Our tendency to blame others and the freedom responsibility brings

by Anonymous

In my many years of life I have got to know and have met thousands of people, be they family, friends, colleagues at work and acquaintances. From my experience almost without exception, there is ALWAYS somebody to blame for our woes.

My mum is convinced that my sister-in-law is the main cause for my brother’s alcohol problems. My brother has determined that his son-in-law is the main cause for his daughter’s ‘wasted’ life and lack of opportunities… oh, and for getting her pregnant! My immediate and distant family declares that my sister’s unhappiness is because she is married to her husband. My best friend’s mother and sister are convinced that the only reason a boy turned to drugs is because one of his best friends lured him into it. My family is convinced that some of my son’s irresponsible choices are a direct result of his friendships with ‘shady’ characters. One of my best friends blames her mother for her unhappiness in living as a ‘closet homosexual’ for decades. My other friend blames her mother and father for her own ‘hardness’ and her disharmonious marriage, because her parents had never given her the affection and approval that she had always wanted; oh, and it’s her husband’s fault for the disharmony, because he is too meek and does not express. A friend’s wife, turned lesbian, blames the husband for not being gentle enough with her, so she turned to women. An old school friend blames every company she worked for (and boy, there have been many) for laying her off, due to not understanding her openness and her directness. My childhood boyfriend (now a grown man) blames his wife for not being able to live the life he wants – which is with another woman he fell in love with!

We blame our children for lack of sleep, and supermarkets for displaying chocolate bars in the most prominent (tempting) places… traffic lights for accidents; dentists for our tooth decay (not us for not attending to our teeth diligently); doctors for not diagnosing our conditions in good time (not us for not taking care of our bodies); wet pavements for our falls (not for us not watching where we are going)…

In the country where I was born and lived for many years, it is more than common for family members not to speak to each other (half of my father’s family doesn’t speak to each other for one reason or another). It is holding grudges, not holding hands, which is practised most. I know a man who did not speak to his mother-in-law for many, many years (up until very recently – he came to see her a year after she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer)… and they lived very close to one another!

And the list goes on… Without exaggeration, I could write a decent size book (War and Peace), just on these and many similar examples. The point I am making is that the media don’t have to go to family, friends or colleagues of those who are ‘unhappy’ about Universal Medicine and who chose Serge Benhayon as their scapegoat – they could have gone ANYWHERE on earth and would have found – no exceptions – that people would be blaming somebody or something else for their misery. So why Universal Medicine?

Accepting responsibility, being that our choices shape our lives, has become such a distant notion for many, that to return to it may feel like a very strenuous exercise; though it is an exercise that we can all ‘roll up our sleeves’ for, and make it our choice; there is the possibility of tremendous freedom and power in this. UniMed students are a bunch of people who are NOT ‘holier than thou’, but instead folks who are taking responsibility to a different, deeper level in their lives.

274 thoughts on “Our tendency to blame others and the freedom responsibility brings

  1. It is easier to blame others and to create stories around why things are as they are. What if we all stopped, allowed space to feel what was truly happening and instead look at the ‘reaction’ we are in and taking responsibility for that? Blaming others means we do not have to look at our choices and change the way we are living and not being open to change means we are not evolving.

  2. In blaming someone/something for our predicament, we are basically saying there’s nothing we can do about that. What I have been learning through teachings presented by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon is that putting that choice factor in is not just about saying what to choose instead of what, but it also involves looking underneath my needs – why I chose what I chose. It really is liberating going deeper into honesty and know how powerful it is to be responsible.

  3. I agree responsibility brings an enormous freedom, it allows us to claim that this is our life, that includes our mistakes and bad moments as well as the grand moments. It’s so freeing to take full responsibility for ourselves and our lives.

    1. So true Adam – the picture perfect set up that wouldn’t dare be tarnished by irresponsible and unloving choices is the one we are happy to lie to keep face.

  4. It is no coincidence that Universal Medicine is being blamed so vehemently by the media and a few as it is the one organisation that calls us into responsibility and asks us to start the change with ourselves, we simply do not like that as you say it seems so much more convenient to blame others for our woes than to take responsibility for them ourselves.

  5. Blame takes away the opportunity to learn from our choices and grow from what we know. Blame is a way of not wanting to see our choices, that we make them and that there is always a ripple effect or consequence from a choice.

  6. Yes anonymous, it appears when a group of people start to take responsibility for how they are living it rattles a lot of cages. My relationship with the word responsibility used to be a bit warped. Now I see it a something that make life simpler, and something that I am more than able to deal with. Dealing with the consequence of having a lack of responsibility is far worse.

  7. It makes a lot of sense that it is our choices that shape our lives and when we are willing to really honestly consider and accept this we empower ourselves to take responsibility and to look into why we blame others for our own circumstances instead of looking more deeply into what we are not willing to accept and appreciate within ourselves.

  8. To allay our own guilt for our own choices sometimes it is far easier to blame another for what we have not taken responsibility for ourselves. But without responsibility, there is no growth and when there is no growth we stagnate and fester in the victim mentality and pattern of blame all the more. It is such a vicious circle but one that we all need to break and arise above if we are to change anything in ourselves and the world around us.

  9. Finding a scapegoat is like a quasi instinctive reaction for many, based on a fear to be held responsible for something we well know we are responsible for, to whatever degree.

  10. Classic article and we do all love the blame merry go round and there is plenty of things to point the finger at. A big part of why my life has more understanding and why I can listen to people more and more is that whenever I find myself on this merry go round I stop and look at how my finger is pointing. What is it that I am telling someone they should do. I then turn my finger to myself, not pointed but just to ask more about what I am seeing. It’s a pause, a moment in my day to say don’t pull the blame card just see more of what you are feeling. From experience there is always something more to understand, to see and usually the person I have pointed at becomes less important and I move back into my day. We can get caught on this merry go round which is only going because we keep using it.

  11. We love to blame. I blame much more than I would like to admit but this is simply a reflection of a lack of presence and an unwillingness to take responsibility for how I am feeling in that moment.

  12. Taking responsibility in your life is not a common thing to find. Sometimes there is a giant sting when you realise the way you have been living has culminated in something you really don’t want. But there is only one way out, and it is not to blame anyone else. Deciding to get honest, and take some steps to truly support yourself will change everything.

  13. Yes accepting responsibly for our choices is a huge one and one we normally don’t want to bring an honesty to ourselves about. We find it much easier to blame someone else and to not read what is really going on for ourselves and usually others.

  14. ‘Stonking’ expression Anonymous, thank you. Occasionally I listen to talk radio and often hear the presenters ask an ‘apparent’ victim of circumstances ‘who do you blame for this?’ It doesn’t sit well with me that there is an attempt to provoke another into reaction and blame. How refreshing it would be to hear them say, ‘and what do you feel is your responsibility for this?’

  15. So much of how things are done in the world today are to avoid responsibility and to be able to point the finger of blame at someone else. Blame holds us back from truly growing as we then don’t get the benefit of the lessons that are before us.

  16. I agree there is tremendous freedom and power in taking responsibility, ‘rolling our sleeves up’ so to speak and making the conscious choice to initiate true change to the way in which we are being with ourselves. It is easy to become distracted and not want to look more closely at the way we are living that does not feel right and once we are willing to make the conscious choice to be more honest and accepting of ourselves we are able to make choices that feel more loving and truly in sync with the flow of life instead of struggling against the flow with tension and complication.

  17. When you blame others for something you say simultaneously yes to a reduced state of being. The blaming is the relief of the alibi that allows you to keep saying yes to what you have chosen. Silly games really…

  18. Taking responsibility for one’s rather than blaming others turns one’s world upside-down, or more truthfully ‘the right-way-up’.

  19. Blame takes our eyes off us and placing them onto someone else making our problem their doing, is a total lack of responsibility. If we are to heal the woes of humanity we need to start taking responsibility for our choices then and only then can true change come about.

  20. We blame others in order not to take responsibility, yet when we start to look at our choices, we see how we were responsible for certain events unfolding, and by accepting the responsibility we have the issues begin to lift.

  21. When I started taking more and more responsibility for my own life, I saw more and more how much I blamed people, and as quick as lightening some times. I remember a house I shared with a flatmate, and as soon as I could not find something, it was their fault. They had taken it. Quick as a flash. But 99.9% of the time it was me, always me, that had taken/moved something and not put it back. That simple example showed me how quick we are as a society to blame someone else when really it is always our choice, our responsibility.

    1. It’s totally revolutionary the day we catch ourselves blaming someone or something and we stop and say – wait – what was my part in this. It completely changes the way you look at life, and also your responsibility in life.

  22. Through blaming another we are not taking responsibility for the choice we have made which lead to the incident that we are blaming another for.

    1. Very true, Elizabeth. However, although it can be challenging and at times painful when we do take responsibility it s so worthwhile and empowering as it is no longer the world doing us, rather us doing the world.

  23. Initially inspired by Serge Benhayon, and now by each other, the students of Universal Medicine are increasingly taking responsibility instead of blaming others or the world and are the living proof that life is greatly enhanced by doing so.

  24. Blaming someone else has never ever made anyone content, joyful or full of love for life, blaming someone else makes us miserable and worse it leaves us completely stuck and unable to move forward. How refreshing to take responsibility for our part and like you say “roll our sleeves up” and get to work on what we need to within ourselves and begin to make whatever changes and adjustments are needed for us to more forward.

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