I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

by Susan Scully, Brisbane, Australia

My life to most would have appeared ‘normal’ in that I had ticked all the boxes: good job, successful businesses, great family, good relationship, plenty of friends, good health and the material possessions to go with it all. However I always felt like there was something missing, that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it.

Why is it that it is not until a so-called ‘disaster strikes’ – something that upsets your everyday ‘normal’ life such as a life threatening illness or a marriage break-down – that you begin to re-evaluate and question your life?

If I am ticking what I thought was all society’s boxes ‘being the good, hard-working, kind, law-abiding citizen’, eating what the so-called experts tell me is healthy and nutritious foods, regular GP medical check-ups, and exercising accordingly then pretty much nothing really bad should happen to me, Right? Well we all know that ‘good law abiding citizens’ experience illness and disease, with which we are met with: “God works in mysterious ways”, “Oh you poor thing”, “Life happens”, “Get on with it”, “At least its not cancer”.

It may have seemed easier to sit on the sidelines and not choose to make any changes to my life, waiting for a Doctor to ‘fix’ me, with me playing no part nor taking any responsibility for how I lived on a daily basis. I could feel deep inside however that I needed to change the way I was living to help and support me and the medical profession in my recovery.

Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life: continuing to maintain the gruelling and long work schedule, enjoy whatever alcohol-fuelled nights out I could squeeze in to take the edge off the working day or week, a diet high in carbs, sugar and gluten and plenty of late night work fests to try and fit the never-ending to-do list in while trying to please everyone all of the time…and somewhere in there run a household, an office and several businesses as well as maintain friendships and relationships. Hmmm…I’m exhausted just writing that. Looking back to 2006 I can hardly recognise that was what I called my life.

I had always been open to the possibility that there was more to life though I was too busy working to actively seek answers so it was easier to just go with the norm. When I heard a presentation given by Serge Benhayon I absolutely knew that what he was presenting was true, and change was inevitably necessary whether I liked it or not. I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.

Those who know me know well that I do things my own way with no-one being able to tell me what to do and when. Not at any time has Serge nor any of the practitioners ever told me what to do, rather they have been living and loving examples that have supported and inspired me in knowing that I am also worth doing things differently for, to love and care for myself and inspire others in a similar way.

My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making.

182 thoughts on “I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

  1. We often look for change or the answers to life when disaster strikes. I had a very comfortable life but there were many personal disasters that constantly reminded me that all was not well and there was more to life than what I was living. The ‘more’ part was not in material gain, it was in finding out what Life was truly about, what my purpose was in being here. This was a constant search and angst in my body, that was until I met Universal Medicine and I knew at that very moment that I had come home.

  2. The beauty of our own connection is how we learn what supports us and allows us to make our own choices for living. Our bodies are our greatest teachers and one we can constantly learn and grow from.

  3. Being open, being aware, being present all mean that anything could happen, life could change at any moment. Having a rich and heartfelt life means being passionate, in your heart, rich and beautiful. Susan Scully, you are rich, passionate and beautiful.

  4. ‘I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me’, this was exactly how I lived my old life……. My life changed also inevitably when I attended courses by Serge and Universal Medicine. And I keep returning to these courses which are a fantastic support in deepening my connection with my body and the wisdom I carry within, that we all have access to.

  5. I am the same Susan. No one can tell me what to do. It is through observing others who have made changes to their everyday lives, that has inspired me to make choices that allow me to develop a love and appreciation for myself that I certainly did not have before.

  6. Most of my life, I was not happy with the details of my life, so I made many changes – the job, the house, the relationships, the hobby, the interest etc. but nothing really changed, I remained just as miserable and as frustrated. Changing life’s peripherals was not it, I had to learn to reconnect back to the essence of who I was for anything to truly change. And Serge Benhayon was the one who presented it as a way of living, a choice that anyone can make at any time.

  7. “I was too busy working to actively seek answers”… this here is a clue as to why we as a society are so lost in perpetual motion, for it suits us to keep moving lest we stop and truly feel the grandeur we are and are from. Because we do not live this magnificence, we do not want to feel it for then we will have to admit that the source of our pain is not from the world but from us holding back the full expression of who we truly are from a world that sorely needs it.

    1. Beautifully expressed Liane! “…that the source of our pain is not from the world but from us holding back the full expression of who we truly are…”
      It is hard to admit that we are responsible for our own undoing and therefore are the ones who can bring change.

  8. I too have been reflecting on where I was 12 years ago when I start listening to presentations by Serge Benhayon. I certainly was up to my neck in beliefs and ideals about what kind of superwoman I was supposed to be in pleasing everyone around me all at the expense of myself. Myself self worth and self esteem was pretty low, given that to most people my life was actually a pretty good one, yet I started to get a sense that there was so much more, and as Serge has gradually reminded me of what we all know deep inside, that proved to be so true.

  9. Susan I too was identifying myself with my busyness and with the things that I had done in my life. But really none of what I do makes me me. I am me regardless of what I do and I am so much more than what I do. As we all are. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon has helped me understand this and for this I am totally grateful.

  10. That’s the catch. When you are so busy and overwhelmed and effectively living on the edge you reach for things that supposedly take the edge off but only serve to numb exactly where you are at and not take a thing away.

    1. yes! It’s such a trap, and because so many of us are caught up in it, it’s difficult to catch because we fool ourselves into believing it’s normal. I am soooo guilty of this way of being. I’m aware of it which is brilliant and able to catch myself getting caught in the web, but boy oh boy is it a comfortable place to be.

  11. I can relate to living in a way that ticked all the boxes of the lifestyle that I was choosing which was considered quite ‘normal’, including the restlessness that was always present under the surface regardless of whatever I achieved. I have since realised that without connection in our lives, to ourselves and with others, our lives are meaningless and solely driven by the purpose to mask the restlessness that exits from feeling the dis-connection to our essence within. Bring back connection and our lives are filled with the knowing of who we are, an ‘at ease with oneself’ and the richness of our presence. Breathing and living who we are in essence is our natural way of being, and most definitely our true normal.

    1. I agree that it’s this disconnection from who we are that creates an un-ease and a tension, an underlying anxiousness. Surrendering to who we truly are, by building a connection with our body, and expressing what we can feel without needing it to be different or perfect, are a great support in re-establishing the connection to who we are again, and living from there instead of our ideas about who we think we need or should be.

  12. I am being reminded of how I felt before I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I couldn’t carry on living the way I was living, something had to happen. As a society we do tend to sympathise with those who go down with an illness or disease or feel sorry for children when the parents break up but from my own experience having an illness was one of the best things that has ever happened to me as it created a ‘stop’ for me to address and make changes within myself and in my life.

  13. There is within us all a yearning to evolve from our earthly confines, to no longer play a game that separates us from our brothers. The whole universe is calling for our inevitable change we have only our pride to lose, and an ever expanding love to gain.

  14. When we are caught up in life words mean little even if they make sense. Sometimes I think that the accidents or disasters that sometimes happen are because we have lost sight of the momentum we are creating every single day. A momentum that is slowly building up and has to erupt at some point. That is why stillness is the only fuel the body is truly comfortable with. And sugar would be the complete antidote to stillness. And sugar is added to pretty much every other food on the shelf. Is it a conspiracy or why is it that sugar is added to so many products? Maybe so that we avoid stillness, the fuel that makes us feel things and know things that we cannot know when we are in a spin. Something to ponder on.

  15. “I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.” I can so relate to this as this was a way for me to not truly feel what was going on in my life, until a life threatening illness came my way, I knew then I had to change the way I had been living, stop and feel that I am not what I am doing, my true value was coming back to the real me and connecting to my essence.

  16. How beautiful Susan ‘My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making’, now that is the way to live life, in full, taking all of us into consideration, nothing left behind, everything fully with us in each moment and no perfection.

  17. “When I heard a presentation given by Serge Benhayon I absolutely knew that what he was presenting was true,” I knew and know this too Susan and the more I am inspired to live this truth the more it deepens the truth.

  18. When we wait for ourselves to crash and burn we have to pick up far more pieces than if we address something before disaster strikes.

  19. We can deny what we know and feel for so long and ‘try to own’ our life. The problem is when I try to own my life it seems I get in the way of going through the paces of my to do list like I am a garbage truck going through the same motions of the next thing to the next. No joy just a routine that is the same. Understanding we are more than what we see or what is possible is more than meets the eye is a way of living that far outweighs what is humanly ‘normal’ to see. It’s worth being open to that inner-power that transforms energy back to love than to just continually ticking the boxes with no heartfelt completion in life.

  20. It’s amazing how many of us don’t want to disrupt the life we have created nor the comfort that that provides being content in what we know even when it is void of true joy… and yet it is outside of this comfort that the true magic happens. How gorgeous to be reminded of this and inspired by Serge to step towards this and watch our life unfold accordingly.

  21. Keeping ourselves busy can be a perfect excuse to not build and develop a loving relationship with ourselves. Creating busyness justifying we need bread and butter on our plate is a very common distraction to keep us away from ourselves but if we are prepared to listen to our body and how it feels we can see the harm this causes slipping into exhaustion and overdrive. We have to ask ourselves is it really worth it abusing our body in this way?

  22. Before meeting Serge Benhayon I felt I had found the best way possible for me to ‘walk my talk’ but always said that I hoped that if I met something better I hoped I would have the courage to make the change. On my first meeting I knew that I had met that choice and after three months of fighting the truth I made the choice. It resulted in a complete life change and I am so appreciative that I had ‘the courage’ to do so.

  23. ‘I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.’ I have seen the change in you over the years Susan and it is really lovely. I have also experienced this with many other Universal Medicine students and also in myself. There is a grace that begins to infiltrate our lives as we drop the behaviours that we had previously taken on and begin to live more simply from who we are.

  24. We feel we have done our best to get where we are in life, and we accept the ups and down as something perfectly normal, and on the whole life was comfortable too, however since listening to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations I have come to realise that there is no need for the ups and downs, and I don’t need to be driven to succeed, because I am already everything, and the more I connect and live my life in full from the inside out, my life changes everyday.

  25. I suspect that we all know that there is something deeply wrong with life and how we are living and equally we don’t want to change anything. It is as if we are stuck in something that we know doesn’t make sense yet we can’t see clearly another way to be, so we continue with the known wrong or rather living non truth or living a lie. This is where Serge Benhayon’s teachings helped me so much, in that I could start to feel more clearly what was true and what was false and could start to see that there was indeed another way to be.

  26. This is so cool Susan. The fact that you can so openly and accurately nominate the fact that the way you used to live didn’t bring you joy or fulfilment says a lot about the way you live your life now.

  27. It is incredible how much magic and joy life can bring on a daily basis if we let go and surrender to its flow instead of holding on to safety, wanting to stay in control, which as a consequence leaves us needing constant stimulation to make life fun.

  28. “My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making.”, well I think you’ve made it. The fact most of us are living a life that is killing us in many ways beyond just a physical setting. We run around for years ‘doing the right thing’ only to feel like we are forever worthless. It’s only when we stop or when we are stopped that we begin to question our lives or question life itself. What are we here doing?, or one of mine when you look to the sky and say, “Is this it” We are so use to going to the outside world for answers that we have created a way of living that is forever attracting us away from what is true and hence again when things go ‘wrong’ we seek answers from outside. You may have seen this already but all the answers are inside us and we can take a lead from the world right now, if you want something to change then live that change consistently at every point. We all know we can’t tell anyone anything but the moment you show them in your walk they remember it. They remember that the true steps they have just seen you walk are steps that they have done in the past, from truly living how you naturally are people remember who they truly are equal to that.

  29. And it’s people like you Susan, who inspire others to choose differently in their lives. What a miracle that you put a stop to being a mouse on a wheel, before the wheel gobbled you up.

  30. We resist change because we are comfortable – but what we all need to become aware of is that comfort can be a deceptive straight jacket that locks us into a status quo that is ultimately uncomfortable.

  31. Thanks you Susan – what you write is so relatable for example I am sure many in the room have experienced “that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it” – and yet we can’t all be the loneliest one. All these feelings come because we know there is so much more and such a deeper connection with ourselves and everyone else available. Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been blessed to discover that more and more and more!

    1. It was very revelatory to come to understand recently that connection is what builds our true multidimensional intelligence. Every connection with another offers us huge potential for development.

  32. Great point why do we have to wait for disaster before changing. How is that we can do everything “right”, tick all the boxes and still feel something missing? Why do we so often discover that “nice people” get cancer? These and many other questions are answered through the presentation of Serge Benhayon who shows a whole other way to live. A way that is healthy, loving, joyful, inclusive of all and gives back to humanity.

  33. So true about feeling lonely in a crowded room. I didn’t realise this back then but it all stemmed from not living the real me and so I was missing me first and then the connection with others because my contraction inspired contraction back from them.

  34. I reached a point in my life where I wanted to give up. I had experienced other points in my life where I was extremely unhappy but this particular point was significant. I didn’t want to carry on from what I created yet in the deep surrendering it was a pivotal moment and change was inevitable.

  35. Deeply inspiring Susan to feel your approach and honesty here in how you changed. I laughed out loud reading this today ‘Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life’ … that sums up how I’ve often felt, yes I want to change but I want to keep that and that and we know exactly what is needed to support us, and what does and doesn’t work and it can take time to let go, but change it is and the needed disruption that goes with it.

  36. Knowing deeply that my life too had to change, but resisting making any change was a great downfall. Any resistance to this change is a resistance to the love that has been connectedo, how can that be of any support to our world.

  37. Life is out of controllable busy to even stop and there in lies the trap as days turn into weeks into months into years and all of a sudden you sit at the end of the road with regret and feeling like you have missed out. Most who are hit with a stop then stop and reassess but a lot of us just continue to plough on through. Can you call this life or what is it, an existence? We are needing to redefine what we perceive life to be or what we consider we are as at this point things aren’t looking so great. If you are super busy then you may miss what is in front of you and the fact that ‘we’ by a lot of accounts are becoming more and more unwell. What is going on and what is it that people are choosing that is either leading them out of rushing for time their whole life or giving them space to feel what is truly going on. After all it would be great to be able to choose to stop rather then something bringing us to a crashing halt.

  38. The ‘busy’ factor. I have been super guilty of this one in the past, and occasionally it still pops in. Always telling myself I will get round to looking at what I know I need to look at, when I have more time. more time NEVER comes around, that, I know to be true…and sitting in the fantasy of it happening just delays any kind of evolution and shuts out any potential for self responsibility. It’s actually less painful when we deal with stuff as and when it comes up. For some reason we’re taught it’s super scary, and this is a deeeeeep belief, so it’s hard to shake, but the opposite is true.

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