Writing a blog: the fear of rejection

by Mr Anonymous, Australia

I haven’t been able to write a blog.

When I re-read my attempts at writing a blog they feel grey and either a bit boastful or a bit negative on myself.

I found out it has to do with rejection. If I talk with a person, or even a group of people, I can make sure that I won’t get rejected, or that the chance is very slight. Public speaking holds few terrors for me – my worst, but bearable, experience was a public speech on the morning of Melbourne Cup Day. The audience suffered from anticipatory drunkenness even though it was 8 in the morning.

Writing a blog is different. So far I have always tied myself in knots trying to get words on paper.

It turns out that when I feel that I am about to be rejected by another person, I immediately go into reaction first, and when I write a blog I feel certain that some readers will reject what I write.

I therefore sit at the computer screen and am already in reaction.

Why do I go into reaction? It hurts less to be rejected if I have already rejected myself. That this is preposterously untrue has been irrelevant.

So, here it is – the first blog where I stayed connected to my heart. It feels more than a little ‘creaky’ and the ending is especially bad, but here it is.

460 thoughts on “Writing a blog: the fear of rejection

  1. This modifying, reducing or calibrating our expression and ourselves to suit other people is a big one and something I can definitely relate to. It is a self-made prison and a miserable way to live. It really feels liberating and amazing to simply express who we are and how we feel unencumbered.

  2. The fear of rejection or judgment from another really does tie us up in knots and tear each other down – which is the exact opposite of what we should all be doing which is to build each other up.

  3. Dear Mr anonymous… Thank you for stepping off into the unknown world of public expression… For most people this world is so fraught, full of fear, that it takes a rare courage to embark upon this journey. I’m sure that by now you have allowed yourself to express even more, letting go of even more old paradigms of rejection and self-worth so that the true you is heard far and wide.

  4. We have so much to say – the volumes being offered to us by God are limitless and our bodies are made to express this. To offset or control this flow we need to pull in quite a bit of resistance, like reaction, fear, comparison, rejection issues – or a mocktail of all the above.

  5. Having been written several years ago I would love to see how your expression has unfolded since then… for this was a truly beautiful start in being willing to be seen and to express awarenesses that were deeply healing to read. Stepping into the light may be difficult at first but once the power of the light touches you and others as a result, it is nearly impossible to step back from the enormity of what you bring when embraced like you did… I can only hope this was one of many.

  6. Thank you Mr Anonymous for sharing so honestly your first blog, we can never really get it wrong if we view each mistake as an opportunity for our learning, knowing that perfection is not possible on this plane of life.

  7. When we express from our bodies rather than from our minds, the fear of rejection does not get a look in.

  8. I loved reading this blog Mr. Anonymous as it was short and sweet; and real and heart felt. This is a great start. Stay with this very real approach and you cannot go wrong.

  9. I can see how I hold up a negative image about something/someone and go into movement to confirm that image – as that would prove me ‘right’ therefore give me a reason why I wouldn’t commit to it. Even though I may be left feeling scarred by it, at least I have an alibi not to step up. Ouch.

  10. The beautiful thing about this blog is that I can feel you. Your honesty, your truth and the tenderness of your heart. What more is there needed, as through what you have shared I can feel the power that comes through simply being our true selves and expressing what we feel from within, regardless of what others may or may not say or think. This is a huge learning for us all – well I know I am definitely speaking from my experience. However, I am loving the opportunities that are constantly presented to surrender to being and expressing all of me, all that I feel to all that I do. For expressing what is true is not only healing for ourselves but also is healing for us all as we bring to light what is true in us all. Thank you for sharing you.

  11. the anticipation of rejection and its consequent effect upon our expression is just one example of the myriad of effects that the unfocused mind can have upon us… the cumulative effect is profound and deep reaching. One of the most healing things that we can do in our lives is to develop true conscious presence, connecting with our bodies, and starting to heal all the distress that has been caused by the disconnection.

  12. The key is to write from who we are, rather than from who we are not. This blog does all this and more. Such simplicity, transparency and honesty…just my cup of tea.

  13. Dear Anonymous,
    I love your first blog. It is honest, inspiring and humorous all at the same time. Thank you for staying with your heart and speaking what was there.

  14. Well done Mr Anonymous for successfully writing a blog, I also share your fears around writing but I also know if we hold back our expression others miss out on what we have to offer. I notice the more I express the easier it becomes, and to never compare yourself to another for we each have our unique expression that makes up the whole.

  15. What game is it that we are being played with when we are so sensitive to the fear of rejection that we react in anticipation to something that has not even happened yet. More to the point, what are we doing to ourselves thinking like this.

  16. I love the honesty of this expression. I recon we pretty much all either do or have feared rejection, I know I do. There are forums where I feel safe, areas where I feel at least safer, like in singing, and areas where I particularly struggle. I agree that I can often reject myself before anyone has the chance to reject me as well, so it sets me up not to do well anyway. I am getting more able to hold myself these days.

  17. Bravo Mr Anonymous for taking the first step to breaking the ‘stranglehold’ that our unfounded fears have over us. The first step is always the hardest but once taken we open the door to new beginnings.

  18. Love it – the best way to get started is to start no matter what. Sometimes when I can’t get started on a project, article or whatever I just start writing and sometimes I write that I don’t know what to write which is great because it usually leads to whatever is there to be expressed.

  19. Awesome your ending contains the key to unlock the fear of rejection – staying connected to your heart.

  20. Rejecting ourselves, so we don’t feel hurt (seemingly) if another rejects us. A very powerful message.
    Today I felt rejected by someone close to me, and it hurt. What was amazing though is that I held myself with such love, that I felt the hurt, and it passed, my body then again filled with warmth.
    Rejecting ourselves is actually the most harmful, more harmful that it is coming from another.

  21. Mr. Anonymous the honesty and vulnerability, with which you write your first blog is deeply inspiring, and it is beautiful how you have highlighted a very important point, of how rejection often lies at the root cause of our fears and anxieties in life.

  22. “….the first blog where I stayed connected to my heart” – this is key Mr Anonymous. ‘Let the heart lead the way’ – and you did. Thankyou for sharing what many may feel. Great to challenge old paradigms.

  23. We are so often run by the old hurts, like rejection, and it is great to be taking these old feelings to task… well done for breaking through.

  24. So much of how we communicate, speak, write, is configured by anticipation… It is extraordinarily liberating to be able to speak and communicate from stillness, without any mental chatter, to be able in the way, speak from our essence.

  25. Mr Anonymous you can claim who you are as what you share in this blog is felt by so many others. When we seek approval and recognition for what we write the expectation can hold us back but when we express freely what we feel without checking in with our head to think if it will be okay the fear of rejection from ourselves and others fades.

  26. It’s fascinatingly ridiculous the way we tie ourselves in knots about expressing – be it the written or spoken word – and then project our insecurities onto what we believe will be a judging world. I suppose our thoughts must get tied in the same way, because they precede our speech or our qwerty move or pen flourish. So isn’t the question then, what precedes the thought that has us choose to put ourselves in such knots? Because it is, simply, choice and nothing but.

  27. Your humour and lightness bring so much joy Anonymous. Your words have allowed me to connect to the fact that I do the exact same thing, reject myself before anyone else can. So much has been held back for this reason alone and so much can be expressed if I simply see the lies for what they are and get on with it.

  28. I love the vulnerability in your blog and the healing power of your honesty and willingness to work through your reactions. You may feel creaky in your expression but all that truly matters is that it’s inspirational.

    1. Beautiful Felix for when we allow ourselves to express our playfulness and joy we quite literally lighten up.

  29. We all lose when brilliant writers like Anonymous hold back in anticipation of rejection which as the writer so deftly points out does not actually exist. Thank you for sharing your expression with us Anonymous, it is so courageous to face rejection head on and so powerful to realise it is nothing more than a myth we construct to hold back the great love we are.

    1. Absolutely Leonne, I agree, would God ever reject one of his own children, so why is there so much about feeling rejection? Could it be that we would do anything to not feel the hurt from the separation of being a Son of God and thus this is the rejection that we caused to our self because we stepped away from love?

  30. I would say that a few months ago I would have sat and felt the same if I was to write a blog. The more I express and trust my expression, I see how the fear of rejection is far less as my love for myself is so full that I don’t feel the need to fill myself with others’ acceptance. This feels awesome to come to this point in myself. All the more to share with the world when we accept what we have to say is not only worth hearing but valuable (note to self).

  31. The integrity of the author to write from his heart touches the reader and because of this his essence can be felt and recognised as something within us too.

  32. Dear Mr anonymous… I’m sure that Shakespeare crumpled up many a sheet of paper when he started… And look at him now, really it really is just putting pen to paper, or recording those first notes, there can be so much inertia, but when we start it can be just truly and simply wonderful when we connect to that flow and understand that we are co-creating not creating.

  33. Awesome writing Mr Anonymous. Since becoming a student with Universal Medicine I have been working on underlying acceptance and recognition issues of which fear of rejection has been a solid branch. Your blog has left me considering where those pockets of fear of rejection are still lurking in my life and I can see a few … so thank you for bringing this subject to my attention.

  34. This is just awesome, the fear of rejection is enormous, for me at least, and a lot of actions are still based on that fear. But what you write is so simple and honest, I get the opportunity to be honest as well and feel that there is nothing to be feared about as, I am coming to know that all that I am is already great which in effect I reject when I fear rejection.

  35. When we compare what we do to how someone else does it this might result in feeling not good enough. We keep trying to excel at something to fuel our self worth, even when it comes to doing things from the heart we go into competing and comparing and getting it right. Putting yourself out there like you have done with this blog is a great inspiration to us all to drop the act, just be and express.

  36. I love the fact that you are prepared to give writing a blog a go.
    The level of self awareness you have and expressed is very inspirational.
    Thank you Mr Anonymous for sharing your experience of writing a blog, you have done an awesome job.

  37. You have opened up and honestly expressed from your heart Anonymous, this a great and true beginning and with small steps you can start to build a solid foundation from your inner truth. The more we appreciate ourselves, even with the smallest things, our confidence grows and with that we naturally feel the impulse to express more of who we are.

    1. Thank you Adam. This will serve as a reminder when I block myself from expressing for fear of getting it “wrong”.

  38. Congratulations on expressing something of you. For that is all it is. Sure, some people will reject what you say, but at least you have been true to yourself in saying it. When we write what we think people want to read, or hold back and measure just how much of ourselves we will expose in our expression, then who are we being when we write if not our full selves? What is it about ourselves that we are rejecting? Writing is like doing abdominal crunches. Start and it hurts, because we haven’t been using that expression muscle regularly. Stop and the muscles atrophy. Our expression atrophies. Regularly and gently – that’s the way.

  39. What your blog highlights for me is that I have a certain picture of what a blog is or something written as such. But who decides that anyway? I have read many, many blogs over the last months and I must say all have inspired me somehow. So I can say anything that is written with honesty and from our daily lives, sharing observations, discoveries, is absolutely worth reading and there is always the extra juicy part from everybody’s unique way of expressing themselves.

  40. I too, have been wanting to write a blog and have already 2 half done. My fear is that I won’t get it “right” so I am judging what I have already written. I have since realised, that this is an opportunity for me to learn about expressing myself, no right or wrong just an opportunity to evolve to the next step by putting myself out there. Time for me to go ahead and do this. Thank you Mr. Anonymous for the prompt.

  41. Mr. Anonymous, thank you for sharing so openly your blog writing experiences, I have felt this and I am sure others have too, when sitting down to start writing. The sentence “why do I go into reaction? It hurts less to be rejected if I have already rejected myself” rings very true for me too and is something I will be pondering on.

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