I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

by Susan Scully, Brisbane, Australia

My life to most would have appeared ‘normal’ in that I had ticked all the boxes: good job, successful businesses, great family, good relationship, plenty of friends, good health and the material possessions to go with it all. However I always felt like there was something missing, that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it.

Why is it that it is not until a so-called ‘disaster strikes’ – something that upsets your everyday ‘normal’ life such as a life threatening illness or a marriage break-down – that you begin to re-evaluate and question your life?

If I am ticking what I thought was all society’s boxes ‘being the good, hard-working, kind, law-abiding citizen’, eating what the so-called experts tell me is healthy and nutritious foods, regular GP medical check-ups, and exercising accordingly then pretty much nothing really bad should happen to me, Right? Well we all know that ‘good law abiding citizens’ experience illness and disease, with which we are met with: “God works in mysterious ways”, “Oh you poor thing”, “Life happens”, “Get on with it”, “At least its not cancer”.

It may have seemed easier to sit on the sidelines and not choose to make any changes to my life, waiting for a Doctor to ‘fix’ me, with me playing no part nor taking any responsibility for how I lived on a daily basis. I could feel deep inside however that I needed to change the way I was living to help and support me and the medical profession in my recovery.

Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life: continuing to maintain the gruelling and long work schedule, enjoy whatever alcohol-fuelled nights out I could squeeze in to take the edge off the working day or week, a diet high in carbs, sugar and gluten and plenty of late night work fests to try and fit the never-ending to-do list in while trying to please everyone all of the time…and somewhere in there run a household, an office and several businesses as well as maintain friendships and relationships. Hmmm…I’m exhausted just writing that. Looking back to 2006 I can hardly recognise that was what I called my life.

I had always been open to the possibility that there was more to life though I was too busy working to actively seek answers so it was easier to just go with the norm. When I heard a presentation given by Serge Benhayon I absolutely knew that what he was presenting was true, and change was inevitably necessary whether I liked it or not. I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.

Those who know me know well that I do things my own way with no-one being able to tell me what to do and when. Not at any time has Serge nor any of the practitioners ever told me what to do, rather they have been living and loving examples that have supported and inspired me in knowing that I am also worth doing things differently for, to love and care for myself and inspire others in a similar way.

My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making.

207 thoughts on “I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

  1. ‘Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life’. I feel this is very common, many people know they ‘should’ make changes to their lifestyle, but at the same time the momentums of their ingrained habits and behaviours keeps them repeating the same old again and again. However, in ignoring the messages from our body, the body has to speak louder in the form of illness and disease, which then gets our attention…. The question is, why wait till then?

  2. It takes much honesty to look beyond the okness of the life we have accepted and initiate true changes. It is going to challenge our normal and our comfort, but it is well worth it.

  3. It really goes to show that we can fit into every aspect, ideal and belief of life as society expects but within is where our real success lies. Are we living in connection to the love we are, do we feel settled with who we are within, and are we feeling the richness of life though the quality in which we live and move? All of which is very possible to live every day. The Way of The Livingness has and continues to inspire me to explore to great potential we are all here to live together.

  4. I find that when I am being true to myself, it is easier to trust all I am feeling and thus makes it easier to embrace change in the knowing that the change is the next step and where I need to go to continue learning and growing and allowing more love.

  5. ‘I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me’, I very much relate, my father had a nick name for me, which was the road runner, as I never stopped. I am smiling now as I think of him fondly as he has since passed, as its only now I realise how true this was. I am not that ‘road runner’ now but I still have to be observant because that old ingrained habit of rush mode can creep in the back door…

  6. I can relate to what you are sharing here Susan as I also had a successful life with nothing obviously wrong with it but still felt an uneasiness and lack of satisfaction with it until I realised that in all the successful doing I had left me behind. Learning to reconnect to me and be more true to myself in everything I do has definitely resulted in a greater level of contentment in my life.

    1. This contentment with life, with myself and where I am at, I can relate to Andrew which is a result of an inner acceptance, and trusting all I am feeling which supports me to make the necessary changes my body is inviting me to make. The very quality of contentment nourishes me on so many levels – having lived so many years feeling discontent with life and myself which my body would have suffered from.

  7. Isn’t interesting that you can follow everything society thinks is ‘good’ and ‘right’ to be and yet still be feeling a lack of contentment and like there is something missing. Clearly if even ticking all societies boxes of being the ‘good’ person does not lead one to live a rich and vivacious life then there is something sorely lacking in our social standards and views.

  8. It’s interesting that we do know the changes that we need to make to our lives often well before the significant bust up happens in our health, work or relationships, but we tell ourselves we’re too busy to make the changes, so invested in the roles we’ve told ourselves we need to play, or so buried in busyness that we’re seemingly oblivious to what needs to change. The mind can be quite forceful in telling us what we need to do or how we need to be, but only when we allow it. The body, given half a chance or an ear, on the other hand, innately knows our natural way of being and is constantly attempting to live that. When we follow its cues, and feel how much more settled and steady we are when we do, gradually it becomes easier to let go of the pictures and align to our body’s call.

    1. It is always great to stop, and take stock of where we are and where we are heading, and looking at our investments and expectations which keeps the blinkers on, and stuck in old routines that have become outdated, so we lose sight of the bigger picture and of any changes our bodies are asking us to make. Letting go of our investments and pictures of how things should be, frees up so much space and brings the clarity we need that supports us to make the necessary changes…

  9. So interesting how that busyness can be like wearing blinkers so that we just have this narrow focus on the next thing ahead and totally miss the everything that surrounds us at all times. So much love, so much opportunity that you would think its impossible to ignore… and that is precisely what we end up doing!

    1. Yes, Simon, it is quite amazing how we keep repeating our old unloving ways, ignoring the love around us even though we know it is there by wearing the blinkers of busyness.

  10. Its amazing how when we change our life and reflect back to how we lived, we wonder how we ever coped. And perhaps that’s the point, we didn’t! But in all the busyness every day there is no time to think about doing things differently because we are so exhausted, tensed and stressed that this becomes normal. It is crazy, but once out of this old way of living and relating there is no going back.

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