Our tendency to blame others and the freedom responsibility brings

by Anonymous

In my many years of life I have got to know and have met thousands of people, be they family, friends, colleagues at work and acquaintances. From my experience almost without exception, there is ALWAYS somebody to blame for our woes.

My mum is convinced that my sister-in-law is the main cause for my brother’s alcohol problems. My brother has determined that his son-in-law is the main cause for his daughter’s ‘wasted’ life and lack of opportunities… oh, and for getting her pregnant! My immediate and distant family declares that my sister’s unhappiness is because she is married to her husband. My best friend’s mother and sister are convinced that the only reason a boy turned to drugs is because one of his best friends lured him into it. My family is convinced that some of my son’s irresponsible choices are a direct result of his friendships with ‘shady’ characters. One of my best friends blames her mother for her unhappiness in living as a ‘closet homosexual’ for decades. My other friend blames her mother and father for her own ‘hardness’ and her disharmonious marriage, because her parents had never given her the affection and approval that she had always wanted; oh, and it’s her husband’s fault for the disharmony, because he is too meek and does not express. A friend’s wife, turned lesbian, blames the husband for not being gentle enough with her, so she turned to women. An old school friend blames every company she worked for (and boy, there have been many) for laying her off, due to not understanding her openness and her directness. My childhood boyfriend (now a grown man) blames his wife for not being able to live the life he wants – which is with another woman he fell in love with!

We blame our children for lack of sleep, and supermarkets for displaying chocolate bars in the most prominent (tempting) places… traffic lights for accidents; dentists for our tooth decay (not us for not attending to our teeth diligently); doctors for not diagnosing our conditions in good time (not us for not taking care of our bodies); wet pavements for our falls (not for us not watching where we are going)…

In the country where I was born and lived for many years, it is more than common for family members not to speak to each other (half of my father’s family doesn’t speak to each other for one reason or another). It is holding grudges, not holding hands, which is practised most. I know a man who did not speak to his mother-in-law for many, many years (up until very recently – he came to see her a year after she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer)… and they lived very close to one another!

And the list goes on… Without exaggeration, I could write a decent size book (War and Peace), just on these and many similar examples. The point I am making is that the media don’t have to go to family, friends or colleagues of those who are ‘unhappy’ about Universal Medicine and who chose Serge Benhayon as their scapegoat – they could have gone ANYWHERE on earth and would have found – no exceptions – that people would be blaming somebody or something else for their misery. So why Universal Medicine?

Accepting responsibility, being that our choices shape our lives, has become such a distant notion for many, that to return to it may feel like a very strenuous exercise; though it is an exercise that we can all ‘roll up our sleeves’ for, and make it our choice; there is the possibility of tremendous freedom and power in this. UniMed students are a bunch of people who are NOT ‘holier than thou’, but instead folks who are taking responsibility to a different, deeper level in their lives.

307 thoughts on “Our tendency to blame others and the freedom responsibility brings

  1. It is easier to blame others and to create stories around why things are as they are. What if we all stopped, allowed space to feel what was truly happening and instead look at the ‘reaction’ we are in and taking responsibility for that? Blaming others means we do not have to look at our choices and change the way we are living and not being open to change means we are not evolving.

  2. Blame caught me out for years. My hurt was fault. A reaction to life instead of responding to life. We are always given all we need to respond to life and evolve. Blaming another is not evolving.

  3. Blaming can be like an instant reaction that is there before we can blink an eye, a defence mechanism against the insight into our own actions, i.e. inaction in many cases, plus the perceived need to fend off what we imagine is coming towards us in the form of complications and problems. Only thing is, blaming doesn’t provide any answers, just more of the same.

  4. Sadly humanity as a norm tends to blame rather than take responsibility for the part they play in events due to finding comfort in this way of relating to people and systems – for it is easier when you can just point the finger and walk away without any need to look deeper or question further. So it makes complete sense that an organization that presents on the importance of responsibility is going to send those not willing or ready to do so into a misguided, finger pointing spin. Hopefully however those ready to step up in life can see and discern the truth of what is really going on and the gift that Universal Medicine offers through it’s teachings on responsibility.

  5. If we are really honest, we all blame a lot. You wouldn’t take me for a person that did not take up responsibility, but I did not, and it was very evident and I did openly blame people or circumstances. I can also see why I did that: if I would say I was responsible for all the mess, big and small, I have caused in my life and to others, I would be wrong, and that was a feeling I desperately tried to avoid. But stuffing things up is part of human nature, it is who we are, so we better admit that we make mistakes and that we are responsible for all the consequences.

  6. I totally agree with you Anonymous, taking responsibility for our choices is the only way. As you have pointed out our choices shape our lives, blame is destructive and debilitating and taking responsibility is loving for ourselves and others.

  7. I started reading this blog because my partner was reading it and laughing and I had to see for myself what was so funny. Well you didn’t disappoint Anonymous! I read this whole blog with a smile on my face. You perfectly explain why people would make vexatious complaints about an organisation and a man that operate with the utmost of integrity.

  8. This absurd scenario you brilliantly illustrate Anonymous, would be hilariously funny, if only the consequences were not so concrete and sad. It is like we consistently resist the simple fact that our quality of life all comes back to us. We get up each day and find yet another way to ‘point the finger’ instead of opening our heart. Why not give the first route a rest and make a new start? This is indeed the essence of what Universal Medicine present.

  9. Blaming and thus feeling a victim is for many many people a way of life. What kind of life is this? It is the life of victimhood and not claiming your power, and that feeling, that energy, takes the lust and ability to make something about your life as well as to change the obvious ills on this planet away.
    And if we are really really honest: almost anybody runs this pattern. Because why would humanity continue to live as it does? Why do wars, rape, human trafficking, corruption and illnesses continue? Is there not something, somebody, or people to blame as an excuse that we DON’T deal with these ills ourselves?

    1. Well said Willem….if we really let ourselves feel what we were choosing in each moment we would begin to see that every unloving move we make contributes to the many and varied ills that are proliferating at the moment.

  10. How easy it is to blame another rather than be responsible for all of our own choices and correspondingly accept that others are equally responsible for their own choices and the ripple effect that they have on ours and others lives.

  11. Yep, we are rolling up our sleeves and say let’s step up to take responsibility for what we are putting out into the world. We are living the change we want to see rather than moaning and groaning about the world we live in. That is so much better for our physical and mental health.

  12. The blame game has grown so much over the last few decades, taking irresponsibility to a greater level with not just blaming others for our misfortunes but going a step further with suing those they consider responsible. Self responsibility is empowerment that presents us with choices.

  13. Blaming others is an excuse to dismiss the fact that we know we need to take responsibility yet do not want to look more deeply into our choices and our issues as it suits us to remain as we are.

  14. It is nearly a knee jerk reaction to find a scapegoat but this reaction hides the deeper truth of what is really going on underneath it all. Your account of who blames whom for what is nearly funny if it weren’t for the dark and damp prison that lack of responsibility and blame incarcerate its adherents in.

  15. Blame can seem like an easy out. But we all know and most likely have experienced the consequences of blame – it is a fuel and keeps us in an event or situation. It does not take much scratching of the surface to feel our own responsibility. If we scratch a little we may not like the feeling of it but if we go there, that is where the true healing lies. Healing that allows us to move out of the situation and beyond.

  16. Directing blame at Universal Medicine because you do not want to accept you are where you are as a result of your own choices is an easy attack when done behind a cloak of anonymity.

  17. Wow, that’s quite a list and I have no doubt if I did the same amongst my family and friends the list would not be dissimilar. We love to blame another and point the finger because sometimes taking responsibility is a bitter pill to swallow because it means accepting that we are where we are as a result of all our own choices.

  18. Sadly it is true that blaming others for the state of our lives has become a normal and accepted way of society. Yet ironically in thinking that we are escaping responsibility, we actually never can and we are in fact instead imprisoned by lies and dishonesty which keep us from otherwise learning, growing and evolving to live in connection to our truth, love and our power.

  19. A fabulous blog on the power of our choices and the responsibility we have to live from our choices and the opportunities for learning and growth that are so abundantly available to us constantly. Thank you Anonymous.

  20. It is of course a necessary step in healing to look at the patterns in life that cause us harm. Perhaps it is in the pattern of relationships we seem to attract. The deeper healing, though, is always to realise our role in such things, to see what is within that keeps attracting us to such painful life lessons.

  21. Anonymous it sounds like a very familiar song, the blame game! So sad that we don’t realise we all have a choice and that then contributes to the outcome being one way or the other, positive or negative. So why others have chosen to blame Universal Medicine for relationship break downs or whatever it maybe comes back to the same old fact that you mention, lack of responsibility for our words and actions!

  22. This is an excellent blog that clearly illustrates the blame game and how it is completely infested with irresponsibility and does nothing but feed the vicious circle of war and peace of the world around us on every level from the home and office to country to country.

  23. This is a great blog to be re-reading today, as blaming others is just such an awful and easy thing to do, and changes nothing, even though it often feels like it. The key is to turn things around by taking responsibility for our own contribution, just imagine if we all did that?

  24. Blaming others resolves nothing but instead deepens the frustration, continues it and increases dis-harmony and conflict. Taking responsibility breaks this cycle and opens the door to resolution.

  25. Blaming gives us temporary relief from what we need to look at and examine in life – the part we play in life, our responsibility. Being open to taking responsibility is not easy and can feel terribly uncomfortable, but it is so worth it.

  26. Great blog as it clearly demonstrates the comedy/ tragedy the ‘blame game’ really is. The funniest thing is that when we do take responsibility everything changes as we are longer caught in judging, blaming and shaming. We instead are looking at every situation as an opportunity to learn and understand more about our self and others

  27. Many years ago I also played the ‘blame game’ and ended up feeling quite bitter and resentful and totally exhausted. I agree when we take responsibility for our choices in life there is a great freedom and empowerment that comes with this – it is an absolute game changer and has a flow-on effect that inspires others as well.

  28. There is a tendency to blame others for things we are uncomfortable with in our life when we are unable to accept that our choices are what got us to where we are. Being honest with ourselves and choosing to take responsibility is the first step to initiating true change in our way of living.

  29. We blame the media for printing articles full of sensationalism and lies – but we continue to buy their products. There is no escaping responsibility in truth.

  30. How very clearly this choice to blame others for almost everything reveals our aversion to responsibility. But through responsibility we have access to our power – so is it possible that our real aversion in life is to being the powerful beings we truly are?

  31. We can arrogantly stand casting blame out left and right for the state of our lives, the state of the world – everything. We can absolutely choose to do this and guess what? Nothing will change. Ditching the blame game and actually taking responsibility for every part of our lives and the quality we contribute to it is the only way to change what we have been blaming others for.

  32. I love this blog it’s so true and I think at some stage of our life we have probably all blamed someone or something outside of ourselves for our problems and stayed comfortably as a victim in the discomfort of our misery of blame. This read is a great reminder that we are all responsible for our own lives the choices we make shape the life we live.

  33. We could say for many of us responsibility is a dirty word! And if we are coming from this place then everything we look at or get a whiff of that asks us to take responsibility or they take responsibility themselves is going to be like a red rag to a bull and will come out accusing and blaming others. Realising that we are responsible for everything that happens to us is the greatest form of freedom and love we can offer ourselves and humanity.

  34. The blaming of others… yes isn’t that the easiest way out as it might seem even though it’s not an easy way at all because we always have to return to the fact that we are responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in our lives, yes everything. This is something that will take us a few hundreds of lives or years to comprehend. Nothing can actually happen without there being a predisposition for that to happen, this is energetic law, and something I’ve come to discover for myself. So the blaming of others is nothing more than a seemingly convenient delay of our own evolution.

  35. The blame game is one of the one of the most played games in the world, and many of us are masters at it. Could it be because it is so much easier to point the finger at someone else when something goes wrong, than to turn our gaze inward and look at our part in what has happened? I used to be a serial blamer, but no longer as I love the freedom and the lightness of being that comes from taking responsibility for my choices and their consequences.

  36. Blaming is the easiest cop out for not taking responsibility in life; it is total comfort as it confirms our own misery as somebody else’s fault and never allows us to see how we have played and continue to create such disharmony in our lives. It is the antidote to evolution and being more of who we truly are.

  37. There was a time in my life when I was very sure that all the misery I was experiencing was due entirely to the choices that my partner was making. Even in the finest of their movements, I could find the root cause of my pain. After we inevitably broke up, I woke up one morning to discover that the misery had not left with them, and in fact I felt exactly the same, thus proving that I am the maker of my own misery or my own joy, and I am free to take responsibility for both.

  38. Anonymous, you have revealed very clearly in your blog just how much the ‘blaming game’ is endemic in our society today. Many of us have chosen to blame rather than take responsibility for every situation we find ourselves in, but it is only by us taking responsibility in all aspects of our life do we learn, evolve and truly start to live in freedom with ourselves and all others.

  39. Great blog anonymous and loaded with valid points. The blame game is a favourite pastime in our society and shows no end of slowing down. One of the things that it does create is a great divide between one person and another; one group and another; one country and another; one political party and another and so forth. What Universal Medicine is offering is a way for people to work towards change in themselves which is then also working towards changing such a dis-harmonious way of living worldwide. Surely this is something to be championed rather than attacked!

  40. There is true freedom in self-responsibility empowering ourselves to choose a more loving and open way of being with ourselves and others.

    1. Thanks for this sharing anonymous. I love your words about self-responsibility that “there is the possibility of tremendous freedom and power in this”.

  41. “… our choices shape our lives.” Yes, Anonymous blaming is counter-productive to evolution, feels terrible in the body and hurts everyone. Owning our own choices is the most loving option.

  42. This is an awesome blog Anonymous and I had a smile as I read it – the urge to blame can be quite strong but it’s always irresponsible and there’s no learning, and, therefore, no evolvement so you tend to just stay stuck. Blaming is just a fruitless and harmful exercise.

  43. The blame culture is rampant; it is always ‘someone’ else’s fault. Serge Benhayon presents that by taking responsibility for every choice that we make there is no blame just the result of the choice or choices we have made. Neither do we have to blame ourselves for what occurs but just choose to make different choices and the first choice is to connect to our inner-heart and make choices from love.

  44. Hmmm ‘holding grudges instead of holding hands’…. Sadly this is too true on a global scale. For it easier to blame than turn the mirror on ourselves and see our role in any disharmony… and yet in the irresponsibility we choose, the harmony cannot be accessed… making us the makers of our own misery… unless of course we choose to go against the norm.

  45. “From my experience almost without exception, there is ALWAYS somebody to blame for our woes.” Very true in my experience also, unfortunately. Yet blaming someone or a situation gets us nowhere – we are left feeling completely powerless to change anything. Self-responsibility is the way to go, yet as you mention ‘a distant notion for many.’ I write this as someone who used to blame the world for the situation I found myself in. Accepting the part I play in every situation empowers me to make different choices – and I no longer feel the victim.

  46. I have discovered from an early age blaming others was pointless. It was hurting my heart and my entire body, when I experienced it it was like this heavy lead weight I was choosing to carry around which weighed me down and sucked the energy right out of me. I found it difficult to blame others for what was happening to me because I was able to feel the pain and misery that blame was causing around me and I didn’t want any part of it. I saw so clearly how destructive, harming and unloving this was. So, I chose to not weigh myself down but to keep my heart open to see and feel what was actually going on in my life. We can all feel the dead weight of blame but it is always a choice whether we choose to carry it or let it go and choose to take responsibility for our choices or not.

  47. Brilliant blog. I think everyone should read this, we have at some stage blamed someone or something for this or that. It is so interesting that blaming others is an easy way to get out of having to really take responsibility and look at our own choices. Sadly I have witnessed so many conflicts and unhappy relationships poisoned by blame. This blog is a great reminder for us to take responsibility for our own life and stop blaming and start living.

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