Esoteric Student? It’s about a Commitment to Love

by Kylie Kennedy, Brisbane, Australia

Coming out and saying I am an esoteric student has brought up so much fear in me. Why? Fear about being seen as ‘different’ or ‘weird’; people may make fun of me, and all of the media cult accusations have made this a bigger fear. However, it is because of the unfairness of the media attack that I can no longer hide the fact that I am an esoteric student.

But what does it mean that I am an esoteric student? First and foremost, I would like to highlight the word ‘student’: according to the dictionary it means, “Any person who studies, investigates or examines thoughtfully.” As for the word ‘esoteric’, I understand it by its oldest meaning, “inner-most”, or “inner-heart”. So as a ‘student of the esoteric’, I am simply someone who has made a commitment to make my life about love – to learn and understand my inner-most – so that I can be all of who I am in all that I do, and with everyone I meet. By no means do I claim to be ‘perfect’. Being an esoteric student means that there is a commitment with yourself, not with any person or organisation, but with yourself. It is a commitment to build a life based on love.

Growing up, I was always an outcast – I was picked on not only by other children, but by adults as well; I had a woman tell me at the age of 10 that she hated me because I reminded her of her sister. I was called fat and so only naturally I grew up with insecurity about my weight. As time went on I became a teenager, and like any teenager I tried to find my way. To deal with my insecurities and to stop being picked on, I joined a gang; I started drinking and getting drunk during the day at 14 years of age, ditching school and doing graffiti on properties.

I did all of this because I wanted to fit in, because I wanted to belong, because inside I was screaming for attention – I was screaming to be loved. But I didn’t find it as part of a gang. Luckily for me I had a mother who removed me from this situation and sent me off to live with my dad. I then grew into a young lady, a so-called adult in society. But really what this meant was that at age 18 I was now legally able to buy my own cigarettes and alcohol and go to pubs and clubs. In my search to belong and to ‘find love’ I sought male attention, and I was not alone in this, as so too did my girlfriends. A great night out was based on how much male attention you received when out at the pubs and clubs.

In my early twenties I discovered that there was more to life and there was more to living. For the first time in my life I felt loved, and the strange thing was that this feeling of love didn’t come from another person, from family, friends, nor from a boyfriend… it came from me. I started to learn that I can love myself, and this might sound up myself, but we have all heard the saying “You cannot love another until you love yourself”; well, I was discovering this love for myself.

Today my life is about love.  I am not perfect in that, even though I try. Today I have a beautiful partner and a beautiful child, our relationship is open and honest and we strive to communicate with each other all the time. Because of this we hardly argue or fight, and there is a deepening of appreciation for each other and what each of us offers to our relationship. This is because we have made the choice to choose love in our lives. It is so simple yet so powerful – don’t get me wrong, we still have our issues – but it’s the choice to talk about it, to express it openly and honestly with each other, and not let it fester into resentment of each other, that each day we appreciate each other more and more.

So once again I find myself in a place where I can crumble under the scrutiny of the media and a few members of society, or I can continue to choose love.

I will always continue to choose love.

I am a student learning to reimprint my life with love, and in the process I am discovering how amazingly beautiful life can be in all that I am and in all I that do, and in all the people I meet. I am learning to treat everyone equally and with love. As a student and a human being there are times when I am not loving, but I choose to get back up again and keep making that choice. I am by no means perfect, but I have the power to make choices and choose how I live my life.

246 thoughts on “Esoteric Student? It’s about a Commitment to Love

  1. Committing to being an ‘esoteric student’ means nothing more than committing to being true to your true-self. Finding what that is, is pretty easy for most but learning to hold it in life is the trickier part. The commitment to doing so, to constantly getting back up and continuing on, learning from mistakes etc is the hard work part.

    1. Yes I really appreciate what you and Kylie share here Jenny, it is about getting back up and working at it again. Unpeeling the layers of not being true to our true selves. That should be championed by us and thankfully, the fact we dogedly get back up will encourage others to do the same.

  2. It’s crazy and destructive when we go looking for love in all the wrong places, and it’s not just a women thing either, as guys do this also – hooking up with anyone for a one night stand. But what you have described Kylie puts an end to the searching and putting ourselves into unhealthy situations, and it is all so simple.

  3. A very beautiful sharing Kylie. Ultimately it comes down to that decision, to choose love or not. And it’s always there to be chosen – love.

  4. Thank you Kylie for sharing your loving relationship with yourself and family, Without perfection there is always the choice to choose love again when we step away from the love that we innately are. Love is only a breath away.

  5. A commitment to build a life based on love is life worth aspiring to, the media can attack and say what they do, but they cannot take this choice away from us or the absolute beauty that comes from it.

  6. I like this definition of an esoteric student – someone who is committed to forever keep learning how to return to way of living that has love and the impulses of the inner heart as its compass. By this definition I also would call myself a student of the esoteric.

  7. “I am learning to treat everyone equally and with love. As a student and a human being there are times when I am not loving, but I choose to get back up again and keep making that choice. I am by no means perfect, but I have the power to make choices and choose how I live my life.” I love this Kylie, a simple dedication to live life as lovingly as we can, to the best of our ability, and always being open to learn more and more.

  8. Being an active student of life and myself is very humbling and allows space to understand the coinciding relationships between everything. Seeing life as an unfolding response to our choices means that each situation, each moment is an opportunity to learn, grow and deepen in what I know about myself and life.

  9. Before I encountered Universal Medicine being a student for me usually meant having someone above me who I might totally despise yet had to show my respect as my teacher – I used to have a huge problem with that. Being an esoteric student is very different – I guess, a simple choice to live by the inner-most qualifies that. There’s nothing to achieve, no goal banner hanging in distance. It makes me very appreciative and humble. Yes, we are imperfect and we keep making mistakes, and we keep getting back up – as this love never leaves us.

  10. Being an esoteric student is a pretty awesome thing and a great start to re-connecting with what is true within all the falsity in this world. To study ourselves and our relationship with love is very interesting indeed and can reveal a lot about what is going on with ourselves and others and therefore it can bring great understanding into our lives.

  11. What I find funny about human life is that there is a part of us that loves being an individual but at the same time, we don’t like to be seen as too different from others so we still have that sense of belonging. Quite contradictory isn’t it.

  12. Learning to treat everyone equally includes ourselves so as we open our heart to love others we equally have to open our heart to love ourselves. A beautiful and loving antidote to comparison, competition and jealousy.

  13. Good on you Kylie. The word esoteric is very misunderstood and as a result creates a mystery that can be exploited. From my experience, the esoteric has to be felt in the body, it is a study of our inner most and develops a deep connection with the One we are all from.

  14. It’s the getting back up part that’s key, we’re perfect and a commitment to love is not about that, but about committing to making life about love and when we fall over with that, which we will, we continue and make our next move about love. That’s one of the most important things I’ve learned and am still learning being an esoteric student, a student of my own innermost.

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