A Smile for Love? How we Learn to Leave Ourselves

by Lee Green, Perth

As a baby we are without doubt at our most vulnerable. We have nothing to do but just be the baby that we are. We are moved, fed, bathed, clothed and loved for being this small bundle of a person. There is no pressure here, no dance to perform, no getting it right or wrong – it is just who we are and where we are at.

Soon though, that ‘just being’ is ever so slightly disrupted. We become aware that mouths move at us, wanting us to perform in some way. In an instant it goes from “Look, he is smiling…” to “Come on, smile, come on, smile for mummy, for daddy”. So here it is, the first choice ­– stay with just being, or start doing what is asked for.

I wonder how many of us click here, realising that when we ‘do’ stuff, we get stuff back. Smile and I get a smile, or a laugh, or a look that says LOVE, rather than that love I first felt, that was so warm and yummy, that asked nothing of me. I had to ‘do’ nothing for it!

What is going on?

All of a sudden I don’t get love unless I smile?

Something is not right!

Then the real stuff starts: “Come on, hold it” and “Hold the spoon” and “Feed yourself” – all for a LOVE I first got for just BEING.

There is something amiss.

We change ourselves from this lovely being into a circus performer, doing tricks for a perceived love that wants us to fit into the same box that everyone else is in.

For what? Is it so the people asking us to ‘do’ can feel more comfortable? Is it because in this exchange they don’t have to feel the love they left behind when they chose to play ball with this perceived love?

Is it possible that we all deeply know true love?

When a baby is born there is no imposition, no need, just a being-ness felt by all. How powerful, that a baby can reunite us with that love that we all know – a window back to where we are from. How do we handle this?

Do we let it be or, because we left that love within us and started to perform for ‘love’, do we go about teaching our children how to leave it too? We speak of the hurt and pain in the world, yet how painful is the realisation that we, as humanity, go out of our way to separate another from their true love?

How painful is it that in order to get ‘love’ we have to do, or perform; shape-shifting the love we already are so that we are not recognisable. We get pushed, pulled, torn, twisted and broken in the process. The hurt this leaves becomes the part we live from and desperately attempt to make better for the rest of our lives.

Truly, what is going on?

I was 35 years of age when alcohol, drugs, over-work and chasing material salvation brought me to a stop and made me look at the fact that the life I was living was not ‘it’. It was not loving or caring on many levels. I was making choices that were really band aids to mask and melt away the pain of the hurt of me not being ME; of not being a man in the true sense of that word; of being alone.

So I began to uncover the lovely man I am – naturally so, within my relationships at home and with colleagues and friends. It is a work in progress and it happens with the support of Universal Medicine and the inner knowing that I was a beautiful baby and I am now a beautiful man. It happens because I choose to let me be without needing to perform. I am coming back to that original love, the warmth I knew as a baby for being just me, scrummy yummy all of me.

Now that’s a choice worth smiling at.

801 thoughts on “A Smile for Love? How we Learn to Leave Ourselves

  1. We develop a need for outside approval that is not there when we first come into the world. Its a learnt behaviour that can often produce fake smiles. A genuine smile that comes from within can’t be faked.

  2. What a profound re-claiming of yourself Lee.
    “It is a work in progress and it happens with the support of Universal Medicine and the inner knowing that I was a beautiful baby and I am now a beautiful man”.

  3. As I read this I could feel the difference between when you are with a baby and just connecting and playing with them and they light up and smile and the joy that is felt in that moment and the difference between when someone walks up to a baby and makes faces at them etc to try and entice a smile. In this you feel the difference in quality- one from true connection and one from need and imposition.

  4. We live in a world where just being ourselves is considered not enough. The whole world is built from this constant movement of creation which requires relentless ‘doings’ to sustain itself. When we all rediscover the beauty and magnificence by and in just being ourselves, and that we are enough already, that we are love, this entire set-up will cease to exist. No wonder we keep teaching our children how to leave that love.

  5. Just being is unacceptable for the just doers. They reject it in themselves and hence in others. At some point all of us are forced to align to their way and go from there until we naturalize it as our way; a way that in truth has never been and will never be our way.

    1. Are we forced or is it a choice? Granted, it’s quite challenging to go against what the majority are doing and let ourselves be, but it is not impossible, and we always have a choice.

  6. Lee when I walk into the room where my daughter is sleeping you can feel the incredible warmth and love that she emanates, she is not doing anything just being. It touched me deeply this morning and reading your blogs makes me reflect on how much we appreciate this ‘being’ quality in all of us or if we make it about our eyes only.

  7. When I see someone move in the grace and love that they are, I get to equally feel my own love in the same moment, truly beautiful to feel another’s reflection.

  8. How beautiful it is when we live the truth and love we all naturally are, what a blessing everyone receives when all our movements reflect this quality.

    1. Absolutely we can understand the bigger picture the reflection we offer others through our movement, then we can feel the true power of living our truth and love that we are here to live.

  9. This blog is so exposing to what society goes into when they are around babies. What these tiny little beings are offering is a reflection of stillness, joy and beingness, all things that deep down we innately know. If we are in action mode and trying mode, not to mention coaxing the baby into doing mode, it must be our way of rejecting this strong reflection, as we are too busy to feel anything at all!

    1. So true Sarah and what babies offer us is that they don’t play ball with all the games that adults can be drawn into to please one another and want to fit in.

  10. Serge Benhayon was the first person I ever met who does not impose at all and that was incredibly healing and also very shocking because to see that being lived exposed just how much we all impose on each other and ourselves as you have so well described.

  11. “Do we let it be or, because we left that love within us and started to perform for ‘love’, do we go about teaching our children how to leave it too? ” If we let ourselves feel the love a baby emanates, and let it in, it will reignite/reawaken the love within us too and inspire us to live this, instead of trying to teach our children to diminish themselves to fit in.

  12. When I leave this connection with me, this inner sense of who I am, then all sorts of routines come in to bolster my good feeling. But before you know it, I am like a packhorse becoming strained with what I do, getting heavy under the load and frazzled in my temperament. This is a marathon we cannot win and a weight we need not bear. As you delicately show Lee all we need to do is return to being Love, to knowing and feeling we are enough.

    1. Yes indeed and shutting down our internal critic is a great first step for this character keeps undermining us and makes us question our self worth. Then seeing how many ways we can find of appreciating ourselves. This is a work in progress but I can already tell that it works.

  13. Imagine if all the love songs written, were simply about, returning to love, returning to being love, and knowing that this is our true nature… What a different experience this will be for everyone.

  14. A divine choice with universal backing, support, guidance, truth, joy and love all this and so much more if we simple choose this.

  15. Absolutely a choice that is worth smiling at… as how can it be loving when we are leaving ourselves behind. Leaving our love behind for a so called receiving love, is no love at all.

  16. One of the ways to deal with a demand to ‘smile’ is to connect to the person demanding first, creating a small pause.

    1. I really love what you have suggested here Christoph, as it does not push the other person away in rejection or protection, but allows the other person who is demanding to get a loving reflection and the pause provides that space for the demanding person to feel that their actions are not honouring of the beingness that Lee described in this blog.

  17. If we had not left our own beingness and continued to feel and sense our way through life, we would feel the reflection the baby offers us to ‘just be’ – and confirm it rather than insist it play the people pleasing game. It seems the moment we choose to seek love in others we are lost, for we had it within ourselves – in abundance all along.

  18. It is all a set up and we all fall into it. Rather than feeling what is true we adopt the setup that was planned to entrap us in everything that is untrue. We all have been choosing the lie over the truth for a very long time. But now is the time for us to see clearly that this has never worked and that we are responsible for the choices we make.

  19. It is amazing how quickly babies learn to play ball and want to please knowing that this is what parents and grand parents want. Babies can feel energy and they can feel that if they please there is less pressure or expectation on them….smile and everything in life will be fine, and for many they continue this throughout their adult life.

  20. “Smile and I get a smile, or a laugh, or a look that says LOVE, rather than that love I first felt, that was so warm and yummy, that asked nothing of me. I had to ‘do’ nothing for it!” I can feel a deep sadness on reading this. It is the initial choice we have all made to leave ourselves and go out to seek the love that was always there in the first place. The irony is we then spend the rest of our lives trying to feel it again – but we do this by thinking it’s to be found in others, or something we do etc. Serge Benhayon has through his living of the Ancient Wisdom, The Way of the Livingness, shown me and so many others that the love we seek is within us all – that there is no need to look outside for it is to be found in reconnecting to and deepening our relationship with ourselves.

  21. Whenever I have held a baby I too have been held by the love emanating from them. It is the most precious feeling in the world for it is a reminder of the love that is within us too.

  22. You have me pondering the fact that most of human life is a performance played out for the benefit of others in disconnection to ourselves. What a strange choice humanity has made. As I make my way back from lifetimes of living this way it helps to remind myself that I was already ‘it’, even before I was born.

  23. We are so conditioned, as Lee writes, right from the start… So imagine, being able to reconfigure ourselves, to be able to let go of this conditioning… Some pipe dream? No it is not. This is available to every single person on the planet.

  24. Smiling from our deep connection with ourselves has the power to melt hearts and feels ‘scrummy yummy’ as Lee so beautifully shares.

  25. I too was around 36yrs old when I realise the way I was living was driving me into the ground, the hurts that were buried was destroying me. This is when I turned to Universal Medicine for support and today at 45yrs old my life has transformed, I love my life and dealt with all my buried hurts. I already live a very full and vibrant life, this is still just unfolding, just the beginning.

    1. I really love your comment because it reminds me that anything laced with the need of being accepted doesn’t light up the Soul. Instead it flattens life into existence which is a much reduced version of who we are, and we feel it.

  26. Yes, Lee, we spend so much time, energy and money looking outside of ourselves to ‘fix’ our problems when it simply is a matter of connecting back to our inner spark or essence, as abandoning this is what hurt us in the first place.

  27. This is truly wonderful to read. I started with feeling the pain of not being but going all out for doing and judging myself for results that could never satisfy – I must be doing it wrong, or I was wrong and stupid. I was to please others because it felt like my life depended on it. I was angry with myself and the world and those closest to me, a ball of emotions from early on because it all felt so wrong and I couldn’t escape. I became an expert of life in a dysfunctional way. I put myself second to everyone and everything when with people but retreated often, so I could have ‘my time’ and ‘reward’ myself with indulgent food, TV and didn’t look after myself despite knowing it all had an impact on all that I did.

    The same could be said of me today but to a lesser extent. But I’m letting my guard down and, instead of choosing tried and tested old ways of doing things to get known results – I am choosing being open to trusting I am held in the quality of being and not trying to control or know what things will look like. I often find this scary but my old ways cause ill health. I’m starting to be open to the possibility that all those years of doing what I thought it took to survive may have been completely unnecessary.

  28. Once we are on ‘the need for recognition’ cycle we are lost as what follows is expectations and disappointments, judgements of right and wrong, and all sort of emotions – happy, sad, angry, frustrated and all the highs and the lows. A much more sustaining way to be is to stay true to who we are and to do this we need to connect to our essence and know ourselves from there rather than be identified from what is fed to us from the outside.

  29. ‘We change ourselves from this lovely being into a circus performer, doing tricks for a perceived love that wants us to fit into the same box that everyone else is in.’ – This is so true Lee, and is incredibly silly how parents fall into this pattern of needing their children to do things for the love that they wish they had been given unconditionally as a baby themselves. It’s almost as if the pain of facing that is too much and it is easier to just follow the same pattern as their own parents. However, I never liked it when either my parents or others did things like telling their kids to pose a certain way while having their picture taken and am noticing how I may do a similar thing with my own daughter to a lesser degree but with the same consequences.

  30. As a child we should simply be loved without any expectation of us doing anything. If only we were allowed to develop at our own pace without being set up to perform for parents and others, we would be laying a foundation that would serve the child later in the education system. I would far rather a child who knows who he is than a child that is trying to please.

  31. This does make me wonder what it would be like if as a baby we did choose remain connected in the being of the love we are. Perhaps it would challenge adults expectations of us because after all whilst being the love we are we are very very true and hence would not smile unless we truly felt to. Not even for a spurt of “love” from outside us.

  32. It can take a long time to free ourselves from the performing behaviours that have become so ingrained in us. Being polite and nice can carry this kind of imprint too. How liberating and fulfilling of ourselves though as we reclaim who we really are without the influence of this self programming.

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