by Joel L, Australia
I was reading the blog by Otto Bathurst (I’m just an Ordinary Man) and was blown away by the recognition that at some level I still want the world to see how great the esoteric is and how much better life can be with it. This desire for others ‘to get it’ leads to painting a sometimes overly ‘perfect picture’ of the esoteric.
Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck.
The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy. Every time I make the choice to connect to this place within myself, it is there – steady, ready and available. I have heard this same experience from people who were raised in different religions to me, grew up in different countries, are a different gender, from a different socio-economic background, have a different type of education or vocation… it seems the esoteric does not make a distinction.
Living life through that connection to myself means that while I still have to deal with everything life throws at me (and the stuff I create), ‘the spin’ (emotion, stress, etc) is not there with it. Of course, every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.
Knowing this choice, I now know there is a part of me that won’t let go of a thought, or even dwells on it and makes it bigger. That part of me feeds off the emotion and even defends that emotion. In essence, there is part of me committed to NOT being joyful.
I would like to say that all I need to do is shut my eyes and ‘be with me’ and it’s all perfect, but the truth is different. When I let myself get swept up in the spin and then say ‘it’s enough’ and do what I know I need to do to ‘reconnect to me’, very little happens. This is not because the esoteric is not true, but because I have walked further away from myself than I would care to admit. It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.
Just because the esoteric doesn’t discriminate and is available to all equally, doesn’t mean there are no consequences from not making that choice. I made the bed, now I have to lie in it, until I choose to make it a different way.
The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice. This empowerment does not come from someone else (although learning from others can be inspiring), the empowerment comes from my understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.
The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.
How can we have this duality within us, and why would we choose suffering over joy? Where does that come from?
Words on Serge Benhayon 
There is a part of us that wants to sabotage the essence we can feel that is so yummy to connect to because of our desire to be an individual. This gives us recognition from others whether it be that we are down and out or very rich, this part of us which is our spirit doesn’t care as long as it gets what it wants. Most of us have little awareness that we have been controlled by our spirit for so long and so feel that being emotional is an accepted way of life.
I realize I always have a choice to remain with myself in conscious presence, not in all the unnecessary chatter that my mind loves to present to me in abundance.
What an amazing choice that is, to be in conscious presence, ‘living life through that connection to myself means that while I still have to deal with everything life throws at me (and the stuff I create), ‘the spin’ (emotion, stress, etc) is not there with it.’
“The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.” For me just to acknowledge this fact, immediately bring me back to how easily I can loose connection with myself and go into struggle, then it will be worthwhile, while all the time the opposite is the case, simplicity, connection, love and joy. Why struggle?
I am starting to understand why I choose hardship, struggle and emotion, I have found it supportive to see that it is the need for identification, which means to me any identity I create that separates me from the divine soul I am and all it’s love, stillness and joy.
I agree Joel, it makes no sense that we seem to focus on our suffering and hardship over the joy. Is it possible that we have been lead to believe via a reflection that life is hard and that’s all there is so suck it up.
But when we remember to connect to our inner most, our essence, then we can actually feel something different and if we nurture and deepen the connection that we feel then life changes and we can feel the joy of life again.
I am wondering whether I might have turned this perfect imperfection into an indulgence of mine. The esoteric is perfect – I agree, but the part that is trying to have a relationship with it often wants to play by its own rules, and sometimes I could not quite deny the falseness in my own seeming earnestness – if that makes sense.
Being accepting of the fact that we have a duality rather than not makes more sense of whats going on in life. Instead of rejecting this notion and keeping it purely in the ‘ill-mental health bin’.
Perfection has become a trap or bed we wish to lay in, that is by our own making and understanding our imperfections and loving them from our essence is the start of our healing, but not to be perfect but simply reflect a Truer way of being.
We are here to live love, to live and reflect truth and love.
“esoteric does not make a distinction.” The esoteric, the inner-most, is the spark and light of God that is equally within us all.
We tend to associate the word esoteric with something that is outside of us and exclusive to some. Nothing further away from truth. There is a path that allows us to connect to a series of beautiful qualities, an inner sense of fantastic beauty that is able to move us from within away from where we have placed ourselves in life to try to cope with it. The esoteric changes our long-established relationship with ourselves and life.
The bitter pill most of us has to swallow is “. . . the empowerment comes from my understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.” We have to be honest to ourselves most do not like to purposefully chose to make the next choice easier as with that there will be guaranteed more responsibility we have to deal with and that is not everybody’s cup of tea.
Bringing back responsibility into our lives is essential.
‘The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.’ This is huge as it means we need to stop blaming others and blaming the world for where we are or what’s going on in our lives and instead take responsibility for being exactly where we are at.
And the bigger picture is that we all have to at some point take a collective responsibility for the mess we have made because we have as a group consciousness made choices and not taken responsibility for them this is why we all suffer the consequences through illness and disease.
I have recently been looking at how I do and don’t support myself and what the outcomes are for me. As confounding as it is when I’m not doing well there is an energy within me that wants to perpetuate it by resisting support. I’m getting better and better at responding lovingly to myself at those times knowing the longer term consequences if I don’t.
And another thing that I get reminded here is humility and dedication. “Deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.” This is such a great analogy. Going through every room and every shelf is how the decision to clean the house is supported and enacted. What I can feel is how I want to shout out my decision without living in the way that would validate the decision. Funny how we reverse things. If I truly wanted to have my house clean, I would be cleaning it anyway and I would not need a banner that says ‘I decided that I want to have my house to be clean’.
You are touching upon something really important here, I feel. Esoteric is true, but we often allow time in between that truth and our movement, by interpreting, filtering and converting, then out comes something not quite as true. I keep getting this sense that there is a completely different way of being that is completely different from what I know it to be. Something happens immediately and that process challenges my want for owning it.
Joy just is, it is innately in all of us when we connect to our innermost, hardship, pain and suffering all have emotion and a story attached to them, and this then gives up the identification outside of us that we are looking for.
Esoteric Healing is a great complement to Western Medicine, and yes it’s a complement not an alternative, and it’s never portrayed as anything else; in fact some people who engage with Universal Medicine can have attitudes which were previously almost anti-western medicine and find themselves re-engaging with western medicine with a greater understanding that it’s part of their self-care. To suggest that Universal Medicine is anti-western medicine in any way is just false. And the question I would raise is why this falsehood is being created? What exactly is there in what Universal Medicine presents which has some vilifying it? Especially given that many who engage with it live more vital, engaged and committed lives? Surely we all want this?
It’s like we’re on a bungee cord, the further out we go the bigger the bounce back and so it is when we step away from ourselves, the further we go with this the bigger the outplays for us.
We do have a choice… And that is the simple fact that humanity has to understand at some stage.
Making life more complicated is led by this incessant need to be recognised as an individual and to make life about ourselves and our struggles. That way we absolve ourselves of any responsibility to make life about purpose; after all how can we make life about others when we are too bogged down with our own dramas.
Making life about purpose and what are we here to bring for humanity.
Great to read this again Joel, and it’s very true about the inner-most that “every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.” It’s very black and white, there is no middle ground. And yes, through our own folly we must live the consequences of our actions until we decide it’s not loving to choose the stress and misery, and we commit to love.
Yes Melinda, I totally agree with you the choice to connect or not to connect is entirely up to us, or to be left open to whatever energy is around us is quite devastating for our body to receive.
To live from our essence, in connection to who we are in truth supports our well-being; so why do so many still choose stress and complication, ‘we must live the consequences of our actions until we decide it’s not loving to choose the stress and misery, and we commit to love.’
Another incredibly wise offering Joel. I could relate to wanting everyone else to get they have an esoteric inner centre as well and painting an overly rosey picture of what that looks like. I can feel that actually puts a lot of pressure on me to be ‘perfect’ and creates yet another ideal – so evil and struggle win again! To accept that the esoteric ‘works’ when we connect to and live it in its purity, but isn’t a magic pill is important. It may not look like we expect it to and certainly wont be perfect.
Thank you Joel, just what I needed to read at this moment “It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.”.
The moment we create pictures of how life ‘should’ look and place expectations on them we correspondingly need to accept that eventually these pictures will most likely will get smashed.
Great questions why do we choose suffering over joy … seems crazy but I know for me that the suffering is very familiar and dare I say it comfortable and with the joy I stand out … so I’m learning to let go the suffering and embrace more the joy, it’s not perfect and I often slip but I’m looking at it and that’s huge.
It’s so true… When we reconnect to who we truly are, we do have a choice and that is the thing that most people indeed most of humanity feels that it does not have a choice.
Joel, it’s a great point you make about what we are truly committed to, as we can as human beings make commitments to things that are truly not supportive, yet we can tightly grasp on to these familiar but harmful ways of being. In the surrender and letting go we can reconnect back to our true state of being, to the love and the joy.
‘Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck’. Hmmm Let me guess is the writer Australian? :-)… I love the constant quirky wonderful wise writings of this man
I have the strong sense that joy is innate in us all. Therefore, where we are not naturally joy-full, we have created misery. As Joel shares here it is hard to fathom why we would do this…but knowing we have the choice is a great step forward in our awareness.
It’s a good distinction you have made Richard between what is naturally there, i.e., our love and joy, and when we leave that to be anything other than those qualities then we are creating.
Understanding that there’s a part that does want to avoid joy helps as well. I can ask myself in moments of tension “What am I avoiding?” In reference to what part of my innately joy-full being is being avoided?
Your words on our commitment to hardship, struggle and pain, and the duality of choosing joy and love instead really speaks to every human being, the duality is a commonality we all have, the confounding part is wanting love and joy and continually choosing the opposite. Serge Benhayon’s work has made this now so much clearer for me in understanding that by reconnecting to and learning to live from the inner-most heart I can actually live love and joy everyday.
A great article Joel, I can give into the struggle and hardship as a known way of being because it has been so comfortable, not in the true sense but in the sense that it is familiar and I have identified that as me. Learning that it is not me, just part of my ideals and beliefs sometime takes time before I choose to reconnect to the love and joy that lives within.
In the suffering we are comfortable, it is known. It’s kind of like a song that you dislike plays over and over on the radio and then a few weeks later you hear it when you are out to dinner and you are on a date, it’s in the background, faint and before you know what you are saying you say, “I know this song, I like it”
It is not that you actually like it, it’s just been around so long, it kind of tricks you into thinking its a part of you.
What you outline in your article is so true, I know that sometimes I get so attached to helping others that are struggling that I try to sell a picture rather than just communicate things the way they are, what you are offering, as usual is priceless, thank you Joel!
The other part of the known of suffering is knowing others are comfortable with that, but they are not necessarily comfortable with our love and joy and when we express how amazing we are.
Joel your words “The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering” really reminded me how we have a choice in every moment, and to choose who we truly are holds a great deal of power, a stark difference to living in the patterns that make us feel comfortable even when they don’t bring us physical comfort.
There are some that prefer the struggle and drama in life as it stimulates them and gives them some identification in someway, everyone has freewill to either choose joy or struggle – but seems crazy we would not want to experience joy as this is key to feeling a grander form of love and our connection to the Oneness.
It’s so fascinating that there’s a part of us that is committed to problems, struggle and issues…is the reason we hold onto them because we’re so used to identifying ourselves by them? Do we even know who we are without the issues and struggles, and are we brave enough to look them in the face, and go beyond them to find out?
This is really great. I can feel how I can sometimes hold up a picture of what a good esoteric student would look like, how I should be etc. which really beats the whole point of esoteric.
That is a great question- why do we choose suffering over joy?
I am not fully sure of the answer to that, I feel like its I like the identification that comes with the struggle- to let go and be fully joyful and on purpose there are less issues and less self that can be brought into this.
The appreciation of the esoteric (a quality we all hold equally and not something that comes from the outside) is infinite. Developing a steady relationship with it is the biggest learning and transformational process ever. Yet, we have to be aware that is always about perfection in a sea of imperfection that will never be perfect itself.
Thanks for demystifying what the word esoteric means.
We are so programmed for that instant fix or gratification that when we connect we can magically expect all those ugly feelings to disappear, but there is an unraveling of what we’ve walked and it’s the commitment to staying connected and allowing the unraveling without judgement or blame that is the learning for us all. For in truth we can connect when we choose to, it’s the commitment to live in connection without perfection each and every moment that is there for all of us. Ready no matter what and where we’ve been, and part of our journey is knowing that part of us that is committed to struggle and unpicking this as we allow greater love into our lives.
I’ve been getting to know the part of me that creates anxiety so not to feel joy inside and all around. It is absurd yes, and that is why it is so awesome, as Joel shared, to know the difference. If I thought life was only about being tired, anxious, stressed etc. then I would not even consider there to be joy… but we do know and that is why there is the angst and tension as it takes a lot to live the opposite.
“The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy.” And yet we choose to ignore it so often but it is always there when we choose to return.
The best approach I have developed is to not hold back what is there, my truth.
Our choice to give into that part of us that loves the drama and emotions of human life while stubbornly refusing to feel the joy that is also on offer is definitely our downfall.
I have found that an attachment to struggle and hardship comes from the need for recognition based on achievements and from an emptiness that otherwise doesn’t know what to talk about and therefore resorts to creating a drama of some kind.
We are so used to the quick fix, that when we do decide to connect we want it all to feel great instantly, but as you say, if we have spent day/weeks in turmoil, its going to take a while to establish a new rhythm which requires commitment and consistency.
Dear Joel… just a note to say how much I love and appreciate your writing… and indeed love and appreciate you.
As human spirits we get identified with suffering – it makes us feel a sense of self and holds us to an idea of who we are – it’s familiar and considered normal because most people are in fact choosing to suffer, struggle and exist through life. Being open to change that, to be aware of energy and ourselves being connected to everyone means that that identification slowly dissolves and we are left feeling the responsibility that EVERY choice effects EVERYONE.
Great point you make here Joel and a fascinating question as well – we all know love and truth and joy and we know deep down that it is our natural way, however there is also an aspect of us that is addicted to self-abuse and avoiding joy, for otherwise we would be joyful all the time. The game changer for me also was understanding that I do in fact have a choice which aspect I let govern any moment and that how my life plays out after that choice is not mere chance or bad luck but a direct consequence of these choices.
I love your sharing of “Perfectly Imperfect” and the reminder to not pressure others to taste the amazing changes that the Esoteric can bring, but allow everyone to come to their journey in their own time and in their own way. Thank you Joel.
Although it would seem glaringly obvious that we make choices that are responsible for the life we end up with, too often we move through life somewhat oblivious to the power or impact of those choices. To be awakened to this is one of the greatest gifts for with the empowerment that comes with this, we can take responsibility and live and embrace the life we want, no longer at the mercy of being the victim of movements that we in fact can control.
Great point Samantha, and well said. How often do we blame God, blame our parents, partners, children, boss or the bus driver for our ‘circumstances’? I’d say, most of the time. The fact that we are continually making choices that create our reality is common sense – but that common sense is ignored a lot of the time.
Absolutely Samantha, to be reminded of this is incredibly freeing, if we don’t react and go further away. It takes an enormous amount of energy to stay in victim and blame others… it is the ultimate way to disempower ourselves.
If ever I am feeling not myself, miserable in the midst of suffering, I want everyone else to solve my problems. At that point I don’t see that all of my choices prior have lead me to that point, so I have chosen to be miserable and in the midst of suffering…but why? Why would I do that when every fibre in my being knows that that is not true, nor who I am. I get something out of it. When I don’t get the response that I am looking for though, what I do get to see is the refection of what I have chosen…Ouch…But at the same time this is great because from there I can make another series of choices that have a very different outcome. PS I like the house cleaning analogy, certainly rings home for me. Ouch again.
“Life was not meant to be easy, life is a struggle in this dog eat dog world”. These are sayings that have had an enormous effect on how we have perceive life. These are habits of thought and ways of being that are so far from the truth of who we truly are and the love we can connect to and live with harmony and joy, becoming aware of these truths opens the door for us to discard the what is not us.
One of the greatest and most empowering things I have learnt and come to realise over the years of being a student of The Ageless Wisdom Teachings is that our awareness, our willingness to feel the truth comes from our connection to our essence within. An awareness that has no end to the depth and expanse that we can explore this. As from here we are forever guided to know what is or what is not of love and as such guided to live in a way that honors the truth of who we are within, all of us equally so.
We indeed need to dust every shelf in every room of our life as it is us who have created the dust that has then clouded the shine. It is not that the shine ever disappears or lessens, but we need to cherish it for it to be alive and real in our lives.
As odd and contradictory it may occur but this ‘part’ in us that feeds off emotions and even misery, ie. being stimulated and identified by it is running the show most of the time while at the same time claiming that it wants to change things for the better in one way or another. We see it in our personal lives as well as on the worldwide political stage. This raises some very relevant and pressing questions on which part of us is in charge of making choices and what´s the agenda behind it?
“The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.” This is true for everyone, whether they accept it not, and that choice, if accepted, is true freedom and self-empowerment.
The Esoteric is no ‘airy-fairy’, impracticable or unrealistic Utopia but down-to-earth, nitty-gritty living in Truth.
This is very good to clear! True esoteric is not a spiritual, withdrawn way of being, but a very ‘down-to-earth’ way of living. It is very real and bodily. Our innermost (what it is that ‘esoteric’ means) is how we are in truth. It is related to all of us, it means be careful with ourselves as with others, contains the understanding of life, its connections and it means to work together as a one unified community world wide. We are here to learn to live in harmony with each other and the planet – not to leave it before we do.
There are so many concepts around about how things should be and so many we have taken on often consciously but mostly unconsiously, and a big one is we think we’re in charge and that we think when in fact really we don’t we choose to align to an energy, either love or not love and when we’ve chosen that not love we are ‘In essence, there is part of me committed to NOT being joyful….” and in my experience it happens often before I’m aware, and suddenly I’m off down a track that is in fact harming me, and when I catch myself later, I wonder what on earth happened there, and I track back and find somewhere along the way I let my presence slide, I didn’t want to stay fully aware and next thing I know I’m gone. I’m learning to come back each time and re-choose, and yes there is an ouch here, as it’s not an instant thing I have to build back, and feel and see where my choices have taken me and the impact they’ve had without judgment.
I was out walking this morning and I could feel the sadness arising from within making me teary. I have been feeling rather rattled since yesterday. As I walked I knew the sadness was what I created and could potentially indulge in, and I had a choice to just stay in my observance and move back into what I knew to be true in my body – but somehow I felt the falseness of that shift, like ‘All will be good once I make that choice to connect back with me’. I am still learning to be with myself while allowing the rawness and vulnerability of being a human being.
Beautiful Fumiyo, that there is no magic switch but a realness and a willingness to take the steps needed each and every moment and to feel how they are, and adjust and allow the space for us to just feel and for it to be often messy and uncomfortable, to be as it is.
It’s making more and more sense to me that all we have are our choices. This ultimately decides how we perceive and engage with life. It also makes sense to me that this is why choices are attacked, in my case, the choice to be aware or not. After this choice is made, there are many other choices that follow and cascade to maintain this initial choice, until I choose differently.
Like that picture: “It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.” So it is that simple: just start on one point to clean up. And then go on.
“there is part of me committed to NOT being joyful.” How important it is to recognise this and be absolutely honest with ourselves about it. It’s really uncomfortable to feel – squirmingly so, but in letting myself feel it I can now bring the level of commitment I have for the struggle of life, to the flow and love that comes with living from connection to ourselves – warts and all.
Good question “why would we choose suffering over joy?” And we do so every day, every second we do not feel joyful we have chosen so. What comes with the suffering is individuality and the illusion of creation on our own. Joy is always the confirmation of a divine quality. So it is not ourselves who created something but a surrendering to what is there (from God) already. There is no individuality in it. Nothing to identify with. In the suffering we can imagine a ‘better world’ where we would be happy and then we try to reach this picture (we created), we make a plan. When we reached the point, the picture, we see after a while that it is not perfect at all and so we found us suffering again and the circle starts again. The other way is to surrender to THE PLAN and give up on ownership. And that’s big, a really BIG thing for us.
Amazing comment Sandra. You have hit the nail on the head – while we continue to hold on to our individuality, we cannot feel the joy, the confirmation, that we are absolutely enough being ourselves, so we continue to look for it in endeavours that take us further into individuality so we can get some kind of recognition and therefore a bastardised version of confirmation which tells us we are ok.
Great answer to a great question.
A space to really consider how our actions play out is a real golden opportunity not afford by many situations.
Joel your words ‘The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.’ I remember when I used to think the world was just the way it was, making the most of life, to discover that we have choices, and making more self-loving choices changes everything.
and it is that place of the extraordinary ordinary stillness that is the font from which we can quench the seemingly unquenchable thirst that drives humanity… How perfect it is that stillness is the quality of nurturing that we all absolutely need.
That’s the amazing empowerment and responsibility the esoteric offers us ‘The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.’ … we do indeed always have a choice and to know that each choice we make either makes our next choice easier or harder is a great way of framing it, and we learn from those choices. It’s always us, our choices and the consequences of those choices but not in any of this are we victims; we choose and so in fact we can always choose differently or the same. It comes back to us.
I loved this analogy of how we expect reconnecting back to the innermost to unrealistically be. . . ” It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.” . . . yes so very true.
I agree so much here. We have the tendency to look at the world and what is going on and say, Oh what a pity, I wish it would be different. But who is who will bring the change? We have much more power than we are choose to be aware of. Time to claim our power and take responsibility about it again.Time to learn to live integer.
What is brilliant about choice is that we can make a new choice to move in a different way in any given moment. From this new movement we can change the calibration of our connection to our bodies and the way in which we live everyday.
its true Kelly. Free will means we are free to change direction anytime.
We are not our circumstances – but we most certainly are our choices. The responsibility in every choice is huge and paves the way for the choices there after. Having the awareness to know we can choose differently and change the direction of that path is invaluable.
So simple and yet truly powerful when we make the choice to connect – ‘The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy.’
When you consider the word esoteric means innermost and then you open your eyes up and look around the messy and dysfunctional outer world we have created, it is more than logical as a whole humanity to wake up to the fact that we need to stop investing in that outer mess because it is quite obviously not working for us, and re-connect to the honesty and purity of our innermost. What have we got to lose?
I have found that re- connection back to me is a series of steps and not just some magical place that I go to instantly. The steps are the way I have been living up to that point, not perfectly but with an awareness of how consistency assists in this loving re-connection back to me.
The quick fix by just shutting our eyes to come back to ourselves is like men and driving (pre-Satnav days) by the time we stopped and asked for directions we were well and truly lost.
With the esoteric is opportunities for so much learning… the ‘why’ becomes clear every time I stop and reconnect, the clarity is there in an instant. I was just talking about this with a friend this week how addicted I’ve been to emotions and drama, and how much that affects my whole life, my body and everyone around me. It’s amazing how that all dissipates when I’m connected and the need or want to create issues are nowhere to be found, and life becomes more about what I am reflecting out that will either inspire another or confirm more of the same.
I find it amazing how easy it is to live when I let myself just be, without trying to be perfect. The other day I had a moment where I said the wrong word and had a laugh about it and I was blushing a bit but it was actually very freeing not having to own or control the situation.
Whenever I go into the need for another to see that being an Esoteric student is the way I have lost myself. The only way then is to bring myself back to me and to live my life from love with an understanding and allowing of another to make their own choices no matter how uncomfortable this may be. My responsibility is to be and live love.
Until the day we decided to not lay in bed which gives us bed sores our wounds will continue to grow.
Until the day we open our eyes and hearts.
I love the analogy of taking responsibility for cleaning every room in the house rather than sitting back and expecting it to be magically clean because you have made a choice. Recognising that the way my life is reflects the choices I have made and only I can take responsibility for this and then take the necessary steps to turn my life around has been empowering and finding a true purpose in my life has replaced the emptiness that I had been trying to avoid with multiple distractions. Choosing joy this morning and deep appreciation for all I have been offered.
As we unravel lifetimes of choices that have kept us separate from our true selves and disconnected from the joy of living our true essence it is tempting to want others to get how amazing the esoteric is but what I have learnt is that if I focus on my perfectly imperfect way of reflecting the enormous power of what is on offer and leave others to make their own choices they will find their own way. Letting go of trying to control outcomes for myself or others is an ongoing process but I am deeply appreciating the joy of reconnecting to my essence and living that every day.
What you present here Joel, that we have a choice, Joy or hardship, is the most beneficial learning that I too have gotten from being a student of Universal Medicine. Simply having this choice has and still does expose the many ways I digress into hardness. But this can only be discerned from the other times (which are becoming more and more) choosing the joy, stillness and grace of myself from deep within. This foundation is the greatest gift I have ever given myself and it continues to give, everyday.
“The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.” Yes and I don’t always choose what is true, but what feels ‘comfortable’ to me – a work in progress. The more I choose to stay with me – and the loveliness that feels in my body – the less I’m inclined to choose the comfort of the quick fix, knowing that lasts only a comparatively short time, whereas staying with me can last as long as I choose it.
No matter how we want to spin it, it’s so true Joel, we all make our bed and we all lie in it in exactly the same way until we change our way and make it another way. Awesome blog Joel.
it is extraordinarily liberating to let go of the desire indeed the need for perfection, to let go of the unreal and constantly unrequited drive for something unobtainable, to see this is the trick that it is, and then start to be delightfully real.
Every thing we do, every thought we have, everything we say and the way we say it … is a choice, and this is the extraordinary understanding that can really change our lives.
I love the delicate balance between, everything being put in front of us to support our growth and learning. Our evolution but at the same time, we have the choice to ignore what is on offer. It’s called free will but in reality most of us use it as a straight jacket that restraints true movement through life.
“The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.” The choice to feel the love of the inner-heart in all I do, or the choice to exist in the spin of what is outside of me. The choice to bring myself back to love when I realise I have chosen the outer over the inner.
It is true Joel, we do seem to have this bewildering commitment to suffering and pain, we say we don’t like it but we do little to get ourselves out of it and when we do it is only a matter of time before we find something that will take us back into the suffering or pain. I have learnt that I do this to avoid having to step up and make more commitment and take more responsibility in life. The interesting thing is, the more commitment I make to life the less pain and suffering I have.
It is a nonsensical cycle alisonmoir, that we avoid the very thing that will banish the pain… Responsibility.
Spot on, Joel – ‘the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder’. I’d add it’s not just that we need to learn this fact but that we have to commit to living the knowing of it too.
Thank you Joel, I agree, “I made the bed, now I have to lie in it, until I choose to make it a different way.” If I do not take responsibility for all I do then sleeping disorders and anxiety are part of being disconnected.
The responsibility we possess to not live in the spin is immense… for the spin only adds to, avoids and delays cleaning our house whilst adversely effecting others. The power of living in connection is therefore undeniable in stopping this merry-go-round of harm, whilst having the added bonus of it being a truly gorgeous way to be.
I found the gentle breath meditation the first step in learning to stop the spin, the second was to re-build my awareness of the quality of energy I do things in.
Well put Joel, just because we have found a really good path to travel (the esoteric), It doesn’t mean the path will do the walking for us.
Our lives are made up of 100% of our choices.
We do so often go down the same old worn path in our lives but as you mentioned Joel we have a” choice ” and to remember this in everyday living is the key to eliminating this behaviour.
Within many people is this hidden dominating paradigm of the need to be perfect… What a setup, what on earth would set up so many millions and millions of people to live lives that can never live up to the expectations that have somehow been instilled in them… Food for thought!
Brilliant blog Joel. I can so relate to everything you’ve shared. I especially like the part about dusting every room. Feeling the impact of our every choice is sometimes a difficult one to face but it’s much needed to realise every choice we make leads to the next, making it easier or harder to connect to love.
Its true Linda, our choice and responsibility comes down to one thing and one thing alone… ENERGETIC RESPONSIBILITY.. it is the primary and ultimate choice we can make.
To observe with honesty is the real deal. It brings a connection to life and at the same time a distance to what is not love.
I can certainly relate to wanting to paint a picture of the esoteric as being perfect and this is telling in itself. As you so beautifully point out Joel, the esoteric is already perfect. What is not so perfect is the way I have misinterpreted the esoteric to keep myself stuck in harmful patterns of behavior, following self made rules and imposing them on others or placing pressure on myself to be more when all that is called for is for me to be myself.
Where indeed does this truly bizarre choice come from … and why is it manifested in such a multitude of ways, from food, to exercise , in our relationships, indeed in every path of life, humanity chooses to tread an old worn path and yet… revolution, and indeed revelation are simply a breath away.
I agree with you Joel, the ‘esoteric does not make a distinction’. This is simply because innately we are all equal and we all have equal access to the same quality of ‘deep stillness love and joy’ regardless of our physical characteristics, our socioeconomic status, our culture or our nationality. In other words anything that makes us on the outside look that we are different when in essence we are not.
I like your questions because I asked myself the same questions. I know exactly that I am a joyful person and even with this knowing I choose differently. For me it was important and still is to increase my understanding for myself so that I am not so hard with myself. This alone helped me not to go so far away from me. This choice also made a little miracle happen – I started to love and appreciate myself more. Thereby also my playfulness and joy were not so far away and so it helped me to re-connect to myself easier. There is still work in progress and I have to admit that it is such a joy to increase my understanding and love in every moment.
Nobody’s life is ever perfect. Ever. And the construction of perfect pictures according to society’s roles and expectations that are flavoured by our own spin creates mass disappointment when they invariably get smashed.
Joel, I loved this blog because it comes back to the nitty gritty of what everyone is dealing with every day in their lives. I found that coming to understand that I had a choice was indeed a gift but it has taken me some time to really understand that this fact also means that when things are not going well it means I have knowingly brought in complexity and struggle. Ultimately, when I have made poor choices I have over ridden the choice to stay with love.
Helen, I love the broader understanding you’ve brought here, how we are the ones who bring in the complexity and how in doing so we scupper ourselves and make life more difficult than it needs to be. It all comes back to choice and as you say poor choices mean we’ve overwritten our responsibility to be love.
We do have a choice, in fact choices are all we have and we make them all the time, little choices, big choices, choices that change the course of our life, so it behooves us to be as conscious and present as possible so that the choices we make take us continually within to our inner heart, rather than out into the morass of what is not.
Absolutely Chris, I agree, every choice is all about our evolution to be the Son of God if we so choose.
You offer such great understanding here Joel, on how when we walk away from us, we can’t just snap back and be hey presto, there is a clean-up to be done, and reading it I feel the patience needed with me to allow that to happen, to be responsible without any onus but with a commitment to being myself and bring that into every single day.
Fantastic blog Joel and you pose some great questions. It’s in the everyday choices made with and for love until it is no longer a choice but a lived way. I’m far off it myself but I’m definitely giving myself less of a hard time over it and enjoying the awareness evolving as I feel the consequences of my choices.
When we make choices that take us further away from ourselves, then we do indeed ‘need to go through every room and dust every shelf’ in order to retrace our steps over the momentum those choices have created in the way we’re living our lives. It’s a humbling but truly evolving process to feel what we create for ourselves through each and every choice that is open to us – a choice and a huge responsibility.
Hi Joel, thank you for sharing the true joy you now feel and know to be true based on the fact that you have a choice at every moment. It makes the idea of responsibility key, and asks us to really step up and claim how we are choosing to live. We also have a choice to want other people to feel the same things as we do, but again this is us investing rather than just choosing to make loving choices and be a reflection for others.
” … that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.”
Yes it is bewildering that that part is there and sometimes seems so strong – it really gets off on the hardship, gives it a purpose, the struggle is an identity, something to fight against, something to keep one busy and away from oneself and one’s steadiness and one’s stillness. Thankfully we do get to the point where that commitment to hardship starts dissolving and we can really get on and fully live from our true self.
“The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.” I am with you on this Joel. People around me point out that there is no need to make it difficult when there is a simpler more joyful way. It is perhaps a kind of addiction, certainly something that I need to explore. Thank you for the wake up call.
So true, and maybe even more insidious than an addiction, but a choice we make keep making, not to be joyful/.
We want miracles but without our input towards these miracles. We just want them to happen, simply given to us. But how can a miracle happen to us if that what we do and how we live goes completely against these miracles. How can we expect a room to miraculously clean itself if every step we take is bringing it into disorder? Life does not simply happen to us, life is determined by all our choices.
Great blog Joel. It’s so interesting isn’t it? That a part of us does like the commotion and suffering, yet its a simple choice to choose other wise… I think this bit -“It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.” you can’t change anything without dealing with the choices you have already made. Nicely put.
I get it Joel, how much energy do we waste when we try to do something on another’s account? When we proclaim we are hungry for life but look outside the inner-most or esoteric, we are not even trying, we are lost! To be absolutely famished then and only then, do we need to re-nourish our body, otherwise we waste energy digesting food that is not needed!
I love this image gregbarnes888… hungry for life, starving our body as we go in search of some nourishment when all along what will sustain us is within.
Love it Joel, what lies within is absolutely what fills us up. This puts a new twist on Jesus feeding the thousands, could it be he nourished their soul and filled them with love!
You have a very valid point Joel. Why would we choose pain over joy? Could it be those ingrained patterns are deep groves we have worn into the fabric of our life? Till we heal the groves so they are no longer a comfortable fit to drop back into, then the joy groves will be the ones we drop back into when we momentarily slip out.
Hi Joel thanks for sharing these great questions, to be or not to be that is the question, at some point there is a knowing, a feeling to let go and just be in the arms of God then there is no choice, no struggle just an awareness of being.
Joel it is interesting what you say. I too have been observing and getting to understand why I still have a commitment to hardship, suffering and pain, though it’s no way as it use to be, but it does slip in now and again very subtly. The truth is when I connect to that esoteric within me, my inner self, there is no pain, hardship or suffering. So why do I still choose to allow it to affect me in the world. As I have been working on this, I have come to understand that I have enjoyed being in struggle and now there is no need to struggle as I let it go. It’s about me trusting my inner self and choosing to stay connected all the time.
‘The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy. Every time I make the choice to connect to this place within myself, it is there – steady, ready and available’. And this innermost is a place we all have equal opportunity to connect to if we so choose.
“The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.”
Now I have this gift, I can make the choices and experience the consequences.
So true Monika, the choices are always there but the true gift is the honesty about both the choices and their consequences.
I like how you described, that when you walked away too far, it is not easy to connect back so easily- I know this and it feels good someone talking about this honestly. To not get involved in what was created is the best and the first step out, but even this is not easy sometimes. I realized that empowerment, you described, is very supporting, because when you are in something you feel so powerless, because it inhabits you. Getting back to: hey, what is going on here, and I can choose differently is a great key. Thank you.
‘It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.’ Love this analogy Joel and wow we have loads of shelves but it is a joyous process to get rid of the dust and to let the light reflect the beauty of every shelf.
I like the comment, ‘I made my bed, now I have to lay in it’. That’s the wonderful thing Joel, being able to see and feel the bed, rather than sticking my head under the covers and avoiding what is around.
love it matthew, so much more to life than being stuck under the covers…but it can feel so warm and comfortable we don’t want to leave!!
Great comment Matthew, it highlights that everything in our life is a creation of all our choices and the importance of taking responsibility for every part of it. Hiding under the covers doesn’t make any difference, things don’t miraculously disappear without us taking responsibility and start making true change.
Great questions Joel. It still amazes me that I choose ‘the hard way’ so often. I’ve recently seen a game I was unconsciously playing was to make choices that made me less than who I know myself to be, which led me down the path of feeling less than people who were choosing to be more of who they are. This made me feel more yuck and what follows is a lot of self-judgement and negative self-talk and a thought to just give up and say I’m just not good enough. This pattern has held it’s thrall for years but now I have the gift of awareness and can ‘call it out’ in the early stages, and seek support from others. A work in progress yes, but it takes time and consistency to rebuild a true connection with oneself, there is no magic bullet that can do it for us.
Some awesome questions posed here Joel and it is so true why do we choose suffering over joy? For myself it feels I have become too accustomed to living this way that to step out of it requires me to feel the fact that I haven’t wanted to feel the responsibility I have in my life. Yet the moment I connect to the esoteric, I feel so supported, I feel the veil is lifted and I can begin to see the world in a true way. The joy comes in as I know I am not responsible for others choices, but I am responsible for my own and it is my choices which can impact upon others. There is so much potential in us all and by choosing to live our true potential we can inspire this in others.
Great question Joel – why do we choose suffering over joy? I feel for many that we have walked so far away from ourselves that we have confused the emotion of happiness for joy and happiness doesn’t last very long. You have pockets of happiness you can’t seem to live it 24/7 but with joy you can as joy exists in everything you do.
We like to think each choice is an isolated thing, and it feeds our false idea that we can get away with things, so I have or can this little moment of drama here and it won’t impact my relationship there. The truth the esoteric teaches is that everything is connected, and reading this today Joel, I realised a trap I’ve been in, thinking my choice here won’t affect the rest of my day, but if everything is connected then that applies to my choices too! So those little out moments can lead to a series of them or not – choice really is powerful.
The choices we make does affect our lives deeply, and the choice to be aware of the choices made previously is not always easy, but then I know the next choice can be different.
The esoteric teaches us that we can choose it any time. It is always there waiting. When we do choose it we are blown away. When we do not choose it we are blown out.
Thank you Joel. So true where you say “The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy. Every time I make the choice to connect to this place within myself, it is there – steady, ready and available.” And the true and enduring gift that has been offered to us by Serge Benhayon is “The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.”
Understanding that we do have a choice, and presenting to us with clarity and wisdom and a deep knowledge of humanity the tools to make choices that always will bring us closer to our inner truth and awareness, is what Serge Benhayon has been offering consistently through his many years of presentations. The depth of his wisdom is faultless, and the choices we make are just that, our choices.
Such a relatable read Joel! I ask myself the same questions often. And the simplicity in that FACT, that we do have a choice is pretty much the only ticket home in my experience…
Yes Joel the most powerful truth learnt through the esoteric work is the fact that I have a choice and it is mine to make with all its consequences.
Joel this is sensational. “The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.” Life is a journey of choices and I love that FACT.
Either way we look at it we have a commitment – to either the suffering or the joy. Lovely to come here and read your words again and realise how little I still connect to myself.
One reason we choose suffering over joy is because we have a greater experience of it and confuse this familiarity with it being ‘normal’ when in reality the simple truth is that joy is our natural state of being. It is very, very normal to feel joyful but we tend to live in a way on mass that seems to only let it out for special occasions, preferring instead to wallow in the comfort of the misery we have come to know and dare I say ‘love’.
I would like you to be wrong on this one Liane but you’re not. Unfortunately we’ve allowed the absence of true joy to be an ingredient in our everyday lives. Even if I’m guilty of this myself I’ve never let go of the knowing that there’s more to life. It’s just that when you’re in the midst of it it can be hard to see any way out of it. What Serge Benhayon gives us as tools to find our way back to this glory we know we come from is invaluable. He surely is a true beacon of light and one I appreciate very much.
Joel once again you have opened more understanding to my livingness, and the choices I make everyday. You always give me a evolutionary read. Feeling the acceptance of past choices can allow so much more love to flow as you then can choose to move on without hardship.
This is great Joel – I never thought of having part of me that is committed to not being joyful but when I look – oh yes! There it is! I can totally get stuck on that part as well and have always thought it was just the way I was until the esoteric taught me that sadness or anger etc is NOT me but just a result of what I am choosing. Thanks for sharing this, it is so awesome 🙂
Great blog Joel, I simply loved reading it:
‘Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck’. The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy. – So worth connecting to, and when we lose it, to return to connecting to it again. Thank you Joel.
It is so empowering to know we always have a choice and we have the most precise instrument on hand 24/7 to measure our choices as loving or not – our magnificent bodies!
I love the way you write Joel and this was exactly what I needed to read today, why oh why would I self sabotage and commit to being not joyful! thanks
Great concluding questions Joel, ones that I ask myself. What is this perversity in me that gets upset about the same things? I have found that when I am not connected to my body and breath I will run the same reactions, over and over. Often they will be the same issues, issues that always end up being resolved, but no, there is this aspect that wants its drama and tension.
As time has gone by, I have learned to observe this way of reacting to life. It is not the tyrant it used to be, dominating me, causing me to behave in silly ways…well not all the time anyway.
What I get now is that it is part of the imperfection of being human, observed and dealt with from the perspective of deepened connection. That is truly powerful.
I get reminded by how much words can be interpreted through the years and end up in dictionaries not meaning what they originally meant. Words that come to me is Love, God, Religion.
This is so true Matts. These words get corrupted because of the enormous power and truth they contain. But even though the words get distorted and disfigured by misinterpretation, what they describe, in essence remains untouched and eternally accessible to those who remember and choose to connect.
That’s what I love about truth. It never changes or goes away, it’s always right there if we chose it. I’m by no means perfect and I do deviate from time to time from what I know to be true but that doesn’t change the fact of what is true. Like you say the essential meaning cannot be changed only our relation to it.
A great reminder, Joel, of the fact that every choice we make has a knock on effect. As you say, we can choose joy or we can choose no-joy – it is all a choice that we make, and we can’t escape the consequences thereof, ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
Beautiful Carmin for when we realise that all our choices have a ripple effect on the world around us we will then begin to accept the level of responsibility we have in this world.
“Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck.” Love this summation Joel, and definitely know the truth of it myself.
I love your blogs Joel and this one really speaks to me. In truth all choices have consequences – it really is that simple. It’s the law of karma, it’s the most obvious concept to grasp and so, as you ask, why do we still choose the struggle generating options. I hope one day to beat myself at this game and choose only loving choices in each and every moment.
The attachment to everything the esoteric is not feels like striving for a kind of distinction, a form of recognition that keeps feeding the emotions rather than being part of the all there is.
I love how you have highlighted the fact that we do indeed have a choice – to either connect to our ‘inner-most’ where stillness, love and joy awaits OR to not connect this ‘inner-most’ place, where we are left in a place where all our emotions and stresses are waiting. So in effect we are always choosing something and so there is always a responsibility that comes with our choices. Having this awareness is beautifully empowering and as you have said here – ‘the empowerment comes from my understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.’ Thank you Joel.
For me it is about accepting my imperfections and not giving up on myself when I am not perfect, which is what I used to do. It is like you said Joel the room doesn’t miraculously clean itself we have to go into every room and dust every shelf.
Well said Deidre. Thankfully it’s perfectly acceptable to be imperfect in an imperfect world…but committing to evolve and learn from our imperfections with humbleness and grace certainly does make learning about our own and others lives so much more enjoyable.
You are right Joel, when I also connect back to that place within me, after I have chosen to step away from it for a while, nothing really changes much, but I feel MUCH different on the inside. I can now feel where I chose to step out in the first place and why I did that, its effectively ‘dusting off the shelves’ like you describe it.
This is the point Joel, that we do have a choice, but it is this choice that really does have to be presented to the world, and just by being truly ourselves, being all that we are, the world is given the opportunity to see and feel true vitality, true love and a connection to something so profound, and to make their own choice,
Joel, thanks for your honest blog. It is perfect timing for me as I currently struggle with a few things that are clearly showing me that I am not choosing love. As you point out, this happens to us all, but it none the less is still a puzzle at times to determine what purpose aligning with suffering and misery is serving when I know the alternative is to choose love. It is also true that there is no magic wand that will make old habits disappear immediately, so I appreciate your words regarding ‘choice’ as they support me to ensure each choice I make is a step closer to where I know I belong.
Yea Joel, I find the esoteric has helped me realise a tonne- in a sense that everything we do and everything that has happened to us is all part of what we have chosen. Which goes way deeper than choosing which colour shirt you want to wear that day. Realising this, is quite incredible, if not daunting sometimes…As that old saying goes- you have no one to blame but yourself.
Oh, this line was super funny: ‘Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck.”
Awesome post Joel, and what I got from this is that the esoteric is not something that happens because of ‘some wand-waving magic’, it occurs through right effort, application and work as you suggest ‘dusting off the shelves in the house’, and that in this magic can then occur: the magic of clarity or cleaned Truth. That in this way, the esoteric is indeed a certain magic, and that this is worth being connected to, deep within.
Joel, it’s perfect timing to be reading your blog today as I consider why there is a part of me that isn’t committed to joy, and actually enjoys suffering to some degree. Right now I’m feeling my choices and how some of my recent choices have impacted on me, and reading here that each choice I make to either connect to me or not makes the next choice to connect easier – I needed to be reminded of that, and also to know and feel the responsibility of how my choices have played out and that I can’t be there in an instant, if I’ve wandered well off-piste, so choices matter, no matter how much I might tell myself they don’t, they do and I know it. So my choice is to connect to me and then choose.
Thank you Joel, yet again! I love this – ‘The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice’. Yes we always have a choice and this is the ultimate responsibility that is in our hands.
Great blog Joel, bringing more awareness to my every choice. Observing and getting more familiar with myself is what I am learning to do and from this appreciate the fact that I am able to do this and catch myself before that next choice does any harm.
The appreciation is a great point Christine, often my missing ingredient to feeling the depth of the amazing choices I make.
I agree Joel, the esoteric has shown me that I have a choice what I align with. It has given great awareness of the level of responsibility I hold in the greater picture. Sometimes I live each moment knowing this responsibility sometimes I’ve chosen the road of hardship. I know I always come back to the road of responsibility because of the level of truth I feel in my being.
I love the questions you’ve raised Joel. It is a constant choice to connect or disconnect to ‘that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy’. I too wonder why is it so easy to disconnect but not so easy to reconnect? I guess most part of my life I have lived disconnect so to live a different way takes awareness, practice and time, it doesn’t happen overnight as I have so much stuff, old habits to shake off before I have the lightness and space to readjust and to reconnect to that place of inner-most’.
Well, in reading my own comment some 9 months ago, I can say I have shaken a huge amount of stuff off, as in undealt issues and hurts. Now, choosing to connect to my ‘inner-most’ comes much easier as I have developed a better understanding with regards to responsibility for our choices. It’s actually very simple and empowering, we always have 2 choices, to choose suffering or joy. It’s all just a matter of choice, we have the power to choose one or the other. For me choosing joy has become a whole lot easier because I am willing to take responsibility for every part of my life and for every choice I make. Being joyful only seems difficult when we make it so.
Thanks Joel for sharing your writing, to connect or not to connect this is the question .
Very simple isn’t it paulmoses39? To choose to connect or to not connect.
I love the powerful simplicity of this Joel. My favourite quote is ” Of course, every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.” How true this is.
Joel you have once again posed an interesting question! I can relate to the duality of life with a present issue I have, one part (the spirit) opposing the other the Soul or Love, The one I feel to follow is Love but sometimes even with the best of intentions I let myself be torn between the two until I choose Love again. You speak the truth when you stated that the ” choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder”. Thank you Joel.
Joel I wonder if the pain and the suffering that we feel comes from the ‘what is not love’ that we have unconsciously chosen for eons. I sometimes imagine a jar that is full of a liquid that represents the ‘what is not love’. Each decision that I make adds either ‘love’ which I see as a pebble or the ‘what is not love’, which keeps the contents of the jar as it is. Each pebble of love displaces the what is not love until such time as my jar contains only love. We are each ‘filling ourselves back to the love’ that we are and until we get solidly blocked out with love there will always be unloving choices.The more love we embody the easier it is to make loving choices.
The choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder. I really needed to read this twice. Not because I don’t understand it, but because it is so simple, so true and so life changing….
Great point Joel – why would we choose suffering over joy? And yet we do – every day. As a man I often find myself unwilling to let go fully, to express that un-contained joy that I knew as a boy, unsure if it will be accepted by those I relate to. And often I do find that it is not accepted by those around me. It is as though in this world we want all to suffer equally. Too often we turn away from people who are truly open towards us, as though it is too much to bear. Crazy.
I can totally relate Adam, it actually takes a lot of effort to contain our joy. It goes against our every grain, yet we seem to do it so well. In realising this has exposed the ridiculousness of it all and just allow ourselves to be fully joyful no matter what. To let go of fear and just experience our true power.
‘It’s a bit like deciding we want a clean house and then expecting it to clean itself, not realising that we need to go through each room and dust each shelf.’
For me this was a powerful analogy that highlights that my choices and commitment are an important part of the equation.
A great reminder of the empowerment that comes from the choices we make. “I made the bed, now I have to lie in it, until I choose to make it a different way.” Thank you Joel.
I love this line Joel –
” The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy.”
Beautifully expressed – it does seem crazy when we choose suffering over this truth we have felt.
It does seem crazy, so crazy some chose to ask why? Others choose to live never asking why.
I have wondered this too, we so often like to make things hard for ourselves (“choose suffering over joy”) because, as contrary as it sounds, there is a satisfaction in the process whereby we can actually recognise ourselves through it.
“How can we have this duality within us, and why would we choose suffering over joy? Where does that come from?” – Good question Joel, it’s crazy why we do this.
The answer to the question of duality in us aside, it is a choice to make in every moment to either be connected to and hence activated by the esoteric / love or by what is not love. This choice can´t be taken away from us and we cannot leave it behind, i.e. we are inevitably responsible for our state of being.
To accept that responsibility and the power that goes hand in hand with it is a crucial part of living the esoteric way and a process of learning in itself.
That’ s a great blog reminding us of our responsibility to what ( joy/ deepening more love or pain/ struggle / doubt ) we decide to align to.
For me it is accepting and regarding with love your “weak points ” in life but staying “online” with all your choices- staying connected to your inner voice is the absolute key and my choices will either support me to listen or not.
This is great, Joel. Many of us can relate to “How can we have this duality within us, and why would we choose suffering over joy?” I feel that the more we ask, the more we “surrender” and then (the) closer we get to “what is”.
I certainly can relate to it Ryoko, and your feeling to keep asking the question, is a great tip for me, to ask why, rather than just accept the pain of ‘what is not’
Yes Ryoko, it’s great to be aware of this duality within us, but to know it isn’t who we are, so we are free to observe it, acknowledge it, but we don’t have to be owned by it.
Great point Esther. The part that seeks misery and hardship is not who we are, observation is key I find to not going into the misery and hardship.
“There is part of me committed to NOT being joyful” – Ouch! Joel. I mean, OUCH!! That part, that goes into my deliberate self-sabotage – I could focus on this imperfection, identify and be that, or re-connect to the esoteric which has a potential to be THE foundation for me. That, I can choose.
Hmmm a part of us committed to hardship, pain and suffering – yep, I know that part… and then we expected to reconnect, wiggle our nose and the house is clean! Thank you for the great reminder of the empowerment in taking responsibility for our choices.
Hi Joel, thank you for keeping it real. It’s true – when we walk away from the esoteric we have a whole load of stuff to clean up on the way back, but you know even though I have found it painful at times especially recognising how difficult I made things for myself, when you come back into that love within it is forever there saying “It’s ok, it’s ok, Come back” and as we keep surrendering facing anything we have to deal with becomes very possible and can be very easy.
I can really relate to “This desire for others ‘to get it’ leads to painting a sometimes overly ‘perfect picture’ of the esoteric”. This can lead to then not showing understanding and accepting where people are at. But as you say, when you allow yourself to be in the stillness, connection of who you are, there isn’t any picture, there is understanding and there is so much clarity around choices and how to be and connect with others.
I find it interesting that when you first get a taste of the esoteric you want everyone else to ‘get it’. I definitely did this when I first met the esoteric but now realize that I did not truly ‘get it’ myself or come anywhere near living it at the time. As is so beautifully illustrated in this article, I have a choice to en-joy the clearing out of the dusty corners or beat myself up for not living in a spotless house.
Joel, What really stands out for me reading your article is”everytime I make the choice to connect to this (inner most) place within myself,it is there- steady,ready and available. I will take this truth into my day with me, with the awareness of the importance to keep re-choosing my innermost.
Great questions Joel. The esoteric work has given me an understanding and awareness that I have that choice which has offered me a totally different way to be and go through life.
“Of course, every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.” This is a powerful reminder Joel, at just the right time… its easy to abandon that connection to myself and let the outside dominate what is happening to me, but it does not help one iota.
hi Joel, I have often noticed that duality with myself that you speak of in your blog, “How can we have this duality within us, and why would we choose suffering over joy? Where does that come from?” For me it feels that the moment I go into something – a reaction, negativity, blame, hurt etc it is a ‘get out’ clause for my self to no longer take responsibility for my own life and the choices I make. It feels like I have an in built ‘get out’ clause when something appears to be challenging, it’s a ‘selling out’ of myself rather then take the next level of responsibility that is there to be learnt. For as long as I fight this and do not take up on this new level of responsibility, it feels the duality exits.
Why would we choose suffering over joy? This beggars belief, yet it is evident all over the world, it is so common, it is regarded as normal; everyone is in the same boat. There is a comfort in that. I imagine the momentum of many lives also has us so familiar with suffering, it is harder to rid ourselves of this affliction. I know the difficulty I have with it, as my awareness deepens and the more honest I can be with myself, the suffering diminishes, the ease and flow of life is possible. Woohoo!
It is a profound realisation to feel that the ‘esoteric’ is choice, deeply empowering and life changing. The awareness gained from this supports recognition of that which feels ‘bewildering’, a great description…without knowing the stillness that is found through the esoteric we would not be able to know that which is ‘bewildering’ and what we don’t know we can’t change. Now I know and I am learning the many ways that I personally can walk away from this connection and be ‘committed to hardship’. Bit by bit I challenge these choices and come back to who I truly am. “The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.”
Thank you Joel, for this simple and clear blog, it lets me ponder how I go around with the esoteric. I know the great stillness and joy I hold within myself and at times I can accept this in full and allow myself to express from there, but also there are times I find myself questioning how to deal with this while I am in a certain situation. “This amount of stillness does not fit in this situation! I need to be more in the motion that surrounds me, to fit in”. Do you know that feeling? I now can feel that this questioning comes from being afraid of the power I carry within, if I show this stillness and joy, people will react to this because it is that far from how they are living at the moment. So I choose to be less, to not disrupt the comfortable life people choose to live. And I can feel clearly now that I make this choice because I have made this choice many, many times instead of choosing for the esoteric. It is the momentum I carry with me that keeps me making this choice over and over again, until I choose to stop this and allow the esoteric to be my true and only guide in life.
“The choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder” – I totally agree Joel, I can so relate to that feeling of either seamlessly moving on from one thing to the next, or one day to the next, in comparison to that feeling of ‘dragging’ I can also experience
Perfectly Imperfect ! I love it Joel, thank you for sharing this so simply with such truth and so relatable. It leaves me feeling understood and knowing and there is a great joy with this connected to lovingly within.
Joel, thank you for claiming the truth about what it is to be esoteric and the true meaning of the word.
Great point Joel that there must be a part of all of us that is committed or identified with not being joyful. There is no other logical explanation for the seemingly ridiculous choices that we make knowing full well that they may disconnect us from our deepest essence where that joy resides.
I love the analogy of wanting a clean house and magically wanting it cleaned up without you doing what is necessary for that. The fact is that we are forever evolving, so even if we have cleaned our house, we will be in a situation when if we don’t clean to a deeper level it feels incongruent to our life so there is always more cleaning to do. It took me a while to accept this as I used to love the idea of one day becoming so great that I could just coast through life. Now as I am learning more and more how connected we all are, how responsible we are for the quality of our own life and the impact we have on all others, and how far from the natural Love that we all are has our World become, I have no fascination or desire to put my feet up. I know my responsibility and I know I have to keep cleaning my house so that I can provide a greater love, clarity and wisdom in my own life and in the world I live in. Imperfect, perfectly so.
Joel, you have described “it” (the esoteric way of life) beautifully once again, so easy to feel and understand and relate to, so simple too, and yet with metaphor, available to everyone. I feel that your expression reveals how you live what you write about.
I agree, Joan, I love how simply the esoteric way of life can be lived and Joel describes it so eloquently, thank you. I can also feel the fact that the true gift of the esoteric is that I now know I have a choice, and it’s up to me to take it.
Yes, Gill, so,true, it is up to each one of us to live and express from the innermost part of ourselves. In that deep, still, innermost place is where the true choices are made. I know when I have connected to it the choices are easy, they seem to make themselves, whereas when I am disconnected the choices are difficult and often harmful to myself and others.
Joel. I always thought I was perfect, until I looked in the mirror, and saw the real me. Then decided I was definitely not perfect, and could not live with the person whom I saw in the mirror.
Great being able to make life changes.
Gorgeous Leigh, I absolutely love this explanation, whilst reading your comment I have just allowed myself to stop for a moment and bring awareness to the way my fingers are typing. Loving or not? Gentle or not? What a lovely comment to ponder into the New Year.
The power is in our choices. I love how you wrote that my choices can make the next choice easier or harder. If I have 100 choices and they have all been unloving choices then my one loving choice has the weight of 99 unloving choices squashing it. Or I can look at it as now I have one loving choice made and if I do that again I will have two loving choices made. At what pace that balance leans more towards loving choices is again, my choice.
Leigh, a great explanation of how our choices have impacts, as Joel has also noted, if we have made unloving choices, then choosing to connect to us, doesn’t magical make the consequences of our previous choices go away. Just shows the power and consequences of our choices always, and that we can always choose love.
Powerful insight Leigh about choices. Love this blog Joel, one to read again and again and today is the perfect time to tap into the wisdom written and shared as 01-01-2015 signifies new beginnings for the new year and working with the soul. It feel great to make loving choices knowing the consequences of our previous choices have impacts, so it makes sense to be gentle and loving in all we do.
To connect with ourselves might seem airy fairy, but I know when I am connected I don’t let the outer chaos rule my thoughts and the world seems a lot less overwhelming, in fact it isn’t overwhelming at all and I can achieve anything. Thats a pretty cool place to live from.
I love what you’ve said here Stephen and I agree, when I am connected the chaos loses it’s power and the overwhelm is no longer an issue. In and from that place anything is possible.
I loved reading your blog Joel you always bring something to the table for us to ponder on.Over the last 6 months I have come to the realisation that my commitment to misery, struggle and complication has far outweighed my commitment to joy and love and then wonder when I have moved so far away from it that I can’t just pick it up and carry on. You have put so brilliantly into words so much of what I have come to realise. Why do I/we choose suffering over joy, a simple but profound question.
Great question Joel. I know I choose complication over simplicity and hardship over Joy. Similar to what has been mentioned above it feels like these choices have been made for so many life times that it takes a loving diligence and commitment to rewrite the script. By taking responsibility for our past choices and choosing otherwise is indeed the most empowering experience to behold.
i had a situation recently that I could feel my stubbornness wanting to drawl over, and even until I read this I was smugly justifying why I was right and the other person was wrong. And reading this had just helped me melt and let that whole stuff go, its such a game to keep us away from joy, thanks Joel
This is a great point Vanessa and one for me to bring more awareness to.
Thanks Joel, I loved reading this blog again. I loved your analogy of the house and realised that is what I do. I expect that once I connect everything will fall into place. Yet how can it when I have chosen to walk further away? With my expectation that everything will fall into place, when it doesn’t, the giving up energy comes in. How great to see this and accept that each choice does lead to the next and that what I choose can either support my return or delay it.
Joel, loved this article all over again. And a great question why indeed choose suffering over joy? I feel what Leigh’s shared is part of it for me, it’s been my default for a very long time and if I’m honest there’s a comfort in it – I lie to myself and say I don’t have a choice, but there’s one thing I do know now, which I’ve learned from the esoteric, I do have a choice. It’s developing the will to truly love me and continue to do so, and allow myself to make more loving choices. This is very much a work in progress, with up’s and down’s, but it never stops thankfully – I’m learning to be more graceful with me as I go.
yeah grace is a great support Monica!
Great article Joel. One of the points that really stands out for me is; “understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.” The choice for deepening self-nurturing or the slippery slope of disregard.
we have a choice to make the bed differently and that has been key for me recently when faced with getting racy, or going into drive to get something done, there is always a choice to stop, to break that cycle and start one that is loving, but that takes will and love for yourself and that is what I am developing at the moment, more love for myself so that I make the choice that brings me back.
That’s a really good point Vanessa, it’s the awareness required to spot that I’ve gone into a racy state that’s really developing for me at the moment, which is great because before that I would just go on and on and not even take the opportunity to notice to therefore stop and break the cycle.
We forget or choose not to remember that it is a result of OUR choices that have taken us to where we are in that moment (loving or not) and that it is OUR choices that will bring us back to (or take us away from), developing more love and appreciation for ourselves
Wow Vanessa the thing with developing more love for myself is really a never ending process . . . thank you for reminding me.
It is very simple , as you say, and a choice to be either joyful or miserable. “Why would we choose suffering over joy …where does that come from?” A great question.
Great blog Joel and I agree, the true gift of the esoteric is the awareness of having a choice. By having this awareness I feel it is saying we are prepared to look at our issues and take full responsibility for all of our choices.
It’s a great question Joel, why we would choose suffering and pain over joy. And it is a choice, one that if we accept it, allows us to develop a way of living that supports us and all around us. To eat a certain food or act a certain way, it is all choices that either harm or heal.
Exactly Stephen, it is about accepting the stillness and joy that is in us all equally, and if we fully accept there will be no way that we will allow ourselves to be walking away from this.
Brilliant Joal, knowing we have a choice is so very empowering – with that awareness we can chose do do things in a different way.
Could it be that we have chosen the suffering for so long that it comes as an automatic response to life? I am finding and feeling more than ever now just how much I close myself down in almost every situation. But that is only because I haven’t actively chosen to be me in every situation so I go to my current default. The esoteric work is truly empowering in the sense that I do have a choice to work and feel the benefits, or not work and continue in my default setting. Not working, has not worked.
Great point Leigh and I agree completely, lets change the default setting!
Its a great question Joel – why indeed choose suffering over joy? Yet I do it time and again.
Love the blog for its simplicity and power – thank you.
Joel, your blog is great, and it’s perfect for me to read it today. You put it so clearly, yes there is a part of us not committed to joy and hearing that said out loud was really freeing – I so recognise this in me. I also have that thing about wanting things sorted now, so reckon I connect and things should be fine but they take time, it’s that consistent loving choices like cleaning as you say, it takes time and requires dedication. Thank you, for shining a light on this, just brilliant.
So very true Joel. And so brilliantly put. It is a deep illusion we buy into that if we just do this one thing, take this one pill, do this one course, achieve this one thing, that all of our stuff will be sorted out and we can kick back.
It is dedication to ourselves and being understanding with ourselves that allows for us to slip, as we inevitably do, and then get back up and continue until we slip again. The word that comes to me is ‘honouring’. Honouring of the efforts we make and the distance we come.
Naren I love your suggestion to honour ourselves for the choices and changes we have made which recognises that we don’t always get it right but appreciates where we are at. Thank you Joel for the cleaning house analogy which I can really relate to and that there is a part of me committed to not being joyful. How crazy is that? Still a work in progress for me.
Absolutely Joel, being committed to hardship, pain and suffering could have been our automatic momentum for a long time and still is for lots of others. When you first begin to become aware of that, it’s painful to realise you’ve actually been choosing it for yourself. The other beautiful side of it is that with that comes the equal choice that instead you could choose truth, harmony and joy and literally enjoy every breath you take, no matter what you’re doing or where you’re going… It’s just an amazing transformative journey back to the true you and that’s all that needs to be done as far as others “getting it” are concerned – your and our inspiration is all that is required to light the way so others can begin to see that they too have a light that they can choose to see, and feel….
This is such a simple but power-full article. I’m glad I went back and read this. The recognising of the place within me that is “committed to NOT being joy” has been a truly empowering discovery. Because being in denial of this allows this part to have its way with me, subtly bringing down what is simple, loving and joyful in my life.
The inspiring thing I can feel is if I have had such a long-term commitment to creating ‘complication, complexity or stress’ as a way to bring down JOY, then it means that I have the ability to commit to something long-term, and as you have said I now have the opportunity to choose something different to commit to long term – simplicity, love and Joy. This process even involves constantly being loving with the part in me that so desperately wants the complexity and stress, not judging it, not getting angry with it, but just accepting it and showing it that there is another way, until it begins to give in and says ‘ok I surrender’.
Ahhh just accepting and showing that part of ourselves another way, surrendering — no wonder I find that difficult, I am a the master of not accepting! Time for a change of bed making me thinks! Thanks for the inspiration Danielle and Joel
It constantly amazes me how the esoteric is so simple and practical and available to all equally as you say Joel, so I agree how crazy is it we choose to commit to hardship…
I agree, tonisteenson – I find it’s very easy to focus on the ‘bad stuff’ in life, but I find when I don’t give it my attention (without denying that the issues are there, there’s a time and a place to deal with them) – all of the simple and practical, fun parts of life start to emerge, and suddenly life isn’t difficult anymore. It’s as simple as the choices I make.
Toni I agree Esoteric is Simple and Practical and we all know it, but yet we still make choices to create complications. So I agree it is crazy how we create our own hardship.
Great questions to leave us with, Joel. I too have ‘reached for’ (desperately needed?) the perfect way, that is in line with all I know and feel about my inner-connection and the esoteric work. As you say, it is the realisation that we do have a choice, and that it takes time and a dedicated willingness to be aware of our choices, to truly make a difference that has some meaningful consistency in one’s life (& it’s never all going to be perfect!).
Something I’ve been observing a lot of late, is how I’ve still had an attitude of things I do in my life being ‘hard’ – it’s subtle, but it’s still been in there… when I’m doing something that I truly know, is actually easy. Hmmm… have had a ‘choice’ in there to deny myself joy!
Just being willing to ask, where that comes from, &/or realising I ‘don’t need it’ has been extremely freeing!
Hi Joel, I love your honesty in recognising that “there is part of me committed to NOT being joyful”. It’s OK and natural to be an imperfect human – I love that. Thank you for some great reflections!
I recognise a part of me not committed to being joyful Carmel. I realise, after reading Joel’s article, that i also use this part of me as an excuse to take ‘time out’ from my natural way of being. So i asked Joel’s question again – where did that come from? And came back to my prowling mind, as it seeks for a way to control me.
I have that same investment Joel (wanting the world to see how great the esoteric is!) which is something I am working on and learning to let go of – simply because it is of no true service to humanity.
I too learnt from my own experience that the esoteric is perfect. Then for a while I strived for that perfection only to realise that is not how it’s meant to be. It is ok and natural for us humans to be imperfect, but I can bring a greater awareness and make sure that my intentions are perfect.
Great topic – thanks for the pick. 🙂
I too have the same investment still, wanting people to understand how great the esoteric is….But if I just spout knowledge and am not living a life of connection and love, then it’s just words. By living a life of love and joy, then I can be an inspiration for others, a work still very much in progress. No perfection required tho, phew!
I had a choice Joel: to read your post – or not. Damn pleased I did – a good choice!
An excellent one Rod! Glad I read this post too.
So true and beautifully simple, thank you Joel.
Thank Joel- I felt so much joy and truth in reading your article. Awesome!
Perfect article for me to read this morning as I woke up feeling stiff and sore in my body. So before I got up I asked myself what choices did I make yesterday to be feeling this way this morning. Now, after reading this I can sit with why do I make choices in my day that see me suffering instead of feeling joy and where do these choices come from?
Thanks so much Joel for this truly nitty gritty clear-sighted blog. It is so good to read in clear words what I have too been observing. I really like the use of the word ‘spin’ in this context – it so graphically describes the way that stream of pure, joyful divinity gets skewed when it enters our system and we change it in any way to serve our own personalization. Great blog!
Well said Joel– brilliant — and I like how you leave it open ended — why indeed? That is the huge ‘what the?’ of life.
I am with you on the ‘what is that about’, its a really interesting read and I will come back to this and read it again. I notice there is a game I play of not fully committing to a task – a part of me that wants out and wants to just go and be completely reckless. Its that I am attached to the not wanting to be responsible for every little thing down to my next breath that I am avoiding.