by Lee Green, humbled man, Perth
I am a man and am piecing together what it truly is to be me. This process is fascinating and akin to dipping my toe in the water – unsure about the ‘water temperature’ but knowing I want to swim. The amazing thing is that each time I dip my toe in, a little more of me feels a little more confident – then something else is presented. At this time, it is ‘equalness’… the equalness between men and women.
What is this ‘equalness’? I have only just realised that my mouth has been saying all the right things and my gestures portray a tolerance of this equalness, and yet there is no depth to it. It doesn’t feel real. It actually feels a bit like an old, heavy coat, passed down from generation to generation to show ‘our women folk’ that they are considered and held dear. And yet, as I sit with this coat on, it still feels empty and not at all equal.
So what is the payoff? Is it there to protect us from something? The pride of a man, protected by an old, heavy coat… The possibility that the man has strayed ‘oh so far from his true way’ or ‘lost his true way’, that the coat now acts as a security blanket?! Just in case anyone should find out that I am just playing a ‘role’ and am hiding my true self from the world – a tender and loving self.
The coat prevents us from stopping and saying, “You know what? This has been happening in our house, in our home, for too long… It feels wrong and I cannot keep up with the falseness any longer. I am a man who is finding my way back, and yet in that return I am still doggedly holding on to the fact that I must be stronger, earn more, be looked after, taken care of, held when I want, have sex when I want, do my hobby, mope and moan, and act like a little boy… Our terms are always so selfish, aren’t they?”
Pause.
“It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
“Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.”
“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.”
Devastating.
Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am.
And I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me. The women I live with are so patient, loving and amazing. Yes, extremely patient. And I am very appreciative.
Words on Serge Benhayon 
Doug that’s a great analogy because in the suit of armour your movements are cumbersome and restrictive so as you say there is no true movement.
You’re a beautiful person Lee, thank you for expressing so openly your return to your true self, what you have encountered along the way, and the support of women in your life. “I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.” I really enjoy seeing the true person, but surprisingly I see it the least in myself – what a great insight to receive in this moment. Thank you Lee for your beautiful writing, although it’s short you show that a deep quality and richness can still be expressed. Very much written from your heart, thank you.
It’s a compression coat, making smaller whoever wears it and yet we are taught that without it we can’t function in life. That’s simply not true.
Lee thank goodness there are more and more men such as yourself out there in the world thanks to the reflection of Serge Benhayon who lives in such a way that allows men to see that it is okay to be sensitive and caring towards themselves and women and children. It is so needed as I was sitting with a group of men and when men get together I have noticed they seem to pitch themselves against each other. It was like being with a group of Gladiators in full armour there were no swords or shields but the banter was as sharp and as devastating as any sword. We use words now to cut each other down not swords but at least when using a sword you can see you have been slashed open and wounded however with words you cannot see the wound but the effect was still the same. why do we do this to ourselves and each other what’s the point of it all. Does one-upmanship get us anywhere …no.
It’s so supportive to have a person in our life that does see the true person, the true essence of who we are, even when we ourselves separate from our essence and don some kind of outer ‘coat’.
It is supportive to have someone in our life who sees the true person, ‘I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.’
I can feel how I as a woman was demanding the old coat be changed, not even considering the possibility that I had a part to play in making sure it is warm enough and no coat is needed.
“I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me.” It is only by uniting can we regain our true self and then we can have equality.
How we are, how we live has an affect on all those around us.
Honest and beautifull allowing yourself to feel all that is you and all that is not you. And yes ‘no man is an island’ and our development is definitely intertwined with those around us.
Lee I feel that both men and women wear the coat you describe so well
“It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
It seems to me we are held down by a consciousness that doesn’t want any of us to wake up and realise who we truly are we are all like puppets on a string that is being pulled by an as yet unseen master. I feel this consciousness holds us down through our movements. We need to change the way we move to break free of this domination. But first comes the realisation that we are held down and back from who we truly are.
Yes, it has felt like we were held down, held back by a consciousness, having beliefs in our life, that we knew were not true, yet at some level could play out. It feels like these consciousness’s are having less of an impact in our life now.
As our true reflection flashes before our eyes we need to understand that is all anyone needs, as our True-Refection is the greatest gift we can give. Thank you Lee, and may I share that the deep-humble-appreciate-ness we have for each other is part of any True Reflection.
gregbarnes888what what is so beautiful is that we can all reflect back to one another the grandness we come from. I met someone recently and had to take a double take, the last time I had seen them they were quite down as they were going through a lot. When I saw them again several weeks later they were moving in all their grace and magnificence and it was stunning to feel. It was as though they had suddenly switched on their light for everyone to see and the pull up was immense.
I love how you describe all that we take on as a coat as it shows that we have a choice to wear it or leave it.
When we take off the coat of beliefs we can feel that we are all equally vulnerable and tender.
What are our payoffs for those things we hang onto and when they do exist (the payoffs that is) are they really worth it and what is their impact on us and others … this questioning really allows us to unravel how we are and what we’ve taken on and how in fact it’s not who we are or doesn’t serve us or another.
monicag2 what is it going to take for us to let go of all the things that are not working and have never worked but as you say we hang onto them hoping if we hang on long enough things will work out, just given a bit more ‘time’. How long have we all be holding out for love that when it comes we don’t quite believe it, we are so starved of true love that we would rather hang on to the threads of what we have even though we know its not working than take the risk to let love in again and have it snatched away as we put out our arms to embrace it.
It is easy to speak of equality but many have not felt it within themselves. Once you do feel it, you know there is no difference between men and women in essence and we are completely equal.
Equalness is nothing but a reification of the kingdom of self, of individuality.
When we are mutually held in space and move, we enter a new dimension; we re-unite.
I love how you put the words in your amazing blog Lee. It is so easy to understand what you have so honestly shared even if some of us do not want to understand it it will move under your skin!
I completely agree with you.
I have been feeling recently just how much selfishness is there in my life and what a heavy coat it is to wear. Taking responsibility for our own life and choices and the impact these have on the world around us does make a big difference.
A beautiful sharing Lee, I can relate to the old coat, as I have had my own garment that I no longer want to wear, some days it does not exist but other days it seems to be me. “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
Beautiful Lee, it is indeed a very worn and old coat and it causes more pain then what it shields men from. Thank you for this very important sharing in a time where men are finding it more and more challenging to be who they truly are.
“No man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me. The women I live with are so patient, loving and amazing. Yes, extremely patient. And I am very appreciative” – this is very beautiful. Equalness cannot be achieved just by only one part making change while the other part demands the change. And what I can feel is how I have often mistaken this demand as claiming my power while avoiding to look at how we ended up where we ended up and how I contributed to that, justifying my position of lesser.
Pride can exude an arrogance that caps our potential immediately and is therefore something we all need to observe for.
Truly no man is an island… And we have been surrounded by extraordinarily patient women… What a blessing.
Wow Lee, it is deeply healing and beautiful to read a man express himself with such tenderness and transparency.
Tolerance (ie. tolerating equality that you mention Lee) still holds the other in judgement. For in tolerating something we are saying “I don’t agree with this but I’m going to hold back how I really feel and put up with it.”
And it really does need more and more of those men who have understood their true nature to be writing as Lee does with such clarity and honesty, opening the door way for all men to feel who they truly are.
Evolution is all about discarding and revealing all that is not us that keeps us hidden so that the true and loving beings who we are can be revealed, shared and enjoyed.
Discarding the layers that are not us, and allowing the true person to be seen is very beautiful process.
Beautiful Lee, discarding what is not truly us is liberating. So many ideals and beliefs can be adopted through our lives that have nothing to do with truth.
It is absolutely gorgeous to feel that men and women are the same inside. Living without all the pictures of how a man and a woman should is just so much fun and delicious.
The women you live with, sound like they are blessed to have a man like you Lee, that is so self-aware! You are equally helping heal the issues women have about being a true woman, purely by the fact that you have the intension to live as a true man. This is the beautiful thing about living a life that is about evolution, it doesn’t matter who we are around, we all get the benefit of true choices.
True equalness and not just words requires we look at our way of living and being for without changing this our words are mere ornaments. A lived way supports all.
“It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.” The more we look outside ourselves the smaller we become, and when we live from the inside out we know without a doubt who we are.
Sally in the scheme of things humanity is very small indeed, we are like little yappy dogs constantly making a noise to be seen and heard. Whereas if we were to stop for a moment and reconnect to the vastness of where we come from we would feel the stilling silence of our soul.
A gorgeous and open honesty Lee on the protection we all live with that hides our true essence from shining through.
Equalness is a movement that holds every one (inclusing oneself) in love irrespective of anything else.
It was great to read this as I am currently exploring how when I feel people in ‘stuff’ I can go into judging them and stepping back. It was great to read this and reflect on the support that can be offered when we don’t judge and just stay open.
I really love the opening paragraph of your blog Lee. Its interesting to unpick our behaviour and investigate where there are mismatches between our words and actions. Its inspiring to hear you appreciate yourself and the people in your life who are with you on this journey.
No matter the hurts and issues there is to deal with within me there is never any excuse to not see another for who they truly are and every time I see or am willing to see a man or woman for the love they are the knock on effect this has – thank you Lee for the confirmation.
A powerful blog Lee. I love that you have taken this old coat off and let the world see the sensitivity and vulnerability that is within.
“Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am”.
Great that you are setting the standard, and inspiring others Lee, by allowing yourself to be seen in your true beauty.
Thank you Lee humble man for taking off the coat , I have no doubt this will inspire other men to do the same .
Thank you Lee for such an exquisite blog, your honesty and vulnerability is deeply touching. We all have a few “old coats” that we need to let go of. The important thing is to be honest about them and then we can replace the “old coats” with our splendour.
You can see the process in this article and for me that’s what I appreciate. So often you can find yourself in trying to make things perfect or have it all before it’s shared. Especially as men, there is an expectation you can do everything, know everything and take everything and yet here we are seeing that men truly aren’t robots. There is a sincerity, an honesty and a view shown to us in this article from how to walk back to truly being a man, not holding and trying to show you have the answers and can carry the load but more developing the strength of allowing what you are already feeling and seeing to be how you are. This for me I see as very brave and touching about how this article is written.
Yes and it’s a true exploration into what the possibilities are for us all. In place of simply just taking on what the world is dishing out there is an openness to see more, both more of yourself and in that more of the world. This is how it needs to be for us all at different points and at different stages, that we are all exploring the depths of what it is to truly be a man.
I guess it’s when your awareness brings you to the fact that no matter what’s happening outside you, in the world, the only place to connect back to is inside. It’s not isolation I am speaking of or a withdrawal but a true deep inner knowing that is a guide and a key to feeling everything has a place or a part to play. Our reaction or denial of the fact that we feel everything that is happening around us but, in place of understanding and accepting from within we react out and try to make it change or ignore it’s actually happening or take it on as being how things are. While all the time there is a question always asking, ‘is this really it’. Only when the inner is settled do our eyes focus to put the outside in it’s place.
It’s true and in a world where there is right and wrong and a lot of the time we chastise ourselves for being wrong you could say in place it’s a twisted truth. In other words in place of getting down or replaying that we are wrong you could see the blessing in that if you see yourself withdrawing you could see that at whatever point this happens it’s actually true to allow yourself to go quiet and seek an answer within. It’s only when you stay there and use this as a control that it then becomes something else. Truth is never far from the door and I am not saying it’s a part truth because there is no such thing, it either is or it isn’t but the truth is always there we only need appreciate it’s part.
Women are very good at seeing the essence of men – at times, they are not so good at allowing space for men to get there themselves.
Eventually we all wake up to the falseness of all lies from the deep discomfort that comes from knowing within what is true.
When we release our grip on the layers of protection that we think are keeping us safe we realise that within our true essence we are all equal and those layers have been harming us and preventing us from knowing our precious and powerful being.
The more we allow the layers of protection to fall away, the more we realise how limiting they were, and that they were never needed in the first place.
We all need to shed our old skins, or coats, on a regular basis if we are to continue to evolve and grow.
The pictures of who we think we are are often in conflict with who we actually are, and by seeing them as pictures and not truth, we can take the steps to live as who we are.
Yes it can be a tender time as we removing all the images and pictures we may hold though as we do we do we are able to connect to the nakedness of truth.
What you describe here Lee is very ‘I want to have my cake and eat it too’, as in ‘I want all the benefits that come from having an empowered and inspiring woman in my life – but I still want her to be my mother / housekeeper / nurse maid / sex slave / listening post / etc’ – which of course is at the end of the day a way of saying ‘No’ to the presence of a truly empowered woman in one’s life. I love that you have decided to cast the coat of comfort aside in favour of a truly equal relationship: one in which responsibility for one’s self is taken.
It is interesting how many relationships are based on co-dependency and often the roles are mother-child relationships, sometimes the woman playing the mother and the man the boy, that needs to be cooked for, served and cleaned up after, at other times the man is the (sugar)daddy and the woman plays the little girl, denying herself her womanly power. A truly equal relationship with no attachment to certain roles is rare and quite a challenge to step into.
Wow Lee thanks for being so honest and sharing how you are getting to know your real self, without the heavy coat. It’s great to acknowledge that we need the support of one another.
I hold some wise words close to me and that is if it does not feel right change it. If the jacket is heavy take it off.
“Our terms are always so selfish, aren’t they?” So true, the terms and conditions we give the world of what we require to perform and what we need and want is undoubtably selfish, perhaps when we drop our terms is when we truly experience equalness?
It is beautiful that with the love and support of amazing women, you have been able to be so deeply honest and from that inspired to let go of everything that is not you and be willing to expose the truth and true beauty of who you are free of ideals and beliefs that only serve to harm us all through the lies and inequality they promote. Gorgeous.
Men all around the world are wearing these coats … and some are so dense and heavy that it seems that they re-appear life after life. That it is possible to recognize and release this burden must rate as a miracle, or maybe just a recognition of the ancient wisdom that reminds us always who we truly are.
Hiding behind roles is always a possibility. The question is twofold: what are we hiding from? And what is that we are hiding (that is not sharing with others)? These two questions are related: we hide ourselves from ourselves first and foremost. We hide (that is we choose not to choose) qualities so we do not have to accept as part of our way of moving in this world. The name of the game is to avoid being ourselves in full.
So beautiful and freeing to let go and take off the coat of those ideals and beliefs that have had us tied up for so long, Showing to the world the love we truly are and come from and live that love equally with others in our day to day life.
Letting go of the pictures of who we think we are, and allowing the true self to be present is a beautiful process.
We can talk the talk but do we walk the walk? We can say a lot with words and words can be somewhat deceiving if we fail to be aware of body language and the intention behind the words.
Thank you Lee for this simple yet profound reflection of how when we choose to be more love and truth for ourselves we are choosing to live more love and truth in our lives, for how we are with ourselves is how we are with others. In love all are equal as this is the truth of who we all are, we only express our love in unique ways through our chosen incarnations, yet in essence it is love that forever holds us all in equalness.
As I read your blog Lee I see a reflection that questions my understanding and embodiment of equalness. It is something I value greatly – but am I truly living it? Some more humble pie to eat it seems.
This is so beautiful, honest and really lovely. I can feel as a woman how I have contributed in keeping men in those coats, and actually recoiled when I had a glimpse of what might be underneath – as that meant I had to become aware of the coat I was wearing and what I was hiding underneath. One by one, we are seeing more men and women walking with no coat on, and we can feel the lightness in their footsteps and the joy they are in in receiving the warmth of the sun directly.
Transparency is the key to evolution. Goodbye old coat of imposed ideals and beliefs, there is a man of the future living untouched beneath ☺
As I read this again I am struck by the realisation that to take of the ‘coat’ you describe is so difficult is because in reality it has become such an entrenched way of being that it is no longer a ‘coat’ but a layer of ‘skin’.
What you have written, Lee, is very beautiful, beautifully written, exposing and very humbling, “I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.” And through this humbleness you ignite tenderness.
The way you are expressing Lee is so very much needed for us all, to get us all out of these old clothes and see and live the beauty that is underneath.
Thank you Lee. How important that men like yourself are recognising the need to come forward and be truly honest about the lack of true equality there is in this world today The fact that we pay only lip service to equality but have as yet not really lived this, so how wonderful for us as women to see the men in our midst taking the first steps to living equality . With a man such as Serge Benhayon leading the way many will follow!
To bring back our purity, present us naked in a way, can worry us, but only when we not claim our power and connection to divinity first. WE ARE AMAZING. No need for a coat or any other cover that offers false security. True safety and strength is found only in our connection. And from here we see each other in our true beauty.
Being aware of the coat, the protection is the opening to true healing. Whenever we recognise something is not true and express it, it supports us to see more as honesty sets the foundation for true healing to occur. Thank you Lee for sharing.
It’s great when we begin to question the status quo and live from how we feel and not from what is the accepted normal.
Great blog Lee, when we accept that men are equally tender and loving, and not the men we have laden and burdened with having to be strong even when they feel tired, providing the family with security food on the table etc. When we all take responsibility together for the love that we are first, the burdens are no longer the emphasis of the way we live, but love becomes the foundation.
Society is so ruled and influenced by ideals, beliefs and images around our gendered roles. When we let go of these images it can feel like a detox because these movements are being stored in the body every time we act them out. Letting them go and appreciating who someone truly is without the guise of a role will allow the images to dissolve.
there is such a paucity of role models for being a true man, a man that has not bought into so many of the beliefs that are always there coming from friends and family and sports and education… It is absolutely crucial now that the redefining of what it is to be a man takes prominence because it is absolutely essential.
Gorgeous Lee, love, appreciation and a deep honesty are the helping hands that remove the coat and reveal the true man.
Lee it’s an immense step for any human being to state so honestly the various false ways we behave (as men or women), especially when so many do it and it’s accepted as normal. To break those chains to return to self and express who you truly are is something to be celebrated.
True gender equality will not be found once men and women exhibit the exact same behavioural traits, but rather when they are both accepted equally for the attributes they both bring – whatever those attributes may be.
That’s the problem with old coats. They might feel cozy and comfortable but as the times change and we continue to pass the same old one from one generation to the next, it just gets tatty, thin, and not so warm and comfortable. So in order to stay comfortable you can hug it to yourself all the more. I cannot but see the analogy of our old coats with our old patterns and ways of living and that sometimes it might be wiser to appreciate the old coat but also let it go and get a new one.
I am re-reading your article tonight Lee, and I can feel the weight that men carry in choosing to live a predefined role, rather than living themselves. The expectations of our world and many in it doesn’t help men to let go, I sense this is because let go allows men to be vulnerable, that if felt, is stopped and the old way of living chosen to hide the truth of the exquisite beauty, strength and tenderness that lies at the heart of every man.
We live in a world where men are expected to ‘toughen up’ and hide their true feelings, I know many men that are the exact opposite of this and they are beautiful, tender and gentle such as yourself Lee. The way you are choosing to discard your worn old coat is very powerful and reflects to other men that they are equally this too.
We have all been hurt in the past which can make us wary of being hurt again. So it makes sense to wear a coat of many colors in order to blend into our surroundings like a chameleon in the gallant effort to protect and hide our heart. This intention to stop hurt coming in can be seen as logical but we must also remember that such a block blocks everything else equally, including such feelings as love joy and harmony. And if we are all honest these are the exact types of nourishing feelings that we most want to feel on this earth all day everyday.
The concept of ‘hiding oneself in playing a role’ – now that is worthy of deep consideration and pondering by us all Lee. There are so many gems in what you’ve shared here, thank-you.
We have been utterly bombarded from day one, with ideals and ways that we ‘should be’ – as men with women, and women with men. Every step taken in recognising the limitations of these ‘shoulds’ is a true victory for all. Well done Lee Green.
Your honesty is very healing for all of us Lee, whether your blog is read by all or not.
Lee this blog is absolutely exquisite. I am deeply touched and inspired to explore and honour more deeply equalness and being a woman and busting the myth of living in a so called ‘man’s world’.
Equality, as Lee writes , is essential, and the necessary foundation for all our relationships to be true and nurturing.
We men should show off more of our femininity. It feels great and no we do not become women when we do but very pleasant men to be around, AND the women love it.
There is very little in this world that truly allows us to celebrate ourselves free of the roles that have been imposed upon us. And yet every human being is so deserving of knowing that they are glorious, yourself included. We are too hard on ourselves as a rule.
Absolutely important Lee thank you. You shed a light on what is possible and important now in our world – men to be themselves, women to be themselves and actually feel each one of us as equal. Men are tender. Women are tender. Both hold divine. Do not shape each other but let each other be with all they come, being it a rain coat or not.. Anything that is not truly us, we should strip away (peel off).
Very beautiful. Thank you for expressing so honestly Lee.
Calling it a coat may be under-estimating the devastating effect it has on so many men. To me, at times it has felt more akin to a massive great hulking medieval suit of armour…which then gives you some idea of the joy, lightness and vitality I feel when I take it off. Imagine what those warriors must have felt after hours in the battle field. Well, we’ve been doing that for lifetimes.
The old heavy coat is a great description Lee of many different ways of holding gender bias or closing down our feeling and expression with others. Taking it off can be a little scary after depending on it for such a long time, but there is nothing like the feeling of lightness and sense of letting go when we do.
“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.” Playing any role hurts not only the person but all who come into contact with them and I have certainly hidden behind many roles in my life which have been highly detrimental and never allowed for true equality no matter how much I have espoused my beliefs in everyone being equal my behaviour has told a different story. Good to unpack these ideals and beliefs and strip them away to allow for true equality in all my interactions.
Lee, thank you, as a woman I have felt the heavy coat way of being from the men in my life, I have also played into it and needed the financial security, and sense of superiority from the men in my life so I could play small, be needy and be submissive, all the while with great frustration at both lots of games.
Thankfully many of these beliefs are now being exposed and I am letting them go and stepping forward now with the equalness you share here and the freedom in living with equalness at the fore is oh so beautiful.
“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.” The masks (coats) we wear have such an impact on ourselves and others. Discarding old worn-out coats and showing and being who we truly are is liberating.
Any time that we clean out a wardrobe it’s really refreshing… A whole new clean slate… Then we change the coats that Lee is talking about, we are able to change our whole paradigms of life.
The realisation that ‘no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me’ is one that we all need to accept as true not only men but for us all, for it is actually this unity and the merging of all our qualities together that will literally change the world.
This is so beautiful, Lee. I think as women many of us have also supported men to “keep their heavy coat on” as it means we do not need to change either. Both men and women have been holding onto their relationship “roles” for a long time but we know that these roles do not serve us anymore.To be vulnerable with each other and committed to going deeper into the relationship is a beautiful recipe for true understanding and joy in any relationship.
It is true that we all have a lot of protection to unravel. We brace ourselves and protect ourselves because we have been hurt and because we have been hurt trying to get it right. For some reason being right has become very important and if we are not right we don’t want to feel it. Therefore the big coat of traditional ideas, values and the stencil of what to do to be a man, or woman.
I know as I unravel each layer that when I feel another doing the same there is a huge amount of joy. There is so much joy when we feel the true person being themselves.
I feel we all need to learn the joy of letting go of the need to be right. We need to let go of the embarrassment of being wrong and know that what we feel is truth and the truth will show us the way.
As I read your blog again Lee I realised that as we heal and piece ourselves back together to the wholeness that we all innately are is something that we cannot do alone – and the time has come that we all must begin to nourish and appreciate the support we can both give and receive from each other in that rebuilding process.
I also feel to share that as women we have a responsibility to see through these coats and not hold onto false ideals about the men in our lives. By calling out these coats with the full understanding that this is not who men truly are, we break down the walls of inequality between the sexes and see it for the lovelessness that it is. I wonder too if women are comfortable with only seeing the coats men can wear so they too can live life under a false guise? Ouch this is something I have definitely participated in.
Good point Aimee, both sexes have played a part in this game
What a gem of a blog to come across Lee Green! I love your honesty and openness in discovering the heavy coat you have been wearing and has been passed down by generations. I live with three men and can myself get caught in seeing them only from their coats and not through them, of course this leads to inequality from both parties and disharmony ensues. But when I see their coats as just that ‘a coat’ and nothing more than that, I feel every bit of their exquisite tenderness and joy, and it is so beautiful and there is nothing different or between us.
What really is needed now are for men to connect to the tender nature of their natural selves, and then to be role models for humanity… this is sorely needed.
A beautiful blog and a reminder that women have to stop admiring the coat and accepting and expecting all that goes with it.
And when you do that Mary it greatly helps us to take off the coat as it shows us that it is not acceptable clothing.
Can’t stop re-reading your blog Lee. It is so beautiful and very needed as men today are generally so caught up with knowing themselves by roles and hurts, they rarely know themselves by the true essence inside.
A coat full of old hurts, beliefs, mistrusts and deeply held deceptions and misleading perceptions. Who would ever put this on at all? Yet we do, and my feeling is that this very choice exposes the fact that comfort is actually an indulgence in no being who we truly are.
It is so beautiful to read a man honestly coming to terms with the belief systems he has taken on that hurt himself and others… and be prepared to strip himself bare and start again from a tender and loving place.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog Lee, it was an excellent depiction of the defences men walk around with
The use of the coat analogy is perfect in describing how the energy of the ways a man can see himself can be like. It is very confining, heavy and dogged with the weight of all the ideals and roles that men take on. What a weight off your shoulders Lee!
Yes Joshua, and what a beautiful gift for everyone to see and feel!
Gorgeous Lee, and so humbly exposing. To recognise that under your “coat’ is the true you is amazing and also that you understand that when wearing your ‘coat’ it affects those around you. Very beautiful to feel your honesty.
And as we allow ourselves to be seen, discarding the old, and embracing the new, this will be inspiring for other men, because this is the reflection that is desperately needed to be seen now.
Absolutely Chris, men who are allowing themselves to be seen are providing a desperately needed reflection to humanity – and boy is it joyous for a woman (and a man) to see a man coming into bloom in all his tender glory!
Hear hear Jo Swinton, and a true reflection of a loving strength completely different to society’s standard of a mans strength.
This is a gorgeous honest blog Leigh it was a joy to come back and read it again . “Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am.” Beautiful I could feel how freeing this was both for you, and the women in your life and to all of us. There is so much to appreciate and enjoy when a man takes off the heavy coat of protection to reveal the tenderness within.
Awesome Lee, I read your blog a while ago and reading it again is so refreshing, inspiring and powerful. I love your appreciation for the women in your life and appreciating who you are. When you choose to take off that ‘heavy coat’ you’ll inspire other men and women to also do the same. Your amazing reflection is all that’s needed.
It’s crazy that these “coats” are on Lee as it really hides nothing – women have always been able to see and fallen for the tenderness that is innate in men – and women are infinitely patient – sometimes you let us in as in your case Lee and sometimes not. Thank you for your honesty – this is such a great sharing and so important to talk about.
I love the analogy of the coat being representative of the old ideals and behaviors that we often retain because they are comfortable and familiar or offer a level of functionality, and as a woman I can certainly relate to having my own heavy coat which I too am now committed to taking off.
The way women hide is talked about in every magazine, it’s open for lots of discussion, but this is the first time I have read an account from a man who is honestly exposing the protection a man chooses. It’s so refreshing to read a true man speaking up, taking true responsibility to just be himself so we can all be real and equal in our relationships.
Reading your blog Lee and everyone’s comments, made me stop and deeply appreciate the truth, equality and the depth of what is being shared here by men and women, in such and raw and real way. Setting a true marker for humanity, de-bunking or dismantling the friction, games and beliefs held between men and women, that have been held for centuries. This way of speaking between men and women shows the world a different way is possible.
That is the way to go Thomas, to stop and deeply appreciate the truth that is being shared here. For me it is a truth that, although we all have our individual qualities, we are all equal in essence and that all the issues we have with one and another are from the behaviours and attitudes we have taken on through life because we did not want to take the responsibility for the choices we made in life and instead started to blame all the others around us for the misery the choices has brought to us.
As I build the trust and connection to myself and my body, I allow myself to receive the amazing way women can support men in staying true to the tenderness we as men are.
I often see the “old coat” or way of being, my protections, hurts or acting in a way to avoid feeling rejected by others, which feel are so old and outdated behaviors, and yet still choose to react in this way. But when I’m held in equal-ness by another it’s much easier to choose to come back to the loving, gentle tender man I know myself to be.
The unwavering love, steadiness that I am held in by the women in my life, always shows me the way home to the true and tender man I know myself to be, however far from this I stray, their ability to see who I truly am, and through my reactions, hardness and protection, is helping me to trust, myself, others and humanity.
‘I have only just realised that my mouth has been saying all the right things and my gestures portray a tolerance of this equalness, and yet there is no depth to it’. For true harmony and equalness to occur between anyone it has to be felt, claimed and lived, not just talked about. Lip service is not true service.
This is such an amazing blog Lee, I can feel how I am still holding my image up, that old heavy coat you talk about, of not true equality but just that what I am feeling comfortable with. But as I am reconnecting with myself I have learned that that is not it, and I can connect with women in equality.
So true Benkt, we do not need that protection coat as it is only holding us back from living the life that is flourishing in our inner most. The coat only wears me out and hurts my body while by just taking it off and allowing myself to be seen in all my vulnerability is the way to go. And by doing that I have found too that there is no separation between women and men and that we are actually equally the same instead.
Lee thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I only want to see the coat with my husband and I can feel how damaging that is for us both. Time for me to totally see behind the coat and let what I truly feel come out!
Wow Lee this blog is so beautifully expressed. Your tenderness is reflected in this story, I celebrate the fact that you took your coat off to be you.
Thanks Lee. Some time has passed since you originally wrote your blog and while we could never know the exact numbers, I am confident many men have had their curiosity aroused and/or been encouraged to try shedding their ‘old coat’ after reading it.
And once this old coat is removed, then the burden that so many men are carrying becomes transparent and obvious, and it really does behove us to be there representing the possibility of a totally different paradigm, and the energetic freedom that this brings
What a truly honest and inspiring blog Lee. By you acknowledging your appreciation and support to be held by women around you who interact with the incredible tender and precious essence of who you really are, I am inspired not to react to the coat those men in my life wear but to hold steady and interact with the incredible tender and precious man underneath. Thank you.
There is a is definitely a magical and inspiring relationship that men and women can build together when they allow themselves to complement each other with the expression of their own precious essence. Well said Ginadunlop.
It’s not just men who wear coats for protection, women also have their fair share, in fact a cupboard full, albeit they are perhaps lighter, more colourful, designer cut, completely reversible and interchangeable. It’s true women feel the exquisite beauty of the man inside the coat, but if they have a life of coats themselves they spend long hours with their man prizing off the heavy old coat only to replace it with a new one of their choosing, that from all appearances seems to suit them better not considering that it’s so tight the man has little freedom of movement and in some cases is more restricted than before. As women realise their own exquisite inner beauty and begin to stop investing in coats, the fashion will quickly change and love and equality will become the trend.
What you share here is so awesome Barbara. Men may hold onto a couple of old coats but women can be more resourceful in how they hide and protect themselves as their wardrobes are filled with many coats of varying colours shapes and designs that represent all our issues, ideals and belief’s and the roles we feel we need to live up to according to societies expectations. This outward projection is merely a distraction and basically says look at my style, look at my beautiful coat, look at everything that covers me so you can’t see the exquisiteness of me that is cocooned within. I totally agree with you Barbara, we all need to start a new trend that invests in ourselves and not in more coats.
Yes Barbara to everything you wrote. We have equal responsibility to meet the men and do away with the masquerade of our many colourful coats.
Thank you for your deep honesty in expressing what it feels like as a man to begin to peel off that old familiar security blanket and for honouring the special quality that women can bring to men in this process.
“Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.”
“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.”
I just want to share that I am so deeply touched by these words Lee, thank you. A very dear friend of mine could also see through my coat. From the very beginning she could see the true me and has helped me take of my coat and I will be forever grateful.
Where would man be if women couldn’t see through the coat to our true selves and patiently wait for our return to that self. A return to that gentleness and tenderness that has been eluding us for so long, some of our coats are thick and for those who have been hurt deeply (most of us) we are still wearing chain-mail. What are we afraid of as the time is right for us to truly feel what is there waiting for us to feel.
Your honesty is beautiful to read Lee, the coat you once wore is no longer needed when you embrace all the loving and tender qualities you are and share this with everyone equally.
So profound, Lee, and I felt truly honoured as a woman as I was reading this. Thank you.
Lee, I love this analogy. You’ve nailed the archetypal role that men are groomed for from early childhood. But like the coat, this role is just something that men put on and use as their vehicle to get them through life, just as women do with their own roles. Anyone can shed that coat if they are willing to unpick it from their true selves.
Thank you Lee for sharing your story of taking off your coat and revealing the beautiful, loving, gentle man that has been there all the time, only covered over.
Lee, thank you for reminding me how very important it is to love each man for who he truly is despite the heaviest of cloaks they sometimes wear. To cherish and love men and never waver from that truth that I see in them.
What a great anology the coat is Lee. It helps me understand the struggle men have to take it off, like a security blanket. Making men wrong as women often do widens the gap and keeps them entrenched in the coat, trusting no one. There is a fine balance between being patient/allowing and letting things continue as they are/becoming complacent and in some cases we mix the two up.
Great words of truth Lee. I can also add my name to the list of having an amazing woman how has always seen in me what I have been trying so hard to hide all of these years. Removing my old coat has lightened myself to express who I truly have always been.
As I was reading this blog Lee I could see a coat, made of thick fabric, densely woven. It is threadbare at the collar and the elbows and cuffs are worn. It is stained in places, moth-eaten in others. It is empty, but has been worn into shape by years of use, such that it sits there stiffly held upright, a man shape…but there is no man.
He is is sitting at his computer, typing with light deft fingers, his back and shoulders unburdened, his eyes alight with the love and fire of knowing who he is.
He is writing this blog.
Very Beautiful Rachel, the man is not truly in there it’s just a mask and a protection, which can be put aside and the true man is under it in its absolute tender perfection. The coat can only make the true man inside invisible, but never cover him up or eliminate him, there is always the flame that just needs to be lightened and it burns in its true power.
The man I am stands occasionally staring at that coat – it calls me some days to go back to old ways and it would be easy to do – yet it would not be true I will never let go of love and fire.
Wearing that old coat feels heavy and loaded but comfortable and familiar, maybe that’s why it appears hard to discard. As a woman I needed the reminder to be patient. Thank you Lee.
Yes Lee and Julie, women do need to be patient. To feel the tenderness of men and meet them in our shared equality is powerfully healing for all of us.
And the coat a man wears, only he himself can put off. Thank you Lee showing us that this is possible. As when the sun shines warm on your skin, there is no coat needed.
Thanks Lee, for the great reminder of how graceful it is to be patient and allow another to take their coat off in their own time.
I agree Laura, by allowing another the time and space to come back to themselves, we are in effect demonstrating true equality not judging or separating from them, simply reflecting back to them the love that they are, this is deeply healing.
Awesome Laura, something that I am still working with, true compassion, for we have all chalked up many wrong turns through the ages.
I love the metaphor of the tired old coat and I also love the way you express so simply but with so much meaning.
‘I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me’. And with these words I am reminded that it is our relationships and connections with others that truly supports and nourishes our own development and evolution. Great blog Lee.
Thank you for sharing, and it is indeed a big heavy coat that covers our beauty and a true feeling of equality, when left I can feel how amazing it is to really connect to this equality.
Thank you Lee. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine invite us all to come in from the cold, leave our coats at the door, and warm ourselves by the fire, equally so.
Well said Barbara, letting go of the coats that we hide behind definitely allows us to come in from the cold and allows both ourselves and others to be stoked and be warmed by our own true fire.
Truly humbling Lee, there is so much for each gender to understand and learn from each other and keeping connected to the essence of each other is key.
Really beautiful to read Lee. “Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.” – true support of women when we take our coats off too. Not only do you support other men in removing their coat, but women too.
I love returning to this blog to feel how we can as men and women be equal with each other and deeply caring of each other. We actually hold a great level of understanding for each other if we stop carrying around or wearing what does not serve us.
Lee your article really touched my heart, as I could feel that you are stripping back the ideals that we can all place upon ourselves, to live up to a role whether it is to be a man, or a woman, that coat we often choose to wear lays heavy on our shoulders. I could feel the surrendering to yourself and the beautiful opening up you are choosing and it reminded me that this is possible for us all. To truly let go of these impositions we place upon ourselves and begin to live and breathe again as who we are, not as who we think we should be. It feels like it is time to hang that coat up for good.
Equalness and protection do not mix well. Wearing the coat is a subtle way of hiding from the world while you are saying here I am as if you were there. The coat taints everything you do, think and say. The coat feels very familiar and safe but it does not help us to go forward. Stop wearing it is a decision each one has to make if this is its wish and go through this at its own pace, in its own way.
Poignant reading. Thank you Lee for your honouring of women and of yourself.
So very true Lee, the behaviour of us men is very ingrained, I don’t want to be reactive, bullying or verbally abusive. It’s like a de-fault pattern, automatic to stay in protection and keep people out, and yet it serves me not. I feel the love and support from the women in my life who see through this facade and support the tender loving man I truly am, for this I am very grateful.
Your honesty is always touching Lee. The analogy of the coat is a great one, it not only comes with baggage, but also offers ‘protection’ from letting us see who you truly are. Men shining in their claimed tenderness and sensitivity is so gorgeously manly and beautiful to experience, and what it offers a woman is immeasurable.
Yes, I agree Jo. I completely melt when I hear, see and witness men claiming their tenderness and sensitivity and not afraid to share it with the world.
That is the key – the tender man not being afraid to share it with the world. The reflection is powerful and so so needed in today’s society of ‘toughened’ men.
That is beautiful Lee, I like the coat , it symbolically tells us a lot. Incredible to feel that it is just an old coat, that is actually not needed to wear. I reckon this is an incredible freedom to let of this coat. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us all.
This is so refreshingly honest Lee, and I feel many would relate to your words and feelings on being a man . Many women would like myself, be feeling “at Last” a man who dares share his deepest realisations and sensitivity towards women and equality and how we as women have felt for so long, that equality is only given lip service and not true acknowledgement more often than not. I thank you.
Yes, this is very, very gorgeous to read. I too feel the same Roslyn, so gorgeous and divine to read, express and experience equality. This is what is natural to us hence why this feels so amazing when we can feel its quality.
Thanks Lee, I also have been graced with a woman of wonderful patience, and as I unravel my own old coat and let it go, together we can experience the delight of truly sharing and being together.
Very touching how you are held, Lee, and how you allow yourself to be held. Thank you for this beautiful article.
This is beautiful Lee, another fantastic revelation for men everywhere (including me) about how doggedly we hold onto that heavy, heavy coat.
Thank you Lee and Joel, I agree, a coat that for some of us was like a suit of armor!
well said Lee. Its about being true, and knowing that quality we can FEEL in our bodies.
Let’s enter this beautiful true story into Men’s ‘Lifestyle’ magazines! Seriously, Men can be so powerful when they step up and claim there true selves back, not the kind of powerful they think they ought to be which basically consists of being domineering, the true kind, that expresses their gentleness and outright awesomeness. Thanks Lee!
We all carry the burden of that coat equally, dear brother. We share the weight of it, which makes it a totally lovely process to get naked. (and although I live as a gay man, this is NOT literally speaking…)
Lee – thanks for your reflective blog. Your honesty makes you an inspiration for men worldwide. I also believe that what you say can also apply to how most individuals are living – with heavy, old coats which most have no idea they are wearing, let alone considering whether they are willing to take them off or not.
So beautiful Lee, thank you for your very real and honest account about taking off that old jacket full of the ideals and beliefs of what it is to be a man – that jacket is so last century!
We are all equal, we just think we are not and play games with this fact where there are no true expressions of love.
I love this blog Lee. It’s lovely to know men who have chosen to take the coat off and are discovering there is more to them than an old coat passed down through the generations, like outdated traditions and realising that they never needed the security it appeared to offer in the first place.
Thank you Lee, so beautifully expressed! When you express your appreciation like that, it brings such warmth and yes…equalness to us all!
This is beautiful Lee, this old coat is long out of fashion. I can feel it more and more in my life, we are all equal beautiful human beings, and it is great to get to this delicate and tender man I truly am.
You’re gorgeous Lee. Never afraid to call out behaviours and take responsibility for them as well – your honesty is refreshing, serious and yet playful at the same time. Chuck the coat – there’s a stunning new one waiting for you – it’s called Lee Green – awesome man.
So you’re presenting that as men and women we are actually the same, by essence. We might look a bit different in terms of physical features but the indwelling flame is still the same.
Beautiful Lee. I love your tenderness and vulnerability.
Wow, what a beautiful blog, Lee! We need to model the honouring of men and women for all the true qualities and strengths that they bring, so that our children don’t even put the heavy coat on in the first place.
Wow Lee! I have never heard a man speak with such honesty about what they go into when they put on their coat. This was very healing for me to read. It is sad that men feel they need to do this and how it limits their interactions and relationships in the world. I also felt the heaviness of this coat as it drapes over women, stifling the deeply loving relationships we could all have.
Thank you for so honestly detailing the shaky foundations of this so-called equality between men and women that is so often just based on empty words and cobbled together solutions but lacks responsibility and deeper reflection.
Love this Lee. What you say about thinking you were living in equality but not really deeply feeling it is something I know so well too. I find that from being honest about these things I am able to uncover what holds me back from deeply feeling and living the equality I know men and women to be. This is deeply healing to do and reveals the true love and amazingness that is always there in me and us all.
Beautiful Lee. Women are so good at seeing what’s under the man coat and really, that’s what we want. Yet we have our own coat, and I have found when men don’t have the coat it requires us to start taking ours off as well so we know how to be with men who don’t have their coats on.. Talk about a flow on effect and an amazing thing for all. I know when I have met men without coats or with light coats on instead of heavy ones I have not known how to be with them and gotten squirmy or defensive about taking my coat off. What you have presented is gold.
Well said Emily, sometimes being around someone with no coat on can be uncomfortable, but we all know that to not go around carrying our heavy coat would be the only way we truly want.
Bring it on Lee! The more we see of the true you the more we will feel and know the gorgeous, loving, tender man that you are. This is a beautiful blog for all as the coat we wear in protection keeps us from honestly sharing the immense love, truth, intimacy, fragility and wisdom and that is within us all.
Our learned behaviours, the ways we think we should be, become a burden as we carry them around thinking they are us. When we know that we are so much more these old patterns need to be shed. They hold us back and do not serve us. But they feel so familiar they can sometimes be hard to identify. Once they are it feels amazing to let them go. Those ways that we used to protect us were capping us and those around us. The deeper we go the lighter we get.
Hi Lee, You have presented a question for me to consider, what does my coat consist of – how long have I worn it and am I willing to take it off!! I suspect most of us have a coat of some sort and it would be well worth considering its ingredients. Thanks for the prompt.
Lee, I appreciate that you are role modeling to other men the possibilities that are there for them also to drop the old, heavy coat of inequality. Even more than this, I think your message can apply to all people, regardless of gender, because inequality exists not only between the genders but also within genders. Thank you for raising an important issue in such a practical way.
Hello Lee – a man without coat – oh I love your analogy. It was a great joy for me to read your blog and so helpful to understand a bit more of all the old coats men are wearing.
Such a beautiful blog Lee. I can relate to that feeling of dipping my toe in the water as I allow myself to just feel who I am, the more I become accustomed to that feeling I also get to feel how heavy that coat is – all the ways I have lived to apparently or mistakenly protect who I truly am. Problem is I can’t swim with a heavy coat on so I am choosing to keep dipping my toe in. The more I feel me the more I get to feel that I don’t need this coat and like you shared, how no one else wants to look at such a mangy old coat anymore! the world needs us and not our coats or covers.
Wow Lee, I just love the way you write! Raw and honest, inquiring and not accepting what sits on the surface. Fascinating for us as men and women returning to explore what you have raised. As a woman, I enjoy taking care of my man, my child, my family. But I know I am equally as strong and capable, whilst there are times I drop back into my little girl too. Awesome to bring awareness to the moping and moaning 😉
The old coat seems a very apt analogy Lee. Now that it is no longer fashionable and has become rather threadbare, the dustbin of history is beckoning. Don’t worry about the cold, you can now bask in the warmth of humanity.
Beautiful analogy Lee…I would ask does the man weareth the coat or does the coat weareth the man? As you so eloquently expressed it, “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
Women wear their coats too. They are our protection against being hurt…our false identity that keeps us from being real with each other and the beautiful men in our life.
What would happen if we were to remove these coats, ever so gently, to see each other in the fullness of our true beauty?
Divinity would happen Rachel, that’s what.
These patterns have been entrenched for so long we have forgotten how to be real men. Appreciation and mutual respect is a good start. Making sure that nobody is left lesser, not even a little bit is what will bring harmony to men and women.
Lee, I am celebrating the fact that you are taking off your old coat! Truly inspirational. Thank you.
This is really beautiful to read Lee, I could feel how this old coat has weighed you down and how liberating it is to be taking it off and allowing yourself to be you without the protection.
Thank you Lee. This is a precious humble sharing from a man who is deeply tender and open. No coat here, just raw, naked and vulnerable and you’re showing the way for men and women alike to discard all the coats and overlays we put on not to show the deeply sensitive and tender brings that we innately are.
Beautifully expressed Lee- Thank you for taking off your coat and revealing the honest, tender, loving, humble man that you are to the world. It so needs that reflection.
This blog rocks.
Beautifully frank and honest, thank you Lee.
Great blog Lee, I can relate to everything you have said. Old patterns can be to shift as you said, “I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.” The key is awareness and as you have said we need the loving reflections of those around us to help us in this process.
Thank you Lee, “each time I dip my toe in, a little more of me feels a little more confident” I really like this analogy as I can relate to it in terms of stepping into my amazingness. And yes- bring on all of you 🙂
Building confidence is exactly that, building. Building yourself and re-establishing your foundations everyday. Confidence is therefore an ever evolving process that expands the more you learn to trust in your own potential and let go of what is holding you back. I agree Lee, it does feel rather like dipping your toes in the water and out of our comfort zone so to speak. Dip, come back to your foundations to build and confirm that all is steady and its safe to dip again…. then again… With each ‘dip’ we build more confidence by allowing ourselves to rise up to whatever is being presented in life and as you share Arianne, bring all of us along as we step into more of our amazingness with every dip.
How heavy is that old coat – it feels burdensome. This is a simple blog which says so much and freeing yourself of the heavy old coat would be a true gift to yourself, especially as so many men do not realise that they have it on in the first place and can indeed take it off. Great blog Lee.
Wow Lee – your blog gave me goosebumps! So honest and so beautifully expressed. It is so on point with a conversation I was having with my younger brother yesterday – it is so important that men stand up and speak openly about how it is to be a man in the world – as it supports the younger men to do the same. I will definitely be sharing your blog with him. Thank you!
Lee such an inspiration to hear a man express in the way you have in your blog with total honesty. When wearing the old heavy coat you appear to be similar to many men I have known in the past. How truly wonderful if they could also try taking off the old coat for awhile and feel the lovely lightness that is the true loving man underneath. What a wonderful world it would be!
Absolutely beautiful Lee. I love your analogy of the coat.
This coat is smelly and cold too. I know it all too well myself Lee. Not even worth anything if sold second hand! I am not wearing it so much myself any more and the changes in my life have been huge. No greater gift or joy than to be who one truly is.
Yeah Lee, and Joshua too, toss those old smelly coats on the bonfire and unleash your amazingness on us all. The real you is as lovely for us as it is for you – equally so.
Thank You Lee, I can fully understand what its like wearing that old heavy coat, best we all take them off
Lee thank you for sharing, a very apt analogy and one that I’ve been recently exploring in the difference it feels when I stand in me vs standing with one of the many coats I’m used to wearing. It’s also great to explore what equalness actually is vs what society now sees it as I.e equal pay, jobs etc..
Wow Lee, thank you for your honesty. It is lovely to feel your appreciation and love of yourself as a true man, and your appreciation and love for the women around you.
I loved that too, the appreciation and love for himself and the women around him – felt equally. Such a great blog it warmed my heart.
You are a beautiful man Lee and it is such a gift to live with you free of your old coat
I love your fragility, tenderness and our equalness.
Beautifully expressed Lee, your honesty and tenderness in this blog is deeply felt -thank you.
Time to get naked, and let go of the old heavy coat and we get to see the handsome man you are.
haha. It’s true Francisco.
The old heavy coats are out – and the raw, tender naked man is in 🙂
Lee, it’s so true that these coats and old ways are so restrictive to the tender gorgeous man underneath, and limits the depth of intimacy available with others by keeping them out. There is nothing more heart-warming than being with a man who has removed his ‘coat’ and is prepared to meet you in all of his fragility and true equalness.
Now that would be something to behold naked men walking around bearing their souls.
Thank you Lee for taking off the old, tired coat so the world can see the true man you are 🙂
I am ready to see a lot more men take off their coats and be themselves in the world. The shedding of the coats will support a woman to surrender more and be able to see what it is that she needs to let go of.
So gorgeous Lee. Taking off the security blanket of our coat opens us up to such vulnerability, of which we are so scared. But in reading your blog I have relied how deeply beautiful that vulnerability is. I always want to get it right first but the vulnerability fully exposes us and allows for healing, it allows another in as much as it allows for our true selves to come out. There is such a tenderness and honesty in it. Beautiful blog.
Yes, Nikki, it is amazing when we feel vulnerable if we can remain in that vulnerability. I am still learning that one.
Just as I am Christoph!
I too am learning to show my vulnerability consistently Christoph. I say, no more to hiding behind this thick coat but letting it go and allowing myself to just be who I naturally am. To not be afraid to express my joy and love for myself and others.
Saying the right things is something the world at the moment is easily fooled and hurt by. Your blog and claiming is very inspiring.
Lee, I love the way you write: it is always so very real, honest and tender. I also love your image of the coat as it indicates how it is a choice to put it on, or not…hence, free will is offered at all times. I am loving your new choices …and, yes, it can be deeply disturbing when we realise the extent to which our wearing of false garments has effected others in an unloving way – speaking from experience but we just need to keep making those new choices.
It is what we find beneath the coat that makes it well worth the effort to take it off.
Once you feel something really in the depth of your body you do not need any words to discuss or describe it, because you can and will live it – and this is far more powerful than any words can be.
Thank you Lee. I can feel your true appreciation for women in this blog and that is beautiful. It is not something that is commonly felt in the world for those heavy coats have been fashionable for a long time. How amazing it would be if the new trend were just this – a true openness, equality and appreciation.
I know what you mean Lee…when we can be saying all the right things and believing in the ideal of equalness but it having no depth. It’s not true because it’s not being lived, it’s not felt in the body. I can say for myself that becoming aware that the depth is not there is a great point to get to because it is allowing me to go deeper. I also agree that holding a woman dear and holding her in absolute equalness are two different things. Away with the old coats I say.
Amazing Blog Lee. Lets take this coat off for good and not even hang it up in our closet. I agree, wearing the coat is for us a safety because when we take it off we might find ourselves in a situation where we haven’t been without the coat, so we feel naked. I can say that I want to feel this “naked feeling” as I know when I do I am connected to the real me and not trying to hide under a big coat. Amazing blog thank you
Feeling the tears well up inside of me and sadness in my heart of – I too having worn this “coat of inequality” for so long.
What you wrote Lee needed to be said and I am deeply appreciative of you for having the courage to do that.
Myself and all men, carry so many hurts, which hold us from surrendering and letting go and being the deeply tender beings we are, when we allow this to happen all of humanity will benefit, and there will be much celebration.
What an honest, insightful and inspiring blog! I love the analogy. When a man chooses to wear this coat we as women have to ask ourselves what coat we are wearing? These words are gold ‘Right now I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good’. Wow!
Thank you for this honest blog Lee- beautiful how you decided to take off this coat and take responsibility about all the behaviors that come from old believes. The women in your presence must be very lucky .
Thank you Lee, and then to feel the amazing and different qualities that we all bring to our lives, if we simply connect to who we truly are, celebrating our strength and our tenderness, our delicacy and our profound natural ability to reflect the grace and beauty of the divine in our every moment.
Thank-you Lee for stepping away from the protection of the coat to reveal your true essence and that of every man. My wish is that all men get to read and reflect upon your beautiful words.
This is truly beautiful Lee. I appreciate your honesty, your willingness to shed that old coat, which at times as you say has been so heavy and to say hello to the revealed you.
Lucky women!
This is so lovely Lee. Removing the coat felt like you were able to let people in to see the real you yes, but also the loving, sensitive and sometimes vulnerable man that you are. In this your strengths also shine, as you are no longer shackled by the darkened weight of the “old coat”. Big smiles.
The old coat stinks as well Lee because we have been wearing it for so long.
Ha! That’s funny Tony – yes people can smell it a mile off! I know what you mean here Lee. I can feel that we men often have a very old guardedness or layer of protection against the world to both other men and women and it can seem difficult sometimes to drop this guard and allow our natural sensitivity and vulnerability and responsibility to be present.
It feels like a very old behaviour to me Andrew, right back to the days of the vikings, if we are to drop our guard then we are open to attack so we keep that guard up no matter what. Putting myself out there in that raw, natural state can be both frightening and freeing.
Love the coat analogy Lee. It seems that the ‘coat’ is worn by many men who don’t realise that it is on. This coat is an interwoven mess of ideals, expectations and attitudes that cause great separation to ourselves and of course women, seeing what is only ‘skin deep’ and failing to feel the sacredness and true essence of a woman.
Absolute gold Lee and so inspiring, your post deeply feeling so appreciative you are of the women in your life and yourself at the same time as you discard ‘the coat’, so symbolic. Your amazing words here get us to reflect so deeply on those areas of life in which we wear multi-coats and the damage this creates: “I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.” Wow.
Beautiful Lee, I enjoyed reading about the heavy coat of old. Thank you for sharing your tenderness – time to discard my coat.
I love the coat analogy. So simple, but true. When we are not our real selves, it is like we put on a coat, a layer for protection. And it is just a matter of choosing to take it off to bare (not literally!) all and to be vulnerable.
It’s lovely to feel equal when speaking with a man, I never realised that men were so gentle, loving and vulnerable just like women until being involved in Universal Medicine.
Dear Lee reading your blog was like a cleansing and healing wash over my heart. Your expression is sublime. Thank you for this deeply felt sharing.
I could feel the weight of the coat you speak of Lee, and the tender true man that emerged from it. It is such a joy to feel a man, you, express in this open, vulnerable and beautiful way. Love this analogy and reminder for us all, to revisit our ‘wardrobes’ and discard any coats that may be covering the exquisiteness of what lies beneath. Thank you.
So well said Victoria. The beauty of the emerging man can be felt so strongly when reading this blog.
Wow Lee. This is truly beautiful especially for a woman to read. I’ve never read anything from a man being so honest about the expectations that come with the “old coat” of gender roles, and his desire to leave it all behind. How beautiful to share in the inner workings of a man reclaiming himself back to his original essence. What a blessing this is to read.
Thank you Lee, your words are so honest and it is a great reminder for me to take off my coat too. As a woman I can relate to everything you have said, we are essentially all the same, putting on layers upon layers to hide and protect which brings us further and further away from our truth and who we are.
Lee, that was a great blog allowing me to feel into what it’s like to wear the coat of a man. It seems we all have coats, man or women, and it’s time we all took them off.
Lee there are many reasons why I love your article. Firstly I see a lot of the world in pictures and so your description of the heavy coat of ingrained behaviour was so wonderful and perfect ! Secondly when I read your description ‘mope and moan’ I laughed out loud (twice). Thirdly because your description of wearing a piece of clothing to symbolize the role that we have all been playing is perfect. Us women have been wearing a dressing gown for years that once we put it on turns us into house proud worriers who fuss around their families ! Oohh it’s time to take off these worn out garments and reveal what’s been underneath them all along ! Abra cadabra !
A beautiful, tender expression Lee and a wonderful analogy with the old coat. It’s time all men removed their coats and expressed from who they true are.
Thanks Lee, indeed as men taking the coat off and even nominating that we are wearing one is part of the healing process. As men we have been hiding under it for too long in order to feel protected or to avoid rejection. It is time to get rid of it and embrace our vulnerability and tenderness and let others see us for who we truly are.
Awesome Lee. So much of our push for gender equality is based on changing the behaviour of men and rightly so, but what we have not done as a society is to question the deeper undercurrents that are at the cause of the divide between men and women. So, men are definitely changing their behaviour, but underneath they are still holding the same prejudices. It is just that they know how to play the game a little better now so as not to make it obvious – even to themselves. Ask a man if he holds women equally and he will most likely say yes. But then observe his behaviour more carefully, catch him when he is not so guarded and you will see that we have a long way to go before men openly admire and respect women equally for who they truly are and all that they can potentially bring to the world. I work in the construction industry, and too many men still only see women as a billboard for breasts and bums before they even stop to consider that beneath the way a woman looks is a human being worth connecting for no other reason than they are who they are.
Thank you Lee for this beautiful sharing , what a lovely feeling to take this old coat off and burn it never to put it on again and yes the women in our lives have inspired us and have been so patient watching us struggle with this old heavy coat.How beautiful it is to meet women with out this coat..
I agree Paul, lets burn the coat!
I love your analogy Lee of taking off the old coat, so simple, but the visual and feeling that comes with it is really revealing. Your strength, openness and tenderness is deeply felt.
So beautiful and honest Lee. It is a call to all men and woman to remove our coats and always see the true man or woman that we are. This is the new era fashion statement.
Very touching Lee. Your openness and vulnerability is the true strength of any man.
The coat is a role, is a denial, is a protection, is a pretend, is a need, is a hurt, is a guilt, is a lie. Shedding it off or even just nominating it is a confession, an exposure, a willingness – and a choice to just being one natural self, as a man or a woman.
Divine expression Lee. Beautiful to feel the honesty, openess and tenderness. I feel like I’ve melted reading your words.
thank you Lee for dropping the coat and showing all of you, so all men and women get the possibility to see in themselves the true equality that lies in our tender and sensitive and loving nature.
Such a gorgeous blog Lee and a great analogy. Your awareness of the coat and the hurt it causes you and another, plus your desire to shed yourself of it to stand as the true man you are, is nothing short of inspirational. Thank you for showing us even just a glimpse of the amazingness that lies underneath what we have comfortably worn for too long through your deep appreciation of the women in your life. Just beautiful.
Lee, such a beautiful blog. I cried when I read it. My tears were for your deep honesty, your appreciation of women and also from my side of being the coat wearer too. There was also a sadness for what we are all missing when we put on the coat and go into an us and them mentality, then we are so missing out on what each other have to so naturally and beautifully offer, which is our true and amazingly gorgeous selves in our own unique but equally lovely expression.
Lee, this really touched me deeply. I could feel your appreciation of women.
Lee it must be such a relief to take that coat off, it felt so heavy and as Ryoko said, out dated.
Thankyou Lee. Time to get that coat off!
It sounds that the coat is very old and dated. It’s great to know that you have taken it off! Thank you Lee for writing this.
Thank you Lee, to read this was a pleasure indeed. It’s great that more and more men and women are realising that they have heavy coats on and are now becoming aware that they no longer serve anyone.
This is such an honest, beautiful expression. When we have been wearing a coat for too long, that’s normal and we don’t even feel its heaviness, or how uncomfortable it is and how it doesn’t really suit us.
That was beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. I feel that equality in your words as even though you shared from your position as a man I could equally relate as a woman with my own old, heavy coat. The part I really loved was “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.” – This stood out for me like a giant billboard. I only want to be me, to be love, but sometimes I have focused too much on the coat, it’s not a bashing but a clarity of what I want in life. Thank you.
Like you Leigh, I loved these words of Lee’s: “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.” What a beautiful and incredibly freeing realisation for him: one that I can relate to simply by replacing the word “man” with, “woman”.
Super honest contribution about how unreal, dishonest and condescending this so-called equalness between men and women in its old coat really is and that it doesn’t serve anyone, least of all the men.
Yay! Taking off the coat .
I like how you noted that when women/others see the true you under the coat it helps you take the coat off a bit more. For me, this means we all have a part to play in this coat business for men. The development is definitely intertwined with those around you. Beautiful blog Lee.
This is such a beautifully honest expression from a man. The pressures on all of us to be something we are not seem immense at times. The choice to step out from under them is one of true love. I find the analogy of a heavy coat can be equally applied to my life at the moment as I examine thread by thread the coat of motherhood (and other things) I have chosen to cover up the true woman I am. Thank you for the inspiration Lee.
“The pressures on all of us to be something we are not seem immense at times.”. These words are so true Michelle, and I can really feel that the pressures are the “heavy coat” that we choose to wear. It is so amazing when we are able to remove the coat for a while, to feel the lightness and the freedom, even if it is just for a moment. Like you, I have been inspired by Lee, to honestly examine the coat and to know that I no longer need to wear it.
Wow I have rarely felt the true tenderness of a man expressing like this before. I am deeply humbled by the depth of quality and honesty
You took the words right out of my mouth Jaime.
Women wear an old coat as well – even if it has a few frills around the hem! We cloak ourselves in how we think we ‘ought’ to be and how we think others expect us to behave. We have all been players in this game of separating men from women. How liberating to drop the cloak and dance together in equalness.
Brilliant article Lee. I relate to it well and that when I am not being me how it affects others as well.
Our development is so intertwined with both men and women, each offering a different perspective on what there is to be felt. Appreciating that I am able to evolve with both.
Yes, the coat has got to go, I can feel the weight of the coat I wear and how much lighter and more vital I would feel if I took it off for good.
Another blindingly good blog Lee, thank you for sharing.
It is wonderful that you have not only realised you have a coat on but that it has become too heavy. Lovely piece of writing Lee, thank you.
This is just as good the second time you read it! 🙂
Very beautiful analogy concerning the ‘coat’, I can relate to this in men and women also, we can carry so many habits and behaviours with us, we imagine it is protection but only results in keeping us separate and not connected to others. Thank you for sharing this blog.
The way men and women treat each other in so many ways can be appalling, the time and consideration you have taken to investigate this is amazing. I know I have taken part in this game, and it’s good to call it for what it is, take off our old coats and bring back loving, equal deeply respectful relationships.
I love this blog and keep coming back to it. I can feel that in a way we have many different coats or layers on, some more obvious than others. By listening to my body and being honest about whether I am feeling ‘heavy’ or ‘stifled’ or ‘constricted’ I know when I am living with a coat between me and the world or not. I guess the best way to live would be to be ‘butt naked’ energetically … with no shields or barriers just the real, raw, tender me with the world.
I can understand what you are saying here Andrew, standing bare in your truth means no constrictions, no heavy coat to carry around. How freeing that would be!
The sun shines equally on men and women, we can all come out from under the heavy coats we have been wearing.
Great analogy Lee. I can relate to the feeling of the ‘old coat’ myself being weighed down by expectations and habitual behaviours that the world has told me I need to be, to be a man. It does feel tiring wearing that coat around everywhere. Also a great reminder that when we are struggling to be our true self it is not just a personal struggle with self but it actually affects everyone around us and ‘the old heavy coat’ does not just weigh us men down, but everyone else too, including the wonderful women in our lives.
“And I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me.” this is beautiful Lee. Sometimes it seems so easy to ride off into the distance alone in an attempt to fix or change what you’ve just discovered about or for yourself. Little do we realise that probably half the reason we’re in this position in the first place is because we stepped away from true brotherhood and the love we all share and are part of together, as one.
Hi Lee, thank you for your honesty, it must have been such a relief to take off the heavy old coat that you wore every where you went, and realising it was never needed, it was just weighing you down and stopping you from feeling the real you.
well done for freeing yourself of the old coat – you must feel a lot lighter now!
Dear Lee, thank you for sharing so openly – I can feel your sensitivity. It’s a big step to recognising that we are even wearing a coat, let alone being willing to take that coat off. Thank you for the inspiration.
I really love how you write about taking the coat off for good. There is such permanence and absoluteness to this. Like this is not something you are just trying out or playing with. This is real and you are committed to it. Truly inspiring.
Yes I feel your words strongly Lee – especially the bit about looking like I honour equality between men and women. The truth is, and I feel that I speak for many men, as a man I have secretly enjoyed being a man for being the dominant gender. It is really horrible to feel how deeply ingrained it is. That is why I have had to say and do all the right things about gender equality to cover up what I have quietly and guiltily harboured. It is time to shed this heavy coat because it doesn’t only harm women, it also harms men very deeply, because as long as we continue to be dominant, we will not be able to accept and feel our own tenderness.
Your blogs are always so honest Lee, I love that you share all of you in what you write. Thanks for your reflection.
I love this blog, such a simple analogy which says so much. I loved the bit when you write about dipping your toe in and feeling more confident – this is so true.
This is such an open and honest piece of writing. The tenderness of the man you are glows in every word.
Love the blog, and the exquisite way you peel off the old coat to reveal the tender man underneath. Also I was struck by your opening paragraph about how this process of finding out more about ourselves is akin to slowly immersing ourselves in the swimming pool and that this is simply the next thing with lots more understanding to come. Thanks Lee
Awesome Lee, very honest and very inspiring. Like a lot of men I am meeting I am making choices that allow me to take this coat off for good.
Thank you Lee. That is truly beautiful. I, too, am taking off this coat.
Dear Lee, This is the awesome honesty that brings us home.
I have felt some guilt around this issue, knowing that I have allowed/gone along with this coat men wear as if they couldn’t help it. Many women have aided and abetted in this way. Now, with honesty and more awareness I can see who you really are and be a true support to you reclaiming that!
Hi Lee, What a tender blog straight from the beautiful and truly loving man that you are, it felt delicate to me. Thank you
Thank you for sharing Lee, it is beautiful to read you claiming yourself as the man you want to be, the man you truly are, not the man that is a product of generations of ideas as to what a man should be.
Lee your honesty is inspirational, thank you for taking the time to really find out what it means to be a true man and to share it with us 🙂
This is truly extraordinary writing.
Absolutely Catherine, I can feel the heaviness of that old coat!. Lee, this is an great article, men and women be ready to be inspired, thank you for sharing, the depth of your honesty is amazing
A very touching and honest blog Lee. Really inspiring for me to read and its an opening for discussions we can all have about the coats we wear, both men and women.
I really enjoyed reading this article. And, like Debra, it made me feel uncomfortable about the coats I and so many women wear. If I put on a coat of the dutiful and compliant little woman then it should come as no surprise if that is how I am treated. If I feel the beautiful woman that I am inside the, now discarded, coat then that is who I am.
Wow Lee, those words are so profound, so honest and so true! I too am discovering what it is to be me, and seeing how my also very heavy coat ( as you so beautifully put) affects me and all around me- particularly our family and those we are close to, but in truth it affects ALL! Firstly it hurts us because all the while we choose to put this coat on it suffocates and denies the true self within, secondly it imposes on others and shows them that we have to be something rather then ourselves, it asks them to be something also, and lastly the world needs the real us, all of us, and the coat hides this amazing way of being with one another. Thank you for sharing your truth on this subject, it has helped me to go a little deeper into my own understanding….
Awesome writing Lee, thank you.
Truly a beautiful amazing sharing. You are a true poet; this is the first time I have felt the burden of that coat for men. Thank you Lee, for sharing your tenderness but also for bringing a greater depth of awareness to this for men.
The DIP… Thanks for expressing in such an honest and vulnerable way Lee. It brought tears to my eyes and I have no doubt you have inspired other men too.
So honest, open and tender. Thank you Lee. I’m still wiping the tears away… beautiful tears!
Great blog Lee, your honesty cuts through all the other stuff and I love the coat analogy.
Nice work Lee, so easy to say the right words and to wear a ‘coat’ no mater how uncomfortable – to look the part.
Kapow!
Beautifully expressed Lee, the unfolding, or undressing (of the “coat”, old way of being) is truly a liberating experience – thanks for sharing.
“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.”
Devastating.
I felt very very sad within myself, realising that it is like this in my life as well. I feel that I’ve denied the impact I have. It’s up to me whether the impact is Glorious or devastating. Amazingly crazy that I’ve fooled myself for such a long time. And I can feel there’s still a part of me trying to hold on to this, being proud of this. And how I feel that I want to deny this, feeling ashamed to be proud of something so cold and unloving like this. It’s almost that I need to hold on to this because I don’t want to feel the hurt of separation between me and women. I feel that I want to hold them to ransom. And the hardness and anger underneath. Which brings me to:
“Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.”
I don’t (want to) feel this. There’s a part that wants to hang on to the believe that women are not to be trusted – allthough while writing I feel that inside of me I’m celebrating their love and trust. So why holding on to it… Thank you Lee, your blog is an amazing support and healing for me and all men I feel.
I have had the privilage of gathering once a week with other men, just like yourself Lee, who are also looking to discard this very heavy and imprisoning old coat and return to being who they truly are. Each week we sit and support each other, and the willingness to be honest and get to the bottom of the imprisoning program that we have all been running in for so long consistently blows me away. It is time we show the world who we truly are, that true strength lies in tenderness and expose the lie that we have been sold for so long.
Wow Lee what an amazing blog. It’s very healing as a woman to hear your words. Your vulnerability and sensitivity comes through so clearly and is beautiful to feel.
Love your honesty Lee, thank you for sharing.
Heart-felt thanks Lee. We feel blessed to have such a man amongst us.
As Lee discovers more about himself, connecting more to how sensitive and tender he is and to the fact that wearing a heavy coat does not allow him or anyone else to see or feel this, I can only love him more, in fact I find it very sexy. So don’t just take the coat off, make sure it is put in the trash, disposed of for good. So you cannot decide to go back and wear it again.
Simply amazing Lee!