by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD
I was at the beauty therapist’s the other day. I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t see the therapist’s face, but could feel that she was a little surprised (or perhaps confused) when I mentioned that I had been to the movies with my ex. The therapist knew I had recently separated and simply asked ‘Do you guys still hang out…?’ Because it felt perfectly normal to me (we still work together and see each other every day), I didn’t realise until afterwards that this is not the norm, and hence why it had so obviously puzzled the therapist.
My ex and I have been married for nearly 22 years, and our separation 4 months ago was mutual. It came out of an honest admission that our relationship had never been based on ‘true’ love. The actual separation happened more lovingly and with more support than I believe either of us could have ever imagined possible in the past, especially considering the history of our relationship. There was no animosity, no financial tension, no blame and no judgment. Of course, there was (and is) sadness and hurt for both of us (and our children), and this is something we are all individually working on in our own way and timing, but it has not been the emotional, bitter experience that is evident in many separations.
My ex and I have worked together in our own business since we were first married, and when we first separated I personally felt that continuing to work together would only be a temporary arrangement until we could establish the practicalities of separating our financial and business assets. However, what we have experienced over the past few months has been beautifully surprising (and perhaps dare I say ‘amazing’) for us both. While it has not always been easy (we still have our hurts and issues to continue working on, some days more than others), I can feel a steadiness, harmony and solidity within our business relationship that has slowly begun to unfold. I feel the steady growing of our individual commitment to ourselves, and the growing and steady unfolding of a new respect and appreciation for each other that we did not have before.
This is not a connection that is about getting back together or reconciling our marriage, but a connection and commitment based on two people who have spent half a lifetime together and who are working on a different way to be in the relationship.
Our relationship is far from perfect, though no perfection is claimed nor aspired to. I cannot say how long we will continue to work together, however for now we are continuing to develop a new, more loving way to be in the relationship, with ourselves and with each other, and it is a beautiful healing experience for us both.
Although I have been a student of Universal Medicine for over 2 ½ years, I feel to point out that my ex is not an active student. The choices and changes he has made in his own life, are choices he has made, and truths he has connected to, as a result of what he has felt to be true and right for him. The more I have re-learnt to be less imposing and less judgmental and critical of his choices (my own included), and the more I have allowed him the grace to express himself for who he is, the more he reflects the beautiful, gentle man that he naturally is.
Both our families felt a lot of sadness when we separated, which is of course understandable. Interestingly enough however, both my ex and I felt free – not free as in being set free from a jail sentence (!), but a freedom to be honest and to be true to ourselves and our relationship. We both feel there is more ‘true’ love in our choice and in our relationship now, than was there previously. Although understandably difficult at time, and also sad, it truly has been a beautiful experience for us both – with more love and support for each other than either of us could have ever imagined.
Over the past 2+ years we have been re-learning to communicate with each other in a way that is more honest, open and loving, and we are having the opportunity to build a new ‘true’ foundation for our relationship, in whatever form that may currently be.
I am personally deeply grateful to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for opening me to the grace and support in re-learning to self-love, for presenting the opportunity to finally see myself as the beautiful, amazing woman I am, and to see my ex for the beautiful, gentle and amazing man that he naturally is. As a direct result, my ex and I are both experiencing that in regard to our marriage and separation, there is indeed a different and more truly loving way to be…