Equalness and Being a Man

by Lee Green, humbled man, Perth

I am a man and am piecing together what it truly is to be me. This process is fascinating and akin to dipping my toe in the water – unsure about the ‘water temperature’ but knowing I want to swim. The amazing thing is that each time I dip my toe in, a little more of me feels a little more confident – then something else is presented. At this time, it is ‘equalness’… the equalness between men and women.

What is this ‘equalness’? I have only just realised that my mouth has been saying all the right things and my gestures portray a tolerance of this equalness, and yet there is no depth to it. It doesn’t feel real. It actually feels a bit like an old, heavy coat, passed down from generation to generation to show ‘our women folk’ that they are considered and held dear. And yet, as I sit with this coat on, it still feels empty and not at all equal.

So what is the payoff? Is it there to protect us from something? The pride of a man, protected by an old, heavy coat… The possibility that the man has strayed ‘oh so far from his true way’ or ‘lost his true way’, that the coat now acts as a security blanket?! Just in case anyone should find out that I am just playing a ‘role’ and am hiding my true self from the world – a tender and loving self.

The coat prevents us from stopping and saying, “You know what? This has been happening in our house, in our home, for too long… It feels wrong and I cannot keep up with the falseness any longer. I am a man who is finding my way back, and yet in that return I am still doggedly holding on to the fact that I must be stronger, earn more, be looked after, taken care of, held when I want, have sex when I want, do my hobby, mope and moan, and act like a little boy… Our terms are always so selfish, aren’t they?”


“It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”

“Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.”

“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.”


Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am.

And I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me. The women I live with are so patient, loving and amazing. Yes, extremely patient. And I am very appreciative.

353 thoughts on “Equalness and Being a Man

  1. Lee thank goodness there are more and more men such as yourself out there in the world thanks to the reflection of Serge Benhayon who lives in such a way that allows men to see that it is okay to be sensitive and caring towards themselves and women and children. It is so needed as I was sitting with a group of men and when men get together I have noticed they seem to pitch themselves against each other. It was like being with a group of Gladiators in full armour there were no swords or shields but the banter was as sharp and as devastating as any sword. We use words now to cut each other down not swords but at least when using a sword you can see you have been slashed open and wounded however with words you cannot see the wound but the effect was still the same. why do we do this to ourselves and each other what’s the point of it all. Does one-upmanship get us anywhere …no.

  2. It’s so supportive to have a person in our life that does see the true person, the true essence of who we are, even when we ourselves separate from our essence and don some kind of outer ‘coat’.

  3. I can feel how I as a woman was demanding the old coat be changed, not even considering the possibility that I had a part to play in making sure it is warm enough and no coat is needed.

  4. “I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me.” It is only by uniting can we regain our true self and then we can have equality.

  5. Honest and beautifull allowing yourself to feel all that is you and all that is not you. And yes ‘no man is an island’ and our development is definitely intertwined with those around us.

  6. Lee I feel that both men and women wear the coat you describe so well
    “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
    It seems to me we are held down by a consciousness that doesn’t want any of us to wake up and realise who we truly are we are all like puppets on a string that is being pulled by an as yet unseen master. I feel this consciousness holds us down through our movements. We need to change the way we move to break free of this domination. But first comes the realisation that we are held down and back from who we truly are.

  7. As our true reflection flashes before our eyes we need to understand that is all anyone needs, as our True-Refection is the greatest gift we can give. Thank you Lee, and may I share that the deep-humble-appreciate-ness we have for each other is part of any True Reflection.

    1. gregbarnes888what what is so beautiful is that we can all reflect back to one another the grandness we come from. I met someone recently and had to take a double take, the last time I had seen them they were quite down as they were going through a lot. When I saw them again several weeks later they were moving in all their grace and magnificence and it was stunning to feel. It was as though they had suddenly switched on their light for everyone to see and the pull up was immense.

  8. I love how you describe all that we take on as a coat as it shows that we have a choice to wear it or leave it.

  9. What are our payoffs for those things we hang onto and when they do exist (the payoffs that is) are they really worth it and what is their impact on us and others … this questioning really allows us to unravel how we are and what we’ve taken on and how in fact it’s not who we are or doesn’t serve us or another.

    1. monicag2 what is it going to take for us to let go of all the things that are not working and have never worked but as you say we hang onto them hoping if we hang on long enough things will work out, just given a bit more ‘time’. How long have we all be holding out for love that when it comes we don’t quite believe it, we are so starved of true love that we would rather hang on to the threads of what we have even though we know its not working than take the risk to let love in again and have it snatched away as we put out our arms to embrace it.

  10. I love how you put the words in your amazing blog Lee. It is so easy to understand what you have so honestly shared even if some of us do not want to understand it it will move under your skin!

  11. I have been feeling recently just how much selfishness is there in my life and what a heavy coat it is to wear. Taking responsibility for our own life and choices and the impact these have on the world around us does make a big difference.

  12. A beautiful sharing Lee, I can relate to the old coat, as I have had my own garment that I no longer want to wear, some days it does not exist but other days it seems to be me. “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”

  13. Beautiful Lee, it is indeed a very worn and old coat and it causes more pain then what it shields men from. Thank you for this very important sharing in a time where men are finding it more and more challenging to be who they truly are.

  14. “No man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me. The women I live with are so patient, loving and amazing. Yes, extremely patient. And I am very appreciative” – this is very beautiful. Equalness cannot be achieved just by only one part making change while the other part demands the change. And what I can feel is how I have often mistaken this demand as claiming my power while avoiding to look at how we ended up where we ended up and how I contributed to that, justifying my position of lesser.

  15. Pride can exude an arrogance that caps our potential immediately and is therefore something we all need to observe for.

  16. Tolerance (ie. tolerating equality that you mention Lee) still holds the other in judgement. For in tolerating something we are saying “I don’t agree with this but I’m going to hold back how I really feel and put up with it.”

  17. And it really does need more and more of those men who have understood their true nature to be writing as Lee does with such clarity and honesty, opening the door way for all men to feel who they truly are.

  18. Evolution is all about discarding and revealing all that is not us that keeps us hidden so that the true and loving beings who we are can be revealed, shared and enjoyed.

  19. It is absolutely gorgeous to feel that men and women are the same inside. Living without all the pictures of how a man and a woman should is just so much fun and delicious.

  20. The women you live with, sound like they are blessed to have a man like you Lee, that is so self-aware! You are equally helping heal the issues women have about being a true woman, purely by the fact that you have the intension to live as a true man. This is the beautiful thing about living a life that is about evolution, it doesn’t matter who we are around, we all get the benefit of true choices.

  21. True equalness and not just words requires we look at our way of living and being for without changing this our words are mere ornaments. A lived way supports all.

  22. “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.” The more we look outside ourselves the smaller we become, and when we live from the inside out we know without a doubt who we are.

    1. Sally in the scheme of things humanity is very small indeed, we are like little yappy dogs constantly making a noise to be seen and heard. Whereas if we were to stop for a moment and reconnect to the vastness of where we come from we would feel the stilling silence of our soul.

  23. A gorgeous and open honesty Lee on the protection we all live with that hides our true essence from shining through.

  24. It was great to read this as I am currently exploring how when I feel people in ‘stuff’ I can go into judging them and stepping back. It was great to read this and reflect on the support that can be offered when we don’t judge and just stay open.

  25. I really love the opening paragraph of your blog Lee. Its interesting to unpick our behaviour and investigate where there are mismatches between our words and actions. Its inspiring to hear you appreciate yourself and the people in your life who are with you on this journey.

  26. No matter the hurts and issues there is to deal with within me there is never any excuse to not see another for who they truly are and every time I see or am willing to see a man or woman for the love they are the knock on effect this has – thank you Lee for the confirmation.

  27. A powerful blog Lee. I love that you have taken this old coat off and let the world see the sensitivity and vulnerability that is within.
    “Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am”.

  28. Thank you Lee humble man for taking off the coat , I have no doubt this will inspire other men to do the same .

  29. Thank you Lee for such an exquisite blog, your honesty and vulnerability is deeply touching. We all have a few “old coats” that we need to let go of. The important thing is to be honest about them and then we can replace the “old coats” with our splendour.

  30. You can see the process in this article and for me that’s what I appreciate. So often you can find yourself in trying to make things perfect or have it all before it’s shared. Especially as men, there is an expectation you can do everything, know everything and take everything and yet here we are seeing that men truly aren’t robots. There is a sincerity, an honesty and a view shown to us in this article from how to walk back to truly being a man, not holding and trying to show you have the answers and can carry the load but more developing the strength of allowing what you are already feeling and seeing to be how you are. This for me I see as very brave and touching about how this article is written.

    1. Yes and it’s a true exploration into what the possibilities are for us all. In place of simply just taking on what the world is dishing out there is an openness to see more, both more of yourself and in that more of the world. This is how it needs to be for us all at different points and at different stages, that we are all exploring the depths of what it is to truly be a man.

      1. I guess it’s when your awareness brings you to the fact that no matter what’s happening outside you, in the world, the only place to connect back to is inside. It’s not isolation I am speaking of or a withdrawal but a true deep inner knowing that is a guide and a key to feeling everything has a place or a part to play. Our reaction or denial of the fact that we feel everything that is happening around us but, in place of understanding and accepting from within we react out and try to make it change or ignore it’s actually happening or take it on as being how things are. While all the time there is a question always asking, ‘is this really it’. Only when the inner is settled do our eyes focus to put the outside in it’s place.

      2. It’s true and in a world where there is right and wrong and a lot of the time we chastise ourselves for being wrong you could say in place it’s a twisted truth. In other words in place of getting down or replaying that we are wrong you could see the blessing in that if you see yourself withdrawing you could see that at whatever point this happens it’s actually true to allow yourself to go quiet and seek an answer within. It’s only when you stay there and use this as a control that it then becomes something else. Truth is never far from the door and I am not saying it’s a part truth because there is no such thing, it either is or it isn’t but the truth is always there we only need appreciate it’s part.

  31. Women are very good at seeing the essence of men – at times, they are not so good at allowing space for men to get there themselves.

  32. Eventually we all wake up to the falseness of all lies from the deep discomfort that comes from knowing within what is true.

  33. When we release our grip on the layers of protection that we think are keeping us safe we realise that within our true essence we are all equal and those layers have been harming us and preventing us from knowing our precious and powerful being.

  34. We all need to shed our old skins, or coats, on a regular basis if we are to continue to evolve and grow.

  35. The pictures of who we think we are are often in conflict with who we actually are, and by seeing them as pictures and not truth, we can take the steps to live as who we are.

  36. What you describe here Lee is very ‘I want to have my cake and eat it too’, as in ‘I want all the benefits that come from having an empowered and inspiring woman in my life – but I still want her to be my mother / housekeeper / nurse maid / sex slave / listening post / etc’ – which of course is at the end of the day a way of saying ‘No’ to the presence of a truly empowered woman in one’s life. I love that you have decided to cast the coat of comfort aside in favour of a truly equal relationship: one in which responsibility for one’s self is taken.

  37. It is interesting how many relationships are based on co-dependency and often the roles are mother-child relationships, sometimes the woman playing the mother and the man the boy, that needs to be cooked for, served and cleaned up after, at other times the man is the (sugar)daddy and the woman plays the little girl, denying herself her womanly power. A truly equal relationship with no attachment to certain roles is rare and quite a challenge to step into.

  38. Wow Lee thanks for being so honest and sharing how you are getting to know your real self, without the heavy coat. It’s great to acknowledge that we need the support of one another.

  39. “Our terms are always so selfish, aren’t they?” So true, the terms and conditions we give the world of what we require to perform and what we need and want is undoubtably selfish, perhaps when we drop our terms is when we truly experience equalness?

  40. It is beautiful that with the love and support of amazing women, you have been able to be so deeply honest and from that inspired to let go of everything that is not you and be willing to expose the truth and true beauty of who you are free of ideals and beliefs that only serve to harm us all through the lies and inequality they promote. Gorgeous.

  41. Men all around the world are wearing these coats … and some are so dense and heavy that it seems that they re-appear life after life. That it is possible to recognize and release this burden must rate as a miracle, or maybe just a recognition of the ancient wisdom that reminds us always who we truly are.

  42. Hiding behind roles is always a possibility. The question is twofold: what are we hiding from? And what is that we are hiding (that is not sharing with others)? These two questions are related: we hide ourselves from ourselves first and foremost. We hide (that is we choose not to choose) qualities so we do not have to accept as part of our way of moving in this world. The name of the game is to avoid being ourselves in full.

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