In a recent article in the Brisbane Courier Mail “New age ‘medicine’ of Serge Benhayon leaves trail of broken families” written by Josh Robertson and Liam Walsh, there were a couple of references about women which on first reading I thought nothing of: “… which has 2000 mainly female followers”; “After breast massage, clients are told to use Universal Medicine cream to deter bad energy, and to not allow their partners to touch them without permission”. In all honesty I can say that it did not stir anything in me, it was like I could see the words and yet nothing moved.
Yes, I can admit that on first read it was like the lines were glossed out, foggy, I could not see the ‘truth for the lies’, so to speak. I then read more of the responses from others, all women with the same strong message that this was not acceptable and a denigration of women. I felt uncomfortable, awkward and part of something much bigger and more subtle than I could imagine.
I was then able to comment on the articles because I too could feel the harm, but not truly how menacing the words were. I asked the questions as much for myself as for others to ponder.
I went back to the original article and realised – actually baulked at the inference that women were somehow stupid and docile, like sheep who followed under the orders of a man’s wish. To me this displays an arrogance where women are regarded as secondary, without respect for what they choose; that they have rights; that they are our equals.
It was then that the depth of this started to unravel. Yes I was squirming, yes I got angry, and sad, and really did not know what to do with what I was feeling.
Had I been part of this for so very long? Was I party to it? Was I in my own way responsible too for the way that a woman is viewed, treated and lived with? The resounding YES reverberated around my body and I felt stunned, shocked and deeply upset.
I recognise that there is a lot worse behaviour out there in the world, but I have to admit that I too have been held by beliefs and ideals that put a woman second. The abuse you see here demonstrated is much more subtle and more refined than we really know. I have protested, mostly silently, that the washing is not my job. I have, like many others, chosen to hide in work to escape a share in the household chores. I have gotten angry and used my voice and physical presence to dominate and show force to get what I want. I have made it all about me – ‘I am the man’, ‘I am the most important’, ‘I bring home the bacon’.
Men: what mess are we truly in?
The way that men have treated women with utter disdain and disregard has been evident over centuries. It continues in all societies – even with the more recent “equality”. For a long time women were not eligible to vote, a ‘fight’ for equality was sought, and was one that resulted in a ‘victory’. But is it possible that in such an event, the control was always ever with the men? That there was an unconscious intention to bring about a challenge by women, resulting in women further succumbing to the wills of men; that they may be brought into the male world where you get what you fight for?
How utterly miserable that we as men have allowed such degrading of women the world over and that this continues unchecked, without remorse or a STOP.
Is it possible that in order to ‘play ball’ we allow women some surface freedom, but really deeply control them by the many beliefs that we subscribe to, including the ‘fact’ that men are ‘in charge, in control’.
The home I grew up in was one of those see-saw homes. One minute the sun was shining and you were soaring high into the clouds full of joy, laughing and loving everything – the next plunged into the shadows where reality struck hard and fast and made you cry for hours: domestic violence. For those that have experienced it first hand it is a ‘living hell’. Frightening and fearful it tears at every living membrane, terrifying every moment. As children you huddle together knowing deeply what is happening… but completely powerless. My father drank and abused alcohol. The punching and screaming was deafening and yet nothing was ever done to stop this. He was the man ‘in charge’, ‘in control’, ‘the provider’, ‘the breadwinner’. Neighbours would support through the bad times, until the sun started appearing through the clouds again and things felt settled, a little calmer. And then it would happen again. And it always did.
How is it possible that a whole extended family, neighbours and friends would never intervene?
How is it possible that the law would not pull this man aside and put an end to all that was done?
How is it possible that society turned a blind eye?
“…the man knows how to run his house…as long as he didn’t hurt her too much or kill her it will sort itself out…”
When my father beat my mother it was not one man against one woman. It was in fact the ‘whole of man’ forcefully seeking control over the ‘whole of women’.
Startling statistics exist on domestic violence and yet what appears to be happening is even more dangerous… the media are denigrating women everywhere with their insufficient research and sensationalist angles. In a recent topic paper published by the Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse, titled ‘Australian Statistics on Domestic Violence’1, the following statistics were reported:
*23% of women who had ever been married or in a de-facto relationship, experienced violence by a partner at some time during the relationship.
42% of women who had been in a previous relationship reported violence by a previous partner.
Half of women, 1 in 2 experiencing violence by their current partner experienced more than one incident of violence. Injuries sustained were mainly bruises, cuts, and scratches, but also included stab or gunshot wounds, and other injuries.
12% of women who reported violence by their current partner at some stage during the relationship, said they were currently living in fear.
The above data cannot reflect the true picture of women’s experiences of domestic and family violence as it does not record other forms of abuse; emotional, social and financial etc. that often occur alongside the violence.
Denigrating women through words, as those seen in the Courier Mail article, cements certain beliefs that support physical and mental abuse against women; i.e., ‘what do they know’? It is not a big jump to domestic violence.
So what message gets passed on, and what does society allow when it says nothing – allows, then turns its ‘proverbial back’? ‘That it is fine… really, they are only women.’ It is appalling that the abuse continues at this level, and even more appalling is that it is not checked on any level. Now it seems that the media is happy to weigh in with their throwaway comments. IT IS NOT INNOCENT.
There is a line here that has been stood on for centuries, that is still being abused everywhere, even now in the western ‘more civilised’ nations it is very subtle and has far reaching effects. Is it possible that ‘the media’ no longer recognises that there is an equality of man and woman? That for all the words and hat-tipping to the ‘women’ it is just that, a show, a ruse with dire consequences that women have borne the brunt of for ages. The beliefs and ideals that have been so deftly hidden and tucked away are now spilling out for all to see and read.
What have we allowed into a world that ‘pretends’ at being equal?
Is it possible that as men we have a responsibility in everything that we do, write, say, touch, think?
Is it possible that when we are angry at the women we live with, that we are expressing anger towards all women?
Is it possible that fueling the abuse against women everywhere is that expressed anger and frustration?
I know for a fact I am not responsible for all of the abuse against women. Yet as a man I am learning that every action has a consequence. I just did not realise how big until today. It has gone unchecked for so long in our world it is time that we as men all stepped up and faced the truth that we are so far away from. Stop, take stock and start to walk back toward it.
by Lee Green, Perth, Australia
References:
- Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse Topic Paper: Australian Statistics on Domestic Violence: http://www.adfvc.unsw.edu.au/topic_papers.htm [Accessed 10 Sep 2012]
Words on Serge Benhayon 
I know this feeling it is very familiar
“As children you huddle together knowing deeply what is happening… but completely powerless.”
You know your mother is in trouble and needs help and you feel utterly helpless to do anything about it. Then everyone acts as if nothing has happened as the mother tries to gain some sort of normalness to what has happened. But everything has changed nothing feels like it will ever be the same again and nothing can be because we know that this is not the way to treat anyone, let alone someone you at one time stood in front of the alter of the church and said you would love. What an absolute lie we live. We lie to ourselves and we lie to each other and the worse thing about all this is we accept the lies.
If women have to be more like men to be considered equal then we lose out on what a woman naturally brings as she goes through life more like a man. Also, women aren’t victims because I’ve seen women put other women ‘in their place’ in line with these male-dominated constructs.
Your honesty is very repairing here Lee, as it gives voice to the truth of your experience and from there, we can find a deeper understanding of how and why we feed abuse in our lives. When we are that honest we are able to observe our hurts, belief system and inherited patterns that condition us and then, choose again, from another perspective, no longer in reaction, but in connection to who we really are and what unites us beyond our gender.
In a few days time it will be International Women’s Day 2019 with a focus on gender equality. The fact that we don’t live in equality and have any kind of abuse between the sexes shows what a mess both genders are in. Yes, gender equality is necessary but it’s more than raising wages and ensuring equal education, it can’t just be on the surface, true gender equality would take immense honesty for every individual in the world to eradicate beliefs and ideals about genders, and to return to living from our innate loving essence – something that is possible and worth doing.
“How is it possible that society turned a blind eye?” Many in society are turning a blind eye to the inequality that persists while at the same time attempting to blind everyone to the truth of the Ageless Wisdom that is presented by Serge Benhayon.
True Mary. We turn a blind eye to so many of the atrocities that go on in the world. We are okay with this blindness and apathy and apparently not okay or resistant to the truth when it is presented. What is going on in the world?
We need to get to a place in society where we see that any time we hold another down as less than a human being equal to all others and equally deserving of love, decency and respect, it is a form of violation that leads to what we call violence.
As a basic foundation we all deserve love, decency and respect; which equally means to treat ourselves with that, and only accept that from others.
I love how you place our microcosmic world into the big wider macro-cosmic picture, we may not be physically abusive at home, but do we speak up when something is wrong? Are we consistently loving? And what effect does the way we live have on the world?
Saying no to abuse in any form or place is a must, and anything less than love is abuse.
Thank you Lee, this is a deeply moving and honest article. You expose the abuse that still exists everywhere even in our so called ‘liberal’ societies, and the biggest lie told is that women are now more equal, that may appear so, but in fact what has happened is women have been asked to be a part of the world as men, to behave based on ‘standards’ created and maintained by men and now we have a situation where those same ‘standards’ are maintained by both men and women and those who cannot measure up are somehow failing. But this is not equality, this is not truly meeting women for who they are and what they bring and this incarcerates both women and men. And how is this exposed in those articles such as those referred to here, where women stepping outside the so called ‘normal standards’ and caring for themselves more deeply are denigrated and dismissed as mindless idiots. And this is the underlying understanding that all women have, we can be part of the world, we can work and be seemingly equal but always underneath all of this is the fear of that denigration, or that dismissals and we stave that off by being the good woman, the good worker, the good wife etc., but nothing in any of this is about us as women being truly accepted as we are, and we all lose out in this. For women in truth bring a quality of stillness that is needed in this world by both men and women and women by and large do not live that stillness out of fear and our own comfort. And what I feel strongly here is the responsibility we all carry to see our comforts, to understand how we all bring something deeply important and starting with the honest conversation of where we are and what we’ve allowed supports this.
The title of this article could easily be written as ‘ Women: what mess are we truly in?” As I re-read this blog, I felt the role and responsibility of women to empower themselves and not be demeaned and abused by men. As a young woman much of what happened in my relationships with men arose from within me: lack of self worth, belief and love. Without a strong sense of self makes us an easy target for anyone including men, who if not overtly abusive are themselves damaged and lost.
It starts with self, learning to love, honour, respect and cherish ourselves by building a foundation of that in our bodies means we will not accept less than that from other people.
Not only do these statistics not represent the financial, social and emotional abuse but they are not accurate because so many men and women don’t report what is truly going on in their homes. Also, so many of us don’t account abuse to be the raising of one’s voice over another or the subtle denigrating behaviours which can crush a person without a touch of a finger. There is so much in our society we are choosing to close a blind eye to that unless we begin to be truly honest and open about what is going on, nothing will change.
Being honest I have been part of this dismissive way of looking and behaving to women too, but now can see that it was not me doing that but a collective energy that I allowed to come through me and used me for its evil pursuit. With that I will not say that I am not responsible for this behaviour as I am, but that it was not from my true essence and because of not wanting to connect to this at that time I connected to that other false essence outside of me that made me to behave like I did. And until we will become aware that we can be used by energies we are not, this behaviour could go on for ages, as it are any has done and therefore seems to be so normal.
As man we dig our own graves so to say by the behaviour that is commonly held against women. As the sacredness in women is our saviour to come out of the falseness we have chosen to live but which we continue to suppressed by the dismissiveness men tend to held to women.
Until each and everyone of us expose in ourselves where we self-abuse and abuse others by even holding a thought of being less, then we will not truly deal with extreme abuse and violence such as what’s mentioned in this blog. Reading the statistics I could feel how there was no care or love in them they were simply statistics, showing that your either a statistic or you don’t fall in that category and that is what also supports us in seeing ourselves as separate. As in, that’s not happening to me instead of seeing that that is happening to all women and to all men even if it was happening to only one person.
Yes Aimee, we are so disconnected form one another that we can read the statistics as that’s not me. But that is not true as we are all connected as one, therefore all the abuse that is in the world is constantly felt by all of us. Until we will become aware of the fact that we naturally are so much more connected than we now live in our societies, the statistics will stay as loveless and empty as they are today.
Yes, even thinking of ourselves as less is a form of abuse, ‘where we self-abuse and abuse others by even holding a thought of being less, then we will not truly deal with extreme abuse and violence such as what’s mentioned in this blog.’
What happens when we witness abuse in the homes of those we know and love. What is our responsibility and how willing are we to speak up regardless of the reactions we will inevitably meet? There comes a point when no action is ‘action’: by refusing to see truth we accept and condone abuse.
By not speaking up and calling out the abuse we are in a way condoning the behaviour.
As a woman, I can honestly say that as awful as it is to be the receiver of the ‘I am the man’ imposition, it is just as horrific to feel in my body the choice to accept this as part of a supposedly loving relationship. Which means, for me, that a man will only ever do this in my presence because or if I have accepted a lesser role than him, that is, if I have chosen to be ‘only the woman’. Because the truth is, that no amount of aggression can hold up to the true and awesome love of a woman in her full power.
The expression ‘same same, but different’ is the best way I can think to express our equality: man to woman. Its not a competition, and we certainly don’t need women to out perform the men at their own game, but about understanding the true qualities of each and then allowing those qualities to play an equal part, and have equal importance in the house and in life.
Thank you for taking a moment to consider what has been taken as normal that in fact is part and parcel of the subtle denigration and denial of women. We have all been under it – this is not just men but men and women. I take my hat off to the women who have brought it to my attention, who have stood up and stood out so I can question what I have taken as normal.
I too did not clock the harm and denigration implied in the said article without being prompted by the responses and comments, and I am a woman. It is mortifying to feel how given up I have become and accepted denigration as part of being a woman – not just because of how society is, but because I have not been honouring myself as a woman.
We are very numb as to how we use language and how abusive and undermining that language is … towards women, towards minorities … even in so called civilised nations nothing has really changed for these attitudes are still prevalent and it is indeed a slippery slope for anything which denigrates another is in fact adding to the energy that allow wider and more extreme violence against those others.
Yes monicag2, the subtle simply gives space for the less subtle to exist and we blame the less subtle.
And what I am becoming more aware of or refining are the beliefs and ideals I have taken on placing the man before me, that he knows more than me, he says, so it must be true, he brings in the money and I have to look up to that etc, etc – these beliefs are all around me and are still at play, yet I have always known the untruth of these beliefs and ideals bringing much reaction and sadness in me throughout the years, not necessarily towards the man but towards the woman, myself included for allowing these behaviours to occur in our every day lives.
Yes, it is a big ‘ouch’ to acknowledge how easily and subtly the abuse of women occurs, irrespective of the overt abuse, and what is even subtler is that through that abuse men are also abused. Everyone is a loser, there are no winners.
Great blog Lee, I loved reading all that you wrote especially ‘I know for a fact I am not responsible for all of the abuse against women. Yet as a man I am learning that every action has a consequence. I just did not realise how big until today.’ A truly beautiful statement and if we brought our children up to realise that there are consequences and how to take responsibility then the world would start to change.
Why are we all not taught from day one that we are responsible for how we move and live, and that there are consequences for the choices we make.
Abuse can be very subtle and does not have to be physical, as in fists and kicks. Abuse is in our language, written and spoken and it is the means by which we perpetuate the misery we all live in, men as well as women. We might make all the right gestures, perform our duties, open doors and tip our hat but as long as the underlying sentiment has not changed, nothing has truly changed.
Thank you Lee for sharing so honestly your own feelings about domestic violence, abuse towards women by men. It is so imbedded in society especially in men that women are inferior, are less, religion has a large part to play in this respect, with the man being head of the house, so beautiful for you to feel so deeply into your own part and to come to understand the very subtle actions that don’t look like abuse but ultimately are the forerunner of abuse.
Religion is responsible for still holding women as less, and such beliefs that women have no value, are of no significance.
Beautiful honesty Lee. Domestic abuse doesn’t start when a man hits a woman, it starts long before. And even if at the point it starts and at various places along the spectrum, domestic violence may be in no way present, it is all in the same pool. Until we address the deeper layers that you have opened up and exposed, we’ll all stay in that same icky pool.
Amazing article Lee. There is so much we do not want to see and that we collude with convincing ourselves that we are somehow then better than the more extreme cases … but our collusion allows the extreme, and until we’re willing to address that the extremes will continue … the truth is anything which degrades another no matter how small is the abuse.
So very well said Monica. Because there are extremes the more subtle abuse is not seen as serious as it actually is. Even someone with holding money from their partner or not allowing them to go out with friends or telling them they look awful in an outfit is all abuse. Intentions are everything, and the more we read them and question or call them out the more the lovelessness will be exposed for what it is.
Thank you Lee for this incredibly honest blog and for your step in the direction to honour women and bring to more light the obvious and not so obvious abuse that continues.
Great to expose the control and domination that men in the world continue to try and wield over each other and over women, which ultimately is a symptom of them losing their way and being completely dominated and subjugated by the world which ‘beats’ them repeatedly from very young to be in a way that is completely contrary to their natural and tender ways. As a result men do feel lost at sea and very fearful and insecure and so seek security and control at all costs even if this means hurting others. As a society we need to take a long and detailed look at what is happening to our young boys and men and how we are all responsible for this.
Love the honesty in this blog. I would say there is a huge consciousness that says ‘we must mind our own business regardless of what is going on’ but every time we ignore abuse in any way, shape or form we say ‘Yes’ to it for it is impossible to be impartial when energy is read. Thanks Lee for sharing.
Lee what an incredible blog. So exposing and raw. Calling to account our responsibility in putting a stop to all you have shared.
This is a long overdue discussion on a new perspective of Abuse of Women and other subtle but all too often use of put downs by men on women. We must not just accept that it only happens to some women but recognise the statistics say it happens to most women some time in their lives. Thank you for being brave enough to share your truth.
More times than ever before we have statistics at our fingertips, and not only that, we have access to them, all of them 24/7 and so when then does it appear the statistics are still increasing. Some may say more awareness, that more people are reporting things now and so this inflates the numbers but who really cares when the numbers are so high. It would serve us all more if we look and I have truly looked at why the statistics are even there. As the article offered, not so long ago a lot of people actively watched domestic violence go on in their house or in their neighbour’s house and actually did nothing. In many cases they actually got involved supporting the victims but did nothing at all towards the perpetrator. Nowadays there are laws, powers and we are all more aware of what goes on with this subject and yet the numbers still increase? It doesn’t make sense when we have more laws, more awareness, more support etc than ever before and yet it’s not stopping? What are we missing? We have to be honest and say we are on the right track but we are missing a big part because it appears it’s actually getting worse. Could it be as this article says, I agree it is. The fact that we aren’t aware of the whole picture, as men, as people we need to take a true stock of how we are towards each other and ourselves. Knowing that every thought, every word, every move etc is an action that brings the next part whatever that may be. So being truly aware of all of these at any or every point would be a key to what happens next. If we turn a blind eye, even subtly, then we are allowing the numbers or statistics like this to increase. We can continue to fight the fight against things or we can look at how we are, the quality that we live and take care in every way that we aren’t adding to something that is already hitting the out of control mark.
If all men and women honoured their true essence and lived from that, gender equality would naturally develop as both genders would have a full appreciation of the other’s innate qualities including their strengths, their integrity and most of all, their potential.
Thank you Lee I am 100% with you. This runs deep in our consciousness as men. I am becoming aware how much I have allowed the objectification of women that then has the momentum of all the types of abuse. Not only do men need to be aware of their thoughts and actions ie be tender with themselves and define truth on their own sensitivity but so too do women to stop this behaviour. Say NO to abuse by saying YES to truth.
Incredibly honest and exposing blog Lee. It’s an evil that lies undetected in many until we are ready to see the truth. Not only do many men have this running within, but women who have fallen for the lie that we are less. It’s a very insidious way to keep humanity less by suppressing the power women hold within.
What we can read and be aware of is determined by how our bodies have been energetically configured. I see this all the time in the Esoteric Yoga sessions I present, where people are so comfortable with an ill configured posture or way of moving that it takes time for them to be able to feel what’s going on and come back to a more natural alignment. This configuring is what happens to men and women throughout their lives by what they accept as perhaps not ideal but normal. This shows me just how important it is to not blindly accept the norms and to question what underlies the way we behave and treat one another.
We all share a responsibility of how we treat each other whatever our gender or physical differences. Those who chose to attend presentations by Serge Benhayon and choose The Way of The Livingness as a way to live – be they man or woman – are choosing, of their own free will, an equalness with all and expose the deliberate media misinformation journalists as those who are trying to perpetuate the subjugation of women everywhere.
Everything we do contributes to everything that is. So we are either moving in a way that supports the ills of the world, by being in disregard of our connection to ourselves and others, or we are moving towards our inner knowing that we are all connected and that everything is effecting everyone.
Do we enable this all to continue, or by the way we live, do we offer an alternative?
An awesome article highlighting the responsibility men have, but equally so do women. Until both genders acknowledge their behaviors, beliefs and needs and see them as the contributor they are to the inequality between men and women little will change. But to begin change, articles like this one go a long way in giving us all the stop moment needed to consider our part in this ill, degrading behavior.
Such a stunning and deeply honest piece of writing that men everywhere should read. Very few take responsibility for their held beliefs and actions but even less to the level you have here. It is deeply inspiring to have someone stop and feel the harm of the collective misogyny along with their own and take steps towards exposing and rectifying it. Thank you.
Some great reflections here Lee thank you. Understanding how we have all contributed to this not-so-subtle denigration of women is so important if we are to dismantle it truly. Honesty for our part is the first step.
Well said Jenny – honesty and looking at the responsibility we each have as human beings to live in a way that offsets and shines light on a true way of living.
Yes, our tendency is to think it’s too big, and that we don’t have the ability to change something as pervasive as this. The truth is we absolutely do, and accepting that it actually starts with each of us individually, is part of that honesty.
Lee you raise some great points here, there are many types of abuse that men use against women, anger, frustration and many more that we don’t even acknowledge as abuse, and we all have a responsibility to call out all forms of abuse no matter how minor they appear to be.
If I still have habits of behaviours that are abusive to myself am I not contributing to the conscious and group force that feeds this denigration of woman.? I am pondering on the ‘story ‘ of creation in the Bible which states that a rib was taken from Adam to create Eve, she was not created in her own right but a lesser part of man, when that man is considered head of the house, could these untruths that are believed by many people of Christian faiths be a part of the problem we have today?
Lee, I appreciate the point you are making when you say that when a man beats a woman it is not simply one individual attacking another but rather “…the ‘whole of man’ forcefully seeking control over the ‘whole of women’.” This shows us in no uncertain terms the consciousness we are up against. When we align, no matter how subtly, to such a way of thinking we allow the full force of that consciousness to be expressed through us, be it in a physical act of violence, a condemning word or the silence of saying and doing nothing to stop this. This consciousness is a ‘group force’ that is made up of all of us not expressing who we truly are and what we truly feel and thereby allowing such abuse to just sit there and fester within us, influencing the way we move, think, eat, sleep, talk etc. The only way to truly dissolve the hold such a force has over us as a collective whole is to re-turn back and begin to live the truth we each in essence are. In this way, ‘all that we are not’ will not have the upper hand in the world in which we live and ‘who we truly are’ will be reinstated as our one and only way to be.
I was recently having a conversation with a male leader in my workplace. He shared that in board meetings the women’s opinions are not as respected as the men and that ultimately the men make all the decisions.
I could see the outplay of this and what it communicates to the whole company. Women also have a part to play in this when they don’t truly honour themselves and then play ball with this. It was interesting to observe how as a woman in this workplace- I don’t play these games and I speak up when needed. My opinion is often sought and valued and I have become the rock or sounding board for many- including the companies leaders. I have not done this by ‘fighting for my rights’ but by learning to express myself and hold myself in the workplace with the knowing of all that I bring. I am also moving from going into the workplace and living in a way that keeps me safe or is concerned with what I need but am becoming more about seeing what is going on and living in a way that sees and supports others and making this my focus.
The gender pay gap is currently trending as a topic of conversation, the patriachical society that we live in is well documented… and the flip side in feminism often seems to mimic the cold, aloof super strong image that men have been trying to put out. But this misses the point – women hold the secret to a deep inner femaleness that us men so need to reconnect to. They are the reflection which allows us to be more vulnerable, raw and real. It is the worst irony when women try to be more like men, when there is so much that we can be inspired by from a true woman.
This is powerful Lee. Thank you for expressing it. It’s amazing how so much can be hidden beneath the fog of illusion – it’s fascinating that on first read of the article you didn’t feel anything but on further looking, the truth was revealed. This shows how sneaky the energy of separation, denigration and sexism is. It does run very deep and yes men are responsible. But women are equally responsible – we have allowed this to happen. Together we have created it and together we will change it. Articles like this are an awesome first step.
Men and woman today all too often go head to head against each other and totally narrow in on each others’ weaknesses instead of appreciating the way our strengths compliment and build each of us both up. We have much to learn to live to our true potential in our every day.
Hi Lee – as I read this blog and allow the words you have expressed sink in, I realise how deeply ingrained the relationship between men and women are and the level of acceptance there is of the way it is. Your words are the first words I have openly heard calling for men to honestly take stock of the ingrained behaviours they carry around with them that are abuse of women and look down upon them. This blog is very healing to read – thank you.
Thank you Lee this is a brilliant blog with many great insights to consider. I agree men are in a mess and your ability to see through this fog and speak up about it shines a light for those that are still lost and choose to stay stuck in these abusive patterns. Yes men have contributed to the abuse of women and need to take responsibility for their actions, but I also feel women have equally contributed to the abuse by not calling the man to account when abuse first enters the relationships, often we over-ride what we feel or stay silent to ‘keep the peace’ – allowing the abuse to continue.
What an awesome call out to us all – both men and women alike – about true responsibility. We treat words like disposable goods – as if they are two a penny and have no power to really hurt or upset. How wrong can we be? When we look at it we use words to start wars by labelling people in ways that demonise and objectify them. Journalists have such huge responsibility in our world – to truly consider the impact of every piece they write – and not just think about selling copy or how much they can earn. We all have such responsibility to be examples of how to treat each other and how to speak of each other. There is no hiding place.
We have to really start appreciating what women actually bring. They bring a quality in their presence that is very needed for mankind to return to a harmonious balance. They themselves have to embrace this within themselves and not think they have to become equal by becoming everything that a man is. Often we think that equality is for everyone to have equal pay and equal rights which is true but true equality runs way deeper. True equality is when we realise that there is not a big difference between a woman and a man, in fact there is none, yes we might look different but the quality that lives within us is the same, it’s only a bit different in expression, women emanate one thing and men another but by quality we do not differ.
What a mess both Women and Men have allowed to foster and grow in our “civilised” society. We all have much to reflect upon and answer to. One of my biggest questions is how can we call ourselves “civilised and the most evolved species when a) we treat each other with little or no regard and not give this a second thought
b) we physically hurt and intimidate each other to the point we go to war, and we see this as necessary and our only option
c) we don’t see Love as an important aspect to everyday life and function, rather we see Love as an emotion that exists between a couple or family members.
d) we teach our children they have to fight for security and their security is more important than another’s and it is sometimes necessary to step on others to achieve this security.
e) we abuse our bodies daily through all we ingest, how we move, how we talk, and we see no problem with this to the point we justify it as normal.
All up we have got ourselves as a species into a real pickle and honesty is our key back to Love.
Lee thank you for writing and expressing this, until I read it I didn’t realise how much I as a woman stand aside and allow other women to be disrespected, to be denigrated and how by staying silent I am effectively abusing them. I have not really allowed myself to fully feel how abusive my home environment was growing up, how abuse comes in many forms and often it’s those forms which are not violent, which we dismiss which have an equal impact. I am beginning to see and understand more that abuse is abuse and that we allow way too much abuse in the world, in our lives and with ourselves. And how in my quest to have things be nice or look ok or ‘harmonious’ that I’ve settled for a level of less that is abusive towards me as a woman, towards men and toward all other women. As you say Lee, we’ve all been playing games and we’ve all been party to abuse for a long time and it’s only when we stop and see that we can being to fully comprehend the mess we are in. Right now I sit in the UK, and we’re in a right mess, with ugliness, abuse and racial violence being expressed more freely, bullying of MP’s by activists who disagree with them, and it’s shocking and yet I have to see and feel how I’ve allowed this to exist, in my life and in others. And that by settling for a measure of success, for a comfortable middle ground I’ve degraded all around me including me, or as you put it ‘Is it possible that in order to ‘play ball’ we allow women some surface freedom, but really deeply control them by the many beliefs that we subscribe to, including the ‘fact’ that men are ‘in charge, in control’.’ – We all do this, and we allow men and other women to do it too, we abuse each other keeping ourselves in place and yet we’re all abusing and being abused because of it. Very insightful article with much more to unravel and feel, thank you again.
Thank you Lee, this is yet another wake up call for me, because like you I have played my part in the abuse of women in the past. Physically I would not touch a woman but verbally through innuendo, with snide comments, charged words, swearing, name calling, denigrating and making them seem silly and stupid, this is the way I approached my relationships. Why? Could it be that I had such low self esteem and deep feelings of rejection that before I would feel those hurts again I would attack with what made me feel safe? The turn around in my life and is thanks to the dedication to humanity by Serge Benhayon.
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=RELATIONSHIPS
Thank you Lee, yes this blog brought feelings within me that I did not realise were still there. The media in their articles clearly exposed itself in perpetuating the belief of the subservience of women to men. Women in reaction have waved the banner of being feminists and in this strident approach have acted with the same dominating energy that they thought they were rejecting. Those who choose to listen to Serge Benhayon know that he presents the equalness of all and inspires men to know their sensitivity and tenderness and women to feel the power and strength of their fragility and preciousness.
It is deeply inspiring to read a man strip himself back to raw honesty and see the part he has played in perpetuating the misogyny or abuse that abounds. Few see that there are consequences in every action or that in even choosing silence or apathy instead, the message of allowing and condoning such behaviours or belief systems is reflected to the world. Thank you for stopping, exposing yourself and how far men have walked away from facing the truth, taken stock and chosen to walk back towards it.
This is so needed Lee, an honest appraisal of our own self as well as men and women in general. We all need to take a look at how we view violence and inequality in our communities and call it out for what it is. No more brushing it under the carpet as if we won’t see it there, pretending that we are all liberated. I can only praise the teachings of Serge Benhayon for educating us in the art of Love and equality in relationships.
Thank you for this Lee. “What have we allowed into a world that ‘pretends’ at being equal?” This affects everyone; from women not getting paid as equals – although lip service is paid to equality – and acting tough to outcompete men – to young boys not being allowed to express their tenderness and sensitivity as they grow. As you mention “Is it possible that as men we have a responsibility in everything that we do, write, say, touch, think?” This goes for women too of course.
I have never seen in any article about domestic violence the question of “why aren’t men who are violent or abusive to their families picking up the phone and seeking professional help?” After all, aren’t they responsible for their actions? Even if we can all do something about abuse, and we all should, why is it that the responsibility of the man enacting violence seems to be unspoken? Is there a social stigma that says needing help or being seen as weak is less desirable than violence against women and children? I feel that part of the package discussed here is the societal consciousness that men are not directly held accountable for their actions. I don’t disagree with the conversation that we all contribute to the environment of abuse, I’m just asking the question of why any man who has reached the level of domestic violence or abuse to his family, does not pick up the phone and book an appointment for professional support. His accountability is not less than any other contributor to abuse.
Reading your blog stirred up so much sadness in me, Lee, I started crying and couldn’t continue reading. What you write about, the scale of abuse, disdain and disregard is devastating. Not only that. Deep within there is a huge sorrow that we as women allowed it to be this way.
At the same time I feel the joy rising in my body from knowing that it is changing, if WE put the STOP to it.
Thank you.
Many men, to the best of their ability, hold women in a way that respects and honours women. The problem is these same men don’t change the status quo and voice their convictions.
The same goes for women. The reason there isn’t gender equality is because neither gender, as a whole, is willing to embody everything that that gender entails. Once a man or woman lives their essence it becomes very difficult for the other to deny their own.
Thank you Lee and Luke, I agree, it is all about our essence, inner heart or soul, which are all one and the same. This makes your statement so true neither gender, as a whole, is willing to embody everything that that gender entails, which is living in their essence! For more detail on essence go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=essence
As a woman I know I have accepted myself as less than a man unless I can beat them at their own game. This too is abuse, abuse on my tender, delicate body. Learning to connect and feel the power that is a woman’s power is something that will unite us all. Keeping a woman down will only continue the fury, the war, the violence. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for stating the truth of what we as women and men need to allow a woman to be. She is the still voice we have been wanting to hear for eons.
Thank-you Lee for your acknowledgement and speaking out about the total lack of regard for woman written by the journalist in the Courier mail article, which actually claims that it’s wrong for a woman to say no to what she feels is unacceptable. This is an insult to all woman. Abuse is abuse and is unacceptable at any level and it’s long overdue to allow it to continue.
Great that you bring to our awareness that abuse should not be accepted at any level Lee, as we can go into tolerance and allowing certain behaviours that if truly felt into, are abusive and a sign that we are accepting far less for ourselves than our true and equal worth.
Such an amazing expression of truth and live for the equality of all Lee – we are one
Lee thank you for your candid honesty here. I have been subject to the control and abuse you speak of but sadly I’m of the majority of women. So beautiful that one man has chosen to see and feel the truth in this behaviour rather than continue to defend it, as this is the first step to truly changing our ways.
Thank you Lee for you honesty in this blog. Sometimes when we have been exposed to the extreme levels a behaviour anything that is not that extreme has to be seen as better. Which at one level is true. But what you are now observing very clearly is how we can allow subtle forms of abuse to ‘escape our eyes’. We know they go on as we can feel even the slightest hint that one gender is less than another. Your blog Lee is definitely assisting me to see this at a more deeper level and to bring a greater awareness to the levels of physical violence that is ‘out there’ in the community. Your blog needs to be widely read.
I agree Jennifer that this article needs a wide audience. Lee writes “Is it possible that as men we have a responsibility in everything that we do, write, say, touch, think?” but this applies equally to women. By regaining our self-worth, self-respect and reconnecting truly to what it is like to be a woman we can speed up the much needed change between the sexes.
Lee how important that we each speak up and say that abuse at any level is not ok. It’s not always the obvious levels of family violence that you shared, which we do need to be more aware of, but those subtle levels that just seep into our beliefs without us even realising. I am still grappling with this myself as I can now see how much I myself have and do ‘tolerate’. We do each have a role to play and we do need to keep calling this out until there is not a skerik of abuse left. It is definitely everybody’s business.
This is a great article Lee, thank you for writing it, I can feel how as a woman I have allowed myself and all women to be put down and treated as second class citizens, I have not spoken up when I or other women have been treated with disrespect, it is time to change this and to claim how very powerful we as women are and that it is not acceptable to talk down to, patronise or abuse women in any way.
Very sad stats Lee – thank you for writing this eye-opening blog and raising very important questions for all to ponder on.
Reblogged this on florisvanderschot's Blog and commented:
What mess are we really in as #men. #ABUSEisABUSE
As I read this blog for the second time I am realising how much I’ve contributed by being silent. Even in the presence of friends I didn’t say a word when there was some kind of abuse and / or control. Since letting the belief go that I’m ‘better’ (whatever that means) than a woman, there’s lots of little things coming up, uncomfortable little things to look at. Too much, too many times there’s been domination and control. And what I’m coming across is that I do this (need this) because for a long time I haven’t expressed how things / life / choices truly feel for me. So when it comes to a moment where I disagree, there’s no way I can just share that ‘normally’. It is beautiful to grow into a far more equal relationship where I actually feel that women deeply appreciate the equality. That they’re not as competion focussed as we men often choose. The fact that this is strange for me says everything about the fact that my life has been a lot of the times only about me. Thank God that I’ve got the self love now to slowly heal this and let it go.
So true, Doug. This constant fight for control that we fight against each other out of our own insecurity and our refusal to lead a responsible life is just absurd.
Changing this starts with changing our own lives, becomng fully honest with what we are up to and from there take our responsibility and make choices that are loving of ourselves.
Then a life that is loving and caring instead of attempting to control will naturally unfold itself.
So true Michael. True change in our life can only come when we take an honest look at ourselves and how we are living. I have learned that when I take responsibility for my life and feel the choices I have made and consciously choose love my relationships naturally become more loving. When our foundation is build on love, what else but love can unfold?
Knowing you Lee, I can’t imagine you being abusive to women in any way. The fact that you didn’t feel anything about the way women were portrayed in this article, shows how embedded these beliefs are. It was awesome to share in your reflections as you worked through the impositions you have experienced in your life as a man.
Lee, your brilliant blog has brought me to another point. We feel at times helpless to change the pervasive extent of this kind of gender based abuse, and may even feel it is too powerful to take on. But what if there was something much more powerful than an abusive man, and that is the man committed to love as you have, committed to living the true essence of what men truly are? I feel this is much more powerful, inspiring and reminding men and boys of how far they have stepped away from who they are, and how simple the steps are back to themselves. At the moment the news is littered with abusive men, and men abusing their power, but we need men like you in the limelight Lee. Men have lost sight of their true nature and they need powerful role models to bring them back.
I agree Melinda Knights, men need true role models to step out and be the way showers for them so they too can walk in their true light as the amazingly tender and loving beings that they are. It’s awesome that you speak up in this way Lee, and bring light to a very old way of being that is not love for women, themselves, or humanity.
Here here Melinda. When we see men such as Lee in the news as the ‘norm’ then the ‘norm’ as we see it will have shifted.
Lee thank you for actually stating so clearly what you did wrong. For women this never happens, there is such a dishonesty in abuse and the blame that happens is there so that the woman is again subjugated to feeling responsible. For abuse against women to change men need to change. It’s brilliant to read of a man willing and humble enough to see the game society plays and that he has joined this but can now see the inequality and say “No”. When a man makes a commitment to love and to rid himself of the abuse against women in all its subtleties I feel the deep nurturing that’s experienced from feeling safe and also nurtured by the true beauty and essence of a true man in expression in life.
Melinda I also feel there is a responsibility as well for us as women and for me it stems from my own lack of self-worth and the behaviour that I have allowed too. When men do not feel held in the exquisite beauty that is a woman, where do they go to? Very true there is a high level of violence and abuse against women which absolutely needs to be addressed. But the responsibility belongs to all equally in how it each plays out for us in our own lives and bringing a more harmonious way to that. I agree there is nothing like feeling the beauty of a man in true expression, this is only equalled by that of a woman’s.
I totally agree Jennifer and there have been many instances in my life where I have accepted abuse as my ‘normal’ through a huge lack of self-worth and self-loathing. Healing my hurts as they arise in me is revealing how deeply sacred I am as a woman and now i’m calling the abuse that may come as I see it and feel it.
Lee- thank you a thousand times over. I had not realised how much I needed to hear a man express these things until I read your article. I had not realised how much hurt I was carrying around this matter of “false equality” until your article. So again, thank you for this huge contribution to truly redressing the imbalance that exists between men and women in this world, and for me personally also.
I second everything that you have written coleen24. As I read this amazing piece I could feel so many emotions rising from the depths of me; feelings of powerlessness, of inequality, of feeling second best and many more I didn’t realise I was still holding on to. And like you the appreciation I have for what Lee has shared and has exposed is immense.
I could not agree more Coleen and Ingrid. I can also feel a great sadness for allowing and accepting a whole range of behaviours. If we as women do not speak up and express these how are men to understand the preciousness of a woman and therefore their own tenderness expressing as a man. This blog is huge. A must read, in fact it should be front page news reading.
Thanks Lee, it is true that we as men, myself included, we can read something like that Courier Mail article and not feel the depth of the injustices faced by women. Still today in certain countries, women are openly treated like second rate citizens and here we think we are so much more civilised about it, maybe the truth is that those countries are more honest than us. We do not relate the more subtle forms of abuse that are most common, as you write, they don’t make the statistics. As I write, I can feel that my respect of women can deepen in understanding and though it has changed a lot, there is more to go.
These statistics are staggering. There are subtle games of manipulation, the psychological tug of war and just plain old violence. It is a mess and the way men and women relate to each other desperately needs cleaning up.
This is a very powerful article Lee and one that needed to be written, It really made me look at ways in which I may still hold views that are not entirely equal, as it is up to every single one of us to bring about true equality between the sexes.
The media seems to have become more sophisticated in the way it puts down women or is it that we have numbed ourselves so much, ignoring the fact that not much has changed. Even if we are now able to vote, your realisations about what the Courier Mail was saying about women (all women) was spot on Lee!
It is really needed to be said what you have written here Lee Green and I want to thank you for that. The inequality between men and women is so deep ingrained in our society and not in truth and honestly reviewed for what it truly is. When we, both men and women, do not stop and say that this is not the way we have relationships with each other, this atrocity will continue and will reach new and never experienced behaviours and ways of expression as a result of it. We have to become aware that women and men in essence are the same and that each of the genders brings a unique expression to the world, a male and female expression, that both needs to be expressed as this equal expression of both genders is that much needed in our male dominated society where the male energy is expressed in excess because of the missing female expression that is needed to balance this.
Is it possible that the suppression of the female expression in both genders is at the root of why there is so much inequality, as well as violence towards women, given that we are the physical representation of that? Who / what would benefit from us being in constantly in the male energy of motion? Why would we continue to choose this, knowing how unbalanced it makes us all?
This is a stopping moment because what I feel when I read this is how much women allow themselves to be treated in an abusive and lesser way simply because they have no sense of or claiming of themselves as an equal to anyone. Most are so caught up with their looks, their performance in roles that are played etc. that having any value for our true worth is lost. I know this was me and because of this lack of self worth was willing to put up with any behaviours as this confirms the feeling of ‘not feeling good enough’ that was always playing. Thank you Lee, your honesty is appreciated as it opens up and starts to allow men and women to reflect on their contribution to allowing these behaviours and brings further understanding and realisations that there are subtle ways to keep the woman feeling lesser, though for many this is how I feel anyway.
Yes Lee l’ve still felt the inequality as well even though it’s touted out there that women now have more equality than ever before.
What’s more incredible and just as surprising is that women have also contributed their fair share of the abuse against women as well. How have we too contributed? One example is women who have had to harden themselves to climb the corporate ladder to get recognized as equal to the esteemed men in their fields. They have had to forsake their femaleness to become like a male in an extreme effort to be seen, heard and gain equal standing with men in their jobs. Women need to ask themselves the same question.
It’s like if we can very obviously see the abuse occurring in situations such as domestic violence, but at the same time accept the very same behaviour of abusing women by not saying anything when it comes out in words, tones, actions or comments as you’ve mentioned Lee. Chop the flower head off and you still have the root, it’ll just grow back.
Very true Leigh. We have a long way to go in terms of saying No to abuse. The extremity of abuse is still being accepted daily in probably every suburb on earth. And this does not even begin to touch upon the more subtle versions of abuse that have become an accepted way of relating.
It is powerful to read this quote “What have we allowed into a world that ‘pretends’ at being equal?” Do we collude and ‘pretend’ that much of the world lives in equality when it is so far from the truth. I know I do not, and I live in a country that offers many freedoms and safety for women and yet there is still violence, sexual exploitation and general derision concerning a ‘woman’s’ place in society. I feel it is important for women to be aware of this as an issue and take responsibility for their part in the dynamic. I know I had my eyes and ears closed to what was truly going on for some time. We have power, we have something to say and we have something very precious to share when we connect with our true essence.
I agree, Samantha. I have observed that, in the face of external / worldly dominance by men, we women then resort to emotional and mental dominance over men as our ‘falsely equalising’ strategy. This is completely false as it perpetuates the very system of inequality and imbalance we say we want to be resolved. What I see in this is that, if there is ANY inequality in a system, it will eventually fall, because that seed is already there and will grow and flourish one day. Our equality has to be absolute for it be truly sustainable.
Something you said rang true, what if the men know that the women are the powerful ones and have made sure that they have been kept down so as to not expose where they are truly at?
Lee, thank you. I could finally feel in your article how much there is an inadequacy in human behaviour, a deeply seeded inadequacy that is constantly being seen, felt and experienced by men and women everywhere.. There is something else at play with all of these statistics and we as a community are not doing enough to stop the behaviours. I myself, feel I am not doing enough to stop the behaviours. I used to be in a domestic violence relationship and it was tough to know how and when the snapping was going to occur. It rocks and startles every part of your essence and I still feel the consequences being years out of the relationship. Could all of our fear be stopping us from speaking up, acting up and rising up against the violence against the oposite gender. I know some men that are experiencing abuse in their relationship as well and are struggling to know what to do.
Thank you Lee for such an honest enquiry. Abuse in whatever form is not ever ok. It is up to every one of us to honour and appreciate ourselves and each other for the love of all.
Lee I could read this blog over and over it is so powerful and insightful. Your willingness to go deeper and ask the questions most don’t want to ask, me included, is inspiring beyond words. Your insights and comments shed great light on the subtleties of what is at play in this awful inequity between men and women as a whole. While there is still one woman in the world suffering abuse of some sort at the hands of a man, we need to be standing up and calling out what is not right and true. Thanks for such an inspiring read… I will be revisiting it again regularly to keep me awake to what’s really happening and the need to speak out.
Lee what you present in your article has truly made me stop and feel the true level that women are daily denigrated in this way. To see the statistics you have presented as so high and to know that they are that way because we within society have not spoken out and said enough is enough. Violence towards anyone should never be tolerated, accepted or normalised, it is up to us all to call this out and it is these statistics and stories that should be making front page news. Thank you for awakening us all to this fact.
Wow Lee – your article is extraordinarily powerful and with such a deep honesty you expose so many aspects of abuse that affects each and every one of us in some way. This is exactly what should be published in the media.
Australia is considered the lucky country with women free to do what they want and yet women are starting to speak up about subtle and not so subtle levels of discrimination and abuse and how we have suffered and are suffering as a consequence. There are many countries where women live in even worse conditions – so how bad is it going to have to get before we ALL do something.
The fog you describe is a fog laying on society. Not only men are living in it, also women who have conformed to this way of life. The cycle of violence and abuse against women is responsibility of men and women in their respective roles they are playing in it. We have been living far too long in the blaming of violent men (and don’t get me wrong the crimes committed on physical, emotional, psychological and socio-economic level towards women need to be treated as such) and it is time to look at the role women are playing in this game, as this is what it is a game of avoiding evolution. As long as women are playing their role in the “patriarchal bargain” and going for comfort in their identification of the multiple roles, but specifically as mothers and wives we will not be able to cut the abuse, as abuse is accepted as part of this deal.
This is so important. I did not know that it was 1 on 2 woman that are being abused by their partner that is shocking! Hello, I mean what else are we waiting for – that it becomes every single woman? I think that this has come way to far already, and I can feel my own responsibility in that. What else I can feel is that by putting the blankets over me and hide away from the truth, was in fact a contribution to all the abuse that is still occurring. Like you said Lee, it is since recently that I have become aware again of my full power and responsibility – and so is it now to set things straight. I no longer allow domestic violence to be in my life – and if it comes close to me or I see it happening, I will make sure that from every lived cell in my body – I will speak up and act out. This is ending now.
I know this is not easy to understand by everybody and the reason being that not everybody has experienced anything like. So, there are no points of reference. When you get a healing session, it is a bit like going into a bathtub of delicious bubbles and water at the perfect temperature surrounding and cuddling you. A session leaves you in a state of delicious delicateness (equally for men and women if we surrender to ourselves) and clear sensitivity. In such a state, there are things you may not want to do or experience. So, we can make it about oneself and cry out loud (and talk to everybody who wants to listen what a crime has just happened) or we can appreciate what the other have gotten and simply enjoy what comes with it. As with everything else, it is a matter of choice and the choice is only ours.
” … the inference that women were somehow stupid and docile, … ”
Lee your honesty is truly appreciated and acknowledged, this is a superb blog for supporting other men to ‘crack’ the beliefs they may carry about women.
I can feel the truth in what you have written here Lee. Abuse against one woman is a microcosm of a culture of abuse and inferiority between men and women that we all have been contributing to for ages. Everyone would like to be treated equally as they deserve. This divisive culture has no future, we must do what we can to arrest it.
Good point Bernhard – it is a divisive act to hold someone down. We do it to have the upper hand but what does it really bring us? Hardness. Separation. Loneliness. Sadness.
We are equal beings. Time to honer that. And I agree: “This divisive culture has no future, we must do what we can to arrest it.”
Bernard, harmony and equality feels so great but we have obviously lived as a society for a long time without those things because if we remembered we would never accept less. It’s really now up to those who live that to take it out there and speak up wherever inequality and abuse festers.
I have just read a report in a women’s online magazine: 52 women have been killed in Australia this year as a direct result of domestic violence.
This is the grossest end of the spectrum of the inequity between men and women. At the milder end there is the contempt demonstrated by the press towards women who are students of Universal Medicine.
We cannot ignore any part of this spectrum, for it is the milder end that feeds the extreme.
There is a lot of work to be done to get anything representing real balance between the sexes.
Such an confronting piece of writing and I can so relate to the fear and helplesness you experienced as a child when exposed to domestic violence, thanks Lee
Yes Joe I agree, it is very confronting for all sorts of reasons… it made me realise how little responsibility I take for calling out such things when they are under my nose. That silence is just as much a contributor as the one wielding the abusive act or word I am discovering.
It is so awesome that you can feel the insidiousness of misogyny that is absolutely still rife in our culture. In fact, I went to my daughter’s school production two nights ago and I was shocked to not only hear very sexist lines throughout their performance…but, even more so that the audience applauds and laughs at these lines (even the women who are being made less by them!)
Lee what you have shared is very powerful and very honest. I realised as I was reading that there has been behaviour that I have allowed or given in to as a woman that would perpetuate these actions or beliefs. I have hung onto these thinking that they will go away, but this is not true. They stay with us – until we choose to heal our part in them. Through your article I can feel the equal responsibility we each have in standing for what is not true and that which does not create harmony in how we live. The articles in the newspapers do nothing to support or help grown our community and continue to denigrate women everywhere – all for the sake of a buck. What is the purpose of that then?
Like you Jennifer I have learned to turn a blind eye towards the subtle denigration, hoping it would somehow disappear or that the man would recognise what he was doing and stop it. Never worked of course.
What a problem we have when subtle put downs and humiliations are written off as not serious. Yes they do not cause a bruise, a broken bone or a death, but they erode the being of the person who is receiving this treatment – a form of bruise/break or death of true expression and fullness of the woman in life.
Lee, your article has left me feeling so much and the one thing that stood out especially is how amazing an opportunity it is to have men and women in this world, to learn and evolve each other.
It is absolutely not okay for women to accept any kind of abuse from men, not even the subtlest degrading remark or intention behind a similar action. And it is also the responsibility for us as women, to start consistently, firmly and lovingly expressing that. It has also been too long that we have accepted abuse by not living in our power.
Thank you Lee, the awareness that you have as a man, has opened up the awareness for all men, and women also, to be one step closer to being their true and full selves.
Thank you Lee for this expose. There is a long way to go before the world sees true equality. But perhaps this could be speeded up if women wondered if perhaps they have a part of responsibility in this state of affairs. Could our lack of self-worth contribute to the ongoing abuse towards women?
This is a powerful article Lee. The question that really strikes a chord with me is “What have we allowed into a world that ‘pretends’ at being equal?” Women, men and journalists and the media have a responsibility to do as you have done and take an honest look at the harm that is caused by not honouring each other as equal.
Reading this blog has uncovered the degree to which I hold back from going deeply into the extent in which women are undermined, only verbally acknowledged or valued but not truly felt as equal. It is hard to look at the truth that Society still sees and treats women as not equal. The time has come to start to see, deeply feel and live all that I am, as a women who is equal to all others. Time to hold this and meet anything presented that is less – ‘Head On’ or maybe that is ‘Heart on’. Thank you Lee for this amazingly clear and honest truth and the deep awareness it brings.
As many others have commented, you have really exposed just how desensitised we as a race are. As a woman myself, I often don’t even notice the throw away comments that denigrate women simply because they have always been around, the jokes have always been made, and whilst I don’t laugh along with it’s because I find the jokes boring and old fashioned, but I rarely think about the reason why these jokes are still in circulation. Both men and women are accountable for the state of society and our attitudes towards our opposing sex. It’s definitely time to stand up and have the conversation.
It so is time to stand up and have these conversations Elodie. Lee’s totally inspiring , moving and powerful blog has highlighted to me my role in allowing this inequality and denigration of women to go unchecked in our societies. As Lee has so beautifully pointed out many men have become numb to the entrenched inequality and subtle and obvious abuse from men to women. Its so entrenched that women – including myself have been numb to it too. Change comes from us all standing up to these so called harmless throw away comments in media – that subtly denigrate women – reinforcing men’s domination. What I have observed and experienced is that in true relationships it is the steady stillness and tenderness of the woman that supports the man to be all he is and honest men are the first to appreciate this to be true. We are all missing out if we let even the most subtle inequalities go on without a stop and a check.
Can totally relate Elodie to “often not noticing those throw away comments that denigrate women.” Or over-riding them with a ‘resigned acceptance’ that I can’t change them. I agree, “It’s definitely time to stand up and have the conversation.”
And those ‘throw away’ comments are in a way the most insidious because they are so much a part of normal social intercourse, often seemingly harmless and a ‘bit of fun’ and thus slip under the radar as they reduce the interaction possible between two people, and leave both the lesser.
Lee you have exposed how the seemingly harmless ‘throw away lines’ that pervade society and are promoted in the media are symptomatic of a deeply entrenched culture. With domestic violence in Australia alone now in epidemic proportions we can see how normal this harm has become. We all have to take responsibility for allowing this to happen, as we can change this status quo through our own choices – and as a woman, I feel honouring and respecting myself is the first step.
Thank you, Lee. Your words expose another side of the coin that women can be so used to being conditioned in that secondary position and sometimes do not even realize the abuse they is being inflicted upon them. Men and women, we all have responsibility here.
Lee that’s an absolute corker of an article and you know what I got to feel and that is my part as a woman in sustaining the inequality by playing for years the role of an unequal woman. We as women also have to recognize our part in all of this. You may have expected your partner to do the household chores but I expected mine to mow the garden and have the final say !
This is a powerful article Lee, true service being delivered here to all men and women. As I read this article again for the second time, I realised how accustomed, perhaps the most apt way to describe it is how numb I have become, to the many subtle inferences that are made towards women, in passing comments, a glance, in how women and men speak to each other. To let myself really feel how much we have truly steeped away from a deep respect and honouring of each other and indeed ourselves is enormous. And this is the point — because it is so enormous, we don’t really let ourselves feel this. We’ve numbed it out for lifetimes and allow it to subtly eat at us in all our interactions affecting us and our relationships in such a detrimental way because we simply cannot treat ourselves or others in absolute love when this is in the way.
This is a huge and pertinent topic because this awareness is so deeply needed. Thank you Lee for speaking up and taking those all-important steps back to the truth that we as a humanity have collectively walked away from.
Yes, these attitudes do keep us from true love, Katerina. It’s a huge wedge we have driven between the genders to maintain and fuel this separation from each other. What I find incredible also is that, if one holds reincarnation as a truth, then men have been women in the past and vice versa.Taking into account Karmic Law, which goes with reincarnation for most people, by abusing women, you are setting yourself up to perpetuate this cycle across multiple lifetimes….for an awfully long time. So, factoring in the truth of reincarnation, no one in their right mind would ever act in this abusive way….just in terms of logic alone!
Thank you Lee for expressing with such depth and clarity. As a woman, I love that you have allowed yourself to feel just where these kinds of comments like the one in the Courier Mail originate from and that they are much more sinister than they may seem, as they are just a symptom of how many men view women, in fact sadly it’s the way many women view themselves. So I agree – Men : What mess are we truly in? But would add – Women : What mess are we truly in, when we have allowed it? From the ‘so called’ little derogatory passing comment towards a woman, to the way women are depicted in the media, to a woman being beaten up, how is it that we allowed this behaviour, so much so that it becomes normal? So it’s time to stop settling. We have a long way to go, but it’s writing like yours that will bring us out of this. Thank you.
Like you I am unravelling the conscious and unconscious ideals and beliefs around men and women, the resulting behaviours and consequences, that can easily be taken for granted and normal but have their roots in inequality. Although the fact of 2 genders can not be denied or ignored it is not necessary to base who we are on being a man or a woman before we see ourselves and everyone else first and foremost as an equal human being. That would be a simple base from where the specific characteristics that come with gender could be appreciated. But definitely first we need to become aware of the conditioning that is strangling us.
Absolutely Alex. Without taking honest stock of what conditioning we have succumbed to, we cannot truly come together as men and women in the equallness that we actually are.
Such a powerful blog with statistics to boot. Through personal experience, whilst staying at someone’s house as a child, I too witnessed what felt to me like one of the most heinous crimes a man can commit. A tall and powerfully built man, toying and bullying his wife like a cat does a mouse. I’ll never forget the expression on the kid’s faces whom I hid under their beds not knowing who was next.
I’m not sure what to say, nor do I have any enlightenment on the subject that seems so far away in those distant memories, or in the newspaper or magazine article my eyes pass over once in a while. What I do say to Lee, is: case well stated and I too feel the responsibility and opportunity in each interaction and action, with my most precious brothers: women everywhere.
Wow, Lee. What an amazing hugely deep awareness you have brought to the fore. I felt, on reading your blog, that I am very happy for you to stand up for women with your realisations of truth about how shamefully they have been treated, now and over many, many centuries.
Thank you for these powerful words Lee. When I read your article I can feel how sad it is for all of us that we have fallen for the lie that women and men are not equal. Women have been complicit in this as much as men have. We are also equal in our responsibility to see through this lie and treat everyone we encounter with equal love and respect, starting with ourselves first.
There is so much here Lee as you have highlighted the very subtle and refined levels of abuse that exists in society. When we don’t stand up to this abuse what we are in effect saying is that it is ok, we agree with it, we even back it. Being complicit through inaction is just as harmful as the abuse itself.
The subtle abuse we see in society of gender based inequality is the breeding group for domestic violence. It’s all linked but we see some aspects of the inequality as less harmful but it’s all connected. If the subtleties are the foundation for the extremes then we need to weed it all out and see it all as abuse, not minor or major – just simply abuse and unacceptable.
Thank you Lee, this blog is so powerful and exposes the truth of how it has been for so long. I remember that not long ago the police policy was to refuse to intervene in an abusive situation in the home as it was considered a “domestic” situation and everyone was meant to turn a blind eye. This blog needs to be printed in the newspaper as a wake up call to all men and women that we can move on from here by taking responsibility, and as you say “step up and face the truth that we are so far away from”.
Yes it is amazing Irene, that we have silently condoned abuse by ‘turning a blind eye’ and that this was and possibly still is in places, the police viewpoint. As said elsewhere here we are numbed by the many and subtle abuses we can allow every day in our working and intimate relationships. The male sense of superiority over women runs in the hidden recesses of many, ‘non-abusive’ and ‘normal’ men, because it is fostered by our cultural norms, our upbringings and the way we women go along with it and do not claim our power and refuse to compromise. It is there because we have allowed it.
A very powerful and honest demonstration that true equality between men and women has not been achieved yet and that it goes far beyond any legislative measures but needs to happen in the heart and mind of every man and woman, of every girl and boy on earth.
Well said Gabriele, it is not only for policy but to truly come from our hearts and minds. Children know it innately, where & why do we lose it?
So very true Gabriele. True equality will need to come from us all.
Thank you Lee for your honest insight into how turning a blind eye or saying nothing really means we are complicit to the abuse continuing, whether we are a neighbour or a community member.
“The abuse you see here demonstrated is much more subtle and more refined than we really know… The beliefs and ideals that have been so deftly hidden and tucked away are now spilling out for all to see and read.”
Lee you have exposed here the pervasive, subtle and hidden nature of the beliefs and ideals men hold about women. It is easy for most of us to see the obvious abuse such as domestic violence, but we are far less aware of how abuse of women exists almost everywhere, even in the seemingly flippant words in a newspaper article. It is the responsibility of all to call out this insidious abuse of women and restore harmony between men and women.
Absolutely, Michelle, these attitudes cloak themselves in ‘jokes,’ subtle phrases, body language, the mask of normality: these things all lay the foundation for the more intense forms of abuse that eventually follow the allegedly ‘harmless’ variety: it all counts and none of it is acceptable if genuine equality is what we truly aspire to.
Lee your blog and the truth you have written is so needed in the wider community also. I have never experienced full blown abuse but like many women over the years, in more subtle ways and especially the inequality in work places. A big thank you to yourself and also to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for lifting the lid on abuse and the Media.
Lee thank you on behalf of all women for allowing yourself to feel the truth of the abuse of women. I have been that woman but can now also see how I felt about myself allowed the abuse. As I have reclaimed my true sense of self-worth I have been able to say no to all aspects of abuse that impacted me as a woman.
Sharon what you write is inspiring. I feel I’ve begun my journey back from no longer accepting abuse in any shape or form. Being honest about what constitutes abuse has been difficult because often it flies against what is often regarded as perfectly normal in ‘healthy’ relationships.
The statistics on Domestic Violence are harrowing enough without the added subtleties (or not so subtle) of consentual abuse which is okayed as normal by the media.
Yes Lee,
The inequality seems to pervade it all.
And men in their chosen position of “dominance” and “superiority” are not true men at all, and it’s a sad fact that they don’t see this.
And it’s not for women to join men in their hardened ways to be their equal, but for women to hold true to the beauty of who they are, so that men may see their harsh and hardened ways, thus blessing them with the opportunity to make the clear choice to return to their true gentle and loving selves.
Joining women in true equality.
Great summary of an amazing contribution about how pervasive the denigration of women still is, as demonstrated by the Courier Mail article about ‘”followers” of Serge Benhayon – very insulting, lacking any trace of integrity and on top of it, utterly false and misconstrued to serve a not so hidden agenda of ridicule and belittlement.
Yes Gabriele, the Courier Mail article gave me the impression of a real boys club in their bullying attitudes to Universal Medicine and their denigration of women.
Hi Lee, what an awesome article! Thank you for speaking up against how women are being portrayed everywhere – and it’s seen as normal…What mess are we truly in – women and men – to have allowed it to get to this? How can a so called ‘reputable’ paper print that over 2000, mostly women, are ‘followers’ of Serge Benhayon; so does that mean women are not people? Therefore it doesn’t mean anything? A number of 2000 is quite a big group of people – never mind what gender. It’s beside the point that there is many many hundreds of men who also love what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present – the truth is that a huge number of people – and steadily growing – are ready to stand up for a return to a true and loving way of relating and connecting between people of all sexes, races, ages, nationalities, occupations, education levels and denominations.
Lee what you have shared so truthfully is very powerful and challenges how many have accepted that what happens in others homes is only that individual homes business when it is not. You also beautifully highlighted that the irresponsibility and derogatory tone with which the Brisbane Courier Mail expressed about women only further serves to feed the pattern of abuse of not only women but all. Abuse of anyone affects us all. By society accepting abuse as something that just happens to other people in other peoples households, this allows these patterns to continue for future generations. Acceptance of abuse as something that just happens normalises it, and normalising abuse actually makes it more acceptable. We should not be giving up like this as it will only feed the vicious circle of helplessness and abuse. Until we all unite and say abuse of any kind is not acceptable, hold all to account for all that they do, and become aware that we are responsible for our own lives and what happens in it, this will not change.
What strikes me in your sharing Lee is how misogyny is something we all contribute to, men and women alike. I know a lot of denigrating comments go over my head and I just ignore them. It feels so good to read this blog and the comments and hear men and women alike to call it out for what it is.
Thank you Lee, there are some great points you address here and even as a woman some of them I hadn’t considered deeply enough. What occurred to me is that, just because things have happened in a certain way for centuries does not mean they are correct and it is blogs like this that get us thinking about the control and mis-treatment of each other – both men and women.
The misogyny demonstrated by Josh Robertson in his Courier Mail article is of the most difficult kind: it is slippery and elusive. The words are seemingly so innocent; one can almost imagine the journalist asking “what did I say?” in wonderment that offence could be taken.
But there can be no doubt that those statements and the entire article in which they were found were nothing more than a denigration of the intelligence, awareness and sensitivity of women.
The “wink wink, nudge nudge” allusions to breast massage, and the derisory reference to “bad energy” (what is that now Mr Robertson) was in fact a take down of two in one: the modality and the women who receive it.
And Roberton’s incredulity at idea that women ought to have say in how they are touched? My goodness how forward thinking!
That this journalist could imply that a women’s proprietorship of her own body is a problem, shows that he ought to be living in his own private Dark Age with a big club and copy of 50 Shades of Grey for company.
But alas he is not. He is one of far too many.
Your honesty in this blog is to be celebrated Lee – you have called out the subtle misogyny that held you bound and in doing so you lead the way for other men. As women, we too are inspired to look at these subtle twists and turns in our thinking that leave others less, as we image our selves the liberated champions of an equalness we are not yet living.
It is this ‘slippery elusive’ misogyny that you so aptly refer to here Rachel, that is all too rarely called to account for exactly what it is and does to our societies. It is the message in and between the lines that is delivered with calculated effect the world over and is the breeding ground for all denigration and abuse of women. Sitting silently in our arm chairs saying that’s not too bad, there was nothing that direct, no one got hit, or similar is the non vocal majority that believe there is no message being sent through inaction and ‘turning a blind eye’. I have come to realise that not saying no to abuse no matter how supposedly intangible, is the same entirely as saying yes to abuse. This does not have to be the kind of ‘no’ that paints placards and marches, but the kind of true care and courage of people like Lee to feel where we have been a part of or allowed the so called subtle breeding grounds to go permissively unchecked. Saying no within ourselves to such rot is more powerful and game changing than many of us imagine. Bravo Lee and Rachel.
Wow, Lee. What an honest article, so much for all men & women to consider. If we don’t take responsibility & stand up, as you have, & say ‘this is not okay!’, we are complicit, full stop.
Lee, there is so much to ponder on in what you have written about the true state of affairs. You have clearly put the responsibility for the lack of genuine equality between men and women back onto each and everyone of us because we have allowed things to go unchecked for too long, right across the continuum of our lives. As you point out – there are many insidious yet subtle ways violence can be perpetrated and it is all around us. I am reminded that I too have a part to play by working towards reclaiming my womanhood and then using my strengths to complement what men offer, rather than being complicit in silently condoning violence and inequality.
Lee, I could really feel your honesty and the revelation of truth as you exposed the inequalities between men and women that still exist. Thank you for sharing your story.
It’s a great question “men what mess are we truly in” and one we should ALL stop to consider, not only men but every human being. I feel much of what you are saying about taking greater responsibility for our actions, words and thoughts.
On behalf of women Lee, thank you.
Thank you Lee for a very honest article. I feel that men need to take responsibility for the ongoing denigration of women and for the high level of domestic violence that occurs in society today. Male members of the esoteric family also have a responsibility to step up and reflect to other men the joy and harmony that they can achieve within themselves and in their relationships with women, if they truly claim who they are as a man
Thank you Lee, I do very much agree we have for too long allowed the denigration of women to just happen. For so long in fact, that we have grown accustomed to it and do not even see it anymore when it is right under our nose. Thank you for making us aware that there is no real equality between men and women and that it is time for all of us to take our first steps towards true equality by allowing us to see what is going on and then to be able to call it out and make different choices.
Thanks Lee, I love what you have shared. You are really exposing some of the more subtle ways of discriminating, by both men and women. How many women think that the washing up is their job and that it’s nice when the man helps? Or believe that because the man is “bringing home the bacon”, that the house is the sole responsibility of the woman? These basic things in the house set us up for how we are in the world. You have exposed at the core how many of us view this set up.
Hi Lee, Its beautiful that you have allowed yourself to feel the inequality that is still evident in this 21st century. I appreciate so very much what you have written in support of the truth which needs to be expressed. Thank you.
It feels like there has always been an imbalance between men and women.
Yes – it has presented itself in varied forms – physically and verbally, but it has never stopped. Still today we have physical forms of abuse (ie cutting) and verbal (any means that makes a women less)
One could even say that advertising/magazines and fashion are abusive to women – they seed the insecurities we use to make us feel less.
Equality is not achieved unless there is a balance in every aspect. A woman may have a loving and equal relationship, but then how is she treated by her colleagues? her friends? And how is her partner treating other women that are not his partner. It seems there are still a lot of areas to uncover. Thank you for this great exposing Lee.
Thanks for this powerful and insightful blog Lee. With all the strides in so called ‘equality’, has anything really changed. You see and read about domestic violence and abuse everywhere, from the statistics you quote, to rape, to forced prostitution. In my workplace I see and hear how men refer to women and I realise, if this is just the microcosm of the world, then humanity still has a long way to go.
Thank you for writing Lee and sharing your experience as a child. It was heartfelt. You write with full of understanding of how women and men have been “held by beliefs and ideals that put a woman second”. By writing so openly and asking the question, “Men: what mess are we truly in?” is a step towards breaking this false consciousness.
This is indeed a fresh approach to abuse and as you say Lee….’There is a line here that has been stood on for centuries’….
Sharing your lived experiences as a child highlights how, every time society makes a choice to ‘look the other way’ we are perpetuating the acceptance of this abusive behaviour, thank you
Excellent article Lee Green and for me growing up in an indian family means women really are second class in every way and little has changed and the control continues. I love what you say about men allowing surface freedom – that is so true as I myself experienced this in my first marriage and it continues today with most of my family members and it’s normal in the indian culture so nothing changes. It is dutiful as a daughter, wife and mother to allow the man to dominate and control all areas of your life.
I did not agree with it so I said No and what I was really saying No to was the inequality that gender has brought and how society allows it and accepts it. I came to the point where it felt like abuse and I chose not to Accept abuse in my life. That was in 1986.
Today I have a real relationship with my husband and not an arrangement that suits either of us. The main thing is we each know we are equals and that remains the foundation of our marriage.
We, as women, need to allow ourselves to feel, learn to care for and love ourselves again so we will see and stop allowing the impositions, harmful attitudes and abuse which hurts us all.
Any man who abuses a woman, in no matter what form, is not a man, and does not know how to love and cherish, and see the beauty in a woman.
An amazingly honest blog Lee where you do not shy away from looking at choices and consequences as a man and seeing their effect in the wider picture. As women we also can look at how is it that we have allowed ‘balance of power’ to continue the way it is or why we have let it.
Yes, “anything less than love is abuse”, this gives us all, men AND women an opportunity to acknowledge “every action has a consequence.
Thank you, Lee, for your honesty and the obvious love you have for women and humanity that has inspired this blog. How beautiful that you are expressing in this way, so that the unspoken of ugly subject of domestic abuse and the perpetual dishonouring of women can have some true light shone on it.
Lee, I just re-read this after a couple of years and it is still incredibly relevant to all men to read and consider our role in the male female equality saga. As you say, we may believe in equality but do we live it in every way, or are we insidiously working against equality whilst claiming to be for it?, Of course there are some men, maybe many who don’t even profess to believe in equality but that is their issue to deal with and eventually they will have to, because equality is a fact not an ideal to be striven for.
Thank you Lee for your powerful exposes on what men, including myself, have allowed by collusion and/or being silent which is more insidious. Today you can get a living snapshot on the history of how men have/still see and treat women, from the modern we are all truly equal, to places where women are objects of men and have no rights and everything in-between. As Jane stated, is it time to re-write history…I believe so.
Thank you Lee for this deeply honest blog. So true that misogyny and sexism is so ingrained in our way of speaking that it very often goes unnoticed by both men and women. It is indeed the glossing over of these throw away comments that keeps us all bound to a degraded and degrading way of relating to each other. Thank you for calling out how insidious and hideously normal this has become.
The abuse of women by men insidiously creeps into all aspects of society. The “playful” joke about a women’s place, that denigrates and belittles women is brushed off as harmless fun yet where does it lead. The statistics you share speak loud and clear yet these are statistics that only get whispered by society, why is this? What messages have we given teenage boys that allow them to believe it is acceptable to abuse and strike fear into teenage girls. This issue is absolutely huge Lee, thanks for sharing and starting a conversation.
Lee I had a very different childhood. My parents mixed their roles, and the feeling of love, respect and support that they had for each other had a strong influence as I grew. I never felt the need to’burn my bra’ and prove myself as a woman in a man’s world. But as I moved out into independence, I was shocked to see the abuse that women suffered. I really had no idea. I found your statistics staggering. It almost seems as if, as women seem to be more independent, some men have become angrier and have sought more opportunities to put women down. I agree with mmryan. This is not true equality, not equality for all, without gender- or race, for there is a whole new debate, but an equality based on love for humanity as a whole. Human being with human being. Beautifully put, mmryan, thank you.
A very profound insight Lee, I felt deeply touched to have a man express this. The statistics you mentioned are quite staggering and I found myself reflecting that what you have raised is like the tip of an iceberg. A starting point for a new understanding of the lack of equality and abuse in the world everywhere and whilst the world strives to make it an equal place for women, we must also look at it being equality for all, without gender. Human being with human being.
Lee thank you for the power and the honesty in your writing. It has been moving reading your article and all the comments here. I was particularly touched with appreciation of qualities of women in the comments from Dean Pirera (Sept 12 2012 at 6:54AM) and Kris Lyons (Sept 17 2012 at 6:28PM) – both well worth a read and so beautifully celebrating of women. And I realise that as a woman I am responsible for appreciating the qualities as deeply as these men have and to express them with no apologies, with power in the world.
Amazing Lee and thank you for your honesty and exposing the parts that men and women have played in perpetuating the stereotypical roles that ‘society’ has assigned to us. I have certainly played my part in not just accepting unacceptable behaviour but also colluding with it because deep down I don’t feel I am worthy and the equal of any man. This is a work in progress but meeting so many lovely, gentle men through Universal Medicine has led to a massive shift in the way I view men and interact with them and if feels so much more possible that we can all work together to re-imprint our relationships.
On reading this again I am struck by the power, truth and integrity of what you have written, Lee. It is so true when you write, “Yet as a man I am learning that every action has a consequence. I just did not realise how big until today.” Reading this again it is as if it is for the first time and a whole new deeper level of realisation has opened up. Gosh.
An awesome blog and a great opportunity to consider my own part, as a woman, in accepting abusive behaviours just because ‘it’s not that bad really’. It is time for true equality and both genders have a part to play in this. Thank you Lee.
Lee this is a stunning article, the depth of honesty is a rare treat. The fact it is so ugly is why we don’t want to look at it as a society. The it being abuse, denigration, verbal, physical, sexual assault. When the article you refer to came out I was furious with the insinuations it blasted about in its tone of “of course we can write like this about women this is normal”. The fury was a reflection of what I had allowed. As a woman who realised she despised being a woman only a few years ago – (a turning point in learning to love being a woman) – I can understand your shock and deep upset at realising you have been operating from the ugliest of drives — separation and denigration. Thank you for writing this and sharing it.
So beautufully said Vanessa – I echo your sentiments.
I have noticed this too Jo. There’s a huge consciousness around this. I remember the phrase “know your place” which was used to remind young girls and women that they were less than men and there was no arguing with that. They “did for men “. This attitude is still prevalent today and unless we address this in our own lives it is never going to change. Lee says “The beliefs and ideals that have been so deftly hidden and tucked away are now spilling out for all to see” We can now grab these and really see them for what they are and gradually rid ourselves of them forever. It is in our hands, we can make the changes needed to nurture ourselves back to true equality.
I love this Elaine, it’s so true, ‘it’s in our hands, we can … nurture ourselves back to true equality.’
Lee your blog is a big stop. I too read those words in the article and, whilst I understood they were not right, did not feel the gravitas of what was actually being said. I have been part of that culture, part of that way of treating women in any way I want, with zero respect. It is not a pleasant thing to consider when I look at just how I’ve been – yet it’s incredible that all the women involved in Universal Medicine, as well as countless others who have had the strength, are now saying that is not acceptable and with that so are the men.
…So important to take time to feel into and observe more closely how we personally see women…
Something I notice a LOT is women (myself included) bending over backward to keep a man ‘happy with her’…this shows a big fundamental imbalance…and leads to allowing much that we know feels wrong to slip by…
Time to get real honest and start working hard to view ourselves with respect and stop NEEDING men’s approval…
What about living in a way that brings a sense of respect to ourselves; to men and to women equally?
Lee, thank you for your writing. It is stupendous and so true. There really is a strong thread of misogyny throughout our societies, even the so called enlightened ones; here’s it’s often more insidious as there’s a thread that says “but we’ve given you all this, what have you to complain about”, just showing how the ‘giving’ of rights of course was not based on true equality at all. And you know, as other comments have said, this misogyny is also in women, in how we treat each other. For years I saw being a woman as being less, and it’s only in recent years (I’m now in my 40’s) that I really started to look at and unpick these ideas and I’d have to say, especially on reading your piece, that there’s still a way to go. We women have joined the working world but we’ve done so as men and not as the women we are – we still don’t celebrate the innate qualities that women bring and actually we don’t celebrate what men do either (their innate tenderness) – we’ve both been sold an ideal way and it’s not true for either of us and in this we denigrate women generally and any men who don’t fit the model of what we deem a successful man to be. Your article has really got me thinking about the abusive ways (often disguised as a joke) I put up with and allow and don’t call out – thank you.
So so well said Monica. You really highlight here the ‘more insideousness of ‘disguised’ or seemingly less obvious misogyny and the role it plays in our world today (harming women AND men). I was recently contemplating this myself and realised that these so called ‘lesser’ abuses may appear ‘less extreme’, compared to the ‘more extreme’ abuses, but what if the abuse we normalise, ‘disguise as a joke’, etc, but which holds the same imprint and package as women (and so called feminine traits) being less, – what if this is what actually underpins and allows the so called ‘more extreme’ to exist. What if these things we normalise, perhaps not even allowing it to register on our radar and ‘don’t call out’, are actually the foundations of some of the most horrific abuses we see enacted around the world.
I love the sense of what true equality is possible from the way you write – something that is not bestowed, but reclaimed, by all the men and women of this world – all equally naturally tender.
Kate, your comment really touched me. You’ve nailed out, it’s all on a scale, any abuse no matter how small, if not called out allows a greater abuse to exist, and we’re all responsible for that. Indeed many of us have in the past hidden and allowed those smaller abuses to exist while condemning, judging and being horrified at those who commit larger abuse, yet failing to see our own part in it. It really is about us all, the whole, everyone, no matter what gender living the love and tenderness we naturally are.
Hear hear Monica, so true.
Kate, So well spoken.
Obvious abuse has to start somewhere. Don’t we need to open our eyes so we don’t keep building the foundation for abuse?
I feel more and more how we are all responsible for feeling what true equality is and not going along with less.
I am in deep gratitude after reading this exposing article. Your words are so true. A wake up call for all men and women, as a whole. We all need to take responsibility for our actions and look at what lies beneath and motivates our choices. Thank you, very powerful and spot on.
Thanks Lee for your honesty in this blog. I too have been influenced, coerced into thinking that as a man it is somehow a weakness to surrender that bread-winning mentality. I have found it challenging to look at and start breaking down these beliefs but it also feels liberating. Men do not realize that these societal belief systems and so called social norms are the enemy not women.
Hi Lee, you said ‘I too have been held by beliefs and ideals that put a woman second.’ I think many women have too – most of my life I hated being a girl/woman and would have preferred to be a man. It is only now, in my 60s, that I can appreciate what being a woman truly means and to feel the power in the tenderness that is equally in men and women.
So well said Carmel.
Well put Carmel, I too as a young girl hated being a girl and only in my late 30’s began to appreciate it. I always felt that life would be easier if I was a boy/man, not necessarily true of course, but all the same it was driven by the way I felt how I was treated differently, treated as less. And yes we are all tender beings who have been acting far from who we truly are.
Thank you Lee – a powerful blog!
Those statistics are shocking.
Your honesty is inspiring when I read “In all honesty I can say that it did not stir anything in me, it was like I could see the words and yet nothing moved.” I felt how I have done the same with reading articles and hearing the news, and what I felt is how I had become numb to what is presented, and even worse, accepted it and felt that there was nothing I could do about it! How wrong am I, you are absolutely right it is every man and woman’s responsibility to take responsibility for our actions, and say “NO” to all of that which is not loving and abuse in the world. I used to think that one voice does not make an ounce of difference, now I know this not to be true. One voice saying “No” makes a massive difference and as you expressed at the beginning of your article we can no longer trust the media. We need to start trusting ourselves.
Amazingly powerful insightful blog – thank you Lee. Both men and women can use words to denigrate each other. When I have called out one of my brothers for their put-downs of me, their response “it was only a joke.” “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” So not true. If we were all taught from a young age the true facts about energy and our impact on each other, the world would be a very different place – as it will be one day.
Very true Sue, words can be very cutting. What can be a flippant remark from someone, can be hurtful to another. In the past I have used those ‘put downs’ with the consequent line of ‘it was only a joke’, but in truth they are nothing more than snide comments dressed up as humour.
This is truly extraordinary writing- I am blown away by Lee’s honesty, and insight.
Thank you Lee for your powerful words. I am finding for myself that my voice is how I am trying to do my part to change what men have always done. By calling out that which is wrong.
Wow, Lee, I can feel through your words the devastating effects of domestic violence on children, and recognise the powerlessness in those situations. My parents were never violent, but they argued a lot and I hated it. It always felt like my mother was the strong one and my father would walk away, each feeling they were right. I agree that the power plays may be more subtle than many of us realise, with simple words than can be totally destructive, and it can equally be in a look of disdain, or a dismissive shrug. I think that women can be equally rude about men with comments such as ‘Ugh, typical male’ or ‘What do you expect, it was a man who designed it’. So perhaps we can all benefit from looking at our attitudes to the opposite sex.
You’re absolutely spot-on Carmel, as usual. The stereotypical brutal male using violence to maintain the order is only half the story, as I have also witnessed bullying on the part of females towards males. As you say, perhaps we can all benefit from examining our attitudes to the opposite sex.
Yes, Carmel, I recognise how as women we have a huge responsibility not to criticise men and blame them wholly for the situation of inequality that still exists today. My mother was also the dominant one in our household and there were lots of rows, and I was influenced by her attitude to men as being not capable and having to be looked after, that led to a denigration. I have lived this out in various ways throughout my life and it is only recently I have been able to let it go with the help of Serge Benhayon, the male students of Universal Medicine, and my partner with whom I have the most equal relationship with a man I have ever had. That is because we have both worked with it together.
Thanks Lee – I’ve got a lot out of your powerful insight, in particular how easy it is to just allow a subtle denigration or insult to slip and not realise the devastating consequences it may have.
Yes Simon, it is the subtle ways that we as men insult and look to control women, looking to dismiss their contribution if it in any way might leave us feeling lesser or diminished in our masculine role. The No More Page 3 campaign in the UK is one such example, where men defend their right to objectify topless women for the sake of entertainment, belittling and dismissing the very real contribution that women have to make in society. Valuing women only for the physical is ingrained in our culture where women are to be admired for appearance and no more, this plays out in the media everyday. There is a real control process going on in this that is something that cannot be accepted of justified.
So many areas in our lives are affected by what we have unquestioningly accepted as normal for so long: the undermining of women, the assumption that men do not feel, the belief that children do not know until they are taught. Thank goodness for men like Lee Green who redress the balance of the socially crippling writings of people like Josh Robertson and Liam Walsh.
Beautifully said Matilda.
Well said Matilda! A powerful piece by Lee Green.
Thank you Lee, this is so deeply personal and beautiful. The level of abuse that humanity has allowed is so extreme. Your post reminded me that I once I thought myself lucky to be in a relationship with a man that didn’t physically hurt me- yet accepting the more subtle forms of abuse just because they weren’t the extremes that other woman were experiencing. The love, care and gentleness you have shared in this posting has set an awesome foundation… for anything less than love is abuse.
Jane, your writing similarly supports me to go deeper.. And I am ‘with you’ on the book idea, as we come to break down these walls that have been there for aeons in all relationships.. and courageously choose to make our relationships about love – the REAL thing.
This sharing is an evolving miracle…
I was recently able to feel and appreciate the ABSOLUTE power and beauty that exists between two women when they stand together in their essence, with no walls for protection and this is truly stunning to feel, no -one could deny the power that women offer, so I pose the question;
Why has the porn industry put so much effort into denigrating something that offers sheer truth, power and beauty for all EQUALLY?
and
How as humanity, have we not just allowed it, but encouraged it?
Toni, go for it – this deserves its own post.
Thank you all for sharing much needed insight and wisdom and for breaking through many beliefs we have in society that are harmful, unequal and keep us less than the amazingness we naturally are.
As many have asked, why is it that we allow this inequality and denigration of each other when we are all one and the same? Why is it that we can accept a less way for ourselves as women and men? Why is there the need to compare and compete? and why is it that as a humanity we have sat in silence for eons and allowed this to be?
As a woman, I can also see my own part in allowing this denigration of women to be through past silence and giving up on our power to inspire change and by accepting this lesser way.
We all share a deep responsibility to present loving harmony between us as equal brothers and from here the world will see a true way.
Lee, and everyone that has posted here, I strongly agree with you all.
We need to have the true beauty of nurturing from women who hold us when we cry; who stop us when we are angry; who make us smile when we are sad and who pick us up when we are down. Everyone knows the true power of a connection with women because it’s the same connection we have with ourselves that we feel in our hearts as kids.
I will fully admit that if there weren’t women in the world we would be very lost…men would “conquer” the world and there would be very little left but greed…of how many castles we have.. or how much money we have..or how hard we are or of how much we can push ourselves, but most of the world is heading like this already so yes we are in trouble.
But in every man under all the armour there is a heart and tenderness. The truth is, without women showing us the way we would be so sad and broken that we would never let any one see our gentleness, let alone our hearts.
As a child all you want is a hug from your mother because you wanted to feel the safe nurturing feeling of her open heart. But not just a mother has an open heart, all women do. Every woman has the ability to nurture and show us men that it is ok to show your heart. They are even there to hold your hand while we are slowly breaking the armour and shields over our heart, to be free as we once were as kids.
Ladies, why do you put up with men that don’t love you for who you are but for what you do for them, or those that only look at you when they seek intimacy?
Love is something that holds you in a way that you never feel less than beautiful and the honour for each other…they can be on the other side of the world but your hearts can be connected and feel like they are in your arms even if they are not there.
I attend a lot of Universal Medicine courses and take my hat off to Unimed, Serge Benhayon and the team because they are showing that it is ok to follow your heart. Women are feeling permission to be who they are naturally and are reconnecting to themselves and feeling it is ok to stand up for themselves and know they’re worth being loved.
If one man can openly talk and share with people that it is ok to be self-loving and put yourself first and honour who you are, then yes it will expose many men. Of course I’m not surprised that a lot of break ups have happened since the ladies have reconnected to their hearts and felt they have self worth, and enough strength to say ‘I’m worth more then this loveless relationship’ and walk away.
So no one can blame Serge Benhayon for a relationship breakup because truthfully it is us as men who need to take responsibility and treat our wives and girlfriends no less than truly amazing.
You don’t even have to be in a relationship with someone to connect with a true woman and feel the beauty of their presence and feel the openness of your heart.
The ideals of being more powerful because we are faster, stronger and pushing past who we are to keep up or to be more has become far from who we really are. It’s not about being more powerful and push ourselves past pain and suffer to be stronger – because we have lost who we are. However as kids we only want to feel love. Ummm, something is wrong here in the world!!!!
So my heart is un-chained and it’s very open and I love it because connecting with people in this world is more amazing then being rich because I feel rich with my heart every day. When I go to Universal Medicine courses I see women, children and other guys with nothing but rich-filled hearts. There is no competition when you feel the love you have inside and the joy of just being yourself.
What evolving honesty you show us Lee with your truth-full personal account. I read it feeling how deeply this issue has touched you and how in and through your words, you have touched myself and also so many more through all the above inspiring and heartfelt responses. Thank you.
Lee, the honesty in what you have written brought tears to my eyes. Your simple sharing around ‘resisting the dishes’ allowed me to feel the depth of abuse I have allowed as a woman. I feel this is such a huge issue for women and men; both parties still playing out a long held dynamics.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing as a man, the willingness to own and feel all the conditioning that has impacted on your actions and choices.
Thank you Lee for the amazing healing you have inspired in so many. In your blog the words that touched me deeply were the ones relating to the fact that this abuse goes on without anyone standing up to say no. As a young woman aged 17 years old I had a very violent experience with my partner at the time, this left me in shock, but what really hurt was when I went to seek support from people in homes around where it occurred, no-one would open their doors, I truly felt humanity had turned its back on me. As a whole humanity does not want to admit to the depth of harm that is occurring in relationships, this is why people would not open their doors to me, because it would mean opening the door to what is truly going on.
Thank-you for this comment. So powerfully true. We can’t truly be there for others if we don’t want to admit the abuse we ourselves live in. ..and more walls start to shake and shatter…
Lee, let me add my voice to those that can feel the power and truth of this post. I read it and immediately felt the things I was not wanting to admit….That I am equally part of it all.
I have also felt the magic of being meet by women, who live from that deeply tender part of themselves and ask nothing of me in return. As Dean expressed, it is truly a gift.
What you have grounded here, is truly immense and has inspired me to dig deeper into how I have tried to keep women ‘at bay’ or ‘controlled’…all to protect myself from taking responsibility for not choosing love.
with deep appreciation…
Thank you Lee for expressing the fact that we all have allowed the disregarding way of living as men and women in society.
Thanks to your blog I can now also give words to what I felt when I read the article in the Brisbane Courier Mail. What I felt was anger and sadness; why is this written? Why is there that much resistance in humanity against the love that we truly are?
The words and themes that have been used in the article are constantly repeated in all media, as to endorse the ill persuasion that life is as is told, keeping us away from love, from our inner-most.
It is great that we can come to the realisation that we are all part of this and that it can be stopped by us not accepting this way of living from ourselves anymore and instead choosing the love we eternally are.
To Lee, Greg, Dean, Rod and all the other individuals who have posted here, a deep and heartfelt thank you. I cannot describe what I felt reading all of these comments, but cried from beginning to end – I feel as though a deep and long hurt has finally been given permission to be expressed and felt, and that this has grounded an amazing opportunity to heal and to express truth about what is truly going on. I am still crying and can only express my deep gratitude for all who have commented here – in particular – the beautiful men who have been so willing to be honest in grounding this for humanity.
Wow. When I read your article last night Lee and then the comments by Dean, Greg and Rod and so many of the others, it was like this massive gag over my neck and throat was now revealing itself. I took myself to bed in tears, lay down and cried deep and old sobs.
When the article came out in the Courier Mail, I felt the insult to women everywhere in the insinuation made about their breasts not being touched without permission. I could go there, I could express that that was wrong, that that was abuse. But as to the other far more subtle insinuations that were made, I was pretty numb. Now I realise how cemented and old those beliefs have been, and how cemented they’ve been in myself as a woman in this life, and the responsibility and pain that I carry, that we all carry – from lifetimes of having lived as a man and a woman.
Thank you for going there Lee, Dean, Greg and Rod. You have given me permission to feel what has been no man’s land (pun intended) and feel and claim deeper the power of fragility that is in all us – in the beauty of women and in the beauty of men.
Thank you Lee.
This truly has been amazing to read and was deeply felt.
It has been a true healing to read. What has been going on for all, and is still taking place blindly each day, to be truly spoken about and acknowledged.
It is a healing for all women and yes it does feel like the war is ending. In much gratitude.
Thank you guys for the beautiful healing – Lee, Greg, Dean and Rod. It feels for me like you are the voice of my father, my brother, my ex-husband and my son. Your tender words wash over me, cleansing my wounds from all the men in my life and so the tears came…
I was on a train back to London from my session with Simone yesterday, writing on my computer and listening to Miranda’s angelic voice through my headphones. A 40+ year old, very good looking, strong built, rather tall man sits opposite at my table. We exchange smiles and hellos and I go back to my Mac, he to his Blackberry and then he mostly looks around, and through the windows staying with his thoughts. An hour into the journey, suddenly and definitely unexpectedly, he is waving at me signalling that he wanted to ask me something. I pause the music and take my headphones off. He dives straight to the question.
“What music are you listening to?”.
I laugh taken by the surprise, then a question back at him: “Why do you want to know that”?
I could tell he was not trying to chat me up or that he was bored but that he definitely wanted to TALK to me. He answered my question admitting the struggle to describe exactly what he was feeling about the way I was with that music but he put it into something like this: “Because you look happy but somehow ‘strange’ happy with that music!” I think he was feeling something much deeper than my relationship to what I was listening to.
I was only typing at the time – no singing and definitely no dancing, so nothing to ‘give away’ how the music might have influenced me.
Anyway, I explained all about Michael and Miranda (those who are unfamiliar here is the link: http://www.gloriousmusic.com.au/artist/miranda-benhayon-and-michael-benhayon) and their music. He of course was left with his eyebrow raised as in: “never heard of them”!
The rest of the hour of our journey we covered topics from politics, to religions, to media, corruption…finishing with education. He was a teacher. Even at the start of our conversation I could feel how much he had given up on people and humanity. His clear stance, which he adamantly claimed later in conversation, was; ‘no hope’ for the society at large. There were some magic moments, moments of God, during our exchange. He said when he was eight he felt that the way the world was could not carry on and that the ‘doomsday’ must come, since he could not see ‘the way out’ of the mess we had created. He still feels this way, and although I shared my way of making a difference he was not convinced but said great that I was “one of those people”. He also shared how being a teacher has lost its joy, how everything is target driven and ‘stuffing’ children with knowledge orientated but that nobody truly cared about the actual child, and there was nobody offering to meet the child – his words, not mine! He also said: “Because of the targets I sometime have to abandon a child who is considered a ‘waste of time and a lost case’ (which they are not) and give all my attention to the one who is expected to produce good results. And that hurts.” This from a man who physically looked like nothing could hurt him (hence more detailed description at the beginning). He went on to say: “It particularly hurts when the pupil is a girl, because they are more vulnerable in the society today and I feel, what if she was my daughter, a daughter of a friend…” I brought into conversation some wonderful Universal Medicine students who are making huge difference and in education in particular, but his sceptical eye was too clouded to see ‘the way out’.
As the train drew into Paddington station he got up to go first and parted with: “I truly enjoyed this conversation with you”.
“The joy was mutual”, I replied.
I was moved beyond words. People evidently feel all the deep devastation that is present in the world today which we have been sharing on these blogs too.
How is this for timing? – as minutes later, when I got off the train, and I got on a bus, I was met by your post Lee, which moved me to tears: yes both of joy and sadness, for the same reasons that others have expressed. Without naming everyone, EVERY single word written in all the comments too had a colossal impact on me and in somewhat most beautiful way further shattered something within me – not pleasant at all and aeons deep. Gratitude is the last word that comes to me.
Thank you for sharing that. That made me cry, both sadness and joy. I know people who feel the same as that man on the train, but it feels like a seed was planted there, and the more I read these blogs and people’s comments, the more it feels like many more seeds have been planted everywhere. This is just the begining. It’s so beautiful to be a part of. Let’s keep speaking so our voices and the truth may be heard.
Lee, this is the most inspiring writing, it feels as if you have just blown the whole mess of humanity apart with your self questioning and tender presentation. On first read it felt deep,on second read my whole body is feeling aeons of grief for both men and women, how much we are all responsible for the various forms of abuse as we have become so removed from the real truth of ourselves.
All the comments from both men and women are resonating deeply within me…. and the final threads of my old, well- ingrained belief of “being lesser and not deserving equalness” put into an entirely different perspective – blown to bits actually!
You and the men responding to this post – sharing feelings of the honouring and presciousness of women feels like a a beautiful, warm, joy-full, glorious beacon of healing light within me. Thank you!
Hi Lee, I am so touched today to read your post, and the comments by Dean and Rod. It has been such a healing, and I feel calmer after this weekends articles in the papers which have stirred so much of that old hidden imbalance that has made me at times feel so saddened, frustrated and misunderstood, not relevant and “out of my depth” – not to mention censored. At times I know in my life, I have sought a false confidence in the fact that by being a gay woman I didn’t have to get so “involved” with men, and allowed myself to dismiss them as equally as they dismissed me – by not taking them seriously (which is so not dealing with the issue of my responsibility to express who I really am as a woman back to them as men). This position I took ‘on the fence’ sometimes left me looking at this abuse of women and feeling the pain of that and then looking at men and seeing the fear in them, the insecurity and the desire to want to control and dominate. An example of this personally for me was in our own family home with my father who I was very close to. At times he ruled the household with delusions of grandeur and was crazy about us all having to respect him and his word; he always had to have the last say and if anything went wrong in our relationships within the family we were sent by mum to apologise to him!
What I was truly wanting to recieve in my relationships with all men was their expression of care and protection and the integrity of meeting me equally as a being with love. When this wasn’t reciprocated, I compartmentilized them, and in certain cases wrote them off with lack of trust. Reading the article in the Courier mail brought a stinging reminder of all that injustice; reading the comments by you my dear friends (Dean and Rod) has been the antidote to the pain. Lying in bed last night I was feeling all of this, and feeling how we are all in this ‘mess’ together, and both our responses need to be a strong commitment to love, not the resistance of love in ourselves, or the resistance to loving each other.
The moment I began reading this article, I could not stop, could not do anything but read it, then all of the posts to follow, it was touching me in the deepest of ways and inspiring me to feel the change that has been worked hard towards, beginning to truly have its footing. I was reading the posts of people expressing their tears come and I wondered for a moment if I needed to cry, until I got to Rowena’s post. Once I read her line, “it feels like a white flag is being waved to mark the end of a war”, then the tears came….
This fight for truth has been devastating for us all. It is the craziest thing in the world, one that I have either been given up on, fighting for, or in the loveliest of times just accepting myself and what is going on – but then only to put up a fight again when the next big thing came along. It feels like the true start of a new beginning…
Thank you Lee. Your words are so moving, and reading these comments, especially from the other men, brings a warmth throughout my body – like a huge hug. So powerful to hear men speak like this. Thank you.
Thank you Lee, and all of you who have left a comment. Our level of honesty here is what we need to make the difference as ‘man and woman’ in our daily life. There is so much to feel for me in how I have lived attempting to be a ‘woman’ according to how men wanted me to be – to fit in. There are so many ideals and beliefs to throw away. It feels as life changing for me and all of us.
I have been so touched by your words of such honesty and tenderness, that I felt the tears within, your words were like a gentle caress of healing for me. Also to the men that have responded in this post, truly appreciated. Thank you.
How very powerful and beautiful your words are Lee, thank you for sharing on such a deep and personal level. A sharing that will influence and shape humanity in general and me as a woman for eons. I was profoundly touched by your reflection on the beauty, glory and preciousness of women, something I am tentatively beginning to feel for myself. I treasure you Lee and am so grateful for your presence, influence and love in my life. Shirl
I feel the equal responsibility between men and woman on this topic and the ‘part’ that I have very comfortably played as a woman to hold this all in place. I have felt abuse verbally and energetically from men my whole life, holding me in a box or configuration of how I should be. It’s like men look at me with eyes that not only refuse to see who I am in full on the inside, but eyes that attack and say don’t you even consider the possibility that you more or are all of that.
But I have allowed this and accepted this my whole life, as this is what I deserve and how it naturally is. Like an unspoken ‘piece’ that I am to play on the chess board, to bow down and not accept all that I am on the inside and never ever let it out. I know how to play this piece so well that if I begin to feel myself stepping out or away from this, I very quickly and very efficiently know how to bring myself back down to where I ‘should’ be. That’s correct, I know how to play this role as the lesser and have chosen this over and over until it is something that I have become not only identified with, but not longer was seeing.
More recently I have been fortunate enough to have people in my life such as Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine Practitioners and my husband who have looked me deep in the eyes, to the depth of who I am and asked for all of me. These people will often accept and ask for the full-ness of my exquisiteness to a level greater than I am choosing to feel or accept myself to be. My partner has been stepping up to this more and more consistently, not allowing me to choose to be less, constantly asking me to speak up and meet him in equal-ness and saying comments such as “feel how lovely you are, then multiply that by 6 billion and this is how lovely you truly are”. In doing this he is not only inspiring me to be all of me but not allowing me to manipulate and control by playing the lessor women. Yes women equally manipulate, control and abuse men and other women by playing the lessor role and on some levels asking for the abuse or denigration.
Unfolding how to live as an equal has been somewhat confronting, because it has been so ingrained in me that I am less, and this is what I have accepted myself to be. Thank you to all the men and women who are beginning to express different, and to Lee for creating this honest forum to expose it for all to feel. The support and inspiration is deeply felt.
Danielle thank you, you have touched upon something I was beginning to feel as I have read, felt and wept my way through this amazing sharing (tears of both joy and of deep sadness).
Through Lee’s post I was able to feel the shock that each time one of those subtle, forcefull moments where a man went into not his tender self and took on a subtle ‘societies dominator’ mode, with physical stance, unspoken comment, etc, (and here’s my personal bomb shell realization) – it was only possible because deep in my fibre I too held the same belief of worth-less-ness of women. I’m not sure if I just took it on, or actually created it by being less, though I shudder to feel that the latter is true.
We have all lived lives as both men and women and been ‘subjected’ to and been party to the way these beliefs pervade and are maintained in our societies, through religion, culture, education, and the force is often in the unspoken but implied worth-more-ness of men…
So much of my life I have ‘fought’ for equality, ‘pushed’ women’s rights. Tried to ‘out male’ or match the men in my life; ‘keep up’ on pub crawls, in the garden, under the bonnet of a car… And yet the awful irony is that had I actually stopped and felt the incredible magical beauty of we dear women, I would have had nothing to prove or fight for in the first place. The fight was founded on the belief of being lesser to begin with.
I have had the chance here to feel the awful harm of holding back being a woman – to us all. And very very touchingly to actually feel the potential and beauty of BEing a woman as expressed by these dear men.
As Dean says, it’s up to us all to walk back and start putting it right.
Thank you all so much for what is being unveiled here, truly healing on a massive scale.
Awesome Lee, very inspiring writing – exposing what we don’t want to admit let alone see. The power and beauty women hold when they are just themselves and don’t feel they need to compete is amazing…so why do we as men not allow them this space? Could it be that if we truly did we would be shown how far we have strayed?
Very inspiring …
Gosh, Lee, Greg, Dean and Rod…….What amazing gentle-men you are. It is so beautiful and humbling to hear your thoughts. Thank you.
Wow, much can come from one person being honest and sharing their experiences. Thank you. The way in which women are portrayed in general – the subtle and refined use of words used in the media, the one liners or throw away comments towards women in general conversations or on the street are often left ignored, unfelt or dismissed. I too read those words in the Courier Mail and if I skimmed over the article I wouldn’t necessarily feel the true meaning; the insidious and devicive undertones. When re-reading it closely it is not the news or information that is being relayed (rehashed) it is this message about women that is starring me in the face. It becomes glaringly obvious that this is not about news at all. It is calculating, it asserts a control and power over women. The power to put women down – how clever and so subtle at the same time. Could it be that this is just but one example of many. I am not talking ‘conspiracy theory’ here but I am starting to realise that we read these messages all of the time – all I have to do is pick up a newspaper or magazine and read a few headlines about female celebrities without discerning and feeling what is really being said and then that lays down another belief that we as women live by. So every morning when I read these amazing articles and posts it is a great celebration because they are finally breaking down these long held beliefs. A big thank you to all who have written.
This is fantastic. Thank you Lee. You have grounded something amazing. It is such a powerful reflection for us all, men and women, as can be seen by all heart-felt responses. Over the years I have attempted not to collude – supported feminist friends in their struggle but not really seeing it as ‘our struggle’, being a house-husband for a short-time, etc. – but in truth and reality have succumbed and acted from the arrogance of the supposed male superiority (and seeing women as sexual objects) when it came to the crunch. What a confused and painful time. Not until meeting Serge have I had a role model to be something different, to start to feel safe, to start allowing myself to feel and express my true nature and tenderness. To start being a ‘true man’. You, and all the comments, are another beautiful support to help take down the wall of false protection. Thank you.
Gosh, what a start to the day! Thank you Lee for instigating the beginning of a deep and healing change and thank you to Greg, Dean and Rod for your deep honesty. I cried, it feels like a white flag is being waved to mark the end of a war. This is the beginning and there is much healing to be done. At long last we are beginning to see that to change what we don’t like in the world must begin with realising how we personally contribute to it every day through our accepted behaviours. I grew up with an alcoholic father which was a continual, terrifying and unpredictable disruption to family life. I came out of that being a very feisty woman and ‘took on’ men, fought hard to prove I am just as good and even better than ‘them’. Hence I have perpetuated the war too. The way forward lies with us all, men and women, rediscovering our exquisite beauty and letting nothing get in the way of us expressing our love to ourselves and to each other. Thank you for the healing.
Lee this is the turning point and you have helped grounded it! BRAVO. As a woman who felt distain towards herself unconsciously I too have been party to this abuse. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful account of the mess we are in and feeling what you have written and what we have all written that we are actually on our way out of this mess. Slowly slowly but with an impact that will be felt by all. With love,
Carmel, your words touched me deeply. Trouser suits or not, I could feel your quality of energy as you wrote that beautiful and honest account – I could feel the absolute claiming of your gentleness, stillness and love which emanated from your expression. I felt a sadness in me and I know that this is because I have lived so hardened and ‘masculine’ in my approach to life – this has hurt myself and others deeply as I have lived in a very force-full and driven way. I felt and was inspired by you – and this inspiration has helped to connect me back to a truth that I know deep within my body – which after some tears – now feels like a sense of deep relief and knowing that it is true for me also to ‘drop the defense’ and come back to the gentle, tender and loving me.
I will also approach my own mother who is still alive, with the same tenderness that I am bringing to myself – as this will also reflect the love and gentleness that she truly is but does not allow herself to express – that is a beauty-full gift for my mum and me – in fact why stop there?… why not with every person in every moment?
Thank you Carmel for being a truly inspiring role model.
My feeling is that we have all been a part of this, as you say, for CENTURIES. In this life, I tried to be like my father – I was a tom boy as a child, played with trains and meccano as well as with dolls; did well in science at school and went on to do Engineering at University. I found that I could stand up as ‘equal’ to men in business when I wore a Trouser Suit; spoke strongly, and was solution-focused in my approach to work. My father died years ago, but I continued forging my way through life in a very manly way, thinking I was being successful. My mother died this year and only in clearing away her things did I realise what a sweet, gentle lady she was underneath the intelligence-focused talkative lady who I always found embarassing and never really liked. All of my life I have hated being a woman, believing that women are weak, much preferring to be a man. Now I am learning what it is to be a woman, and how it feels to be more gentle, to be more natural, instead of pushing and trying. I still wear trousers for work, because they are more practical, but I am not trying to be anything, just allowing the woman I am. It’s much simpler, and so much more fun!
Lee you have grounded something amazing for the world to sit up and take notice. It is a very powerful post which has brought us all to a new level, endorsed by the responses from everyone. I, like Nicola, will re-read for there is much for us to learn from your words.
A deep respectful thank you to you Lee for what you have written but more so for the choice you have made to be so honest.
I too at first did not feel the full impact of the words that had been used by the Courier Mail. I have come to realise that the unspoken rules for men which you and the other great men who expressed here so beautifully write about, has not just been taken on by the men but also by me as a woman. It at first seemed almost normal to me what had been said as it is what I am so used to seeing and hearing throughout my life.
The hardness and sometimes crudeness, the abuse, and denigration I never really thought twice about it as ‘that is the way it is’ and ‘that’s how men are’. I too fought my way to equality and did it by joining in the male game and becoming as tough as they ‘are’. But through Universal Medicine and amazing men like yourself I have come to see that that is not at all how men are and that we are all equally tender and loving. Through your post I am now unraveling a deeper layer of those beliefs that I held and I am seeing and feeling more and more the true divine beauty of both men and women.
Lee, Greg, Dean, Rod thank you – all of your contributions are deeply touching and healing.
In this life I am in a female body and yet I still recognise within myself many of the sneaky beliefs, attitudes and blind eyes that you nominate as men.
In many of your comments I feel that you understand certain aspects of women (me) better than I do. I will read and re-read what you have written as I will read and re-read all the exquisite comments from my glorious sisters.
Yes Lucy – men are awesome, women are awesome and what a team we make!
Yes, Victoria, everyone’s post. We have all truly ‘gone deeper’ in what you have grounded Lee, a universal truth has been felt here.
Absolutely agree, it is a joy.
Thank you so much Lee for your honesty and humility. It feels like a release that allows and opens possibility for true equal-ness to become..
I can feel my heart expanding with joy as I read Greg and Dean’s posts too. The expression is truly beautiful. Thank you again, humanity is the winner here.
AMAZING. I have never felt so touched by a man like this before.
Lee, what you have spoken about here has touched so much in me. The ‘stats’ here are just about physical violence and abuse, but so much more goes on besides. I grew up in a home where there was repeated verbal mental/emotional abuse – and I had the same feelings as you (the sun would be out, and suddenly there would be a change.. and the storm.. which we’d all try to ‘weather’).
My whole life, I’ve been aware of the ‘control’ you speak of – at times ‘fighting’ it, at times succumbing.. it’s been the deepest learning, and reclaiming in my life, particularly as a woman. Even now, in a relationship with an amazing, truly loving man, we continue to ‘deconstruct’ the subtleties of such belief systems – together, and each in our own individual growth.
GREAT walls are breaking down with our ability to express on these matters, without ‘fight’, but from the truth we all do know, within.
I deeply appreciate all you have written, and also the comments of the men above.
..indeed the comments of EVERYONE above!
Oh my, thank you so much for posting this, thank you for the comments and for sharing and expanding on the original post too. I found myself a little teary that you could all share what has been felt for so long but not spoken about. You all shared with such sincerity – not self-bashing – just the way it has been. Being on the receiving end of the ‘unspoken’, is the strangest feeling. As a little girl you feel all of this but because no one is honest about what is going on, I feel, it is the start of denying what you feel. You squash it, let yourself think you are going a little mad, a bad apple, a trouble maker.
Men are amazing, women are amazing, we actually make an AMAZING team … if we cut the comparison and celebrate each other for who we are and what we offer then wow, we will all be permanently wearing sunglasses to cope with the glare from humanity’s brightness – they might even need them to view us from other planets ha ha.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider that 🙂 and allowing me to come back to being play-full!
Lee, your article hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks and I felt a sense of shame as it exposed my role in debasing women throughout my life.
While subtle, it was there – particularly my sexual focus on women’s looks and body shapes. Yet ‘subtle’ is insidious and pervasive. ‘Subtle’ sets the tone for articles written in the media by men, the treatment of women in the workplace, the quips, innuendos, snide remarks and platitudes by men about women.
Lee, you have set a challenge to men everywhere; the damage we have done to women and continue to do is immeasurable.
The comments from women within these blogs have highlighted the prejudice suffered by women today, yet they have articulated it with dignity, independence and an amazing inner strength.
The point is, are men now ‘man enough’ to step up? For being a ‘real man’ involves admitting wrongs and correcting them. A ‘real man’ does not abuse women, physically, emotionally or financially; a ‘real man’ recognises and honours the tenderness and loving qualities in women; a ‘real man’ is prepared to accept and embrace his gentleness and show there is strength in tenderness without hiding behind a wall of toughness or superiority.
I see Serge Benhayon as a living example and a role model of what being a man is really about. His presentations have also helped me to deconstruct the attitudes I previously carried. Yet isn’t it crazy to look another as a role model, when deep down we have known this all along.
Men, we have been complicit in sitting back and watching women defend their rights and call out against injustices. Sure, some men may have taciturnly tacitly agreed, but what have we really done about it? Zilch!
Through a woman’s eyes we can appreciate beauty, strength, gentleness, dignity and a loving essence. And that same essence is there in absolute equalness in men’s eyes.
Perhaps this post from Lee Green will be a catalyst for men to step up and not hide anymore.
That’s it. None of this – between men and women – has EVER been ‘ok’, and we’ve all been complicit. In several ‘writings’ of late, I’ve referred to my husband as being ‘very much his own man’ (for the media has maligned men much also in its comments towards women..). And it only occurred to me this week, that I am very much “my own WOMAN”! Speaking up – in not only what I live personally, but in regards to ‘the bigger picture’ – helped me so much in this realisation. Doh..
Thank you Rod, for your absolute honesty. I treasure you as one of the inspirational men in my life.
It is deeply touching reading these posts from the men. It’s like wow! this is how it can be and it is natural – but no one has been having this conversation. Thank you Rod.
Rod there is absolute truth in your words. I have also been complicit in my life by being silent over the worlds’ ill treatment of women. Lee has laid down the gauntlet… we men but need to pick it up.
Lee, to me you are like the voice that has been silent in men for time immemorial.
As men we have been deeply abusive of women – this is not meant as a confession but as a simple fact.
The tragedy is that in doing that abuse we have actually forgotten, lost touch with, blocked from memory how extremely beautiful and world changing women naturally are.
I have recently experienced the staggering beauty of many women, some of whom attend Universal Medicine and some who do not – I can only say that their beauty comes from nowhere else but God.
This may sound strange coming from a man but I cannot explain how amazing it is to feel a women looking at you and taking with you when she is sharing that deepest part of herself, and without even physically touching you. It is like someone taking a magic feather duster and wiping you clean from the inside. It is an incredible feeling. Do we have any idea of what we are actually sitting on?
I am someone who has been afraid to show my deep appreciation of women – an appreciation that I feel all men secretly have. You only have to watch how much some men adore their mothers and daughters to see this. They would go to the ends of the earth just to be there for them… so it’s not all bad. But whilst I have definitely always known the magnificence women are from, because society and men in general have been told to be a certain fixed way, it has not been acceptable to allow and encourage this.
The worst part of all is, it is not ever publicly or directly said to us that we need to belittle women… it’s way more sneaky than that. It’s like there is braille writing or a hidden code in society for you to feel but never speak about, just read between the lines and know that women have their place in this world and it must be under the man. And it’s almost like there is an invisible hand trying to cover up their mouths and stop them from speaking and being.
And the painfully irony of it all is, the exquisiteness I feel we miss in our world is our women to be in their natural glory. You are right though, we have all contributed to this situation as it stands and it is up to us each to walk back and now put things right.
Dean this post is beautiful, it bought me to tears. It is the fact that you have expressed so tenderly and lovingly how women are naturally. There were tears of joy. Joy because a man can articulate, see and feel the preciousness of the women he lives with and/ or shares his world with. Tears of sadness too because it also feels like you have connected to who we truly are more than I feel I have. I can feel the power in both men and women being together, continuing to look at, unfold and deepen their relationships with each other. Thank you for reminding me I am a ‘magic feather’ and from ‘God’.
This is so powerful, Dean. SO powerful, that I feel personally honoured and met for the truly lovely being that I am. May we all hold each other so, always..
Thank you Dean for sharing your deep appreciation of women, it is truly honouring to hear and feel this as a woman.
Thank you Dean, So lovely.
Thank you for your tender words Dean. I loved…….when you wrote…
‘how amazing it is to feel a women looking at you and taking with you when she is sharing that deepest part of herself, and without even physically touching you. It is like someone taking a magic feather duster and wiping you clean from the inside. It is an incredible feeling. Do we have any idea of what we are actually sitting on?’- You have exemplified the true power of the woman…. these words just melted me and gave me a sense of embracement….and a deep Joy, as I know that men like you, Lee and many more are setting an amazing foundation for all men everywhere.
Thank you Dean, to feel how you are sharing from such a loving place and let all feel the beauty. It let me even allow more to feel who we are as woman and how natural we actually are.
Lee, how honest and humble you are. Thank you for writing such a real account of your experience through this. As a woman, and a gay woman, my experience with men has not been in partner relationship with them; however, with this denigration of women we are seeing in these articles, I have felt a certain silence come over me, a stifledness that I could not at first easily explain. Your comment on men being “in charge and in control” is in fact what I recognised I was feeling stifled by; and it feels very old. I have felt this in all of my work places, not only from my bosses but very significantly from customers; I have witnessed it in my family, and on the streets, it is all around. I feel you are indeed correct in asking is it only “surface freedom” women have been allowed. This control and abuse of power by men has undoubtedly contributed to there being a lack of trust with men (certainly on my behalf it has), so there is a lot here for all of us to work through.
Lee, thank you. Your expression and clarity in summing up the real situation is deeply felt – and spot on.
I too, have wolf whistled at passing girls, assumed a role for my wife in the home, etc and never once stopped to consider how demeaning it all has been – we’re simply raised as the ‘superior’ gender and assume the role with ease!
That is, until I was introduced to Universal Medicine and thereby re-introduced to who I really am and that for me as a man to feel my tenderness there is to be an opportunity first for women to express theirs – so thank you to each and every female who have taken the stand to lay the foundation by re-claiming themselves.
And now it’s up to us men, to build on this foundation – to break down the pedestal on which we have comfortably stood on for so long; let us stand together in our responsibility to be the fragile, tender, love-filled ‘role-models’ we are.
Awesome & powerful, Greg. Thank-you.
Thank you Greg, our world could truly do with the fragile, tender, love- filled ‘role model’ that you are.
Wow Lee. Very powerful article. I feel all that what you have written is very true. I also feel the ‘fight’ you have described of women demanding equality. It feels like we, as women, in that ‘fight’ confirmed the abuse. I can feel the abuse in the way I have fought to get out of the suppression I have felt and therefore have been abusive too. This has certainly not helped bring true change. This is a very profound voice you have given this topic. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. True change may happen now rather than just surface change because you have ‘put it out there’. Awesome work!
Wow Lee… this is one powerful post, it touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing a males perspective.
I live with this amazing man and watched over the weekend as he wrestled with his thoughts and feelings in relation to how he contributes to the ‘mans world’. It was an interesting weekend, there was sadness, anger and a deep remorse at not having stopped until now to consider that we are responsible for so much more than ourselves. It is truly inspiring to share my life with Lee and other amazing men that I know who deeply know that there is so much more to being men than they have ever been shown, taught or seen.