A Smile for Love? How we Learn to Leave Ourselves

by Lee Green, Perth

As a baby we are without doubt at our most vulnerable. We have nothing to do but just be the baby that we are. We are moved, fed, bathed, clothed and loved for being this small bundle of a person. There is no pressure here, no dance to perform, no getting it right or wrong – it is just who we are and where we are at.

Soon though, that ‘just being’ is ever so slightly disrupted. We become aware that mouths move at us, wanting us to perform in some way. In an instant it goes from “Look, he is smiling…” to “Come on, smile, come on, smile for mummy, for daddy”. So here it is, the first choice ­– stay with just being, or start doing what is asked for.

I wonder how many of us click here, realising that when we ‘do’ stuff, we get stuff back. Smile and I get a smile, or a laugh, or a look that says LOVE, rather than that love I first felt, that was so warm and yummy, that asked nothing of me. I had to ‘do’ nothing for it!

What is going on?

All of a sudden I don’t get love unless I smile?

Something is not right!

Then the real stuff starts: “Come on, hold it” and “Hold the spoon” and “Feed yourself” – all for a LOVE I first got for just BEING.

There is something amiss.

We change ourselves from this lovely being into a circus performer, doing tricks for a perceived love that wants us to fit into the same box that everyone else is in.

For what? Is it so the people asking us to ‘do’ can feel more comfortable? Is it because in this exchange they don’t have to feel the love they left behind when they chose to play ball with this perceived love?

Is it possible that we all deeply know true love?

When a baby is born there is no imposition, no need, just a being-ness felt by all. How powerful, that a baby can reunite us with that love that we all know – a window back to where we are from. How do we handle this?

Do we let it be or, because we left that love within us and started to perform for ‘love’, do we go about teaching our children how to leave it too? We speak of the hurt and pain in the world, yet how painful is the realisation that we, as humanity, go out of our way to separate another from their true love?

How painful is it that in order to get ‘love’ we have to do, or perform; shape-shifting the love we already are so that we are not recognisable. We get pushed, pulled, torn, twisted and broken in the process. The hurt this leaves becomes the part we live from and desperately attempt to make better for the rest of our lives.

Truly, what is going on?

I was 35 years of age when alcohol, drugs, over-work and chasing material salvation brought me to a stop and made me look at the fact that the life I was living was not ‘it’. It was not loving or caring on many levels. I was making choices that were really band aids to mask and melt away the pain of the hurt of me not being ME; of not being a man in the true sense of that word; of being alone.

So I began to uncover the lovely man I am – naturally so, within my relationships at home and with colleagues and friends. It is a work in progress and it happens with the support of Universal Medicine and the inner knowing that I was a beautiful baby and I am now a beautiful man. It happens because I choose to let me be without needing to perform. I am coming back to that original love, the warmth I knew as a baby for being just me, scrummy yummy all of me.

Now that’s a choice worth smiling at.

909 thoughts on “A Smile for Love? How we Learn to Leave Ourselves

  1. Coming back to read this sharing bring me back to the fact that we all are this beauty-full, all knowing, warmth and delicate being…no matter how far we have been living from this truth, we are this preciousness, now and forever.

  2. The repose of a child’s reflection is greatly uncomfortable for those who are far from it. In front of that, we can impose our stuff on them to avoid and suppress that reflection or receive it as a reminder of where we come from.

  3. “So here it is, the first choice ­– stay with just being, or start doing what is asked for.” I have been exploring this and how much I still think I have to do something for others, when all I need is just to be myself. Doing for others permeates so much of life, from family, work, relationships, charity and volunteering, etc, we have devalued our innate selves so much that we have created a world of roles to fit into. Being without our true selves can feel like such an emptiness that we can try to fill the void we feel with the busyness of ‘doing’, and we are often seeking that false love of recognition in everything we do, without realising the true love we are looking for is actually within ourselves.

  4. There is definitely something amiss here, we are born with natural self love and abundance of self appreciation and then through societies impositions we choose to turn away from the best gift we could ever give ourselves.

  5. And who’s fault is this? The answer is all of us, as we as humanity and as a society we have seen it go on but have chosen not to call it out for the abuse it is.

  6. That’s very interesting – how does simply just being stop being enough to be loved? Of course we have to learn skills for life as we grow up, but surely it does not have to be in exchange for losing ourselves – and I agree, finding a way to do life while being ourselves in full is very much worth a huge smile.

  7. Learning to perform for others so that we gratify what they are seeking fulfils us back in some way… but we don’t realise that every time we people please we leave ourselves which has a great impact on every part of our life and the way we express.

  8. ‘There is something amiss.’ There certainly is something amiss. If we are not seen for the glorious beings that we are then is it really no wonder that we feel not enough when we are not doing something to impress? But what if we stopped long enough to feel the beauty that is quietly there when we stop all the busy-ness?

  9. I used to question why we love babies so much, where does that connection between a mother and her baby come from? There was no physical explanation ever given to me, the answers were always “it just is and you can’t change it”. Coming to understand the matter of energy, that energy is underneath everything this connection makes sense that the empty space between a mother and a child is not actually empty, it is filled with energy and the energy can be unifying, loving and all encompassing – where the love is pure, untainted and precious.

  10. Lee you have well encapsulated what we do to babies and what was done to ourselves when we were that age, and our parents, their parents etc., etc., Surely it’s time to break the cycle, surely there is enough evidence to see that the way we live life isn’t working.

  11. I’ve recently worked with groups of men and had the great privilege of witnessing them in their true essence. This is truly remarkable, for one who was taught ‘to not trust men.” once this filter was removed I saw and felt what was always there, beautiful, sensitive, gentle men.

  12. ‘…to perform for ‘love’, …’ performing for love doesn’t feel true at all. We lose our connection to love and go for whatever is the next best thing which isn’t love at all and I know I set off on a very dark road indeed.

  13. Love the scummy yummy-ness of all of me you describe Lee, and may I add that as a baby we are completely Humble in our Love that is equal for everyone who chooses their essence.

  14. It is crazy that we have to relearn to be ourselves but very logically when we look at the world and the way of life we have created where everything is geared towards being someone but yourself.

  15. We have been trained from birth to be a puppet and to act unnaturally to the point where we get uncomfortable if someone is truly being themselves without worrying about what others may or may not think of them.

    1. Great comment Julie, it’s bizarre what we consider normal, even though we are no where near our natural way of being – which we can then fight or reject when it’s presented to us.

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