Marriage & Separation (Part 3): there ‘is’ a Different Way

by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD

I was at the beauty therapist’s the other day. I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t see the therapist’s face, but could feel that she was a little surprised (or perhaps confused) when I mentioned that I had been to the movies with my ex. The therapist knew I had recently separated and simply asked ‘Do you guys still hang out…?’ Because it felt perfectly normal to me (we still work together and see each other every day), I didn’t realise until afterwards that this is not the norm, and hence why it had so obviously puzzled the therapist.

My ex and I have been married for nearly 22 years, and our separation 4 months ago was mutual. It came out of an honest admission that our relationship had never been based on ‘true’ love. The actual separation happened more lovingly and with more support than I believe either of us could have ever imagined possible in the past, especially considering the history of our relationship. There was no animosity, no financial tension, no blame and no judgment. Of course, there was (and is) sadness and hurt for both of us (and our children), and this is something we are all individually working on in our own way and timing, but it has not been the emotional, bitter experience that is evident in many separations.

My ex and I have worked together in our own business since we were first married, and when we first separated I personally felt that continuing to work together would only be a temporary arrangement until we could establish the practicalities of separating our financial and business assets. However, what we have experienced over the past few months has been beautifully surprising (and perhaps dare I say ‘amazing’) for us both. While it has not always been easy (we still have our hurts and issues to continue working on, some days more than others), I can feel a steadiness, harmony and solidity within our business relationship that has slowly begun to unfold. I feel the steady growing of our individual commitment to ourselves, and the growing and steady unfolding of a new respect and appreciation for each other that we did not have before.

This is not a connection that is about getting back together or reconciling our marriage, but a connection and commitment based on two people who have spent half a lifetime together and who are working on a different way to be in the relationship.

Our relationship is far from perfect, though no perfection is claimed nor aspired to. I cannot say how long we will continue to work together, however for now we are continuing to develop a new, more loving way to be in the relationship, with ourselves and with each other, and it is a beautiful healing experience for us both.

Although I have been a student of Universal Medicine for over 2 ½ years, I feel to point out that my ex is not an active student. The choices and changes he has made in his own life, are choices he has made, and truths he has connected to, as a result of what he has felt to be true and right for him. The more I have re-learnt to be less imposing and less judgmental and critical of his choices (my own included), and the more I have allowed him the grace to express himself for who he is, the more he reflects the beautiful, gentle man that he naturally is.

Both our families felt a lot of sadness when we separated, which is of course understandable. Interestingly enough however, both my ex and I felt free – not free as in being set free from a jail sentence (!), but a freedom to be honest and to be true to ourselves and our relationship. We both feel there is more ‘true’ love in our choice and in our relationship now, than was there previously. Although understandably difficult at time, and also sad, it truly has been a beautiful experience for us both – with more love and support for each other than either of us could have ever imagined.

Over the past 2+ years we have been re-learning to communicate with each other in a way that is more honest, open and loving, and we are having the opportunity to build a new ‘true’ foundation for our relationship, in whatever form that may currently be.

I am personally deeply grateful to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for opening me to the grace and support in re-learning to self-love, for presenting the opportunity to finally see myself as the beautiful, amazing woman I am, and to see my ex for the beautiful, gentle and amazing man that he naturally is. As a direct result, my ex and I are both experiencing that in regard to our marriage and separation, there is indeed a different and more truly loving way to be…

Part 1: Marriage & Separation (Part 1): Failure versus True Love
Part 2: Marriage & Separation (Part 2): Discovering True Love
Sequel: My Date with my Ex: Re-Imprinting with Love

387 thoughts on “Marriage & Separation (Part 3): there ‘is’ a Different Way

  1. This really highlights that what’s truly important in relationships is our own self love and love for others, not the type of relationship we are in nor any changes in how we relate, for example from being married to separating and staying friends and business partners. Relationships don’t go to new levels because of how they appear on the surface, but because of the love we bring to them. It’s possible to get divorced but for the relationship to go to a new level because the love has increased.

  2. With a level of discord that can escalate in certain situations and certain relationships, the blessing is then the divorce rather than trying to live with this discord continuously and keeping up a facade about the relationship being fine. This kind of game ends up being a form of arrangement rather than a true marriage. I even get a feeling in my relationships that what might appear to be a smooth relationship, may not necessarily be a loving one if we are not constantly deepening what is on offer. And this I find is challenging me to allow more of me out to be seen and heard.

  3. What matters most is how we are with each other, in other words the quality of relationship that we can share with our loved ones. Married or not, blood ties or not, in the end it is not this that determines the quality, but rather it is the way we choose to be with the person that matters the most. And sometimes when we have a picture of how a relationship ‘should’ be, this prevents us from being able to bring all there is to the relationship from our side – I am certainly familiar with this and how it can interfere and reduce the quality of an otherwise divine relationship. And so this becomes the learning – a lesson to give permission to drop the picture and allow our true essence to communicate that what is needed in the relationship.

  4. When we make our life about deepening in true love, we are no longer confined by so-called relationship status, and really, that is the only relationship we are actually having and in a process of deepening constantly, the one with the essence of God.

  5. It is such a beautiful process to learn to allow another person to be free to be who they are in any relationship without any pressure or imposition or expectations.

  6. “dare I say ‘amazing’” When we appreciate how amazing we are we feel the truth of the love that we are.

  7. How inspirational this is Angela, when there are so many couples who end up warring with each other when they separate. This kind of seperation benefits no one, least of all themselves and only adds to the hurts that are already there.

  8. Something I have learned and am learning is that everything no matter how devastating or catastrophic is may seem like at the time presents us with an opportunity to deepen the love we are if we embrace it and if we resist it and fight it then it will simply come back until we allow ourselves the space, love and unfolding to see what is before us as a gift rather than a punishment.

    1. What you have shared James feels very beautiful for many of us we feel abandoned by God and may be this is not the case we are just resisting our own love and from what you are saying love will always keep presenting itself until such a time that we resist no longer and reconnect back to God once again. This shows me that God does not judge but continues to shower us with never ending love. There is something for us all to learn here.

  9. It is interesting how obsessed we are with labelling relationships e.g. married or separated and yet you are demonstrating that no matter the label it is how we are with ourselves and each other that confirms the depth of true love and commitment to evolving within a relationship, married or not.

  10. I love what you offer here by way of sharing how you both took the change in relationship to actually be an opportunity to be more truly loving. I find it genuinely heart-warming.

  11. The way you have separated has taken one of the main traumas out of your life as people can hang onto the hurts and those wounds never heal until you can at-least show decency and respect for your partner as you have Angela.

    1. I agree Greg, we can hang onto hurts all our lives and has so many regrets that we miss out on what is before us constantly bringing up and focusing on the past. We cannot change the past only the present and the future so carrying onto hurts only bogs us down and keeps us entrenched in misery, let them go and we free to simply be ourselves.

      1. The future, that next moment, is guaranteed by the energy we are aligned to. So then the reflection, which is the greatest form of communication is when we are in our essences this is guaranteed, thus to connect, move and reflect it is so simple. Or KISS, Keep It So Simple!

      2. Agreed James and may I add that complication, complexities, pride and critique all take away the Deepening-Humble-Appreciative-Ness that is our essence.

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