Discovering the depth of love I hold deep inside myself

by Michelle McWaters

Like many of the esoteric students who have responded to the media allegations of Universal Medicine I also feel to share how Serge‘s presentations have inspired me. The result has been a different approach to life which is much more even tempered, more reflective, less emotional and much more honest. I have been doing Serge’s workshops for about 6 years and it has changed utterly how I feel about myself, how I interact with others and view relationships, and view the world. As a child and young adult I was very hurt and overwhelmed by the lovelessness around me at home and in society. I couldn’t give a name to it or articulate it, but it was there nonetheless. Because I couldn’t give a name to it and because it seemed that I was the only one feeling it I thought that it must be me that was out of line with everyone else and that there was something very wrong with me. I turned it in on myself. I wasn’t one to turn to drugs and alcohol although I did smoke – I was a bit more sophisticated than that – over the years I buried it under layers and layers of beliefs and ideals about who I was, what I expected of myself and what others expected of me. I became quite an expert at it, so much so that by the time I hit my early thirties I had convinced myself that I was really ok and had it all sussed out. I had a job I thoroughly enjoyed, a lovely house, and many gorgeous friends.

When I began at Universal Medicine I was quite proud of my fiercely independent attitude and super efficiency as this is how I wanted to see myself and for others to see me. What I wasn’t consciously aware of was that there was a huge arrogance in this and that the independence and efficiency were contained in a brittle hardness – all of this to cover up how small and crushed I had felt by the world. I hadn’t wanted to feel small and useless so had accepted that this was just the way the world was and had settled in the comfort of what I had created around me forgetting what was underneath it all. In so doing all of this I lost touch with the real essence inside me and slowly, slowly I have been rediscovering a beautiful innate tenderness and gentleness and slowly, slowly beginning to claim it and express it … not always as I forget to sometimes, but when I find myself not being love and being emotional it feels horrible and so I am reminded to come back to who I am and to keep making loving choices in my day to day living.

It has taken me many years of building self-love and with the support from Serge, other Universal Medicine practitioners and other esoteric students, I healed many hurts. The commitment to get to the truth has been mine. Ultimately I have taken the responsibility for the choices I made in the past and make in the present. This has been completely empowering as I have let go of the idea that I am a victim in a loveless world that I can’t relate to or that doesn’t understand me.

Without perfection I can now observe my emotions when I have them rather than get overwhelmed by them. This is true for the emotions of others too as I am much less likely to take them on. Yes I am still caught out sometimes, but when I find that I have reacted rather than responded I can catch it and ask myself why I took it on. Normally I find that there is something in me that is unresolved and I take the time to reflect on it and nominate it. Once this has been done the emotion is cleared and then I can work on the hurt that allowed it in the first place. Ultimately this is what taking responsibility for your choices means.

In taking the time to do this for myself I have been far less judgmental of myself and therefore of others too. I am far less imposing and controlling. Not only has Universal Medicine had a positive impact on me, but in turn it has had a positive impact on all those I encounter on a day to day level.

I have nothing but love and appreciation for Serge and what he is presenting. Serge and his family continue to inspire me and through showing me what is possible and what love really is and means I will continue to make the choices that peel away the layers of protection, to deepen the connection to myself and to keep discovering and expressing the enormous depth of love that I too hold inside me.

Spara

Spara

Spara

113 thoughts on “Discovering the depth of love I hold deep inside myself

  1. For all the beautiful women and men in the world. I am inspired by you and forever I will be. We all have a beauty of grace inside us that can not part us – even not by gender, ethnicity, colour of skin, age, occupation, travel or distantness. We are to realize that our beauty is equal and has been never lost. Wars are not needed and fights must be stopped, simply because it is not the fights that gives us back our love, but our choice will do. Thank you all for having supported me over the last years, just like Michelle McWaters has been supported with absolute love by Serge Benhayon and the whole of Universal Medicine, and so Universal Medicine is my #1 support and business I would ever wish for.- for everyone to have this form of support. See its website: http://www.universalmedicine.net

  2. A great sharing Michelle, committing to ourselves and taking responsibility for our choices leads us to discovering the true depth of love we are within our essence and that by consistently choosing to honour the love we are, changes our whole quality of being with ourselves and with others.

  3. I can relate to the hardness you wrote about: “the independence and efficiency were contained in a brittle hardness – all of this to cover up how small and crushed I had felt by the world.” Although being a tall woman I felt crushed and abandoned by God (whereas I was the one to stop connecting to him) and I masked these feelings with control and being a tough woman who knew it all. Denying the delicateness inside me was a very tiring process that took constant effort and multitasking is not what we are meant to do all day and night.

  4. We aren’t victims ever. We are the creators of everything in our lives. All that is there in our lives is there for us to learn from and to come back to our essence and start living again from that love and sacredness.

  5. “Without perfection I can now observe my emotions when I have them rather than get overwhelmed by them. This is true for the emotions of others too as I am much less likely to take them on.” This has been incredibly helpful for me too, to observe and not absorb. It has made all the difference, because my own feelings and emotions I can handle, by nominating and dealing with the underlying hurt. But other people’s emotions are theirs to deal with and my body gets sick when I try to resolve it for them.

  6. Michelle, rereading this today I can feel how we can build so many ideas to deal with the world rather than allowing ourselves to feel and see what the world is, and it’s so easy to buy into the idea that ‘I am a victim in a loveless world that I can’t relate to or that doesn’t understand me.’. It’s just not true and indeed it keeps us locked in a forever trying to get by, and it means we shut the world out and in doing so we shut down ourselves. Ultimately there is nothing for it but to do the work you describe, feel our hurts, nominate what’s going on and being tender and understanding with us as we allow ourselves to feel the world and us without filters or ideals. It changes everything and we begin to feel how much power we do have and that we can be us in the world. It’s something I’m learning more and more daily and as I do, I bring more of me to the world. It’s a great learning, it can be challenging, and very joyful – I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  7. “Ultimately I have taken the responsibility for the choices I made in the past and make in the present.” What a glorious statement and what an incredible support you have had and continue to have in Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Thank you for sharing here Michelle.

  8. This blog sums up very well so many of my experiences through meeting Serge Benhayon. I recognise that I came to Universal Medicine hard, guarded and ready to run if anyone challenged me on how I was living, even though somewhere deep inside I knew what and how I was living was fake. I prided myself on my tough exterior but was inwardly crushed and hurt. Over the years I have been chipping away at these layers and what is underneath is steadily coming to the surface. I am very grateful that my path has crossed with Serge and the other students and life will never be the same. I would challenge any of the critics to give it a try for 12 months and then see if they would still stand by what they have written or whether they would discover a completely different story.

  9. Michelle, what you share is a real understanding of what true responsibility is, it’s not about being a victim of the world and going hard and brittle with arrogance to handle it, it’s as you say observing ourselves how we are and catching those places where we react and understanding what is unresolved in us causing those reactions. It’s an on-going full life, one which forever asks us to deepen with ourselves and as we do we deepen with others – it’s a true grown up life, letting go and addressing any hurts and bringing love and joy to all around.

  10. Loosing touch with our essence only makes us grab onto something else that defines who we are and to fit into the world in some way. When the relationship with ourselves is missing, we become anything but who we truly are, often lead by the outside rather than our inside.

  11. ‘The commitment to get to the truth has been mine. Ultimately I have taken the responsibility for the choices I made in the past and make in the present.’ When we take responsibility, we discover more about ourselves and how through our choices we are able to feel the impact they had or have on ourselves and others, through this process I have discovered a greater love that I hold within myself, and for humanity too.

  12. This is what the world really needs to get the pressure of a system that doesn’t really know how to deal with why such a large percentage of the population is ill, both physically and mentally.

  13. Sometimes I forget how extraordinary Serge and his family are because what they do, the way they live and the way they are, seems so utterly normal and then I remember how things were before I knew that there was this loving way to live, this loving way to be, that leaves no one out and is very equal for all humanity and I am in awe. We have all changed from the hard, protected, hurt and guarded people we were, to people who are open and forever learning how to love ourselves and to deepen our love for everyone equally.

  14. Beautifully said Michelle. Serge Benhayon has been a constant inspiration and example to me over the past 5 years of one who is absolutely committed to being the love that he is in the world and to supporting others to do the same – if and when they choose to.

  15. It is so important to appreciate ourselves for what we bring into our lives and in that of others in building that inner connection with ourselves, with the all and the universe. We cannot see this grander picture of life when we are involved in our own emotions and held onto hurts and in that we cannot but harden our bodies to not feel the consequences of this choice and in fact takes us further away from who we truly are. Therefore it is so important to not accept that lesser way of being to enter into our lives, as this will not only add to our own misery but also to that of our family and friends and eventually to all of the world.

  16. Choosing to take responsibility and commitment to self-love, nurturing and honouring ourselves we can all rediscover the depth of true love held within us all equally, the essence of our being and with a consistent livingness build a solid foundation to express from.

  17. Learning to discover and love who you are is such a great adventure, and one I know for me will be forever. Who knew committing to life and everything it offers would feel so amazing 🙂

  18. This is the most awesome paragraph and I am going to quote the whole piece here –
    ” When I began at Universal Medicine I was quite proud of my fiercely independent attitude and super efficiency as this is how I wanted to see myself and for others to see me. What I wasn’t consciously aware of was that there was a huge arrogance in this and that the independence and efficiency were contained in a brittle hardness – all of this to cover up how small and crushed I had felt by the world. I hadn’t wanted to feel small and useless so had accepted that this was just the way the world was and had settled in the comfort of what I had created around me forgetting what was underneath it all. In so doing all of this I lost touch with the real essence inside me and slowly, slowly I have been rediscovering a beautiful innate tenderness and gentleness and slowly, slowly beginning to claim it and express it … not always as I forget to sometimes, but when I find myself not being love and being emotional it feels horrible and so I am reminded to come back to who I am and to keep making loving choices in my day to day living.”
    Wow this is such an honest account of something that is rarely talked about with such honesty, the truly ugly side of what we do to avoid dealing with our hurts and to kid ourselves all is good. I found this really helping as I am really looking at where I was before I came to Universal medicine and the tricks I had that I may have not been honest about. I share this element about how I wanted to see myself and how I wanted to be seen, fiercely independent and pretending I am all ok, and I had done that at least since my mother died when I was 20. Who would have thought there was so much love waiting for us when we are vulnerable, intimate, delicate and fragile?

  19. “I will continue to make the choices that peel away the layers of protection, to deepen the connection to myself and to keep discovering and expressing the enormous depth of love that I too hold inside me.” This is what the livingness is all about, clearing away what does not truly represent us as the divine son of God that we innately are.

  20. Step by step, slow but surely, making changes not through mind over matter but through adding one self-loving choice onto another until our life becomes one of loving choices, which then inspires others to choose the same for themselves.

  21. Being fiercely independent as I too was before Universal Medicine, is in my experience very isolating. I felt I had to do everything on my own, so asking for help was really difficult for me. I would struggle through alone all the while being resentful of those around me who weren’t helping – but let’s face it, none of us are mind-readers (yet!) and if you refuse help often enough and don’t ask for help, no-one knows you need it. It’s been wonderful for me to reconnect to my vulnerability and fragility and to realise I am not alone, ever.

  22. It’s so true Michelle. Presenting to the world that we are ‘super-efficient and fiercely independent’ can be both a cover up and a reaction to the vulnerability we feel to the harsh world that we have created around us.

  23. I love that above all else you have been empowered to realize that your choices are not only the key to your ability to respond to life rather than react to it but to let go of the lovelessness and embrace, claim and express the gorgeousness of who you are instead… discovering and deepening all you are through the responsibility you now choose. An inspiring way to move through life.

  24. Assume the following scenario: you are a person that since being little you knew that life had to be more than what you saw OR that this did not happen to you and even if life was a struggle, you told yourself that you were doing relatively ok, that the hurts you carried were normal (everyone carries them) and you were trying to make life the best you could. The truth is that Universal Medicine has something absolutely grand to offer in either case. To these seeking answers, it provides the answers. For those feeling that life cannot be it, it offers teachings that can truly help them to get there and reflections that confirm what they felt all along. To those seemingly ok, it offers healing and meeting the true you. There is nothing like it in this world.

  25. So true Michelle. Serge Benhayon has and does inspire me to constantly deepen my connection and awareness of the innate love that I am and to live in the world as who I truly am.

  26. Gorgeously expressed Michelle. Discovering that one’s honed skills of survival in the world is an expression of arrogance is a humbling experience but one that is liberating in enabling one to cast-off the chains of lack of self-worth etc. to free the Son of God within that we all truly are.

  27. Ultimately we are not moving forward in truth or evolving until the essence of truth is known (again). Our Soul works with us in union if we so choose to be responsible to be aware > recognise > and to be honest and open ourselves to truth. I have found to be gentle with this process helps a lot accordingly.

  28. Re-discovering the love we hold within us is a voyage of discovery, finding a new way of living from love, not allowing our reactions to take the lead, but accepting people for who they are, and as we unfold our layers of protection we find we hold a far deeper love than we ever thought possible.

  29. Thank you Michelle, for sharing through your experience, and I am sure is equally so for many others, how the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon we have and continue to inspire a return to living in a way that is in connection to who we are in essence, our Soul, the love we are within and are born to live in full with each other.

  30. The amazing thing is, no matter what we have been through and what ever happened to us in the past can be addressed and cleared out of our physical as well as emotional and mental bodies. This leaves us free to make new choices that don’t follow the old ingrained patterns, which otherwise is really hard. Serge Benhayon offers the understanding of this science and gives you the keys to actually live it, which truly is beyond value.

  31. We all need to work through our hurts and accept the fact that we are not all victims of a loveless world – for it is a world that we together have created through our own lovelessness and therefore is also our responsibility to correct.

  32. Whether you like what is written or if some words tag you along the way or not we all can’t deny the living truth that is presented in articles like this. People who were up and down, removed, sick, extremely unwell, isolated, obstructive etc etc are now walking into life with ease, not perfect but with a grace and ease. This alone should see the world stand up, with the fight, push and drive we see and people climbing all over each other it’s refreshing to see it doesn’t need to be like that, in fact there is another true way that supports us all. I am not saying anyone needs to change or this way is the way for you but what I am saying is that through supporting and truly caring for myself I am living and holding in the world in this same way and bouncing out of bed to do it again and again and again.

  33. It has to be an amazing volume of love on offer in what Serge Benhayon presents that would allow us to deconstruct even the well cultivated, practiced and mastered way of living we are so proud of to unleash the true gold that has been buried dormant underneath it all. One of the biggest lessons I have learnt is how evil comfort is and I was totally comfortable even in grave discomfort.

  34. I can very much relate to thinking there was something wrong with me and buried myself in feeling sorry for myself and sadness with a lack of commitment to life which later caught up with me in developing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. When we do not acknowledge and embrace the love each one of us holds inside we are living in disharmony and this if not healed has to show up in the body in the form of illness and disease.

  35. How difficult it is to grow up feeling disconnected from you, isolated from the others, feeling that what you feel in the body is all that life has to offer.. to you. It is certainly not an invitation to blossom. How beautiful is to discover that none of that has to be and to walk in life in that knowing.

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