Equalness and Being a Man

by Lee Green, humbled man, Perth

I am a man and am piecing together what it truly is to be me. This process is fascinating and akin to dipping my toe in the water – unsure about the ‘water temperature’ but knowing I want to swim. The amazing thing is that each time I dip my toe in, a little more of me feels a little more confident – then something else is presented. At this time, it is ‘equalness’… the equalness between men and women.

What is this ‘equalness’? I have only just realised that my mouth has been saying all the right things and my gestures portray a tolerance of this equalness, and yet there is no depth to it. It doesn’t feel real. It actually feels a bit like an old, heavy coat, passed down from generation to generation to show ‘our women folk’ that they are considered and held dear. And yet, as I sit with this coat on, it still feels empty and not at all equal.

So what is the payoff? Is it there to protect us from something? The pride of a man, protected by an old, heavy coat… The possibility that the man has strayed ‘oh so far from his true way’ or ‘lost his true way’, that the coat now acts as a security blanket?! Just in case anyone should find out that I am just playing a ‘role’ and am hiding my true self from the world – a tender and loving self.

The coat prevents us from stopping and saying, “You know what? This has been happening in our house, in our home, for too long… It feels wrong and I cannot keep up with the falseness any longer. I am a man who is finding my way back, and yet in that return I am still doggedly holding on to the fact that I must be stronger, earn more, be looked after, taken care of, held when I want, have sex when I want, do my hobby, mope and moan, and act like a little boy… Our terms are always so selfish, aren’t they?”

Pause.

“It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”

“Right now, I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.”

“I can also see that when I put the coat on it not only changes me but impacts you, and that it hurts us both. I never saw that before… I never felt that before, or the pain that you suffer when I choose the coat and its inequalities, over true equality.”

Devastating.

Hello world! I am taking off this old, tired coat so you can see me now as the man I truly am.

And I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me. The women I live with are so patient, loving and amazing. Yes, extremely patient. And I am very appreciative.

372 thoughts on “Equalness and Being a Man

  1. You’re a beautiful person Lee, thank you for expressing so openly your return to your true self, what you have encountered along the way, and the support of women in your life. “I can see quite clearly that the amazing woman you are doesn’t see the coat but the ‘true me’, and that your trust in the ‘true me’ is the helping hand I need to get this coat off for good.” I really enjoy seeing the true person, but surprisingly I see it the least in myself – what a great insight to receive in this moment. Thank you Lee for your beautiful writing, although it’s short you show that a deep quality and richness can still be expressed. Very much written from your heart, thank you.

  2. It’s a compression coat, making smaller whoever wears it and yet we are taught that without it we can’t function in life. That’s simply not true.

  3. Lee thank goodness there are more and more men such as yourself out there in the world thanks to the reflection of Serge Benhayon who lives in such a way that allows men to see that it is okay to be sensitive and caring towards themselves and women and children. It is so needed as I was sitting with a group of men and when men get together I have noticed they seem to pitch themselves against each other. It was like being with a group of Gladiators in full armour there were no swords or shields but the banter was as sharp and as devastating as any sword. We use words now to cut each other down not swords but at least when using a sword you can see you have been slashed open and wounded however with words you cannot see the wound but the effect was still the same. why do we do this to ourselves and each other what’s the point of it all. Does one-upmanship get us anywhere …no.

  4. It’s so supportive to have a person in our life that does see the true person, the true essence of who we are, even when we ourselves separate from our essence and don some kind of outer ‘coat’.

  5. I can feel how I as a woman was demanding the old coat be changed, not even considering the possibility that I had a part to play in making sure it is warm enough and no coat is needed.

  6. “I also know that no man is an island, and that my own development is intertwined with those around me.” It is only by uniting can we regain our true self and then we can have equality.

  7. Honest and beautifull allowing yourself to feel all that is you and all that is not you. And yes ‘no man is an island’ and our development is definitely intertwined with those around us.

  8. Lee I feel that both men and women wear the coat you describe so well
    “It is not that I want to be this man, but this coat is so heavy and I have been wearing it for so long that some days I only see the coat, and not who I am at all.”
    It seems to me we are held down by a consciousness that doesn’t want any of us to wake up and realise who we truly are we are all like puppets on a string that is being pulled by an as yet unseen master. I feel this consciousness holds us down through our movements. We need to change the way we move to break free of this domination. But first comes the realisation that we are held down and back from who we truly are.

  9. As our true reflection flashes before our eyes we need to understand that is all anyone needs, as our True-Refection is the greatest gift we can give. Thank you Lee, and may I share that the deep-humble-appreciate-ness we have for each other is part of any True Reflection.

  10. What are our payoffs for those things we hang onto and when they do exist (the payoffs that is) are they really worth it and what is their impact on us and others … this questioning really allows us to unravel how we are and what we’ve taken on and how in fact it’s not who we are or doesn’t serve us or another.

  11. I love how you put the words in your amazing blog Lee. It is so easy to understand what you have so honestly shared even if some of us do not want to understand it it will move under your skin!

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