.
Thank you for showing us that women may choose not to take on more senior roles, not because of weakness or feeling not up to it, but because they are strong enough to say ‘No’ and instead choose to honour themselves as women and find roles more aligned to their natural selves.
How we are in a job is a personal choice that we make ourselves. It is not the job that makes us.
Victoria, you’ve touched on something true here, I feel that deep down women do know ‘what the true cost’ of a high-powered role would be and it’s only those very ambitious women who go for it and they tend to become very hard in the process. I have lately been realizing just how very tender and sensitive men are so they must also be paying a price to sustain such a role and possibly if we women were to express just how unloving it is to push ourselves through such jobs we might find there could be some change in the way big business is run.
Recently I have come to the point in my relationship with my place of work where the harsh realities of it are clear to see. Before I was enjoying a level of dullness in myself where I was not being fully aware of the reality of the situation. And now that my awareness has taken a step up and I am willing to see more, this is actually making it harder to be there, and this makes me question my place there, which undermines my commitment to the job and to the people who I work with and to the customers that I serve. What a great lesson in commitment and how perspective can influence commitment, because surely with a commitment to self-love the realities of the world around me are not huge enough to rock the foundations that I stand upon? Foundations that confirm to me that I am enough just for who I am, and simply being there makes all the difference. As a woman this awareness is a gift, not a hinderance, and it highlights for me how important we are in the workplace when we have self-love as part of our everyday, because the contribution therefore that we bring is far greater than simply the job that we do.
I feel this too Shami. It is our foundation that supports us in these roles and allows us to bring something to the workplace that may never have been experienced there before. That is our true service.
Great elainearthey, service to self = service to all.
For women to climb to the ‘top’ of the work force only to be forced to achieve those roles by disconnecting from their own true femaleness and innate divine strengths and become masculine in their character and expression does not make sense to me.
That women make the choice themselves to disconnect to achieve an ideal, over the divinity within them is what doesn’t make sense, yet we all know how it happens. No one is forced, we choose.
Thank you Victoria for your very interesting, informative and comprehensive blog on Women in High Profile Roles in the workforce. In this lifetime I did not have the opportunity to be thus engaged, but one can only imagine the difficulties with which these positions are fraught. Much to ponder on.
I feel this says so much about the culture and nature of the businesses we have created – not that women are not suitable for them but that they are not suitable places for women – it’s not women that should need to change to be able to work at the higher levels of our organisations but we should be looking at the nature of the environments in such organsations and asking whether this is truly suitable for anyone to work in? I love the way this exposes the deeper reasons for women not being in such roles in business to the same extent as men.
‘we should be looking at the nature of the environments in such organisations and asking whether this is truly suitable for anyone to work in?’, this is so true Michael. People are creating the environment, people can change the environment.
Moving up the corporate ladder in my workplace does mean entering what appears to be a brutal game and so instead I found a little nook where I am more free to be me. The one time I did step up, I found the pull to be a certain way too strong and was pleased to step down after a year. I’ve never aspired for more ever since and when I look at those women in high management, they do not inspire me to want to be like them. I feel your article makes a great point, many women don’t want to work in leadership roles because they don’t want to participate the ‘way’ they are are asked to participate, it kind of goes against everything within, everything that makes a woman a woman. I still feel from observing upper management, that the women that are there, are still treated like underdogs … more like grandeur secretaries, not as equals. Making it mandatory for women to be on Boards is not going to change things, they will not be given the respect or be listened to as they should … well that’s how I feel about my workplace anyhow.
‘they will not be given the respect or be listened to as they should …’ my feeling on this is that if this is happening, it is the women who are also buying into it and presenting that way. Everything is energy, if your energy comes with respect for self and others, can feel and call the energy that is at play, it is listened to. This is my experience.
I am 33 and have the potential to work in a high powered job which is a huge commitment that involves working long hours. I am not sure if this would be possible for me to do this and have children.. Its not like you can plan to stay at home for a certain amount of time when you become a parent before going back to work for my life then would have to honour each child I have. Every child is so different, the thought of becoming a parent and not being able to work challenges me.
For me Victoria, I agree with Jaunita Phillips “I seriously question whether many women want to be involved in the business or political world the way it is now… It’s brutal and soul-destroying, and almost completely incompatible with a balanced life” I see it and it is brutal and I don’t think women will pretend it isn’t there or that it is normal as much as men do purely because of the roles that have been playing. Politics, for example, is a wild animal cage and it is all passed off as robust debate, who would want to be in that? However, I can also see that change mostly comes from people being in it rather than commenting about it from the outside. We have to find a way to observe and not absorb what we see and to know that we can make a difference. There are many people who do not have to choose between family or work, and many who find the balance without detriment to the whole. What we need are those who are willing to work as a team, for the greater whole as opposed to considering it as one person winning over another because of their political party as opposed to their policy, sex, race, creed or any other outer defining excuse.
Great comment. Thank you Lucy.
‘change mostly comes from people being in it rather than commenting about it from the outside. We have to find a way to observe and not absorb’. Great comment Lucy, I agree, that if we are absorbing and reacting to the work situation then we are just enjoining it, we are not bringing the way it can be done, to it. I agree that politics is similar to a wild animal cage, but that is only because those in there want to speak this way with each other. How would it be if there was someone there who called out all the rubbish they go on with? Everyone knows truth, and someone in parliament who was willing to speak with it would silence the rest of the squarking monkeys pretty quickly and would be able to bring about true and needed change to the government of this country.
You’ve highlighted an interesting phenomenon Victoria and a common one. The highest level business management is perceived a certain way, demanding a willingness to sacrifice your life, to have hard-nosed acumen, to work brutal hours, to make decisions that place the needs to the business first etc etc. All of this is assumed to be mandatory, “just the way it is”, and that women do not “cut it” (neither do a lot of men) in that sort of work. So all sorts of shenanigans go on to make more women go into the arena. The 40% quota set by Norway is fascinating. 40%. Why 40? It seems as though it was set by a committee trying not to offend anyone, especially the big boys at the top. Instead of wasting time with quotas, why do they not look at what happens to all people (men and women) in top level management, the effect on their health and their relationships. What are the divorce rates for those men and women? How is their blood pressure, cholesterol, alcohol intake etc. Interview their partners and ask what is like to be married to a person in upper management. Then we may look at the actual problem – the brutal environment that is hostile to people all for the sake of the corporation.
Yes Rachel quotas will not change anything but looking at the brutal environment and the price that people pay to be part of it has to be the way forward. I have seen the devastating impact on a male friend’s life of being ‘at the top’. Relationship breakdown, estranged from children, overweight and constantly exhausted with a crammed diary that allows no time for reflection. Is this a responsible way for anyone to live?
You have just pointed out the real “bottom line” Helen.
Until it becomes very clear in society, and in the development of our leaders in industry , commerce, and business in general, that we are not what we do, we are who we are inside, there will always be an imbalance, as people continue to debase their bodies and their principles in the service of that which is outside of themselves.
I feel women can be very successful in positions of power and many men realise that they need the balance and wisdom that women bring to help them. Yes there is education needed to bring men out of the old beliefs they hold surrounding women. True women can show the world that you can lead without drive and can support you in that. Lets show men the value of power in the essence and wisdom that women bring. The men need to see the other side as they have no reflection there and are making their own bodies very ill in the process.
More tenderness from both male and females is so desperately needed.
What a fabulous discussion Victoria. Would love to sit over a cup of tea with you and talk further or even better in front of some cameras on a Q&A show or similar. What it feels women need to connect to and explore is the claiming of their unique presence and power which naturally comes from their femaleness quality. These natural qualities and essence are valuable and essential when running companies. They are crucial for productive and nurtured running of any business where individuals would feel connected to each other and their outcome/purpose/business. When this is claimed in women as a strength and not a weakness then we can start to see more women in these roles. They connect to this essence of themselves, see it as a weakness and that is impossible to be expressed in leading roles and so take this expression to family where it is accepted. Absolutely not – this natural essence of a woman is powerful and leads. I see few women who express from their essence in these roles, trading it ‘for ballsy’, harsh and male attributes. The last Governor General, Quentin Bryce, felt to me like she had retained some of her essence and femininity. Awesome Victoria – keep writing on this please.
Great article Victoria, opening up to ponder on and talk about this fact and “social issue”. From the beginning of my working life I worked as self employed, because I refused to work in any Corporation-system, because it felt to me like I wouldn’t have any chance to survive. Nowadays I know, what I felt was, that I wouldn’t have survived with my preciousness, vulnerability and sensitivity without getting hard to protect me. This meant to me not to survive, losing or sacrifice my essence to fit in. Back then, I didn’t understand it as such. Today I know that I also suspected this, because I estimated these properties not as a quality to share. So I decided to work from home from the beginning of my working life. Today I realize, that the key (for me) is to honor my preciousness as what I truly am and stop protecting it but living and expressing it in full. Because I decided to work from home because of a fear instead of a free choice It has brought me to the same imprisoning situation I wanted to prohibit. So just to withdraw from the situation I felt not supporting is not a true solution. I feel when women (and also men) will truly honor themselves for their preciousness and express it in full, working life will change of its own volition. It will be a revolutionary process with different phases of transition. I am looking forward to it, feeling it has already started.
Great observations Victoria. I feel many men have a stronger drive to compete and get to the top and then endure the constant stress of staying there and keeping at bay all the contenders to their hard fought for position. Many women prefer to work within an organisation to ensure that it is run in an equal and harmonious way. The increasing number of women in the workplace is gradually changing the ethos of how many businesses are run.
The whole world of business and politics are run by an energy of competition and this is an extremely male energy, sure women can fill the top roles if they are willing to compete and use the drive of this energy, but even as a man I feel this energy is pretty ugly and would always opt out of these types of roles. If companies and corporations could run and thrive in a more harmonious and loving fashion I’m sure we would see a better balance at the top.
This is a huge topic Victoria, where discussion and reform is sorely needed and will change the face of the corporate world as we know it. – ”Many of these women felt “…the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men”.’
Of all my high school mates about 5 of them have made Partner at several prestigious Australia accounting firms. This sounded good on paper when I first found out about them at a recent school reunion. I caught up with guys there I hadn’t seen in 25 years – we were from an all boys school by the way. It was very special to see them all again – we had shared so much together.
Sadly though, none of the guys who’d made partner had chosen to be at the reunion. I talked this through with some of my mates. They explained how they’d seen these guys from time to time over the years but noticed how increasingly distant and disinterested they’d become, especially when it came to maintaining any friendships or lifestyle choices outside of work that wouldn’t help them climb the corporate ladder.
This echoed my own experience of corporate life too – that if you were willing to dive into the ridiculous levels of competition and business culture, you may well succeed in getting to the top but it would be at a huge expense to your own moral character. There are very few people who I have met at the “top” who have retained the original quality of who they are.
It’s one of the reasons I decided to stay in small business. I wanted space to develop relationships outside of work and not have a corporate culture distort the person I am and separate my love of people from business – these in truth are one and the same.
All too often, working for corporate can be soul destroying. Yes there are a few companies who are not so sold out to profit but generally the vast majority lack moral direction.
Having reflected further on my comments above which include my approach to avoid the coldness of corporations, I see that avoiding them by staying comfortable in small business is not the answer.
Rather than abandon the corporate world and hold it in judgement, there is a strong call for morally conscious people to get back into that world and reengage it to restore healthy lifestyle choices and moral values so that the people who work there may evolve from it’s current heartless grip.
I agree Dean, and have a relative who has done this, having had several top positions but all along from when they started work and even into retirement, their focus has been the people they work with – their connection and relationship with those people being paramount; always including and talking with all staff, interested in their lives and perspective, and joyfully so. Other companies sought their employment because of the harmony they brought and the potential they brought out in others. It is a joy for them to be with people – a very inspiring role model, and one who has inspired many.
That’s inspiring to hear about Paula. If someone had asked me who I really wanted to be when I grew up it would have been a person very much like your relative – someone who finds it a joy to be with other people, interested and participating in their lives and on a practical note working in a large organisation where there are hundreds of people every day to support and inspire through being myself a loving and dedicated human being.
I can understand the reaction to being in corporate. I have only ever worked in large corporate organisations and been in reaction to the ‘coldness’ you speak of for most of my working career. It wasn’t until I began to connect more deeply with myself, who I am and really claim what I bring to each and every person I interact with every day. Understanding that many people I do work with would not seek to see a practitioner outside of work, but they do get to work with me, they get to experience a difference and I do stand out, my life style choices, food choices, the fact I don’t have caffeine or sugar, is always the source of discussion and conversation with my work colleagues. But they are equally impressed and inspired as well.
Hey Raegan it is very inspiring to hear about your experience in the corporate world. Even though at the end of the day it’s all just about people wherever we go whether it’s big business or small, I have at times been daunted by the culture in big corporations… but then there is you who succeeding in breaking through all that so, fantastic to hear.
In the tertiary education sector where I work I see the creeping up of corporate culture where staff are taken away from front desk positions to call centres. It is far more difficult to establish a relationship on the phone than it is to meet someone face to face. Of course I am not talking about high powered positions but the displacement of staff is affecting mainly women and I hear their dissatisfaction at being removed from close encounter with students. They become anonymous workers with no face thus robbing them of the caring that used to be such a great part of their previous work.
I love that you have addressed this issue Victoria and opened it up for wider discussion. Instead of ‘Lean In’ another philosophy could be ‘Stand Up’ to present that there is another way, to live and run a business, that is in line and harmonious to our natural way to be. I feel in starting this conversation here, you are doing exactly that.
We are not our job and it should not define who we are. If we are ourselves first and are really present with our self in the job we choose to do we will be supporting humanity no matter what the job is. In my job I like to feel into what is true when making decisions affecting people’s lives and will speak the truth. I have been told at times the view I offer is career limiting. I find that statement amusing and hold myself in truth and present it regardless. I have no expectation of an outcome.
No for me it has never crossed my mind to consider a high powered role, even to consider it now is not something that holds any appeal to me whatsoever. The notion brings with it a drive that I know is not me, not that it has to be that way, but I have witnessed too few women in high powered roles doing it any differently.
Wow Victoria you have hit the nail on the head – what a great read. This has opened up my eyes even more to the fact that women deep down inside struggle in these high-powered jobs and really don’t want to work like men. It feels like many of them come to that line and decide not to cross it knowing that it will cost them too much. It’s crucial to begin to explore as women, how we can lead as CEOs, Directors, Board Members and the like, without compromising who we ARE and what we BRING. After listening to the teachings of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and its practitioners, I know that one day women will have the ability to lead in high ranking roles without the brutal behaviour, forcefulness, and competitive ways found in today’s businesses.
Indeed Donna, for women to be able to lead in top corporate positions holding their inner stillness and steadiness as the leading light will a day to be reckoned with.
Well said, Donna. Women who are connected to themselves being able to lead, hold and guide major corporations and groups without any of the brutality, hardening and cut throat mentality is something to work towards and be open to as a real possibility.
Absolutely we need more women who are able to connect to themselves and be able to lead and guide major organisations without the brutality, hardening and cut throat mentality. It has already started and the reflection is beautiful.
When women live in the truth of who they are, there is a power so deep that may be confronting for many. In the business world where it is mostly male oriented, this could bring up a lot of uncomfortable reflections for men. Could a woman turn down high-powered jobs because of not wanting to feel the truth of this? That we can be confronting, not through force, but simply through our choices to not express less than the true qualities that we are. That as women who choose to live as Truth, they are sure targets of reactions in comparison and jealousy from men and women alike. But if we are simply aware of all that is on-going, and commit to feeling and understanding every situation, we are also commiting to just being ourselves, which is what we have come here to be. If as women, we have lost sight of what being a true woman is, aren’t we are missing out on the purpose of being a woman? Only we can return to living this truth, and we all have a responsibility and a part of living gender equality, as it is presently still an issue that pervades our world.
So true… this opens up a whole new thing for us to look at as women – what we are willing to feel in full and claim for ourselves as women without an ounce of compromise.
This is inspiring 1heart1love1earth, thank you for sharing this.
Don’t we fear being in a high-powered male oriented role, because of an ingrained belief that there is an inequality between men and women? What if betweeen men and women, it is not about us and them? What if we are just simply just human beings? What if we invite ourselves to begin living as a human being, in a woman’s body, and honoring all of what being in a woman’s body means, and not expressing in any way less, or comparing with men? There cannot be any comparison between men and women, simply. What if we simply focused on how we are living and expressing as a woman, whether we are expressing Truth and Love even (and especially) in all situations where Truth and Love are not felt to be present, we are committed to not living less than who we are?
I agree with what you are saying here, 1heart1love1earth, it is about being all we can be in whatever role we are in and whether we are a man or a woman. If we are living truly who we are we are truly honouring ourselves and the role we are in- this will be reflected to others and they can choose to resist or feel the love that is there. Just because someone is in a high powered role does not mean that they have to be hard to do the job. What we can bring to a role like this as a woman who is living who she truly is is a powerful reflection for those around her, especially the men -what a gift for that organisation!
If from the beginning, women do not live less as the grandness that we are, would we still see so much inequality reflected back to us? And if inequality is so ingrained and it would be there for a long time–by living and expressing as who we are without push, force, compromise, playing small (these feel like hard work), but simply as the joyful, amazing, nurturing, connected and aware human being would we still feel incapable of handling certain roles? When we allow ourselves as women to truly be us, there would not be any issues in gender inequality, and how freeing, as we can invite ourselves to be in any and all fields in society.
I love what you are posing- that instead of the normal force, compromise, drivenness or playing small to be in a high powered role which definitely feels competitive, awful and exhausting, if we were to stay true to ourselves as women- joyful, nurturing, connected, openhearted we could create much positive change in the work place.
Absolutely, “…if we were to stay true to ourselves we could create much positive change in the workplace.” True.
A few years ago I would definitely have said No if there was an opportunity to take on a high-powered role. Reflecting why this was my choice then, it feels to be a reaction from refusing to feel deeper. I am aware of a deep and underlying inequality between men and women which presents itself in all facets of life, and from that there is reaction—convinced that as a woman I could never attain the equality and respect that feels true in a high powered role in society, given that this place is mostly controlled by men. But that was a big protection card I was playing,which keeps me living all the gender inequality I do not want to see.
Interesting the protection game you speak of, I guess the flipside of that is the protection that Men get from being in the superior position even when that might not be true or even comfortable all the time
The protection game is huge Oliver and often very easy to see in others but when bringing it back to ourselves it opens up the utter importance to why protection does not work and never will.
The superior position to me feels like the achievement of control.
Yes! And by allowing those Men the right and freedom to keep behaving this way nothing will change! In general, Women are far more willing to reflect. Although there are also Women who do everything to not be exposed. How Amazing would it be to have both Men and Women working in a delicate and tender way together at the top of organisations. Now, this would change the lives of all the employees, their family members, their customers, their suppliers. Just by reflection. It’s time for Power Couples at the Top. Or groups of 3, 4. For myself I can see that I’ve shied away for a very long time and am only making baby steps out of the shadows. Why do we keep allowing to think that we are alone. How Amazing would it be if we would support each other. All the way. Together even!
Great thought Floris, Power Couples at the top…that would definitely shake some bones…
It feels at the moment people are not prepared to share power, it’s either all or nothing which is a bit sad really! So much could be done together!
Work is always there. It never has a sick day, or annual leave. It doesn’t have a family to care for. We create the work. My place of employment 10 years ago had one environmental employee, now today we have 4. Is it possible that women choose not to become top executives as it is more important to care for our families. Care for what is real – people.
Wow Victoria, this is a great blog. It is a very interesting question you ask. I would be interested to know if there was a variance between women raising a family and women who are not. My dream as a young girl was to become a high powered business woman. In this picture I was super busy, had a husband who raised the children and I felt I had to be hard and tough. Through teachings of Universal Medicine, I now know that having hardness in my body and working under stress is not healthy for me or the people around me.
What is the main contribution women can make to humankind? Some people would say that women occupying power positions is the answer to a better world. How much is this true? How much is this an ideal and a belief? What if the main contribution women can make to humankind is to reclaim their sacredness and to live in a way that honours them?
What about if women reclaim their sacredness and live in a way that honours them – and from there occupy leading positions to serve humankind?
Exactly Sonja, what if…? Kapow! Things begin to change.
My thoughts exactly Sonja! Profound and lasting change which will put us all back on the true path of returning to who we truly are.
Absolutely Sonja reclaiming our sacredness is crucial and then we can truly live the change we want to see.
Loved your blog Victoria, it gave me lots to think about. At 65 I can only look back and ask myself whether I would have loved a high profile job, but the answer probably would have been no, as I could see the women that I knew in such jobs had given up so much of themselves and tried to be just like the men, because they believed that’s what they had to do to succeed. And it was obvious that in the process they began to harden and in so doing buried the amazing qualities that they could have naturally brought to the roles. Maybe when businesses begin to put people before profit, and honour the uniqueness and value of each of their employees, that this may encourage more women into these senior positions. Imagine if they honoured and appreciated themselves as a woman first and brought all of those qualities to these jobs, what an incredible difference they would be able to make, not just to the job, but to all those around them.
Brilliant blog Victoria. Great observations that invite me to ponder on this deeper. I have not really ever considered pursuing a high profile job and I feel that, as you shared, it is because I feel that there is great demand to compromise and over-ride the preciousness and divinity that is within. And even though my connection to this was not as deep as it is today I still had a sense of this precious presence within and also sensed that that there were things that I just would not do to, that were just not worth it, no matter how much money or power was offered.
I am wondering if holding back is holding back. There is nothing wrong or evil in a high profile role, in fact it is an opportunity to be of service. If you have the ability and the ability to handle the downsides – and many people do or they can learn it in time – then why not express in full, regardless of gender?
I agree Christoph – it requires a strong connection to oneself, otherwise we get lost in the doing and playing a role like “I’m your boss…”. When we stay connected, then we are a living example for other people, not to get identified with the job or position.
I agree. We move differently, we speak differently, we meet people differently. It is all very normal, perhaps sometimes with a little bit more deliberation, though it need not be, but there is a difference in quality in everything we do and that is so very enjoyable.
You make a really great point christophschnelle, making it neither right nor wrong whichever way we choose but down to our capabilities and the way in which we feel it’s best for us to be serving.
Very cool, Christophschnelle, your point hits me. A high profile role would be an opportunity to be a role model for how to do it lovingly.
A high profile role shows others how to do things and it also shows how to be and the latter may be even more important.
I agree Christophschnelle, it is not the role that defines how we behave within it, if we do that then we have kind of sold out to an ideal of what we think the role is. We can express ourselves in any role we take, and that is how we will fill it. That choice is ours, it is not dictated by the role.
And this is the point Christoph. Women have a phenomenal amount to offer in high-profile roles when they express as women, instead of trying to beat the men in the ‘man’s world’. Women have the ability to, with their innate power and preciousness, to melt the hardness of the world.
Great blog Victoria, what an awesome topic. For me, as a women I would definitely not choose a high profile role if it involved, high stress, demanding hours and crushing people to get my way. This is simply not me and I would not choose a career that demanded me be someone else. From a very young age, I decided to find a career that I feel I would love to do not because it would bring me high pay or recognition but to know I can get out of bed everyday loving what I do. I have seen as I was growing up how miserable people get about their jobs and I didn’t want that for myself. I started out looking at what I was naturally good at, what I enjoyed doing and how could I carry this through and incorporate this in a career. This is what I did finding a job I love. I can also see how many people give up so much of who they are to achieve something, this to me felt sad and unloving. I couldn’t imagine giving the most precious part of being myself for any role, no matter how high or low.
I love this chanly88 and the way that we should be teaching all children to be in the world – teaching children to first be themselves, explore and learn more about themselves and then find a job that best expresses that.
This is inspiring. “I decided to find a career that I feel I would love to do not because it would bring me high pay or recognition but to know I can get out of bed everyday loving what I do.” So simple thank you.
I agree Chanly88 – if I am not loving what I do, then something is wrong. We can look at a career as a way to get power or pay bills, but it can be so much more than that. As I have discovered, simply following what feels right to do has meant that I have naturally progressed because it has been right for me and my body, not because I have a box to tick. This way of working has seemed so enjoyable and really does pose the question of why do we think we need to be tough to climb the power ladder?
This is a great way to decide on a career Chanly88. What I think is lacking when we consider high powered jobs, or any job really is the strength of what we feel we will bring to the job. This needs to be clearly stated at the beginning especially in a job interview or cover letter. So that the employer knows what your intention is, knows you have considered what is really needed in that job, and can make the choice if that is part of their organization or not. Then you know that if you get the job, they support you in this and you have full permission to work in the way you propose. Then it is up to us to actually work in this way. In truth, it will only transform the business into one that works well.
This is lovely, work isn’t about gaining the most money, but providing service for others and ourself. Which works best when we choose that what we love to do, this love will shine trough everything that you provide.
You statement Victoria “I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’” is also for me a reality. I, as a sensitive, tender and loving man I do not want to trash myself in this male ruled management layers which lacks mostly any sense of self care and respect for our fellow human beings and are mainly looking commercially and in competition with its competitors.
But I can feel that we can change this, by recognising that we have a quality that we have to bring into these companies, that they are in a way so urgently looking for. Recognising that we have the power to offer this to companies and to not shy away because of our ideas that we would be trashed when we are in these. Instead we have to stand up and enter these companies and show them our way how we run a business, with compassion for our employees and clients, serving them in the best way possible, since these qualities will make from every business a successful business.
Absolutely, I have found that in almost every work force I know of that they are all need in of something that women can so naturally bring, there is a completely different quality that they can present and inspire others with.
Amazing observation Oliver.
This seems key to me too Nvaanhastrecht, that men or women who can truly honour their tenderness and take it into high business positions with confidence and without compromise, ultimately will be the people who change the culture from within big business.
As you say Simon, it is about truly honouring our sensitiveness and tenderness in all that we do, so also in our workplaces as these qualities of life have the power to change the way we are running businesses and the culture of these. In fact we can do this in any position within a company, from the CEO to the janitor, as all positions within a company are equally important.
Yes I feel that is the answer too Simon. And that is why Natalie Benhayon is such an inspiration to so many women (and men) because she is the 1st woman I have ever seen that is taking herself – in all her glory, tenderness, delicateness, sassiness and unmistakable power – into business. She has inspired me to enter the world of politics at a local government arena. I would not have done this without seeing what is possible first. Because the world is very hostile towards women in politics and it needs to change.
The quality we can bring to a workplace is unheard of, I feel right now it is often all about profits without real care for the people that make these. bringing our sense of care to it will change the whole business from the ground up. And will very likely thrive.
I feel what you’re saying is for the most part true Benkt, but I have also observed that when women do bring their natural qualities to work, things do start to change in the most surprising of places.
Good point nvanhaastrecht, that instead of avoiding getting involved in such jobs let’s bring our quality to them and we can make a change by the way we live and work which will have a ripple effect through the whole of the company.
Yes Sandra, to me it is about a quality that is void in many of our businesses as in general we have lost our connection with that and instead are following the hypes and trends that are out there to choose from in organising our businesses. Instead we could also have a look within ourselves and explore how we feel what our business is actually bringing to humanity and with what quality of integrity and love we want to have in that to truly serve our societies with a product or service that helps people to evolve and take responsibility in their life.
I saw the just released movie Bridge of Spies on the weekend. It is the true story of an insurance lawyer who is asked by the American Government to represent a captured Russian spy during the Cold War. The loving and caring nature of this lawyer caused him to take procedure against what the government, the law firm and the CIA wanted, in favour of peoples equal rights in a concerning situation. He came out of that situation with an unprecedented result and was further asked by President Kennedy to negotiate with Fidel Castro to release prisoners, in which also occurred an unprecedented result. There is no limit to what the love of a human being can do, at any level of our profession. If we accept situations, stand by our rights and the rights of others, chances are, we will be supported. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it. A movie well worth watching.
I know that is true Lisa, that if we accept where we are and allow the support that is being presented to us, magical things could happen – unpredictable from the place we currently are. The power of love is something I have ignored for too long but I am now in the process of re-learning and accepting this to be part of my life again, as love is where I come from but ignorantly have stepped away from.
We didn’t know there was another way Nico, but now we do. There is great joy for us in allowing ourselves this grace.
This is a very thought provoking article. The world at large is male-dominated, not only gender-wise, but also in the energy as many women attempt to out-do men in their game. My experience tells me trying to change the world doesn’t quite work, but when I see a woman like Natalie Benhayon – who is a complementary health practitioner, a presenter, an editor of magazine, a creator of an app and is involved in many other projects – very, very successful, respected and loved, it inspires me to consider whether it is us women who need to claim and be ourselves in full FIRST to find us in a position where we could play it big in a world that may not quite embrace us women and what we bring?
I have chosen me first and then the role I do comes from that. I observe many in a large company I work for stepping into competition, comparison, over-work and burnout. I wonder if the ‘Contract’ work in industry has evolved based on the expectation that workers are to give ‘over and above’ in their role and that they can be moved on if they don’t do this. Or is it that people move on once their contract is finished because they have burned out and by changing jobs they hope to become more re-vitalized and energized in their new role only to have the same happen again, I feel that no matter where on the corporate ladder we find ourselves, it is about staying connected to self, having a solid and loving foundation from which to work, and bringing that presence to it. Great discussion and comments.
Awesome article Victoria. My answer is no. There is a part of me that feels like I absolutely have the potential to be in a very senior role, but the pressure and male dominance that comes with that territory feels all too terrifying for me to even consider it. It’s crazy, because on one hand, it’s the very reason more women need to step into those roles, to bring balance and remind men that they too are just as sensitive and amazing and don’t need to be aggressive and hard, but on the other hand it just isn’t set up in a way that welcomes change and possibilities of doing things differently, and hence the deterrent.
I really understand what you are sharing here Elodie. I have been in some senior roles within organisations, reporting also to Executives, the politics, the aggression that is felt, is not pleasant. I do agree it is a deterrent to wanting to climb up the corporate ladder and meet the men where they are at, even the women who do get through to very senior roles, a lot i have come into contact with or had as bosses, have been incredibly hard and incredibly masculine.
What you share Victoria is so true and would be great to research and debate. What also came to me is how more ‘worth’ is placed on being a ‘high-powered executive’, or being ‘at the top’ or earning a large salary. Many women, including myself, don’t need or want such accolades to feel worthy, we know that what we bring at a perceived lower level, or at any level, can be truly valuable.
Thanks Victoria – I believe there definitely needs to be more conversation in society about this topic. Amongst people I know personally, I have noticed that there are many men and women who choose not to take on the top positions because of the work culture that it entails ie being on call 24/7, long hours, lots of stress and pressure etc. The rewards are simply not worth the toll on people’s lives. To me the sad part of all this is the lack of recognition that this is a problem. Instead it is assumed that someone will want these jobs and so the status quo remains with nothing really changing in the work environment.
Yes it makes a lot of sense not to go into a world of power-struggle and harshness, and I think it does for men to. I think more and more men feel how the unhealthy environments doesn’t appeal to them. Hopefully they will make their voice heard and not just change jobs. People need to hear this and especially from us men. We don’t want this any more than the women do, it’s just that we’ve accepted it as our way and so then we can also initiate a change.
I tend to agree Matt that men don’t want to be working and living in this way either with the resultant stresses and strains on their health and relationships. This is really insightful Victoria and poses this dilemma in a way that’s possibly not been considered before.
I wonder, if we were able to to turn around the way we work and act to give it a more collaborative and evolving foundation, whether women would find this more rewarding and therefore take a different view – I expect that this could be the case, because, after all, the way we function as men in business and politics is not working. Take away the self and be and do all for humanity and we will have an inclusive society that embraces everyone irrespective of gender.
Great comment Michael, the roles in organisations would then be much more rewarding on all levels for all concerned.
Allowing oneself to be ‘driven’ in whatever form it takes, and in whatever role, has become so accepted even lauded, that to say no to this seems strange, and yet one day such behaviour will be looked back upon for the addicted and dysfunction patterns of self abuse that it truly is.
I think it will too cjames2012 – I really hope we can see the connection with being ‘driven’ and the physical body getting sick. Sometimes it seems to puzzle the medical profession as to how illness and disease occur but if we allow ourselves to be more aware of what fuel is ‘driving’ us it’s easier to see the connection.
What I can feel from this blog and comments is that the ‘top’ positions and their roles may not really be the primary cause of the pressures of the top position, but the business model that is being run. The issues that comments are raising is the pressure of the position. What comes to mind is that yes, the top position does hold great responsibility, and this is actually what we shy away from, but also, that the model is that the responsibility is not shared equally with all members of the business taking full responsibility for the potential of their role, as equal members, all with different but necessary skills, and that employees are not viewing themselves as supporting the top position, that does take more responsibility, quite often the business responsibilities for the employees.
Excellent blog Victoria Lister and it does beg the question that maybe we should be examining these top management positions in business and polictics etc in general for both men and women. We have to ask are men really doing ok in these roles and what is toll on their physical or mental as a result of trying to keep up with the demands of these jobs? Perhaps women are simply more aware and more honest by saying that high management positions in their current form simply ask to high a price of true quality of life and relationships, and it is one most of them are not prepared to pay.
I have never considered before now really being in a senior position. I had a ton of excuses, some very real and relevant at the time, but now as my confidence is growing, I can feel my potential, the clarity I can bring to situations and often a natural knowing of what is needed, I am seriously considering this. I love working with people and often can see the potential in others, so why not bring this to a more senior post. There’s a lot I feel I can bring to growing an organisation, still keeping my natural care and integrity. I’ll let you know how I go.
The system as it is at the moment does seem to favour a feeling of having to sacrifice everything for the privilege of having been given the top job and that it is a given that your family comes in second place from there on after. So, it does not surprise me that women and some men refuse these positions as paying a too higher price for the said privilege.
All of my life I have associated work success with family neglect and so have therefore avoided full commitment to work for quite some time. However, recently it has come to light the fact that what I thought was ‘work success’ is perhaps not the only way to be successful available, and that there are indeed other ways such as in the quality of my relationships with my colleagues, how well the department on the whole is supporting the entire business, how I feel at the end of a day or how I feel at the start knowing that there is a day of work ahead. Each of these markers are showing me the successes and the areas I still need to work on, and none of them take me away from my family.
The greatest work we can ever do is to live in the fullness of our light.
I find that many women align to male energy when they work and I too have felt in me the expectation or feeling that being a female in the work place is not enough and I needed to be like a man to get the job done. I know now that this is not true and the beauty and power that is female and is me is the true me that the world needs to see. I am still working out ways I can bring my true delicateness and femaleness to my work while still working hard and fulfilling all the tasks that are required. I am constantly bringing myself back to being with me, enjoying me and honouring me before I am my job. A work in progress. 🙂
You raise so many great points Victoria. I find the current work ethic in itself puts me off many positions I could apply for and they don’t necessarily have to be ones considered at the top, the high powered ones. In my experience once you accept anything over and above a certain pay threshold you are owned and are expected to go beyond what your body can handle and override what you feel in your heart to be true. I have watched many of my female peers climb the corporate ladder only to end up being more manly and tough than the men … To that end I have said No Way! I dipped my toe in there once for a while and the effects were disastrous to my health and well being.
I have met a lot of men and women who have held high-powered jobs and positions and after scratching just beneath the surface, almost all of them have described how they were burnt out as a result, some of them turning to alcoholism and drugs whilst others experiencing depression and nervous breakdown. Perhaps women are just more in touch with themselves and therefore less likely to engage in a career of almost certain self-destruction.
As women, through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and his family we relearn who we truly are in stillness and true power then we will honour ourselves and men will see this and start to also. The reflection from this of a new real more loving way of being in the work place will change things, allowing a real change in the honouring of people. Thank you for such a great blog Victoria.
Absolutely Tricia. The time is well overdue for work places everywhere to be about people first before it is about systems. As you say, it starts with women relearning ‘who we truly are in stillness and true power then we will honour ourselves and men will see this’ and also return to a more loving way of being in the work place.
Do women honour these qualities enough, do they feel what their true strengths are? What is true confidence for a woman?
It really would be a game-changer if women could bring their wisdom, stillness and delicateness to the corporate world as leaders. What a different world it would be.
I agree Bernadette. It would lay down a totally different foundation for the corporate world.
My sense is that with women who do aim to challenge and seek careers that go to the Exec level, there is typically a feeling of having to give up something, this can largely be unconscious, as they label themselves ‘career women’ or ambitious, but they do have to harden and become more masculine as a general rule. There are exceptions, but mostly women do this. Then there are women who aim to have the family ‘and’ career, but who then suffers, kids, family life, relationships, but mostly and typically the relationship with herself. Because most women are trying to ‘do it all’, that is where we’ve landed in society, women being on the treadmill of life, juggling many balls. This will only change when we as women claim back connecting to who we truly are, not being so influenced by what is imposed upon us, the ideals and beliefs we hold.
This is interesting what you are sharing Raegan as in both examples they show how women ‘give up something’ whether it is a high exec job or a mother doing it all. What we ultimately ‘give up’ is ourselves and our inner connection as women and as you have mentioned our relationship with our self. This is what hurts us the most – we miss ourselves.
Victoria, there is much to ponder here. I have never felt to be in a position as such and have observed with interest others that have and for me I can relate to when you said ” “No, I don’t want that, it doesn’t feel right… it feels like if I chose that, I would have to give up something precious and fundamental within me”.
My experience in the corporate world was one of comparison and competition and a dog eat dog like environment. I feel it is definitely possible for a women to be in this environment in her full power without needing to engage in these ways which would only make her hard and needing to crush her beauty and grace. In fact I have seen a number of women recently who are discovering true success in terms of their ability to be the tender and precious women they are and not lose themselves at work, in high power roles. This is inspired mostly by esoteric teachings and esoteric women’s health that discuss how to be ourselves at work, instead of going into disregard to ‘win the race’.
Excellent blog Victoria! I would just like to say that it is not just women who eschew high-powered jobs but also MEN! A good male friend of mine who has risen through the meritocracy of an oil multinational, has avoided the higher echelons of management simply because of an aversion to the politics involved. This machiavellian world was simply so far removed from his sense of honesty and transparency, that nothing short of a personality transplant would have enabled him to do it!
Hey Victoria, to me there are two things that need to be looked at. One is the woman herself and one is the society, us building up laws and systems. To me it is necessary that women are given the same chances like men. That they are paid equally for the same work, which in my country (Germany) still shows a gap up to 40% difference – for the same qualification. And the other thing is the woman herself. Each and every woman needs to be supported to find out whether she’s pushing herself a way she doesn’t want to go (career wise) or if the not doing is because of a lack of self worth she keeps holding on to. To me there is no general answer. Both things need to be considered.
Women don’t want high paid top jobs if they have to become more ‘manly’ to do it. Lets face it the corporate world is rough and tough at the best of times, most women just don’t feel it is honouring to work in such an environment and I totally understand that.
Great, great question Leigh. One that I am asking myself. It seems that we have all missed learning something very crucial and that is to be aware of our relationship to ourselves in our work. We are taught to make work about what we are doing, and that our worth can only be measured by how well we do it as recognised by others and hence the clocked up promotions. The quality of our being counts for nothing in this business and life model.
And what you have noted is that there can be a prevailing lack of worth that acts like a brick on our heads. It artificially holds us back from gaining the promotions in a way that is true and holds quality and the essence of the being as central to real success.
I love this thread. it has brought up so many important aspects of work life for discussion.
Somebody sent me a newspaper article where the topic was that most people don’t dare to speak about stress and workload, because they are afraid to be looked at as weak or unfit. Managers apparently don’t pay too much attention to the different signals of stress. The government wants to do something about it, to make this more accessible to talk about and open up and that people should not be ashamed to feel stressed etc. That’s at least a start….
True, it is a start. So too conversations like this that involve so-called ordinary (but never truly ordinary) people affected by a business culture that makes us frauds…just trying to get by.
I like what you’ve shared here Victoria, rather than going along with the ‘women can’t cut it’ mentality what if there was a strength in knowing that those roles are not meant for us and honouring that feeling(?). A couple of months ago I was really pushing myself for a supervisor role, my self worth was pretty low and as such I felt crushed when I didn’t get it. Then a friend pointed out to me that I had gone for the job because I didn’t feel enough as I was in my job right now nor appreciate what I already bring to my place of work and that I already am a supervisor in my own way. Two days ago I once again watched as another college be promoted instead of me, this time I did not feel crushed but reading this blog has got me asking the question what if our position or role in life doesn’t equal our worth?
Thank-you Victoria for shining the light on our ability to deeply know our limits and to celebrate this awareness over the pigeon holing notions that women just “don’t have what it takes”.
I feel often we say no to high profile jobs to avoid feeling jealousy.
I definitely agree Margaret- jealousy and the force that comes with it is very harming. And consciously or subconsciously I feel many people avoid living their life in full e.g. attaining high roles because of having felt it in the past, and not wanting to go there again.
Recently I got myself all stressed out during work. I had pushed myself way too hard for many days in a row and used food and distractions to numb my body away from feeling what I was doing to it. The result was chronic pain in my neck and shoulder. But I love to work, I love being with people, applying myself to tasks, and coming home at the end of the day to my gorgeous family. But the pain was unbearable, and I said to myself that there has to be another way. So, I chose not to blame the pressures of the job or even myself for choosing it, instead I made every effort to confirm who I am and to treat myself with absolute delicacy. The pain disappeared, and although the work pressures did not, my sense of who I am and my ability to handle whatever comes was re-ignited. So, maybe life really is all about how we live and not so much about what we do.
As a man I often observe the hardness women (also men) go into when they are in higher profile jobs. The whole work place environment seems to be set up in a male way, competitive and trying in every way for one to exceed in one’s job, so to stay protected and not feel any rejection from others.
Thank you Victoria for bringing this important topics to the forefront.
I have always had ‘what it takes’ to get to the top but recall being in my 20’s and articulating that I wasn’t going to be climbing ladders to please anyone, thank you. I prefer to work intuitively and harmoniously with others in a team of equals: the dog eat dog mentality and stepping in dead man’s shoes to get ahead is not a route I’m interested in pursuing in any way whatsoever.
It’s an interesting irony in fighting for more women in top positions and there are so many articles telling you what to do or, more the point, what women should do. That we don’t negotiate hard enough and we don’t play the game enough.
It feels like the game is perpetuating a cycle of women not feeling good enough no matter what choices we make. Women are so much more than what they do. This is the shift in focus that needs to occur.
This blog opens up the important question of changing the culture of business and not giving up on it. It feels true that women, in full claiming of their grace and beauty and their naturally multifaceted expression, are so much needed to implement this change. There are qualities in a woman, where they do not play the competitive, hard nose male game, which is deeply reflective of a new business model. Universal Medicine, run by both men and woman in this quality, is an example of a business that needs to be studied.
Agree Simon, the culture of business needs changing. It is time for organisations to respect and focus on people whether staff or customers, and not on systems as is the current want. As you say, Universal Medicine is reflective of a new business model which does just that, as evidenced by the recent award for customer service.
Yes, and women have work to do in the sense of finding a way to work harmoniously together, as we see in Universal Medicine. Then the powerhouses that women are can be lived in a way that is honoring for both men and women.
How does this change? When there are enough women and men whose quality and motivation draws them to these ‘top jobs’ and who are strong enough in the living of their power and glory not to be dragged down by the corporate culture around them.
“Has anyone thought to check in with women as to what they really want?” Love it, there is always a reason. And i feel that if the true reason were to be looked at, the business world would be exposed and how life is being lived would be on its head.
Victoria, I can’t help but ask ‘why do top jobs require people to make sacrifices?’ and ‘why aren’t people placed in top jobs because of their ability to inspire and lead, rather than how much they do or how many hours they work?’. I’ve been inspired by Serge and Natalie Benhayon, as two examples of people who work long hours in many different projects, but they do so in a way that doesn’t deplete them, or put pressure on their personal relationships and family. This has inspired me to be able to work in a different way where I contribute far more than I ever have, in a quality that doesn’t exhaust me.
Hi Sandra, this is a great point and I agree that the role models of Serge and Natalie Benhayon are tremendous in how much they are able to do in a single day with a constant vitality not only within themselves but in all their relationships too. Personally, I have been exploring this way of living and have not yet mastered it, but the benefits are already starting to show as I have been able to work longer days and develop greater relationship both with myself and with my colleagues, friends, and family.
Yes, I am so inspired by Serge and all the Benhayons – their total commitment and how they are working that is self-loving and whose vitality expresses itself in their work. I so haven’t mastered it but they have shown me it is possible and the usual ways of getting work load overwhelm need not apply.
Hear Hear Sandra, I agree!
This is inspiring Sandra. The Benhayon family do indeed lead by example showing us it is possible to work long hours and be involved in many different projects. They are by no means ‘hard’ and their behaviour is not ‘cut throat’. The love and dedication they bring to all they do is simply a natural way to live which does not drain them. They are true role models from whom we can all learn a great deal.
Victoria its a great point you make. With all the years that have gone by has anyone ever checked what women actually want? My feeling is there is simply a want for absolute equality, a deep care, love and respect along with an absolute appreciation for being who they are. In all of that, it does not mean the women has to do the same as the man because who says the man has got it right? With burn-out rates sky high perhaps a full circle review of our approach to work needs to be considered. With Serge Benhayon we have someone who works incredibly hard and dedicated in a way that is alien to the large majority of the population yet he does it with Joy, simplicity and without draining himself – perhaps we need to ask – how is that possible and what is he, and now many thousands of others, doing?
I know a few women in top high powered jobs and with all of them I have noticed a certain kind of hardness in their bodies and in how they react with people. Any job where we sell ourselves out to get somewhere is seriously never worth it, always it comes back to bite us in the form of emotional or health problems.
I sold myself out to hardness to “manage” in my working world and to pay my bills, not knowing that I had a choice back then. I felt the damage that I was doing to myself and pressed on regardless. The consequences have been enormous, as you say samanthaengland, in emotional and health problems and definitely not worth it. We need to intensify our demonstration to the world that there is another way to live.
Great questions Victoria and ones that need further reflection for us all as a community. The climate of the business world is very masculine and driven and does not emanate or champion warmth, care and connection. We need women to bring their deeply nurturing and loving quality to the business world and all parts of life for that matter. Perhaps the power is in starting to bring this into our everyday life which can reverberate and be felt in the business world – paving the way for true change.
Really interesting to ponder Sarah and Victoria – thank you. If women are not taking up top corporate/business/political jobs for all of the reasons presented, then women are essentially saying ‘yes’ to the masculine and driven qualities that we know the business world to be, as the men in these positions govern the decision making for most of the products and policies that effect our everyday lives. I agree Sarah that for women there is a need to nurture and express our natural ‘warmth, care and connection’ in our everyday lives, and if we were to actively commit to this en masse the reverberations would be enormous. And to clarify, it’s not about outing the men, it’s about outing the cut-throat, hard and driven work environments that do not truly serve any of us.
Victoria I think many women make a decision based on your observation that certain roles are not natural to them as individuals or as a women. It is a wise choice in my opinion although often enough we may still put our family and loved ones ahead of ourselves.
Hi Victoria, I agree with you. I have no doubt that if I had wanted to I could have been a woman at the top in the corporate world. As it was I was a CEO for 9 years, front cover of magazines, Women of the Year lunches, sitting at tables with men who were all managing multi-billion dollar portfolios. I could have progressed exponentially in the corporate world, if you call what I would have needed to do to progress a progression. Ultimately this was not a life style that held any appeal to me as it was based on a lot of false values, game playing, disregard of self and others, answering to bean counters, doing things in unintelligent ways because they were deemed appropriate and an absence of fun, playfulness and love – why would I want that?
Awesome Nicola, thanks for sharing that.
I feel you have raised a very important point about women being in positions of power in the work place Victoria. I feel that the real issue here is that women are trying to fit into systems that have been set up by men for men and that women together with men should examine the whole way in which things are being done. I also feel that women are very much needed in theses roles to bring more balance and a more harmonious way of doing things in the world.
Yes, and if the women take these jobs with the belief they have to be ‘like the men’, then something very important and beautiful is lost in the workplace. Women are needed in these roles, bringing their true femaleness which then can support the maleness of the men.
Absolutely TM, women are very much needed in these roles but to bring with them their natural power and not trying to fit into the current systems dominated by competition and disharmony.
Yes I so agree. Women and their harmonious influence is much needed in the world (of work) and the tendency for women to become more like ‘men’ (witness Maggie Thatcher as PM in the UK) does a disservice to everyone. Systems need to be more about people and the more this is called out for – by both women and men – the sooner it will change. Life-style balance benefits everyone.
I’ve returned to your blog again Victoria because it is insightful and raises an important question. Eighteen years ago, I made a decision to not apply for more senior corporate roles. I made this choice based on how I felt and my observations of women in senior roles. I too got caught up in the energy of ‘position’, wanted to succeed and became depleted. I saw the behaviour of women colleagues change as they became tough to compete against men, and other women. I observed behaviour that was undermining, manipulating, single minded, even ruthlessness. It was cut-throat. When it was time for me to make a career move I knew that ‘up’ wasn’t it. I realised, as you expressed so well, that those roles ‘weren’t natural to me as an individual or as a woman’ and walked away from them. Thank you for showing us that women may choose not to take on more senior roles, not because of weakness or feeling not up to it, but because they are strong enough to say ‘No’ and instead choose to honour themselves as women and find roles more aligned to their natural selves.
These are very valid points Kehinde. It is not because of weakness that women say ‘no’, it is because we are strong enough to say ‘no’ to the ruthless cut-throat world that accompanies some of these roles.
Yes Rebecca I remember at times questioning my reluctance to go to the next rung up the ladder before I realised I was being true to myself.
I agree Kehinde and Rebecca. If enough strong women refuse positions where cut throat behaviour is a prerequisite, and say why, it will filter up and change will happen.
Would it be possible to bring our true essence to these cut-throat roles and be the inspiring point of light?
It isn’t natural for men either. They also put themselves into an unnatural way of being and working to satisfy these roles for the status, money, recognition, etc often to the detriment of their health and family lives. So what is being called out here, is that the model being followed by many senior people in organisations (regardless of gender), is a false model and one that doesn’t offer any true inspiration or leadership to others.
This issue is very topical right now, only yesterday I attended a “Women in IT” event where the topic was firmly – why are there so few women in IT, and why are there even less female executives? The points you make are good, and to be considered. We could also add simply because many women do not see themselves as capable of being a senior leader. The role model of male executives is so strong women don’t even consider this is what they can do. To me this is often because we don’t appreciate ourselves, and what we bring to our roles.
That’s a great point to add in, alongside what Victoria has raised. If we don’t appreciate what we bring and do and our potential then we won’t put ourselves forward for a senior leadership role.
That’s so true. If we don’t appreciate ourselves then we can’t see or fully appreciate what we bring so can’t see how integral what we bring is to what we are delivering in our workplace.
I know if I’m not fully appreciating how amazing I am I know I’m not fully living my amazingness and expressing it in all I do. I’d never have the confidence in myself to go for high level jobs or inspire others to have that belief in me when I hadn’t got it for myself.
This is such a great point and timely for me to read. Appreciaction of what we bring is key and also not to be afraid of the power that we hold within in us as women. True potential – True women
Yes absolutely Denise. True leadership from the preciousness of a woman is very powerful.
Perhaps the problem is that women have not embraced the innate leadership that is within us… and, in trying to approach life as a man would, we lose touch with the strength that we bring – making it all ‘seem too difficult’. Women are often amazing ‘managers’ in families, running households, projects etc. If we can appreciate the way our natural expression can lead in this example, why should the corporate world be any different…? We can’t be a woman in a high profile role if we leave the woman we are at home.
Yes Heather, lack of true self-appreciation is definitely a lacking element in most of us until we learn to consciously stop and appreciate ourselves. Of course this common lack is going to play out in all our choices and what we consider we are capable of achieving and contributing. Great insight.
That’s right, if we don’t appreciate ourselves and what we might bring to a role, how can anyone see that we are right for that position? Historically women have been held out of senior leader roles because they were seen as less capable than men intellectually and subject to the ‘woman’s duties’ of household chores and children, and therefore not able to put the time in. These views are changing and discussion threads like this one are a great way to bring out the impulse of where that change needs to head.
Great blog Victoria. And Elizabeth and Rachel you bring up very important points in your mini thread, ” I have indeed come to see that no role is more important than I am.” Is so true.
This article is so empowering on many levels. Victoria I love how you challenge the ‘normal’ way of thinking, that everyone wants to go for the top position and that if it is not achieved in some way we are a failure or let others down. For women and men to read this and realize they are not in that ‘top’ job because they chose not to be and not because they didn’t make it. I also know many men who have not taken key positions because they have said quite literally, “it is not worth putting that much strain and pressure on my family”. Basically they too are saying I am putting family and me first. What this article has got me to ponder is why we do not celebrate these individuals, celebrate the loving choices they are making instead of them left to feel lesser for such a choice. Our normal is often abnormal.
Really good point Caroline many men too do not want these roles, maybe we should be looking at the roles and asking how can they be changed in order to make them less unhealthy!
So true. Without balance and real enjoyment in our work, all the success in the world is not worth it and will leave us feeling empty. I hope that business in the future will not be based on our current competitive model where all is forsaken for the ‘prize’ at the end.
I agree with Cristoffschelle, below – his line ‘I wonder if we pay a price for comfort over time by constantly being less than who we are’ gave me much to ponder on – and not just my working life.
I have to say yes I feel it is possible to be in a high powered role and hold yourself and I have to agree with Christoph that many people choose comfort over an opportunity to serve humanity in a so-called high powered role. The truth is the power is in all of us but if we don’t bring it to whatever role we’re in then it seems some roles/jobs are held as more high-powered than others. In truth some might be seen to have more responsibility so is this what we are still backing away from – responsibility? I have learned recently that we all have the capacity to do much more when we make the purpose about humanity and not self.
Great point Christoph, I feel it is very easy to get caught up in the comfort and playing safe in other words making life about the self and not about humanity in which case it might be required of you to be in such positions as long as there is a foundation of self care and honouring of the body.
So true Caroline, well said.
Yes great point Caroline – to not take these jobs is often seen as a lesser choice but it should be celebrated. And I would love to see a more honest appraisal of this culture that we are seen to want to aspire to because what is it really? And I think this article raises very valid points – I think intuitively women (and some men) can see it and feel it and say no. But how do we change this….I will do some thinking around that.
Great point Caroline, it brings up the society drive to strive for better, be better than who you are, be better than others, the sky is the limit, rather than allowing ourselves to do our best where we are. That being at the so called top is not the top for everyone.
This can be in any position …. Not necessarily ones considered high powered. We are getting clobbered all the time.
Very well says Caroline and Victoria. Saying no to the excessive pressure and pushing that is championed in corporate environments comes tarnished — pushing the limits and scoring the massive bonus while we get more and more exhausted seems to be what is applauded while our own and family life suffers. Our entire quality of life is compromised for the endless thirst of a pay-check and reward that can never satiate. It seems we’ve got a few things back to front and upside down…
Great comment Caroline and Victoria your article raises some great insights and questions. It is very true that in this world of re-learning we have made the normal in many many cases abnormal. I often find it so very interesting that we have to re-learn to make loving choices once again.
Yes Jane – is there another way for leaders to be? I am considering a high-profile position within the community and it is interesting what is coming up for me. Especially as a woman – do I want to ‘put myself out there’ and be ready for the back-lash that will come forth so I could relate to the comfort comments that came up on this blog. But it does feel that it is needed for a different way for leaders to be – one that holds them true to who they are first and the job second.
Great points here. I can relate to the comfort thing Christoph brings up. I see many, including myself, stay in a comfort zone, whether you call it ‘lay low’ to avoid attacks (jealousy) or pressures (demands, interests etc.). It requires a deep sense of responsibility to serve the whole and commitment to rhythm to sustain this level of presence in such a position.
Awesome comment Caroline, this is so true. I love how you highlighted to celebrate the people who are making these loving choices. Who are choosing to not to put themselves or their families under strain. I also wonder if more of these people who are making these loving choices are to be placed at top roles (CEO positions) and are running the show, how much more appealing would that role be?
You raise a very valid point… women do know what’s at stake if they take high-powered roles, and choose not to risk that. The idea of working in politics makes my stomach churn, having to put up with the sexism and bullying. I’m in a relatively senior position and have been able to make the role work for me and my family. There is always external pressure there, and I could always work more hours – but how I respond to that, and how I look after myself in that – is key. Right now, I don’t feel to “climb any higher” as the requirements of me would be too great… and the only reason I would is if the organisation was open to a ‘new way’ of being at work… that wasn’t about driving people to their limits, but had a people first culture and valued efficiency and productivity over long hours.
Would it be possible to introduce that new way of being at work in your area of responsibility?
Agree christophschnelle, in some instances we need to wait but in others we need to recognise when we are the ones to bring the change.
Being the example is the only way to make true change. Good on you Brooke for not giving yourself over to the organisation and staying true to yourself.
I like your valid point Brooke about organisations having a people first culture and valuing efficiency and productivity over long hours. What so many companies do not realise is that driving their employees to the bone is reducing productivity and performance and missing altogether that nurturing their staff and encouraging them to look after themselves would create a wonderful working environment and get not only efficient, but quality work achieved. The more of us that implement subtle changes into workplaces the sooner the ‘powers at be’ will start to realise the value in what is being presented.
Thank you Victoria for asking the questions. Personally, working in a high powered role came at too high a price. Working long hours, having to be available whenever work dictated was exhausting. I had cleaners, ironing ladies, all meals catered for, frequent 5 star mini holidays to ‘unwind’ (and still be on call), to support me in my demanding work. I could feel myself slipping away from myself or to put it bluntly, I felt I had sold my Soul. After 11 years of working this way, I walked away from the stress and anxiety and chose a quieter life style. The was all before attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations and the support offered by Universal Medicine Practitioners. Now, perhaps I would handle a huge workload differently, but I feel that would no longer serve me or anyone else.
I have witnessed women in mid level management positions harden to deal with their role so I can just imagine the effect that high-calibre board roles might have on a woman’s body – A body that is not designed to carry such stressors… And probably neither are men.
This is an awesome blog Victoria with ever expanding comments…
So then does a ‘high powered’ job mean…
Try hard. Hardness.Competition and comparison. Game playing?
What if a woman that has truly claimed her ‘power’ is already in a high powered job ? 😊
Women that are deeply connected to who they are, are needed everywhere ✨
Thank you Victoria for opening up such a great discussion. There is an assumption that for a woman to be a leader in business that she has to ‘fight her way to the top’ and ‘out-man the men’. This attitude leads to constant competition with those you work with always manning the defences to repel anyone who may be trying to take your place. With more women working in all levels of business I feel there is a growing sense of equalness and there is slowly becoming much less aggression and driven hardness at all levels of management. Men are responding to this and developing a much more harmonious work/life balance. Serge Benhayon demonstrates to us all that you can run a very demanding and complex business with no competition or hardness and share an equalness with everyone you work with.
Brilliant Victoria, your words got me wondering what the world would be like if it was based on a more feminine approach. What if we were to promote nurturing, self-care, tenderness and stillness before action? I feel this is something that would benefit men and women equally. Your article shows powerfully how discussion about gender equality leaves out one vital ingredient: energy.
Very interesting presentation Victoria thank you. In response to the survey I have never felt ‘equipped” to compete in male dominated arenas. It just isn’t in me to push into the mental sphere that I always assumed is required. There has been no lack of push in me for physical work requirements, so it’s not about hard work. But the mental one is one that is really unappealing.
It is not just high powered roles that this question relates to, but also the construction industry, an industry which I have been involved in for over 20 years. In that time I have seen women who have entered the workforce and tried to match it with the men – of course all to no avail. This is not because women cannot provide a meaningful contribution to the building industry, but rather I observe that women invariably try to be something they are not – and try to outdo the men, rather than bringing their natural qualities to the roles they take on. Whether it be in the role of engineer, or electrician, the times I have seen women make a huge difference in the industry is when they have stayed true to themselves – honoured the fact that they can, for example, not lift as much as the men, but rather acknowledge that they have other strengths that are just as important. Our industry is characterised by the exact harshness you have described that exists in the world of CEOs, only perhaps more so. Deep down, if they are honest, most men would prefer the industry was not so “tough”, and quite often I have observed how a woman who brings herself to the industry and is not intimidated by the men actually changes the culture of the work environment naturally so. The movie “The Lord of the Flies” is a great example of what happens when boys, or men, are left to their own devices, and the construction industry is very much a real life example of this. We need the balance that women bring. Women have the capacity to bring harmony to this industry, if only they do not shy away from who they naturally are, instead of trying to man up and beat the men at their own game – a strategy that has been proven to fail over time.
I have almost always worked for myself because I didn’t know how to be in offices without losing myself. Now, I am working for someone else and am loving it. It is not high powered or a corporate setting, but rather in a spa and I just love the community of people who work and come there. I would take on a leadership role without hesitation now if I felt the employer was open to me truly leading a new way of working that allows people to truly be themselves and care for themselves.
I feel nowadays, there are a lot of women striving for high powered positions but it comes with the intention of outdoing the men and this comes at a cost, as we can see the raise in women’s health issues. It would be great if more women could do this in a way that truly honours their bodies without the need to harden just to prove a point.
It feels like most people, the very large majority, feel they have to go into hardness to perform and be what they think is expected of them in the world. It takes a deep connection of knowing oneself to step outside of this, to claim ourselves with the quality of gentleness and tender strength that we truly are and to bring this to the workplace
I would very much like to see more women in high leading roles but not for gender equality, political correctness or quota, but to change the whole agenda the business world and politics are caught up in. “To put a female touch to it” is well accepted in our homes but what about a female touch in business life? Surely we all would benefit from that, and even when men would be hesitant in the beginning, deep underneath and over time they would enjoy and feel supported by it as they will be released from the false ideals they are identified by.
Alex a great point, I know as men we are often caught up in the need to do, to complete and to compete. Having women in high profile roles should be something we naturally have as the simplicity and strength they can bring would certainly be something that the business world needs. However the key point here is not to come into the role and change who the woman is (or man for that matter) but to bring a change into the workplace that is needed – to bring in the great wisdom and truth that is left at the door over profits.
I totally agree David and Alex. Women could make such a difference in the business world, as the focus on what they are able to bring would be a different one. Having worked mostly with female colleagues in my working life, I have often experienced how amazingly powerful women are in bringing stillness and clarity to the working world.
Such a thought provoking read, Victoria. The question seems to be do we as women avoid taking on these senior roles as we may have to lose our connection to self and family in order to “achieve” in the role or do we take on these senior roles in organisations and reflect something different to the organisations -that is I am a woman who has the ability to do this work and I can be who I truly am which also means that I will have the flexitime I need to have for myself and family. I lead a small(8 people) mostly female team in a big healthcare organisation and I encourage flexibility for each team member to be able to manage themselves, their families and their work and I endeavour to reflect this to them in how I am in my livingness. At times I am pulled into the “over committed” energy and can lose myself but this is an ongoing learning for me!
Thank you Victoria, I have really enjoyed the topic you have raised and reading the conversations and comments that have followed. I have not chosen to take the career path so far in this life. In fact I did not even consider it. I had decided as a 12 yr old that I would not be finishing yr 12 not attending university. I knew I would be having a family and that my work would be mostly to stay at home to raise my children. So I am now learning about being out in the world of work bringing all of me and not feeling as though I have to become like the environment I am working in. This has been challenging at times in small business situations, let alone how high pressured it becomes in large corporations. I do notice how harming it is when I allow myself to be hooked into the raciness and pressure that is often just ‘expected’ at work…..I am able to more and more, work at my own steady pace, bringing a stillness and gentleness and I have felt that in time, the people I work with are more able to appreciate what it is that I bring.
Yeah True, a very interesting topic indeed.
I was just imagining what it would be like in some alternate reverse image world, where the dominant characteristic and accepted social moire of the male was tenderness and sensitivity, what would the headlines be then? … Men Don’t Really Want to Be on Top?
When it takes such compromise and sacrifice to be at the head of corporations and companies, what is reflecting to all the levels below.
A totally new paradigm is needed and this is what Universal Medicine is offering on all levels
I have worked with men closely at the top. It seems once these men have reached this top (for whatever reason) they are hostaged by the system. The only pay off is hand in your sensitivity at the start. The result for the CEO is often hardness, loss of sense of reality and therefore the impact of their choices, hands tied, ‘stand alone’ and lonely around peers in their team, little honesty to each other and much more. What would happen if at the start men were told: you will lose your tenderness and sensitivity? I guess we have to go back to another start: upbringing and education of men. If that changes. It will gradually have an affect on the working world. It will in time look differently. It will have to transform. Indeed Chris, we need a totally new paradigm to start with.
I feel that when women master how to hold them self with the steadiness and care required to perform a high powered role without compromise to the demands and expectations of a male dominated society, the numbers may tip and the potential for what they can bring the role and the company will be extraordinary. However today the compromise required by most jobs for women to perform to the male equivalent and to judge against this, instead of being allowed their own expression within the role, is too great a cost for many women.
This is a great conversation and I’d love to see (and help get out there) some wider research on it. I know first hand what it is like to work in high pressure high ‘powered’ jobs as a woman and the toll it takes on your body. This is what I have done for most of my working life and the momentum of it is massive.
Only last year have I stopped working 14 hour days – so much to do, so much to ‘fix’, the stakes seeming so high, the work so important, the time so impossibly tight. Thanks to UM, I am feeling the true impact of that in my body, the reasons why I do it, and exploring another way.
I was raised to be a hard worker and that work ethic magnified in adulthood as I became a City lawyer and then an in-house lawyer in the fast-paced tech/media sector. I had seemingly inexhaustible energy reserves, but became fuelled by extreme exercise and coffee. I took very short maternity leave and regularly worked into the night after the kids were asleep, fuelled by dark chocolate. It is clear to me now I was trying to prove my worth, but it’s a futile exercise.
Gradually, my work has taken on new meaning – the focus is shifting from proving something to expressing in truth and supporting those around me. The pressure has not changed, but the way I handle it has. If that is sustainable, which it feels like it is, then there IS another way. And if that is correct, then women *could* stay true to themselves and still take on high profile/’top level’ jobs, without the need for hardening, acting like men etc. That is if they wanted to. It will certainly not be for everyone and child care in particular is a hard one to embrace and get right for yourself and your family.
Perhaps it depends on where we are called to serve and if we are women and we are called to serve in the corporate world, then that’s where we make it work?
Looking forward to seeing how this conversation unfolds further.
I have not had a high profile job and have not gone above a ground position. This is not because the opportunity didn’t present itself it is because I didn’t want to be apart of the politics and unseen happenings. I have always liked to keep it simple. Know your job and do it well with all of yourself.
This article is so true and I had not considered that no one has asked the women if they want to be in these high powered roles. I know I would not like to be, as it would mean putting work ahead of myself. I had often thought that there was something wrong with me or that I wasn’t driven enough that I didn’t want to put myself into a job that demanded so much of me. So thank you for reminding me that it is my choice to not want these types of roles as they feel like an unloving choice.
Every time I read this blog it question my own choices more deeply. In 1993 I walked away from a PhD having completed one and half years. The reason I chose to walk? Everything seemed very complicated and completely overwhelming at the time. Lousy relationship, excessive financial pressure from poor choices, and a supervisor who was less than interested in the project…yes I can (and did) blame all of those things.
The truth was more simple. I did not care, to put it perhaps rather crudely, “a tinker’s cuss” about myself – hence the lousy choices. I put not one thing in place to give myself a solid base for those committed years of study and hence a far more powerful career in research and academia.
I don’t think I was alone in being a woman who did not look after herself to the detriment of my career and professional standing.
Do women do this more than men? I cannot say. All I can say is that I had a subterranean sense of self worth, and I allowed it to sink me, and I know other who have done the same.
Quotas for numbers of women, forcing women into positions and other such solution based tactics makes no difference to a woman (or man) who does not know that they are great and have an immense amount to offer.
The focus needs to be on a true establishment of self worth. Not rah rah artificially pumped up nonsense, and not on getting more women into positions of power where they will do well for the business, but if it is without real value for herself means nothing is truly accomplished in the end.
Lately I have been feeling much more confident in my working skills as a professional and as a woman. I have toyed with the idea of running some big gig corporate office or being a board member, but to be honest, I don’t actually know what they do! I just know it would take more time and energy. In my office position now, I am busy and work 37 hours per week. I am still learning and refining my rhythms of self care and nurturing within this commitment and actually feel like I struggle some days to fit it all in. To take on one of these high profile jobs I feel a really strong foundation of self care needs to be lived so as to not lose oneself in the hype, stress of excitement on offer.
I loved reading this blog Ms Lister! Juanita Phillips’ comment about giving up ‘something precious and fundamental within me’ to pursue an executive or senior position is a powerful and telling comment that really resounded with me. What we feel in our bodies is the truth. I wonder what has happened to the ‘preciousness and fundamentals’ of those women who have sought exec positions? Did they disconnect from what they felt in order to pursue a top job, were they aware their preciousness to begin with, or was it dismissed in the belief that kudos and achievement were more important? Thank you for your inspiration in asking these questions Victoria.
I loved reading this blog Ms Lister! Juanita Phillips’ comment about the prospect of giving up ‘something precious and fundamental within me’ to pursue an executive or senior position, is a powerful and telling comment that really resounded with me. What we feel in our bodies is the truth, even when it requires more soul searching and examination from various perspectives to come to a greater understanding. You are inspiring in the way you have opened up the conversation for people to share what it is for them that has not been attractive about seeking higher positions or if they have, inviting them to share their feelings. I wonder how their connection with what is precious and fundamental within them, has fared?
A great exploration Victoria. Getting to the top is a false ideal we are sold and told to aim for rather than encouraged to be the best we can whereever we are in an organisation. I know many women saying loud and clear the cut and thrust, late nights, competitiveness and brutishness is not for me. I also know some working at director level, so called successfully, and paying a high price to do so. It is, as you say, what we have to become to succeed in top corporate roles that deters many women. I’ve experienced this myself and instinctively knew I did not want to go up in an organisation, and chose out and self employment instead.
I would not have chosen in a million years to go the route of the top executives, partly because I could see that although they had positions of power and wealth and influence, there was something underneath that was fundamentally wrong with how they were driven to achieve and beat others down. And even those who may have not been so ruthless, would seem to eventually give up and join in the game.. because that was the only way. But now I wonder if this can actually change, and both men and women will enter into the top roles from a perspective of dedication to true leadership, bringing inspiration to those who work for them and treating all equally and with absolute respect. How would that change the world!
Great contribution Annie and such an amazing perspective on what could be the reality of business and leadership roles. There is great power to yield for those whose purpose is to serve humanity rather than self gain.
Very true Annie. The way that it is set up, women are expected to perform like men. Perhaps the men in these positions feel insecure about women because they are actually able to offer something very different, if they are staying true to themselves and not joining the rat race.
You bring up some very interesting points Victoria, and I have to say that the high profile roles are not particularly attractive to me the way the current business models stands – that very driven and results focussed approach does not appeal. I am all about connecting with people first and foremost, so if the corporate world changes there might be a role I am interested in!
I agree Victoria. I don’t think that many women are willing to give up what is needed to be in those positions. There are many men that aren’t also. However, these men don’t get talked about as there are plenty of men who are willing to do whatever it takes to get these positions, even at the detriment of themselves and their own health.
This article, which has given me access to a totally new view of why I always choose to stay away from the career path. It was not because I would not have been capable to work my way up quite quickly, but every time the offering of a classical “career” crossed my path I clearly felt that I do not want that. Until now I had believed, that this had been because of a lack of self-worth and fear of standing in the limelight, but now I can clearly feel, that the main reason has been that I did not want to have to work on such a high-stakes environment of pressure, force, aggression and coldness with no true appreciation or a sense for a work-life-balance.
Thank you Victoria for this beautiful blog :o)
Beautifully said Michael, I have in my working life observed those who go into top management roles, male and female and working in the NHS my observations have led me to see that you either become hard, aggressive and demanding to succeed or if you remain supportive of staff and a genuinely good manager – one who sees passed the £ sign you generally end up out on your ear. It is possible the world of management can and will change but as Elizabeth said being who you are and knowing that is more important than any role is what will bring the change for all the world to see.
Exactly Judy. It is us and the reflection we offer through the life we are living that gives others the possibility to feel inspired by seeing that there is another way to live, one of responsibility and love. For in offering this reflection our status in the working life does not matter.
Great question – and I agree we haven’t really looked at whether women want to shoehorn themselves into that world as it stands at the moment. I had to pull out of my job when I had my second child because childcare cost the same amount as I was being paid and I was so stressed at getting back in time it just didn’t seem right for my kids to get ‘grumpy mum’ instead of ‘so pleased to see you mum’. Now I am going back into it I wonder at the ethics and choices made at those higher levels of business. It seems, and I stress seems, such a dog eat dog world and it makes me want to be a vegetarian! For some reason I think the best and most logical way to get things done is as a team not as a pyramid.
Well stated Lucy, bring on brotherhood in team work and then we will see some real high-powered action. What is it about being at the top? At the top of what? Why should one person get the credit for what a team ultimately does anyway?
What I really got from your blog is that there is more to look at for us all as to why there are so few woman in high-profile roles. That there can be other reasons why some women choose not to work in such a role as it is asking them to leave something from themselves behind. Maybe the ways current high-profile roles are designed is not very good for the health of both men and women. Maybe the high-profile roles could be reviewed and changed so they are more loving and healthy for anyone working in that position. I, for me, think that is a great thing to do, high work pressure is not good for anyone.
Great topical blog Victoria. A woman at the top leading by way of honouring herself first is our future. When people become more valuable than the mighty dollar true wealth as a society will be seen.
I wonder if there are other reasons as well.
Clearly behaving like a stereotypical man is going to be exhausting and there may be little point in having such a career.
However, a lot of women do very well being in charge of large areas while behaving and being themselves, which can be quite different from a stereotypical man. In many organisations, results count and whether you get them through confrontation or co-operation isn’t necessarily too important. I feel women can get to the top and stay there – they just have far fewer role models.
On the other hand there is actual and strong discrimination happening in many organisations. An interesting study http://www.economist.com/blogs/graphicdetail/2015/01/daily-chart-9 shows that women do well in fields where hard work is considered the main criteria for success while in areas where talent is considered the main criteria those at the top (which are usually not women) select people like themselves. Something similar may be happening in many corporations.
Christoph it’s good to be reminded that not all organisations are the same. Some are changing, encouraging partnership and team working to achieve results. I found that very often the rhetoric doesn’t match the reality but at least people are considering other ways of working. At one time there was an expectation that if more women got to the top they could change organisational culture. The reality for many is that they have had to change who they are to get to and stay at the top. I’ve witnessed something similar in relation to race. When black and/or people from other minority ethnic groups are promoted do they change the way things are done, promote fairer and more human ways of working for all, or do they protect their own personal interest, become part of the select group they’ve joined and change nothing?.
Great blog Victoria, when I think about it, I know a few women who have had high powered jobs and have ended up with breast cancer and eventually leaving those jobs worn out. What I can sense about the current work environment is that as yet there is not the foundational change that is needed to support the way women know in their bodies, working needs to be, and that comes down to the way we personally live our lives. High powered jobs require work that affects many people, and so we need to have the power within us to be effective at handling and managing the responsibility that this entails. This comes down to how we live and feel about ourselves and how we approach the actual job proposed. This is a great topic, worthy of much discussion.
Saying “Yes” to a high profile role doesn’t necessarily equate with success, but saying “Yes” to what is right for us is.
So well put Melinda.
I have been feeling into this post a lot over the past couple of months and have been pondering on if it is possible to have women in high powered roles and for them to remain in their tenderness and preciousness. I know it to be possible but the pressures and demands on us all inside our work is so great. From hospitality, to the caring profession like I am in, to trades men, to those working within the Libraries etc. We each have pressures and demands put on us to achieve and hold a standard of the organisation that we are a part of. Usually this comes at the expense of ourselves. I have been wondering if it is possible to not do this at the expense of ourselves and I’m still working that out. Recently I’ve come to notice and be aware of generally how many women and men in our communities are overweight, highly stressed, recovering from being burnt out, suffering depression, using stimulants like V or red bull to keep them going…I am still struggling on a personal level with my health and wellbeing and am recovering from having my adrenals constantly run in overdrive due to my high levels of anxiety so am rebuilding what it is to have a true vitality. But the more I re-build my true vitality with the support of women and men that have been studying with Universal Medicine and have been able to offer information to me that I relate to, I understand and I feel is specifically designed for me and my body in my own healing process, I am starting to feel like it is indeed possible for women to be in roles where the demands are high and still live a super tender and beautiful way of being. This isn’t just specifically for women either, I feel this to be the case for men too. If we deeply learn to self love and nourish and care for ourselves ever so lovingly, when we go to work and are put under the pressures of work we have ample amount of energy to do whatever it is that is necessary… even if the demands are really high. The level of self care and self loving needs to be really high.
For me I have not yet mastered this but I can feel it is possible… without the stress, without the overdrive, without caffeine without the intensity of the demands that work places on us.
I can relate to what you write. It asks from us, men and women, first a deep commitment to truly self care on a daily basis, build a foundation and from there we can relate to the pressures, stay connected to ourselves and not get absorbed in work, drive, stressful situations. As you write, this requires a high level of self care and self love to start with, but we have to start somewhere. So yes, this is the way, a way as a reflection to others and as more will take care of themselves, the more things within work will change, at least for the people within in. It is all a matter of choice. I realize it is all these daily choices that add up to that level of care.
The simplicity and beauty of what a reflection offers people is truly lovely and so simple.
Victoria, I was an era behind you when there were even less women in high-profile jobs. I did not think anything about a career as I always assumed that my job was just a fill in until I married and had children, as was expected in my day. When in my 30s I was still single, I started to think that maybe I would be supporting myself for the rest of my life but still I did not consider any career move, the promotions just happened. Although I became aware that I was taking on the ‘male role’ to fit in, or as you say, ’adapting to the work culture by behaving . . more like traditional men”, at the time I did not realise how hard I was becoming in the process. It took a life-threatening illness in my 50s to make me stop and slowly realise how deeply I had buried the ‘true me’ under a lifetime of false ideals and beliefs!
From experience, I cannot but agree whole-heatedly that “the gender gap at the top will never be resolved if we continue to try to force women to adapt to the work culture by behaving, well, more like traditional men”.
I have recently come to experience what my full career potential is and how it has always been there. I have also been able to see the exact choices I have made away from this potential, almost as a deliberate form of self sabotage in a way to not take responsibility for my place in society, and chose instead to focus only on my place in the home. This has made me feel very sad, not because of the loss of any personal accolade, but because of all the time I have waisted in just not being all of me, which I have come to realise now includes working out there in life as well as raising children and keeping a home. So, what happens if we give each place, all our many positions in life, one hundred percent? I used to be unwilling to do that because I did not want to compromise on the quality of care I gave my children, but now I can see that it is very possible and actually a much healthier and more fulfilling way to live, not only for myself but for my family as well.
The women I know who have had these high-powered jobs, have had to compromise themselves and pretty much give themselves over to the work, which eventually takes its toll on the body and they wonder if it is really worth it. I wonder if it is possible for a woman to work in these positions and turn it completely on it’s head…letting go of her identification to the role and any recognition she seeks and simply bring her steadiness and consistency instead? Can’t help but feel the cascade of affects this would have on the entire company or organisation if the lead is a woman who is honouring herself whilst also in full commitment to her work.
Great comment Sara. There are many questions to be asked on this topic in order to truly open it up and generate change.
My goodness this seems like a tall task but something I am open to. For years I have shied away,even cowered away from any supervisory role let alone a senior management role. What you share here Sara re a woman honouring herself while still in full commitment to work I’m still working out in my present role. One thing I have experienced is that if I lose my sense of self and focus on the job, the boxes I need to tick and what I am doing, my body starts to feel very tight, so there is an impact on our bodies when we are not looking after ourselves at the same time. It would be great to have women in senior management roles, that live this way.
Yes it’s true Sara. What you say suggests that there is another way to be as a woman in the workplace. It’s good to continue to explore alternatives for ourselve As you say a woman honouring herself, being steadfast and consistent and meeting work challenges and demands would be a powerufl combination.. I know from personal experience this can be a delicate balance to tread. But great we’re exploring the possibilities.
I like this concept, of women going into high-powered positions and completely changing the way the company is. I feel that essentially we need the corporate world to embrace femaleness, which of course is equally within men as it is women. So in theory, men could bring about these changes too. If the corporate world were to become more balanced energetically, it would then naturally attract, and be attractive to, women. I think the key here, is to encourage men to actually find their femaleness within and as a result, change the company structure and ethos, thus opening the doors to women (and those men who are naturally somewhat gentler). In this way women don’t have to sacrifice themselves to pave the way. Of course, this raises the question ‘how do we get high-powered men to embrace this’? Maybe those women in middle-management are in a position to influence things here, perhaps by living this philosophy to the best of their ability and expressing fully in every interaction with the top.
Thankyou for posing this question Victoria. Personally I have always preferred middle management for its active work roles with everyone, both up and down the chain – I love the equality of that. But is it our sense of self worth or our sense of self preservation that keeps us out of the top role jobs? Or is it, as Elizabeth says, the way we are with ourselves that makes the difference between stress or no stress in the top role? Could it be that the way we are working – hardening ourselves, identifying with roles, being competitive,etc – is in fact the issue, is in fact the reason we are holding back from taking top roles? Can we change that and watch the affect that would have on our workplace environment ?
These are great questions Deborah. I work in a smallish dental practice, not the intensity of corporate, but I am asking myself the same questions, exploring why I do not step up into a more active role in the management of issues as they arise in the practice.
It would be great to hear from women who have held CEO or similar positions, still remained true to themselves, and influenced changes in organisational culture.
I feel that a woman who chooses to honour herself as a woman has a lot of power in any role she chooses to do. She doesn’t have to be in the top job so to speak to be successful.
Well said Joshua, and I agree. A woman or man in their true essence will have an impact on all those around them in any role, from large corporation to small family.
Very good point Josh, whatever she does and wherever she chooses to be.
I would love a high profile job, but it would not be without making it about the equal, full and supportive relationships with whom I work with and a foundation of people coming first.
Victoria reflecting on the workplace I can see that there is so much wrong with how organisations are structured and people work. It seems crazy therefore that Women are being asked to be like men to succeed when if allowed to setup a workplace in a way that was true for them would remind us all what is truly missing. I could certainly see a successful company as where a true care for all is brought in rather than the stress of the modern day executive.
Up until very recently I have avoided being in high profile roles. I did not want the stress that I saw came with those roles. That has changed for me and it is because I no longer feel that I have to sacrifice myself to do those roles.
Perhaps Elizabeth you have simply recognised that no role is more important than you are…which is in fact a huge thing to recognise in a world that places the job before the person.
This is very true Rachel. I have indeed come to see that no role is more important than I am. It is very freeing and makes me 100% more effective in my life and work because I am not there trying to prove myself.
This is such a crucial observation Elizabeth, and very ironic. Make it about the role and you get a damaged person who makes everything about holding that role. When we make it about taking care of the person (ourselves) the result is utterly different – we are far more committed, effective and do what is truly needed, not whatever will keep us in the role.
When we recognise ourselves, we do not need someone else to deliver it to us through our work.
It is a great reminder to read your comments Elizabeth and Rachel. Bringing attention back to recognising that no role is more important than we are – I find that this is key, not playing second best to the job, otherwise I can not bring my all to the work, things don’t evolve and I end up feeling trapped by it all.
” I love what you are both expressing here in this thread, Rachel and Elizabeth. Elizabeth this is huge ” I am not there trying to prove myself” I can feel ( which I didn’t realise) how much I run with this in life, not just work and I am sure many others too – it leaves me feeling exhausted and drained as I am not being myself but ‘trying’ to be someone or do something I “think’ I should be. Instead of just being me and accepting who I am.
Thank you Elizabeth and Rachel, your comments remind me not to try to do the role but stay with the care of myself and take this to my work.
I have never really pondered this before, and it’s really got me thinking. My first thought is to avoid any position of great power, because until now that has looked like a world of pain that involved dealing with a lot of bullying and therefore needing to be hard and cut throat in order to survive. But as Elizabeth says in her comment above…not spending energy on trying to prove yourself and believing or rather, knowing that you are enough really allows the space for any one of us to just be ourselves. The proving to be something is what has all the other stuff get in the way. There is nothing to prove.
Just understanding women and allowing them to be themselves is really what is needed at the ‘top’. Not enough care is shown in that regard.
High powered roles are portrayed like an apex of achievement, but I don’t think they are, nor do I feel women buy into this. Women are also sensitive to the needs of others and the effects their choices have, they don’t tend to think in a singular manner. Achieving one goal, like being a CEO at the expense of another part of their life, particularly family and social life, is not very inviting. I suspect if the environments around these roles changed and were in fact constructed by women there would be more women in these jobs, however I just don’t think we buy into the hoopla and chase after them.
I love this blog Victoria as it highlights how much you care about women, all women. You don’t write from a view point of we have to do this or that with an agenda to push, but simply connect to what’s really going on in the world and the knowing from the woman inside you. I know I for one, and I am not married nor have children, would not want a high powered job so to speak, not because I am not capable, that I am, but in the way businesses are run. If I were then they would see a very different side to how a woman in business can be, present, still, tender, powerful and nurturing.
There are a lot of women running their own micro-enterprises. The trick is, I feel, to expand that out so others can join them and be inspired by what the originator brings.
Women don’t have to have high flying roles to change things. We can start with the basics, change the foundation of how we live our lives, raise our children, interact with society, stand up for true values of love and honesty, refuse to be taken in by other’s images of what a woman should be.
So true Catherine, well said!
I totally agree, and men too.
Yes so true, great expresssion Catherine, and pertinent for women in all walks of life, (and men obviously too).
What you say is true Catherine. Also, every role just as every person should be valued, not just those at the top.
Great comments on this mini-thread – a real expansion of the original. What you have all said is true.
YES, YES AND YES Catherine!
hear hear, that’s it – great expression Catherine.
This makes perfect sense to me Victoria, great blog, thank you.
I have never taken on a high powered role, I have however taken on roles that hold responsibility in my community. In these roles I have experienced jealously and criticism and at times have felt quite abused by people. After having these experiences, for many years I opted to pull away from my community, I simply felt too hurt and vulnerable. What I have become to realise is that at the time of these experiences I was totally unable to fully support myself, so the slightest inference from another cut me deeply. Over the past year I have stepped back into my community, taking on responsibilities and I have noticed that now as I do this with a feeling of love and support for myself that I am enjoying the connection with my community and this has certainly enriched my life.
It’s interesting that women’s health is deteriorating faster than ever, and increasing. I wonder if this so called women’s equal rights is actually harming women. Women can be strong and powerful by just being themselves. We certainly don’t need to be in the fighting ring, just because we can.
I love the question you have asked here Victoria.
I have had management roles in the past where I pushed myself and other team members to get work done in shorter time than it could be done in. It involved late nights and early mornings and was quite stressful. That way was definitely not loving or caring for me or others. Then I didn’t know any other way or to say NO to something that was not possible. You just pushed and put in extra hours at the cost of family time and your well-being or whatever it took to get the job done.
Then on, I’ve probably chosen to take on such roles that are demanding. Now I do find that others in high profile roles tend to be super busy, tired, stressed and don’t seem to have time to stop and be. It is having a toll on their well-being.
I know that now the way I work is completely different to the the driven and pushing way in which I used to work in the past.
It really doesn’t have to be this hard or stressful, we can work in high profile roles- be it man or woman and still work regular hours and in a super loving and caring way supporting us and others in our team.
By going to Universal Medicine presentations by Serge Benhayon and making a choice to shift to make supportive changes in my life, I am discovering a more loving and caring way of working and living my life. Also, I have seen some amazing women around me who are showing a different way of being in high profile roles in the Esoteric Women’s Health like Natalie Benhayon doing it in a such loving and super caring manner for herself and still having time to to connect with people she comes in contact with. This is something quite rare out there in the workplace and is a way that is possible.
“I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.” I can feel the truth in this quote and it has got me pondering how woman feel this and choose to contract and not step out into more high profile roles. It is reminiscent of how I have approached much of life, not feeling that it is supportive or true, and so hiding, waiting for it to change rather than me learning to step out in my own way. Thank you for sharing.
A very interesting article Victoria and not one that I know or have experienced but what you say comes with that top job seems to be too great sacrifice for most women to make. Good luck with your research.
I tend to agree Victoria that women can sense that the ‘top’ job comes with an expectation of giving something very precious up to hold that top position and are just not willing to compromise themselves. There are men that feel this way also as these jobs come with demands that don’t feel right.
A very interesting topic and discussion , bringing equality and self love to the board room and corporate structure will probably take some time . As at the expense to the bodies of women who try to match or compete with that male drive and competitiveness will only end in hardness and tears so to speak. The true woman is definitely needed to help create harmony, balance and understanding, in all our business and government structures. Thanks for opening this coverstation Victoria Lister
Hi Victoria,
I have had the opportunity to apply for a team leader role within my organisation and have directly and clearly stated that I do not want it.
The higher demands are something that for me, for where I’m at within my own development and evolution, are crippling.
As you say, it’s like you have to go into something to be able to get those jobs done that require a lot from you and hence take a lot more ‘out of you’ …. but ….. the more I deepen and develop and emanate qualities within me I feel it is possible to step up and become a leader but in a true way as opposed to being forced to respond out of reaction, being out of control, being under the pump …
I am working at the base line ground level so the next step up is a medium one.
I can not imagine what it would be to take on a super super high end job role for where I am at where the demands and pressures are increasingly intense.
I have a feeling within me that women have the ability to truly take the lead but not at the expense of themselves.
With huge demands being expected of women and men in these roles the level of self care and nurturing needs to be increasingly great. If we truly allow ourselves to deepen, rest and take on that deep care for ourselves would we not be able to bring true strength back into all industries?
You write a very decent Article here
With love,
Natasha
It is an interesting subject, Victoria. Yesterday I was doing a course about writing cover letters and personal statements and our tutor talked about statistics – that generally women are over educated for their roles and the majority are going for less money than men because women lack confidence (?).It sounded strange. But you are right, Victoria. It is not about pay or position itself. The whole issue is about the quality of people on the top, what it takes to get there. At the present time it feels like as the higher person a needs to go the harder they need to be. It is compromising our nature. Women are getting stronger in their stillness and one day we will have a society where we can work, do what needs to be done without power struggle, while caring about people more than about money.
To be frank, Victoria you are absolutely spot on – if I think of my (brief) roles in mid level corporate structures, they were overwhelming times trying to balance the fact that I felt the truth of how people are ignored and forsaken for profit and prestige and the reality that I had a job to do. This ethos always flowed through the organisation from the top down – never inspiring me to climb closer to the source, by effectively selling out completely to what I felt to be true of who I am.
Great point Greg, what we see everyday is as you work your way “up the ladder” (not sure where to) the work-life balance gets completely out of control. There are many times that I’ve seen people running around in such chaos – busy 6/7 days a week yet not truly achieving anything – certainly something I’ve fallen into. It’s lovely to approach things differently – there are still many things that need doing but just in a different way.
True equality – not numerical sameness is not won by women becoming like men. Nor perhaps, is power what we currently perceive. A woman truly in her full natural power would lead in a way that supported her body and lead by inspiration and quality of being. A woman perhaps like Natalie Benhayon – director of Esoteric Women’s Health – (a global company focusing on wellbeing for women) who leads by just such inspiration – walking the talk with vitality and profound self care – and such a lived connection with her lovliness that there could be nothing to prove in the world outside – just a steady love to be lived and shared. Women directors like this would turn the tide. This is a way I would gladly aspire to.
I was particularly struck by the line that women choose more for life-affirming career paths. This is exactly what we/women innately have within us, bringing life. So in a sense we have an extra sense for what affirms life and what doesn’t. I have been and still am close to people, men and women in the top of the corporate world to see that it is far from life affirming. Hardness, competition and a constant drive and busyness are behaviours I see, and women either adapt or drop out. Is that appealing for women to even seriously consider for their (working) lives? So thanks Victoria for giving this discussion Women at the Top a new understanding and deeper level of perceiving what’s truly going on.
Great article and questions, thank you for bringing the importance of what women and men really want as a way to be and live in their lives. The sacrifice in ones body to be at the top is often overlooked in the pushing and numbing that has to go on to be there, often at the destruction of their life and their families lives. Ultimately I feel women have a innate knowing and honuring of themselves and as we learn more and more to hold on to and acknowledge this it will allow a change in the way these top positions or any working enviroment will be. We can lead the way and show men their is a more loving and honouring way also for themselves to live and still hold top positions and important work roles in the world. This will also allow gentler, more loving working enviroments and way of living for everyone.
I have often wondered who would want such a life, when I look at the way of living that those high powered jobs entail. So many of those women feel so hard and I have met some and the armour is palpable. I would not like to live in that. Men also give up a lot at these levels and not all men want to live that way either. Many live in constant competition where harmony is not possible.
Victoria, I know you asked us to comment on this topical and pertinent issue for women, but what I was most struck by when reading your article is the way you write.
This article is written with the clarity and sophistication of an accomplished corporate business woman, but without any hardness, agenda pushing or male-energy.
It is actually embracing. You’ve held the reader in care and tenderness, whilst also conveying a huge insight and respect for their intelligence and ability to relate to this issue.
Gorgeous – your words are a true illustration of the question you pose and the point you make in this article.
That is such a wonderful observation Kate. Victoria is a skilled writer with the very clear authority that comes with experience in business. Her writing is also warm and engaging, no talking ‘at’ you.
This is so unique and to be greatly appreciated and inspired by.
I am a childcare educator and I do not feel to ever run a centre of my own or to be a director as this seems too big a demand and no time for the fun part of the job – playing with and teaching the children. Even if you get paid more I would rather enjoy what I’m doing and get paid less
Hello Victoria, an interesting subject you discuss and a great blog to start the ball rolling. Why do we also automatically assume these ‘high profile positions’ are ‘it’ or are the way to go. Is it possible women are more in touch with an innate feeling of what is right for themselves and then for us all. I think they are and this is why we don’t see women in these positions. In a world where we think competition is an answer or a healthy thing which clearly it is not, we sit and say women should or need to be able to compete with men on their level, I say no.
I say we turn the tables as the world is currently upside down. Women are in high profile roles everywhere, but it is just we need to redefine the ‘high profile’ part and what it looks like. It’s not the head of a company or head of a country as we would assume. It is the head of the relationship, the family, the home. This is not to make light or denigrate women. It is to say this role is the most important we just don’t see it that way. It is the foundation, the place we need to come from and the start point. We lead from this foundation and so without it nothing else makes sense and hence when this foundation isn’t looked or acknowledged for it’s true worth after a while we tend to ‘get out of control’. Women need to honour where they feel to be and what they feel to do and men need to support this and all this coming from a man. Not a soft or weak man but a strong and tender man that knows the true power women hold and also knows without truly honouring women in their roles, the company, the profit, the whatever doesn’t really matter because in my opinion we are lost. So women are in high profile roles everywhere it is just ‘we’ don’t truly see it the way.
Stunning Ray, gorgeous! You have moved this conversation to a deeper level.
What are we calling “higher”? What value system do we have in place that decrees this job is “worth” more than that job?
As an example in my profession, the dentist will not accomplish anything with out an assistant. Simple. So who has the “higher profile”? The one obviously doing the dentistry? Or the one behind the scenes that keeps it all running smoothly?
This is not about getting into a competition, but acknowledging the equalness between us, and the fact the we are all needed equally to do what is needed in this world.
Huge thank you Victoria and Ray.
Top points Ray – I love that you re-define what we perceive the high profile roles are – that simply blows apart the whole hierarchical executive job world. It seems that as men we create such lofty castles in order to seemingly protect a position – could it be that we are actually protecting ourselves from rejection and therefore have created a world of competition and cut throat politics to distract us from this. Unwittingly we leave out one half of the equation – the women who bring steadiness, power and grace – and are much needed in all roles so that we can all work together to get the same result, each and every one of us in harmony.
I love this Victoria. It is so true that women have been labelled as weak or ‘can’t do it’ (both by themselves and men) if they choose not to ‘step up’ and take on certain roles.
What is so magic, and what I have been feeling more of lately is that there is such a strength in a woman knowing exactly what feels right for her, and not holding back from expressing that. This is a great example of that – thank you!
What a great discussion Victoria. I don’t know anyone in high powered exec positions but I can certainly comment on women even taking on a more senior role within an organisation. We can often, as you have said, see what our colleagues go through when they do take a senior role; the responsibility, the added stress, an apparent decrease in the enjoyment we have in our work, even in an industry where the number of women predominate. It’s like we see that women who step up have to leave themselves behind to fit into the role they are taking. I have colleagues who say – ‘there is no way that I want that’. It’s like it’s a given that that’s what automatically happens to everyone.
In a way the top positions in work or politics, show just the top of the iceberg in regards to the male, competitive hunter culture in the world. We as women have accepted for a long time that we live in a man’s world – now some of us are making the needed change already by rediscovering how to live and express the true woman in us. Some are probably in high positions,already bringing self-care and gentleness into the workplace. But we can all contribute to the change, though it might take a while to reach politics.
Fantastic discussion to have Victoria. In these high powered positions women are asked to do and be just like men – to prove that they are equal to men. Women are very different to men in many ways and have a whole new way to bring to any job. Why is it that women are not encouraged to do a job their way? Why must it be there is only one way to run a corporation and that that way is already laid out by men? If we allowed any person to bring their way (man or woman) would we not then get the best this person has to offer, the whole of them? Would that then not create true success for any company or business?
Good point Jane. We all hold equal responsibility in an organisation whatever our job role. I love how you say that each person can be appreciated for the uniqueness of what they can bring. If we honoured work colleagues in this way the productivity of a company would increase ten fold.
This is an important point Jane. Why is it that we hold some roles as more important or more valuable than others? Do not all roles or positions contribute to the running of the company? Then that would suggest that they are all needed and therefore equally valuable and that all that is needed for each of these roles is to bring all of us to each one. Now that sounds like true success to me.
Yes, I think this is part of the problem Victoria, that we have not asked women what they really want…. but how are we to ordinarily know what it is that we really want when the world is telling us, like your Sandberg example to go-get, go make it happen and beat the men at their own game? I know that having done that, it was not actually what I wanted! It did not feel good. But it wasn’t until I tried it that I knew that wasn’t the way for me.
Is it truly necessary for women to say ‘no’ to these high profile roles? Perhaps what we need to say no to is selling out on ourselves in the process.
A great question Victoria- ‘What do women really want?’ This question brings up for me, what is true for women, what honours them and what holds them back from living this, why have we fallen for keeping up with the traditional corporate man at the expense of their health, their tenderness, their quality etc?
‘What do women really want?’ Well it’s not what that Mel Gibson movie by the same title portrayed. What we all need is women in their full power, not in the beating men at their own game sense but by showing all that there is a higher way to live – beyond survival of the fittest and battle of the sexes – that holds all precious, equal and respectful of a greater natural universal order. All women carry this knowing within them.
Victoria, a fascinating topic that you have raised and one I have pondered on from a personal perspective for many years. I have worked as a hands on carer for 20 years and in that time consciously chosen to not go for management roles. The reason being is that I see how most of my managers have lived and do not want to experience their exhaustion, preoccupation with work, ailments, staff conflict and constant demands of work load. I relish the fact that when I leave work I do not think about it and that my focus is very simply being with the people that I support. Interestingly I have wondered from time to time if I have chosen to stay where I am due to low self esteem. Since doing the work with Universal Medicine I do ponder on whether I could do the managerial job in a different way. And I think that is the key, we as women need to do managerial jobs from our natural way of being because when we do them in traditional male energy we suppress all of our natural qualities and it’s those qualities that have the potential to transform the work place.
I loved this article Victoria. It brings some reality to the ideals that we are supposed to aspire to and takes a closer look at what is going on for women at the ground level.
Agree
I love what you present, as is it women who are choosing not to be in these roles or is it the fact that what is expected within these roles does not truly support you to live in a healthy and loving way. Lots to ponder on.
I too have witnessed women struggle to stay above water in the high pressured jobs because they were trying to keep up to the role of the man she replaced or was working with. It can be a hardened role to follow for anyone if we leave the most important part of who we are out -that being our connection to self.
I have witnessed women not doing so well health wise when they are in these high-pressured roles but I have also witnessed women, with a self-commitment, have been able to be in these roles and many other projects, community events and live a very solid rhythm that supports them in their day to day life. Tanya Curtis is a great example of this.
The competitive dog eat dog world at the top of the corporate ladder is not what most women seek. We naturally want to collaborate and nurture each other’s potential and until there is space for this equality in the boardroom women will continue to lean back rather than lean in. However, we as women must not shy away from the power we can bring simply by allowing our inner strength to shine.
My most recent encounter in working as an office manager for a woman in a top corporate position was that this woman, although impeccably dressed each and every day, was exhausted, her diet in the office at least consisted of coffee and chocolate and she would skip meals daily, highly emotional, had had two nervous breakdowns and was therefore on lifetime antidepressants, drank wine every night, had frequent distressing arguments with her husband that meant they did not talk to each other for days. For me the drive for women in these roles to be a better “man” than the men would see me not accept a top job if offered one.
Great article Victoria and much needed insight into an inequality of gender in the high powered business world. Some of my clients male and female are in this high powered world and a lot of the time I communicate through their designer, decorator, secretary or partner. With the short meetings I have had with theses amazing people over the years their enjoyment and enthusiasm gets taken over by a driven way and become less in touch with people in a real way and their world is one fed by the experts around them who have their own agendas. This lack of connection is an emptiness that takes its toll on both men and women. Juanita Phillip’s comments feel very real ,it would very daunting for a woman to feel all that as the way it works for most.
Hi Victoria. Great for you to introduce this third and perhaps most significant reason why women may not be commonly placed in very high positions in the business world. I would also surmise, who would want it – man or woman? Perhaps it comes down to the fact that men can block out many factors and focus on one -getting to the top -despite their state of health, their enjoyment of life and their sense of justice and treating others fairly. I say ‘men’, but do not mean a true man, who can hold just as much integrity as a woman. It is the role of being a man as hunter, aggressor that takes over. Therefore it would take an exceptionally ‘unwomanly’ woman to thrive on this environment, not because they do no have what it takes, but because they have a more grounded connection to their sense of tenderness, nurturing and inclusiveness. Perhaps this business culture will only change when men begin to claim back what it is to be a true man and place quality of life before status and control.
Being like this a long time ago, working my way up the ladder, so to speak, managing a branch in education and training, then travelling overseas, overseeing various branches, whilst increasing sales for the company, took its toll on me. Both physical and emotional health was sacrificed to get the job done. The owner of the company used to play management against staff in a destructive way. Eventually, after several years, I left, as I could not keep doing this to myself and live this way, even though I loved the connection with the people I met and the openness with which I was received. Those around me thought I had it so good, living the high life and travelling everywhere, but in reality, it was destroying me. Deep down, I could feel this was not the way to live and looked for another way to have work satisfaction and balance in myself. So yes, this is a great topic for women to express what they feel around this issue.
I have never a met a woman who is absolutely able to sustain her inner equilibrium and gentleness in a high flying corporate role. They always appear stressed out, in a rush, in their heads, talk a million miles and hour, are often aggressive and short tempered and all without exception complain about their work life taxing their home life and relationships. I could never understand why women choose this lifestyle? Or men for that matter when everything in our heart yearns for the opposite. Self care in the work place is a great idea, but the quality of the self-care needs to be deeply considered if it is to be effective at supporting women (and men) in business. It needs to support them to be able to maintain their inner equilibrium, connection and gentleness.
It’s a really interesting blog and topic at hand. I can share that having lived in Melbourne, in a relationship with a young woman who through sheer determination became a director of a large insurance company, I observed her health deteriorate because of this. From pushing her body and having to match the energy of the other, all male members, she walked away with Lupas and stress/ anxiety disorders (over a 10 year period). Also, having close female family friend’s in high powered white collar positions, I feel they also sacrificed much in the way of their essence to sustain such a career. Perhaps men are more willing to harden than most women in this area?
Really gives you another point of view on the issue of women in high profiled roles.
Yes, Victoria, all the women I know with high positions have a tendency to take on male behavior. And it’s also true: women have to prove themselves more before they get taken seriously. It is still so that men earn more than women in the same position. So there is a lot of questioning and pondering to be done how we as woman play a part in this male driven society.
And as you say Carolien, to show how important self care is in business, would be a great first step.
I used to work as a manager in the hotel business and basically worked and acted as a man. I was hard and fast, not taking care of myself, putting work before anything and very mentally driven. I was once called a ‘tart with power’ (this was supposedly a compliment 🙂 ) and I believed I had to be like this in order to ‘survive’ in a more male dominated environment. What I now realise is that it was me that was taking on the belief that this was necessary, I never once tried to be me, the delicate, sensitive but powerful woman that I am and put this to the test. Is it possible that we are all collectively sustaining this culture as we have all subscribed to it. What would happen if we as women wold introduce ourselves to this culture as we are and while we are at it show how important self care is to be truly successful in business?
Great question Carolien. This is what it is going to take to make any true change. Women’s bodies are already calling for the change on every level.
It is kinda crazy where we are at in the world and to take time to look after yourself and care for yourself is consider pathetic or weak.. When I started to drop those opinions of myself which I had taken on as a way I needed to survive as a woman then and only then could I start to feel my delicate, tenderness which now I present to everyone at work in an extremely busy cafe. Years ago doing the same thing I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. But after treating myself like this then I could start to introduce it at work and I highly recommend it and it is soooo possible.
Great point Carolien! Change the culture by bringing ourselves in our fullness to it, without compromise … take away our own glass ceiling in this regard.
Thats an awesome start of a very interesting research, thank you Victoria Lister!
What I can add to it is, as a daughter of a Head of Human Resource Management my teenage-job-dream was always to be one too, because I felt a giant chance in it. That if I could make it staying with my female qualities, this would make a huge difference. My start was awesome. I got a very rare place for a dual study program for leadership in a big global automobile concern. Although I terribly failed in almost all my knowledge-exams during the assessment-center they wanted me because of my skills in team building and keeping everybody lovingly on track. The first three months of studying was a complete disaster, I was bored and completely resistant to all the topics being taught. I realized that I wanted to prove something, not a good point to rely on. The other reason was something that you described in your article: I had the strong belief, that what I bring is not wanted, I have to be hard to make it. …so I gave my best to be hard, after nine months I quit… Looking back from my actual point of view, I know I would have been able to make it – but only without the need of proving something or the belief of being hard to exist in the world.
Nothing to do with this blog exactly, but what hit me right now reading it, is, that this and all the other blogs from and about Universal Medicine are a huge library of LIFE IN TRUTH in every color. …from A, over to H(ealth) and W(omen) to Z. Wohaaaah!So simple and mind-blowing, ‚just‘ out of living life.
What a great conversation Victoria, awesome questions that you are posing. When I was much younger I worked in a high stressed corporate role in marketing for a large magazine company. I was in my late 20’s and after five years really felt the stress of the job and knew that if I continued down this path, it would only become more and more stressful in which I wasn’t willing to go down that track. I opted out at a young age for another career, which may not of been as financially rewarding, but deeply fulfilling.
I love that the question has been posed to us thank you Victoria. I myself have never really felt to strive for a high flying career, as it would rob me of living a truly harmonious and supportive life. It seems to me that women in these high profile positions sacrifice so much of their true nature to be able to keep up with the hardness projected forth. Its all about power and pushing yourself beyond your means to get there. That doesn’t sound like a truly loving life to me.
Though it’s funny Kelly – I’ve never had what I would deem a high profile role either, yet I’ve managed to push myself beyond my natural means on many, many occasions and still struggle with this old pattern today. What I do know is if I did attempt a high profile role, I’d collapse in a heap if I went into it in that old driven, must-do, can-do energy. So is it more that we need to live and work in a gentler way and make that the new workplace normal?
I really enjoyed the way this blog opened up the potential for a conversation about what’s really going on for women and men in the workplace at the executive level. It appears to be well known that high level business and politics is ‘cut throat’ and soulless. I wouldn’t want either men or women to have to subject themselves to this. Perhaps rather than focussing on enforcing equality as they have in Norway (where men will resent the positive discrimination towards women and further fuel the disharmony) the focus needs to be bringing change in these arenas. Then whoever feels to be of service in these fields can equally enter without having to harden up and play the game.
Awesome, I love what you say here Fiona! ‘…whoever feels to be of service in these fields can equally enter without having to harden up and play the game.’
awesome blog basically saying to stop looking at what’s wrong with women and their choices but to start looking at what is wrong with the culture and lifestyle that seems to be a requirement to get to the top!
That’s the thing, isn’t it? There is absolutely nothing wrong with us, and much to address in the workplace. So the answer is not more female directors and CEOs but more CEOs and directors of both genders taking stock and saying NO to ‘the way things are done around here’.
Thank you Victoria for initiating such a needed discussion – love that you’ve brought an angle not considered in general discussion on the topic. One further point for discussion: Why is it that high-powered roles are so demanding? Why is it accepted that a successful career will take its toll on your health and your relationships? Surely there is another way…
That’s so interesting Hannah. Why is it that way – why on earth should success come at the cost of our health and why would that be expected? Does success have to be ‘earned’ the hard way to have validity? We definitely need to address this expectation.
It would seem that everyone just meekly takes on an energy that pushes them to do just what everyone else is doing, driving themselves into exhaustion. In a way it is much easier to go with the status quo, and give in to external demands rather than stand strong and refuse to be a part of it whilst, at the same time contributing your all but from a place of self-regard and in a way that is self-loving. Fortunately we now have a few role models around who are able to “be successful” but still be with themselves and their innate stillness.
Wow Hannah…. You’ve broadened the conversation beautifully. The question you ask relate to men and women and are much in need of deeper reflection
It shouldn’t be accepted Hannah, it’s a terrible situation. We’re like robots taking orders to do self-harming things. We are so much more than this.
I work as a registered nurse and to be a leader in nursing seems to require that you work to the point of exhaustion, ignore your body so much that you damage it, have little or no lifestyle balance and then retire early because you are worn out. There is indeed something seriously wrong with this culture and the question is as you have asked Hannah, why do we accept this? It is time for a new way and time to say no to what is not working.
That is such an interesting angle you are presenting here! And you are right, feeling people in high profile careers always feel very devastated, lonely inside and absolutely on the edge of life.
A part of me is definitely saying no to this.
Even when I was a dancer, they told me to go to L.A. and I never went- why? Going there and training much harder with many more dancers like me ( with the same or better skills ) always was a turnoff for me. Why should I outspend myself only to dance then maybe for more known artists, when I work a lot in my country and I am one of the most wanted.
I haven’t had what you would define as a high profile position. I have worked with women in top positions and my observations are that they are already onto the next task before even completing the one prior, they are very good at multi tasking. They seemed stressed, worked long hours, look tired and constantly rushing. I wouldn’t say no to a top position or a high profile role but it would only be taken on if I could maintain the loveliness that I know myself to be. One day the tenderness in which women work and the loveliness of what we truly bring will be appreciated more in the workplace.
Yes Sally I agree, the true way a woman can lead an organisation is not very well known in the world just yet. I am aware that esoteric women’s health is being led by a woman who is totally in her tenderness and deeply inspires people around her. Our ideas of what leadership really is are about to evolve to a whole new level, if this is where we are headed, then take me there.
Great point Felicity, that the way a woman can lead is not yet well known. As I read Victoria’s blog it was easy to feel the way things have been up until now – a woman in a top position has had to act like a man and all the ones I’ve observed have been quite hard and driven. Natalie Benhayon is changing the way I see a woman in a leadership role.
I also have seen the pressure and stress that some women in senior roles have taken on, and often in the need to prove themselves capable or equal to the task.
I have seen women in high powered jobs destroy their natural beauty by going toe to toe with men in business and beating men at their own game. My comment may seem misogynist at first but it’s not – there is a strength in women that is yet to been seen in business, a strength that has nothing to do with the competition and domination that most men have used for top spot.
I love the way you put that Sally, I got inspired and an image/feeling popped into my mind of how that would be when the loveliness of women is appreciated in the workplace. How lovely the workplace would become… and so many more would enjoy their work.
Much to ponder upon- What I am observing in midwifery, in the private sector where I work, the women in top positions are all very driven, hardened, exhausted, and either overweight or thin.
They appear to have “so much on the go” – that they override their body telling them how to selfcare- even going to the toilet when needed.
Hi Victoria, thanks for the invite! As much as I’d like to see women in the ‘top’ jobs, I feel most are still becoming driven, hard and man-like to get there. There is still an attitude of ‘I can do anything’ and have everything and all I see is exhaustion in their bodies and a real yearning in the women to just be herself. As a young teacher, I was only in my second year when I was offered the subject co-ordination role, and although surprised I accepted and felt it really suited me and I very much enjoyed the extra responsibilities that came with it. But to go through the process of becoming a Head of Department, I was not at that point ready for as this role seemed to me demand a certain level of compromise to tow the party line as well as do less of what I really loved….teaching. Now that I’m older, and indeed have put family above my career, I realise the situation hasn’t changed much and I’m not willing to sacrifice my well-being to climb a ladder which seems to place even more pressure on one to become a “team player”, not in the true sense, but in a competitive, keep-up, pushy culture that only pays lip service to values like equality and connective relationship. For me, it’s just not worth the compromise and honouring myself as a woman means way more.
Wow great blog Victoria, one I would like to see on Huffington post or in the australian mag as I feel you have touched on key missing area in why women don’t want to be “at the top”. I can personally relate as in my role in management I can feel to be at the top demands for women to play games and live far from who they naturally are. I am keen to read more from you around the topic of women in the workplace.
Your article and all the comments are wonderful to open up this discussion. I know for me being a leader or having a ‘high power’ job is totally something I am capable of doing, but that challenge would be to in respect and relationship of me as a woman, that would bring true power to the work…I know that without this relationship with self I would so easily slip into the hardness, drive and imbalance that seems common place in these roles.
This is very thought provoking writing Victoria. I have been in a high powered role in healthcare but only stayed for 4 years. I feel I left because I was unable to express my true self but was not consciously aware of this at the time.- I just knew it was time for me to leave. If I was as connected to my true self then instead of burying it I could have made a real difference by offering a different reflection to the people I worked for and with. I am currently in a senior role in healthcare but not managing a big organisation and I can feel the impact of being me on the people in my team and even in my expression to more senior people in the organisation. We can only change what is happening for women by reflecting something different (who we truly are) at all levels within an organisation.
Great article Victoria lots to ponder on there. I don’t have a high profile Role in my line of work and have no desire to. There are very few men in any positions right up to the minister, so maybe that makes it different for me. I have no issues with saying what I feel is there to be said, with no attachment to an outcome. I feel I can say to whoever it needs to be said, be that management, RD whoever. I have a good working relationship with then both the few males working there and the females. I don’t see competition between sexes and don’t feel women in the human services field say no to high profile jobs. In saying that a lot of the women from the top right to the bottom have hardened regardless of position.
I have worked in the retail sector which has an alarmingly low number of women in management roles. Junkets involving strip clubs are still common place and heavy drinking is an accepted part of the workplace and a slab of beer can get you just about anything. I have watched women in management roles take on such a masculine approach and appearance and get lost and sacrifice their relationship with husbands and children in order to be accepted and to perform. I was not accepted and ridiculed for many years but eventually consistency has won and providing year after year of exceptional customer service that customers return and come asking for, great product knowledge and a genuine love and interest of people – has shown the way and provided the results.
You are a unique man Ryan. Insightful, aware and frankly a blessing to those who have the opportunity to work for you.
I have never worked in a large corporate environment, always in small business, and so that culture is an anathema to me. I have however felt strong pressure in my current workplace to compromise myself and what I know is true to make greater profits. This has happened at a time in my life when I know who I am and I know what truly matters. I say “no” with steadfast grace and commitment to myself and truth.
I am not sure that I would have coped in such an environment when I was younger.
There is so much truth to what you have offered here Victoria. Men live for the competition with each other and the constant wanting to out do or out perform. This only leads a man who only cares about a win situation. I feel you are sharing that women have a far more sensible approach to such matters and are not so willing to participate in system that requires them to disregard who they truly are.
This is a great and insightful article Victoria, thank you. I can certainly concur. During my time working in a corporate environment there were a handful of women I was working with that were close to the ‘top’ (not right at the top), and even though they exhibited a certain form of success, I never wanted to join them. What I could always see was that these women had let a precious element of themselves go in the process of climbing so high, and in most instances they came across more like men than women. That saddened me — and certainly put me off the notion of striving for a high-flying executive role as I didn’t want to leave myself in that way and start behaving and being more like a man than a woman in return for the quads and reward that an executive role would bring.
ALL the women and men I know in those high positions, are hardened, empty. They seem not to be themselves anymore and imprisoned. To me they feel like robots. Nothing I would sell myself out for.
This is a strong statement to make Felix, but is representative of how many women do sell out and become like robots in order to take on these high profile positions.
Although if us women could be there honouring ourselves, caring and in full respect of our bodies and keeping our natural quality, and not reproducing the male pattern, what a wonderful shift and re-introduction it would be for all human beings.
I think you hit the nail on the head with this blog. Most women at the top have to get hard to get there and stay there. Finding balance with their personal life gets so impossible they give up and give themselves to the job, to the status, to the prestige. And to an idea of success that sacrifices not only true womenhood or tenderness, but sometimes even health, partnerships, or personal growth. So the decision to not go for those positions is definitely many times a choice for a fuller, more balanced life and not a sign of weakness.
Great to come back and read this blog again, it is very relevant to how many women operate in business. From my own experience I felt I had to change to fit in with this environment instead of just bringing myself to the work I was doing. It was this pressure I put on myself that was unsustainable and I ended up feeling burnt out.
You pose some great questions Victoria.
Do we need to have a change in culture in our boardrooms? Absolutely
Will this change come from governments making new laws about male to female ratios? I think not
The change has already begun. It comes from all of us simply being true to ourselves in everything we do.
When I think about a high powered role – and look at women in these positions – to me it seems like the only way to ‘cope’ is to be tough. Or develop a cold attitude. It’s rare that I see gentle women in such roles – because we feel that at this level – the benchmark is how a man operates. And therefore – we reflect that. It’s pretty grim considering we are natural nurturers and being this way in a high profile role could be an extremely loving way to be! But that nurturing is still confused with weakness and sensitivity.
To change who we are, as a man or a woman, is not the true way forward for us in business or really anywhere else for that matter. Though once upon a time I did conform to the ideal that I needed to change who I was to fit in to the corporate world I was working in to ‘get ahead’. None of it felt right but when I looked around everyone else was caught up in it too so I just figured that I was wrong. I know now that what I was feeling was spot on. There is no fulfilment in working in a job as someone else other than who you are deep inside. I now work as me in my home duties and my professional duties as much as I can. It is a work in progress but so far it feels really lovely to take Me to work rather than an impostor!
We need more women like Heather Pope in high-profile jobs who can be the role models showing that there is another way besides driven-ness and hardness that most of society believe is the only way women can be successful in these types of roles.
Thank you Victoria for raising this great point so clearly and simply. Women have an innate knowing inside them and the way Business is in the world and run at the highest levels is not something they can truly go along with and be part of as you say.It is definitely time to take a look at a deeper level as to what is going on,how business is run and why women really do not stay and sustain this. Men could learn a lot form the wisdom they would find and this could support a change that would support us all as humanity as a whole.
Great questions you ask here, wonderful. I have never had the situation to take on a high profile role/job/position but that has nothing to do with family for me, but more that I have never seen myself in that role, due to lack of self-worth and a fear of responsibility. I know and I can feel that I could have a high profile job, but answering that question now, I feel that most women in these positions are quite hard and work with a lot of stress. It feels like you have to work against some sort of force and that you have to be one of the men, so to speak. I feel it is very needed though that more women are in certain positions, the world needs that. We as women have a lot to offer but it needs a change in how we approach work, in which quality we do this and how we work together. I am going to ponder on this a bit more and will be back…
Thank you for this article. I assisted for years a man who was in a high-profile role and still is and from my experience even ‘only’ to assist this man was hard and overwhelming for me from time to time depending on how important the project was in which he was involved. At the beginning i struggled and after the years passed away and i got more and more in touch with Universal Medicine i could feel and say things which didn’t felt right and the more i got still the more he became relaxed. We could work together in a more unemotional way than before and i could even feel how relaxed it was for me to speak up what i feel. Today i work for a woman in a high-profile role and i can feel this hardness and male driven behavior of success as well but i don’t get engaged with this anymore because i have this place in me which i have developed with so much patience and stillness that is often full with trust and steadiness that i could allow myself to be in a high-profile job as well.
I love this blog Victoria. It really has got me pondering on what you have written. I feel there is much to explore here. As women we do need to find another way to be in those top positions. In my industry I notice that the women at the top are often very hard within themselves along with being worn out and permanently exhausted.
Awesome blog, I feel you raised some important questions here that are often overlooked. I feel too that a high role brings a lot of responsibility that of course women can handle, but the way the world is run at the moment you need to be brutal, tough and, as you’ve mentioned sacrifice family life (if you have partner or kids). The pressures that this can cause are not justified just because now you have good pay or a top position where you are running the place. This is all fine again as I too want to run my own business, you just need to consider which way you are willing to work and what sacrifices you are and not willing to make.
Thank you Victoria, this article is brilliant and opening up this conversation is very supportive. My personal choice is not to be in a high powered position, as truly what it takes does not feel supportive to the body, and as simple as that is. However, it has taken me a long time to realise that the choice to honor what does not feel true to the body, does not mean an inequality between men and women.
This is brilliant Victoria and I believe you’ve hit the nail on the head. Women choose not to take on these high powered roles because they sense what’s at stake.
While reading I couldn’t help but wonder – if women get a sense of what’s at stake, surely men must too – so what is it that drives them to seek out these roles and take them on? Is it possible that despite their knowing of what is at stake, the pressure society puts on men to be ‘top dog’, ‘the bread winner’, ‘successful’, etc. is so great that they need to override their own knowing and take these roles on anyways?
If this is true, then we could also say that society, in a way supports women to NOT take on high-powered roles. It is accepted that a woman opt out of these roles. I feel that the reason ‘family commitments’ is used as a reason for this is because it is a comfortable and acceptable explanation. Saying ‘no’ to (or not even trying for) high-powered roles because of the cost to one’s body and health is often branded ‘weak’ and therefore not as much an acceptable answer.
I’ve never worked in corporate environments, though could see myself as managing many people in the hospital system. As I just begin my career in midwifery I can see that I am very good at managing a lot of people. I wouldn’t hold back or shy away from a top position, though it would have to fit in with me having a child and family responsibilities.
I feel that women haven’t often supported each other sufficiently here, allowing jealousy, competition, or fixed ideals and beliefs to get in the way. It is great to open the door to having this conversation Victoria, so that women can get to a place of honesty and truly support each other.
If we look at politics, I would argue it is more intense for a woman to be in a high end political role than a man, as not only are they judged by their decisions and political skills, but also by their appearance and how they dress. This doesn’t tell the whole story of why women wouldn’t want to be in such a position, but I would reason that it must add an extra pressure to many considering high profile careers.
Thanks Victoria, very interesting article, I was doing very well in my early career but would have had to give up so much of my children early lives in order to see them before they went to bed that I retrained in a role that gave me more flexibility. Now I have been back at work for a few years and I find that the ‘gap’ in my work life works against me in the interview process. I don’t want to do whatever it takes and walk over people so I appreciate there is only ‘so far’ I will go. My choice but the right one.
I agree Victoria, I felt similar to what you describe, when I chose my former job. I did not want to be in a position which is male oriented. The truth is that certain jobs and positions are so filled with pressure, competition and almost unrealistic expectations that the bigger number of woman are not naturally drawn towards those positions. My experience is that a woman naturally looks for a job which allows a certain balance and flow in life and is not dominated and manipulated by work 24/7. The question is how much do we choose a job concerning our belief system we were brought up with and how much is the job we choose a true call.
Good question Kerstin “how much do we choose a job concerning our belief system we were brought up with and how much is the job we choose a true call.” Although we may make the choice to not enter a high profile job for the reasons already stated, we are still left with the choice of ‘what DO we do?” You are right in that there is a temptation to enter a job out of familiarity and comfort that will simply confirm and cement our belief systems. We could go with this…or we could step out of our comfort zone and move into a job that is of true calling that will challenge us to move from comfort into true service.
Interesting angle Victoria. I agree in that there are more reasons as to why woman don’t obtain these demanding roles and that family isn’t the only reason. The reasons feel multi faceted.
Love this article Victoria. I have had numerous middle management roles and had always avoided promotions to higher powered positions. My main reason was that I saw how the women in these roles became more masculine than the men. They would become hard and felt they needed to out perform the men just to stay on the same level and be accepted as an equal. Yet the men never seemed to fully accept them as equal because if you the woman did not become masculine they were too soft, and if they did they were classed as too male. It seemed like a no win senario for me.
Yes I too have seen this in my workplace Sandhya, where the women go into an extreme drive and talk loudly and aggressively at top speed. You can actually see the men silently rejecting them due to the abnormal behaviour they have taken on.
How about a world where women feel they can just be themselves? Where they can simply express their own unique qualities in all that they say, feel and do in whatever profession or way of living they choose.
Very interesting article Victoria. I personally have not been in a position of a high powered job and for me it was because of a lack of confidence and trust in myself. I also feel that as my future comes towards me that I will be in a position of power, maybe not in a traditional boardroom as such, but I will be in my own position of my own power.
I do not have a family or too many responsibilities other than myself and I have always felt that there was no point having a ‘high profile’ role if it meant sacrificing who I was. I have seen high profile women struggle under enormous stress and strain and I never wanted that for myself. Lately I have observed women like Natalie and Simone Benhayon who take anything and everything in their stride. These women show us just how powerful and effective women can be in high profile roles without becoming like men. Natalie and Simone have shown me that it is possible to be at the top of your game, embrace the gorgeous woman you are enjoy yourself while you are at it. This opens up a world of new opportunities for women as a whole and is incredibly inspiring.
I agree Leonne, fortunately we have seen that this is possible, as without these two role models we would have accepted that it was normal to see women harden and lose their essence for high profile roles.
Absolutely Marcia.
This is interesting point of view- to ask for the real reasons , why women are unrepresented in high ranked positions. and I really can rely on that” they know deep down- what the true cost of such a role would be”. Maybe we have to start off right from the beginning – what a company is really about and make it about people in the first place.
Interesting point Claudia, by joining a company where people are not put first or considered would seem to be perpetuating a system which does not really work… but for a few.
This is a very thought provoking article. It will be very interesting to find a data or a statistics from many different countries looking at the ratio of women in high ranked positions in businesses and governments (and affiliated public sectors).
Thank you for asking the question Victoria. I have never felt to hold a high powered position and the women that I know that do, have had to separate from who they truly are in order to ‘perform and achieve outcomes’. Could it also be that the model of the corporate business world is functioning to cause separation within people and, thus, till that changes women who are truly connected to who they are and live from that connection, will never be attracted by what the ‘high-flying, paying ‘ business roles offer. The cost is too great.
Great article Victoria. I’ve worked in high powered roles for about 10 years now, and I could probably write a blog (or 10) in response to your thoughts. Initially when I was promoted to a Director level role in a Fortune 500 company it seemed exciting. But quickly the shine wore off and I found myself trying to emulate the men just to be accepted. A few years down the track (and many issues later) I have developed a way of being a woman in the workplace, no matter how high up the role. I am nowhere near perfect, but I don’t hold back from saying what I feel. I work hard, but am not hardened to people. I bring humanity to work, and by that I mean I see people and people and communicate with them as they are. Perhaps one of the reasons women don’t go into high powered roles is they think they have to become aggressive and ruthless. I am living proof there is another way.
Thanks Heather; from what I know about you it makes a lot of sense to be writing more on this subject; you have lived it and you have done it and still do and we could all learn a lot from you.
I agree as well here. I’d love to hear more from you in this one. Your own website maybe??? 😉
Heather- you are indeed proof there is another way for women in high powered roles and you have much to share about it- bring on those ten blogs……
Agree Heather. I feel we are very needed in these high profile roles as you have experienced. It feels essential that we bring the true women to these positions to offer a living example to all women and men that it is possible to maintain our quality and femininity without going into hardness or drive.
Heather I would love to hear more about how you now work in the corporate world.
I left the corporate world, and I guess left the corporate ladder many years ago. It just never felt right to me. I loved my job but I didn’t love the constant demand for more and more profit – employees were easily dispensable and looked on as numbers not people. There were absolutely no women at the top level and those that had climbed any rungs on the ladder were as hard as nails. That just wasn’t me.
If I’d had a manager like you Heather all those years ago, one that made work about people and humanity, I most definitely would have stayed and been inspired by the truth you bring of being a true woman in the corporate world.
That is so awesome Heather that you are leading the way here, things don’t need to change, we do. We need to uphold the truth and refuse to calibrate to the current way of being. A difficult feat but you are proof that it can be done, that alone is amazing.
Wow, Heather. I would love to hear more about how you do what you do.
Thank you Victoria. A new way of looking at it that asks the way things are to change and acknowledges the politics and power plays that take place in high-profile positions. Maybe it doesn’t need to be this way. In fact if it wasn’t this way these roles would be more enjoyable (and less damaging to health and family) for all not just women. I totally agree that women in these roles right now tend to take on male characteristics and I know I look at it and say ‘that’s not for me’. I am considering taking on one of these roles as I see maybe I could have a positive impact but I’m hesitant because I ask myself ‘would I just add more of the same and lose myself in the process?’.
As a man I understand it very well why so many women chose to not work 60-100 hours a week as is currently asked in the top. Let alone the fact that as a woman one has to work at least twice as hard to be heard. So what about also investigating what is needed to work in the top not from drivenness and not with hardness, etc. It almost seems to be that if the harder we work, the more responsibility we take. Let’s change this and make effort in bringing down the quantity hours and get more to quality hours. In my experience, in regards to that – we as men can learn a lot – A LOT – from women.
Beautiful comment Floris. Yes, a change from ‘quantity’ to ‘quality’ would be very welcome and much more truly productive for everyone.
Great blog. In my experience I have lacked the confidence and that is an issue that needs addressing on a wider scale within society. Why do women lack confidence in themselves? However, I have always firmly felt that the feminist movement fought for women to have rights in a man’s world. Since then we have more pressure on us and that is not something I am willing to be part of. I have no desire for a high-powered job as I agree entirely with what you have said Victoria. By running my own business I do not have the same pressures and I can hold myself as a woman in this. I do not have to fit into the male contract of the working world. And this was true for me both pre and post children.
Love this article Victoria. So true and yes family and work (for example) is not the real reason women don’t choose to be in top roles. There is more to it. I can feel the hardness, pressure, delivering, goal driven and the male driven energy scares the women away.
Very interesting Victoria. I toyed with climbing the corporate ladder within the pharmaceutical industry about 15 years ago…but didn’t. A number of the women I worked with chose to and it was interesting to watch. The culture was quite aggressive with a superficial semblance of care for people. The woman in management were hard and dressed and lived like aggressive corporate men. One of the women I worked with who chose management roles and wanted to climb as high as she could became very ruthless and disconnected from herself. One day she dropped the façade of ‘enjoying the ride’ and confided how awful the role was… how much terrible pressure she was under…how her family life suffered…how she really wanted to get out. I think there is a place for women in high profile roles but I think they have to fill the position as themselves not as female versions of the dysfunctional and disregarding male icons that make operating in the business world exhausting for both sexes.
Thank you Victoria, a very good blog! About 40 years ago when I was 18, I finished a 3 year apprenticeship at a bank and to my surprise was offered to be trained and built up to take on a higher level position as one of the first few women in that company. Without hesitation I declined. This was not due to a lack of confidence but a very clear sense of what the atmosphere on that higher level would be like and who I would have to become to succeed in it. It would have meant to harden considerably and live under a lot of drive, putting the idea of money and profit before people and to me that looked like a very empty life even if it promised to be well paid. So instead I chose to go back to University and enrol for a teacher’s diploma and have been teaching ever since.
I wholeheartedly agree with Victoria and Ryan. Victoria you raise an excellent point regarding the lack of women in high powered roles and had never heard this perspective put forwards before for women not choosing these roles as the real cost to our values and well-being is too high despite the dollars on offer. My experience of the workplace and business from a middle management perspective is upper management are often driving the workplace where ‘profit no matter what’ is the silent anthem of the company. As Ryan points out this culture is not escaped at the top and those part of the middle management structure are left to feel like they too are perpetrators of this culture. I wonder if the health care system were to collapse if there would be a stop that called into question the culture that so many workplaces are entrenched in? Is it not after all where we spend so many of our waking hours?
I have a feeling women would like to get involved in high level decision making and many would learn how to function in such an environment. However, there is a great article in The Economist http://www.economist.com/news/science-and-technology/21639439-women-are-scarce-some-not-all-academic-disciplines-new-work-suggests that shows in areas where those in power think you need a special talent (and business is one of those areas) there is systematic pressure to exclude those who are different from the incumbents.
The funny thing is that there is a lot of research out there showing that mixed gender groups do often better than single gender groups and that businesses where women have power tend to be more sustainable and resistant to shock.
Really interesting comments from everyone. In my current workplace the demands of the available high profile roles are so toxic that where once there were people all vying for the positions, they are now having trouble getting people to apply. The ones that do take the roles tend to be people who can mostly over ride the human side of the roles and bow to the demands of a brutal corporate profit driven mentality. However, it also is very true that many of us who turn away from undertaking such roles in this type of environment still ‘drive’ ourselves relentlessly in our life domains. To me, it’s a sad reflection of where humanity is currently at. Thankfully, that is where the work of The Livingness and Universal Medicine is of such profound service.
Thanks for this article Victoria – I enjoyed it..I can appreciate what you’ve talked about here, and can relate to the view that the idea of going into what is considered a ‘high powered’ role can be not all that appealing for the reasons you’ve explained. For me, as a woman – if the option was offered to me, I would step into that sort of professional role only if it felt 100% true in my body to do so…Working in a profession where the more ‘senior’ roles are chased after, with many pushing themselves to ‘get there’ – has never really appealed to me. The quality of our relationships in our workplace (and everywhere else) is the marker of true ‘success’ I feel – not where we ‘sit in the so-called foodchain’,,,,,
So true Rachel. Your comment regarding ‘the quality of our relationships being the true marker of success’ creates a completely different approach to the false sense of hierarchy that often exists in workplaces. When there is this sense of a corporate ladder so to speak, along comes the sense of inequality and the ensuing separation this brings. When this exists within a business there is no success – not for the business, nor any person working within that business.
Different way of looking at women in the work force Victoria. I doubt anyone would have looked at it that way before. I like Rachel’s response, as it is true. Women have no trouble going into hardness etc for the household and family- because that is what we are used to and actually, that is a high-powered job on its own. For myself, i haven’t experienced much of the high profile roles, but it does feel like there is a certain type of dominance required for them. Though, It doesn’t have to be driven this way and the way we approach a role is up to us. For me, If the place I worked at required it, I would be up for a high profile job for sure. I’m 20 and no children. I understand women not wanting a high powered job though,especially when they have children. They would have 3 high powered jobs then – their work, children minding and cleaning house ;). i just recently was offered a higher role at my work place after applying for it (pretty much what I am already doing). Once accepting i had thoughts like ‘what if i am no good at it or fail’ or ‘what if i can’t actually do the job’ so maybe not only do we not want the pressure of a high-powered role. but maybe women sometimes don’t feel good enough or like they are not able to handle it.
Thank you Victoria, great article and comments! The way we approach work life is biased by how we are brought up in society. As women we learn to be in the world in a certain way and as men too and because we live in a male driven society from the outside it looks like it is more designed for men than for women. And looking at the structural inequalities it definitely is. But truly it is not.
We have to start understanding the world from how we feel as the people living in it and not as the systems dictate us. It is not that working in a higher position has to be in a certain way, we believe that it has to be because we let the system be bigger than ourselves. Apart from the structural limitations, women are not choosing not to be in higher positions because of the sacrifices or the male driven hardness that is expected from them, they have no problem to sacrifice themselves 24/7 for the family, being driven, hard and functioning they just learned that this is more valuable for them, that they are getting more out of it emotionally. It is a belief system we are sold from a very young age. We are sold that staying in certain positions in society we are more connected and can live our life more in full, but If we are truly connected to ourselves we can be in our quality as women wherever we work and in whatever position.
Rachel, so much to ponder on. How women are brought up to believe certain roles are what will fulfil them as women can be so influential. I know as I told I would regret not having children for example. This seeded a belief of what if they are right? Much in the same way, I imagine, that being told having a career will leave you lonely and empty at the end of your life. This stereotype is one I have absorbed from society without knowing where to pin point it’s origin.
What you say about women living full and vital lives in business is completely possible when they connect with themselves. This breaks this belief system and gives women the options to choose a life that is true to them.
Yes, and how arrogant and ignorant is it to assume that it is solely because of sexual discrimination in the workplace that there are relatively few women working in these high-intensity environments? This line of thought completely fails to take into account what individual women might actually want, instead assuming that all women are champing at the bit to break into these executive-type jobs, and to sell out to the masculine energy of aggression and greed which currently fuels the business world. Might it be that many women don’t want anywhere near this environment, precisely because it is so toxic? And so, might a truer approach be to change the culture and ethos of these environments on a fundamental level – to become more nurturing environments for men and women alike – rather than playing around with quotas etc. to get more women into the boardroom?
Amazing comment Conor. Yes it may not be purely discrimination that stops women from stepping into these high powered roles. It may also be the fact that we are making a choice based on not wanting to “sell out”.
Wow Victoria, great analyses you have made, it is not about that women are not willing to participate in the top roles in businesses but about the way the management is currently conducted in companies that is not women’s piece of cake. It feels that we have to revise the demands of such roles and how they will be implemented in the organisations, that there is required a complete change in management before women will naturally become part of it.
Awesome Ryan your ‘people before profit’ is breaking all current approaches that are only out for the success, glory and money. It is extremely important that people like you keep living and inspiring others to do the same. We as a western society have completely lost our way in this regard to push ourselves beyond what feels right all for recognition, success and money.
Hi Victoria, I really enjoyed reading this blog again and I feel you’ve hit the nail on the head in this comment … “I suspect most women intuitively feel the demands of a high-powered position in today’s workplace are too great, and aren’t prepared to pay the price – and that’s the reason why there are so few of us ‘at the top’.” I can certainly relate to this as I am sure many other women can.
This is a great article, and a very important discussion. Personally, I find that I am always making decisions about the balance of harmony between my work and family/home life. Recently though, I have come to appreciate more just how much I bring to the work place when my home life feels well cared for, and vice versa. The two are constantly feeding each other because both places are me in life itself. there is no real distinction. It is just life. And the one constant thing in it is the quality of me.
Yeh Bravo Ryan sound words!
So inspiring Ryan. Thank you for being a pioneer in the importance of self-care, integrity and respect for others in the workplace. The ripple effects of your priorities will have a huge effect.
Perhaps more and more women are connecting with their naturally tender and nourishing way, and realize that someone has to lead the way out of this abusive system in business that has been created and based on competition, working yourself to the bone to “make it” and dominate other companies at the expense of their own bodies along the way. Men have certainly not been acting in way that is more self-nurturing while in high-profile leadership roles in business. Us men could learn from what Victoria is presenting here as a very likely reason that women have chosen not to pursue these types of jobs.
It was lovely to read your comment Michael and how you have reversed the whole topic. Rather than looking at women who choose to not go for high profile jobs and asking… what is wrong with the women? you have asked.. what are men doing that is not working? I love your line, “Us men could learn from what Victoria is presenting here as a very likely reason that women have chosen not to pursue these types of jobs.” Thanks for sharing.
Ryan – a powerful perspective on ‘high profile roles’ – it certainly is such that we’re not working or living in a way that allows power to mean gentleness and awareness – it is based on what you’re able to get out of people to meet what needs to be done.
That isn’t a relationship at all – but again – in high profile roles the world knows no different. Until we live in a different way from every level – this won’t change.
Thank you for writing this blog, it has really got me wondering.. it seems that we have put a lot of pressure on women to be everything, and this includes raising a family and having a high profile, top job too amongst all of that! It feels like a lot of women are overloaded and asked to be something they may not actually want but I feel it goes deeper than that, it touches on a woman’s self worth because if they do not achieve the top, they have somehow failed – even if those words are not used directly, or even spoken about, it is there, because as a society we judge success in this way. So the consequence is that women will never be content with where they are at, they will always strive to be more (and at what cost?) rather than just being themselves. Crazy to put this on women but at least blogs like these are a great opportunity to be honest about what’s really going on.
A great blog Victoria. Super powerful, thank you.
What an amazing light your comment has thrown on the way ‘success’ is achieved in many companies today. Here’s to more businesses based on your model, and that of Universal Medicine.
The very ‘cut-throat’ nature of high powered jobs requires a very thick skin. Men become tough and women become hard to cope with it. It is a strange world that we perpetuate when the systems we set up are destroying us. It’s not surprising that women ‘opt out’ of the rat race because they are much more in touch with their sensitivity than men. Business does need to look at why it is the way it is – why it creates so many stressed and pressured workers. When we see businesses nurtured by women who are honoured for their natural ways, businesses will no longer compete against each other but work together to serve the one humanity instead of the greedy pockets of the few.
Well said Jinya – “When we see businesses nurtured by women who are honoured for their natural ways, businesses will no longer compete against each other but work together to serve the one humanity instead of the greedy pockets of the few.” To honour the natural ways of women and also men would help us to work towards a collective whole that would serve all, instead of the greed, competition and corruption that we see today.
This blog is so very needed to make us stop, feel and connect to what we have created in the world of work. You are right Jinya when you say that currently businesses serve the greedy pockets of the few. The intention is not to serve everyone equally which can be seen in high illness rates and time taken off work by employees. You have answered the question of the blog, “why women say no” because we are much more in touch with sensitivity. It is so sad that we bring up boys and men to dishonour the sensitivity and discount it. Perhaps the game changer would be to bring our young boys up to honour their sensitivity and this would fundamentally change how the business world would be run by men. Together in their sensitivity the world of work run by men would invite women for their equal contribution and the nasty competitive drive would melt away replaced by care and understanding for all.
Yes I agree with you Rachel. It’s time to no longer ignore what is obviously not working. By bringing up our boys with the sensitivity that they deserve, we can change the face of business the world over.
I can remember working when my children were young and the stress of work being inflexible and also having no family support. For women with families flexibility and having support are key ingredients to a successful career. I would imagine most high powered roles are unlikely to have the flexibility or a support structure within them to allow women to work in a way that is productive without compromising other areas of their life.
Well said Jane, I always used to and still find my self at times seeing jobs differently in terms of ‘high powered’ ones and more ‘menial’ type ones. But ultimately every job, well not all!, are needed and somebody has to do them. I can see with a lot of people they have a trade off between work life and family life. Often the most successful business people have sacrificed their family life at some stage, almost all saying I will do this now as it will pay off later. Then on the other hand are the people who give up on the top jobs for the family life and get the balance the other way! Something I have come to learn and am constantly inspired by Serge Benhayon is that no matter what we are doing we only wear one hat – i.e. we can’t change who we are in different situations and stay true to ourselves. This means we can’t be crazy stressed at work and then totally present and relaxed at home with the family.
I am learning that my relationship, my family, is something I hold dear to me and is something I need to treasure and value. The more I do this the more I value myself at work and look after myself so I do not bring all that ‘stress’ home. It puts more responsibility on the way and the quality I am working in. I may end up needing to work longer hours, but as long as I am coming home in a state that I can be present and there with my partner i.e. not just wanting to fall asleep or watch tv, then I know how I have lived my day has been in line with my relationship. What’s the point working all these hours, to then come out exhausted and have no quality time with my partner?
This brings it back to the quality I am choosing to live my life. As we cannot truly change hats rather we wear the same one means that in order for my quality to be where I want it in my relationship it has to be the same in all other areas, at work, with colleagues, with my extended family, friends, etc. Yes, this can be seen as a big ask but the more consistent I am with everyone and everything I do, the more energy I have, the less tired I am and the more loving all my relationships and interactions become.
Many years ago, I said no to a very demanding ‘high profile’ job. The truth was I knew my body could not handle the pressure as well as be with my little one and play a full part in my family. At that time I didn’t know that “I would have to give up something precious and fundamental within me” but I can now clearly see the pressure the role would certainly have expected of me, and a way of working that I was not prepared to take.
It’s not just high-powered roles, it’s typical male-based occupations as well – I graduated as an engineer way back in the 70s and have had a long and varied career, but not in engineering. I gave up on many aspects of it because I felt I wasn’t good at it, but more recently I realised that it is because I’m a ‘people person’ and at the time, engineering was all about the work itself, the project, the job, and not geared to helping women value themselves for who they were. Now there are many more women in engineering so the face of it is changing, and women are finding that they don’t have to be like the men, they can bring their own qualities to the work.
This is inspiring Carmel. As more women come into previously male dominated roles there will naturally be a shift to include more female qualities. Everyone will benefit from this.
I have noticed that men are still given much heavier pressure to be financially successful than women, globally. I feel that this, in combination with having been told they are supposed to be tough and not sensitive or gentle from an even earlier age than women, is a huge factor in why and how more men than women are willing to push themselves into positions of power, against their inner feeling that it is unnatural for them, and which then can further cripple and debilitate their whole being.
Great to hear your perspective on this Ryan.
I have observed “the grass is greener” scenario (which of course happens anywhere on the socioeconomic ladder) watching numerous friends and family members drive themselves into the ground in a desperate search for relief from hard and thankless work situations. Many times I have heard these words, “once I work for myself I will have more time…” then “once I own my own house I will change…” but there seems always to be another hill to scrape over…until our bodies stop us or until we stop and realize there is a different WAY to go about it all. A way men and women, when allowed to really feel, want equally.
It’s a great inspiration to see more people taking charge in their vocation and cultivating a more gentle life at the same time. For me, the ends don’t justify the means in how we live life…because there is no “magical gentler life” awaiting us while we push in hardness and self abuse but there is the choice to arrive now at a gentler way forward.
So many fantastic and important ‘what if’s’ Jane. And I totally agree that it is “really important during our education as men and women to look at how to work in a way that supports our wellbeing” – if the education system worked this way, there would be a lot less illness and disease in the world than there is currently, as we would be supported to know how to look after ourselves instead of having the epidemics of lifestyle related conditions in society.
Great to read your response Ryan! A male friend of mine,
whom I know to be sensitive, worked in the oil industry and
eschewed promotion for the very reasons that you have so carefully spelled out!
“No, I don’t want that, it doesn’t feel right… it feels like if I chose that, I would have to give up something precious and fundamental within me.” I agree completely with this sentence. Perhaps as women we are less driven by competition to prove ourselves with others. No big business can run with just a top dog Chief Executive, every employee is a part of a steady functioning operation. When the boss goes away on a ‘very important’ overseas business trip the business continues to run in their absence. Many less well-paid members of the firm are just, if not more, essential to the smooth running of the day to day business. To put excessive emphasis on being at the top of the pile is to disregard the value of everyone else.
Is it possible for men or women to have top job roles and not harden off? In our present society, I don’t think so, with the ferocious competition and cutthroat behaviours pushing the multi-national companies today. Women who have high positions have to stop competing with men, to try to do as well, or better. When women behave differently, the men can see they don’t have to push themselves into the ground to be successful. A lot of people, men and women have sold out on their personal lives for their success in business.
We have to learn to behave differently – wherever we are. If we stop competing and comparing ourselves and instead reflect out our “doing” from a place of stillness within, it does get noticed. We can start this by choosing to not get caught up in the busy-ness of business. As Victoria writes, “I would have to give up something precious and fundamental within me”, by taking on a high profile role and, as you say Gill, hardening. At present that seems the only way to survive at the top end of the business world. And how many high profile people collapse from stress, heart attacks etc? Is that truly a way to live?
A great point Jane, this could be something that we can all begin to bring into where we work at the moment. What if we don’t think of ourselves in better or worse positions than others? I work in a company where not everyone works full time. I recognise that each person has a different level of commitment based on their circumstances, but that the time they are at work, each person works hard, and brings something different to the company, all of which is just as valuable as what I bring, even though I spend more time at work and have more responsibility because of my full time hours. I see each person’s role as equally valuable, even though there are different roles and levels of responsibility and, based on practicalities, the company wouldn’t run smoothly without the support of all. It is really important to recognise this.
Thank you, Victoria, for opening the door for some true questions about why women make the choices they do. As others write in the comments, to me it’s about the fact that in order to be successful in a top role, women feel they have to take on male traits that are not natural and thus women are not staying true to themselves.
And yet, the answer really isn’t to stay out of the top positions, but to learn to stay true to ourselves no matter what the norm is or the expectations are for what success looks like.
Awesome response Ryan, this is totally contra to how most companies operate and is very inspirational. You are definitely showing business that there is another way.
I never occurred to me that men would also have to harden to endure the top positions and the added pressure; although I have seen it with women colleagues who have landed top jobs and then act differently in order to be seen to be doing a good job.
This is true Julie. Men also have to harden to keep up the game. There is pressure on everyone in these roles,not just the women.
We allow ourselves to be caught by the games we have set up. Striving to emulate men in the workplace in competition, rather than bring the qualities we have naturally to support and enhance the workplace for everyone.
I love your comment Jane and I can feel as you wrote, how incredible it would be if we were taught from an early age at school/college to be ourselves and to simply bring that to work. I can also feel by changing things for ourselves and becoming more and tender and nurturing, we bring that to our work too, which supports and inspires others.
I like how you’ve identified that for women it can be a choice to not ‘disrupt the balance’ in their lives by taking on a high profile job role. I find women can also choose it to try and prove something, that they can live and succeed in a ‘man’s world’.. why should it have to be like this? Both options demonstrate how we have created a society based on being driven and creating stressful situations – what we are discussing is why people choose to be a part of that or not
Very true Jane. There are so many great points raised and experiences shared in this article and the comments. How wonderful and inspiring it would be to share them elsewhere.
The more people honestly review how they feel about business and what is truly important, the more we can break through the inhuman expectations and stress of current practise. When we value relationships in our lives, this respect will inevitably filter into the workplace.
I agree with what you say with regards to it being ‘a push to get to the top’ or to get ‘somewhere’ in life. This is not natural for us. I have recently started a job which I can honestly say feels true to my heart and, although it can be challenging and doesn’t earn a lot, it feels very purposeful and I can actually feel the joy in my body from finally choosing to do something that felt right for me to do many years ago but which I ignored. Why did I ignore it? Because amongst many other reasons one of them was to do a job where I would have more financial security and ignore what felt right for me, which is laughable really because in the end it brought me the complete opposite along with misery. So I don’t feel it is about women as such but that we as both men and women need to start to let go of that push, drive and striving to get ‘to the top’ or ‘somewhere’ because there is no top to get to, we should have learnt this by now.
Thank you Victoria, it makes you consider just what is expected in high-profile-roles and why we take them on or get involved. As Golnaz points out would men also want to take on these roles or is it something they’ve been raised to think they must do. There has to be a better way of working that really supports everyone. What is now presented by Universal Medicine who won the recent “People’s Choice Business Excellence” award offers a way in business that supports everyone.
Thank you for sharing Ryan and for summing up the current model of the business ladder for both men and women so succinctly, and for showing that there is a loving way of putting people above profits.
Jane I love your comment. I know I love working and working with others. I know it is my responsibility to work in a way that I don’t go into hardness to deliver what I am being asked to do because I think that is the only way. It isn’t; even if, when I do get a full time job again, I go into old patterns before I find my way to be both fully committed and harmonious at work as the two qualities I suspect are synonymous with each other.
This is an interesting conversation. Earlier on I was considering how, in order to play the top roles, women have to play it as the men, become tough, over-ride their feelings, and that the way those roles need to be carried out is not honouring of them as women.
Then later, especially with reading some of the comments by the men, I am considering that it is the same for the men too! Who says that men have to be tough, and over ride ‘their’ feelings, because they are just as tender and they are just as feeling and they would not choose to work all hours and be stressed all the time if they felt the option was there. and that the way those roles need to be carried out is not honouring of them as men either!
So now I am thinking that Women tend to say ‘no’ because everyone should really be saying ‘no’ to the way those top jobs are run. The women do not have as much pressure and expectation on them as the men to say ‘yes’ and are therefore able to be more honest to their feelings. But if everyone was able to be honest and honour their true feelings, hardly any man or woman would say ‘yes’ to these high profile roles.
I agree with Ryan that I don’t think men really enjoy these executive roles either and most would say no to them if they really knew the extent of what is involved. Certainly having witnessed my own father dealing with an executive role and all that came with it when I was growing up made me certain that if I had a choice I would choose relationships over power, money or fame which is pretty much what it boils down to. Perhaps that’s what women are trying to tell us? That life is about relationships not power or money or fame.
‘I don’t think men really enjoy these executive roles either and most would say no to them if they really knew the extent of what is involved’ – I agree Andrew, and it seems to me like when they do land themselves a job in a high/executive role they put on a front of ‘I can handle this’, ‘I’m a man’, and they ‘tough up’ in order to deal with the many challenges and responsibilities involved.
Feeling powerless in my marriage in the 1970’s, I went along with being a mother at home. I felt isolated, depressed and unhappy at not having ‘a role’, just a mother !
I did eventually find something I could offer to be recognised, I could sew.
However, looking back, I realise the reason I felt this way was because I did not value myself, yet, I know my son and daughter did benefit from my being there for them.
Personally, I feel we can make more difference in the world by being available for our children, especially in their early months of life.
Jane well shared, may be in the future there will be equalness in the jobs out there as every job has a key role to play in society. Maybe health and well being will become one of the key focus in a role, rather than what position you hold.
Amazing topic Victoria, thank you for sharing. My manager at work is a female and she is doing an amazing job. I can feel the hardness in her but she can also be extremely tender when she reconnects to herself.
Victoria,
I work in an advertising agency where there certainly are ‘high profile’ roles within the company.
Of course – most of these are occupied by males.
And the females who are ‘up there’ – have adopted a way of working that is very far from who they were as children. There is no tenderness or sense of real femaleness. Sure they can buy the nice heels and wear the right makeup – but they are quite hard in how they work. It seems as though their way to climb to the top, as a woman, is to get tough. Be a ‘bi*ch’ and let people know you are in charge.
That is what I have been exposed to. So yes – my instant reaction is ‘not for me’ which then means that we, as a society, use what we do, and our positions, to define how we’re treated.
This has so much to do with the inequality of men and women – it is based on what we do.
Whilst women have a very powerful part to play – bringing life into the world, and potentially raising the next CEO!
It is a total imbalance. Women should be able to be their tender nurturing selves in full – in these sorts of roles. Imagine how powerful that would be!
Great point Hannah. Surely it doesn’t mean that as women we should stay away from these roles and opt out. This leaves the world to be as it is without any other examples of how to work and live. Is it not more about claiming ourselves in our true female energy and walking into these roles and being true to ourselves?
Great confirmation Ryan. Your comment has made me ponder on the fact that the same applies to men in high profile roles. Your example shows that you were true to yourself within the role and didn’t conform.
Thank you Victoria Lister for a powerful article and asking the question to us as readers – I have in the past driven myself to ensure I had a high powered role with all the material success it brought me. Looking back I made sure my circle of friends did not have the same success and that made me think I was doing great, but at the same time I felt the inequality in all of this and it really did feel wrong inside my body. The high powered job came at a huge cost – I became a man in a woman’s body and it cost me through ill health that led to major surgery. The drive in me even after a year off work and being diagnosed with a tumour did not stop. I had to learn how to stop and take care of myself and put myself first and not see my body as a machine to just do things with no regard. Learning to love myself was for weak women and I classed myself as a strong woman. How wrong I was. I lived in a very hard, bloated and overweight body with adult acne.
Today I feel more powerful than ever and as a woman I know that power comes from my steady stillness that is inside me at the core of my being. This is the stillness I choose to connect to and present when I work and not the actions in my doing. That stillness is deepening and I know it is where I choose to put my focus. The gender of who is at the top or in positions of power no longer interests me and the drive is simply no longer there. Deep thanks to Serge Benhayon for showing me another way to live and claim my own power.
Your sharing has a great learning in it Bina, I wonder how many women and men in high powered positions drive themselves to their limits and only stop when they get so ill they can’t carry on. What sort of leadership role are we creating and what is this doing to us all if it leads to extreme ill health? To break it down further, if someone is so driven then how are they managing their staff and what is the ripple effects on the health of all employees under this person.
Thank you Bina for your deep honesty and sharing of how you became a “man in a women’s body”. Amazing how you were able to come back from even having that drive after being diagnosed with a tumour to where you are at today, a consistent rock of stillness and true power. I have to say that the women I have observed in high ranking corporate positions did not have this True power from their femaleness, but used a super masculine forcefulness to push and control their way to the “top” (not really the top by my way of measuring) . This usually comes at the expense of their bodies and many times they even look and act like men right down to how they dress, their mannerisms, and body language. Victoria’s observation of why a lot of women do not truly want this way of living because they can feel deep down that it is harming, and almost an act of selling out as a woman, makes a lot of sense to me.
Wow, what a response Ryan! Here’s to “saying ‘no’ to an otherwise accepted form of macro-scale abuse and disharmony”. Thank you Victoria for this amazing blog which hits so many nails on the head, I don’t know where to start. It is wonderful to honour the inner wisdom of women who choose not to put themselves into aggressive work situations.
I recently decided not to apply for a more responsible job at work. This was not because of a lack of confidence. I knew I could do the job, but I felt I would be sacrificing thing in my life that are precious to me, like time with my family in the evenings and time for my outside interests. i have discovered that having a good balance in life is so important.
This is awesome Jane, and you self care in your profession, you inspire us all!
Yes Ariana I can say the same for myself. I sometimes go into a drive to deliver what’s expected at work, but its often at a cost to my well-being and relationships. I am working on another way of being that involves not so much trying and not pushing myself so hard.
I see women in high profile jobs on TV and wonder how do they do it and what drives them to get where they get to in the industry? I thought I wanted a high profile role in work… but I realised that if I did chose that, it was mainly because I would be trying to prove that I can succeed and know how to be independent, in reaction to feeling like others did not believe that I could make it or succeed. Trying to prove that I am a woman and can do anything. Something I know now not to be true and I now feel that doing what is good for me is the better option instead of doing something I don’t naturally feel to do.
That is beautiful and empowering to hear and read Ryan. To feel that they’re not just words but actions too, and know that it can be done another way is incredibly inspiring. And, as you say, is the only way to change what we have up until now endured and created.
Hi Victoria. Great article and great discussion. I don’t know that many women in corporate roles but what I have observed with those that I do, work long hours at the bequest of their employers for as long as they are needed which has included just come home to shower and often don’t get to spend much time with their families. They have expressed how they can feel stressed with it all, need to drink coffee to keep them going and feel like they need to be superwoman to manage and fulfill the role enough and be diligent in their roles as mother, wife, and being a woman. Thank you for posing these questions for us all to consider.
Wow, a really interesting piece, and definitely one that needs exploring and exposing. By us not speaking up about the true reasons why we do not pursue such ‘levels of power’ or ‘positions of authority’ we are giving way to a whole plethora of excuses and invalid reasons which feed the next generation ideas and feed our own present lack of self worth.
A great way to look at it Jenny, it also goes for Men not speaking up about what we feel is true or not and letting things slide or avoiding them. It does not help anyone.
Hello, a thought provoking article, I have been asking myself why I turned away from higher management roles. I always felt I had the skills and awareness to succeed in higher management roles. I was to some degree assertive, confident and well qualified in my previous job – but I did not feel to keep climbing the ladder of management. You quote “because deep down they know what the true cost of such a role would be”. It is possible I did intuitively feel that I would be compromising too much, and the balance I was seeking in my life would not be possible. However, I was also turning away from being involved in what I perceived was an insincere, driven and hypocritical environment, where game playing and competition were rife. I worked in the charity sector, so it had the double impact of having a veneer of ‘goodness’ when it was still all office politics, who one knew and seemingly needing to commit to the ideals of the organisation. This was a big one, feeling that if I did not speak the ‘jargon’ of the company and sector, I would not be included or have the potential to climb the management ladder. I could not do this, it felt wrong. At that stage in my life, I did not have the confidence to step up and be myself in that world without getting emotional and involved and I would turn away from what I deemed was fundamentally not truthful. So, I kept working with the people, on ground level, keeping connected with the people that the charity was established to support. It felt more real and truthful. I am changed now, it has been some years since I worked in that world and I know I am better equipped to deal with what once challenged me. However many businesses still require, or staff still feel, that if you want to get ahead you need to commit to it, and only it 110%, negate all balance in your life, compromise your integrity and exhaust yourself with unreasonable hours – there does need to be a shift to support both women and men.
For me the tune I sang to was that women are less. And that whilst I knew on some level I had great skills and qualities to bring, it would be better if a man did the job. To shake up and see these belief systems for the madness they are is very liberating, giving us the opportunity to review and make true choices. I still carry the remnants of being less, but they no longer govern my choices.
“At that stage in my life, I did not have the confidence to step up and be myself in that world without getting emotional and involved and I would turn away from what I deemed was fundamentally not truthful.” This is a great point Samantha, this is what I have found about myself too and I have now learned that this is when the hardness creeps in and we start to lose ourselves in the roles we take on. We all intuitively know that there is something not right in the way people have to be in the top echelons of business and that we will have to lose something, and that something is us, our true way of being.
There is a balance, but as long as women are willing to lose their own natural delicate and tender ways and take on male driven roles nothing will change.
It’s so true, Shirley Ann, I found that when I was in a higher profile job, I became harder and tougher in myself because I knew no better at the time, and it felt the way everyone behaved.
A great and informative blog thank you
This is an interesting discussion you raise Michelle, to look at work life balance as well as the quality we are when we live each day. I have experienced the quality you live each day to have the biggest impact on my day.
I too am currently being challenged with work life balance and out of work balance. For quite a while due to staffing issues, my work life has taken over my out of work life. This has hugely impacted on my quality of how I live each day as I am constantly feeling being caught up in the doing and playing catch up. Something I am working on.
Awesome blog Victoria, thank you for sharing .
What a great blog Victoria, and interesting follow on comments. I can relate to much that is written.
Hi Victoria, I certainly did feel the demands of a high-powered position were too great, and I wasn’t prepared to pay the price, though I later discovered the option I took also wasn’t quite it!. I was offered the post of Art Director for Europe at a London based international design consultancy. I knew I could do the job well but instead I chose to turn down the offer. A large factor in my decision was that I had just become a new mum. I left the company and set up on my own. However what I found was that the ethos and ideals around ‘successful working’ simply side stepped along with me. It wasn’t till a long time after that I discovered the currency of that true price we pay as women that you talk about. For success in both circumstances I had to not know my true self worth or my innate qualities that I bring as a woman to any workplace. Choosing both scenarios I had to “give up something precious and fundamental within me”. I feel you’re spot on with this Victoria!
Hi Rosanna, this is a great point you have raised, I have found as well that at times I think I am making choices which put the care of my family first, only to discover later that actually I have compromised on what is true for me as a person.
Wow. Light the way Ryan that is an awesome, claiming and fantastic reply to Victoria’s blog. Amazing. In so many ways I feel to say I want to come and work for you, but in truth I know it’s only by taking the inspiration I feel right now and applying it to my current employment will I too benefit from your learned, and lived example. Thank you.
Wow indeed., Phill. Ryan is showing how much of big business is today, and it’s not good. I once worked as a cashier in a bank – on my first day I noticed a ‘workers charter’ pinned on the door and it was all about support and caring, and I thought how lucky I was to get this position in such a caring establishment. It didn’t take long to see that it was just words. The bank was really not about serving customers and caring for its staff. It was about making (lots of) money. The way to get on was to make yourself better than the others, any way you could. I left.
This blog raises such an interesting point which possibly no one has considered: that women know what they would have to become in order to succeed in these roles and few are willing to harden themselves and their bodies enough to compete.
Great point Judy
Yes, I agree. It’s a point I’d never consciously considered. I know I have said no to certain jobs knowing I would have to over extend myself to do them.
I wonder if many other women have also considered what a career job would require and have said no but without consciously acknowledging that their no was from a self-nurturing place of looking after themselves: a refusal to harden in order to ‘succeed;’ and their lack of ambition was actually a loving response to a challenging workplace.
That is gorgeous Karin, to really appreciate any choices we are making and why. I wonder if men in general feel less able to make that same choice for themselves, that there is such a stereotype and pressure of how they should be the provider and how they should succeed at work, and that it is expected for them to put up with the stresses of that kind of environment.
Yes Judy and how devastating for us to know this but to think that this is the only way to ‘Make it’ or ‘Survive’ in the business world. I have started to re-connect to my knowingness and turn the tables on this approach – Let me tell you it feels completely different and the results are 100 times better.
Natalie I can feel your approach is totally different and takes into consideration all who work where you work and those you serve. I’d love to read a blog on this.
Spot on Laura. So many men feel they don’y have an option for what they have been taught to see as failure.
Great article Victoria. I especially like your sentence as to why women may not choose to go for high profile jobs “because deep down they know what the true cost of such a role would be”. So many women, myself included, have tried to compete with men in the past, to prove “I can do it”. How great it will be when women are valued for their true selves and when men are also valued for the tenderness and sensitivity – which we all have – universally. There is another way.
I agree Sue, there definitely is another way. How beautiful it will be when ‘women are valued for their true selves and men are valued for their tenderness and sensitivity’.
Sue I completely agree with what you share, as I have also tried to compete with men with ‘ I can do it’. It does take a lot out of you, physically, emotionally, mentally and possibly one of the reasons why women may not choose the high profile jobs.
It is very true Sue, and to add for Women to be valued for their gentleness, understanding and warmth in either being or conversing.
As I was reading the article I could see how there is a notion that a high profile role needs to be driven, competitive, harsh, all consuming , and how this simply does not honour and appreciate the finer true qualities of either men or women which include tenderness, sensitivity, love and care. Successful business such as Universal Medicine can show that businesses can be run profitably in a far more caring way.
Absolutely Golnaz and this way is possible for every business if they choose to work on true integrity and true quality.
Well said, Golnaz. Universal Medicine is creating a new business model based on putting people’s wellbeing ahead of any financial goals.
Most definitely Universal Medicine is leading the way on how to be first and foremost caring, all encompassing and loving in everything that they do, offer and share. This is one business that needs to be studied as it keeps growing from strength to strength and there has been no advertising what so ever. All word of mouth – that’s saying something.
I agree Sue, well said – it will be a joy when the time comes when men and women are equally valued for our true selves and for the tenderness and sensitivity we all bring, rather than, at least in the workplace, measured by our output rather than the quality in the way we work and the quality of what we then produce.
It’s a great topic, Victoria, and thought provoking about high powered women on the workplace. I always knew I never wanted to be at the top of my profession : at the time I thought it was because I wasn’t a leader and didn’t have leadership qualities so had put myself down and accepted I had a worker role. But with reflection, I know it was how organisations were (and some still are), it was because it always felt I would have to drive and give away so much of myself to use the same energy as men. Now I am learning more, that it is possible to lead in organisations with the people first approach, thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon. Won’t it be amazing when large organisations are all run in this way in the future?
Adriana I can understand what you say, I too gave up on success in the IT world as I always knew in me, there was another way, and now I have found this other way, thanks to Serge Benhayon.
Well expressed Kevin, I totally agree, its crazy that we are so money driven as a society, yes business is about profits but it doesn’t have to be at the cost of your workforce. Hear hear to throwing in some more love and tenderness, a surefire way to create the motivated and efficient staff every business desires.
I so agree that business do not need to make profit at the expense of staff. I don’t understand why we as a society are so money driven. How did society become like this?
Great subject Victoria, My take on it is, do men have to be so like men in these roles as well? The competitiveness the ruthlessness is it totally necessary? All totally about profit at any cost. If the profits fell by everyone being a little less stressed and a lot happier in their job, would it be such a bad thing? If health and well being were prioritised I’m sure the profits would naturally be up anyway. People would not need so many sick days for a start. I’m all for equal pay and opportunity but with love and tenderness thrown in the mix as well.
Yes Jane, I’m for all that you suggest!
‘Do men have to be so like men in these roles as well? The competitiveness the ruthlessness is it totally necessary?’ Some brilliant questions Kevin!
What an inspiring blog, Victoria. It feels so freeing when women are truly expressing and being all that they are with no hidden agendas other than to serve humanity. Your blog is written with such clarity and sincerity and expresses so confidently that everything becomes a possibility and reality when we honour who we are and what we can offer the world.
This is such an amazing blog and all the follow up comments are awesome and fascinating. Testament to the fact that so many of us know that the current structure is so deeply flawed. For me, the gold is within this line “the thought of doing what it might take to obtain and maintain a role in a high-stakes environment as it currently exists feels like a bad idea.” Raising the brilliant question that it’s the way we work that needs to change rather than balance of male/female leaders. You have started a fascinating and much needed conversation.
Fantastic article Victoria and I am loving the comments. I am learning and have seen that there are two ways you can manage a team, you can impose and inforce (usually with fear) or you can inspire and let authority flow naturally through you. This type of authority is clear, simple and powerfully loving with no extra effort required. I realise the first form of authority can pull out the stops with dirty tricks and manipulation leaving the body in a state of unease sometimes ending in an illness. Having the choice of which form to express ultimately effects our health and overall perception of life.
I love how you have said “or you can inspire and let authority flow naturally through you”. This is so true. I find how simply gracefully life flows when I allow this to happen.
I have been in hospitality management for over 18 yrs. I took 4 years out of it 6 years ago as I found that it was extremely demanding and as Annette said the owners are drawing blood from the stone and you’re the stone. I felt that it was impossible to be caring, loving and nurturing working in those environments.
Interestingly enough my management style was of ‘I am the boss and you need to do what I say’ so to speak. After my 4 years out I had time to look after myself and not work so hard. But after a while I came to realise that I was not living my full potential and that I am a natural leader. I returned to hospitality and as general manager I have a team that I work along side with, meeting them as individuals and listening to what they have to say, suggestions that they feel can better the business.
My approach this time round is completely different. I can feel some old ways sneaking in and they feel so out of place they stick out like a sore thumb. It happens to be a company like all companies that want to get as much out of the business as possible. Let’s be honest the reason you are in business is for it to be successful, but it doesn’t have to be in the way of disregarding your employees.
The way I work with head office is the same as if I am with my kitchen porter, honest, open and intimate – in the the sense I want to know how people are and what is going on. If there are demands that are unrealistic I will share my concerns and openly explain what I feel would be the issue. Sometimes we have gone with the request and trialled it – and more often than not they get to see where I was coming from and we make the changes that need to happen.
The team and I work on being harmonious and when things are out I call it and we sit down and work it out. I feel there is a way to be the Woman that I am and bring that to work without compromise and in that I inspire all around me. I’m not perfect and I am learning all the time but with this as my platform as you say Lucy the Sky is only the beginning. The other week I received flowers from head office in appreciation of the job that I have been doing – wow now that speaks volumes!
Wow Natalie! That speaks volumes indeed. How beautifully confirming.
Fabulous Natalie – the new way to be a leader….meeting people. Gorgeous and “confirming”, as Lucy wrote.
Awesome Natalie and great to hear your commitment to hospitality and bringing through the true change is amazing. Yes hospitality industry is very challenging and not for the light hearted, it is all about service and serving humanity. Working together with your team and respecting everyone equally is beautiful. I am also In Hospitality, we own and manage a hotel. You are true to one is in business to be successful, but it should never be at the expense of anyone. A true successful business is working together in truth.
When everyone works in harmony with love, respect, honesty, truth and expression, the energy in the business starts to change, true success starts to flow. It is very early days for us and we are still learning and unfolding, I can share in truth we have seen a small increase in business. We are constantly having staff turn over, those that are unable to connect to this energy and accept the love are moving on, others are joining. It’s been amazing to see the change and challenges to keep the business running in high changes. The key is building a true foundation and from that foundation moving forward. You are so right to say bringing the true women we are to our work without any compromise so we can inspire others around us.
Amita it is so true what you say ‘building a true foundation and from that foundation moving forward.’ without that you haven’t got the strength to support the business and yourself.
This is a great appreciation Natalie, it’s powerful to read of someone who is successfully being a manager without compromising the way they wish to be with people.
Yes I agree Jane. I am starting to understand and see that every person in an organisation is just as important as any other and that we are all there to support each other with not one person taking all of the responsibility. Senior managers I’ve often viewed at a distance as in above me, but life is showing me that actually they are people too who do feel stretched and they may find it difficult to talk with anyone about this – feeling that they just have to push on. I agree the old ways of viewing leadership no longer serve us.
This has been an amazing discussion with much food for thought, thank you.
It is interesting to read all the comments about how people have shied away from being leaders because of what it entails. I guess the fact is we need more people leading who can show a different way to lead.
Hi Victoria, I really enjoyed reading this blog as I can very much relate to what you are asking about if women really want these top positions. From my own experience, I was in a good job working for a large multi-national company and was offered a promotion as an account manager looking after one of the company’s largest (and demanding) customers and managing a million pound contract. All sounds great perhaps, but when I was approached I simply said ‘It’s not worth my marriage.’ I was 26 years old and I knew that taking on that sort of role would have been incredibly demanding on me, with long hours away from home so I turned it down then and there, and I feel there are many other women who feel the same.
Thank you Victoria for bringing such an important topic to light and all the responses and thoughts it has opened up to be expressed. A new loving and gentle way forward for all work and business at all levels right up to and starting from the top level, is much needed and called for in the world. The current health crisis growing dramatically will help with bringing light on how we work. Women choosing to not take on the high powered roles by choice of the compromises and disregard needed to perform in the way currently expected, does need to be exposed to help bring about the changes necessary to allow a true way of being in all aspects and work areas in the world.
Great Blog and you raise great points about effectively how the systems are set up to not take care of people and that’s something that needs to change for both women and men. Too many of both lose themselves in top roles and the thing is they’re then not bringing the essence of themselves there and it’s very much needed.
I so agree with you Monica, too many are getting lost in top roles and losing their essence of themselves.
I have really enjoyed reading this blog and everyone’s contribution to the topic. There have been some interesting comments about not only how women feel in the top roles but how men also feel. Is it possible that the more honest women get about why they are not taking up these roles, men will become more aware that how it is doesn’t mean it has to be the way it is?
This is a great question Victoria and one I have never asked myself. Coming from a small village I never considered anything much outside of it and as for qualifications, I disliked school and left as soon as I could and did not go on to further education, so with that equation I felt I had put myself out of the league of a high powered job. It is just something I never sought after and/or it never occurred to me that it was something I could do.
That has opened up lots to ponder, thank you.
This is a great discussion, thank you Victoria for opening it up.
Thanks Victoria – thought provoking and food for thought! It is true that to succeed many women take on a more male way of being and I did it myself – can also take a bit of undoing!!
What am interesting blog. This is a topic that I do not hear about very often and have even forgotten about. Thank you for sharing.
Men in top positions very often carry an arrogance and a ruthlessness that is seen as being essential to doing a “good job”. Not an approach I would say is effective or necessary but certainly the norm. It would seem natural that most woman don’t want to buy into this way of living, and certainly my experience of the women who do is that they also run with that hardness and male energy, living with drive, stress and high levels of anxiousness. Of course as Jane brings up, this hardness is not natural for men either but becomes a protective shield that is carried, almost as an expectation that this is the way things have to be. Of course when you make your work about people this way can be discarded and perhaps when we see this, more woman will become our natural leaders.
Stephen,I can completely relate to what you are sharing as I was one of these women who became really hard, competing with men to get into management so I had a lot of male energy and drive, high stress. I never realised how much I had hardened my body until I started to experience Universal Medicines healing modalities which allowed me to connect to my body and feel what was going on. I have recently been on a women’s healing programme for last 9 months and have noticed a tremendous change to my body and how softer it has become.
A brilliant take on this issue. Thank you, Victoria. It does seem that it is just assumed that women would want to be doing the same things as men, but just as you say, no one has asked women if they actually want to do those high powered/ high stress jobs, it does not seem that there has been the same questioning of men.
If asked to respond honestly whether they actually enjoy the environment they work in, I wonder how many would choose the same path?
I wonder if the disbelief from some that a woman would not want to be in that kind of job, is because men need to justify why they are choosing to live and work in the way they do.
Fantastic discussion and much needed. In more recent times, thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been taking myself to work with me, instead of putting on my work facade, and working in the gorgeous qualities I have innately in me as a glorious, tender, powerful woman. The response from my colleagues is that they have become more open, more understanding and more compassionate. However, I also know from my own experience as a manager in several organisations that I have felt the pressure of expectation from my bosses and yet I have recently come to realise that the expectation is what I have taken on and placed on myself – I have been trying to prove that I’m worthy of the position I have. This underlying lack of self-worth that plagues most women is, I feel, one of the main reasons why we don’t choose to step into higher level management positions more often. This lack of self-worth drives us to look outside of ourselves for both recognition and the confirmation that we’re doing a good job and yet we’re seeking this from a place which is hard, competitive and ruthless. Everyone loses because we give-up or join in and become what’s expected. I myself am inspired by the growing number of truly inspirational women I know who have also been inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine. They are showing that there is another way for women to be in these types of roles. I can feel there is much more to unfold here. Thank you Victoria for asking the question and thank you to everyone for your contributions.
I haven’t worked in a high profile job but I have worked most of my life with a year off to have a baby. I had a period of time where I was a working single mother of one. Yes, I worked because I had to provide for my family but there has always been a knowing, in fact a longing within to be able to work as well as have a balanced and loving family life. There is so much for me to express and share, it is like the love I have at home can be extended out to so many more people by being out in the workforce, no matter what the job.
I now work full time, have a very supportive husband and daughter. I would not compromise my well being for a job but I do feel that women can develop a rhythm that supports work/life harmony. We are so powerful and strong and if we claim this while bringing in our innate nurturing, our tenderness and preciousness then we can begin to change the way workplaces are.
I have loved the comments in this thread and appreciate how beautiful and inspiring we are as women to anyone we work alongside.
Victoria I really feel your article has gotten to the truth of the matter. It made me consider more deeply why is it that self-care has been abandoned by many women (and men) in the pursuit of these high-profile roles? I think we innately feel the soullessness of the upper echelons and feel big business is about money not people. It would be great to turn this around.
Thank you for pointing this out. I’ve always wondered why, and thought business needs to be hard and tough but you bring a lovely reflection to that. When thinking of women in business I immediately think they must be hard, aggressive and dominating – a reflection perhaps of how warped my thinking has become or just showing how all the men in high powered positions are. What a blessing to have true women in business and an amazing inspiration for all the men to realise they don’t have to go on in the way they have either.
David, it’s great that you have been open and honest about how you saw women in business. This definitely is an old belief that many men still believe and that needs to be exposed.
Victoria I love the way you have observed the situation and have reflected on the different aspects. I had not considered many of the points raised in the article and in the comments. Well worth reflecting on – why do women say no, and what if women did take on high powered roles while still valuing themselves and what they bring to the mix as women.
This feels amazing. Thank you for opening up this much needed discussion, Victoria. The true ‘why’ question has been avoided for too long as we have let excuses and propaganda superficially answer the conundrum. I have actively avoided leadership positions in all areas of my life, for some of the right reasons (knowing that the game being played does not serve humanity as a whole) and some of the wrong reasons (holding back from bringing to life the gifts I hold as a woman). Being an all-power-full woman, not in competition with men but supporting and inspiring them, will truly change the stubborn social structures we have at work, in social situations and within families. Thank you.
Hi Victoria, I would not like a high profile role “at the top”. I find if hard enough to stay with me in my usual corporate office job where my responsibility is minimal but lots of people above me dictate how I should and should not do almost everything I get paid to do. Imagine if you were the one at the top! Having said that, imagine if you were the one at the top and you were solid in your foundations and 100% dedicated and committed to yourself; imagine what an inspiration you could be to all those “under you”… Maybe this is something that will happen in the future as us ladies reclaim our natural power and shine our lights to such an extent that our natural loving power WILL BE what sets the standard in business for all to be inspired by. So rather than everyone living in non loving ways that do not support self or therefore business, self care in the work place could become the norm and hence business would thrive, love would thrive, all because of one connected woman, devoted to herself, at the top, inspiring everyone else.
Really great blog and really interesting how this topic continues to generate a greater momentum in the shift for greater work life balance, and more equal family leave as just a couple of recent (UK) examples.
We should support each other – managers to employees, employees to managers, men to women, women to men, to ensure we can all live in our truth and respect our individual rhythms. It’s only in this realised brotherhood will we ever get to behold the beauty that is working together to a combined goal no matter what your role or position.
I also love the fact that I get to work in an organisation that is deeply investing in making these changes. Good times lay before us, but hey we all know that, right.
Hi Victoria, I really love your piece, and I would just like to share my experience of being raised by a mother who did chose career over family life. First of all, as a role model my mother is an incredibly powerful and inspiring woman, and would take this to all her jobs, which meant quite often upsetting the very male dominated workplace she would be in, and often found herself having to work twice as hard as her colleagues putting in extremely long hours, after which she would then come home to me, and have to carry the tasks of motherhood alone. I have observed my mother time and time again enter into these highly stressful and at times aggressive situations, and never once could I understand why she was doing it. I used to blame myself, thinking she just didn’t want to be around me. But now, I am able to appreciate that this is who she is. If you put this woman in a field with sheep, she would have them organised in a straight line and uncompromisingly dedicated to their grass. This is who she is, and although motherhood was something she cherished, it was not enough, she had too much fight and drive in her to make it a priority. And I know that although she made a lot of mistakes, she has along the way also changed a lot of people’s lives, and I have the utmost of respect for her for taking on the challenge and staying true to where she was at during that stage of her life. She has now changed a great deal, but she is still out there calling out the truth as she sees it. The everlasting force of nature that she is.
This is such an awesome conversation. Thank you Victoria for starting it off and to everyone for your contributions. It feels to me the paradigm shift comes when we bring all of who we are as deeply nurturing, sacred, tender women to the ‘boardroom’. I’m in retail management and can feel a reluctance to go for more senior positions for all the reasons that have been discussed, but what just came to me, who am I to hold myself back from this for those reasons? If I do, nothing will change whereas if I honour all of who I am and take that to work with me who knows where we will get to? I have noticed a big shift in my colleagues both more senior and those who are part of my team – an openness and greater degree of compassion and understanding – by bringing myself to work with me. The sky is only the start!
Lucy this is great to read, I have shied away from the corporate world 10 years ago and have often been heard saying ‘I would hate to be a manager’. But now I am living more fully I can see that I have potential to work with staff as I have started my own business and can see how it will be a natural progression to employee people – with no management techniques in sight! Just me being me and equally working with a team of people. As with anything what I realised is that when you really met people equally they respond to you and the situation with all that they are, we naturally want to express and shine. So don’t hold back Lucy or any women, the world needs you in senior management in all your gorgeous feminine ways.
I love your comments Lucy and Vanessa. So needed for us all to hear, that we can be ourselves as beautiful, tender and sensitive, deeply loving women in senior positions. In reading your comments and writing this I feel that possibility opening up. Thank you.
Wow so simply put, Lucy and Vanessa, and what you have written totally debases the idea that you need years of experience to lead. Living with integrity, honesty and appreciation, working openly alongside everyone whatever our positions, and valuing everyone equally so…that is a pretty amazing start. Thank you.
So true Matilda. What your comment has reminded me of is that I have noticed that being in management is not about the training you’ve had it’s simply about how you respond to new situations you’ve never dealt with before. All of the managers I have worked with, and me too, are constantly making it up as we go along! This often comes down to experience yes, but also to the quality in which we live our lives. If we go into self-doubt and allow ourselves to become stressed and overwhelmed by the tasks in front of us then it is likely we will give up in the end and go for an easier life in a different job. If however we make life about the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves first and everyone we meet throughout our days, I have found that it builds inner-confidence – we have ourselves with us in every moment and so any decision we have to make, any situation we have to deal with, even if it is completely ‘out there’ is just the next thing to address and not a big deal. Sure, sometimes I still get overwhelmed but when I do I know I have got ahead of myself thinking about several things I have to do and not just the one I’m doing at that moment – and that I have chosen to opt out of my responsibilities by choosing to be overwhelmed for a while.
Hi Lucy. What you say is awesome. Why should we hold ourselves back out of fear that we will somehow be swallowed up? The world needs us. If we hold ourselves with integrity we can have a ripple effect without effectively ‘doing’ anything. I have noticed this in my work place, and I am heading towards a management role. How lucky are they?!
Indeed. How lucky are they Rebecca. The most powerful influence in any business does not necessarily come from the person receiving the fattest pay cheque. Competition is predominantly male dominated and your ‘worth’ is perceived in relation to the salary you get – but do not necessarily earn.
Lucy, what you have said here is so great, “it’s simply about how you respond to new situations you’ve never dealt with before.” I feel this is true for all of life’s challenges. Thank you.
This is very interesting. A few years ago I was asked by a senior manager to move into a higher grade post. At that time I said no as at the time I was focusing on self-care and enjoying the renewed rosiness I was feeling within. My immediate response, like you mentioned, was one of fear that if I was asked to do more I would be unable to hold onto that connection. More deeply though what I was more aware of is this: I did not want to deal with the backlash from my colleagues of being ‘handpicked’ and have to manage a team of people who might be nasty and difficult to work with as a result. It is very interesting in reflecting on this now as I recognise that self-care will be an ongoing process for the rest of my life, so will I stop passing up job opportunities because of this. Actually now a few years on and wiser I recognise that the way forward would be sustaining my connection and self-care even if I choose to rise through the ranks. I now have a trusted support network and know if I was experiencing difficulties within my team I would be able to speak with experienced people for support, as well as draw on the strength of skills within me.
Many of us have a lot to share and when we hold back in this way, the whole world suffers.
Thank you Shevon, you bring another element to what has been discussed in the article. Although there is often a hesitation because of the drive needed to reach the top, I can also very much relate to a hesitation born from holding back. But what you have so beautifully expressed is that the expression I decide to hold back has an affect, one I need to be responsible for.
Thank you for your article Victoria and for asking these questions to women. High profile roles in the workplace have never interested me, because I feel that I wouldn’t be able to be myself in these roles. From what I have noticed there doesn’t seem to be time or space for lightness, playfulness, compassion or love in these roles and so I feel that I would have to take on a persona at work.
I’m also a very sensitive, tender woman, I’m sensitive to the tone and the way people speak and from what I have noticed there can be a hardness in the way people communicate in these roles and so I sense my way of being wouldn’t fit into this.
When I left university I had this dream of being a career women. I had entered a career which was a very male environment, where there was 10 men to every female. So I knew at the outset that my job was harder to get into any management role. I was determine and driven and moved very quickly into a management role. To a surprise for a lot of people, I was liked by my clients and colleagues alike. I had reached my management dream within 7 years. This opened doors for me to work in the USA, this is when I realised what a cut throat industry IT was. The expectation they had of individuals was shocking. The lies and ways of moving up the corporate ladders being exposed just shook me. I knew very quickly that to stay at the top, how much I would have to lose and give up was not worth it. My body had become hard, my language was becoming very sharp and it felt all wrong in my body. My body was working on high stress, I couldn’t believe how much I was putting my body through, just to have a management career and high paying job. I knew that this was not the way to go. I soon left this career as I no longer could live these lies and started again from scratch in the beauty and health profession. Once I had changed and as years went by, I was able to reflect how driven and hard I had become. How lots of organs in my body had shut down functioning the way they should and this was just in 7 years of my IT career. It has taken me over 10 yrs to get my body back to a healthy state. It makes me wonder if I had continued on that IT path, would I have had a nervous breakdown by now and what physical state would I have been in, because that path definitely was not loving.
I love this article, because it raises a great question, and opportunity. I am still quite young, but know that although I enjoy challenge in my job, I wouldn’t want a high powered job, because of how, to me, it feels like to choose a job like that, you have to make it your life. Is it a possibility that men are good at this because they are raised to be the provider, and that’s why they are comfortable at the top? Really interesting, thank you.
Hi Jane, thanks for your marvellous comments.
I can very much relate to the first scenario you mentioned. I remember finding myself in a similar situation but made the decision to stay. I wish I hadn’t, as like you say, I toughened up in the process in order to ‘deal’ with it. Having made the investment in the decision to stay, my increased hardness meant I was unable to admit for a very long time that I was in fact in an abusive situation. Your decision to move on was possibly a great one – I wish now I had done the same, and waited until I had developed enough true confidence and awareness to move back into a similar setting.
And I’m so with you re the second situation you describe. Leadership and how it is conceived and enacted needs to be reconfigured. I too see CEOs crushed by the weight of their responsibilities and feeling as if they’re ‘going it alone’. Self-care and learning to work as a group are definitely the ways forward… Understanding we are all equal, that no one of us is more ‘special’ than the other: we just have different skill sets, different levels of responsibility and correspondingly different levels of pay.
Victoria, thanks for a great and super insightful article. I recognise much of what you say here about how a certain hardness and toughness is seen to be required for top positions for both men and women. I know I, in common with many women, have shyed away from many such roles but often in reaction and as a give up. I’ve recently started a new senior support role and it’s been a huge opportunity to re-imprint how I work – yes there is pressure but I am learning to speak up and so far there’s an openness but I am learning how not to compromise myself. It’s a massive learning and I’m very much in the starting of learning to claim and be the woman I am while working. This feels important as we learn to be more claimed as women in the world it feels like we will begin to address work and how we all work in all levels of organisations, both men and women. I love your contribution on how we support and re-imprint leadership, this feels like it’s part of a wider issue of how we work together as groups and how we value work. I feel that part of all this is seeing all contributions as equally valuable and that it’s about the quality you bring, not just the work you do. It feels like we’ll move eventually to a way where it’s first about the quality of energy and everything falls out of that and discussions like this are setting the stage for that way.
Thanks for sharing this Victoria, it has been most supportive to read and to reflect on my own feelings and experience as a woman in the workplace. I once considered myself more as a ‘worker ant’ than a woman capable of a ‘higher’ role. I thought that it suited me to be more of a ‘team player, a go to work/but don’t want to bring any stresses home with me’ kind of woman. In my occupations of customer service and nursing I have always watched, with interest, the differences between my male and female management. The women I observed appeared to be really pushing themselves to ‘be the role’ and at times would champion the fact that they could do more and more.. but at the same time I would watch their stress levels heighten and their health deteriorate. I observed the hardness they portrayed as they became the roles, like they didn’t need anyone’s help and were capable – to me it felt like a drive for the recognition of the role or to prove something.. However, I have recently been able to see the possibility of what a woman really can bring to the workplace, when she honours herself in full first, and for me personally I have been able to see that true leadership in a woman doesn’t have to be about a high or ‘powerful’ role but that when a woman is herself first – whatever the role, she brings an amazing inspiration and a feeling of togetherness that is so noticeable ..before the business side of things take place : )
Hi Cherise, what a great set of observations. I love that you have identified that leadership is not something exclusive to those couple of people in the top spots but something any woman (or man) in any role can embody. What an amazing equality this would bring to the workplace if this were the norm – no more ‘us and them’, just people doing different roles with different responsibilities.
Your note about the women you’ve seen not wanting anyone’s help also rings true. I know for myself not needing to prove I can ‘do it all’ is allowing me to easily delegate and share tasks with others. I am amazed at how hard I have made work for myself in the past, simply by holding on to the belief I needed to prove myself ‘capable’.
This is a great discussion. I agree that a woman, or a man, working anywhere in a business who works with integrity, self-care and awareness of colleagues will inspire all around them. This person can be the leader of the organisation regardless of title role and salary.
I love that Mary. Leading doesn’t always come from the front, and the fact that just being and expressing your divinity, can inspire others is just beautiful
Wow Amina, that is so awesome! From what I’ve observed and felt for myself, I think you’re spot on in describing how we can unravel when we take on positions of authority – and how this leads to the horrible ‘us and them’ mentality that then arises – the ‘shop floor’ and management divide.
And thank you for confirming what I noted in my response to Sheila’s comment above – you are perfectly placed to observe the women who come and go from your salon in the BBC. Media would be one of the most hardened of environments.
Throughout my entire working life there has alway been opportunities presented to me where I could work my way up into more high powered positions. I have always been reluctant for what was back then deemed by me and others as self confidence issues but was this really the case? In every situation I saw women advancing in their careers and them feeling forced to toughen up, harden and become more like men than even the men were. With the support and encouragement of my husband I did start to pursue positions that could have taken me to the top of that particular occupation but like you say I found it incredibly hostile, not only for women but for the men too, it was awful and my health suffered from the ridiculous amount of hours I put in. I love to work and have never seen myself as ever retiring from being in some type of service role. I do not have any children but have now opted for a front line customer service role even though I know I have the ability and would be very capable in the head manager role, so it’s certainly not a confidence issue. It just wouldn’t be worth subjecting myself to such a brutal environment.
Hi Suzanne, it sounds like you are one of the many women who have taken in the view from the top and made a conscious choice not to be a part of it. You know, I would love to see the kind of organisation that could evolve if a woman who was committed to staying true to herself took the lead. I think we’d have an entirely new model for doing business, and being women in business.
I too read the piece in the Australian Women’s Weekly and work with a team of researchers studying the issue of women on boards. I find myself asking many of the same questions about why women aren’t equally represented in the so-called ‘top’ positions. I know the research community is a long way from the true answers.
For myself, I could have completed my PhD and forged a sucessful career as an academic which would have looked something like this – PhD, Postdoctoral Fellow, Associate Professor, Professor, Head of Department/School, or held top consulting positions with organisations such as World Health Organisation etc. I have often wondered as Rachel mentioned whether I was not living my full potential but I had very strong impulses not to enter academia. As a PhD student I gained more undertanding of the tertiary education system and I also got to observe very closely my two female professors and fellow female students (who were on the academic path).
The system is one of intense competition – for funding, to achieve peer-reviewed publications, for career advancement, and on top of that you are required to teach as well, and supervise students (who of course bring in valuable money). If this was not enough to make my body cringe, I watched these women around me work incredibly long hours, their work always went home with them and it seemed every social event was also related to work. Most lived on caffeine, rushed lunches, and they were constantly on the go. While they were researching women’s health, their own suffered with constant colds, and at one stage a badly injured wrist.
Now I admit that there were attractions for me here – great salary, travel round the world to conferences etc but even though I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, the wisdom of my body said NO. I still work in a university, as I have for most of my working life, in a research support role where work stops for me when I leave my desk at the end of the day. I have the flexibility to support myself at work in the ways that I need to and I can generally set my own rhythm. For me, the so-called ‘top’ is only an illusion to keep us on a self-doubting merry go round.
Wow Michelle, thanks for the insights into the world of the ‘top job’ in academia, it sounds intense. I remember noticing when I went back to uni as a post-grad student how this same path was presented to me and my fellow students, and how seductive it was. But like you, I could see what it did to men and women both… most of my teachers were far from models of good health and vitality.
It’s reminding me of a trend I’ve noticed of late – climbing Mt Everest is now being taking up as a holiday option by men and women both. I recently heard of a woman in a high profile role who had just returned from such a trip a complete wreck. Why is it we’re so, so hard on ourselves? And when did scaling Mt Everest become a lifestyle choice? It feels like the ultimate championing of ambition, drive and self-abuse in order to prove something to ourselves and the world.
Hi Victoria, thank you for opening up such a great topic that I have often pondered on. Women can bring so much to the workplace but we have made it difficult for ourselves by trying to compete with the men rather than complementing them, and working together. I worked in the computer industry in the UK in the 80’s when Maggie Thatcher ruled. She opened up the possibility for women to work in a ‘man’s world’ but it came at a price. Looking back I can see that I had to harden and change who I was to cope with the demands of the job. Power dressing became the norm and driven by the possibility of earning a lot of money I conformed to what was expected based on how the men worked. I eventually left to set up my own business so that I could work the way that suited me. I can see now that I was running away from the problem that if I had truly valued myself and what I was bringing then I would not have left. The 80’s was about work hard, and play hard, and in that we lost what the true value of work was about. The 80’s and 90’s have set the scene for what we have today. Are we still trying to compete against the men, do we still feel we can do it as well as them if not better? Are we still driven by financial gain at a price to our health and wellbeing? I feel it is up to us to change the way we work. There are many women out there with so much experience and a wealth of knowledge, but do not want the job to become their whole life. The more women reclaim who they truly are the less they will feel they have to struggle to the demands of the job and reclaim their place within it.
Brilliant Alison, I so agree. It’s great that you’ve called out the ‘running away’ element in all of this. I also can’t help but feel the decision many women make to start their own businesses is in reaction to their inability to 1) deal with what’s on offer in the corporate world and 2) stay the course in terms of being true to themselves and effecting change that way. If I’m honest with myself, I know this reaction was a part of my decision to set up my own business. I love your observation that it is up to us to ‘reclaim who we truly are’.
And thinking about Margaret Thatcher and the 80’s, the recent, aptly-titled movie ‘Iron Lady’ offers a great close-up of a working life spent ‘out-manning’ the men. A huge price to pay, as you say Alison. I certainly didn’t feel inspired by the life she lead.
Victoria, I agree wholeheartedly that this issue needs to be explored and discussed from a different point of view. Why should we assume that women want to behave like “traditional men” who occupy roles of power? I have deliberately refused to apply for any jobs that would move me into the executive level because of the strong sense that I would not feel comfortable or enjoy being in a position of power. The sacrifices demanded of people in those roles are indeed brutal. Sacrificing your own life and health for the “good” of the organisations is expected; so what if you don’t sleep enough or eat properly or spend time with your loved ones, as long as you get the job done! Also, I have observed that women in power have a double role expected of them – they are supposed to adopt male patterns of communication and behaviour AND they are supposed to remain “feminine” while doing so. How crazy is that? The work culture that I was part of while living in the US was even worse. A female CEO I worked with and respected could justify screaming at her staff because she cared so much about everything being done “perfectly”. Here in Australia, it would be called workplace bullying but there we all excused her violent conduct as a sign of her devotion to the cause. Yet even before I encountered Universal Medicine, I knew that in my heart that she had sacrificed her true self (which popped out every so often as nurturing and gentle) in order to achieve the top level job in a male-dominated field. I do look back on that work experience as a great and sad illustration of what NOT to do in one’s career – no matter how noble the cause.
Hi Sheila, I too have seen lots of bad behaviours in the name of ‘the cause’ – in men and women. I think most of us wouldn’t naturally behave in those ways but can get easily caught up in what we perceive as workplace demands.
I also agree re the double demand of ‘act like a man, look like a woman’. However when you look past appearances, the ‘femininity’ many women in powerful positions sport doesn’t feel truly womanly: they tick all the boxes with wardrobe, makeup and hair, but can feel quite hard and cold. This then probably gives rise to the horrible comments sometimes made about women at the top – that they’re ‘bitches’ and ‘ice queens’. Either way, going along with the dominant, masculine energy of the world of the high powered role is probably a lose-lose situation!
Other than that, I love that you and others are so clear in saying you’ve considered a top job, and wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole – a clear indicator of what we seeing and feeling. I guess the next trick will be how to change the status quo so women feel OK about taking on positions of authority if they want to. Maybe we need to find ways to take on top roles and role model something new. Finding the right workplace environment would be one way; speaking up could be another.
Hi Victoria, I’ve always looked at, say birds, and compared their way of life to ours as human beings. It seemed to me that they had many freedoms and natural ways of being that humans lacked in their more “constructed” world. As I continued through life, going to university and worked up through the corporate world, higher management roles did not apeal. I left to work in my own, much smaller, consulting company and then left that to move to a small village to raise children. My goal is now to live simply, closer to the earth, to myself and to community. More like the birds, flying free. It seems a much more connected way of being and much more “real” although there are many who would not agree and many who think I was mad to give it all up. Corporate life, in many ways, is simple and I think that might be because people only present (or is it live) small portions of themselves while the rest of who they are lies neglected and forgotten. It was easy for me to be completely caught up in the importance of corporate life, but it only took a long weekend for me to know I never needed to go back to it and that I would never miss anything within it, because it was, and is, essentially an empty vessel.
Having said that, I love how sometimes people can get together and make things happen and serve community. This is truly beautiful and so different from how many corporations and organisations are run, perhaps because their goal to is not the making of money, but their service to community.
With love
Helen
Great perspective Helen! I agree it can be seemingly simpler (easier?) to live a corporate life in the sense it allows people to discount a fuller life. I remember seeing a Cherry Healey doco on work which featured a chap who was a self-confessed workaholic executive. I had the impression he was keen to avoid a fuller life and the responsibilities that come with that. In one telling segment he, Cherry and his (part-time) child went out for the day. Cherry ended up as de facto parent while he worked his portable devices in the cafe of the play centre. He was a man in the grip of ‘things that mattered more’.
I agree re community service – the potentials are beautiful and enormous – however having spent a number of years in that sector, I know it too is not without it’s issues. I see many managers and staff struggling with ill-health and stress. While it’s true profit is the lesser purpose (although a very necessary part of it, and very much so beyond the grassroots level), just as much drive and ambition is directed at serving the clients or fulfilling the mission as occurs in the corporate world… and for less pay. In many ways, I suspect it can be even more detrimental to well-being than a top job in the for profit world.
Loved the final paragraph, Helen, how wonderfull it would be if there was more service to the community present in the ethos of corporate business. And they would still make money!
Victoria, your article gives us much to consider.
The demands of many positions, not just the high powered ones, have become greater and greater for both men and women. Women are more naturally attuned to self-care and will, where possible, reject this imposition in their lives, whereas men soldier on and ‘carry the burden’ at great expense to their health, relationships and well-being.
Yet I feel the issue lies within the culture of business today. Rather than a competitive win/lose environment, business can be harmonious and about people over profits. Gradually companies will come to this realisation and then we will see a more caring and equal workplace where women take up more executive positions and the pressure on men to perform to ridiculous levels will ease.
I totally agree Rod, however I still feel it will be up to those women in top roles to change the way the game is played… I’m betting many feel locked into the system or have bought into it themselves… So perhaps what we really need are women who can consciously model a different way and are prepared to quietly but firmly challenge the status quo.
I wonder, is that more likely to happen where women have started the company themselves and built it up on their own terms rather than if they took employment with an already established company?
Rod I agree men are in the same position as women, men struggle to self care as they feel they have to stay strong and keep fighting on. I also agree the business culture has to change and I feel we all have already started this.
There are some great points made here. There is a lack of women in Snr roles, but many women as you say are opting out voluntarily. The key issue is time – you can’t do it all! Those feminists promised we could, they were wrong! If you don’t have an extremely suppotive partner who will literally carry half (hopefully more) of the load at home, or you can afford the home help needed, then your time can’t stretch to the work hours demanded by top exec roles. This magnifies when kids and healthy living get added to the mix. Want to eat well? Better get home by 6.30 to cook dinner. Which means either leaving work ‘early’ or comiting to do another few hours on the laptop after the kids are in bed, or in the early hours of the morning. Find a man who is happy for you to nod off to sleep every night at 8.30, and be working away every day by the time he wakes – good luck with that. Someone’s shedule will have to give when a child is sick or a chore needs to be done in the office hours – if you both agree to make it his then you can have that top job!
So true Kate, the world of the ‘top job’ as we currently know it is propped up in many instances by a partner behind the scenes, traditionally a woman. But do these roles need to be so time consuming? What if the responsibilities were shared, so no one person was disadvantaged by the burden of long hours and heavy decision-making responsibilities? It would take a whole new way of conceiving workplace hierarchies – but I’m sensing that’d be a good thing!
In answer to the question: have I ever thought about taking on a high-powered role? I say yes, very much. However, not on ‘their’ terms, in other words, the terms of the aggressive, competitive male world. I would require the freedom to be me, to express what is in me to further co-operation, integrity, efficiency, harmony, inclusiveness, responsibility, well-being and care of self, others, company and planet, in whatever workplace and role I chose. I’d want to burn away competition, aggression and stress with love, the shared group effort and the human value of every individual. I’d want to claim the right to truly meet and listen to every single person of the workers ‘below’ me, and include their wisdom in decision-making. And so on. But from what I have already seen of the women I have known personally in high-powered roles, the type of freedom I’d require is never available, no matter how much the woman might work to obtain it. The pressure against a high-powered woman being truly herself is far greater than against a man with similar ideas. What he says will be seen as ‘progressive, worth a look-in’, what she says will be seen as ‘that woman causing disruption’. So because I have not taken on a high-powered role in any organization, I say a resounding “Their loss!”
I love your vision Dianne! And it is more than “their loss” – it’s to everyone’s detriment. Maybe we need to start speaking up about what’s not right pronto, and start making some quiet noise in our workplaces so we can begin to effect change.
Yes Victoria, we need to express ourselves in whatever work we are in, and not run away from our commitment to that no matter what’s “goin’ down” that isn’t right, and expose it. 17 years ago during my uni research days I turned down an offer of a 3-level promotion (an unheard-of jump) from the bio lab bench to senior uni admin. It was a great compliment to be offered it as it represented an incredible acknowledgment of my contribution and abilities, but I smelled a cage. I imagined I would have been beating my head against a brick wall trying to bring my values into the work when there was so much force against it. I felt I’d be wasted, so did not do it. Instead I went off to India for 4 months to use up my long-service leave, then moved to another state and another university. I learned and grew enormously in India, and that choice was a good one. NOW though, with all I have learned and how I have changed since, much more confident and assertive, much less attached and emotional, and most of all knowing the power of love, stillness and connection, I WOULD take up a promotion offer like that if I were in a position to be offered one. I would not “run away” or stay silent any more. Of course, unless it were a particularly ‘forward-thinking” corporation, I’d probably be attacked and kicked out for exposing the truth!
Dianne I feel inspired reading how you would respond if you were in a high-powered position. The world would do well with people of such quality in high-powers. Humanity would be blessed by it.
Thank you Golnaz for your comment – I am in total agreement.
Somehow Golnaz every now and again I ‘see’ myself in a senior role in my ‘mind’s eye’. It’s not because I set out to think about it, but it can come in any situation where I feel that an authority with a different way is needed and that I, as I am, would be able to serve in that way. Perhaps one day I will in fact be in a senior position, though I doubt it will be in a ‘normal’ company as they are at present!
This is great Victoria. This question needs to be deeply explored. The lack of women in high powered positions has been perceived as a failure of women, and never examined from the point of view that there may be something deeply flawed “at the top”. What if this were explored from the perspective that women, with their innate wisdom, are simply not wanting to enter such a crushing realm?
I have avoided what we call “career advancement”. My marks on graduation indicated that specialisation or a research career was highly possible. I chose to stay in general dental practice. I have colleagues who have perceived this as failure…I have not. I love general practice with all of its rigours, and its great opportunity to be with a wide variety of people. It used to hurt when people told me I was not living to my full potential. What they did not understand, and what I am now learning to appreciate is that there is deeper potential to be explored, and it is not necessarily found in more degrees, or in a boardroom.
Your words feel so beautiful Rachel, I can sense the deep satisfaction you have simply doing what you’re doing, with no need to prove anything or be seen a certain way. One day I would love to see a world where all roles are considered equal, whether we’re in a so-called ‘top role’ or not. Really, once you strip the ‘glamour’ from career, we are all doing work of equal value – just with varying skill sets and and responsibilities.
I love how Rachel has turned it around, it is not that we women are incapable and seen as a failure on our part, but that it is flawed “at the top”. I know I have shied away from career advancements because of what is expected, but I can also see there is a balance because I have also not claimed and taken responsibility for myself in those situations. It will take a little while to change what we have allowed by becoming hard and conforming to the expectations that are put on ‘high powered jobs’ but I do feel there is a shift in the work place, but it comes from us first.
Thank you Victoria for posing the questions, while I do not feel I am ready to take on a high powered role I feel I am ready to take on more responsibility in my work.
I would also love to see a world where all roles are considered equal. Because we are all doing work of equal value.
That is so true Rachel. We have been raised to measure our potential by what we have achieved, what our ambitions are, what we own, rather than by who we are and how we live each day and how healthy and joyful we are. What a blessing it is when one meets a person who is full of true joy and vitality, someone who is living from their true potential. Our understanding is slowly changing and I know that all your dental patients will be receiving a truly caring service from you and that, in my book, is you living and expressing your true potential.
Jane I completely resonate with this, I have never felt so content in my own working life than I do now. I love it all.
This is brilliant Victoria, I love your analytical approach and breakdown of this issue, to address it from all angles; as with medicine, so too in business, are the right questions being asked to produce the truth of the situation?
I spent a number of years Managing a top-rated Sydney Restaurant, I loved the job, I loved the work and the discipline it required, the team building and motivating, however, I did not love the abuse, and the “get blood out of a stone” expectation the owners had of me, my body did not enjoy that.
This is not the sort of high powered role you are necessarily referring to, however since that experience I have been approached on a number of occasions to take on a Management role at the Restaurants I have since worked at. I have declined due to the nature of the industry, and the assertion that you will do whatever is required, regardless of your home life and your health and well-being.
My home life, health, and well-being are my top priorities now, and I know I can offer a greater contribution to a team if I am living well, I don’t need to be ‘The Boss’.
I love that you knew what was right for you Annette, and didn’t have to drag yourself backwards through the hedge again! I suspect many of us (and I know I did) put ourselves through that kind of abuse again and again – until we ‘get it’. This usually means a health or family crisis serious enough to make us stop. Perhaps one day we will be able to take on ‘top jobs’ wherever they appear, without having to sacrifice the other aspects of our lives.
Excellent points you make Annette, especially that you can make more of a contribution to a workplace by living well than by being in charge. What an amazing paradigm shift too!
That sums up so much, and I am now off to work to celebrate exactly what I offer my team.
Fantastic pick-up Felicity, of Annette’s last point. You’re right, it’s far more impact-ful to be a staff member who is noticeably living well and working harmoniously than an unhealthy, stressed out boss!
Now that is something to appreciate: we do not need an identifiable role to make a difference; we can have more of an impact by living well and demonstrating a balance in life that is sustainable and joy-full.
Beautiful article and I agree that, by living well and working harmoniously, what a great contribution it makes to the work place and everywhere and especially with oneself. This can be felt by all as a great reflection, no matter what you do, and brings a great joy to life.
Beautifully expressed, Annette. It is also for us men to choose, “My home life, health, and well-being are my top priorities now, and I know I can offer a greater contribution to a team if I am living well, I don’t need to be ‘The Boss’.” We all need to work as a team, in brotherhood and then there is no need for ‘ A Boss’ was such.
I fully agree fully with you Jonathan, I have been the boss in their world… and now I am looking for a new job that supports me.
This is lovely Annette that your home-life, health and well-being are your top priorities now, very inspiring.
Yes Annette and Matilda, ‘we can have more of an impact by living well and demonstrating a balance in life that is sustainable and joy-full.’ This provides such a beautiful reflection to those around us, and they become aware that there is another way to be in life.