Not the typical man-to-man conversation

by Francis Tybislawski, Brisbane, Australia

I attended a Universal Medicine presentation recently, hosted by Serge Benhayon, where there was discussion about how men interact with each other, and the types of conversations they have. In general men are very good at talking or interacting in a certain way and about certain subjects. It is very easy for us to discuss technical things, how things work, how we build things, how we make things work, and what we do for a living. We can discuss sport for hours on end and we discuss things at home, but often in a clinical and structured way. We may venture into how certain things feel, but it is often from a competitive angle. In some ways many conversations are competitive, always proving (or trying to) that our lives are better than other men’s lives, the things we own or have are better than somebody else’s. We use our assets to prove we are doing fine, that our lifestyle is great and consistently growing better.

What we don’t often do is communicate at the human level, about feelings and emotions, in an open and personal way. The closest most men would get to talking about a feeling is to say “I felt like &$*%”, and that would probably be after boasting at length about how drunk they got on the weekend, again showing that they can do that better than the other person. To summarise, most conversations men have are very structured, they stay within rigid boundaries, and going outside those boundaries is not something most men can or will ever do.

A few days ago I had a brief conversation with a fellow worker near the end of an eight hour shift. I have been working on and off with this man for five weeks teaching him a specific role, how to do certain tasks, how to manage certain situations, what needs to be documented and how it is documented. I wasn’t alone in this task as my colleague has also had tuition from others during this period. This day, however, was his assessment on his ability to perform the task on one of the busiest days of the week, to manage all the work himself, and deal with any situations or incidents that developed. He did have some unusual situations arise and he managed them well, ultimately passing the assessment easily. After his assessment I had a brief opportunity to chat with him about the assessment, how he thought it went, and some of the situations he had to deal with. I was also able to offer some additional information from my former role to help explain one incident he dealt with in more detail.

Nothing unusual so far, just a typical man-to-man conversation about work. At this point I felt to share something more personal with him.

Rather than continue that typical man-to-man type of conversation, I just had to express something else, and I don’t know why this came up, it came as a feeling which I then let articulate into a few words. I looked him straight in the eyes and simply expressed that I was quite impressed with how quickly he had learned this new role.

It was as simple as that.

There was no competitive-ness or comparison.

There was an acknowledgement of equality between us.

We had connected in a very different way to what he and I were accustomed to, and I could tell from his face and expression that he too felt the difference deeply. I felt a warmth suddenly fill my body, I felt a sense of expansion within like I was filling up some empty space inside that had been missing for ages. At this very moment I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

Why, I’m not totally sure, but I believe it is due to the fact that, as men, we rarely if ever speak so openly to each other about the personal things in life. I was feeling the built up sadness within from holding that back for so long, and for missing it for so long. I had crossed that boundary line, ever so briefly, where men’s conversations typically and purposefully avoid going because it isn’t seen as being a manly quality. It doesn’t fit that strong, hard, macho image that is pushed into us throughout life, in almost everything we see and do. It certainly felt very different, a little uncomfortable, but very uplifting. It was like part of a long held burden was lifted and I felt so much lighter and freer than ever before.

Once again I can only thank Serge Benhayon, and others involved with Universal Medicine, for simply presenting that there can be a different way of living; a way that is much more meaningful, and lovely to experience.

328 thoughts on “Not the typical man-to-man conversation

  1. It is such a blessing, not only for ourselves but also for the men who are willing to express our appreciation for one another and preferably not only about what that what has achieved, but also about the quality of care, dedication, tenderness and delicateness that is presented to us through that man in from of us.

  2. How deeply do we allow ourselves to connect to another person and how much are we open to willingly share honestly what we feel? Tears still come to my eyes sometimes when I feel the truth and depth of love and care from another, or from myself.

  3. The expansion you felt in your body after venturing past the image of how men communicate with each other speaks volume – it proves how much we hurt ourselves and others by not expressing how truly amazing we all are.

  4. Very beautiful to feel that when we are willing to let go of the images and pictures of who we should be, we let go of the false constructs that we think make us who we are, or prop us up but actually have us living in protection. Instead we are free in that moment to feel what has always been there within us, waiting to emerge and be freely expressed – the joy of who we are within. A joy that fills our bodies with the truth and love of the light we are, where our connection to this inner-quality is the quality of connection we can share with others. You have highlighted the power of Brotherhood that is available for us to live, when we open up ourselves to truly connect and communicate with another from the truth in our hearts rather than the made false images of our mind.

  5. I love seeing men being very open together and very tender. Somehow I feel we all miss out on that when it becomes about sports scores.

  6. Having conversations that go deeper than the surface make life feel different, because if we stay on the surface ‘How are you, fine thanks’ we can feel stuck in a ‘is this it?’ way. Universal Medicine always takes the conversation deeper and highlights that there is always more to discuss, feel and be aware of.

  7. Beautiful Frank- we all crave this type of interactions but often we allow our stuff to get in the way from holding this consistently with others. I am inspired by you and many men I meet who are opening up and breaking through the confines of what we are told it is to be a man and allowing yourselves to express more openly and share the love you feel.

  8. So many people can go through life as heavy drinkers then even when their stomach may be rejecting the huge amounts of alcohol they are consuming, which can actually make it difficult to drink, they still persevere even though it makes them quite ill. When they get test results and one enquires how they are going, it can be hard to have them admit they are actually anything but fine. It is strange how men and women seem to have this ability to say they are fine when in actual fact their world is crumbling around them and they are left in the devastation of another life lived that is not it. And I wondered how many more lives are we all going to live before we admit to ourselves that living life in disconnection to God gets us nowhere.

  9. We are all great at the small talk, but how often do we really talk deeply and meaningfully without holding back from one other, from my own experiences when we open up and don’t hold back what is shared is deeply felt and often opens the conversation up to go deeper still.

  10. “I felt to share something more personal with him” – this can change so many things for people – things we may not even know about or ever see, for example how someone lives, what’s going on at home for them, in their relationships, with their partner or kids, or how they take care and look after themselves.

  11. It only takes a simple word or gesture with another to feel the vastness of the Universe, the love we are held in and by. As we are designed to live in union with this and thus in true communion with each other, in hurts us deeply to live anything less.

  12. It’s a much appreciated insight you have shared into the world of men and how they communicate. It also gives me insight into how to relate to men outside of these boundaries and by doing so offering a healing for us both. Thank you.

  13. Francis, what you are sharing feels so true, I observe that boys are not encouraged to talk about how they are feeling, in society it seems we expect boys to be tough and not sensitive and so there being no need to say what they truly feel. I have a young son who is very expressive, he tells people he loves them, this can be men, women, boys or girls, he has so much love that it is very natural for him to express this to others, he has not learnt to squash these feelings and to hold back and it is interesting to see how when we come into the world boys are naturally expressive and not tough at all.

  14. Very beautiful what you have shared Francis, the deep tenderness that is innate in the heart of every man coming through in your expression with your co worker.

  15. Beautiful Francis. Competition breeds both comparison and contempt whereas appreciation not only confirms anothers proficiencies but also their potential. We all need to inject and bring a lot more appreciation and confirmation into our workplaces.

  16. Love this. It is this type of open communication which is so needed, and I can say that I have had the privilege to experience this during a men’s group during a retreat in Vietnam run by Universal Medicine, whereby the women were able to listen in on the mens group discussion. It was very humbling to listen to how they spoke amongst themselves at times showing their vulnerability, sensitivity and tenderness.

  17. The way we express to one another in a genuinely open way is so needed, because as you have experienced Frank when we do it has the possibility to change how we interact with each other. I have noticed that the more open and caring I am with people they respond in kind and it becomes a meaningful interaction.

  18. The warmth that is possible to share with people that we don’t know, that we have never met, is surely an indicator that there is a wellspring of interconnectedness deep within us all just waiting to be tapped into… And that there truly is meaning to the words we are all one.

  19. I have known Serge Benhayon for over 10 years now and during this time he has always always been open with his body language, at ease, gentle natured and mannered and not afraid to show how much he genuinely cares about someone (men and women). Serge does not hold back the truth or expression of what is felt in that moment. The reason I am sharing this is because from observing Serge over the years I have noticed my guard has dropped, I no longer hold (or very little) my body in hardness or protection, I am more open, I am more loving with myself and others, I have changed. As you also acknowledge Serge at the end of your blog to me it shows when we have people like this in our life how it affects us, the relationship we have with ourselves and also others to the point where you felt not to hold back with the man you were working with. It also shows when we do hold back from expressing, especially in appreciating another equally, just how much it affects our body.

  20. You writing about this particular incident where you acknowledged another man with equality and appreciation got me thinking: have I ever heard a man express this way? I can’t remember but I can certainly understand the sadness that comes up when we realise how perfunctory and in many ways meaningless and lacking of love our interactions with others can be, and that is equally as true for women as it is for men.

  21. When you are truly with yourself and giving yourself the space to express with another, there is no planning what to say or pre-empting scenarios in your head, you just start speaking from your body in the most natural and easy way, and don’t even know what is coming next. Then you’re just left in the joy of speaking from all of your body without any pressure and that feels amazing.

  22. The true intimacy between two men is felt in this sharing. This is such a healing for us a s human beings. To let each other in and to express from that level.

  23. It is amazing Francis, what a seemingly simple affirmative statement, made to a colleague, can make; taking the connection deeper. Your example shows this very powerfully.

  24. This blog shows how simply beautiful our connections can be when we express honestly and openly with everyone we meet and it doesn’t need to be a lengthy conversation. Just a few simple words spoken from truth. Thank you Francis.

  25. I love that through Universal Medicine you have not only found a greater meaning in life but have discovered a depth in expression not previously ventured… and embraced the power in healing that is possible when men drop the facades and protection and speak with an open heart

  26. Amazing. The more of this we can practice the better for all of us. This includes relationship between women in the workplace.

  27. There are amazing countries in the world where men are always welcomed by one another as their ‘brother’, and these close, trusting and open relationships really shape how people do trade and look after their families. A lot of things would change if we dropped the expectations put on men to have the most status and be tough, macho or hard, just think about how the relationships between men and women would change for a start if in a man-man environment there was no pressure to sound the most ‘impressive’ and ‘manly’, which can include disrespecting women and their own personal feelings.

  28. Once we are open and express what we are feeling it is like the dam is broached and it just gets easier as the words flow.

  29. I have a friend who has just got married to a beautiful man who is so open, tender and caring and it is such a pleasure to be in his company as there are no corners to him and people can be themselves around him and this feels so open and joyful.

  30. It is so beautiful to see men express their love for each other, I don’t mean sexually but the deep care and tenderness they have for a friend, when they drop that rough exterior and allow themselves to be equal with another man and allow themselves to be seen in that.

  31. Thank you for sharing your experience here. It is so lovely when we can be open and appreciative of each other, not holding back what we feel.

  32. I love this Frank, it seems men spend lot of time together pretending that they are not these amazing, sweet, powerful, sensitive human beings, it’s so great to hear from a man that this doesn’t need to be the case.

  33. This example shows how routine and semi-automated a lot of conversations have become; and this is true for men just as much as for women. We pretend we are satisfied with our lifestyle bubbles and platitudes while deep inside, we all yearn to be met and seen for who we truly are. And who we truly are has definitely nothing to do with our titles, positions or job titles.

  34. How wonderful to be able to share openly something so simple without an ounce of competitiveness or jealousy. This starts in childhood and parenting so great to be able to spot it as an adult and choose a different way.

  35. This is a beautiful moment of what it is to be a vehicle of the divine. The warmth of God as it flows through you and is felt by another. Gorgeous moment Frank, thanks for sharing.

  36. Beautiful Francis! Opening up expressing intimacy and be real with your feelings is freeing of not only you and the others receiving, but for all. We are vehicles to express all that we feel. We do not own what we feel but offer this to another to feel all that they feel too.

  37. Isn’t it beautiful to connect with other men this way? I do that as well, and also in a business environment. I feel this makes my work and the work of others pleasurable as, specially as men, we share intimacy, I tell them how I feel and what I appreciate (this is coming from my body) about them.

  38. Mmmm maybe the ‘typical man-to-man conversation is changing? That would be cool. Also you have exposed here how we express affects the body. If we hold back, are not open or willing to connect with another then from experience I know this at least affects our heart and keeps it small and contracted but when you felt to share something that came to you with your colleague with no holding back this happened ‘I felt a warmth suddenly fill my body, I felt a sense of expansion within like I was filling up some empty space inside that had been missing for ages.’ Amazing. As Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have often shared expression really is everything.

  39. What if we took the time and care to make sure all our conversations actually meant something, we have so many shallow meaningless conversations that you could say are a waste of our time and evolution, it could be a really cool experiment to see what it would be like to make every interaction meaningful.

  40. Whenever we come from a competitive angle with anything comparison and the inequality of someone being better and another less than is what fuels it.

  41. Breaking free from the entanglement of our minds is the greatest thing you can do – and I would not be able to start doing this without the support of Serge Benhayon, who teaches mankind with his mindblowing lived truth – where life is truly about, and how we have used our minds to not feel that and distract us away from the one and only truth – we are divine (One-whole Soul).

  42. It’s great for men and people to explore different ways or qualities of how to talk and be with each other. As we know it’s not what we do that hits home but how we are in what we do. It’s never one word that truly makes the difference, this maybe the point at which you feel it or see it but the work is done in the moment by moment true quality we are. As men we are used to doing plenty and for most part do it well but what is offered here is a dedication to quality, a true quality that comes not from what men are currently portrayed to be but comes from a deep sense of feeling how we naturally are.

  43. What an awesome example of how the normal day to day things can be so different simply by how we are in ourselves. If we are open, other people are open – and all of a sudden we break down the walls of needing to be a certain way with each other. Very powerful.

  44. There is nothing quite so precious as loving, honest conversation between two people. The word love need never be mentioned, just the honouring of another person, seeing them as who they are makes the quality of the words loving.

  45. I love this beautiful simple story. Allowing a moment of love between two men, for surely that is what this moment was, is a rare thing to do but it ought to be an everyday thing.The ripples from this will keep expanding offering other men the same opportunity.

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