I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

by Susan Scully, Brisbane, Australia

My life to most would have appeared ‘normal’ in that I had ticked all the boxes: good job, successful businesses, great family, good relationship, plenty of friends, good health and the material possessions to go with it all. However I always felt like there was something missing, that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it.

Why is it that it is not until a so-called ‘disaster strikes’ – something that upsets your everyday ‘normal’ life such as a life threatening illness or a marriage break-down – that you begin to re-evaluate and question your life?

If I am ticking what I thought was all society’s boxes ‘being the good, hard-working, kind, law-abiding citizen’, eating what the so-called experts tell me is healthy and nutritious foods, regular GP medical check-ups, and exercising accordingly then pretty much nothing really bad should happen to me, Right? Well we all know that ‘good law abiding citizens’ experience illness and disease, with which we are met with: “God works in mysterious ways”, “Oh you poor thing”, “Life happens”, “Get on with it”, “At least its not cancer”.

It may have seemed easier to sit on the sidelines and not choose to make any changes to my life, waiting for a Doctor to ‘fix’ me, with me playing no part nor taking any responsibility for how I lived on a daily basis. I could feel deep inside however that I needed to change the way I was living to help and support me and the medical profession in my recovery.

Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life: continuing to maintain the gruelling and long work schedule, enjoy whatever alcohol-fuelled nights out I could squeeze in to take the edge off the working day or week, a diet high in carbs, sugar and gluten and plenty of late night work fests to try and fit the never-ending to-do list in while trying to please everyone all of the time…and somewhere in there run a household, an office and several businesses as well as maintain friendships and relationships. Hmmm…I’m exhausted just writing that. Looking back to 2006 I can hardly recognise that was what I called my life.

I had always been open to the possibility that there was more to life though I was too busy working to actively seek answers so it was easier to just go with the norm. When I heard a presentation given by Serge Benhayon I absolutely knew that what he was presenting was true, and change was inevitably necessary whether I liked it or not. I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.

Those who know me know well that I do things my own way with no-one being able to tell me what to do and when. Not at any time has Serge nor any of the practitioners ever told me what to do, rather they have been living and loving examples that have supported and inspired me in knowing that I am also worth doing things differently for, to love and care for myself and inspire others in a similar way.

My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making.

244 thoughts on “I didn’t want to disrupt my life but change became ‘inevitable’

  1. “Those who know me know well that I do things my own way with no-one being able to tell me what to do and when” and let this be available to us all into the future so we never lose our freedom of choice.❤️

  2. Having a better life isn’t like having a true life. Having a normal life is subjective and if comparison is used to determine what the normal is it’s not determined by what is true and normal for ourselves.

  3. This is really interesting and struck a chord with me
    “I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me.”
    I know someone who has known Serge Benhayon for many years and is still identified with ‘busyness’ I feel if they actually stopped to feel what was really going on they would be shocked at how they constantly distract themselves in order not to feel how magnificent there truly are. But Serge Benhayon isn’t on their back and neither is anyone else for that matter. No one can save you, or for that matter brain wash you it seems to me its about learning self-mastery.

  4. “I could feel deep inside however that I needed to change the way I was living to help and support me and the medical profession in my recovery.” We seem very disconnected from the cause and effect of our own choices in how we move, think, eat, sleep, and exercise, how we communicate and are in relationships and at work… the list goes on, the way we are in life is either good or bad medicine for ourselves.

  5. When I read your list of boxes ticked for a successful life, work, health, friends, family, exercise etc, love was not in there, we include it as something we feel might come to us from romance and family, but we don’t realise love is actually the essence of who we are and can be the foundation for our whole life.

    1. Melinda Knights, this is true we do not include love, as one of our must haves of life, but if we scratch just beneath the surface and ask people what they really want? The people who I have spoken to and that’s thousands of people in my lifetime do want to be truly, deeply loved but don’t feel worthy of that deep love so they settle for less than, then the resentment builds as they know that what they have settled for is not it.
      I have spoken to many elderly people during their stay in hospital and they look back on their life and wish they had made different choices, they know they accepted less they feel the hurt of admitting this fact, but I tell them it’s a great step forward, because at last they are admitting that the life they chose was not it. Rather than pass over in the arrogance of not being able to express the lack of love in their life.

  6. Why do we wait till something really disastrous happens to us before we bring in a deeper level of honesty? We talk about wanting the world to change, but how willing are we to be that change in our own life?

    1. It’s a good question Lucy, it’s a bit of a game of waiting for the other person to go first but it definitely starts with us.

  7. So many of us have that feeling that ‘Something is missing’ but don’t know what ‘it’ is. Presentations by Serge Benhayon offer a way to reconnect to our inner being and find our way back to truth.

    1. Absoulutely Mary, it is like Truth has been deleted from our dictionary at these times. Maybe if we all looked at the Love❤️ we are presented with in the presentations by Serge Benhayon life would turn towards Truth at every corner.

  8. “Change was inevitably necessary whether I liked it or not” – many people, if not everyone, can feel this and experience as tension and we would do anything to avoid feeling that, and we may keep resisting as we have, but truth catches up with us eventually.

  9. The mentality of ticking boxes will keep us so preoccupied with jumping from one tick to the next we will always fail to appreciate the richness of all the steps in between.

  10. “My life is a true and heart-rich life in the making.” I absolutely love this line, an amazing life in the making – what could be better?

  11. Change can be scary but is inevitable if we are to deepen and expand on our evolutionary journey back to soul..

  12. “that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it.” The ache that follows way too many people is eating away at our society and can be seen in the depression, anxiety and suicide statistics. Each one of those numbers representing hundreds more who are affected by the ripple effect of that unease in a person they love.

  13. God does not really work in mysterious ways. It is more the case that we have shrouded him in mystery, creating complexity around what is in truth pure simplicity.

  14. That feeling that there is something missing is very familiar to me. I still experience it sometimes when I find myself looking out at the world longing for something to change, or for someone to love me etc. Then I know that I have forgotten that everything I need is within me and to stop searching out there – for all that does is to confirm the neediness I have felt.

  15. “However I always felt like there was something missing, that feeling of being in a crowded room yet felt the loneliest one in it.” To be so deeply honest to oneself is the first step to change. What is missing is the connection to our soul, our inner essence and this will never be tired to call us to come home!

  16. Great to expose how adopting ways of how to live by what society tells us to do and still feeling something is missing exposes how often we give our power away to something and do not check in with ourselves first and how we are feeling. We are the experts in knowing our own body, it is always communicating the truth to guide us back to living and expressing that truth, the depth of which depends on how honest and open we are to listening and responding to what is being offered to learn and evolve from.

  17. We will only change when we are truly ready and that, for me, is the confirmation that we are far more in charge of what happens in our lives than we choose to know. If someone really wants things to change, the support is actually there, yet the strength of consistency in that commitment comes from within and that relationship (within) is the primary one to nurture so it impulses lasting change.

  18. It is funny how much we resist change, when it is the one thing that is needed in our own personal evolution, understanding and discarding of behaviors that have long past their use by date.

    1. I’m not so sure jacqmcfadden04 I feel it’s when we start to take the steps to change that the negative consciousness kicks back because it knows that once we align back to our soul it has lost the energy source it feeds off. It’s almost as though we are all tied to a piece of string that gets let out to accommodate our moves but once we get to the end of the string and start to tug on it to be released then all effort is made to rein us back in again. I feel we are trapped in a prison without even comprehending it. Freedom is an illusion.

  19. ‘Whilst I knew that change was needed I did not want any disruption to my life’. I feel this is very common, many people know they ‘should’ make changes to their lifestyle, but at the same time the momentums of their ingrained habits and behaviours keeps them repeating the same old again and again. However, in ignoring the messages from our body, the body has to speak louder in the form of illness and disease, which then gets our attention…. The question is, why wait till then?

  20. It takes much honesty to look beyond the okness of the life we have accepted and initiate true changes. It is going to challenge our normal and our comfort, but it is well worth it.

  21. It really goes to show that we can fit into every aspect, ideal and belief of life as society expects but within is where our real success lies. Are we living in connection to the love we are, do we feel settled with who we are within, and are we feeling the richness of life though the quality in which we live and move? All of which is very possible to live every day. The Way of The Livingness has and continues to inspire me to explore to great potential we are all here to live together.

  22. I find that when I am being true to myself, it is easier to trust all I am feeling and thus makes it easier to embrace change in the knowing that the change is the next step and where I need to go to continue learning and growing and allowing more love.

    1. Yes, it starts with us knowing who we are, then clocking what we are made of (yes Love again!) and kapow!!! Who would want to walk away from that level of Love? We need to champion dating ourselves and bringing a level of tenderness back into our lives that honours who we are and what we are made of so we can offer that as our natural expression.

    2. It’s a very different feeling honouring how we truly feel, as opposed to making changes because we ‘should’ or from knowledge. Willpower is not a part of self honouring either.

  23. ‘I came to understand that I was so identified with my ‘busyness’ that I never simply stopped to connect to my stillness and feel the real me’, I very much relate, my father had a nick name for me, which was the road runner, as I never stopped. I am smiling now as I think of him fondly as he has since passed, as its only now I realise how true this was. I am not that ‘road runner’ now but I still have to be observant because that old ingrained habit of rush mode can creep in the back door…

  24. I can relate to what you are sharing here Susan as I also had a successful life with nothing obviously wrong with it but still felt an uneasiness and lack of satisfaction with it until I realised that in all the successful doing I had left me behind. Learning to reconnect to me and be more true to myself in everything I do has definitely resulted in a greater level of contentment in my life.

    1. This contentment with life, with myself and where I am at, I can relate to Andrew which is a result of an inner acceptance, and trusting all I am feeling which supports me to make the necessary changes my body is inviting me to make. The very quality of contentment nourishes me on so many levels – having lived so many years feeling discontent with life and myself which my body would have suffered from.

  25. Isn’t interesting that you can follow everything society thinks is ‘good’ and ‘right’ to be and yet still be feeling a lack of contentment and like there is something missing. Clearly if even ticking all societies boxes of being the ‘good’ person does not lead one to live a rich and vivacious life then there is something sorely lacking in our social standards and views.

    1. Yes, true Joshua, so what are we not being told? The searching outside of ourselves, the constant need to distract ourselves from this inner lack of contentment, the plethora of things to feed that distraction all lead me to consider there is much more at play than we have been told and I suspect we haven’t been told because we are so deeply sucked in to the ‘just the way it is’ mentality.

      1. Lucy I was heartened recently while driving into town, I saw people with huge placards informing the motorists and passers by that governments and the media is lying to us and isn’t it time we woke up to this fact. It seems to me that we are at last waking up and realising we are all being led by the nose and maybe the mentality of ‘it’s just the way it is’ we know best so suck up. is at last coming to an end.

  26. It’s interesting that we do know the changes that we need to make to our lives often well before the significant bust up happens in our health, work or relationships, but we tell ourselves we’re too busy to make the changes, so invested in the roles we’ve told ourselves we need to play, or so buried in busyness that we’re seemingly oblivious to what needs to change. The mind can be quite forceful in telling us what we need to do or how we need to be, but only when we allow it. The body, given half a chance or an ear, on the other hand, innately knows our natural way of being and is constantly attempting to live that. When we follow its cues, and feel how much more settled and steady we are when we do, gradually it becomes easier to let go of the pictures and align to our body’s call.

    1. It is always great to stop, and take stock of where we are and where we are heading, and looking at our investments and expectations which keeps the blinkers on, and stuck in old routines that have become outdated, so we lose sight of the bigger picture and of any changes our bodies are asking us to make. Letting go of our investments and pictures of how things should be, frees up so much space and brings the clarity we need that supports us to make the necessary changes…

  27. So interesting how that busyness can be like wearing blinkers so that we just have this narrow focus on the next thing ahead and totally miss the everything that surrounds us at all times. So much love, so much opportunity that you would think its impossible to ignore… and that is precisely what we end up doing!

    1. Yes, Simon, it is quite amazing how we keep repeating our old unloving ways, ignoring the love around us even though we know it is there by wearing the blinkers of busyness.

  28. Its amazing how when we change our life and reflect back to how we lived, we wonder how we ever coped. And perhaps that’s the point, we didn’t! But in all the busyness every day there is no time to think about doing things differently because we are so exhausted, tensed and stressed that this becomes normal. It is crazy, but once out of this old way of living and relating there is no going back.

    1. Great comment, I look back at how I lived and I definitely wasn’t coping, yet I continually allowed beliefs, ideals and pictures of myself and life to override the knowing within me, a knowing that would have been much more self loving and self honouring to follow.

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