Writing a blog: the fear of rejection

by Mr Anonymous, Australia

I haven’t been able to write a blog.

When I re-read my attempts at writing a blog they feel grey and either a bit boastful or a bit negative on myself.

I found out it has to do with rejection. If I talk with a person, or even a group of people, I can make sure that I won’t get rejected, or that the chance is very slight. Public speaking holds few terrors for me – my worst, but bearable, experience was a public speech on the morning of Melbourne Cup Day. The audience suffered from anticipatory drunkenness even though it was 8 in the morning.

Writing a blog is different. So far I have always tied myself in knots trying to get words on paper.

It turns out that when I feel that I am about to be rejected by another person, I immediately go into reaction first, and when I write a blog I feel certain that some readers will reject what I write.

I therefore sit at the computer screen and am already in reaction.

Why do I go into reaction? It hurts less to be rejected if I have already rejected myself. That this is preposterously untrue has been irrelevant.

So, here it is – the first blog where I stayed connected to my heart. It feels more than a little ‘creaky’ and the ending is especially bad, but here it is.

443 thoughts on “Writing a blog: the fear of rejection

  1. If I ever felt hurt from another rejecting me or disrespecting or dismissing me. Often what hurt more was it was highlighting that I’d already done that to myself first! No one is to blame if we feel upset, in fact they are helping us by showing what we’ve done to ourselves. The answer isn’t in making ourselves the bad guy but to be open to understanding why.

  2. “It turns out that when I feel that I am about to be rejected by another person, I immediately go into reaction first, and when I write a blog I feel certain that some readers will reject what I write.” I have recently been looking at self sabotage, to reduce who I am so that the situation I am going into feels more safe to me than entering shining brightly. I agree that it doesn’t hurt any less to reject ourselves first, in fact any form of separating from ourselves would have to be our greatest hurt. Great topic.

  3. There is no right or wrong we are sensitive beings who have stopped reading energy first and because of this the energy enters our body and we feel harmed by it. If we were to start reading the energy that comes through people rather than seeing them as a relative, friend, teacher, work colleague etc., we would not get hurt because we would understand that the energy that we feel first is not the person in front of us. We cannot be fooled if we read energy first. If humanity worked on reading energy rather than getting caught in social pleasantries our lives would change over night.

  4. The possibility of someone judging, not liking, rejecting what I have written – I find I get most anxious and go wobbly about that when I know I was not fully connected with myself and possibly in reaction to something/someone and have allowed that to be expressed.

  5. Writing from the heart we can feel that the energy of love is flowing through us and we can let go of the ‘me’.

  6. I love that this has been written, for it speaks to many of us and I realised one of my ‘blocks’ on writing is that I can’t control the outcome, as noted here it’s easier one on one when we speak or present, we’re there ready to defend, but when we write we present it in a from accessible to many others and they may react and we cannot control that. And in writing this I feel how that attempt to control is in fact making it about me and looking good and getting acceptance when in fact the purpose here can be to connect to who we are and to present from there, for nothing is owned by us, it comes through us and really it’s about getting ourselves out of the way.

  7. There are many ways to share yourself with the world. The fear of being rejected is a killer of all of them. Because you fear rejection from others, you discard things inside you all the time and master the art of rejecting yourself first.

  8. This blog invites so many others in a similar boat to put pen to appear and just write (or type), I for one was inspired the first time I read this blog and I’d love to know where you are now with your expression.

  9. So few opportunities come our way to read something or experience another human being in their rawness, honesty and complete openness – there is a lot to appreciate in that alone, as it invites us all to be the same, and sets a standard that says ‘honesty and openness is acceptable’, which is so much better than the current standard of putting on a face and not being real with where we are at.

  10. Fabulous – well done. We have such a picture of what writing a blog should look like and in fact we have to just give it a go and see what comes after all we didn’t just stand up and walk without a few tumbles and bumps along the way!

  11. We have this morbid tendency to put ourselves down before anyone else has the chance to do likewise – just in case they might think we’re up ourselves. And thus we litter our expression, verbal and written, with disclaimers and excuses, make ourselves small and pretend we don’t count. Does this really make sense?

    1. What this reminds me of is the Tall Poppy Syndrome, however the responsibility to cut ourselves down (or allow others to cut us down) lies with ourselves.

  12. “It hurts less to be rejected if I have already rejected myself. That this is preposterously untrue has been irrelevant” – this is such an interesting point and I can very much relate. I don’t know if it’s a kind of security we find in this that we prefer to be able to say we had been anticipating being hurt rather than admitting to feeling that our trust was somehow betrayed and love was not confirmed or reciprocated. Like, we shut the door on a possibility of being hurt, but we are also shutting the door on everything else that being transparent would bring to our relationship at the same time.

    1. We are also shutting the door on our ability to handle the hurt, which we can if we don’t withdraw or contract and stay steady with our essence. We believe the way others respond or react to us is what will hurt, and it can, but the true hurt is simply in separating from ourselves. If we stay in the separation and believe it’s the hurt from a situation we experienced we give our power to the outside circumstances. Sure, we may need support to return to ourselves but the truth is we often deny our power to simply be ourselves despite the circumstances of life.

  13. Rejecting myself – before others have a chance to do so. I so recognise this. yet I don’t see this in very young children – who are often brim full of confidence. It would seem once we start school the competition from others and thus fear of failing can set in – and it can be a downward spiral from then on, unless we reconnect with who we truly are – as we did when young ones.

  14. Our ability to communicate and express is such a vital part in our lives. But it is really interesting how on so many levels that we hold ourselves back out of either fear or a host of other equally insidious emotions that totally undermine us living our potential.

  15. It is such a clever set up isn’t it! That it hurts less if we reject ourselves before anyone else rejects us, but I suspect this is a well trodden path by many more than you and I.

  16. Hilarious and super honest, I love it. Quite unbelievable, coming to think of it, how much we contort and pretzel ourselves to fit into what we think might happen, what we fear is about to happen and that we will certainly be rejected. Where is this certainty coming from>? We reject ourselves first, yes?

  17. This is absolutely hilarious and equally so deeply honest and very true; when we fear and anticipate something coming towards us, in this case rejection, we go out of our way to make sure the other doesn’t keep the upper hand in this exchange and reject ourselves first, denigrate or speak poorly about ourselves. Pretty crazy me-feels.

  18. the best is when we are raw and honest, just like you in this blog.. it catches an eye, simply because we are so used to manipulated speech that once truth is spoken from its real and rawness it stands out. Better stand out for truth than be hidden by evil.

  19. Fear of rejection is something that taints so many people’s expression to the point where people do not even know truly the sound of their real and true voice… This really is essential to heal, because expression is so important.

  20. Wonderful observations about rejection Mr Anonymous, how true. Yes, if we reject ourselves we feel less fearful of the rejection of others somehow – even though we then end up living under the constant cloud of our own self-rejection. As I read the blog I felt that actually what works for me these days is choosing not to reject myself, because this is what really hurts – and I find, that even if others reject me or my words, if I stay loving with myself, that is what truly matters and what truly heals.

  21. You have not only put pen to paper but you have had it looked over by editors and allowed it to be published and read by us, there is so much for you to appreciate stepping out and writing your first blog, maybe the first of many more to come. Thank you for sharing you.

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