Discovering the depth of love I hold deep inside myself

by Michelle McWaters

Like many of the esoteric students who have responded to the media allegations of Universal Medicine I also feel to share how Serge‘s presentations have inspired me. The result has been a different approach to life which is much more even tempered, more reflective, less emotional and much more honest. I have been doing Serge’s workshops for about 6 years and it has changed utterly how I feel about myself, how I interact with others and view relationships, and view the world. As a child and young adult I was very hurt and overwhelmed by the lovelessness around me at home and in society. I couldn’t give a name to it or articulate it, but it was there nonetheless. Because I couldn’t give a name to it and because it seemed that I was the only one feeling it I thought that it must be me that was out of line with everyone else and that there was something very wrong with me. I turned it in on myself. I wasn’t one to turn to drugs and alcohol although I did smoke – I was a bit more sophisticated than that – over the years I buried it under layers and layers of beliefs and ideals about who I was, what I expected of myself and what others expected of me. I became quite an expert at it, so much so that by the time I hit my early thirties I had convinced myself that I was really ok and had it all sussed out. I had a job I thoroughly enjoyed, a lovely house, and many gorgeous friends.

When I began at Universal Medicine I was quite proud of my fiercely independent attitude and super efficiency as this is how I wanted to see myself and for others to see me. What I wasn’t consciously aware of was that there was a huge arrogance in this and that the independence and efficiency were contained in a brittle hardness – all of this to cover up how small and crushed I had felt by the world. I hadn’t wanted to feel small and useless so had accepted that this was just the way the world was and had settled in the comfort of what I had created around me forgetting what was underneath it all. In so doing all of this I lost touch with the real essence inside me and slowly, slowly I have been rediscovering a beautiful innate tenderness and gentleness and slowly, slowly beginning to claim it and express it … not always as I forget to sometimes, but when I find myself not being love and being emotional it feels horrible and so I am reminded to come back to who I am and to keep making loving choices in my day to day living.

It has taken me many years of building self-love and with the support from Serge, other Universal Medicine practitioners and other esoteric students, I healed many hurts. The commitment to get to the truth has been mine. Ultimately I have taken the responsibility for the choices I made in the past and make in the present. This has been completely empowering as I have let go of the idea that I am a victim in a loveless world that I can’t relate to or that doesn’t understand me.

Without perfection I can now observe my emotions when I have them rather than get overwhelmed by them. This is true for the emotions of others too as I am much less likely to take them on. Yes I am still caught out sometimes, but when I find that I have reacted rather than responded I can catch it and ask myself why I took it on. Normally I find that there is something in me that is unresolved and I take the time to reflect on it and nominate it. Once this has been done the emotion is cleared and then I can work on the hurt that allowed it in the first place. Ultimately this is what taking responsibility for your choices means.

In taking the time to do this for myself I have been far less judgmental of myself and therefore of others too. I am far less imposing and controlling. Not only has Universal Medicine had a positive impact on me, but in turn it has had a positive impact on all those I encounter on a day to day level.

I have nothing but love and appreciation for Serge and what he is presenting. Serge and his family continue to inspire me and through showing me what is possible and what love really is and means I will continue to make the choices that peel away the layers of protection, to deepen the connection to myself and to keep discovering and expressing the enormous depth of love that I too hold inside me.

Spara

Spara

Spara

147 thoughts on “Discovering the depth of love I hold deep inside myself

  1. I never really liked being with other people as a kid, teen and early adult. But thats because I was hurt and avoiding those I thought were to blame (everyone). With the support of Universal Medicine I have learnt that my hurts come from my choices first and foremost and that I can’t blame anyone for being the cause of my hurts and woes.

  2. Working with Serge and Universal Medicine is such an interesting process, I have learnt so much about myself and as a result other human beings. I have rediscovered my essence, and know that everyone else has this too. I now understand more about the reasons we leave ourselves and build false personas, and how these can be healed and discarded to uncover and reveal our true selves. Everything I have studied with Serge has brought a depth and richness to life, which has then had a flow on effect to everyone around me.

  3. I deeply appreciate this line “As a child and young adult I was very hurt and overwhelmed by the lovelessness around me at home and in society. I couldn’t give a name to it or articulate it, but it was there nonetheless.” This is such a common experience, we feel powerless to change it and what has been offered to us are very practical ways to not feel a victim to this life but to live the change we want to see in it.

    1. Lucy that is what I appreciate about Serge’s work, it’s so very practical and applicable to every part of life, and it makes sense of the mess we have created in the world, and shows us the way out. It is also very self empowering as the changes we make come from within ourselves and from listening to our own body.

  4. Looking back on my life, there was no one like Serge Benhayon when I was young to support me to make sense of a world that would rather crush us than be exposed for the lie it is living. We have all contributed to live in a world that has a reality but is not the reality of who and what we are.

  5. I can so relater to what you are saying Michelle, I have always felt out of step with the world and because of this I gave up for a while. Meeting Serge Benhayon and listening to what was being presented awoke in me the feeling that maybe I wasn’t out of step after all. I have been supported to come out of my withdrawal from life and now I can say I’m an active member of society and loving every moment of it. All thanks to a chance meeting with Serge Benhayon.

    1. Great to read about your changes Mary, I have made profound and lasting changes in my life as well thanks to support from Serge and Universal Medicine. I noted your words about feeling out of step with the world, I have also felt the same but I didn’t know how to value the truth I felt, and often people can reject or fight quite openly anyone who is different, but I am feeling the call to honour what I feel and know to be true more strongly, instead of dismissing it because of the majority.

  6. Some years ago I felt like a victim when things didn’t work for me. I would cried, blamed my bad luck and others for what I was experiencing. I could not cope with the intensities of life and like you Michelle I couldn’t explain how I actually was feeling inside. Universal Medicine has allowed me to be more aware and responsbile of my life, knowing that all that I live is my choice so it’s my work holding myself in every situation that I’m in. I’m far less emotional than before, more steady and reflective. Now I know crying is more than ok, something very needed at times to let go and heal but no longer a relief, which I deeply appreciate.

    1. I couldn’t cope with the intensities not so much of life but what was going on inside me churning away and I could not explain to anyone how I was feeling the feelings were so out of control. This led to my nervous breakdown looking back if there had been someone such as Serge Benhayon there to support me as he supports everyone, I feel I wouldn’t have lost myself by giving up and over to my ill mental state of health.

    2. Thank you Inma for your beautiful comment, I can relate. I still get surprised by the depth of victim consciousness in me, and how blame can subtly be hidden, but it’s supportive to uncover it so I can live more responsibly – which means more lovingly and truthfully.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.