Perfectly Imperfect

 by Joel L, Australia

I was reading the blog by Otto Bathurst (I’m just an Ordinary Man) and was blown away by the recognition that at some level I still want the world to see how great the esoteric is and how much better life can be with it. This desire for others ‘to get it’ leads to painting a sometimes overly ‘perfect picture’ of the esoteric.

Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck.

The esoteric, that ‘inner-most’ place within all of us, is a place of deep stillness, love and joy. Every time I make the choice to connect to this place within myself, it is there – steady, ready and available. I have heard this same experience from people who were raised in different religions to me, grew up in different countries, are a different gender, from a different socio-economic background, have a different type of education or vocation… it seems the esoteric does not make a distinction.

Living life through that connection to myself means that while I still have to deal with everything life throws at me (and the stuff I create), ‘the spin’ (emotion, stress, etc) is not there with it. Of course, every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.

Knowing this choice, I now know there is a part of me that won’t let go of a thought, or even dwells on it and makes it bigger. That part of me feeds off the emotion and even defends that emotion. In essence, there is part of me committed to NOT being joyful.

I would like to say that all I need to do is shut my eyes and ‘be with me’ and it’s all perfect, but the truth is different. When I let myself get swept up in the spin and then say ‘it’s enough’ and do what I know I need to do to ‘reconnect to me’, very little happens. This is not because the esoteric is not true, but because I have walked further away from myself than I would care to admit. It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.

Just because the esoteric doesn’t discriminate and is available to all equally, doesn’t mean there are no consequences from not making that choice. I made the bed, now I have to lie in it, until I choose to make it a different way.

The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice. This empowerment does not come from someone else (although learning from others can be inspiring), the empowerment comes from my understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.

The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering.

How can we have this duality within us, and why would we choose suffering over joy? Where does that come from?

292 thoughts on “Perfectly Imperfect

  1. I am wondering whether I might have turned this perfect imperfection into an indulgence of mine. The esoteric is perfect – I agree, but the part that is trying to have a relationship with it often wants to play by its own rules, and sometimes I could not quite deny the falseness in my own seeming earnestness – if that makes sense.

  2. Being accepting of the fact that we have a duality rather than not makes more sense of whats going on in life. Instead of rejecting this notion and keeping it purely in the ‘ill-mental health bin’.

  3. Perfection has become a trap or bed we wish to lay in, that is by our own making and understanding our imperfections and loving them from our essence is the start of our healing, but not to be perfect but simply reflect a Truer way of being.

  4. “esoteric does not make a distinction.” The esoteric, the inner-most, is the spark and light of God that is equally within us all.

  5. We tend to associate the word esoteric with something that is outside of us and exclusive to some. Nothing further away from truth. There is a path that allows us to connect to a series of beautiful qualities, an inner sense of fantastic beauty that is able to move us from within away from where we have placed ourselves in life to try to cope with it. The esoteric changes our long-established relationship with ourselves and life.

  6. The bitter pill most of us has to swallow is “. . . the empowerment comes from my understanding that the choice I just made will make my next choice easier or harder.” We have to be honest to ourselves most do not like to purposefully chose to make the next choice easier as with that there will be guaranteed more responsibility we have to deal with and that is not everybody’s cup of tea.

  7. ‘The true gift the esoteric work has given me is the awareness of the FACT that I have a choice.’ This is huge as it means we need to stop blaming others and blaming the world for where we are or what’s going on in our lives and instead take responsibility for being exactly where we are at.

  8. I have recently been looking at how I do and don’t support myself and what the outcomes are for me. As confounding as it is when I’m not doing well there is an energy within me that wants to perpetuate it by resisting support. I’m getting better and better at responding lovingly to myself at those times knowing the longer term consequences if I don’t.

  9. And another thing that I get reminded here is humility and dedication. “Deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.” This is such a great analogy. Going through every room and every shelf is how the decision to clean the house is supported and enacted. What I can feel is how I want to shout out my decision without living in the way that would validate the decision. Funny how we reverse things. If I truly wanted to have my house clean, I would be cleaning it anyway and I would not need a banner that says ‘I decided that I want to have my house to be clean’.

  10. You are touching upon something really important here, I feel. Esoteric is true, but we often allow time in between that truth and our movement, by interpreting, filtering and converting, then out comes something not quite as true. I keep getting this sense that there is a completely different way of being that is completely different from what I know it to be. Something happens immediately and that process challenges my want for owning it.

  11. Joy just is, it is innately in all of us when we connect to our innermost, hardship, pain and suffering all have emotion and a story attached to them, and this then gives up the identification outside of us that we are looking for.

  12. Esoteric Healing is a great complement to Western Medicine, and yes it’s a complement not an alternative, and it’s never portrayed as anything else; in fact some people who engage with Universal Medicine can have attitudes which were previously almost anti-western medicine and find themselves re-engaging with western medicine with a greater understanding that it’s part of their self-care. To suggest that Universal Medicine is anti-western medicine in any way is just false. And the question I would raise is why this falsehood is being created? What exactly is there in what Universal Medicine presents which has some vilifying it? Especially given that many who engage with it live more vital, engaged and committed lives? Surely we all want this?

  13. It’s like we’re on a bungee cord, the further out we go the bigger the bounce back and so it is when we step away from ourselves, the further we go with this the bigger the outplays for us.

  14. Making life more complicated is led by this incessant need to be recognised as an individual and to make life about ourselves and our struggles. That way we absolve ourselves of any responsibility to make life about purpose; after all how can we make life about others when we are too bogged down with our own dramas.

  15. Great to read this again Joel, and it’s very true about the inner-most that “every time I make the choice to NOT connect to this place, all the pressure, stress, emotions are there waiting for me.” It’s very black and white, there is no middle ground. And yes, through our own folly we must live the consequences of our actions until we decide it’s not loving to choose the stress and misery, and we commit to love.

  16. Another incredibly wise offering Joel. I could relate to wanting everyone else to get they have an esoteric inner centre as well and painting an overly rosey picture of what that looks like. I can feel that actually puts a lot of pressure on me to be ‘perfect’ and creates yet another ideal – so evil and struggle win again! To accept that the esoteric ‘works’ when we connect to and live it in its purity, but isn’t a magic pill is important. It may not look like we expect it to and certainly wont be perfect.

  17. Thank you Joel, just what I needed to read at this moment “It’s a bit like deciding you want the house to be clean and then expecting it to miraculously clean itself, without realising you need to go through every room and dust every shelf.”.

  18. The moment we create pictures of how life ‘should’ look and place expectations on them we correspondingly need to accept that eventually these pictures will most likely will get smashed.

  19. Great questions why do we choose suffering over joy … seems crazy but I know for me that the suffering is very familiar and dare I say it comfortable and with the joy I stand out … so I’m learning to let go the suffering and embrace more the joy, it’s not perfect and I often slip but I’m looking at it and that’s huge.

  20. For much of my life I was unaware of the fact that I had a choice in how the events of my life played out and thought that I had to just grin and bear the hand that life dealt to me. It was very liberating when I discovered, through listening to the esoteric teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon, that the course of my life is determined by the choices I make on a daily basis. This very much put the responsibility for how my life was back in my own court.

  21. It’s so true… When we reconnect to who we truly are, we do have a choice and that is the thing that most people indeed most of humanity feels that it does not have a choice.

  22. Joel, it’s a great point you make about what we are truly committed to, as we can as human beings make commitments to things that are truly not supportive, yet we can tightly grasp on to these familiar but harmful ways of being. In the surrender and letting go we can reconnect back to our true state of being, to the love and the joy.

  23. ‘Truth is, the esoteric is perfect – it’s just everything else that can suck’. Hmmm Let me guess is the writer Australian? :-)… I love the constant quirky wonderful wise writings of this man

  24. I have the strong sense that joy is innate in us all. Therefore, where we are not naturally joy-full, we have created misery. As Joel shares here it is hard to fathom why we would do this…but knowing we have the choice is a great step forward in our awareness.

    1. It’s a good distinction you have made Richard between what is naturally there, i.e., our love and joy, and when we leave that to be anything other than those qualities then we are creating.

    2. Understanding that there’s a part that does want to avoid joy helps as well. I can ask myself in moments of tension “What am I avoiding?” In reference to what part of my innately joy-full being is being avoided?

  25. Your words on our commitment to hardship, struggle and pain, and the duality of choosing joy and love instead really speaks to every human being, the duality is a commonality we all have, the confounding part is wanting love and joy and continually choosing the opposite. Serge Benhayon’s work has made this now so much clearer for me in understanding that by reconnecting to and learning to live from the inner-most heart I can actually live love and joy everyday.

    1. A great article Joel, I can give into the struggle and hardship as a known way of being because it has been so comfortable, not in the true sense but in the sense that it is familiar and I have identified that as me. Learning that it is not me, just part of my ideals and beliefs sometime takes time before I choose to reconnect to the love and joy that lives within.

  26. In the suffering we are comfortable, it is known. It’s kind of like a song that you dislike plays over and over on the radio and then a few weeks later you hear it when you are out to dinner and you are on a date, it’s in the background, faint and before you know what you are saying you say, “I know this song, I like it”
    It is not that you actually like it, it’s just been around so long, it kind of tricks you into thinking its a part of you.
    What you outline in your article is so true, I know that sometimes I get so attached to helping others that are struggling that I try to sell a picture rather than just communicate things the way they are, what you are offering, as usual is priceless, thank you Joel!

    1. The other part of the known of suffering is knowing others are comfortable with that, but they are not necessarily comfortable with our love and joy and when we express how amazing we are.

  27. Joel your words “The bewildering thing is observing and getting more familiar with that part of me that has some form of commitment to hardship, pain and suffering” really reminded me how we have a choice in every moment, and to choose who we truly are holds a great deal of power, a stark difference to living in the patterns that make us feel comfortable even when they don’t bring us physical comfort.

  28. There are some that prefer the struggle and drama in life as it stimulates them and gives them some identification in someway, everyone has freewill to either choose joy or struggle – but seems crazy we would not want to experience joy as this is key to feeling a grander form of love and our connection to the Oneness.

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